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Thank you so much for sharing this ??? It’s very interesting to read your journey. And I wish you a great journey from here ? Admire you for not denying the process, and diving deep and riding yourself of past impurities that was kept since early childhood. ? LSD is very profound in its way to show Truth. In my experience with the substance. Its the mind and remembrance of The Universe. And of course the Above and Beyonds as well as the power for Transformation. But like you said, there is a trade off. And since it reveals what is True/Truth, its must filter out All The Untruths we have dealt with, lived with, thought ourselves to be, projected on to others, suffered at the hands of and so on… What remains is Truth. But in this work, we must be willing to let go of our tools, beliefs and past identities that simply wont align with The Inherent Truth. Truth is inherent and the background to Everything. From my experience. Its important to balance Consciousness with Love, because they are the same thing, two sides of the same coin. I would advise to explore your self-love more and complement this journey with. Its true that Truth can be harsh and cruel, but at the same time it can be very liberating. Try some mescaline (San Pedro) if you haven't, or some MDMA and love yourself deeply. So you can encourage yourself to keep going towards Truth ✨

@Leo Gura Also This NDE!!!!!!! I am telling you Leo These people who have had NDES really know what you are talking about. I came in this world very sensitive and aware and went through tons of suffering so I would try and question and reach for this love that I felt. This love that I had despite so much abuse. Ndes seemed to be my safe haven. Just before death, July 30, 1994: That morning I had driven about 400 miles with my secretary from San Francisco for a couple of meetings with some clients. For some reason, throughout that day I had been feeling somewhat uneasy, like this was a premonition of sorts. So, I had been in a quiet prayer mode the whole day. I had been invited by one of my clients, in the city of Glendora, for their 80-year-old mother’s birthday celebration. Afterwards, it was almost 11:30 p.m. by the time I was able to call it a day and leave for the hotel. I had thought that I would tell my secretary I was extremely tired and it would be better if she was the one to drive back to San Francisco after the birthday part. As destiny would have it, I was so tired I forgot to tell her while very mechanically getting into the driver's seat. Seatbelts were not mandatory in 1994. Without bothering to put on my seat belt, I started the car and began driving. After about 10 minutes on the road, car with two young boys was driving in the left lane. Suddenly, it swerved to the right, coming into my lane right in front of me, then stopping abruptly at the Stop sign that was just ahead. I had nowhere to go, so I slammed on the brakes; or so I thought! In my immediate shock and sleepy exhaustion, I had pressed down on the accelerator instead! The 560 SL is designed to go from 0 mph to 60 mph within seconds and that’s just what it did. I shot forward at full speed! CRAAAASH! In that moment of impact, I felt my whole body lift up, fly forward with great force, and hitting something. Next thing I knew, I was seeing this white stream of Light, travelling inside my body, which was also filled with a brilliant electric white Light! It looked like light travelling in light. As I looked at this moving light energy, I realized I was also experiencing it. This powerful, white energy which was moving from my solar plexus towards the top of my head. I was moving very fast. Yet, simultaneously, I appeared to be moving very slowly. Somehow, it seemed very natural for my movement to be slow and fast at the same time. Was I in perfect balance? There was no sense of duality. I knew that this light energy was my Prana, otherwise called life force. The Prana was moving upwards through my body, almost as if being pulled by some sort of magnetic power above my head. Just then, I experienced a sinking feeling, very much like one feels when beginning the plunge down a roller coaster. I felt myself go into a gentle convulsion with an upward movement. The next moment it was all gone. There was no light, no body, or anything. It was the strangest feeling, and yet so familiar. It was as though I had before experienced it many times. Without the body, I found myself floating alone in a dark void. I was totally confused as to where I was and what was really happening. All I could see was total darkness everywhere, but I wasn't afraid. At a distance, I saw a pale golden vehicle-like thing in the shape of a small boat. The boat was brilliant in its golden hue and it was coming towards me. The center hollow portion of this golden boat seemed to be filled with that same shimmering, brilliant white light I had seen inside my body. As it moved closer, I could see in the center on its ‘bed’ of white Light there was a very ethereal human body. The body was lying very still on its back, draped in a pale golden gown and glowing gloriously in the dark night. It was a magnificent sight to behold! As it came closer, my entire being went into shock when I saw the face of this body. It was me. 'Oh my God', I realized, 'I am dead.' I was completely jolted by this truth. I looked at myself for the first time and saw I had no body. I was just a spark of Light and was now linked to this sparkling boat. Almost immediately, the golden boat tilted upwards with the feet of the motionless body pointing upwards and head below it. The boat transported me faster than the speed of light, almost like a thunderbolt slicing through the dark night and disappearing into that void. Almost as if I had fully woken up after a long sleep, I found myself surrounded by an All-Pervasive Brilliance. There was no boat, no body structure, no dark void, nothing. There was only this dazzling, electrifying, brilliant white Light all around. The light was everywhere. There was nothing except this brilliant Consciousness! It seemed to have a consistency of the ever-finest, minutest electric-like sparkles and was energetically similar to the ‘bed of Light’ I had come on, except that this light was all-pervasive, limitless. It could perhaps be compared to the light of thousands of brilliant stars reflected in millions of sparkling diamonds, all-encompassing, self-luminous, and pulsating with electric energy: very delicate and smooth. I seemed to know that the light was the Supreme Infinite Light that is God, the Cosmic Consciousness. It is truly impossible to describe in mere mortal words, this Pure Love, this vital energy, this infinite Light, this Supreme Absolute Consciousness, This Presence, which is commonly referred to by most of humanity as God or the Creator: it can only be experienced! So please forgive my humble effort with limited vocabulary to try and share what I experienced. At this moment, I was literally standing on air and was an electric body of Light. I was in this dazzling white void, this Brilliant Nothingness, filled with comfort, delight, and a deep knowing that I had reached my destination. I seemed to know that this was the Ultimate White Effulgent Light. Experiencing myself as a shimmering sparkling white-light energy, pulsating with some kind of ethereal (ether-real!) electric life force, my Being was flooded with a gentle, very expansive Love energy. The energy was like a soft embrace from that all-encompassing Light Presence! This Light Presence of pure, unconditional Love seemed to be in me and around me. It was all-pervasive and extended into infinity. Strangely, there seemed to be no difference between this light and my Light-being. Even more bewildering, was that this Conscious Loving Presence, seemed to be the nature and substance of all of existence. In sheer delight, my Light-self was almost skipping in the air as a further wave of knowing passed through me. I whispered to myself, ‘This is the real me!’ In complete wonderment, with a sense of déjà vu and awe, I heard myself say, ‘I know this place, I know this place. I've been here before. I made it. I finally made it back!’ Drinking in the nectar of the Loving Presence which enfolded me, I saw with complete amazement a very interesting transference starting to happen. There was a string of atoms starting to flow out from within the left side of my electric body and they disappeared upwards into nowhere. Almost as if from thin air, a much finer frequency of atoms seemed to be appear and were entering through my right side into this same electric light body. I was watching and experiencing at the same time, again with no sense of duality. My entire Being was being totally emptied, refueled, and re-programmed with this ethereal, orderly, interchange of atoms. I saw that the new entry was made of a vastly different energy and seemed to have a much more expansive and delicate DNA energy. It had a new wave of very lightweight, subtle cellular frequencies, as they spiraled in, expanding and changing the previous electric body formation. All of the above was happening very fast and yet it seemed to take an eternity. Enfolded in the comforting wrap of Pure Divine Love during this cellular exchange, it seemed as though I was gradually disappearing with the atoms leaving this electric Light body. Almost as if, another ‘me’ was birthing through the newer, finer atoms entering into this Light form. My whole being was cleansed and purified, making it ready for its next role in God’s divine drama. I wished to take a final look and say goodbye to the world I had just left behind. I looked over behind my non-existent shoulder, somehow expecting to see my world; but, to my complete shock, I saw that there was nothing there. My earthly world didn't seem to exist! There was no world, no universe, no galaxy, no earth, nothing! Nothing existed, except this soft Conscious Presence, this pulsating Brilliance, this pure Love that was everywhere as all pure white Light. ‘Oh my God, how could that be?!’ I exclaimed to myself. ‘Where has it gone? What about all I went through as Arti? It was all real! How could it have just disappeared?’ A gentle response seemed to come from the cosmic wisdom that was all around, ‘But how could it be Real, when it has just disappeared?’ There was so much knowledge that was shared with me that I can't share it all here. The response said, ‘What is real is only that which is permanent and changeless. That which changes, is within the mirage of time, and truly non-existent. Consciousness, however, as a gentle, delicate, smooth, flowing Presence is ever present; even within the human form, above and beyond the mind, as it is the Experience-less-ness underlying all experience. It never changes, never disappears, and it is therefore, the only Reality.’ I asked, ‘But if this Consciousness alone is real, the world was an illusion? Then where did it come from?’ It replied, ‘Like all manifestation, the world too is the creation of the great illusion or great delusion, which being the Creative aspect of this Supreme Consciousness, or the Lord, is the divine movie-projector of life, in the all-powerful play of the realm of Creation. Just as a mirage in the desert disappears when viewed from a certain perspective, your life as Arti on earth has disappeared, when viewed from the perspective of the Divine Self, where you are now. Only the eternal is real; and from the viewpoint of that Reality, all that is non-eternal, disappears. Yet of course, you, being eternal Atman (the soul) can still view the ‘world of illusion’ if you wish.’ I asked, ‘So my life as Arti never really existed at all, it was an illusion?’ It replied, ‘Oh, it existed; just as a dream exists, or a movie, or a mirage.’ I continued questioning, ‘So the world, was just a figment of my imagination? How did I create it? With my thoughts and desires?’ The reply echoed all around me, ‘Y-e-s-s-s-s!’ as it reverberated within my being. Y e s: I understood now. The world had all been only in my mind, a thought-and-senses created illusion/delusion. Without the senses, mind and body, there was now no ego to perceive the world illusion! It had all existed and happened only in my mind! Our true reality exists outside of the mind, which is where I was at the present moment. I realized the true vastness of my Being and the minuscule nature of the cage of the earthly body. The roles I had played through the many lifetime dramas with different bodies, flashed again into knowing. I smiled, seeing there was absolutely no attachment whatsoever to any of them! How could I, when it was just a play of mind? I had come to terms with the fact that once I, my ego consciousness, left the body, my mind-created world also disappeared. Universal laws seemed to unfold rapidly and poured into my entire electric-wave body. I realized that the real goal of the mind-created life game was to remove the veil of delusion and ignorance and reach the Ultimate Truth of one's reality in life itself. This Truth, this Self I was bathing in and which had encompassed my Being, was nothing but Love. The Truth was Love; pure, unconditional, Universal Love, that is almost non-achievable in human terms. It was the fabric of this Consciousness of which I was a part. Yes, because Love is God and God is Love. It was very clear that the cosmic composition was made up of nothing but Love! Love is the God-glue that is holding ‘All’ together. I realized I was not just inside the Love but rather, one with 'It', this Universal Body of Love, of God. This was completely natural to me, as flame is to fire because it is fire. This was Home and I wanted to be here forever. Immediately with the emergence of this thought-wish, the ego-wave that was Arti, seemed to gracefully meld into the Supreme Presence, dissolving into that Ocean of Love. Arti as the earthly Arti, was no more. An incredible wave of freedom splashed over my being, almost like coming out scrubbed fresh and clean after a long overdue bath. The cellular interchange of atoms with their spiraling exit and entry had stopped because re-programming of my electric light body was completed. I was birthing a new life later known as Mira S. I knew without a doubt that life on earth was just a playground of experience, an assignment from God, a mirror projection of the Divine. In each new lifetime, as the soul makes spiritual progress, its vibrational frequency gets tuned to a faster, higher and finer level depending upon its degree of evolution. The transformation continues until the frequency level is fine-tuned to such a degree that it connects with the frequency of the Cosmos itself, which then allows it to gain entry into Cosmic Consciousness, one’s true self, which is eternal bliss, otherwise known as ananda. In the Light Presence, everything and anything could be readily created or manifested. It was in the Nature of this Supreme Presence. Everyone and everything, anywhere, was right here where I was, present in the seemingly invisible NOW. One just had to think it, and it was available. The transformation-transmutation within my electric body being completed, the electric body too, was no more visible because there was complete Oneness. It was infinite to such a degree that I was no more, and yet I was that Consciousness. There was nothing else and No other. Oh dear God, That is all that exists, the only 'Being' that is! That Consciousness was all around, inside, outside, above, below. It was everywhere! The ALL! As one touched by the Philosopher’s stone, which is said to transform iron into gold, I had gone through a complete transformation and transmutation of the previous self into birthing a new higher self. I was bringing with it an immediate awakening into the ‘knowing’ of Universal Truths and the Reality of Supreme Self. This magnificent All-pervasive Effulgence was so glorious! It was true, there is only one Being, one God, and THAT is the true Self of all. All are just a reflection of God: All are That One. I, too, was That One. THAT is my Reality. I was brimming, overflowing with the supreme knowing that The Supreme Being is my own true Self, my true identity. It was here, now, and always. There is no past or future; it is all happening constantly in the now. Losing it all, dissolving, I was, ‘I AM THAT I AM’ (Aham Brahmasmi) I knew that I was and I AM all there was to know! Just like myself, all of creation wherever and however it existed; whether human, animal, mammal, plant, or nature, all were full in themselves. All were and are God, a beautiful glorious expression of that same Fullness. Creation was just Divinity experiencing itself through Its Creation!! I was bathing in Consciousness, as Consciousness. I was enjoying this bliss of Union with the Absolute, Divine Self, God, and Full with wholeness of Being. I wanted only to remain as this Cosmic Being forever. I never want to be separate again from this Oneness, this All-encompassing Love! This was my feeling, as a faint memory of the world of separateness wafted into my consciousness and anxiousness seemed to take over all of a sudden. I heard myself repeat twice, ‘Where do I go from here? Where do I go from here?’ By the formation of destiny, which is created by our actions and reactions, the newly transformed Being of myself now in existence, having received a downpour of higher Truths and realizing its Higher Self from having merged in Oneness with It. I knew that it had been brought within and as, the pure energy of That One, of pure white Light for a reason, so an element of wonderment was there at what might be coming next? Much to my dismay, however, the All-Pervasive KNOWING came through with a much different response than what I was expecting. Coming loud and clear, It reverberated through that infinite space of Consciousness, ‘You have to go back. You have to do the Work’ communicating that my real work on Earth was to begin now. I called out, ‘Please I don't want to go back! I'm very happy here!!’ But the Lord, Supreme Consciousness had spoken, and it had to be. Right then, I saw a long flexible kind of tunnel which almost looked like a huge hollow umbilical cord. I could actually see the outside and inside of it. Inside it I saw the form of an unborn human baby, with golden, light-colored skin, curled up like a fetus against the inner wall. 'So this is the Cosmic Womb Tunnel,' I thought. It seemed to be coming from infinity and spiraling downwards. But as I looked at it carefully, I exclaimed in alarm, ‘Oh no, not again!’ when I realized that I was that baby, speeding down headfirst, as the curled-up fetus in this cosmic tunnel-like womb, I was crossing the dimensional barriers. I thought, 'Oh God, oh no, I really was going back into Earth consciousness to be reborn!' Next thing I knew, I heard myself let out a cry. I had opened my human eyes. They were looking in the rear view mirror of a car at a mouth bleeding profusely with the whole lower face covered in blood. In a complete daze, feeling totally disoriented, I touched the face in the mirror and realized it was my mouth! I thought, 'Oh God, I have a human body again! I really am back.' The lower gum-bone had been broken and lay flat on my tongue. The four lower front teeth had come out of their gum sockets but were still held by their nerves as they sat on my tongue in the middle of the mouth. Upon touching my face, I could feel tiny particles of glass from the shattered windshield all over my upper face and even my eyelashes, but none, not one, had entered my eyes. Miraculously, despite this gruesome injury in my mouth, I was feeling no pain whatsoever. There was no physical feeling at all.

