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  1. @Ingit It's a good way to make sure that you will lose her - a self-fulfilling prophecy. Encourage her to password protect her phone or change the password so that you can't get in. Also change password on anything else, if you have access to it, computer account, surf history, email and so on. It's not yours to interfere with. It's not about not caring what she does, it's about caring enough to not control. You can't control her. You can physically restrain her, keep her a prisoner or hostage, but you can't control her love, you have to earn it. If you don't have it, then put in the work to earn it, and if you've earned it, and still have it, strengthen it by adding trust into the relationship, choose to trust her, and make sure you earn her trust. Maybe add therapy into the mix and explore your insecurities?
  2. @kag101 I was about to say, "what does psychology tell you about this" ? And it really comes down to this question. It's a wondeful example [and opportunity] ; the circumstances brought about by a psychology education, folding in on itself, and feeding back into the psychological experience of a psychology education. It's about an edge behavior and a developmental challenge, that will help you to grow. It's true that we are different and some are more and some are less extrovert, but reality is much more complex than that, and the resistance we feel against those developmental challenges is often used to justify, as respecting introversion, not challenging ourselves. (I've been there myself) Albeit, you may be introverted, challenging yourself might turn out proving, to yourself, that whatever the resistence you have, are not all about introversion as a personality but a composition of different factors. Challenging these factors help reduce the weight introversion has on your being. So there's essentially two things going on here simultaneously. There's the education and properly engaging with the education to maximize your learning and knowledge. Not being there might impair that learning experience. Then, there's the personal developmental challenges that are involved and introduced by going through the education, for examples such situations where you are required to socialize [etc], or otherwise do what is outside of your familiar way of being, that which is outside of your comfort zone. This is what helps us grow developmentally, so avoiding it is holding our development back. It's not about being a yes-sayer and agreeing to everything that you don't want to do. It's rather about developing self-awareness that allows us to see, what we truly don't want to do/interested in doing, and that which we have resistances that pulls us away from challenges that we need, in order to grow into a more holistically healthy individual. With pandemic and home schooling, home work, greater isolation in general, and so on, has changed how we socialize, and in many cases how we avoid socializing, making our comfort zones increasingly shrinking. This is, and will be causing a various problems, that will hold us back, and impair our development and well-being over time. It's truly a great social experiment. In a sense this is about learning to see what we're avoiding, and learning to see the difference between what we should not do, and where there is a resistance to a growth experience. I'm not sure we can learn this without letting go, and accepting more situations that are uncomfortable, and in that process, build up the capability to discern between where we're actually selling ourselves, and where we're selling our growth. My own past path involved becoming yes-man, accepting everything that showed up, which did get me into many situation where I really didn't want to be, and shouldn't have been, but it also put me into the situations that propelled my development forward. That growth did also help me learn when I needed to say yes, and when I needed to say no. This is something that sounds very trivial, but believe me, it's not. We typically say yes when it relates to something we're comfortable with, and we say no when there's a sense of discomfort. The learning here is to learn when that discomfort is related to a growth opportunity, and to charge that resistance, and stretch into that which causes the discomfort. So this turns into a meta phenomena ; your education is not just about your education, it's also about your developmental which is overarching everything you do, in every moment, where e.g. educations throws situations and circumstances in your face, where you get an opportunity to grow. Avoiding these opportunities, there's a future price to pay, often involving suffering of some sort. Hope this makes sense.
  3. @Panteranegra It's human, and it can be changed, by focusing on self love. Understanding and frequently repeating mantras e.g. below is helpful, and relevant: "I'm sorry, please forgive me, I thank you and I love you." It's about accepting what we think/feel/do, and who we are and who we've been, including those moments of cringe as you mentioned. Your past is the investment into your current self. Without it you would not be you. And whta happens in near time is the investment into a future self. The mantra helps with being grateful for those moments that challenges our ability to self love, and the awareness of them, accept that you've done them, be thankful toward yourself that they have helped you in ways, into awareness and insight, and ask yourself for forgiveness for whatever they might have meant, for yourself and others, but also for the humanity of experiencing the feelings related that make it show up as cringe in this moment. There's a letting go here, of the past, to be able to focus on the present. Further explore self love, and introspect into your experience of "cringe" [and related feelings] to learn where/what you need to forgive yourself about, so that you can truly learn to let it go. It's not about forgetting, it's about accepting, and letting go of the fixations we create in our minds. There was a thread on Hoʻoponopono some weeks ago, might be interesting to look it up.
