kieranperez

Member
  • Content count

    1,222
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About kieranperez

  • Rank
    - - -
  • Birthday 05/10/1995

Personal Information

  • Location
    San Francisco, California
  • Gender
    Male

Recent Profile Visitors

3,730 profile views
  1. @zambize this is definitely awesome advice. Forgot to mention that I was planning on only going to start with 1 hahaha I never really smoke weed but last time I did it was a month and a half ago, which was my first time in more than a year, and after I had 1 hit from a vape pen I had a radical Kundalini awakening, astral projection, and opening of my third eye... so in case you want to know if I’m a lightweight hahahahahaha One of the things I intuit I’m probably going to face is my lack of authenticity and my utter snake nature of my chronic lying and phoniness. As far as bad trips, in a weird sense I do kinda “want” to know what would pop up. I know I have A LOT of shit from my past from growing up and a lot of deep seeded issues that can really come up that, for some strange reason or another, I’ve always “wanted” to finally face to be like ‘I’m finally seeing whats been causing this’. At the end of the day, if it needs to come up, even though I acknowledge this is before the fact.
  2. @zambize won’t be taking it until probably next week. As far as emotional state goes, it really depends. Right now on the macro level, my life is numb. I’ve really lost any sort of vision, passion, ambition, and direction for my life. Which is the main reason I’m doing this trip. The nondual consciousness work and realizations I can pursue later in regards to usage of psychedelics I think... although I certainly won’t reject an ego death if it starts going they way in this trip. I can hit some deep depressions as early as when I wake up where I struggle to get up in the morning and be at home with my dad and brother because I feel like I’m wasting my life at a retail job that I’m so dissatisfied with in yet I have no direction or vision of what to do, what I want to do and pursue at least in the short term (few years). I don’t want to lie about that because 1. I want to stop lying, 2. I know that that is definitely a huge playing factor as to what can happen in the trip. I really just have no direction anymore and I’ve completely lost touch with any sort of blaring intuition with what I want out of life, what I want to pursue, and so on. I’m aware of the possible dangers of this stuff which is why I’ve held off for many years now but I’m so lost in my own ego-mind’s victim stories that shut down any sort of vision for my life and so forth. I feel like I need to trust that, yes there’s a risk, but sometimes we do need to take a risk. I feel like this could be the opportunity I’ve really been in need of to access a higher state of consciousness and also intuition that can drown out that ego-mind and reveal something. Of course it can be the other way. At the same time though, I’ve been so terrified and security all these years that that is exactly why I’m still at home. I haven’t been willing to put my ass on the line.
  3. @Aeris that’s some interesting advice right there. Thanks I’ll make sure to leave some paper, pens, and pencils lying around. Will definitely have some music at my disposal when it’s needed.
  4. So I just acquired 2 tabs of roughly 105 mg of LSD. This will be my first psychedelic trip. I wouldn’t say I’m strictly going to use this for just nondual purposes although of course, that will still certainly play a role. I really want to contemplate: what I want most deeply out of life tap into my deepest vision for what impact I want to have on the world what is my heart calling forth I know it’s important to surrender during the trip. What role does contemplation serve though during the trip? How do you stay grounded enough to not get lost into the dualistic visual phenomena and even mental phenomena to contemplate deeply on certain matters? This seems to me to be quite a paradox. On the one hand you surrender completely to the trip. On the other hand it’s also important to contemplate. On the third hand(?) it’s important not to get lost in the phenomenal dualistic nature of the trip and remain grounded. What are some tips for setting intent? How to contemplate while on a psychedelic? I would like for this advice to be practical and tanbigle if possible. Thanks!
  5. @zambize go back to my previous comments and see the examples I gave. That’s more than enough to contemplate. We’re doing this all on actualized.org... that gives more than enough theory on how to contemplate and already a lifetime amount of material on what to contemplate. It’s out there. There is no excuse. When I see questions like this it immediately shows how much people take for granted these questions, these issues, not putting forth the skin in the game to solve this. I don’t need to give someone examples. People need to cultivate the desire to discover the truth, with or without help, and that’s not something someone can teach you. Fortunately, it’s all out there... for free! The problem is we take it for granted and the moment we get stuck we want someone to give us an answer. This inhibits learning as it’s not learning at all. Most people don’t want to know to the point where they go through the grueling hours of contemplation, which isn’t to say this a some suffererfest. Learning and contemplating (whether at the level of mind or beyond the mind) is life envigorating but no one can instill that in you. People, and I hold myself to this as well, need to learn to contemplate whether they have someone lay down some syllabus of instructions or not. At the end of the day, you have to do the heavy lifting. Nothing short of that will cut it. Welcome to discovering and solving real world issues. I would agree more if the context were more emotionally challenging issues like depression or something like that.
