Eph75

@Tyler Robinson I do get that. I've been in a similar place that I make up you are at. Similar, not same. I do get triggered, it's human nature. And yes, I do something differently today when I do get triggered, that I wasn't able to do say 6 years ago. I get triggered less and less often as a result. Different environments, people, situations play in. I also do see how you make a Nahm connection, and how me assuring you this has nothing to do with bypassimg and instead getting straight into and with the pain rather than building structures that removes the need to deal with what shows up. I too feel that disconnect and I acknowledge my lack of ability to offer what you need. In that sense, I'm only offering a perspective, do what you will with that. ❤️ And I do wish you the best.

@Tyler Robinson There's always more to things than we make up there is. @Gesundheit2 has a point, as do you. @Gesundheit2 has things to work on about how he is being/shows up to the world, as do you, as do I. So that we can grow increasingly and healthily impactful in that world. There's something here that isn't seen, by you (same goes for everyone) and seeing that which we can't see now, is one of the keys that can lead to shifting your mind - ultimately redefining YOUR world in which we exist. You may very well be right in what you write, but if that's a distraction away from the very thing that needs to shift within you, and it's only that, a distraction, and even if this one thing would change, the way your mind produces thoughts remains the same, and problems with the world is seen the same way, only elsewhere. This is always an amalgamation of your showing up in to, and your interpretation of the world - and how that clashes with the showing up of others. That is, no one is at absolute right at all times, there are perspectives, and all perspectives are flawed in some way. Unreasonable could be that this is something that you can sort out within yourself, and what is actually unfolding now cements they way you are in you inner world. "Bad things out there" can't be fixed, and if one adjusts itself, there is an infinite new "bad things" that will case upsets. It's those very shifts in our mind happen, they alleviated the mental pain and suffering that is interpreted into the reality that we make up for ourselves. Consider that reality might not be as real as you think, feel and know it is. That it's being made up within your mind, as we speak. And consider how truly "letting go of" something can change how that world appears to you. From being against you, to, simply being there and not necessarily warranting an interpretation at all. Perceived assholes simply become people expressing the thoughts that show up to then as best they can, based on their own interpretation of the world. Consider that their showing up and actions have NOTHING to do with you. Nothing... The only thing you have is your interpretation - and it is flawed, incorrect and down-right wrong - just as everyone else's is. Consider journaling about that - the meta of what is happening, detached from the content of the story taking place, which in this case is limited to a forum, a lack of features, and a desire to restrict of change some people from being able to do wrong. Beyond that story lies possibilities.

@Tyler Robinson Just read your two reply before mine and after, we're a bit out of posting sync There's something very comforting in what you write. The problem with controlling what is causing the "upset" still remains.

@Tyler Robinson I fully see what you want, desire and need. And forgive me for changing the direction back to control. These are things you cannot control. Of course you have a slim chance on influencing by sharing feedback about such functionality, but you cannot control it. I'm sorry for the pain you experience. These thoughts are patterned "Tyler Robinson" thoughts, they are not per se your thoughts, they are thought that show up to you. When an upset happens around something we automatically go to where our patterned thought take us. This is typically to fix something "out there". This showing up as something you need, and it being in the realm where you can only influence at best - but likely not even influence is possible as it would likely require rewriting the forum software that is not even in the control of admin/mods. Sharing thoughts and ideas is of course great, ad it might influence at some level. But if there's an attachment to the desired outcomes, we generate a new, different kind of upset in that very process. What you can control is where and how you journal, and how you expose that journaling so that it becomes impactful to you. Paradoxically, the best journaling is that which others can interact with and where we feel safe to accept constructive feedback offered. And paradoxically, this place should be about creating an environment that supports people in their development - but reality is that it is not deliberately constructed for that purpose. Unfortunately this environment is not capable of being that kind of support system. Also, this typical "fixing" reaction that we have as human beings, is very much externally focused, looking for external world to adapt to our internal world or in that way, our capacity to interpret and create what we see the external world as. Unreasonable is happening in the internal world, where perspectives, beliefs, and attitudes actually can change, those we in that sense do control, with the result that the external world shows up differently to us, to the degree that we and it become something new that didn't exist prior to such a shift of our internal world. Unreasonable is in the internal world. *This* is just a distraction that doesn't get to what really matters deeply.