  4. Well, yes. Human psychology also tells us that we resist that which is pushed onto us. We want to feel that we have control, that we have choice. Pushing agenda onto someone else tends to reinforce the behaviors that was deemed unwanted by the other. Self-exploration though, can bring increased awareness and help create a shift in ourselves that means we [may] want to change ourselves, that is, we choose change based on what we come up with. Or, it may bring focus onto something else that we do lack, that is important to us, so that we can try and integrate that into the relationship.
  5. @Adam M Turn this around and explore within yourself. What is it with porn that is so important to you? What does it give you that you don't have, or lack? Do you have an addiction? What with it is it that you don't want to give up?
  6. This has been reduced to... "My developmental dick is bigger then yours" ..and.. "Your spiritual dick is shorter than mine". The problem with agreeing on a definition of an emerging state is that you can't define it without developmental evolution having shown the territory, enough, for it to be attempted to be mapped. Using self as the only valid data point just won't work. We're all right from our own current perspective, and we have direct experience to prove it as we know our developmental trajectory, and hold it as proof. That doesn't necessarily invalidate or make our experience wrong, depending from where it's being viewed. Imagine being a the forefront of development but operating through different means of sense-making and self expression, the emerging model wouldn't be the differences but the similarities. Whatever you argue being the truth is not likely to be the truth, but contain true aspects, where "arguing" becomes pointless. Argumentation is looking for a winner. You can't "win" development, as being a single definable definition or distinction of growth or manifestation of being. There is room for multiple manifestations and individual flavors that tend to move in "some" direction, that becomes mappable. In fact, you could be saying the same thing, and I read (am following this) that you do talk about similar things in different ways, through different lenses, putting too much emphasis on the chosen words, making the facets [righly so] impossible to agree around, as one being the ultimately correct one, but these are facets of that emerging development. These are just models, they're not truth, and they're no more than lenses viewing the same thing, in different ways. They don't even depict something absolute, but variations that more or less fit into categories that become more of limiters than supporters towards further development when held on to in a too dogmatic way. Development happens prior to models, models can show up as a result, but you can only speculate what the future looks like, until it's there. If you think you're "it", well kudos for having an understanding of your next evolution of self manifestation, but I wouldnt hold it as truth, as that is pulling the handbreak on your own emerging self. In terms of development as seen through either model, and bringing in the aspect of enlightenment, to me they are detached and enlightenment can happen at any point on the developmental journey, while moving into second tier becomes the catalyzer that inevitably moves us in an enlightening direction as part of a fusion of states, and a more developed holistic self as a result. Maybe that integration, indeed is Turquoise. It certainly seems to be the case based on my own developmental trajectory, but it doesn't say much about anything. Ultimately, I know nothing, and maybe that's the path, the trancendance of models. Not saying that it can't be mappable, but mapping something that is dissolving becomes redundant to the being aspects of progressing developmentally. It's rather a holding on, that once again, becomes the limiter, not the catalyzer. Again, seems to be supported by my own trajectory. The complexity doesn't go away, it's there to forever stay, but it's showing up as a new kind of simplicity, opening uo for something completely different. Sometimes we have to let go to move on. Yellow is still holding on, just adding a depth of understanding that previously wasn't possible. In that sense, yellow is setting the stage for the mind to be able to make a transition into the next unknown, just like each other stage has done. Looking at this from an ego development perspective and considering shadows, these could be shadows from the expert and achiever states, who wants to know, prove, and win the understanding of, rather than transcending the need to know, prove, and win. Then again, it might all be gibberish.
