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@Farnaby I agree with @Lubomir . In my experience you don't feel disconnected from your girlfriend because you show anger and frustration but because anger and frustration slip out in an environment where you feel like you need to hide them because they shouldn't be there. If you two were to deliberately set an environment of total honesty, where you tell her about your anger and frustration and also about how you feel about them and how they make you feel about the relationship, you tell her about your fears and insecurities and you let it all out, do you really think that a feeling of being disconnected would result? Sharing times of vulnerability and openness in relationships leads to connection, understanding and transformation. You might find reading Radical Honesty helpful. Best of luck to you guys

For the past few days I've been questioning why so many enlightened masters are men and why the love realization seems to be absent for some of them. I stumbled upon this lady's writing and was absolutely blown away. I bought and read this book. https://www.amazon.com/Grail-Path-Achieving-Transformation-Emotional/dp/0692558837/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=the+grail+path&qid=1565441524&s=gateway&sr=8-4. For the logical (masculine) type, kundalini energy will need to be raised through the base chakra. Kundalini energy is feminine energy that comes from the earth, below. The Hero's Journey is an illustration of this path. For the emotional creative type (feminine) masculine energy is received from above, (Father Sky, our Heavenly Father) requires grounding from the higher chakras. His or her path is taking expansive love and creative connection and focusing it in a logical practical manner that can benefit others. She calls this the "Grail Path" "The Grail Path and The Hero's Journey are diametrically opposite paths. The Grail Path utilizes the Divine Power of Grace to cleanse the inner being and grow the Divine Child. The Hero's Journey uses the Divine Power of Kundalini to initiate the inner transformation of killing the ego and heightening the sense. It does not matter if you call these twins Dark and Light, Bread and Wine, Yin and Yang, Lightning and Snake, or Adam and Eve. These mystical twins, through their metaphorical portrayals, show up through the ages and in a multitude of cultures." Basically to go full circle, and become Christ-like and awakened to love you raise the kundalini energy through the Hero's Journey then follow the Grail Path. Jesus was aware of the two paths as he accepted Mary Magdelene as a disciple, which was really radical at the time. The disciples complained. This is from the Gospel of Thomas. Simon Peter said to them, "Make Mary leave us, for females don't deserve life." Jesus said, "Look, I will guide her to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. For every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven." I also ordered this book because it is supposed to be the Tao version of The Grail Path. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062501933/ref=rdr_ext_tmb Ramana Maharshi speaks of the heart on the right, but that's because there are two energies and two paths, there's physically one on the left and one on the right. More about the different energies and the balancing of them in yogic traditions here. https://www.yogajournal.com/yoga-101/balancing-act-2 I'm concerned because I feel that people who are born artistic, and in touch with their emotions (most women) are misunderstood and mishandled when it comes to their approach to this work. We are telling a lot of people to go about things ass backwards. Will you help me change this? I know this forum is mostly made up of masculine, logical types, but we need to understand ourselves and integrate BOTH!

"The Tao produced the One. The One produced the Two. The two produced the Three. The three produced ALL things." "The Holy Grail is not an object that can be found in the physical world. It resides within the psyche and can only be seen through the mind's eye or imagination. The mindset and practices of the seeker create the Holy Grail, The Cosmic Egg, and the Divine Child. During the entire transformation, the Kundalini does not rise through the base chakra, which means that the Heiros Gamos does not take place. This is why the seeker of the grail is called a "Virgin" and why another name for this spiritual path in The Virgin's path. " Mischa V Alyea https://www.amazon.com/Grail-Path-Achieving-Transformation-Emotional/dp/0692558837/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=the+grail+path&qid=1565441524&s=gateway&sr=8-4 I should have known it was happening backwards for me. I kept getting headaches whenever I tried to raise energy.

HOLY SHIT. This woman is AMAZING! https://www.amazon.com/Grail-Path-Achieving-Transformation-Emotional/dp/0692558837/ref=sr_1_4?keywords=the+grail+path&qid=1565441524&s=gateway&sr=8-4 "The Grail Path and The Hero's Journey are diametrically opposite paths. The Grail Path utilizes the Divine Power of Grace to cleanse the inner being and grow the Divine Child. The Hero's Journey uses the Divine Power of Kundalini to initiate the inner transformation of killing the ego and heightening the sense. It does not matter if you call these twins Dark and Light, Bread and Wine, Yin and Yang, Lightning and Snake, or Adam and Eve. These mystical twins, through their metaphorical portrayals, show up through the ages and in a multitude of cultures." Hence, women fearing the snake and the snake deceiving Eve. She even says that's why Masons never allowed women to join. In the past people assumed that women's brains were wired emotional/creative and men's were wired logical, now we know that while that's the trend that it's not gender that defines that.