  6. There is no static authentic self (unless you’re talking about complete Nothingness). As far as your character, yeah you’re always changing. This is why enlightenment is necessary in order to truly understand and learn how to embody true authenticity through trial and error. This is also why it’s important to apply radical ruthless honesty. All your lies, phoniness, pretending, putting on a certain image is important because it burns all of that up. I suggest you look into the following resources: Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton Practicing Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton Peter Ralston’s books Peter Ralston’s Cheng Hsin Workshop: Communication & Relationship Psychedelics God
  7. @Angelite don’t outsource contemplation to anyone else. This is why it’s hard - it’s independent. No one else. You’ve gotta discover it for yourself like oa pirate who discovers burried treasure. When he finds the treasure, he doesn’t need to look anymore because it right there. There’s no more “is this the treasure?” It’s right there. Glowing in his face. But he also had navigate and do the search himself in order to even get to that point. My opinions and thoughts after I die are irrelevant because in the end, I don’t know. Until I have awakened, I won’t know. That’s the bottom line. Any other answer than that is just bullshit because it’s me putting up a front as though I know when I actually don’t. Treat assumptions, beliefs, etc. like soiled toilet paper. Throw them away. Do the work. Don’t ask me or anyone else here for answers if you want to know the truth. Get it for yourself otherwise you didn’t get it. It’s that simple. Take this seriously. People are dying, you’re suffering, the world is suffering, etc. it’d be useful to know what’s going on but you’re not going to truly get it until you put all your skin in the game to do the search regardless of how much or how little help you get. These events should arise a curiosity in you that motivate you do this search because it is fascinating as to why human beings do this. And the truth to this has practical application in your life when it comes to political policy, where you shop, who you vote for, what food you eat, etc. That requires responsibility and you’re not going to take on that responsibility to fix the blunders of mankind if you don’t know what these blunders are to begin with for yourself as a result of your own contemplation. Not leaning on anyone else. Seek the truth. Not an answer.
  8. @Angelite you’re looking too micro. Go macro. Again, exam the sameness between you and them. How are all terrorists the same? How are you the same as all terrorists? Put yourself into their position in your mind and pretend to reenact their life. How did this ideology come to be? How does it come to pass? Why does this ideology exist? What values does this ideology promote? What motives spring from such values? How does this influence the nature of their perception and how they see reality What threatens them? How is this the same as me? How is what threatens them the same thing that threatens me? SEE THE DEEP SAMENESS. STOP FOCUSING ON THE MICRO DIFFERENCE IN CONTENT. Again, go macro. You’re doing good. Just stop dissecting. Allow yourself to not know. When you understand this mechanism in you, everything makes more sense. But again, don’t turn that into the belief that everybody is also entirely the same as you in the relative sense because you being exactly the same as everybody and everything and also entirely different everybody are both true. This is where a lot of people on the forum fuck up.
  9. @Aeris good god fucking chill. Look, I know what it’s like to struggle in school because we were in a very antiquated educational system. Believe me, I don’t have much I grant the modern education system. But you’re not more special than anyone else. Yeah you’re unique, and so is everybody else. And we’re also all exactly the same. These things are worth outgrowing. OCD, ADHD/ADD are not neuroses worth parading around for if you can do what you can to correct them. Stop creating some stupid story out of this stuff. They’re not true nor real for that matter. Who and what you are is not a gender. You’re not a personality. You’re not any of these things. Drop this stupid identity game. After a certain point it’s just juvenile. If you want to have sex with a man, have sex with a man. You want to have sex with a woman? Have sex with a woman. You want to have sex with an animal? Have sex with an animal. You want to have sex with a vegetable? Have sex with a vegetable. You want to have sex with inanimate objects, do that too! Journaling is a struggle for me personally. Much easier (though still challenging) to make a video journal that I put onto OneNote. As far as how helpful I find it... not very. Right now my life needs to tangible real world action and solutions (followed by some journaling, writing, strategizing, etc.).