  7. I'm a Swede, working for a US company, interacting with Americans (software engineers/managers) , and I have to say, when geograpyh comes up... I suppose it's a product of the belief of being the center of the universe. Anything else being irrelevant - somewhere "out there". Example, conversation between me, an NZ and a US manager. US manager not knowing where NZ was, reverting to "oh well Americans suck as geography ha-ha". I'm pretty sure the US manager also thought I was in Switzerland. For some reason Americans struggle with differentiating between Sweden and Switzerland. Same shit, just some state somewhere in the country of Europe. Not too many examples though, so no particular statistical grounds to my claims Confirmation bias at play; I wouldn't have paid attention to all the times Americans were on point with their geography.
  8. Mysticism lives within the gap, inbetween two perceptions, where one is impossible to exist within the others' understanding. What's apparent to you, is mystic to a prior understanding. What's mystic to you, may or may not be real from a more developed mind. It's literally impossible to say what's not possible. From the perception of experience and understanding, "this" is reality. Although, the concept of reality is really fluent at this point, and there's more than just "one reality", or from a meta perspective, a reality that encompasses multiple realities, or just one encompassing whole that is interpreted as whatever "reality" ones sense making is able to create. Ultimately all co-existing at once, and they're all equally true, just fractions of the same.
  9. @Ben_P The pairing up on books tip as @JTisyouisme mentions I think is a good one. I've done it myself, started off with "Attached" by Amir Levine to help my wife to see her avoidant behavior. She would never have read book though, so I set up to listen to the audiobook when we were doing a trip by car to a neighboring city. We didn't make it through the entire book, and I thought she would ask me to switch to some music or something else, but she sat quiet for a long while, and then she started to identify with what was being said, analyzer herself, and speculate why she does what she does, without me poking or pushing her. That trip was reconnecting for us, creating depth. We've also listened a bit to 5 Languages of Love around that time, but didn't make it through, as it was only on the car she would "surrender" to consuming. I had read these before this, and found them good, so I wanted to bring her into it, and have something common to share and stand on, that could be referenced back to, to create deeper understanding and to reflect upon. My life is an example where relationship work is single-sided. If I relax or have other struggles going on, the relationship deteriorates, and we drift apart. It used to be frustrated about this "drifting apart", which essentially was her emotionally, moving further away from me. But having the "Attached" experience with her made me get a deeper understanding and acceptance for the phenomena, not theoretical but actual, and an understanding for her not being able to control it. And maybe most of all, an understanding that it does not have anything to do with me, which it always used to show up as, me being wrong, having done something wrong, etc, but when talked about, there was no substance behind it. It was a building need for her to pull away that was acting up, efficiently creating conflict that pushed me away. This understanding changed a lot for me, in many ways, much to complex and deep to go into here. And, it forever changed the dynamics in the relationship. Of course, not saying that there are attachments playing up in your relationshio as well, this is me and my wife, but it could be the case. The greater point is the power of the joint venture, co-listening to books and talking, exploring, with curiosity for one and another, in the process.
  10. IMO, and without really knowing what Ken really stands for in this matter, I interpret this as, especially, a generation that has been pulled up into green in a manner too fast to have integrated other stages to be able to produce a healthy green manifestation, and from which, they are preventing themselves from developing further towards making the second tier leap as that requires a more balanced development. Fed by the entitlement and narcissism of the generation, not just those green. I'm not seeing this as a problem, as Ken seems (?) to do. I see this as a natural unfolding where one group sunconsciously facilitate the development of a lesser so group. It's the feature of the system, not a glitch, no matter how disliked, problematic, or frustrating it might become, and regardless of the negative side-effects it will have. The post-modern problematics forces a different group of people to come up with new ways of thinking to navigate around this problematic, paradigm locked green. Considering a hopscotch nature of development where some stand firmer in the collectivist stages and others in the individualistic stages, this resistence might very well be the catalyzer individuals standing firmer in the individualistic orange value base to develop into a less stereotypical and more integrated green, possibly transcending into second tier quicker, as a result, than those paradigm locked into green. We're already seeing a pre-green reaction, and what could be the birth of a green value base that does integrate previous stages in a more complete way than what these narcissitic boomers current would stand for. It's simply the pressure build-up that inevitably catalyzes development. The increasing complexity of the world, which is exponential, could be said is creating circumstances that make that second tier transition more difficult [e.g. polarization made possible by social media] , but I'd rather define that increasing complexity the very base for which the required development is currently being catalyzed.
