kieranperez

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About kieranperez

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    Lesser Chimp

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    San Francisco, California
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    Male

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  1. Knowing enlightenment is not enlightenment in the slightest. As long as you put faith in your 5 senses and see that as reality, you’re not gonna be enlightened.
  2. Not sure what that means or if that was a typo... Are you asking if I've been social with girls in the past? A little confused
  3. I'm starting from scratch with all my friends and relationships. Several months ago or so I noticed that I pretty much am the one that only was reaching out to (those I thought were) my friends and how I was never being reached out to. I had (who I thought was) my best friend that I've known since birth who supposedly moved out here to San Francisco to go to USF just so we can be near each other while he went to college in yet, I rarely ever got texts or calls from him in terms of hanging out and stuff. It was always me going around reaching out to him and asking him to go to parties with him that I thought he wanted me to go to. However, when I noticed no one really would reach out to me despite how much I would reach out to others to hang out and what not I decided to put an end to it and see what would happen. Never heard from anyone... and I do mean anyone. Including my best friend. Although it's tough to swallow that all the people I thought were my friends, including the one I've known for all my 22 years, I do feel a bit more at peace in a way. As much as this guy would tell me I'm his non-blood brother, best friend, and all this other nonsense and I don't hear a word from him because he's off hanging out with his other friends who supposedly he's not as close to as me, all that talk is exactly that. Talk. Before I would always shrug and be over it but now I've pretty much had it. This goes with those who've made up pretty much my entire social circle over the years. I don't want to be called a good friend and all this stuff but in reality you don't actually give a fuck. The more personal development I do and the more I learn to love solitude, the more I see this as just being such a silly game. Yeah, I'm hurt but I'd rather be hurt and have integrity then keep being a doormat and be lied to, whether people are conscious of their lies or not. With that said, I do want to develop a new higher conscious and more healthy fulfilling social circle. Inside though, to be honest, I'm resistant because given my shallow friendships, that's all I see this to be now. I don't really know what it feels like to have the opposite of that. Every time I talk with people now, which actually isn't hard for me as I'm still very outgoing, I still get this vibe that it's all shallow surface level conversations and what not and I don't want that nonsense anymore. Tips and advice on where I can from here and start over?
  4. Can psychedelics be an effective tool for tapping into true intuition and really give some great insight to help give myself a sense of direction? I find myself at a crossroads with #1 passion and I want to continue with it but I'm so stuck in trying to figure out what direction to go in. If so, does the choice in substance matter at all?
  5. Smart move! I was going to say, that was a bit risky putting that material out there. Either way, I'm glad I got to see it. I got my entire commonplace set up now and am already using it!
  6. Will be in your area soon I live in SF haha
  7. @SmartFixer_OceanJjb @Joseph Maynor where in SF? I'm in Hayes Valley in the city
  8. San Francisco, CA
  9. So I'm facing an issue right now. I don't feel that needy for a relationship. I mean, I want an authentic one but I don't find myself feeling desperate by any means. I tend to feel really lonely but that I've really started to learn that that's just me being so out of place with simply being which @Leo Gura has talked about in the past. Now that I'm about to start my journey with Enlightenment, that's something I know I'm going to get a lot better with in time. However, I notice I'm totally ignoring people and relationships now at this point and not wanting to work on my skills with women. I'm confident with my looks so it's not really an issue with that. I know I'm a good looking dude that knows how to dress well and all that. I just feel so out of place though socially. I'm noticing I'm becoming more and more introverted. Which I know is not a bad thing. Hell, it feels more real now. Yeah I get lonely but hell, I have mastered myself yet so I don't expect myself to be perfect. I just out of touch because I don't feel in contact with anyone though. Like, I'm just not putting myself out there. I can make easy conversation but I don't even feel compelled to flirt anymore. The more work I try to do on myself, the more out of touch I feel with people. I do want an authentic relationship but at the same time, I don't feel compelled to go out there. I think part of it has to do with insecurity that I don't have anything going in my life yet. Like, I still live with my dad and little brother and 22 so I guess I'm concerned with the way I come off. I feel like I'm not a true independent man yet. I guess I just don't feel like I have much to show for myself. I'm kinda at a cross roads where I'm questioning all the things I thought I was passionate about but seem so trivial now so I don't really know what to say about myself now. Again though, because of all that I'm just totally ignoring people now. This has been good in a way because now I've really been shown that the people who I thought were my best friends really aren't since they don't bother ever reaching out to me. A tough reality but a helpful one nonetheless. I think what has me feeling stuck is my own sense of lack of substance and stuff to offer. So I just feel so unmotivated to be out there anymore. I'm scared I guess too.
