puporing

And.. there are "physics adjacent" jobs in high ish demand, or "sociology adjacent" jobs. Like.. you can figure out what is the essence you like about those fields and take that and see if you can find it in other programs/jobs. And well there's also nothing preventing you from coming back to something later when you feel like you can do well again if your first choice stays with you.. I think a lot of youngsters are fed this expectation that if they didn't get their first choice right away out of high school then they have "failed at life". But it's really a kind of conditioning people like to put on each other especially when they are young..

Yeah it's pretty clear you were not suited for that field and that's partly what school is meant for too... Like imagine if it just gave everyone who enters the field a degree, especially something that is more "serious" like physics or engineering.. You feel suicidal sounds like there's another substantive reason besides your major/chosen field, because you mentioned about money associated with sociology. Perhaps you also feel there's no guaranteed work after schooling - this isn't ungrounded a lot of undergraduate degrees are "pretty much useless" for getting a good career. These days I feel like if someone is just going to do a general degree without much research or orientation as to why they're doing it they might as well use that money to start a business... I recommend looking at programs in smaller universities and trade schools too that offer something more tangible. They can be overlooked but imo have higher chance of you finding a decent paying job and something tailored to a specific industry.

I also meant to comment on this.. you clearly have some empathy and also some amount of self-awareness. The really far gone ones generally have superficial empathy and tries to gaslight or ignore the people with their problems, and they almost never shed a tear either no matter what they are hearing.. And yes to your credit that you are willing to share about things openly also demonstrate a higher level of self awareness.

@StaraX First of all.. you might already know this but NPD or narcissism is on a spectrum, and is highly correlated with one's spiritual growth/development. But a psychologist or psychiatrist most likely doesn't know that and following what they were taught in school. Or you know.. they could also be more narcissistic than their patient and cannot truly see what's going on and thus in no position to "diagnose" the healthier patient. I recommend starting to distinguish your desire for genuine love (which may include things like attention and doing well in life), vs trying to get this at the expense of people around you. Where it starts to fall into an unconscious place is usually, the person has a lack of self awareness or shame about causing harm while trying to get what they want, they focus on that so much that there's not much "giving back" in their life. Some of what you're saying is related to lack of wisdom or foresight rather than strictly "narcissism": Explore the possibility that this will not actually bring you happiness. However depending on what you were dealing with.. there's a difference between attempting to speak your truth and make something right, vs lashing out. What is it you think you will get from just becoming famous that you cannot without it? Is it based in truth or is it based on a shaky foundation that you are currently assuming is solid? Do you feel like people who mostly care about your outward fame are ones that truly love or care about you? Those two are related. It's not untrue there are people who will try to sabatoge you in this world simply due to jealousy or "competitiveness" or similar reasons, so it's okay if you can accurately perceive this, but becomes unhealthy when it becomes a projection (which one it is requires more awareness and life experience). If you are more conscious of why you set those goals in the first place and they are reasonable healthy goals, then you also wouldn't have to doubt the "actions" it takes to get there as much and have trust in yourself the ability to assess/reassess everything as you go forward. This one is really the main one you should be leery of because of how it could hurt people. And if you want to be a highly conscious being you would not want this in your life at all.

I am not trying to "troll" your thread I promise.. but I really feel this way.. I don't really care about material things nearly as much as people's consciousness these days.. so Home to me is more of my brothers returning. Without that I am "Homeless" in this world.

Being too awake to care about the test.. I'm kind of serious about that one.. But ofc if you needed it for something you might ace it too.

That's bullshit. A big chunk of my awakening journey can be attributed to music (playing and listening) and really feeling them or become it. Basically every artists carries with them a level of frequency with their music and they can help you awaken if they are ahead of you. Do the opposite.

It's not true that you are just bound to fall asleep again, a lot of that is in your control and the more you awaken the more control you have over this. Yes if you haven't awakened much then yeah you're bound to come back almost "uncontrollably". But even then every awakening carries with you into your future lifetimes if you choose that. You can also remain as spirit and not come back here this is your choice. Anyway I hope you are okay because the way you started your post kind of worries me.

I know what might cure me but it's not up to me.. is if more people reached my state. I know that sounds like a baseless claim but that's just what spirit tells me and as well through brief moments when someone was able to share their light with me I experience improvements. Anyway, I'm doing fine mostly. The point was just about speaking for people with these "weird/invisible conditions" and the kind of hurdle they face. Basically if almost no doctor can either help you or take you seriously and there's also no support/assistance for basic survival even temporarily, yeah you could see how that pushes someone to become suicidal..

There was probably something else he was not saying on the forum.. like perhaps he needed help to survive. I know what fibromyalgia is like, at the worst times you really have trouble doing regular tasks but you still look normal as hell to people so almost every doctor will gaslight you and suggest you're lying. I have been gaslit so many times by bad doctors that I have little to no motivation to try again. When I tried to get some kind of disability support again I had trouble finding a single doctor who would take me seriously. The government/disability department also doesn't take it as seriously. My symptoms get worse when the stress of survival becomes seemingly an impossible task so it's like a negative feedback loop. It improves when I have some backup. You know the funny thing is? At best disability support will give you something like 1000 bucks a month which isn't enough unless you lived in a tent or van. And even then the people in charge try to nickel and dime, deny the people who really need it. And this is in Canada one of the better places, who knows what was happening in his country.. I'm just lucky coz I currently have some support. But if I didn't I'd be almost just as screwed.

@mmKay I've been living in my van since spring this year. It's mostly not bad and if I really needed to I can find an Airbnb temporarily. Partly it is to save but also to use the money I have to pay visit to places where I live or use it in other ways that's fitting. I will be going back inside for the late fall and winter and may repeat again next year. Yes it doesn't have to cost much I think something like a caravan is the most economical way to go about it (compared to the larger commercial vans).

Kingdom of Heaven, which I tried to describe in the other comment there.

Prior to the "big bang" is Me . I can try to describe it but it won't be the same as experiencing it. Grandeur, golden/white rays, mechanoid, holiness, glory, perfect Love, protection, perfection.. ("Colors" are mostly gold and white as mentioned above).

You're not taking my questioning seriously. I am basically saying, before you awakened, did you honestly have a choice in the matter of "being a human" or being awake? I mean yeah if you're utterly asleep and really think you're a fking cat then you're gonna protest and resist when someone tells you that's not your true being. Oh.. you don't wanna know how much I know about "cats". Maybe you're talking to one right meow. That's why I used air quotes "". Again you're not taking my line of questioning seriously and diverting the real issue. You know when I say "big bang" I mean the creation of this universe/dream, with your mind that is.

That's an assumption though. If the cat doesn't know or remember what it was before it became a cat it literally cannot decide for itself right now, it has no clue to decide or even know if such a decision exists. Imo you cannot say the cat has "freewill" to make the decision as to continue to being a dream character or awake when it has long forgotten what awake is. At best you could say during the "big bang" there was some freewill to become a cat but after that and the dream is set this freewill was gone. And there's also a difference between an awakened cat vs non awakened cat. Which one would you rather be?