8- 9-2019 44. Coming to meet "Coming to meet" refers to the Cosmic Principle that it is attraction which draws complementary aspects together. It does so in its own time, without the need for pressure or contriving. When allowed to take its time and natural course, everything matures and completes itself in the best way possible. All of this occurs in the atomic realm, through transformation, creating a unity that endures. Just a small piece of the commentary from today's reading. Yesterday was was one of the most interesting days of this life. Yesterday's reading was 38 Separating/ Opposition changing lines 3 and 6 resulting in a second hexagram of 14. Possession IN Great Measure

@peanutspathtotruth My line of thinking is that transformation is best seen is a result of rising consciousness and not as a separate goal to be perused, just like money is a result of creating value, if you chase the money hard, you might not get them, as the value you should create gets out of focus. Contra-intuitive stuff. Also if you are not raising your consciousness you may easily deceive yourself about the things you want, things that may be rooted in some past trauma, some vows you made and do not remember, the society matrix ect ect. By raising consciousness you become better at seeing past such things, and therefore focus on what you really want. Still it is differently better to choose to think "I love you" instead of "I hate you" as a plain choice as you said, regardless of your level of consciousness, but its not a good long term strategy to change thoughts with sheer force of will. Think of it like a leaking pipe, some may just put a bucket to collect the water, and call it done, some may put the bucket and throw themselves on fixing the pipe. Its always better to fix the pipe, even replace it. That's why I think that : rising consciousness should be the primary goal, and the rest will follow.

An even better practice I discovered is that the ego and the whole of life are one and the same process. It's a meta perspective. And by simply seeing this allows transformation to take place.

@Yog But only raising consciousness is only half the deal no? Isn't that exactly the point why transformation is to be approached simultaneously to consciousness work? What I mean is: of course raising consciousness is super helpful in its own regard when we talk about the Law Of Attraction. But to really make it flourish, isn't it important to use the co-creative choice we have to choose the thoughts that are in alignment with the consciousness that I am/we are? Of course, this choice might be an illusion and ultimately God's choice. But nevertheless, right now I can choose to think "I love you" and feel it. Isn't that choice, always chosen again and again, what brings empowerment to the mind and "gets it on your side"? I'm asking to understand that process better because I'm fairly new to LoA etc.

This forum is a mirror that I can ‘sometimes’ willing face, it does not produce a complete transformation but it does show me what is possible. It is also a good place to heal and mend the broken aspects of self, often simply through assisting others

By liberation, I am talking about a lasting liberation and personal transformation, where an individual is free from the restraining and persistent confines of the energetic structures of the ego. Some of the things to describe an individual who is liberated: 1) Authentic - is able to freely express themselves without being locked into EGO. A great sense of variability is there - energetically they are able to shift from non-dual to the character. They are not locked into EGO all the time. 2) Free from Egoic Projections - A person is able to see through their own egoic projections. A person in a liberated state can see that these are just their own egoic projections, attachments, and are not true. A person who would be locked into EGO, would not be able to see this and for them those egoic projections would be true. 3) Universal Love vs Personal Preferences - Living with an open, unguarded, unconditionally loving heart. Loving everything but not liking everything - an individual universally loves everything, but still has their own preferences. Keep in mind, spiral dynamics is just a map and is not entirely accurate. Is there a correlation between the most advanced stages though and liberation? Absolutely. If you read what I wrote above, you will see how lower stages such as blue would not be compatible with liberation.