I don't normally feel a need to share, but I felt a deep calling to share this one with the community. I just released a video on my YouTube channel about my experiences meditating 2 hours per day for a year. If you're interested in hearing about what deep, consistent meditation practice looks like, check it out. If not, you still may find the below post useful. Below, I elaborate on some of recent feelings regarding the forum and this whole meditation vs. psychedelics debate, as well as share more in depth about my meditation journey. Lately, there seems to be a growing chasm in the Actualized.org community regarding psychedelics and then other spiritual practices such as meditation. In one camp, we have people raving about the power of psychedelics, how they provide higher levels of awakening, raise consciousness to higher degrees and how psychedelics more or less shit on other sober practices like meditation, being far superior for Spiritual Awakening or more recently "God Realization." In the other camp, you have people who are against this growing sentiment regarding psychedelics. I seem to have fallen into the latter camp. Initially, I was extremely pro-psychedelics, believing spiritual teachers who more or less dismissed them were full of shit. Let me be clear, I am still pro-psychedelics and still believe many spiritual teachers who dismiss them are full of shit. I have achieved enormous amounts of healing, enormous amounts of spiritual growth, have elevated my baseline levels of compassion and understanding using these tools to degrees that I cannot attribute to anything other than psychedelics. They've propelled my meditation practice into levels and depths that I do not see other meditators achieving, even serious practitioners with more experience. They've tested the limits of my sanity, broken my conceptual paradigms over and over, provided absurdly magical, mystical, and profound journeys into the fringes of consciousness… The journeying has been utterly beautiful and I still have every intention to continue their use for these purposes of exploration. At the very least, they're fun! And even after some heart wrenchingly dark trips, like borderline traumatizing trips that almost feel like they've left scars on the energy body/soul, all of my trips have been nectar for the True Self awakening to what it really is. However, after my first 9 day vipassana meditation retreat, there was a 180 degree paradigm shift. Originally, I was using meditation as a tool to propel my psychedelic journeying to deeper levels. I was successful; the harder I meditated, the deeper my trips became. Yet after that retreat, something very primordially deep shifted, almost like an internal earthquake, a transformation at the level of soul, at a level of self identity which transcends individual lifetimes and is instead the self activity driving reincarnation into subsequent and past lives (I don't know the validity of this necessarily, only that the experience points to something 'like' that). I spent 5 straight days in the most heightened states of consciousness I've ever experienced, essentially tripping balls while being completely sober. Every time I sat to formally practice, reality would just melt into and out of itself. My concentration had penetrated so deeply into the present moment, I was just watching infinite intelligence spontaneously emerge, moment by moment, while simultaneously being palpably conscious of the boundless, formless void of God as giving rise and fall to these microscopically transient fluctuations of formed experience. The space of consciousness would boundlessly expand into infinity as the formless jhanas, and contract into a singularity of non-existence… It is a challenge using words to describe just how profoundly powerful these meditative states really were. Since this retreat and after 2 other vipassana retreats within the span of the next 5 months, these types of mystical experiences have become regular. By the end of this first retreat, I realized psychedelics are tools for plunging more deeply into meditation first and foremost, not the other way around. While rigorous meditation will certainly facilitate deeper trips, meditation will also uproot the attachment to psychedelics as the means by which we awaken to God. Though I do respect the authority and individuality of everyone's path, from what I read on the forum, Leo and those who align with Leo's paradigm have vastly underestimated the potential for meditation and utterly misunderstood the true nature of God. It is very clear to me Leo understands the mechanics of God, his videos are evidence of this, but true understanding of God is the embodiment of God in all moments, not in the transient states of psychedelic trips nor the intellectual conceptualizations about reality after the fact. Furthermore, the paradigm that claims it understands God because of psychedelics and meditation is peanuts in comparison is a paradigm NOT based in direct experience. It is a paradigm based on reifications of self that happen when the ego structure reforms after a deep psychedelic trip. Without the appropriate attentional skills (mindfulness) sober meditation trains, this paradigm occurs at an unconscious level, at a belief level, at a level that is silently creating the context by which psychedelic experiences are conceptualized after the fact. Of course such an explicit criticism will most likely be met with opposition by the ego structure, an authority built behind "You don't know what you're talking about, I've achieved levels so far beyond all teachers, teaching or techniques. Your awakening is far less than mine! Etc. Etc." But please keep in mind, I have enormous experience with tripping. Not just tripping, tripping fucking balls. Please look at my past trip reports as evidence. This position I'm coming from is from the very principles Leo promotes - radical open-mindedness, experimentation, rigorous work ethic, balance, taking my own authority, existential curiosity for knowing what is really true. Now let's be clear - The True Nature of God God is none other than this moment, exactly as it is. This moment, exactly as it is appearing in all of its ignorance, entanglement, delusion, and suffering is an expression of divine perfection, as none other than the love of God. The capacity for God to awaken to itself is infinite. The context out of which experience expands out of, and contracts back into, moment by moment, is God. You as what you really are, is God. God is not an ego structure, but an ego structure is God. God is Mind. The human mind is not God, but arises out of God, as God. God is pure intelligence. God is pure imagination, manifest. God is pure formlessness, unmanifest. The True Nature of Love Love is that which holds space for all states of consciousness. When the mind stops pushing and pulling at experience through the contraction of craving and aversion, the surface level of the human mind slowly comes into union with God's Love. In Buddhism this is referred to as Equanimity. Equanimity is Love. As the activities of the human mind cultivate Equanimity, you are merging into the union with divine, Absolute Love. Notice, the Universe never fights with itself; the actuality of what is happening is the IS exactly as it is appearing as itself. As the Universe permits the actuality of what is, is radical permission of all form, as Love. A mind which radically permits all form, regardless of state, is a mind that embodies Absolute Love. This form of love is heart wrenching, heart cracking because it recognizes the necessity, role, and beauty of horror, delusion, suffering, atrocity. All states of consciousness are Loved, recognized in divine equilibrium. Absolute Love is not an emotion, perception, or transient form, but the context out of which all forms appear. The True Nature of Self You are the field from which all arises, passes, emerges, and vanishes. You are comprehensible through direct incomprehension. You are the expansion and contraction of all phenomena. You are the expansion and contraction as all phenomena. You are the context out of which all phenomena expand and contract. You are the witness that sees self activity act its drama. You are the witness, witnessing, and witnessed. You are the witness of the witness. You are the space from which time and space manifest themselves into and out of existence. You are the womb, the creator, the created, simultaneously. You are the grain of sand and the Sahara. You are the wave in the ocean and the ocean. You are paradox itself. You are the absolute unknown mystery, as well as the humility and arrogance that proports to understand. You are the nothing at all, the still point where all points of reality envelope, develop and exist as unmanifest potentiality. You are yourself, exactly where you are, as you are. You are always here; you are always now. You could never have been more or less you. If these types of insights and pointers are only deeply available through psychedelics, if you believe you cannot become palpably conscious of these insights and pointers through meditation, then your paradigm may very well be backwards. A psychedelic insight's true utility is to bring back the insight into lived, everyday, mundane experience. How can we effectively do that? Meditation. A LOT of meditation. There are two fundamental lessons we will learn from deep meditation practice. 1) Meditation can take us into states rivaling and surpassing the profundity of psychedelics, while doing so in a way which actually trains the mind to access these states without the need for psychedelics. 2) Right where we are, exactly as we are, is Absolute Truth. This is the beginning of the final awakening that 'what we are' truly seeks. The self activity keeps going, the dramas of life keep playing. The awakenings pull us ever deeply into the unimaginable depths of consciousness, yet on some level 'what we are' understands that what it is cannot exclude even the most unconscious of states. The appreciation I have for Actualized.org is ineffable. I found Leo at an inflection point in my life, a point where I was so lost. It was Leo's brash, borderline arrogant teaching style that cracked open my mind to start questioning itself. It was Leo's wit and philosophical intelligence that forced me to challenge my long held intellectual positions about the nature of self, mind, and consciousness. It was Leo's channel that invigorated my interest in psychedelics and facilitated a Hero's journey across the internal cosmos. It was Leo's channel that lead me to understand my own authority and limitation. It was Leo's channel that challenged me to become a true sage, mystic, and lover of Truth. It was Leo's channel that propelled me to take self-actualization and the cornerstone practice of meditation even more seriously. But it is precisely because of Leo that I write these words. It is precisely because I Leo that I so vehemently disagree with the direction this forum is heading. And in a sense, I'm writing into the collective here, urging, challenging and demanding that this community, an actual gem for humanity, not get pulled off track. And yet Actualized.org will do and become whatever it will. As a move and practice of detachment, and love, I won't be spending as nearly as much energy trying to pull back on the collective ego that is caught in the hamster wheel of samsara, constantly seeking the illusion of deeper, more grandiose awakenings. As long as you're meditating, you will awaken to infinite degrees of consciousness until you die; you don't need psychedelics to do it. And as you're awakening to the true nature of God, you will lose attachment to all of it. When you finally awaken, you will let yourself unfold in its own time, in its own sequence. When you finally awaken, you will recognizing the perfection of every step up the mountain, honoring the necessity of every grain of sand, blessing the flow of each drop in the ocean. Unity will emerge As infinity unfolds Life will be death And all states, surrendered All moments will be one A seeking which as was sought All delusions to be none Contractions of craving Finally, undone As children, we'll keep growing Expanding evermore But in the light of Truth, Does this moment truly soar In the Love of God Perfection's indiscriminate pour I am happy to answer any questions below. I wish all of you well on your path. Perhaps you may find value in my perspective, perhaps not. Thank you for your path, thank you for your dharma, in whatever form it takes on. With Love, You

