Zigzag Idiot

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About Zigzag Idiot

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  • Birthday 09/01/1967

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  1. As an adolescent I was so green that I thought women never got horny. I just thought they were being kind or were maybe just trying to get approval because they had deep insecurities like myself. I was so shy and ashamed of masturbating in my early teens that I thought about committing suicide on more than one occasion when wondering if other people might know or find out that I did such a horrible thing. At 54, I’m a lot closer to my physical death now which changes how I feel about things and what I’m willing to express openly or somewhat openly. Masturbation turned out to be one of my strategies for distracting myself from an alcoholic indulgence early in life. It wasn’t enough though. I struggled with my alcoholism until I was 38 years old in 2005. I haven’t drank since and have lost all desire to do so. I never thought I would be free of the compulsion to drink and I am grateful for that. Despite contending with other addictions on my path. By the way, one other strategy for not drinking was to eat a good meal. The compulsion for drinking alcohol is much less on a full stomach. In AA years ago I learned the acronym - H.A.L T. It was said that if your an alcoholic, one must guard against getting hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Human beings evolved with having an outrageous sex drive which has made it possible for our species to survive all the diseases and catastrophes that has been there in our history. Many Religions shame people for their animal nature which effectively makes them more prone to manipulation. Sexually repressed people often get really twisted. Like all those Catholic priests who molest little boys. Or sexual repression results in chronic frustration and anger for others. The adrenal type in the endocrine typology, of which I am one, is the most oversexed of all types in our species which is in itself oversexed. Susan Zannos, in my opinion, author of one of the best books on this typology titled simply Human Types; Essence and the Enneagram made a statement concerning instinctive-moving adrenal type men. That they quite often have a certain ignoble habit or tendency,,,,. I’m not going to disparage the disciples of no fap. I know that there are many ways of living with many variables. The idea of sublimation of sexual energy makes sense to me but I could never pull it off. (No pun intended) I once thought in the fairly recent past that if masturbation had been somehow impossible throughout my life, I would probably have already murdered 3000 - 4000 people. So don’t let those forest fires of anger get out of control. Just do what olé Strokey the Bear cub says. Only you can prevent those forest fires of anger in this wilderness of life. Strokey the Bear cub is somewhat of a stroke-slut and a carefree Carebear and many would not even suspect it. It’s true that not everyone is going to heed his advice and that’s okay too. Have a good day.
  2. Robert S. de Ropp wrote a Self help classic sometime around the late 1960’s called -The Master Game. Another book of his written after this I enjoyed was called - Self Completion. My favorite of his though was his autobiography called - The Warrior’s Way. de Ropp was born in the late 1800’s in a family of European nobility. Bavarian ,, I think. The last of the family wealth was spent by his father who was a rather cold character. de Ropp educated himself and was one of the first in his field of molecular biology,, I think. Some kind of biology anyway. The hardships of his youth carried over into his adult life where he became one of Ouspensky’s students in Great Britain. Eventually he moved to the states. One of the most memorable parts of his story occurred in Australia during his youth and where he came quite close to committing suicide. Later on in his family life, his first wife went insane and during his second marriage his wife gave birth to a boy who was severely mentally and physically handicapped. For a number of years while he lived in the New York area taking care of his son as compassionately as he could occupied most of his time and resources. He wasn’t a very warm and caring person and reading between the lines one can get a glimpse of some of his inner struggles. He eventually moved to California where he organized small Work groups or schools in the Fourth Way tradition. He succumbed to the force of the Ocean late in life as an old man kayaking off the pacific coast.