From what I've understood from past conversations is that being at a stage (for example; blue) and becoming enlightened, means you are an enlightened stage blue. Then another enlightenment may be had once you transition up the spiral and once again have another enlightenment experience. Enlightenment has nothing to do with your book. From the point of view of the Zen Monks' book at that time you may not be enlightened either! I don't think Leo is vague in his crediting people with enlightenment. I'm sure that Leo has done his research considering he fucking loves this shit out of this stuff. Use it as a guideline at most if you don't agree with him then I guess? You and I both know he's not budging for a couple of forum dwellers. ?. And plus, isn't enlightenment separate from actual transformation. For anything to change, it needs to be changed. All enlightenment gets you is nothing... right? So Osho can still be materialistic and enlightened, even if it does make for an odd combination. Right? The only thing enlightenment gets you is the truth:

But isn't Christ supposed to have already suffered for our sins? Yes, but it requires a holistic approach through the Holy Spirit (holy means whole, holistic). I think of the cup of suffering that Christ asked God to take away as the Holy Grail! And since Christ has suffered for all of humanity it means that when we drink of the Holy Grail through conscious holistic suffering, the suffering will not increase or remain but become a powerful tool of transformation from suffering to peace. Because Christ died for our sins the cup of suffering became the Holy Grail through which we will achieve atonement.

The ego is sadistic and feels pleasure when others suffer. It's of course an effed up situation, haha, but there is logic to it. "The ego we have created for God is that of a petty, jealous, limited god with a sadistic personality." - http://acourseinmiraclesfordummies.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/PDF-What-is-the-Ego-with-Notes-Upload-9-30-14-ACIM-Workbook-for-Dummies.pdf The way towards salvation goes through suffering, and that was what Jesus Christ demonstrated with his crucifixion as an example for all of humanity. What the ego does, unconsciously, is to recognize suffering as good, but only when others suffer! It's the ego's fragmented perspective that has caused this lopsided situation. The full usefulness of suffering is when it is from a holistic perspective as I described in my previous post, and used as a tool for transformation instead of as something to avoid or to remain stuck in.

Oh! The ego attempts to run away from suffering. What is needed for transformation is to move IN to the suffering BUT holistically. And use the suffering as fuel to melt the ego tensions. The tricky part is the holistic approach of moving into the suffering. Holistic in the sense of including all mental, emotional and physical suffering at the same time as a single field.

A new practice I'm experimenting with is to reach a level of suffering when dissolving ego tensions where the mental, emotional and physical pain is low enough to be manageable. Too much suffering and it becomes unbearable. When the suffering remains smaller it seems possible to accept it an let it burn through and melt the ego tensions in body and mind. The aim is to use the suffering as fuel for transformation. Maybe that's what Gurdjieff meant by intentional suffering. And when the ego tensions have dissolved the suffering is removed along with that. And the goal is to transform the suffering into inner peace, mentally, emotionally and physically.

One implication of the above is that it puts the responsibility of transformation totally on us individuals. From a oneness perspective it's God's will will be done, so the ultimate job of transformation is done by God, but here God means the totality, like Brahman, and we are that reality so the personal responsibility will be there on the level of doing the personal work needed. Even Christians will have to admit that since it says in the Bible (John 1) that the Word of God has made everything, so we are the Word of God. It's the ego that has the false belief that it can do or be something outside of the Word of God.

@NahmI have some trouble decoding what you're saying, but i think we are on the same page I just had a powerful meditation on Keith's Cacao (ceremonial grade), and in general I notice how important daily meditation is on this journey of transformation and staying on track. A lot of stuff is happening right now: A few days ago I went to see a girl for cuddle therapy I never met before. There is good chemistry and connection. During the session she was holding me and at first there was resistance. I noticed that deep breaths would help me to allow this. After a while I started the weep and cry for like 10 minutes. Pretty intense. After sitting up again, I noticed my arms and hands and maybe my whole body vibrating strongly, tingly sensations. A sensation that I recognized from a Kambo session about 2 months back. I believe this is energetic blockages being released from the body. Will probably have more sessions with her as I think she can really help me. There was also a lesson here that I still need to integrate: That it is Okay giving and receiving love, that I deserve it and that Yes - it is possible to be betrayed, but this true core of me can never be "hurt" or "diminished" by it. Only the Ego can. This insight seems actually a bit confusing/conflicting with the whole healing the inner child/trauma stuff. Not sure how this connects yet. Ideas? I decided to do the dieta in Peru and already had an introduction call with them and paid a deposit. Think this can be really powerful. I saw this girl again I was writing about in my initial post and she invited me to an alternative festival the upcoming weekend. Not really in my comfort zone, but will go as I think it should be good for me.

