kieranperez

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About kieranperez

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  • Birthday 05/10/1995

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    San Francisco, California
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  1. I've had a really hard time consoling myself with this reality. When I'm really in touch with my higher self, even on just a personality level, and I'm actually contemplating in one fashion or another and I have a profound insight even on just a relative level, I feel high. When I was really opening myself up and was contemplating light and realized I don't see light, I only see what stops light I was so happy I can't even explain it. That's one of the biggest excitements I have with consciousness work and when I read about people like da Vinci or go over Ralston's work. I miss learning. REALLY learning. However, I'm 24 with terrible self-esteem and I'm doing this summer sales gig of door-door sales just to earn enough money to move out. I feel like I'm selling my soul and even after this and even being clear on what I want, the reality of what my heart wants so FAR exceeds what I'm capacity to realistically pursue it because I feel so beaten down by my own years of detioriating self-esteem. I know there's no easy answer to this. I just feel so weak mentally. I'm going to use this exaggerated example... Imagine you really wanted to become a world champion body builder. Let's say you have the body and genes for it maybe. However, by the time you realize this vision you're out of shape and you're also in your late 20s. Most importantly, as a result of having gotten out of shape, your self-esteem is so low that your internal capacity to really honestly pursue this vision you know your heart wants is just out of reach. You've broken integrity for long and now your body is so full of shit that this goal feels impossible and although your heart wants it, it's so demoralizing because it feels like you're a newb mountaineer looking up and failing to climb Mt. Everest at 60 years old. That honestly feels like that with me with learning, life purpose, enlightenment to the degree I want to pursue it when it comes to my life circumstances, my cognitive condition with ADHD, and my self-esteem. Mainly the self-esteem and circumstances though. It's this inner frustration, apathy, and inner & outer resentment of like "I FUCKED UP MAN! NOW I HAVE TO CLEAN UP THIS WHOLE FUCKING THING I'M BARELY MENTALLY OF FIXING WHILE KEEPING IT TOGETHER MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY!" The reality of having to deal with life circumstances that I caused in one way or another, that it's my fault, and the fact that I now feel so fragile with a very weak ego structure that I feel hopeless and demoralized and I get stuck in victim mindset (and getting upset with myself that I am being a victim).
  2. But didn’t you already shoot 2 massive long videos on What is God and all the questions that went with that?
  3. You keep referencing The Bible on this thread which is about a man (who never historically existed) who was unconditionally loving... in yet you're being the very devil Jesus warns you by saying the above "There's nothing wrong with being hateful or angry". Stop assuming most people have their shit together. Since when are the herd of sleeping sheep the one's worth listening to? The common masses are the one's who nailed Christ to a damn cross. Which goes into the point where virtually no-one just loves everything... That's right. High quality conscious human beings who truly know God and have the capacity to see and understand the world as it is (which is pure Love absent of the delusion of evil) are rare. Hence why Christians and the evolution of Christianity (aside from the rare enlightened mystics) became the very thing Christ warned those NOT to turn into. Hence why all your years of Bible study have gotten you nowhere. Drop this.
  4. @Mezanti 1000% agree.
  5. Yes & yes Yeah and Jesus was nailed to a cross for saying he was God and told Truth to power. How did that enlightenment thing work out? Truth is threatening. It rubs people the wrong way. That said, that doesn’t mean you need to go blabbing all this to people. Don’t confuse that. Also, until you get in your experience that God is you, it will be a lie. You’re going to be breaking integrity because honesty is being telling and living the truth of what is your genuine experience and reporting that condition as accurately as you can. If you’re not aware, it doesn’t do you any good. It actually hurts you.
  6. Feel free to update the booklist
  7. There has got to be a siddhi where I can watch Actualized.org videos before they come out
  8. @Leo Gura God wanted you to enjoy your trip
  9. That didn’t make any coherent sense as far as I’m concerned but alright I’ll watch the video 😂
  10. @Serotoninluv @CreamCat your points on AI and UBI really struck me. I’m not up to date on AI progress and not am I informed at all on the developments, implications, and full details behind UBI. I will say, whenever I think about the future of AI I get the chills. Especially when you consider how we can so naively put ourselves in a position of being obselete really is crazy. Keeps me up at night sometimes. I don’t know, it does feel like spooky times. That probably because I haven’t fully tasted (much less integrated) the ultimate perfection of everything. But yeah.. it does feel spooky to me. Our world is becoming so interconnected so much faster than we as a species are developing or are prepared for. Which just raises the question... how? It’s like we have issues as a global society that includes all beings (all of the planet - I would say cosmos but let’s keep this within the ballpark) that demands 2nd Tier development and solutions in yet we’re still toddlers at Blue and Orange and it’s being mostly directed by Orange people (in terms of the development of those in power and also causing this issues). Personally I literally have this inner alarm sometimes where it’s like “can we take a fucking T.O. and get a fucking game plan already?” Of course... life doesn’t work that way. The Tier 1 people can’t really see the problems at the altitude required in order to really effectively solve them. Think about that... a universal basic income + AI that makes us not only obsolete but we become dependent on even more so than we are now... I mean. I already can’t stand my phone addiction lol. I don’t know, I feel like I’m just waiting for a hurricane that’s about to wreck a massive amount of havoc we’re (and as far as my far I’m more referring to myself) not prepared for.
  11. Man... never thought about that in this light... What a massive insight
  12. Just from what you see in your own area, despite the potential extreme end of the Blue rednecks there that are still riding Trump for his indulgence in racism and hate speech and what not, do you think (outside of what I just described) that a lot of them feel hurt or betrayed by him? I mean, obviously they’re hurt because of him. What I’m asking though is, do you feel or see that they recognize and admit that? Just curious what it’s like there since I live in San Francisco so it’s hard for me to really soak into the “true American Stage Blue” perspective other than just the erroneous and obvious example we see on the news and social media.
  13. @RichardY you’re interpreting a metaphor literally. More so, you’re interpretting a metaphor from someone who lived thousands of years ago in a completely different context and stage of cognitive development as a culture literally. There is no evil. Morality is a human invention that became part of our development. With that said, that doesn’t imply that all because there is no evil we can’t construct social contracts to maintain a more “civilized” society.
  14. I think this is probably the most horseshit thing I’ve ever read. *shits pants laughing*
  15. @Leo Gura so you’re literally saying that the more genuine and truly fundamentally authentic an intention is when one “prays”, the more powerful it is? Making it more “powerful” is one’s genuine conscious understanding and connection with their own “Godhood”?