@Tyler Robinson I'm thinking human curiosity means people would click such a link and it maybe making a subtle difference making that blogging more meaningful. That is, were it to be discoverable, i.e. In your signature. Stay with the thought of being unreasonable, that's where shifts in our thinking resides. The first unreasonable action is to not dismiss the the idea of being unreasonable. The second is accepting simply that being unreasonable can be to disengage with the desire to take action, which is the desire to fix something, and just staying with the upset, feeling into it in a way that is unreasonable to whta you would normally do.

@Tyler Robinson What I make up is that there is a desire to control what cannot be controlled; journaling here and not wanting anyone to comment. If that is an upset, you can declare a breakdown for yourself, meaning that you stop and look at how you would typically respond and consider what being unreasonable with the autonomous thoughts showing up would look like, and what an unreasonable action would be. Requiring the forum or forum members to change is what's reasonable to you - you need to be unreasonable with yourself to come up with something that will help you on a deeper level. I understand your desire to make journaling public and thus more impactful and less into a void. Would starting a blog and journaling there, where you can control/not allow commenting, and linking it from you signature help you with this? Or do you feel that the public connection is still too abstract?

@Julian gabriel Inquire into you background stories and defining moments happening in the past. If what you describe is your compensatory skill, there's a counterpart that defines your fears that those compensatory skills effectively navigates you away from; from the fear of appearing say inferior, you will adopt a stance that shows up as eg. superior in your mind. Those thought are no coincidence. What you describe needs to be defined by you, and your influencing story needs to be discovered by you, and finally that fear is yours to embrace. Typically there are moments, and typically those moments are in our childhood, and often relates to our upbringing/parents, that are such defining moments where we essentially decide about these kind of compensatory strategies to avoid the pain of experiencing the fear. Paradoxically that compensatory strategy is driven by the fear and that fear becomes very dominant in who we are. The compensatory strategy and the fear are not thoughts we choose, they are who we are. What might that be, the fear that creates this compensatory need? Notice that it can be the reverse, a fear of showing up superior and you having compensatory skills that actually show up as being gentle, kind or even inferior - to avoid the fear and shame of seeming smarter than others. The dynamic is important, there still would be a story about who you are, "I am inferior", "I am superior", or something completely different. How has this influenced you life? - the fear in terms of limiting your thoughts and being, and perhaps the compensatory skill in terms of drive, even positive accomplishments but equally so destructive outcomes such as conflicts etc. By getting very clear about these (the fear and the compensatory skill) - and we all have one predominant background story, and likely more than one that defines us, but the predominant one likely influences us the most and in a multi-layered fashion - we can choose to embrace the possibilities that show up along with self-awareness in that process. Keep in mind that whatever you come up with is just a story that you make up that is influenced by all the biases that you have. It's not real, the story is not you, it might be relevant to your past, but it's important that the story (and fear, and compensatory skill) isn't having you, but you having it. Only when you relate differently to that underlying background story does the freedom to embrace your possibilities become real. In that sense it's more about the clarity of the story than who you think you need to be, as those thoughts are strongly influenced by your background story. Only when you are very clear about the background story you can choose to be unreasonable with yourself, and the thoughts that show up to you, thoughts that aren't in that sense yours.

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@musicandmath111 Success being a product of your sense-making, there's no ultimate definition of success, and it's likely to be reductionistic in nature, to a point that reduction no longer matters to you, and the balance, or harmony, between showing up in the world of form, and not being defined by it happens. It's where spirituality and worldly calling fuses into one. Being and doing in harmony, and a detachment from outcomes where the doing is experienced as being free, and the rewards of doing is the being itself in the moment of whatever doing allows for that harmony. The means to reach success is thus independent of external factors as it calls for an internal shift. And, when that internal shift has happened, what was previously perceived as external resistence towards a desired outcome, no longer is experiences as an obstacle but instead as an intrically interweaved component of what is, where doing shows up. Success in that sense becomes not the addition of, or the craving of, bound to the external worlds, but the subtraction of the very [internal] noise that prevents harmony from happening. The doing before and after could be the same. Yet the experienced freedom when the means no longer are dictated by desires coming from deficiencies, likely results in flexing and flowing away from anything that is static or is forced into creation. Here, three components show up: The territory, where the doing shows up - the direction, what that doing is entailing - and the influence, our being, and how we manifest ourselves into the doing. Success being the harmony of these components. Who? Does not matter, as there's only me in this.