3 days at a awesome yoga-festival is over. It was awesome, but also I encountered a lot of resistance towards the physical, social and emotional process I was in, but now I feel very released. Did 3 classes on friday, 4 on saturday, and 4 on sunday, plus lots of extra social festival stuff going on in-between. Basically the whole thing was a little bit too much, especially since I have been working night-shifts for 2 weeks just right before this and I’ve been feeling something compared to being jet-lagged through-out this whole festival, but it was also very very inspiring much of the time and I felt I was going really deeply into many of the yoga sessions. However I wasn’t prepared for getting into such a strong sense of resistance towards the whole thing at times. It sometimes felt like being in a prison. But I mean, yoga is painful in many ways, it is really about encountering a lot of the resistance one has in body and mind, and learning to relax with that - to breathe into it - so of course that is going to be challenging sometimes. Coming back home now, I feel released and refreshed, but I’m also very glad the whole thing is over, and I look forward to return to my daily practice. I think my theme for the whole weekend was learning to find sort of the sweet-spot in the resistance. When one gets into it, and really surrender into it, there is some really juicy transformation going on, and there is sort of a love for this transformation that makes going into the resistance attractive. Of course that is not how resistance feels most of the time, because most of the time I’m not able to surrender fullt into it, but when I am that is really a juicy sweet-spot, and the memory of that spot is what brings me back to the practice over and over again.

Christianity.com Christianity/ Wiki / Salvation /What Does It Mean To Be Saved by Grace through Faith? What Does It Mean To Be Saved by Grace through Faith? Salvation by grace through faith is not a difficult thing, in that it’s not a formula to follow but rather a miracle to believe and receive. Salvation is God’s righteousness at work in us when we say yes to His plan. Saying yes is how we demonstrate faith. We get saved by grace through faith, but we also live by grace through faith. Danielle Bernock The Bible says in Ephesians 2:8-9 that people are saved by grace through faith. But what does that really mean? A common answer is that we’re saved from going to hell when we die. But the truth is, salvation is so much more – as is the grace by which we receive it through faith. Salvation is God’s righteousness at work in us when we say yes to His plan. Saying yes is how we demonstrate faith. We get saved by grace through faith, but we also live by grace through faith. Salvation by grace through faith is not a difficult thing, in that it’s not a formula to follow but rather a miracle to believe and receive. What Is Salvation? Salvation is an amazing miracle we watch unfold in our lives. The view of salvation as a ticket to heaven or an escape-hell card ignores life here on earth. The salvation that Jesus secured with His death and resurrection is one that restores a believer’s oneness with God (Romans 5:10). This provision of unity ushers in wholeness, one piece of truth at a time through the power of Christ’s love. Jesus came to give us abundant life. In salvation, Jesus Christ transforms us from the inside out. “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” (2 Peter 1:3-4 NIV) When a believer in Jesus fully leans into this spirit life, the transformation affects every area of their lives (Romans 8:5-11) – and there is no condemnation in the process (Romans 8:1-2). Saving Grace: The Meaning of God’s Grace God’s grace is an undeserved gift for sinners. John 3:16 is one of the most quoted verses from the Bible and embodies the message of God’s grace. “For God so loved the world that He gave…” Gave. That’s a demonstration of grace because grace gives what is undeserved. Romans 5:17 says that it’s through “the abundance of grace and the gift of righteousness that we reign in life.” This gift God provides has nothing to do with our earning it. It’s given graciously through what’s called a gratuitous contract. This contract is solely for our benefit and ratified with the blood of Christ. God paid for everything and we receive everything. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9) God’s grace provided righteousness for sinners. The grace of God provided what we lacked: righteousness. This righteousness is what gives the Holy Spirit the ability to dwell in us and usher in the transformation of salvation. And this righteousness is a gift because of grace. The grace is because of His love; God is love. God demonstrated His love for us in Christ dying for our sins when we were still His enemies (Romans 5:8). By His grace, He provided righteousness for us in hope that we’d believe—or have faith (Romans 3:22). Salvation by Grace through Faith God’s grace is so amazing we may have trouble believing it’s true. That’s where faith comes in. It’s so amazing it takes faith to receive it. Believing God is as good as He says He is. Believing His grace. Believing Jesus came to personally deliver the grace of God to us. The salvation God offers us is freely ours if we’ll dare to believe He’s that good. Faith says, I believe you are that good, and I receive your amazing reconnection. When we do this, He gives us new life. Jesus called it being “born again” (John 3:1-3). Example of Salvation by Grace through Faith The thief on the cross received salvation by grace through faith (Luke 23:39-43). The man simply reached with a sincere heart for the goodness of God’s help and believed Jesus would give it to Him. Jesus did. Salvation is God’s righteousness at work in us when we say yes to His plan. Saying yes is how we demonstrate faith. We get saved by grace through faith, but we also live by grace through faith. Salvation by grace through faith is not a difficult thing, in that it’s not a formula to follow but rather a miracle to believe and receive.

