Tristan12

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About Tristan12

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  1. Technically God is the one here experiencing the suffering because the ego is just an illusion, but I get your point. It doesn't seem that way at all when you're an ego and you never consented to experiencing all the suffering of life, and there is no awareness that you're actually God who is wanting it
  2. The ratio of pleasure/pain doesn't matter. It does from a human/survival perspective, but not from God's perspective. From God's perspective, all that matters is love, and because God loves everything, God wants to experience everything, so every experience is a win. Because of God's love, God wants to experience the highest highs, the lowest lows, and everything in between. Existentially speaking, there is no such thing as a bad, undesirable or negative experience. There only is from the point of view of an ego.
  3. I remember one time I was listening to Leo's episode "what is perception?" and he was talking about exactly this. I remember I started to become conscious of it as I was listening to it, and at the time I was driving, and I remember all the sudden it was like there was just a road, but there was no one driving. There was this car moving down a road and that was it. Nobody was experiencing it. It was the coolest and most beautiful mind-fucking thing. It made me think of the idea that if a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, does it make a sound? I realized that whenever a tree falls in a forest, and someone is there experiencing it, there is actually nobody there experiencing it, and the tree is just falling and that's it. If you think of a tree falling somewhere with you not there to experience it, and you're wondering if it makes a sound, all that exists there is an idea of a tree falling somewhere, and no tree actually ever falls anywhere unless it is experienced in your consciousness, and in that case there is no you experiencing it, there is just a tree falling. I also had a similar experience one time while meditating where I realized that there is no me here meditating, and there is no meditating happening at all, there is just consciousness. I'm sorry to hear you don't like this stuff and you almost fainted, I don't know what to tell you about that, I just relate to your experience and I find this stuff really interesting
  4. Lose yourself, Lose yourself in this love. When you lose yourself in this love, you will find everything. Lose yourself, lose yourself. Do not fear this loss, for you will rise from the earth and embrace the endless heavens. Lose yourself, lose yourself. Escape from this earthy form, for this body is a chain and you are a prisoner. Smash through the prison wall and walk outside with the kings and princes. Lose yourself, lose yourself at the foot of the glorious King. When you lose yourself before the King, you will become the King. Lose yourself, lose yourself. Escape from the black cloud that surrounds you. Then you will see your own light as radiant as the full moon. Now enter that silence, this is the surest way to lose yourself. What is your life about anyway? Nothing but a struggle to be someone, nothing but a running from your own silence. - Rumi
  5. My heart and God's heart are the same. My ridiculously deep desire for love over everything else is the same as God's desire for love. I understand how God feels about love, and God understands how I feel about love. Our desires are one and the same. That's why I feel such belonging and so at home with existential love, and why love touches me so deeply and causes such intense reactions within me. PS: don't take this too literally, I have not become fully conscious of God yet and so I don't fully understand God. Everything I said here is just how I feel when I become immersed in existential love, and how I react to it.
  6. Okay. Do you find you are still able to contemplate very specific and nuanced questions while on psychedelics? I get the impression they would be good for more broad questions like what is death or what is consciousness, but I'm not so sure about something very specific. For example I know ayahuasca is known for its healing abilities and I would be curious to take it just for the sake of understanding the psychology behind it and how the healing actually gets created, for the sake of trying to recreate it sober. I don't know how likely it is I'd be able to get that specific of an answer. Also, what psychedelics do you recommend specifically for contemplation? I've heard that some tend to take you where they want and others let you have more control, which i'm guessing is what you'd look for for contemplation. And i'm guessing you wouldn't want too high of a dose, for the sake of still being able to think and use your mind relatively normally?
  7. I'm interested in learning about emotional healing and psychology not just for the sake of healing myself but also just for the sake of having the understanding, since this work is my life purpose and area of mastery and something I want to learn as much as I can about. I'm working on trying to create healing processes that can be used sober, so I'm more interested in using psychedelics to assist in gaining the understandings to figure out how I would do that, rather than using them for healing directly. That's why I'm wondering if I could ask/contemplate very specific and nuanced questions on psychs and still get solid answers.