Didn't read. But.. Oh,no, do whatever "it" is... now. Don't use new years or the abstract idea of an new years resolution as an excuse not to take action, or to delay action. Don't procrastinate. The time to act is now, and after that, seize every following "now"/moment that follows.

Ah yes. But this requires dedication to that cause and practicing it in every moment of every interaction. Changing how we think will not just happen. E.g. make an explicit commitment to introspect in every interaction and event from today until New Year about observing your emotions, read up on affection theory and emotions, books and articles, journal your emotions daily, and use tools like the emotions wheel to articulate what the nuances of exoerienced emotions are. Not lead, keep asking yourself if you are your emotions and your thoughts, or whether you choose to let them go (not surpress). Let the practice completely absorb you, day and night. See what happens.

Well yes, but I mean in it a very literal obtainable sense - not in a "I am God and trancendant one with all". It's impossible to separate development and spirituality, as they're both cognitive/perspective/consciousness evolution but you end up with two different "flavors". Pursuing enlightenment is a false pursuit that can't be obtained from the desire of pursuit - but - cognitive development allows for a structured approach towards increasing complexity. There just needs to be intention and relentless pursuit. There's an emotional trigger here, there's impuls control to be developed where there's a choice to ride along with the emotional content, and being able to detach from going with the motion of the e-motion. There's perspective development that puts what happened into new light. And there's development of cognitive complexity that completely changes the meaning of that event. These are the growing up from human infancy (which might be a triggering expression) into human adulthood - waking up out of the game we're finding ourselves immerced in to a degree that we don't know we're playing games. That situation is happening in the game and you are being so attached to the character in that situation, identifying with "him" so that whatever takes place is happening to "you". Why it hurts is because it's made personal. It's made personal partly because of the personal attachment to emotions. Development is a big topic, but emotional development isn't that hard to take on. It of course depends on surrendering into that developmental process, which means that you have to be ready for it. Sorry, this got bigger than intended, and difficult to grasp from one post.

@gettoefl Imagine there being more perspectives and experiences than these of yours Just a so small thing as the definition of "party" and who might the party-goers be. Also cognitive shifts *can* happen in the mids of and as a result of such conversations, so there can be and often is transformative in nature, albeit the smallest of shifts. Of course if your falling-down-drunk doing this it's not likely to be much else than passing of time - which still, IMO isn't any worse than whatever nonsense otherwise "happens at parties". The dynamic with other still makes all the difference. E.g. no dynamic, only you engaging in verbal diarrhea and the other just nodding and wishing you go away is just ego flexing.

@integral I feel the same, but I would never push or trap anyone in a conversation of depth unless they want to stay in it. So, maybe just be in tune with their signals and if they were to subtly signal that you're trapping them. I tend to be able to dig in depth into a topic for hours and hours at end and be re-energized in that process, but others are not. Most want to shallowly surf away on the surface of things. Yet, people tend to be kind, stay and listen, and if you ramble on or keep asking into something they're not inherently interested to stay with, without giving them the chance to opt out, you're just being self-centric. Anyways, I do find that some people keep coming back, looking for more. If the dynamics are right.. It's right. Also I tend to stay away from parties and noisy environment for that reason.

This maybe does not make any sense from where you are coming, but if that's as humiliating as it gets for a man, what's called for is to become "more than a man", meant in a very much so obtainable way. Without there being that, where this wouldn't have mattered, the only thing you can do is to shake it off and move on. And, maybe, if you're ready, work on how to transcend the definition of "man" where this is made into a problem, allowing for this to be just another piece of information fading away into the void. Meanwhile, remember, this is not about you. Imagine what kind of suffering this involves for the person coming up with this, what to me seems like passive-aggressive behavior, and the suffering that person is enduring around you manifesting in their mind. Must be horrible for them. And isn't it interesting that you hold a certain importance to them for them to make space in their thoughts, wasting their energy away while dearly holding on to you in their mind. That's magnificent.