Yes but remember how the adept stages work at a fundamental level. They are no longer samadhi practices. One practice can help but it may not be enough. Culadasa might give the impression that advanced stages don't require that much effort so it is much faster to progress compared to the beginning stages time-wise. It makes sense on paper but this is not true. It is a common misconception. The effort one puts in to progress after chapter 7 gets lower and lower. That is true and that is because you let the effortless attention develop and become the default operating system. Surrender and non-striving is the name of the game in advanced practice. But it takes A LOT of time to re-program the body for stage 7-8-9-10 type of work. As Culadasa mentioned in an interview, A mature stage 8-9 practitioner can do 3-4 hour sits consistently with little to no suffering. Like daily 3-4 hour sessions. That is some serious mastery in my eyes. I can do 2 hour SDS sits. I can also deal with a lot of pain and suffering but I've never attempted a 3-4 hour sit. My equanimity levels are not that high. I still need more work in mental and physical pliancy. My nervous system can't quite work with pain on that level for 3-4 hours. Maybe I can do it on a chair if I really focus. And lets not forget that at least 1 insight has to be experienced until this point. These insight experiences are unpredictable and can happen in weird ways. So it takes even more time to understand and experience these insights. Culadasa also says that even though it is theoretically possible to go all the way up to stage 10 and still not experience any deep insight experience, in practice, most meditators will have at least 1 insight experience sometime in stage 6,7 or 8. Definitely before stage 9. So if someone claims to solidly attain stage 8-9 and still saying that he didn't have any sort of transitory awakening experience, (or any deep experience like Arising and Passing Away or temporary cessation), then I'd be suspicious. He probably peaked into stage 8-9 and then went back to an early stage as his baseline. The first stages are actually faster to go through compared to adept stages. Even though you exert more effort, at least the goals are like a to do list. In stage 7 and beyond, everything turns into mastery of the existing skills + insight practice and as a consequence, the nervous system needs even more time and practice to handle the mastery requirements. So it is a mistake to think it is so easy to progress from stage 7 to 8 by doing only one or two practice. That also applies to stage 9 to 10. One's progress will get slower post-stage 6-7. These adept stages are all very deep attainments and you can spend a year or two for each stage before moving on. And if you did that, you'd have awakening experiences on a consistent basis. And that tends to translate into 7-10 years of diligent practice as Culadasa says in his book. That is a good time frame to expect significant results and transformation. If one doesn't experience these, then they don't do the TMI techniques properly. On that level, the bare minimum would be consistent but transient insight experiences and that is way more than what your average meditator experiences after 20-30 years of practice. That is why I recommend Culadasa so much. His methods shave off decades of spiritual anguish with clear skill based goals.

