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About kieranperez

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  1. Going through a really rough patch right now in my withdrawal phase. Really starting to feel delayed effects from reducing my Adderall dosage since I’m tapering off, having successfully gotten off Prozac, Lamictil, and Lithium. I’m in constant emotional turmoil it seems like these last few days. I’m getting so emotional out of nowhere where I reach heavy tears from random frustration. I have no passion now with my Life Purpose and am shaming and guilting myself to still do it. I even reached a conscious realization how I actually don’t want to be happy. I’m in such a deep state of neurosis that I don’t know what to do. If any of you have been through this i could really use your advice on techniques that could help. I feel so dead and upset that it’s like I subconsciously don’t want to feel good, as twisted as that sounds.
  2. I was going to make a post asking about this matter of maybe being better off having a strong foundation of more fundamental personal development work before starting my pursuit of Enlightment and man, this is exactly what I needed. This right here I think saved me from going too fast and thus falling into a huge trap.
  3. Are all self-esteem problems basically just self-image problems at their root?
  4. To what extent do you mean by this? Are you referring to just reading books and stuff? Or are you actually saying to stop being productive and doing all that I need to get done because the latter just isn't realistic nor doable. I can't just put my life on hold if that's what you're saying.
  5. Tapering off 17 years of Adderall is a long haul process. The short answer to this is no. Gotten me nowhere so far. Not following that last part lol
  6. Could use guidance/advice right now. I'm tapering off of Adderall now and have been for the last month after 17 years of being prescribed ADHD medication. I'm also slowly tapering off my the following other meds by taking them every other day: Prozac Abilify I'm just so tired all the time. I take half of what I've been taking for Adderall for years now (20 mg XR, now at 10 mg Immediate Release). I'm really struggling right now with working on my emotions and consciousness work and just being productive in general. I don't have any patience or concentration AT ALL. I thought my attention span was already much similar to that of a squirrel while on Adderall but man... now that I'm off, it's just incredible and mind-blowing how little attention span I have now. I can't read books or anything. I feel like an emotional wreck. I don't feel suicidal at all, so I'm not like a crying mess all day. I just am all over the place. I feel so much more vulnerable to my emotions, especially when I'm doing my athletic training as a runner which is huge for me. I have a lot of psychological work I need to do in my running as I have a lot of trauma there and emotional blocks that I need to get over and now when I run I get so easily overrun by strong negative emotions. Has anyone gone through this and made it through the other side? What sort of mindsets should I be cultivating? Personal-development work is so much more hard now that I'm going through this.
  7. Do you still incorporate daily Mind Power practice?
  8. I live in SF so yeah I support this lol
  9. "... go out and work your ass off to actualize that 1% which is within your power." What if that 1% of what I vision is always changing? I think one insight I'm getting from this blog post is that for me as my own visionary is that it would be more wise to keep a more abstract vision for my life because well... desires and goals are always going to change and evolve and such. I think self-actualization is a great vision because it's not so set-in stone in terms of accolades. The abstraction of the vision is what makes it so powerful because it allows for creativity to flow and morph naturally and also allows for flexible changes in one's life.
  10. Hey all, I really want to tackle this issue from a different angle than I normally do when I ask questions on here. Rather than really ask for just techniques I could use some help really unearthing what core issue(s) I'm struggling with in terms of me taking action and really being motivated. So I have my Life Purpose which is being a coach for elite middle/long/ultra distance runners. That's for my career. Now for my own personal mission is to self-actualize as both an all-around human being but also as an athlete. For the sake of making this easy I'm going to focus this post around just me as an athlete (I'm a runner). So, running is something I am intrinsically motivated to do. I've been an athlete literally my entire life. Training in sports has been my bread and butter honestly since I was about 2. I've always been compelled to excel as an athlete. Now, as common as that may sound, my motivation to become the best athlete I can be isn't out of some insecure and neurotic desire to be "the best". What's important to understand about me and my incredible motivation to excel as an athlete is that I love the feeling of mastering myself both physically and mentally. Now, I am a fierce competitor when I'm out there on the track or on the course racing. What I love about it though is the feeling of pushing myself to the absolute limit. My relationship towards sports is almost identical to the way @Leo Gura describes The (Highest) Hero's Journey. I feel like I'm on a mission and that I'm on my own purpose. There's something about putting training yourself both mentally and physically that is just so natural to me. It feels almost primal. I train alone and I actually coach myself. I've always set a high bar for myself in terms of what I believe I'm physically able to accomplish. Now, here's where things have gotten rocky for me... Over the years I've hit in my mind a lot of failures of the last 9 years in my sport and in life and have had a lot of external influences really get at me that has brought my vision for what I'm so passionate about a lot lower. To the point where I actually dismiss visioning for myself. Also, this is something a lot of you can probably relate with and Leo has talked about quite often in a lot of episodes, as I do more personal development, meditation, etc. I'm becoming more aware of how meaningless my passion and all my goals have been all my life. However, I still love running though. I still want to do things with my life. I want to move out, be financially independent, get Enlightened, and all this stuff because every time I go back to what my intuition tells me, all this stuff still remains as intrinsic desires in my mind. So on some level I do still want them. However, I barely even train now though. I'm noticing this lack of drive. I feel like this awareness of how meaningless this all is is stripping me of my passion. The weird thing is that I also know though that all because something is meaningless, doesn't mean it's not worth doing for the sake that I still want it. So it's the weird paradox of knowing that meaninglessness isn't some bad thing in yet, even though I know that, it's still leading me to sabotage working on what I do love. I just feel so stuck in my own psychology. I mean, I try visualizing my own goals and such to really lock in my motivation again to stay on track and stay grounded in what I'm passionate about but I can tell this is leading to some noticeable neurosis where I'm just trying to force things. Then when I turn the pendulum the other way around and detach, well... I just don't get anything done at all without a care in the world. I'm at a point where I can't seem to stop backsliding even when I get some motivation up and going. I find it so hard to reconnect and still committed to my training, life purpose, productivity, etc. Hell, I think what's really hurting me now with this too is that I can't even set goals for myself that I feel motivated towards now. I also notice that even if I set goals that motivate me one day or even for like a week or however long (pick your duration), when I really try to reconnect with my vision I notice it just keeps changing. Sorry if this was a bit of a ramble! As always, thanks!