@Leo Gura one more NDE: Does this not sound anything like what you describe experiencing? 1. Surfing incident 2. Caught in a trough under water in huge surf. 3. Panic knowing I am going to drown. 4. Realized I had to give up, could not hold breath any longer. 5. Sudden calmness and resignation; loss track of body. 6. Clear and graphic life review as if certain events were cataloged. 7. Visualized a large green blue circle with a feeling of depth but did not look like tunnel. 8. Suddenly found myself in a large hall with a stone bath being washed by humanoid aliens; very peaceful (this was certainly a subjective illusion). 9. Sudden transformation into a realm of timeless Absolute Beauty, Absolute Love and Absolute Infinity. The radiance was literally unbearable. 10. Absolute forgiveness, non-judgment, non-duality, timeless, no blame or retribution, no sin karma and no reincarnation. No God as there was no subject or object of attention I AM That. 11. Beyond science, religion, spirituality, new age phantasmagoria. This is the most real insight of my whole life and clearly remains with me after thirty years. In my hippy years experimented with drugs e.g. acid however nothing, but nothing, compares with this insight. Also came across a similar state during meditation. Somewhere in this process, I became conscious of the fact that I must return to the world and play out my allotted role. This really pissed me off. As I crawled up the beach, I really didn't want to be here and in many ways have just been waiting for this lot to finish. 12. Theoretical implications: a) Absolute Infinity is a fact; George Cantors set theory provides sound theoretical evidence of the mathematical context of infinity. (We do not create infinity it is literally thrust upon us and is therefore absolutely necessary.) Hugh Everett's many worlds interpretation of particle wave duality; Max Tegmark's theoretical application to infinite universes. See also John Barrow 'Pi in the Sky' and Rudy Rucker's 'Infinity and Mind'. Evolution is asymmetrical, that is the billion to one symmetry violation at the origins (matter/antimatter) of the universe supervenes through complexification and self-organization onto Darwinian selection as a bias for pleasure over pain. Evolution is not value neutral. Given infinite universes non-denumerable infinity tells us that every moment must exist infinitely for all possible sum over histories (Richard Feynman) for all possible universes. (Will be pushing for space here.) Given infinite universes and infinite sentient civilizations infinite civilizations will survive for vast time scales eventually resolving into Absolute Infinity and Absolute Love. This state of beingness is a permanent aspect of every part of existence. Science has become shackled to skepticism and the narrow constraints of a very primitive epoch in the scheme of biological and silicon based evolution. Ray Kurweil demonstrates the capacity of potentiation in his demonstration of cosmological, computational and exponential technological growth. We will eventually drop the distinction between artificial and carbon based intelligence for new cohesive constructs far beyond our current capacity to visualize. As cells in our bodies are not conscious of our bodies, our self-conscious minds are not cognizant of the Absolute because we are bound by cognitive duality. Consciousness is dualistic and narrative based whereas awareness is timeless and immediate. Yet for anything to exist, whether subjective or objective, they must inevitably be absolute necessary aspects of a perfect existence. One also has to take into account the profound paradox of time (quantum block time) relativistic twin paradox, matter antimatter time vector reversal etc. we really don't know much. The axis of existence proceeds from the Pervasive Ground (unified field) through Manifest Material Reality and onto Infinite Potentiality. Existence is an Infinite Web of context and though the local universe has some 10 to the 26 bits of information they overlap and furthermore are connected non-locally. Existence is not constructed of finite locatable things it is a nonlinear process of textural flow and integration. Lot more I could add however gives the gist of what I am on about. Hid in a corner all these years however when saw this site decided to have a stab at explaining my NDE. I have written extensively but not published. Who, after all is interested in radical and revisionary ideas. After all they forced Thomas Kuhn into a corner. Our current epoch is incommensurable with a civilization two hundred two thousand, two million or a billion years older. Plenty more where this came from. It's time to wake up and go beyond the magic and mythology of religion and the primitive egocentrism of science.

transform (v.) mid-14c., "change the form of" (transitive), from Old French transformer (14c.), from Latin transformare "change in shape, metamorphose," from trans "across, beyond" (see trans-) + formare "to form" (see form (v.)). Intransitive sense "undergo a change of form" is from 1590s. Related: Transformed; transforming. https://www.etymonline.com/word/transform?ref=etymonline_crossreference Because you are already beyond form, it seems that you can transform. Transformation is only possible because you do not actually have a form. Brilliant. Brilliant. Brilliant.