  8. There is a lot I want to learn about emotional healing work. I spend a lot of time contemplating the questions I have, and of course I have books, people to talk to and other resources to learn from, but i'm specifically curious about using psychedelics for learning, specifically for questions I have that would be difficult to get answered otherwise. I know that you can of course get some really profound insights from psychedelics, but what I want to know is could I take a psychedelic and then list off a bunch of questions I have and then get them all answered directly? I know that psychedelic insights often come from a journey or experience on the psychedelic that eventually provide an answer, rather than being like if I was to ask someone a question and they give me a direct answer. If I took say mushrooms or ayahuasca or something, is it likely that I could communicate with an entity or just contemplate on my own a list of different questions I have and quickly get answers to them as if I was asking those questions to a real person? The thing that concerns me is how specific and detailed some of my questions are and i'm not sure if they're the kind of thing that psychedelics could provide answers for. Also, i've thought about using psychedelics for the sake of exploring and learning about my shadow and subconscious mind, and to understand how to work with it. The fact that psychedelics can thrust you head first into your subconscious mind seems like it would be such a good way to learn about it and understand it rather than only reading books about it or trying to access your shadow sober. If I had a trip and set the intention to learn about that, is it likely that the psychedelic would show me about my shadow and how it works and basically the entire trip be a detailed learning experience, answering any questions I have? Or is it more likely that I might get some brief or less specific insights and the psychedelic would take me where it wants to go instead? Thanks
  9. Thanks for sharing
  10. The weirdest thing just happened. Lately I feel like I am getting really close to finishing healing, like it could happen any day now. As I was working on my healing process, I got this glimpse of the lost part of me that I am trying to integrate at a much deeper level than I usually do. What I saw was that from all the hell and suffering I have been through (which comes from the pain this part of me is stuck in), it felt like this part of me had almost become angelic, like I could feel this golden glow around it, and like this part of me was just dying to love so badly and wanted nothing else. It felt like this is the core piece of my heart I am missing, and that once I integrate it, and this part of me is healed and no longer in pain, nothing will be holding back the love. My heart will be free. Once I saw that, it was like I got a glimpse of what it will be like for me once I heal completely. Nothing will be holding back my love, my heart will be set free, and because my heart is longing for love so fucking badly, that's all it wants to do. As I realized this, the love just got so so strong. Images of lots of things I currently don't like/bother me etc. came to mind and I just didn't care at all. I love them and I want them so badly, it means nothing to me if they bother or hurt me in any way. I love them so much, and i'm crying over how much I want them. I've had lots of times where I have reached deep states of love, and I have cried really hard and it was really beautiful, but this time, when I got a glimpse of what it looks like my heart will become once I heal and nothing is holding back the love, I experienced love like i'd never felt it before. It was easily 10X any love i've ever felt before, it was just so intense. I realized why I have been through so much hell and suffering over the years. The ridiculous depth and strength of the love I could feel here, I could feel it was directly proportionate to all the suffering I have been through. I could tell that the depth of the love I felt here and will feel in the future is only possible because of the depth of the pain I have been through, and how badly my heart wants to love as a result. Every excruciating moment of suffering I have been through, day after day, year after year, is gas thrown on the fire of my heart, and the fire is fucking raging. My heart is like a horse that's been locked in a cramped stall all its life that will finally be set free into an endless field, free to run, and my heart is going to take off. Usually when I get into a deep state love like this and I am crying, it lasts for a minute or two, but then I cool down and get out of it. But this, I just couldn't let go. I started to come down and wipe my tears, but then it just pulled me deeper. I could see what my heart will become once I heal and I just couldn't get over it. It felt like my heart is just going to go mad in love, I could see the potential for it, and I just could not stop crying, for a good 10 minutes. I've never had anything like that ever happen before. Rumi has this quote: "Your heart is cooking a pot of food for you. Be patient until it is cooked". I realize that what I discovered here, what my heart will become once I heal, this is what my heart is becoming, this is this "pot of food". This is the reason why I have been through all the suffering I have. This was God's intention. What will become of my life after this? How will I live? What will I be like as a person? I can't wait to find out. "I am hopelessly in love with you, no point giving me advice. I have drunk love's poison, no point taking any remedy. They want to chain my feet but what's the point when it is my heart that's gone mad!" - Rumi
  11. The ultimate structure of reality explained at 1:16:08
  12. This is just how Leo teaches, he can be sort of critical sometimes, but in reality you're right, it doesn't make sense to judge a being for being selfish when it was literally made to be selfish. There is nothing wrong for a living being with an ego to be selfish, because its just in our nature, and God loves and understands that completely. Of course to reach God we have to drop that selfishness, but it doesn't mean we have to do it in a condemning manner and judge ourselves for having it in the first place. We can love and empathize with ourselves through all of our selfish ways and thus transcend them through love rather than beating ourselves up about it. People might judge you for being selfish, but God would never do that, because you're exactly right, why create ego if you're gonna judge it. This is why I think the classical definition of karma is BS. Why would the universe design a creature to be selfish and commit devilry and then judge and punish it for being that way? It makes no sense. Of course actions have consequences, and you can do negative or selfish things that then land you in a lot of suffering, but the suffering is not meant as a punishment, its just the result of your actions, and it should help you to make wiser decisions about how you act. The idea of being punished for your negative actions through karma could never work to make a person more loving and less selfish, because then a person would be loving and good out of the desire to avoid negative consequences, which is still a selfish desire. Only when a person stops caring about karma/being punished and is loving just for its own sake, only then would they be truly loving and selfless. Karma makes no sense, especially in a universe that is absolutely loving.
  13. @RickyFitts Oh lol that's funny