  10. First off, I’m not denying that the reality of the universe being energy and all that and I get where you’re coming from. Certain people do have certain talents that are subject to genetics. Again, don’t be too black and white. Talent exists and it is a real phenomena in this relative world. Not everybody has the physical giftedness of Kenyans in endurance running, or the mind of an Albert Einstein, or the talent of Michael Jordan in basketball. All because it worked for you doesn’t mean your path is everybody else’s path. It just doesn’t turn out that way in real life. Same with success. Not everybody can be Bill Gates or be a millionaire for that matter due to a variety of limiting factors. That’s not an excuse. There’s still extordinary things we can do as people given our own indivual and unique strengths, and fortunate circumstances. To make a counterpoint. You’re alluding to something Sadhguru has talked about before even regarding ADHD involving energy, yogic practice, etc. I want this to be made clear: I do not discredit this at all. I’m not saying ADHD is some fixed distinction. I’m referring to more symptoms because again, there’s always going to variance from person to person. I do certainly without a doubt believe that what you’re talking about can work. Particularly if it’s a process and training conducted under a master like Sadhguru or other such gurus. But that doesn’t mean that that is what’s going to work for everyone. Again, I’m not calling you full of shit. I’m saying it’s partial because that stuff just doesn’t work in the real world in the sense that “this worked for me so it’ll work for everyone because ___”. I would also suggest you drop this false distinction between “natural and unnatural”. Other than that, I’m glad you’re past this.
  11. Cut the mental masterbation. Get to Turquoise and then drop this model. Models are meant to eventually be transcended and discarded.
  12. You don't understand because you're not taking this work deep enough. Start actually putting yourself in the gunman's shoes. Literally visualize what it would be like to be him and start to realize you're not any different from him. Stop outsourcing the contemplation and work you need to do to understand what's actually happening in the world. Contemplate what ideology is. Visualize what it would be like to grow up and live life as a racist with that kind of conditioning and that one of the very few reasons you don't turn into that kinda racist like him is simply grew up under a different set of conditionings but they were unconscious conditionings nonetheless. Understand that he couldn't be other than what he is. Contemplate deeply what fear is Contemplate what anger is Contemplate what self deception is Contemplate and realize how much you deceive yourself and exploit others for your selfish agenda and not even realize it all in vain to your own selfish agenda Contemplate your own personal dogmas, belief systems that still govern your entire life and run your self agenda to suit your survival as an organism and your individual and collective identity Contemplate victim mindset Contemplate the deep sameness between you and him Contemplate the differences between you and him Contemplate "how did I turn out different than him in my beliefs, world-views, values, morality,, etc.?" Contemplate what changes you can make in your everyday existence to help elevate those people? How would you relate to them? How can you appeal to the deep sameness between you and them and raise them up without coming from a place of condemnation? Put skin into the game man. Stop asking other people to give you these answers. You don't grow or learn from people giving you freebies. These events should be triggering and motivating you to go deeper into your contemplation and ask "what the fuck is going on?" and search for yourself independently then apply this in some way in the real world.
  13. That site hasn’t worked for me at all. Every time I try and pay it doesn’t work. I’ve askeda couple friends to pay for it and I Venmo them but it doesn’t seem to work for them either. Thanks man Your perspective is partial. ADHD is overdiagnozed. Without a doubt. However that doesn’t mean that it’s not a real thing. There are people out there, myself included that have legitimate ADHD. I’m a bit of a weird case because I was on Adderall (and other ADHD medication that I had to experiment with when I was younger) for 17 years so what effects that has had on my brain chemistry isn’t something I (nor can anyone) can really say with pure certainty and what caused it. Also this notion that all because you clean up your eating, meditate, decrease media consumption, etc. doesn’t guarantee or cure all issues. It’s just not true. Yes, those things are important and should be pursued. Not debating that. But the notion that that all of a sudden means you’re all well and good for every single person is just a fantasy. I get where you’re coming from though so thanks.
  14. What nootropics have those of you with legitimate ADHD found most helpful? I can’t afford neurofeedback nor can I go through the whole prescription process for modofinil. I got off 17 years of Adderall along with many other SSRIs, mood stabilizers, etc. in January of 2018 but really need a healthier yet still effective alternative to what I was on (which stopped working years ago anyways).