  11. @Ben_P Having kids fixes nothing. Although, kids do distract from being a couple, filling time with reactivity around others instead of focus on being a couple, and when the kids start living their own lives, and ultimately fly the coup, you're likely not to have much if a connection left, if there wasn't one before having kids. That is, if the relationship doesn't break by the stress, challenges and conflicts adding kids into the mix brings. A relationship takes active work, mutual work. You can maintain a relationship by yourself (single-sided), but your efforts won't last, or your individuality is likely to be lost in the process, or grow resentment while doing so. One of the problems with active work in a relationship, is that you're likely to become aware of this once it's "too late", and a certain amount of bagage or shadow had been accumulated, which need to be dealt with, on top of the active efforts towards building qualities that support relationship building. Polarization has already happened, you have grown apart, instead of closer to eachother, and there's likely to be some sense of prestige around not being the one to surrender one's stand, that prevent collaboration. Essentially, both need to surrender from all prestige, into investing in the relationship for it to become a healthy one. There's another angle to this though, that the polarization might be warranted, as a result of growing apart based on incompatibility. So blindly working hard to fix a relationship for the sake of the social expectations of not failing a relationship, or fears related to this, isn't a good enough reason to invest. You might be able to fix that which is breaking, or broken, but you can't fix what never was. There are some honest, difficult questions to ask ourselves here. What are the main challenges you see, those that you have to overcome, and those that you see your partner needs to overcome, for you to imagine your relationship rekindling through deeper sense of connection?
  12. @Vido What does "getting this particular phone" , or purchasing "stuff in general" mean to you, so to speak, what do you out of it? What is the underlying need that creates the desire? It is rational, or is it irrational? Sometimes it's rationally sound to get a new phone, say the battery time is no longer keeping for the day, and keeping it charged is a hassle. Then getting a new phone is rationally sound. Other times it's not rational, for example that you have a need to have the latest and greatest, so that others can see and comment your purchase, gaining some kind of status, or you in some other way feel like a better and more worth human being by getting this phone. That particular phone starts to matter, the monetary and status value of the purchase. Or, maybe you've built an addiction to the dopamines and serotonins that you get from making purchases, during the hunt, ramping up towards buying, learning about models, and the short and passing rush after the purchase has been made, only to start craving for something new, where the addiction/process has become a problem. Quite likely a combination or both. Learning about the underlying needs and addressing those is the best approach, becoming aware of and in the process changing what purchases mean to us. Urges to buy comes in waves, breaking the information hoarding phase, reduces the purchase need. Adding a week of cool-down time (not feeding ourselves with more information about the purchase) before making any choice to make a puchase helps, as the desire is, often in the moment, and you get a kick out of acting on the impulse. If you have had a lot of purchase impulses, e.g. every other day you find a new magical thing that you just need to have, cooling down and looking back allows us to see that it indeed was impulsive, and getting this thing is no longer as strong. I have no need to buy stuff anymore, I used to, but the impulses still come, and I can easily manage them, by looking rationally at the thing. Much of my addiction was centered around buying material status to raise my self esteem, which of course was an illusion, and did not work, regardless of all the attention and comments my purchases elicited. After addressing this deeper issue, some material needs from the past are so blantently reminding me of my pursuit for acceptance, that today they help me to rationalize also around purchases of lesser monetary value. Do we own the things we buy, or do the things we buy own and control us? What really is the relationship here. Or, you just need a phone, and it's a one time thing, heck, buy the phone and make no fuss about it, it's a thing for surfing, messaging and maybe calling people with TLDR; Why we desire stuff matters, explore that, become aware, make connection, then purchase based on a healthy behaviors.
