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About Emrie

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  1. Idk maybe we don't have to look at whole human beings with complex personalities that are always changing and judge their entire character just based on whether or not they watch porn and how many people they've slept with. Y'all are attaching so much importance to these honestly really superficial things and I don't see how they affect your relationships all that much. What matters in a relationship would be things like if you care about each other, good communication, attachment styles and love languages, and a whole bunch of other stuff too. Sexual compatibility too, of course, and I could hear an argument that someone's masturbation habits and sexual history may play a role in that, but it's a huge stretch to me between "may or may not play a role in exactly one aspect of the relationship" to "This person as a whole is a degenerate and I can't date them under any circumstances".
  2. I am SOOOO DONE WITH THIS FUCKING TEAM. I tell 'em good evening. They tell me "You're not gonna come drink with us?" I tell 'em "I don't even drink alcohol" They tell me "It's not an excuse! You can drink non-alcoholic drinks" I tell 'em "Yeah but let me have this excuse, idc". They tell me "Alright well have a bad evening since you're not gonna come drink with us" I tell 'em "Fantastic!" and then I leave. -- Issue I have with this whole interaction is that it's very clearly showing me as not wanting to engage with the team socially. I've pretty much left this team completely in my mind. Which would all be fine if I had another job lined up, but I don't. When I'll be interviewing for another job even within the company, they'll see me leave to these mysterious meetings and very likely will suspect that I want to leave the team. And that's not really ideal, I need to keep it a secret. They can't know I want to leave because that'll tarnish their opinion of me.
  3. Been radicalizing myself incredibly heavily into communism recently. Got a bunch of books. It's crazy how deep the capitalist rabbit hole goes.
  4. Today was crazy, wow. I know I know it's a coincidence but y'all God threw me a curveball today. So like, there's this restaurant near work that serves pretty decent burgers, yeah. It's a nice place, but we never go because we're always like busy and got things to do and it takes a long time we don't wanna take extended breaks. But yeah they've decided that tomorrow, we're going to eat at that restaurant. We haven't been to this restaurant for like a year but yeah, they've decided tomorrow. This would be fine and all .... except I'm in Home Office tomorrow. And I'm not in Home Office for no reason, I'm in Home Office because I have a meeting with HR to discuss changing jobs at the company and leaving the team. The meeting will be remotely, not in a meeting room. Since I'm doing it remotely, it would have been done from by desk PC and that's just unacceptable, And HONESTLY??? It's crazy, man. EXACTLY THE DAY that I'm getting things moving to leave the team, is exactly the day my team gets together to have a meal all of us together. So there you go! It's crazy symbolic that I'm very much leaving this team behind like this. EDIT: People today asked me "why are you in HO tomorrow, can you not skip it today?" I told them no I'm in HO because I want to be in HO at least once this week and it fell on Wednesday. Realistically I could have done HO any other day but, hey, they don't need to know that.
  5. @Razard86 Dude thank you so much I had no idea. Wow there are so many people I'm going to ignore right now.
  6. Didn't talk about it but yesterday was International Men's Day. Reminder that men are disproportionally affected by depression, suicide, violent crime, and prison, when compared to women (would love to see more comprehensive stats with other genders but here we are). Depression and suicide are also exacerbated by transgenderism and bisexuality. FUN FACT: I am non-binary but present as a man and was assigned male at birth, and I'm a bisexual. Meaning I AM INCREDIBLY AT RISK. ^ These horrible stats are NOT because of "feminism" and "boys can't be boys anymore". On the contrary they're because of people spewing that bull. Toxic Masculinity. This is mainly why I decided to stop identifying with the shitty male gender. I don't want to associate myself with that toxic masculinity.
  7. It's crazy how our society just doesn't really seem to care at all about mental health. Like it's just not a priority in the way we've built our society. I'm supposed to slave myself to an oppressing capitalist class that doesn't care about anyone or even anything but money. And there's just no space in that environment for me to have a mental illness. And you could say there are therapists and resources available to help me but like ... I still need money for that. So I still need a job for that. And I can't just go to my boss and say "hey boss listen I'm not doing well, here are all the things I'm doing to try and make it better, but please understand my performance might not be great and it's because of my depression". There will be no empathy or care. I have to work work work and I can't have a pesky depression come in the way of that. By the way, FUCK CAPITALISM.
  8. I don't know why but I don't really feel depressed tonight, like yeah I feel pretty normal tonight. I really don't know why because I'm not doing anything different than usual.
  9. So anyways I did none of these things. I'm depressed, leave me alone.
  10. Can't wait for it to be all psychedelics everywhere in the world. Might be a while though.
  11. Oh wow that's amazing! That's so much!
  12. Not me making the lewdest comment of all time. Just a friend. A colleague asked another colleague for help, they were busy so they said they'd help later, exact phrase used was "I'm coming". So my friend (absolutely my friend, not me) said "Yeah, you are".
  13. https://apnews.com/article/colorado-decriminalizes-psychedelic-mushrooms-4feb4848005fc355eef7b54b451460be Victory! Huge step forward. It allows everyone 21 and older to grow, possess, and share them. Not allowed to sell them. Also allows to create special healing centers where they can be used under supervision.
  14. Had a very weird "Fuck the Patriarchy" moment today. So I started taking Salsa dance classes and today we learned some couple moves. Obviously the first one is the spin, it's the easiest one. And literally what I do as the leader of the dance in this situation for the spin and raising my hand accompanying my partner's hand as they do the actual spinning, but I'm just standing there. I felt like it was a huge scam because I felt I was doing so little while asking so much to my partner, like wtf. And of course in the real world you don't the gender-neutral language I used up here but man and woman, instead. So yeah I love that I'm learning to dance in couples but also damn. Fuck the Patriarchy!
  15. I'm at such a low point in my life, it's really bad... I was on break this morning at work and I was just standing there with my colleagues. And like ... I was just standing there, I didn't want to engage in the conversation, I didn't want to talk to them or listen to them or anything I was just in my own thoughts and feelings, and they were really bad thoughts and feelings. I just felt tired and sad and like I just didn't want to be there. In the afternoon I even skipped break and just kept working because at least work felt better than break. So yeah really bad emotions and thoughts these past few weeks. Leo's blog post on weak words really rang true to me and I definitely need to implement that in my life. In any case I'm going to do several things: 1) Tomorrow I'm going to work by bike, it'll be my first time, I don't know how long it'll be, it'll be mostly flat so shouldn't be too much effort. 2) Saturday I'm gonna run 8k and I'm gonna run up and downhill. I'm gonna take it very very slowly of course but yeah. It'll be my longest run. 2) Sunday I'm gonna go on a hike, I've already planned the route, it'll be several hours and will be absolutely worth it. 3) Monday I'm gonna call a therapist's office, I just looked it up, there's one close to where I live. I hope they're good.