  3. Plutonium confusion That was a term I heard Ken Wilber use in his Kosmic Consciousness interview with Tami Simon. It stuck with me because I felt I could closely relate with what K. Wilber was expressing. I experienced a flavor of this in the recent past but with the added quality, from my perspective anyway, of being divided against myself. Being divided against or within yourself is what guilt does. That’s one reason why it’s worse than useless. It’s actually more like a curse and a spell that perpetuates psychic entropy. In the New Testament Jesus said in Luke 14:26 - “If any man come to Me and hate not his father and mother, and wife and children, and brethren and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. This sums up the state of mind that must be cultivated for overcoming mainly the Superego in oneself. ( The internalized critic in one’s mind that is subtly disguised from its origins as usually one of our parents or caretakers telling us what we ought to do or how we should be. This is one of the ways this useless paralyzing phenomenon is instilled in us early in life and ironic and paradoxically blocks from us our own awakened conscience. When the Quoted scripture says - “ yea, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple.” - In my thinking that is the description of our life while under the influence of our childhood conditioning or cultivated conscience. The group-think of the collective ego,, Our inner barometer is not reading true with cultivated conscience but only after we have contacted that innermost place in us where awakened conscience comes from. Conscience not Consciousness. We are only awakened or have contacted higher consciousness when we see the uselessness of guilt and experience awakened conscience. Remorse of course 😁is what should be there if you’re kind of a square or kind of a shmoo or kind of a shmoe or somewhat of a ho. Not a psychopath though who never feels guilt or feels remorse. That is of course a true lunatic who is like a cosmic dog tick sucking the lifeblood energy called chi out of everyone else. The archetypal egomaniac. I ended this rap not rhyming at all because it didn’t fit and so it might stick inside you’re head because you’re not dead or Zed or Sally or Hitler or Fred. You’re just a unique shmuck or maybe a shmoo or maybe a shmoe and kind of a ho. You are innocent you must see and not a chicken of the deep blue sea. But to not be a chicken, you must find the courage to truly think for yourself not like anyone else but paradoxically like everyone else when they have all awakened.
  4. I haven’t added much to my ambitious project of redefining insanity through the United States Judicial system. I’ll probably get fired up about it in a matter of time. I think it’s something very worthwhile to ponder about. I joined Martin Butlers Patreon Channel a couple of months ago. He has said a number of things I just can’t agree with. There’s no more hero worship there with him I’m pretty sure. A couple of times I’ve almost cancelled and told him what an arrogant prick I thought he was. Then he’ll mention something that really makes me stop and think. He’s pretty real and down to earth. I don’t really jive with his cynicism though. He releases quite a bit of material on Patreon. Sometimes I can come across as arrogant. Leo has confessed his arrogance or exhibiting that trait in the perception of others at times. I respect his periodic displays of humility. He seems more idealistic than M. Butler though and it’s there that I side with Butler. He says things like just “be a loser,,,” or “don’t try,,,” I like that. Im not saying that my critique of either is accurate though. Most all of us are different when we meet in person. Self improvement can become material used for building more ego structures and dissociating from what’s most real. This can easily stand in the way of honest self observation and pondering one’s inevitable death of the physical body. I’ve used up all my allotted space for attachments on actualized.org.. One thing I must do here is to start using a snipping tool and replacing my attachments with those that don’t use up so much space. That’s why I haven’t added any of my I CHING readings in the last couple of months. I’m a technology retard. I need to buckle down and make some progress with freeing up space,,,
  5. Reaching Up "Depression Serves A Purpose" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen When you get depressed, you pull into yourself. You don’t want to be with people; you don't want to do things that normally give you pleasure. You experience a lack of energy and emotion. Ordinary daily activities become major chores. It's difficult to concentrate and focus your attention. It's as if your body and mind are shutting down for a while. But why? What purpose does it serve? Like a hunger, depression signals the need for emotional food. You get depressed because you have unmet emotional needs. Whatever you’ve been doing, it hasn't satisfied those needs. Your depressive withdrawal from the outside world is your mind’s way of getting you to look inward. Mentally, it places a mirror in front of you and asks you to examine yourself. What do you really need and what will it take to get there? So you can see that if you're willing to make a few changes, your depression is actually very treatable. Dr. Jim Rosen is a PhD Clinical Psychologist. He is an experienced psychotherapist, hypnotherapist, and couples counselor. He offers treatment for anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, assertiveness training, anger control, stress management, and overcoming the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional trauma. Dr. Rosen works with his patients primarily over the phone. When needed, face-to-face therapy sessions can be scheduled in his home in Magnet Cove, Arkansas. Because he does not accept insurance, his fee is only $60 for a full 50-minute hour of treatment. He can be reached anytime by email at drjrosen@ipa.netor by phone or text at 501-623-2050.