Most of our misunderstandings stem from our forgetting that love is not a thought or condition or something we can have or don't have. You only know love by how it feels. Love feels like love. We trick ourselves into thinking longing is love, or respect/fear giving authority is love. If it doesn't feel like love, it's not love, it's a resistant thought. We are taught that objects, people and circumstances have the power to control our happiness. We believe that they have the power to grant or take away our happiness. When you go directly to the peace and happiness and align with the feeling rather than waiting for circumstances to align to cause it, sometimes circumstances on their own also align, typically in a way more pleasing than we had hoped or expected. Align with feeling first. Often at first, it may look like a step in the wrong direction even. There may be a loss, a letting go. We may find that the object of our desire was deeply symbolic, and not itself the object we desired. However, the fulfillment we seek from it, is already within. What this is is the realization that the subject we are focusing on makes no difference, if we will only put how we feel first and be willing to drop subjects we are pushing against for a time, we are going in the direction of what we want. You get what you want by feeling good, regardless of whether you're directly focusing on the subject, or not, and maintain feeling good whether it comes or not. We came here to grow, to desire more, to create, to transform, the enjoy the process, not to despair in it. Trans-formation. Going beyond form. The fact that things are never fixed as they are, the fact that we are spirit not material is the background and is direct transformation itself. It is that which we desire out of, and it is what we desire. "Whenever your think of Me it is I who am thinking of you Whenever you love Me is is I who am loving you Whenever you long for Me is is I who am longing for you Your desire for happiness is the pull of grace on my heart" - Rupert Spira "What you seek is seeking you." - Rumi You do not get what you want by wanting it bad enough. You already are what you want by wanting it good enough. When we feel bad, we're moving away from what we want. Have you checked out Abraham Hicks? She teaches this on a feeling level that is much more direct than almost anyone else I've come across.

Hey Paul. Excellent initiative. Some tips I can give you: Start low of course. Don't expect too much from your first trips, go with a mindset of testing the waters. Your sens of self can freak out when threatened, and you wanna lower the defenses progressively as you learn about every aspect of it. Internalize the fact it's a process. Even if you come face to face with Truth sooner that expected, then it's a whole other process of integration / life transformation, and ultimately union. As cheesy as it sounds, love is your compass. Go with a loving intent. Not only it will help you surrender, it will lead you to what you're seeking (spoiler, you're in this game for God, nothing less). I personally prefer LSD a lot more for spiritual work. Less visual field distortions, way easier (for me) to go insanely meta on awareness itself without distractions from inputs of other aspects of consciousness. I might be biased of course, since it's the first substance that triggered awakenings in me. It lasts longer, even though you will discover that even 8 solid hours with the absolute will pass like a flash. Lastly, treat that with respect. It takes a very mature mind to accept having its paradigms shattered. Ultimately, you will want that. Trust yourself. The purest aspect of you is the ultimate authority in the universe. I repeat, nothing anyone can say can contradict your experience. That's important, because most people are so lost. Go past that and ground yourself with the unshakable Truth that you are, period. Expect loneliness in regular consciousness states. I don't see people here talking about it very much. Chances are most people you know won't have realized anything close you will realize. You can't crack people's mind open, you most likely have to shut up about it. More practical tips: Empty stomach, mandatory. You will still trip, but lesser effects and possible nausea, especially on mushrooms. Never happened to me, but possible bad trips. Starter doses with dried mushrooms would be 1.5G for me. 125 - 150 μg for LSD, but that varies a lot from individuals. Nothing important to do the following day. You wanna max out your integration. Maybe a trip sitter at first, just in case. But that's distracting. Offer the experience a clean mind, so maybe eat more healthy a few days prior, no mind numbing activities (social medias), these kind of things. That's pretty much it.

Took a little trip to a nearby town in SLO. I used to live here, 5 years ago or so. Feels like it was 5 lifetimes ago. Man, walking these streets is such a trip. I'm having flashbacks, memories... but it's almost like it all happened to someone else. I'm light-years away from where I used to be back then. Such a massive transformation. Makes me think... where will I be in another 5 or 10 years? How will I perceive my current self then? Whoa. I was thinking about reaching out to some old friends here... but nah. I'm not feeling like it, really. 'Where have you been? What have you been up to? Are you still alive?' - I don't feel like answering all those questions now. Heading back to Italy soon. But first: coffee.

What is she helping you with, and are you making progress there? That's the main question in my opinion. That, and also whether you feel good with her. She may be being a bit unprofessional, or she may not be. It depends who you ask. Some would say that a therapist is not supposed to share anything about her own life, and be an unpenetrable surface, that everything bounces off and comes back to the client. Others would say that therapists should humanize themselves and build an authentic relationship with the client, because a real relationship is more conducive to transformation than a one-sided one. It depends on what you prefer, really. You don't have to accept anything that you think is not okay. Here's an example of what I would consider unprofessional behavior: if a therapist would get emotionally triggered about what a client is sharing, and starting to project their own unresolved stuff onto them, resulting in a very clouded judgment. This would be a clear case of a lack of professionalism and boundaries. I don't know. What I can say is: She might have a point What you have written contains many instances of you trying to control how a therapy session should be done. But she is the therapist, you are the client. Either you trust how she does her job, which means that all your observations of how she should do it, should be treated as merely projections, and it's your job to observe these thoughts and question them, instead of taking them at face value. Or you decide that you don't trust how she does her job, and find another therapist. Both equally good options But choose one. Edit: now I apologize in advance for taking a wild shot in the dark here, but let's entertain it. I'm probably wrong. But if you in fact would be a control freak, then you would on some level have chosen this therapist on purpose: she has weaknesses, so you can control her. Judging by how she handles the control freak observation, mentioning it casually but not really digging deeper, it seems she's not strong enough to really penetrate into your core. And that's more comfortable for you. Even though you also resent it on some level. Again, shot in the dark. If it doesn't resonate, please forget what I said.