I want to give an update on my journey that hopefully inspires you. I apologize in advance for it being rather long but hopefully my boring story ends up proving worthwhile for you. So for those of you whom are familiar with my posts (though don't confuse that with actually knowing my background and story) may be familiar that I've been going through a hard time for pretty much the last 10+ years. For those that aren't, I'll give you some backstory that hopefully doesn't bore you too much. Since the age of 11 (I'm 24 now) my family has had to deal with a lot. One of my parents became seriously mentally ill and since I was in 6th grade and my brother at the time when he was just 4 or 5, we had to make sure our parent didn't kill themselves on a regular basis. This went on till I was 22 when our family fell apart. I've always struggled in school and with people due to a very hard case of ADHD and also harassment. I always knew I was intelligent but I always felt like I was a failure because that's all my life seemed to reflect. I've always been extremely ambitious to the point of delusion in most cases. School was a really big challenge for me, especially as I became more independent in high school as I was just in a program that just doesn't suit kids that have things like genuine ADHD. This created such a schism in me because I always had big goals but I was always failing. I knew I "had it" but nothing ever came together. I also was dealing with a lot of mental health stuff with what went on in my house and in myself. As I suffered more, the more I didn't know who I am. When I was junior, I got pulled out of school because I went to my counselor saying I was ready to die. Next thing I know, high school is over after I came back and finished senior year, I didn't accomplish any single goal I set and I wasn't even going to a university. I felt like both life and myself and had let me down. Both Fall and Spring semester of my first year in junior college I left early as a result of not going to classes I couldn't sit through anymore. As a competitive runner, my running just became more and more meaningless. Once I left school I never finished a single season of neither cross country or track season I committed to. I eventually found myself in a hospitalization program which is also where I found meditation. Later on I got into personal development through Tony Robbins after listening to so many motivational videos on YouTube. I couldn't keep going on my own but these things sparked something (my love for life I still had left). I couldn't believe what I was finding and I just devoured everything, though it was still neurotic. My desire for growth was projected as an aggression to "prove them wrong" and maintain that winner. This became exhausting until I realized all of that was based on the fact that I really felt hurt because I felt like a loser and I felt hurt. The competitiveness and desire to succeed no longer made sense. It wasn't until I found a Sam Harris guided meditation with Self-Inquiry at the end when I realized the most important question I've ever had... who am I? After that first sit (as painful as it was) I realized I didn't know who I am. How can I live not know who I am? Who is that's aware of "me"? What is it that's aware of "me"? If I'm aware of me is to be aware that I'm not me!?!? How can I honestly live a life not knowing who I am and say that I've fucking done anything of any significance? Then I found @Leo Gura and I finally felt like I was listening to me on the other end. I found a resource that embraced and encouraged every single thing I've ever found important and wanted to know. Philosophy was important. Having a life purpose and doing something big and doing something important does matter and should be pursued. I can't live not knowing who I am. Knowing that is important. Then I found Om Swami's memoir and then I realized "this is my life. This is what I'm here to do. This is the only thing I've ever really wanted. This is exactly what I've been looking for." Despite all that, I still struggled for many years. Being as depressed as I was, I was crying every single day because I was listening to Leo and I was really starting to realize what life is meant to be and getting clear on what is most important to me but I couldn't live any of it. I was sleeping in the same bed as my dad at 23 with no future. 'I can't REALLY do what Leo or any of the people alive and in the past have done!' This burning desire though just wouldn't shut off to the point where I felt it was torturing me. I was working in a retail job that I just hated myself for going to. How and why did I end up here?! WHY?!!? One of my best high school friends was the #1 overall pick in the NFL draft! My friends represented the USA in running and I used to kick the shit out of them in a race! I'm embarrassed to show my face to people! Then after one post on the forum here I got an offer to come out here in New Jersey to sell pest control going door-door. Door-door sales? That's the hardest form of sales! I can't even keep eye contact, not mumble and stutter and stand straight! However, being the good salesman, now one of my best friends, convinced me that I had the chance to maybe earn $55k this summer. Having no real sales experience and only a month and a half in advance notice (other guys on the team were Mormon missionaries who prepped about a year in advance for this) I accepted it, terrified of what my future was. However... I couldn't go another day looking myself in the mirror feeling the shame and rage towards myself by staying and having sleep with my dad still at 24, having never taken any chance. I knew I HAVE TO DO THIS. After my first week of sales and putting in 12 hour days and not having made a single sale I already had multiple meltdowns. Social dynamics and literally forcing the way I interacted became the development I was really running from. I realized how and why I struggle with eye contact. I realized how and why I talk so fast. Having to change all of this in order to survive demanded a transformation and look myself in the mirror and forced a change. I then realized after 5 days how I literally was a different person. I talked different. My being was different. I slowed down my speech. I could hold eye contact. I felt more grounded. When looking at a video of myself a month before I came out I couldn't believe what I was looking at. The seed was planted. However I did have to switch to being a service pro. Sometimes there's only so much pressure a person can take before suffocating. Sometimes pressure on a stone can create a diamond. It can also cause it to get crushed. Despite the transition, I was now living in a unit I was paying for. I cleaned after myself and I loved it. I loved cleaning my mess. it forced me to be honest about my inadequacies and after emotional turmoil I started to... just do it. The more I "did it", the more my word slowly began to gain power again... despite many relapses. I was cooking for myself. I was working 60-75 hours a week. The hours hurt and the more I felt overwhelmed the more my burning desire for truth burned in my heart painfully. "Why am I out here?!" "What do I want?!... I don't know!" "What impact do I want to have on the world?... I DON'T KNOW!" The fatigue and exhaustion from the hours hurt. I wanted to be free. I wanted to be int he mountains. I wanted to heal. However... I also loved this. I was changing. I was taking on responsbility and I noticed that I was actually changing. My word started having power. I was becoming more confident. I was learning to relax my entire body when I felt extreme stress and could literally let go. Good days became more consistent, despite the still pretty consistent emotional volatility. My faith started to increase. I started to really inspect my unconscious mind through various exercises I was creating. Deeper clarity started to emerge. I even got to meet @winterknight! Then today I was called into my manager's office and was told I was either gonna be laid off because we had too many workers at our location or they were going to move me to a different location. I immediately realized "they have an office in Denver/Boulder, CO" which is where I was planning on trying to maybe move to if all worked out (which it didn't seem like it was). Then I immediately asked if I could be moved over there. They immediately said yes and they would fly me out and I wouldn't have to pay rent. Not only that I could keep the job and reduce my hours as I could go to therapy and get psychoanalysis done in order to really finally heal. I left the office screaming YES! I immediately emailed Integral Zen leader Doshin Roshi whose close with Ken Wilber and am now in contact with him. I'm also around other enlightened teachers like David Loy and many others in that area. My plan is to really meet these people and study under them as best as I possibly can and so far, this is starting to seem doable... and I can't fucking believe it. I'm finally going to get the healing I need, I'm now going to do serious fucking consciousness work and I have ways of even traveling.... How? How did this happen? Why? Why did this happen? The two questions that I felt the most negatively when I uttered them now bring great gratitude. Was it because I wanted this so bad that I couldn't live without it and there was some law of attraction thing that set in? Maybe. Whose to really confirm that and say definitely? One answer I can say with confidence is that I had faith and I took what little of it I had left and jumped... and I had very little of it left. I had faith though because I knew, not that my life mattered, but that I can't waste this. I refuse to fucking let my life go. When I see Leo post a picture of how overweight he was in his 20s and when I see his videos I see and hear the heart of someone whose driven to serve this world, that's fucking real. Not some cute talk about metaphysics and parrot nondual blabber. I knew I had to keep going because I DO love life. I can't fall back asleep and ignore all that I know I yearn for... and I invite you to do the same... Take the leap and claim the responsibility that you will do this. Whatever "this" is. Throw yourself into a situation that DEMANDS you grow and DO IT. When you're put into a situation by your own hand that's hard, look at yourself and also feel yourself in that moment. Awareness ALONE is curative. When you're aware of how much you lie to yourself, how much you cheat yourself, how much you ruin your own happiness, how much you deceive yourself of your own love for yourself, how much you mask your own selfishness, how much you shirk your responsiblity in this world to others, how you play victim and watch yourself doing it... THEN your life will change because you won't be able to tolerate it anymore. Then you will feel empowered, despite how many times you fall back. That's how this is done. I'm one of the most skeptical people I've probably met and also one of the most cynical. If I can have faith in the shit I've gone through, so can you. Take back your life. Not because you have to but because you love life. Thank you Leo for helping me cultivate the faith and show me a new path in life. I don't want to know where I'd be if I didn't find your channel. Thank you for showing me. I hope one day I can live that which you're realizing one day and be of service to the world like you are.