  6. @Space Lizard You have a valid point that in my own words would be how this western individualism has snowballed into the piggish materialism and shallow mindedness that it has. Valid point also about McKenna and his 2012 Time wave zero theory. Seems that one didn’t pan out though. Further down the road I doubt that hindsight will change much about 2012. ,,,? As you probably know he died around 2000. He’s a great orator who definitely thought outside of the box. Maybe he does gets a little windy at times and stretches the truth. Having close peers like Ralph Abraham and Rupert Sheldrake among many others should add some to his credibility. For many, he’s fun to listen too. His nasally voice probably annoys just as many though.
  7. @Bojan V You are very right about that. Thank you for bringing this post back to the top. Feel free to elaborate if you feel inspired to. I just checked the link I left above. It’s still good if any readers are curious about ACIM.
  8. You self righteous Idiot. Don’t write about certain things. But you do. That’s just why you are a shmuck and a shmoo and a Shmoe and also a great big Ho. You become divided against yourself when you think too much. Unplug your mind which radiates cold shards of broken glass which boomerangs and cuts your ass. Plug into your heart and not your mind and then you will most certainly find the answers that you need are emanating from right there which will make you a real Care-bear. That’s not just right but it’s not wrong and so I’ll leave you with this song. If you want you can sing along.
  9. This song is about reincarnation which involves resolving the disparities in one’s inner world. What non-duality is cannot be taught. It has to be realized through understanding. Embarrassment has the same level of reality as ego. It’s not real but it will bite you repeatedly. That’s just the way it is. Not ever having lived your life wholeheartedly is a tragedy comparable to being a slave to the ‘should’s’ and ‘ought-to’s hurled at one by the super-ego and the cultural ego. The recipe is to not give a shit about what other people think of you. If you care about what they think you’re just an inauthentic Care-bear. It’s difficult sometimes to be an authentic Care-bear. To die seven times and pass through the upper four Hell realms in one lifetime takes the will of an Authentic Care-bear. Authentic Care-bears and Grizzly Care-bears are seemingly paradoxical characters. Human beings who use narcotics can easily become careless Care-bears who experience unexpected repercussions. Sometimes these situations can only be undone by Authentic Care-bears or Grizzly Care-bears or maybe even an Eternal Cosmic Grizzly Care-bear. Believe me when I say you don’t want one of these Beings to be riding your ass but you’ll be eternally grateful if they come to your rescue. Live free and wild while you’re in this wilderness of life. Don’t show concern just because other people are watching. Expecting Unconditional Love from others or using it as a standard for oneself to live up to is unrealistic. Love is a state of consciousness. It becomes a station only for a rare few at the station of Authentic (genuine) Care-bear or higher.
  10. Reaching Up "Starve Them Out" by Dr. Jim Rosen ©2022 Dr. Jim Rosen Don't feed those negative emotions. Emotions are like living, breathing creatures. When you act out negative emotions, and you do or say what those feelings seem to "compel" you to do, you are actually feeding them. They grow bigger with each feeding, and you give them the power to dominate you. So if you're feeling insecure-hurt-angry, and you do or say what you feel the urge to do at that moment, then your insecure-hurt-angry feelings grow in stature, and you're more likely to suffer the same feelings next time. But if you starve them out, if you don't act on those compelling urges, the negatives shrink a little more each time. The choice is to make yourself act out your positive emotions - no matter how small they seem in comparison. For instance, by behaving securely or warmly or tenderly, these positive feelings are the ones that grow bigger and stronger. Slowly and steadily, with much practice, they become the dominant emotions, and you get to enjoy more peace of mind.
  11. “Well it’s alright,,, Remember it’s best to live and let live The best you can do is forgive “