  11. @Sahil Pandit right on man! Good on you! Finally, a guy on here whose gonna get me on this aha for me it kinda depends. Tempo runs I can lock in sometimes. Usually the more I pick it up, the better I can lock in but it depends on the day really. I'm starting up training again and went for an easy 8 and man my mind was just going nuts. I'm so in my head running that it really hurts me in workouts and especially in races where I DNF because I just can't calm my mind. I want to practice mindfulness but I imagine that actually getting in the way of decision making and being locked in during races and workouts because when those bigger quality days come up, you actually need to focus on executing.
  12. @see_on_see What exactly do you think I’m asking lol
  13. Hey guys so before I go forward I just want to start and make the disclaimer that I do have my Life Purpose. However, knowing that my Life Purpose is going to take many years to align with and I can't jump straight into it I feel this matter is really important in the short run. So right now I pretty much have no real practical, well-paying, highly valuable career skills. I don't know coding, web design, marketing, don't have any business skills or intellect, etc. I didn't go to college but I'm 22 and I live here in the heart of San Francisco. So you can imagine the jobs there are here haha. Quite frankly, doing this low menial labor of just working in retail and stuff here in the Bay Area simply isn't doable in order to live here. If you know anything about living here in the SF Bay Area, you know what I'm talking about and I still have yet to move out. Almost as equally important, this menial shit and just being a cog in a machine is crippling my self-esteem because I have no value to the world in terms of practical services. So what are some career skills you guys think would be worth cultivating? I'm more than willing to learn and invest in books, courses, seminars, etc. For example: photoshop programming Web development As always, thanks!
  14. Starting off the new year with my longest meditation sit ever that I'm going to commit to every single day until I die - 1 Hour (Do-Nothing technique) Still have yet to define what it is I want out of my running and lay out a vision for myself. Really struggled with this confusion on my run today as I just felt so frustrated that I'm not clear on my vision yet. Also on this morning's training run I was just way too in my head as usual. The racing thoughts just never ceased. Had to stop multiple times in the 8 mile run. Just getting my first entry on here out there to get the ball rolling... More to come.
  15. Start by eliminating the foods you know are bad for you, e.g. Fast food, soda, etc. I know that’s not the answer you may not want to hear but just start with that. Don’t overthink this issue. I’m friends with nutritionists that are part of Team USA and what not and when you talk to these guys you really start to learn that most of this industry of nutrition is an industry made up of fads. I have friends who’ve medaled in the Olympics in my sport (Track, Middle/Long/Ultra Distance Running, etc.) and also of various different lifestyles and really what diet comes down to is what you’re after with it. There is no universal diet. If you’re an endurance athlete training for 100+ mile distances, your “perfect” diet is going to be very different than that of someone that’s simply training to lose 50 pounds. One thing I can’t stand is when people try to compare the way ones body breaks down food, certain types of food, etc. I can’t even remotely explain how different everybody’s metabolism is. I’m 6’0 and 135 pounds and I’ve never in my life had to limit what I eat. My body has a freakish metabolism where I’m very fortunate that I can eat LARGE quantities of almost any kind of food and still not gain weight. However, there are guys with my frame who can’t afford to eat like me. So my point here is to stop looking at what’s working for others so much but rather to see what your body responds to. I know that’s not technical but that is the best way to find out what works for you. Most important though, you need to figure out what your aim is with nutrition and what you eat. Do you love food? Are you a food geek much like me where you’re in love different styles of food BUT can’t get away with doing what someone like me can do where you eat whatever you want without worrying about weight? Or are you an athlete? Ask yourself these kinda questions. hope this helps!