Ok, here's what it is. I will try my best to describe it briefly to the best of my knowledge. If you have the deepest awakening, it will go something like this: You become God/No-self. You're not embodied. There is no external environment. That's why they call God, "no self." You're just being pure, unconditional consciousness. This is the eternal YOU. No beginning. No end. You make this transformation into Everythingness. You might see yourself forming and coming together into something like infinite spherical stars (strangloop), but these stars are actually infinite universes. They're all you. You'll not only see it; you're all of it. The everythingness (YOU) comes together into this super massive, infinite black hole (aka, white hole). Yes, there is an event horizon before this. So, yes, there is a "freeze" before you make this transformation. Why do they call it a white hole? Because the Everythingness is "white" and came together and get transformed into a white void, where you're facing backwards (aka, Riding the Ox Backwards, singularity, Godhead, God's arrow). Finally, you embody into your ego, while the world/universe is created by YOU. You will remember all this from your ego's perspective. Initially, you might think this is grandiose, but it's not. When you were God making these transformations, it was totally "normal." You were just being. Most importantly, when you embody into your ego, you feel this massive love, indicating that you're in the "to love" realm. I could go further into details but too long. Everything in our lives is based on this awakening. Principles of life such as: Nothing is permanent. Everything transforms. Nothing dies. There is only transformations. Everything in the world is based on love. So, find a deep calling based on love. Everything is just you, so be kind in general. Learn to be detached in life. Work on yourself and your calling--because only you exist in the present moment. The list goes on and on.