Leo, Good job on always pushing the boundaries and exploring in ways that are authentic yo your journey of God realization and transformation. There are not many sources out there covering such topics as: holism, spiral dynamics. psychedelic awakening, sense-making, epistemological empathy, non-duality, God realization... I have been on this path along side you and have also found that awakening with psychedelics the one way I have found to access both deep hidden trauma (giving me access to healing my childhood survival patterns), as well as, access to God in a non-dual, infinite ineffable way. I still do yoga, meditation, vision quests, dream work... as a means of supporting my psychedelic work, and like you, have found that these modalities are amazing, and fall so short of providing a radical transformational wisdom, insight, and God realization that plant medicines do. I have tried many psychedelics, all for the purpose of deep understanding of myself and Spirit: - Iboga, Aya, Toad, Ninos, MDMA... I have love 5Meo DMt!! and am looking forward to trying MALT and the ability to deconstruct how God (I,We) are creating this reality! I have a few questions I wonder if you could answer: As God (limited in the human form) what is your belief in our ability to manifest - To experience and participate as humans with our non-dual nature and have this reflect in our material reality. Dp you feel your experience with psychedelics and the wisdom you receive from them and the felt sense of infinite love has changed you... i.e. have you moved closer to the embodiment of this infinite love in your life? I work in the field of psychedelics, integration, facilitation and it is amazing to witness the childhood survival patters that hack the human physiological systems and how hard it is for humans to transmute these patterns and live in true sovereignty and wholeness. There is a great book called the 5 personality patterns that has been quite insightful! it Maybe worth reading and sharing... Anyway, thanks for sharing your process.

I love it when I forget about a piece of music that I wrote, and then 'accidentally' come across it again. It gives me the opportunity to listen to it through brand new ears. From a totally new perspective. It's a very cool experience. I wrote/recorded essence and absolution some months ago, at the very beginning stage of this transformation of mine. It was sort of an experiment... I wanted to try out something new. I think there is big potential in this style. I'm sure I'll come back to it at some point. What I'm working on right now though, is a completely different world.

It sounds like you are going after states, not for the Truth. There is no such a thing as "God state", because God doesn't exist, it is existence. In other words, God is not distinct from any thing. So sorry, I have no idea what you talk about when you say by living in some god head state. As a human being you can have a very different variety of states, for sure. But those are all functions of self and mind. Self and mind are not God, but they are manifestations of "it" so fundamentally there is no separation. So, it doesn't matter whether your self is in a state of suffering or flow, or some love state. Self is not separated from God. If "God" was a function of state or experience, then it wouldn't be the Truth. It would be just another thing in existence, relative to some other things which are not god. I don't mean that going after states isn't good or beneficial. On the contrary: improving your state of being is important for us all. I love being in the flow state. But a state of being is not the nature of being, and many many fall prey to the delusion that God is hiding in some mystical state. God is every state of being. I think this is especially common among Psychonauts. The substance nukes self or mind so deeply that you are temporarily freed from being inside a conceptual self that drains your being and lower your state. And boom, you go from emotional deficiency into some blissful state of peace/flow/love, and mistake the state for the Truth. Classic trap. If you want to permanently change your state, than lose, loosen or change the self you created. Self transformation is no easy task at all, especially if you want the "high" states of being. You will have to sacrifice a lot of what you built as your self for this. And shedding deep beliefs and assumptions about you or reality is not easy at all. And you don't remember that you crafted your self from scratch, because your were to busy in creating it, so how could you? Consider that if you want constant emotional abundance and being in flow or bliss, you would actually have to give a up all the things that bind you into your current self and state of being. And this could be everything that you hold dear as a self.

Humanity has widely gone on the misunderstanding that things, circumstances, people and events bring them (the separate self) happiness and security. This misunderstanding has lead to a epidemic of unfulfillment and a need to secure things. This creates the suffering of greed. If we apply this same misunderstanding on a wider scale to the problem of climate change, we change nothing and then our own impotence becomes incredibly frustrating. We may try to control and enforce others to comply. We may sacrifice human health, life and happiness for the earth and turn it into a war, where it's earth against humans, forgetting we ourselves are never separate from earth or humanity. What will truly transform our environment is the transformation of ourselves, because it is a reflection of us. No inner, no outer. What will truly transform our environment is love for it, and love for ourselves, knowing that love knows no inner, no outer. We believe that the world was here before us, not realizing that our knowledge of the world came only after the knowledge that we are. The very essence of being and knowing is love. That's why shame, blame, remorse, control, and despair will never ever heal the environment. It's what created the need to have the bigger, better, best and the following lack of fulfillment when it was obtained.

Keeping it short and simple. Avoiding over-scripting. The purpose of this split is to attain a clearer view on the overall process. To organize the bits and pieces and accelerate the progress. WR1: Minor adjustments due to unexpected migration. The shift brings new gifts. Both physical and metaphysical. A slight but noticable change in style of expression, as well as appearance. Little to nothing remains from PR. Barely a memory. The vision remains the same, merely the playground changes. In this first phase, I spend most of my time in solitude. Little to no interactions. Mainly surface level dialogues. I moved to Italy primarily for one reason: money. That remains my focus. The rest of the gifts, that this city offers, will be unpacked later. Money. Music. Fitness. That's all in a nutshell, for this phase. WR2: Moving to a bigger, more fancy apartment. Already attained a significant amount of money. My desired body-shape nearly fully built. First piece of music, born in this new chapter, is released. More interaction/socialization. Dating. Sex. Long, wild, fun, memorable nights. Starting to script the details of DR. WR3: Deep scripting of DR. Preparation. Closure of the chapter. Retrospect. Overview. All necessary lessons and skills learned and mastered. Transformation complete. The wait is over.

Or rather to simply commit to the Truth at all costs, and the other stuff to come as a by-product. I recall Leo mentioning something like this isn't really a purpose but a potent supplement to your human experience - something like that. Or like what Ralston mentions - You awaken to certain degrees, then you do the transformation work, continue to live in the world etc. Is it worth revising my life purpose even though it drives me and gets me excited?

I feel like crying, but it's not quite on the surface yet. I'm sure those tears will come later, when I put on the right kind of music.. There is melancholy in the air. Some tension. Will work my way through it slowly. I'm at the beach, all is empty and silent. Pleasant summer breeze. The sky is clear, the stars shine bright. They're soothing my soul. I know nothing is lost. I know there is so much to look forward to.. But still, I feel this transition deeply. It's not just about me moving. There is a lot of layers to this transformation. Some heartache is only natural. What am I to do with all this silence..?

WOW! Thanks for sharing. Don't know what to make of it yet, but a fresh perspective (for me at least) and will definitely be exploring this more. Some notes: Like a caterpillar squirming in the cocoon, psychology tries to make you get back out of the uncomfortably tight cocoon of transformation to "normalcy" back to "reality", but really you are just left being a dysfunctional, half caterpillar, half butterfly. The mystic tells you to keep going with the suffering and pain, so that you can become the butterfly and transcend the old reality completely, like a phoenix rising from the ashes "This work aims to transform the mind to reject the Ego based self-worth of determination, and thereby replace self-worth feeling with self-awareness. This work is occult through and through and will transform the fool who absolutely wants to be like before into a spirit that merges with the universe, which looks back on the pain and suffering and feels nothing but LOVE for this pain, the pain that made him burn, so that now the Phoenix from the ashes brings light over the world!" Shame destroys you, it is always self-centered thought mechanisms. At it's extreme it can be psychosis, where the panicked ego tries to desperately save self-worth and avoid shame as the ego is being burned - from the perspective of psychology this is a problem to be treated to quickly get you back to being a functioning member of society. From the perspective of mysticism, this is you being freed from hell, transforming into something totally new.

