puporing

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About puporing

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  • Birthday February 5

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    Edmonton, Alberta
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    Female

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  1. Lol I been following some recipes/diet from the "Thyroid Healing" book, it's probably not necessary to go that extreme but I did notice an energy uptick and less brain fogginess. (Juicing, veg and fruit heavy no carb no diary, high quality protein, heavy metal detox, supplements for nutrients I'm short on).
  2. Yeah it can be frustrating.. Some are very fear based and have trust issues and will latch onto ‘conspiracy theory’ or anecdotal evidence as truth.. unfortunately more compassion and understanding toward them is needed for any chance of them changing their minds, not less.
  3. Tough to self-actualize/individuate in that country..or go beyond stage blue and orange. Herd mentality is strong.
  4. I like the work of Carl Jung for looking more into dreams, helped me with shadow work and individuation..
  5. Not being heard, dumbified Refused promotion to positions even though have demonstrated greater competency and responsibility than peers Not being taken seriously or offered encouragement when choosing a career (when it comes to how my parents react), literally told things like 'engineering is not a good career for a girl' Infantilized, treated like a non-sexual being How I looked was more important than how I was as a person or interests/passions (again parents) Not much dating experience when young due to shame around non-committed relationships and my low self-esteem Lots of shame and unhealthy patterns around it that I had to work through, contributed to my depression because I thought something was wrong with me (as I was expected to be asexual) Currently I feel more free thanks to a very supportive partner, but I still only really express that around people who seem open minded about that. Yes! Lots I have overcome over the years, like unhealthy coping, self-shame, talking about sex with intimate partner(s), restoring confidence and recognizing my beauty and expressions and everyone elses', gradual lifting of depression due to sexuality/having to hide it, be more comfortable with assertiveness, forgiveness and letting go of my past (still needs a touch more work here), feel comfortable exuding both the masculine and feminine which made me feel much more whole as a human being (my more masculine sides were shamed a lot in early years). It’s worth mentioning the intersectionality of gender and race in my case..which I sense have exacerbated things.
  6. Yes! I have done this myself from a toxic family situation. In my case it was not even a question I had to leave if I wanted to have a self/life of my own and not constantly be dragged down by drama. I had very little money though it would be better if you saved a bit. It was bit tough initially coz I had to take odd jobs whatever I could find at first (and living cheaply). I did have a degree and that helped me land better jobs eventually but the first year was a real struggle as I moved like 6 times in that year from shared living situations one after another. But like I said the situation was so bad that even this was more appealing. It's not egoic thinking you want to be independent and start the process of living life true to you. I don't regret it one bit and if ever in a similar situaion I would still work my ass off to stay away from living with family. I didn't tell my parents the real reason of why I left until years after however because it was not emotionally safe to do.. but that's up to you and your situation how you want to handle communicating your leaving.
  7. Mine is currently pretty non-existent aside from my partner, as I'm trying to focus on life purpose, reading, and healing in general. I do go out to some random Meetup events sometimes but don't usually keep going, and connect with the odd friend here and there see how they're doing. I'm just going through a phase where I need to be free of distractions and obligations. Maybe will come out of that when I feel like I got my life purpose in a decent spot.. we will see.
  8. It's tricky.. I think most people like to feel like they're special in dating situations (even if temporary?), and that can be hard to do in an open relationship. I think it could work either as you treat them like a FWB but treat them very well just be clear it's not a long term situation right off the bat and figure out a WIN WIN for both involved not just for you, OR treat them like someone really important to you regardless of your dating situation.. like a soul mate but she can come and go as it works or not work for her (as in any open situation people can come and go and come back lol, I mean it has to be genuine of course..) Other than that I think open relationship for me is more like a way of being.. like I don't want to hide my feelings if they do come up, or pretend I'm not attracted to others, or closing all possibility of loving others (can be platonic or sexual..) , etc. If you can embrace that without the need for outcomes it can be pretty sweet Also I think the one that initiates/actively pursues this lifestyle will find out that he/she will have to love harder than they might have in a one-on-one situation. (both in terms of how they handle the relationships/maturity and skills, and life-purpose related pursuits).
  9. Yeah I feel that too especially if that's how you used to be or your family grew accustomed to. There can be a sense that you're doing something wrong. There is a trade-off for self-actualizing people where they tend to go inward more and spend more time introspecting and grow. Having a strong vision helps and also you can still express love without spending so much time around people. I think it's healthier when people hang around not out of obligation and more genuiness. I value being honest (in this case around how much time I'd like to be around people) and so I have to let go of the desire to people please. Also just by you being this way it also sends the message to others that it is okay to have your space. However you show up in the world tells others that it is a valid way of being, and that does have a ripple effect.
  10. I would just go with my gut feelings... what you're comfortable with... how you feel about it.. etc. Do you enjoy your times together? stuff like that.. And maybe talk to him about your limitations in dealing with his suicidal thoughts/suggest other help and resources and that you wouldn't be able to solve all his problems etc I think drawing some boundaries is always healthy and I guess how he reacts to that can help you decide. Some people have chronic depression and are very aware of the boundary issue and try very hard not to be 'a burden' or use that as a way of getting their way, it just depends on how aware someone is about that. (I guess I am not encouraging or discouraging because I think you would know better )
  11. @electroBeam If you have access to land could try growing your own... (which will also demonstrate how actually organic produce is quite well priced generally.. ). I know it's still expensive when you add everything up but fresh is better.
  12. I'm curious if you've raised this with your partner seriously or not yet, and how she feels about this. It sounded almost like you're afraid to bring this up that it may cause her to not want to be with you. And I would say if that's the case really contemplate the cost of not sharing your true desires and how that might affect you and your relationship in the long term. There're risks but what I found over and over in relationships is that the cost of not sharing my true self/pursuing the things I have a deep passion for is just too high compared to potentially losing the relationship. And.. you might just be pleasantly surprised at the response you get from your partner (again I'm assuming you haven't yet shared).
  13. @Zen LaCroix For me was playing the piano and classical works of Chopin and the like, lol. It's not immediately accessible but it helped me so much in that regard more so than traditional talk therapy.. but basically it allowed me to fully feel all the emotions that were repressed it gets released as I'm feeling them. Actually it helped even more when I had a therapist who would listen to me play and talk about it afterwards.
  14. @7thLetter "Maybe god is a narcissist" - Leo Gura Lol but in all honesty.. it's not that different from regular narcissistic tendencies that I believe we all have to a degree and can manifest more extremely in some.
  15. @Chris_Esoteric So sorry you feel this way about yourself right now. I think the "I'm not living up to other people's expectations" is a pretty common trap we tend to fall into if not consciously aware of this dynamic. Just existing in society there are constant forces and pressures that try to herd you in with the herd. I've felt similar things that did put me on a pedestal to doing work I found little value in but was doing it to be 'responsible'. You seem to be at a crossroads right now between choosing what's right for you and the path you're on and choosing something that looks good to others. It's okay to have these feelings/thoughts think of it as an opportunity to choose where the next phase of your evolution lies. I recommend putting yourself first, only with greater self-love can you make the most out of this opportunity that is your life and make the contribution that you so desire. And be strategic about going after your LP if you could! (for example working part time and work on your LP as a transition if that's an option) Leo released a video today on this topic that actually might be worth checking out (The Root Solution to People Pleasing and Loneliness). Also I found Charles Bukowski to be a source of inspiration as he struggled a lot to balance between survival needs (a job that pays but didn't like) vs his LP/writing. He literally starved for his craft and didn't earn money from it for 20 years (though I'm not suggesting that you do this , you're the best evaluator of your circumstance).