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About puporing

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  • Birthday February 5

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    Edmonton, Alberta
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  1. @PurpleTree Mostly Chopin, Chopin alone inspired me to keep going with the piano, and Rachmaninoff, Debussy, romantic era music. And I'm also into heavy rock so I'm picking up other instruments to boot
  2. I really feel your pain and the struggle to be unconditionally loved and just wanting to catch a break from this struggle. You deserved loving, non-abusive parents, and it was not your fault that you grew up with so little of that and dealing with the physical, mental emotional aftermath. It sounds like you've been on your own, that you had to grow up fast to take care of yourself and perhaps your mother as well. I could relate a lot to what you're saying.. and about seeking warmth outside of home, because you didn't have that from your home life, only to keep the cycle of feeling unloved and abandoned. It's good that you're able to acknowledge the experience of loss, and that you have spoken with teachers and therapists about your past, it is not easy to open up about these matters as you're doing so here... You seem very self aware and have a good guidance system and asking questions. It may be helpful to first notice the pattern, and ponder on why they aren't meeting your needs in the end, and how else could I meet those needs and develop trusting friendships and relationships. I know it's perhaps not the answer you're looking for. But you're not alone and I hope this community can help you feel more loved and supported.
  3. You're most welcome! I see, I can see why that might be. It gave me the jolt I needed sometimes, it's just one perspective, not for everyone. Honestly, I prefer to enjoy the process as much as I can as that's how I could avoid burning out. And you really deserve to enjoy the process, after all in all likelihood musicians do most of their work for no pay and even when they get really good they get like waitress wages (for most). A healthy balance is how I approach it.
  4. I have family members who still refuse to be vaxxed and one of them only now got the first shot due to being diagnosed with cancer *big sigh*. I cannot change their mind and they won't take advice from a 'youngling'. It sucks because both are dealing with delayed medical care that they otherwise need (and complaining about it because hospitals are clogged and surgeries delayed..).
  5. Connection, like real face to face connection that’s not a therapist, or a work one, or a friend that just wants me to take are of them, lol covid is not helping.
  6. Both my parents were around stage purple to red with little bits of blue and orange and were only really concerned with their own problems/perpetual conflicts and how they looked to others/how I made them look.
  7. @PurpleTree That's how I started, I mean not just this piece but yeah stuff like this
  8. Comptine d'un autre été by Yann Tiersen.
  9. @Thewizardking What helped me was going back to the works of other musicians that first inspired me, I would just play their songs/pieces over and over and I get so much inspiration from that. And I acknowledge I still need some time to get to where I really want to be creating. Love the process of getting where you want to go, trust it, and don't expect anyone else to give you reassurances nor let them talk you down/out of it, as there will likely be lots of "rejections" before you make a "success" but know that the process itself is you contributing to the beauty of this world. The very act of it and living it has tremendous value and is already affecting those around you. A reading/re-reading of the War of Art may also be beneficial.
  10. I second that Moved out of mine to a large degree now with more focused meditations in the float chambers.. lawl. And a lot of sleep...
  11. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've considered hosting Meetups too at one point something similar but more spiritual leaning.. it just seems very daunting like you say people being at various stages. Kudos to you for keeping with it despite the challenges and finding meaning through connecting people face to face. It's hard to come by these days to find more conscious communities.
  12. LoL thanks, yeah compost is super-rich stuff, now my city collects food scraps I hope it goes to farms, so underrated. @John Paul I used to work as an environmental tech and go to contaminated sites and do cleanups/write reports and stuff so know some about how they travel and how long they can persist in the environment. And I ran a no-spray farm. I chose leafy greens and juicing veg because I feel like leafy greens have the greatest surface area (from the spray, also broccoli), and juicing because all the vegetables I use don't usually have a shell which does act as a bit of physical (but not perfect) barrier and juicing extracts like everything from the veg so it would be more concentrated I feel. Can't say I've actually done a literature study on this mostly just info I collect here and there on the web + observation. I'm really not paranoid about it just do what I can to reduce... it is expensive afterall and not everyone can afford this.
  13. Yeah that's the tough one isn't it...
  14. @Windappreciator lol. Like I said it so highly depends on the farm and best if you did some research of the source itself. But no back when I did some org farming I used very little if any fertilizers, just compost.