  10. Holy shit I really don’t get this. It’s like day after day I can’t get a break with getting into some sort of ordeal or issue. Today I was walking my dog and she’s peeing and 3 guys walk by me and say “pick up her shit or eat it.” I swear I almost wanted to jump this guy but I talked some shit back (I’m really trying to tone it down) and that was the end of that. Earlier today I bust a hole in my wheel in my car. Yesterday I walk by my house and some dude out of the blue who I don’t know literally just says “you’re a fucking asshole.” I ask, “excuse me?” And he’s like “you and me. No police.” I didn’t fight this guy but I went to my dad and I got the blame because I’m made out as the troublesome kid that always gets into problems with people. This stuff is daily. Something is happening everyday. Yes I know a lot of it is directly my fault but it’s just the timing that’s like ‘holy shit! EVERYDAY?!’ I live in a great part in San Francisco too. People legitimately don’t believe me when I tell them what happens day to day because “no one has this happen to them. No one has this bad of luck. Maybe it’s you.” I get a lot of it is but holy shit, I walk down the street and I get called a piece of shit asshole and get threatened? All while I’m trying to work on myself? I truly don’t understand.
  11. I JUST got out of my psychiatrist appointment 2 minutes ago and we’ve mutually decided to start tapering off ALL my meds (one at a time starting with Adderall)!! I’m so happy!!!
  12. How do I know though the difference between what psychedlics are best for whatever outcome I'm trying to obtain? I agree with your advice on how to go into a trip with an objective but since psychedelics supposedly vary in different kinda effects, how do I be strategic and know which one's are the right one's to take? Like, how do I know (and obviously I use that loosely because I know you need to be open to whatever can happen on a trip) which is the best psychedelic to take given my objective? For instance, how do I know say mushrooms is the right substance to take given what my needs?
  13. @Leo Gura the fact that I got an answer to that matter of mixing SSRIs and psychedelics and mood stabilizers is beyond appreciated. To be honest, that concern is really the thing that has been holding me back BUT, you'd find this interesting! I brought this up with my psychiatrist one time regarding LSD when I first contemplating taking psychedelics and he actually was so open minded and actually give me a legitimate answer of how on paper, LSD actually wouldn't be tampering really any of my medications. Funny enough... Abilify, which I listed as one of the medications I take, is commonly used to bring people down off of bad psychedelic trips. I have it lucky though. I've been working with my psychiatrist for so many years and he's someone who really knows his stuff and is very open minded and what not. Most people don't have that kinda relationship with psychiatrists. I'm not kidding when I say that he even subtly (of course) suggested that it might not be a bad idea but to still be cautious of course. He even explained how if anything my given medications wouldn't really change the matter because what LSD (which is what we were talking about) "tampers" with in the brain is separate from what my medication is addressing other than the Adderall which he suggested that if I do take acid, don't take Adderall with it. Really fascinating. And to his credit, he's the lead psychiatrist over at San Quentin Prison here in the SF Bay Area where I live so I really do have my trust in him.
  14. I've never done psychedelics before. I've swayed away to be honest from @Leo Gura's Psychedelics for Personal Development Video since it was released until today and to be honest... I wish I never postponed watching it. I feel so much safer and at peace after watching that and feel a lot more relaxed and calm and have such a greater sense of trust with my mind after watching that. I owe you one, Leo! With that said, I want to preface that I already am on psych medication, which I have listed in a prior post but list it here along with my dosages again anyways... - Adderall XR 20mg (morning... although now I wait till after I do my mindfulness meditation) - Lamictil 200mg (100mg 2x p/day) - Abilify 5mg (night) - Prozac 60mg (morning) So keep that in mind before leaving me your tips, advice, and such. What I want to know though is if I can use psychedelics as a tool to help me breakthrough to reach say my intuition, hit greater visions for my life, so on and so forth. My focus is not on Enlightenment right now. Right now I'm really stuck by just no real motivation to do anything with my life anymore. My passions in my life have just been decaying over the years and the more I try to rekindle them or to go down different avenues, it just doesn't happen. I have so many great self-help books and what not and I don't have the heart to read them now. There is passion in me. I'm a runner. Running has always given me the most joy in life to such an insane degree. I've even reached a TRUE runner's high in terms of the dopamine effect. People exaggerate this but there are dedicated runners that go a whole lifetime of running and never experience this. I don't get pleasure from my running anymore. It's just become more baggage on me. I can't even journal anymore. The distinction I really want to get across is that I'm NOT looking for some external solution to fix all my problems. I'm just in such a low place with motivation, passion, drive, discipline, focus, etc. that I just don't do anything. I don't even like labeling myself a victim because I never make excuses that blame outside circumstances. I know it's on me. I rarely if ever put my problem onto others and stuff like that. If I fail a test, I know it's on me. Period. I know the resolutions to my problems in life come from within. Fuck I've been on psych meds (if you count my ADHD medication) since I was 6 years old 16 years ago. I started my first antidepressant/mood stabilizer 8-9 years ago at 13 or 14. I know this is not a solution nor a magic pill. However, if this is a resourceful tool (which boils down to my main question) that can awaken all that I feel has decayed and deteriorated over the years then I'm willing to have an open mind, do my homework, and give it a shot. Could psychedelics help with these matters and matters related to this and more? If so, what substances are worth looking into?