Yea, there are not really necessary tool, but they are indeed powerful in showing how deluded the false self is, and how the different aspects of mind operates. They empower greatly the possibility of Enlightenment and Transformation. They can pierce through the most negative or false belief you have regarding your self, life and existence, and show you how the depth of your misalignment with Truth, as well as the enormous energy you invest in keeping your self in a contracted state and adversarial disposition regarding the other. I would dare to say that without Psychedelics, it is almost impossible to be motivated toward a deep Transformation of self and mind. Modern culture and language has created a very limited mind patterns which creates a glass ceiling that is fortified by other programmed and self-deluded minds. Psychedelics break this ceiling and motivates you to change the self-mind you created that is the only thing that gives life to this self imposed limitations.

It's perfectly possible for someone to change and stop acting like a narcissist or sociopath. The "information" on how to recognize a sociopath is simply labelling. A set of behavior patterns are identified as being "of a sociopath". Whether one can stop "being a sociopath" is the same as asking whether one is capable of dropping those behavior patterns. Are you capable of acting in your own will? Do you have free will? I cannot provide a proof that transformation is possible, because that would be the same as providing a proof that you have free will. But through your own personal experience you can see for yourself whether you can control your behaviors and act however you want. If you ever attain this true freedom, through meditation or other practices, then labels like sociopath will no longer apply or matter. This exploration into yourself and what you are capable of (and whether you have free will or not) is an exploration that has been made by many others in the past, about themselves. Except due to the subjective nature of this investigation, no amount of self-investigation of other people tell you anything about yourself. I do encourage anyone to explore their experience deeply and find out what they really are, but unfortunately the knowledge we get in investigating ourselves cannot be shared. The best we can share is a pointer asking others to go within themselves.

Hi guys. Is it really impossible for narcissist or even a sociopath to change. There is a bunch of information how to recognise a sociopath, how to avoid it, but almost no information about transformation. What I found is that cognitive behaviour therapy and psychedelics might be helpful, but there is not enough proof or exploration done. This specific case is not aware of his irresponsible actions. He honestly wants to change and with help of self improvement he already changed a bit throughout a year and became more aware of his actions. It is slow journey and of course some aspects of personality can be changed. But can narcissism be cured from roots? All his actions come from being hurt and being abandoned by parent at early age (2 years old). Please share insights or information about changes, I am aware that this could be a life long journey, but is it worth putting effort?

The Chakra Body of knowledge is another model/map for enlightenment and transformation, so just don't get to cling to it. It is distinctions of mind, albeit useful ones for some "seekers". Eventually, it will be more direct to grasp directly how you are doing self-imposed limitations with the mind, which is what ultimately causing "blocks" in the chakras, so to speak. Any chakra-based practice - Yoga, Chanting, Meditation or what not - is just another method or process designed to lead you to directly touching your limitations, because you lost touch with this ongoing activity you took on. At some point I invite you to entertain the possibility that you can directly "open your chakras" without any practice: you'll just need to drop your self and that is no easy thing to do.

Not sure what to do. There's the thought of a thought about retardation descending so many levels of retardation, barely being able to be called 'form', that it doesn't make sense to or can no longer be mocked or caricaturized. Ran out of a lot of anger. Out of energy to struggle or do anything. What's supposed to be done with this? Dopamine zombie, resorting back to traditional comfort eating after a long time. Why have I been rewatching so much HxH alongside reaction episodes? Do I have the energy to keep up awareness of bugs and hijackers? I feel exhausted and drained but don't know what to do about it. Eating healthy and good routine and all of that is supposed to help but, why am I so stuck everytime I try real life? Keep your eyes focused for just some moments man. Shame is certainly part of this. -- No, the anger is not gone. That was false. This heat and tension, yes it's still here. But obviously you feel different. That heat and scorn, is it an identity? You obviously crave it. But to what end? Is there any meaning to this? You think that you choose the scorn because not choosing so leads you to making incorrect conflations and falling into traps and modes you feel scorn for. You decided or thought that it's better than the alternatives you've had. Right now I'm literally desiring; muscle aches, heat, pain, tension, disharmony, war. I'm desiring pain. I desperately crave those muscle aches and the heat from it. Craving tension. Why? Why do I want this? I believe that this pain and suffering is good or preferable, some vehicle for transformation. I fear going back to the old me, falling into the old programs. I fear dying an retarded faggồt. The anger was never a vehicle for changing in the external world despite all my struggling, making it worse and worse till explosion. No amount of struggling, translating, could connect my imaginary space to external world. That despair of being unable to connect the two, that regret of being helpless and having no control, it makes a self-loathing I so rarely truly gaze upon. All that was/is left was a narrative of anger which degenerated into meaningless (self-)destruction, contempt and hedonism. Jesus Christ, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Go along with that scorn?... I wonder what will happen to me. Don't believe the bug telling you you're in a loop. But Jesus Christ this is a lot. Don't tell me to relax, you're telling me to chew my testicles I won't leave it there though, the deja vu is here for a reason, and it can be more like a light bulb rather than a hopeless thought. -- I do think one thing though. If you're being callous and feel physically sick/shame, don't look away from how gross you feel. The reason it doesn't quite feel you're in a loop. The alleged things you're repeating or looping back to, it's kinda like you're remembering those things rather than being those things. Following through with the delusion that what is clearly memory of it is in fact it (just to explain the difference), it's as though your experience has a more bouncy and rubbery feel to it than what it was before. What I really, really don't want is that humiliation. That humiliation of being on the floor, kneeling, castrated and weak. That is why I'm so angry. I'm not sure how much more truthful my contempt and scorn is than that.

@LastThursday ohh that's amazing then, haha. Yeah, I really don't think that much philosophically. Didn't think that somebody had it in them, lol, though if someone is that person, that would be you. Ahh let's just say that my thoughts are largely determined by the situations which I exist. Which means people, and a whole lot of children and constant changing situations (that's my fault) haha. And I am not even enlightened yet, I don't know how but somehow I had an sudden enlightenment last year and drifting between the worlds I came back because life situations wouldn't do and then I gone the furthest way to unconsciousness just to not accidentally drift into that world again, fake or real. Now at a certain date last weeks I have gone through almost all stages of complete unconsciousness and all you can do there to consciousness. I always thought that enlightenment was just beyond the wall, so I jumped over and over but every time, every new transformation or change I find myself not there yet. I didn't understand how extremely important consciousness is and how it is to be used before reaching the 'ultimate'. You know that you could just be thinking that your thinking is sustainable. But it is really putting a limit on your precence or other forms of consciousness. The mind has so many other parts than thought, maybe just maybe you are attached more to thinking than to all the rest of the mind. And won't allow it to take all shapes at any time. Maybe you have fear of a undirected totality of raw consciousness. I dont know how many chakras is of the mind but there is a lot, haha, that much I have seen. Too love body and mind, every part of it is stillness. Omg sorry for making you read all this shit, such a waste of my time. Sorry my ego has gone wild today, with the choice of course, I want to not hurry the process too much, body and mind felt like it needed a day to adapt to consciousness and I dont fucking know what my mind is doing right now, mental diarrhea to keep me from not becoming healthy too concious too close to something higher, the next step... Sorry, have a good day, with much love. Peace

