Zigzag Idiot

On one level it's funny to watch all these conversations turn into arguments. On another level, it's something else. Frustrating, boring, meaningful, brilliant, stupid, compassionate or all of the above.

How fast can you awaken ? How fast can you fall asleep in identification? It's paradoxical and then some,,,, It is it. It makes everything become poetry and then lose all meaning only to reappear again if you give up. I have nothing more to say but I can't shut up about it. You're a walking mirror.

One morning I awoke to the voice of a friend. I cooked sausage and eggs as he talked to me some more. Crying while eating was,,,, well, it's never a graceful thing. It's considered improper. My appetite doesn't disappear when I grieve. Eating soothes my instinctive and emotional centers. Although awkward, It seems natural to me. This happened a few weeks ago. I can't even say what it was about. I experience my feelings that way. Maybe I do shut my feelings off and sometimes when they hit, they come on strong. Whatever the feeling may be. In the last 3-4 years my experience of hatred has evolved. I don't carry anger with me the way I used to. I feel hatred very intensely but it seems like it burns hotter and burns clean. If that makes any sense. It also goes against the idea of being evolved in any way, or spiritual, or actualized or realized,,, I,m not going to be defensive about it. We can't force ourselves to change how we feel. Ponder that. You feel how you feel,,,, until you feel different. Sometimes you never know who is going to be a Teacher. I've had a few Teachers. Life gave them to me. There was one or two ,,, who at times I fucking hated them. Being honest about it, Teachers give you pain as often as they inspire it seems.

Your chi is your replenish-able life force. You’re confused and then You see too much You gain an understanding which gives you a metaphorical Teflon coating. BAM

On the subject of Individuation. I see the title of the following YouTube fairly inaccurate but the content to be concise.

Merkaba and Toroidal field are two terms that I’ve taken an interest in. Also ethics in relation to A.I and quantum computers which is almost laughable considering my ability to do anything whatsoever about it. Now isn’t this an odd combination of material that seems relatively synchronous. I’ve got several metaphorical file folders in my mind where I hold bits of information as if were true. From there a discernment of to what degree is this true. Partial perspectives here,,, partial perspectives there,,, here a spective there a spective,,, fairly often blah, blah, blah, 😕 https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/markabah The Very Presence of Pure Pleasure The Markabah is a structure of essence, composed of all aspects in the diamond form except that in this dimension each aspect appears not only clear, faceted, and precise but also as the very presence of pure pleasure. Each diamond feels and tastes like wonderful piece of candy, with an affect deeply and pleasurably satisfying, a state of consciousness that fills the soul with a pleasurable bliss that penetrates and suffuses all of her field, filling all the cells of the body with a glowing and fulfilling sensation. The Inner Journey Home, pg. 240 If anyone reading this and is interested in these topics. Feel free to share your insights and opinions,,,,,

Used to say “mellow” as a description. Seems “chill” is the more commonly used term these days.

You should become intensely interested in your experiences of reactivity and negative emotions. This is your sleep. This is also my sleep. I feel I Am annoying sometimes. I should remember that less is more,,,, sometimes.

New technology Are these real?

The roots of suffering are in attachment. Metanoia is a transformative change of heart or mind. Originating from ancient Greek (metanoein), it means to "think differently" or "repent". It describes a profound, often spiritual or psychological journey of leaving behind old paradigms, correcting course, and experiencing a fundamental shift in perception. The repetitive motion of finding oneself through Identification (even true and worthy descriptions) keeps the being energy just below the critical velocity needed to escape the gravitational field of narrative selfhood.” - Cynthia Bourgeault What is this narrative selfhood? This inability to experience non-attachment that keeps one glued to a contracted neurotic self absorbed state of consciousness. It’s a state and stage of consciousness that every human being has to find their way out of as a child then again as an adolescent then again as an adult. This is not a one-time-across-the finish-line phenomena. To Self-remember is to make contact with a more transpersonal self who experiences a paradoxical condition of being innocent. Sometimes referred to as grace.Experienced in fleeting moments. It could be considered a muscle or a capacity that has to be developed through one’s own conscious efforts. Narrative consciousness can let us have inner arguments going that drive away the awareness of what our conscience is trying to tell us. But not always,,, Earth is a pain factory and we can’t avoid that. Just ask a gazelle that’s watching a Lion eat its intestines while it struggles.That’s a pretty brutal scene. Humans still behave in brutal ways. Especially when they’re insecure about their own survival. Now I’m just stating the obvious. Guess what? Bears shit in the woods.

Thinking too much becomes a problem in itself. Juxtaposed to this is not thinking at all. Remembering that balance is not only key in thinking but also in sensing and feeling. Each in a proper balance according to the situation. Some people might scoff at the idea of me being a person interested in the idea of actualizing my potential. I eat a lot of chocolate ice cream. Why? Because I won’t be able to enjoy it after my body dies. Sugar is not very healthy in one’s diet. I don’t deny that fact. But I tolerate sugar better that some people. Yet sugar does add to one’s tendency for expressing negative emotions. I observe myself become quite negative at times. There are many reasons behind why we behave the way we do. What’s in our diet,,, How other people treat us,, Environmental stresses,,, How do you appear to other people? Do they know what your inner world is like? Here’s a rhetorical question for ya. How is your inner world?

@Natasha Tori Maru Thank you!

Hi Excuse me, uhh,, I wiped out my entire Journal a day or two ago. @Natasha Tori Maru , Do you think there’s some way I could get it back. I hit the hide and save button on the first page and gave no reason for doing so. Anyhow, please let me know if you need some more information. If it can’t be brought back,,, darn but on the other hand. There goes a lot of embarrassment for people who know me. Especially family. Either way, Thank you.

@SimpleGuy Thought you might enjoy this example of creative marketing,,,

In my mind a placeholder is someone so independent minded yet trustworthy that they act on one’s behalf when it’s needed while one is absent. They don’t seek influential power but act only from a place of benevolence. Their humility compliments their confidence like a cool breeze on a warm day. They are the good Samaritans who do not judge.