  13. @RMQualtrough I simply don't know. I could have a plausible theory, that makes sense to me, but I don't even have that. I'm spontaneuosly thinking very black and white telepathy, remote transfer or receiving of thoughts/feelings/images/information. The link to intuition comes to mind as it's a different way of being informed of information, than using words. In the dream, with the understanding of it being a dream state, the concept of telepathy is redundant, as the deeper understanding of the dream being created in our mind, by our mind, as one. The concept of speech is redundant as we inherently know, that the information could just appear without any means of communicating, as the characters in the dream are already one. So, am I moving in the right direction here, that you are making a projection, from that dream experience example, to our experienced "reality" (equally an illusion/dream) where consciousness itself makes telepathy redundant? Telepathy then simply shows up as a brief moment, a glitch, when two lenses for a moment align out of their isolated experiences, into becoming informed through the underlying consciousness/source? Not sending information per se, but actually sharing/experiencing the same moment. I'll end the same as I started; I know nothing.
  14. @Heart of Space Thanks for calling me out. After @Swarnims reply I did realize that I missed the mark by leaning too much into the quoted part above, which my post really solely addresses as something that becomes increasingly possible/available as we develop. Nowhere did I lean into the aspect of true telepathy as pointed out by @Swarnim I am a sceptic, generally, but open to being proven incorrect, and proving myself incorrect. I am absolutely certain (through first hand experience) that we hold capabilites that are unknown and not yet proven, small ones and great ones, and who is to say what's absolutely possible and what is not. And I welcome change, and finding out. *Delusion* is an interpretation that live within the very interpretation, which holds a lot of assumptions in itself. Of course there are assumptions at play, that's what we do to be able to make sense, and in a forum based conversation, the flow of curiosity and verifiying known assumptions through open questions just don't happen. I am not dismissing his experience, and I have no ultimate understanding of what his experience holds. The only thing I understand, is my own experiences of the seemingly same phenomena, and the deeper understanding of how I am being informed, and how this "informing" produces "knowings" or "premonitions", that could be perceived as reading of others' mind, or perceived as telepathy. It also blurs the boundaries of what forms intuition and what true telepathy is. Say, for a moment, that the strong development of intuition is the precursor to a deeper sense of telepathy, the they support each other. Telepathic abilities per se, I did not address, nor dismiss. I misses the mark on this, with the OP, leaning into the aspect I did, which I think still is a very relevant aspect, and very much in play in the OP example. I sense an either-or relationship to what's being written. I am more of an "and" kind of person where multiple perspective can, and do, come together in an alchemical process that ultimately can, and will, produce understanding that is greater than the original perspectives. It's simply one more side of a multi-faceted coin. ...and, true telepathy can very much be a real thing.
  15. @RMQualtrough As you say, behavior patterns allows us to predict others behaviors before they happen. The better we learn to know someone, the better we can predict them. An interesting side-note here is that some couples "think alike", where this absolutely plays in, but often one part of a couple subconsciously adopts/adapts aspects of the other person's way of thinking/being, as a social adaptation skill. This is by the way a great way to lose one's individuality, and it can be seen, a lot, in couples where one person is more dominating than the other. We can also learn to sense energy, and pick up on energies that we previously could not. In the sense that we can detect subtle nuances in behaviors, tonality, body language, eye movements, words chosen and so on, that we can become aware of things that others are lot aware of yet, or do not understand. I can only describe this as showing up as an energetic charge, calling to be tuned into, and explored in depth. This is also used as input into the pattern recognition that we do at all times. This energy-sensing goes way beyond tangible things as the ones listed above, and shows up as intuition, where we can sense things through emotional experiences, before we know/can think about them, and understand what they relate to. Our own kind of spider-senses. Developing our connection to intuition is one of the best ways to grow seemingly telepathic. The great with a developed intuition is that it functions with everyone around you, and you can get into some really interesting conversations fast, and you can benefit much from it as it helps building trust quickly. It also works in situations not involving people. What happens if you pair high sensitivity with low self-awareness? It certainly would show up more magical than it is. We need to beware of confirmation bias and of retrofitting causality between above and events happening. Without being aware of this happening, the effect can easily be that we are being alerted about future events, and not experiencing a perpetual interpretation process. The more you want it, the more we obsess, the more connections you will find, while ignoring all the cases where there was no link. I'm curious to come to learn what the next stage in this process is, what we are capable of, and what I'll come to learn and experience that can enhance this for me - "premonitions" and "telepathy" inside the "illusion".