Keeping going Also, there are active kinds of meditation that you personally might find more enjoyable. More active for example is vipassana meditation which is basically a body scan. However, even that requires a focused mind. So, at every beginning of vipassana meditation I'd do focus on breath or counting numbers. And even if you do that active technique, it gets boring after some time. Boredom is something you are getting confronted with in every meditation technique. Notice every arising feeling or emotion and come back to the thing you focus on. It's a never ending coming back to the thing you focus on (except for jhanas, but I have just conceptual understanding about that). Boredom is just another form arising that reminds you to refocus. For me personally what resonates is letting myself fall into comfy consciousness. Letting go from everything - just resting in awareness. It's like letting yourself drift in salt water and becoming one with the calm ocean. Things like thoughts & sensations may arise from the undifferentiated formless water and crystallize into form. They fall back into the water eventually. The benefits of meditation are very subtle in that you notice just a general sense of wellbeing & clear-headedness. When you stop meditation for months you will notice the difference. Hehe, you know it was truth. It requires no evidence because you personally verified it. You can try to validate it with perspectives from others. However, language can communicate just so much. What the perspective tells in language points you to truth and you can say "Yeah I know that personally". And still, you don't know the meaning/interpretation of what the perspectives really meant. And that's ok, you still imagine that we mean that same things and we speak of the same things in language. It's like going hiking in a nature reserve and seeing a rock shaped like a duck. You go back to the camp and ask the rangers for this particular kind of rock. They say, yes of course, many people discovered this one. You can take the pointing of that and validate that other people have discovered the rock. However, you still can have discovered a completely new rock shaped like a duck. The way you can verify that this is a new rock is to ask the rangers if they come back with you. Then you go together back and verify that this rock indeed a new one or not. With meditation you cannot ask other people to go back with you to validate that. You can only take the words and assume that's what they meant. This makes the practice tricky and you rediscover new dimensions of what people said even after you thought you discovered it already. It's like being a child and thinking to grasp what someone has told you. Then you rediscover it as an adult and you see the extent of it being broader & more complicated than you assumed as a kid. It's basically hyperventilating. The oxygen levels in your blood rise and the CO2 level go down. I also think the pH of the blood changes. There are no real drawbacks: you get ego-backlashes and there can be complications when you have heart problems or are pregnant. If you have heavy deep-seated trauma, it can come into your awareness and overwhelm you. Then it's better to do with a professional specializing in breathwork. Otherwise it is a good spiritual practice like meditation. A meditative calm mind certainly helps when emotions or memories arise and get expressed in the body as twitches, laughter, crying, tingles on the skin... These bodily sensations also certainly arise when being in trance or meditation. Meditation makes the mind clear (as in not attaching to thoughts etc). Introspection is shining the light of awareness on certain parts and recognizing truth and falsehood. The light of awareness can only illuminate just so much. That's why it's important to have a broad range of experiences. Experiences (even when you don't remember them anymore) shape the light to illuminate more parts or illuminate in other ways. Introspection leads to more insights. Insights lead to recontextualization of experiences. The experiences viewed from the new light are broader by nature and enable deeper introspection. And so on it goes. In introspecting you will see illuminated parts that are false. It hurts to recognize these parts (because you assumed them to be true) and the tendency is there to look away. Look at it and realize that it makes you more authentic, real and self-honest to be able to see and accept it. It doesn't have to change, rather continuing to be aware of it leads inevitably to transformation. Thoughts are the tools to create the life you want to have. Meditation or expanded states of consciousness in general increasingly show you that thoughts are not saying anything about you. Thoughts and the mind are there to create the life you want. Believing thoughts about yourself is conditioning. The basis is how you feel. Delusion is only when you believe reality to be a certain way. Open-mindedness and a pull towards truth/self-honesty come into play here. You delude yourself constantly without noticing. Curiosity and introspection get you to know yourself. Do you think feeling is limited? Edit: Experience the death of identity in an expanded state of consciousness. Then you will know it. And yet you begin to describe what it is. It is a world that you constructed to function better in society & the world. It is about deconstructing what you think the world is and then putting it together again. You will know it is illusory and at the same time you continue because you know you constructed it. It is about constructing your worldview consciously rather than getting it unconsciously from upbringing. Having a unconsciously constructed worldview is like having one pair of shoes for all kinds of situations. Sometimes another pair of shoes is needed for mountain climbing or living with a tribe in the amazon forest. Dropping the shoes and putting on others is effortless when you constructed them consciously. It is effortful when you attach to your unconscious paradigm. It is about having lots of differently coloured glasses for all kind of situations. You can drop the lens of material objective reality and put on and wear a magical-mystical lens for some time. And then another... They all distort, constract and magnify certain aspects of reality. It is about recognizing that you imagine New York and don't have direct experience of it. And yet, there is the Universal Mind that imagines New York and you as caeland. More on Mind later. Consistency is saying something about how you view the world, not how the world is (assuming the world is independent of you). Imagine that the world is entirely different and that you interpret it just in a consistent homeostatic way. Homeostasis is functional. Consider that what is functional is not always true. Imagine a lunatic in an insane asylum waking up every day and claiming that because his way of viewing reality from his lunatic perspective is consistent that it has truth. Well, it has, but it also doesn't have truth. It's partial. That doesn' answer it completely, but I hope is makes you ponder. Consider that your state of consciousness has to be less functional and thus less human in a sense for you to recognize that. Approaching the Absolute perspective (Mind) looks like denying reality. I mean, the rock in my hand is solid right? Physicality is somewhat explained here in the timestamped video. Watch till they speak about Donald Hoffmann. Well, it is mind-bending and defies reality. Reality breaks down. And it is ok to not get that. It is ok to think that this is impossible and insane. It is a map you read and it is too far out there for you right now. Hehe, imagine going to calculus class before knowing algebra. Doesn't work out right? Your ability to get this stuff gets better with time. Heck, when I read my first journaling entries, it's laughable how much stuff I assumed. And yet I stuck around and wrote in it persistently almost every day for months. There is a huge learning curve. No hurry. You grasp it with time.

@blessedlion1993 Enjoyment is typically being within one's existing frame of development, or "comfort zone" if you will. With what's familiar. Development is the transformation of our current form of being, towards a more complex version of that. Meditation can be a challenge, and is a challenge. It pushes you into a different "space" where your brain is allowed to make new connection and new sense of what you already thought you knew. Of course you can reach a point where the depth of meditation stalls, for different reasons, and then it's just maintaining status quo. And yes, stretching outside of what we know, do, are comfortable with, what's cosy, safe, familiar, presents us with such circumstances where our current complexity of mind is not enough to be successful in our sense making, and through that stretching of ourselves, we end up in territories where we have to make new sense of what's going on, to create new meaning for ourselves, essentially expanding our comfort zone. Ultimately developing a bias towards not holding on to current beliefs, and constantly looking for new, better serving beliefs. Development becoming self-serving. Which essentially, and paradoxically, is enjoyment through development, developing through enjoyment. While this is the accelerated form of development, developmental challenges happen all the time, you could call it life micro-dosing challenges of such small nature that we don't really look at it as development, and the shifts created are less profound so that we don't notice that shifting in our sense making happening. Just reflect over your past life since you were a toddler, learning to speak, walk, and all the way til today, it's one single developmental journey, and this, right here, is the progression of that journey. So again, what to pursue is more-so determined by what kind of outcomes you are looking for.