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fj8ulLtLwsE ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ NO HEADPHONES REQUIRED, BUT RECOMMENDED. ❯❯ This 8D AUDIO track features: 4hZ, 7.83hZ, 10.5hZ, 33hZ, 111hZ, 126.22hZ, 141.27hZ, 144.72hZ, 207.36hZ, 211.44hZ, 222hZ, 256hZ, 512hZ, 528hZ, 555hZ (isochronic tone), 741hZ, 963hZ, 4096hZ, 8192hZ, 8D Audio Movement & Natural 432hZ Tuning. ████████████████ BENEFITS AND EFFECTS ████████████████ █ Various Studies/Researches On Sound Healing, Meditation, Brain Waves and MORE: █ pastebin.com/kBnrC4uQ ✓ 4hZ ❯❯ Enkephalins, Extrasensory perception; Astral Projection, Telepathy, "Seduction mindset". Catecholamines, vital for memory & learning, respond at around 4 HZ. Subconscious Problem Solving/Full Memory Scanning. ✓ 7.83hZ ❯❯ Earth Resonance, grounding effect. "Schumann Resonance". Anti-jetlag, anti-mind control, improved stress tolerance; psychic healing experiments; pituitary stimulation to release growth hormone (helps develop muscle, recover from injuries, rejuvenation effects). "Leaves you feeling revitalized like you've spent a day in the country." Reports of accelerated healing/enhanced learning - "the earth's natural brainwave". ✓ 10.5hZ ❯❯ Frequency for healing of body, mind/body unity. Potent stabilizer & stimulating for the immunity, valuable in convalescence. Associated with Heart/Anahata chakra. ✓ 33hZ ❯❯ Christ consciousness, hypersensitivity, Pyramid frequency (inside). Instantly stimulates pineal gland which is our third eye. ✓ 111hZ ❯❯ First tone from Angelic Solfeggio Scale. Produces Beta endorphins, "Cellular Rejuvenation". ✓ 126.22hZ ❯❯ The Frequency Of The Sun. Advances the feeling of centering of magic & of the transcendental. ✓ 141.27hZ ❯❯ Frequency associated with orbit of Mercury. 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It cleans the cell (“Solve polluti“) from the toxins. Works on healing/clearing and balancing your throat (Visuddha) chakra. Directly works on awakening your intuition which is your inner voice from the soul, improves connection between you and your higher self. Frequent use of 741 Hz leads to a healthier, simpler life, and also to change in diet towards foods which are not poisoned by various kinds of toxins. ✓ 963hZ ❯❯ This is the last of 9 Ancient Healing Tones called "Solfeggio Frequencies". This tone awakens any system to its original, perfect state. It is connected with the Light and all-embracing Spirit, and enables direct experience, the return to Oneness. 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Shinzen Young was saying, somewhere in the middle of the clip, that "the Source created a wormhole." The Source is Shinzen Young's way of describing God (meaning, you, the infinite consciousness). The wormhole represents Riding the Ox Backwards. It's this transformation back into your ego from God.

What new structures? I agree with you when you said direct experience. If you're teaching because you developed new structures from other teachers, that's a belief. If you're teaching because you're drawing from your direct experience, then that's authentic. A teacher can only teach you to be more articulate. For example, Shinzen Young calls the transformation from God/No-self: Riding the Ox Backwards and God's arrow. Look up God's arrow under his name. That's why I think Shinzen Young knows Truth because he described the transformation from God as God's arrow. Leo, on the other hand calls it singularity or Godhead. Anyway, that transformation will take you back to your ego, and your ego will be bombarded with this massive love, indicating that you're on earth, the to love realm. The description of my whole story, I have to find a way to speak of it in my LP.