Tristan12

What kind of problems?

I'm currently doing research on this and it sounds like it is orally active, whereas 5-MeO-DMT and DMT aren't. Search 5-MeO-MALT here: https://tripsit.me/factsheets It shows dosages and durations for 5-MeO-MALT taken orally, and I got the same answers when asking ChatGPT. Sounds like threshold is 5-10mg so I would start there. I'll probably try this soon myself so I can let you know how it goes

My first time doing mescaline (this is the synthetic HCl form). Total dose was 200mg I took 100mg at 9:18am, mixed with water and drank it, on an empty stomach. After about 20 minutes I started to feel a soft buzz in my face. It’s 9:44am, I’m laying on my bed listening to Venice Bitch by Lana Del Rey, and everything feels so gentle and smooth. My thoughts are reduced, there is this beautiful, peaceful, airy sort of feeling. I feel a little nauseous, but not much. I can feel that this medicine is very gentle, soft and loving like how people say, similar to how I imagine MDMA would be. I’ve known for a long time that I’ve needed really soft and gentle love, like how a mother would love a small child. That’s something I didn’t get enough of as a child and I’ve felt many times in the past that that kind of love is what I need. Even though my previous ayahuasca and Bufo trips were great, I felt like I never really got that gentle love from it, but it feels like that is totally possible from Mescaline. Feeling this gentleness, this love, this ecstasy, and crying and purging from this place, this is EXACTLY what I need. I started to feel into my shame a bit, and I started to cry, but when I cry, it doesn’t feel like just an emotionless purge like how it did on ayahuasca, it feels like someone is there with me listening to me and comforting me because of the ecstasy and love of this medicine, and that’s exactly what I need. My body feels warm and is buzzing all over, and it feels great. I started to feel like I don’t deserve an experience like this, I don’t deserve softness, gentleness, love and euphoria, but feeling into those thoughts and feelings helped me to release my shame more. The love was pretty gentle and soft throughout the whole trip, but I remember there was a moment around this point in the trip where it was mixed with ecstasy as well, which really amplified the love and softness, and to cry out my emotional pain while in that state was absolutely incredible, and I would love to have more experiences like that. Second dose I eventually stopped working on my shame as much, and continued to listen to music, lying on my bed. It’s 11:13am. Overall everything feels great, there’s no issue, but it’s very light and I want to do deeper work on myself, so I took another 100mg. I noticed throughout this whole trip, that the nausea was pretty minimal, and whatever I did feel wasn’t really uncomfortable because it was overlapped by the body high. Maybe it’s because I took it on an empty stomach and took two light doses. It’s 11:50am, I can feel it getting deeper. I’m listening to music, on my bed under a blanket, and I can feel myself starting to go into my shame again because that’s where I want to go. I can feel the love of the medicine helping again like it did before, and it’s pushing me to go into my shame, but it’s uncomfortable going into it, because I know I will have to face it and feel through it all. I have a few hours by myself at home until my mum comes home, but I keep thinking about how much I wouldn’t want her to hear me crying and reacting like this. Even though I know she won’t be coming home until later, I keep thinking about her hearing me. I started thinking to myself, my mum makes me feel more shame and socially anxious than anybody else, and I am trapped living with her and cannot get away from her. As long as I’m around her, I’m not free because I can’t express myself. The only way past that is to become comfortable expressing myself around her and not let the shame I feel around her affect me anymore. She’s where I originally got it from anyways, so you will only really be free by facing and resolving the source. I kept crying more and more as I thought about the shame my mum makes me feel. I could feel the medicine getting stronger and taking me deeper. I realized that me being afraid of my mum hearing me cry is something I need to purge, because that fear comes from the shame I hold inside. Another thing I realized is that part of being authentic is expressing myself and my authentic needs, telling her when she does something that bothers me, and continuing to enforce it and rebel against her if she doesn’t listen and respect it. I have the right to do that. Thinking about my abandonment trauma After all of this, I started to think back to my original abandonment wound around my mum, the wound that caused all of this shame. I started to feel how it felt to be a small child, 3 years old, and for my mum to walk away from me and leave me when I was hurt, crying and upset, and I really needed her. I felt how ashamed that made me feel. All alone, nobody loved me or cared about me enough to help me. I felt like an outcast, like there was something so wrong and bad about me. I could see how extremely painful shame can be, especially when there is this much of it. It was hard to get myself to go deeper into it. I was wanting the medicine to force me in deeper, so I could sit with it and release it, because it was hard having to willingly go into it, and eventually it seemed to do that. It got a bit uncomfortable and I started to want to not be in this experience, but I realized I was being forced to feel deeper into my shame exactly how I wanted. Throughout all of this I was crying really hard and loud. I was so happy about this experience that I was having, because I have been wanting to work on and release this shame for a long time, it’s been my top priority for things I want to heal, and I was not only addressing it, but it was being done in such a loving and gentle way, exactly as I needed. I cried a lot throughout this whole trip, really deep and hard. Releasing tension in my body Throughout all of this I was shaking my body a lot, and starting to hit my thighs. There was a lot of tension in my body that needed to be released. I decided to grab my foam roller and go on the floor and start using it. Amazing idea! I used it on my thighs. I was groaning and breathing so loud as I used it, and it felt so good. When I would use it on my hamstrings, especially higher up and more along my inner thigh, I would start crying really hard. I think using a foam roller was such a good idea because I feel like I released so much more tension in my thighs than I would have by hitting them or shaking my legs, and it was great for doing more emotional purging. After doing foam rolling and some stretching, I feel significantly more flexible and loose than I’ve ever been, more than months of sober stretching I’ve done in the past. I also used the foam roller on the front part of my shoulders, and I spent time massaging that area with my fingers. That led to some emotional release as well, and I feel like I released a lot of tension there. I got the craving to bite down really hard on something, so I got a flattened toilet paper roll that I brought home from my ayahuasca retreat after using it there, and I bit down on that. That felt awesome, and I released a lot of tension in my jaw. I then used it in combination with massaging the front of my shoulders. That area is really tense and painful, and by biting down hard, I felt like that made it easier to release the pain and tension. I had moments of really intense crying and emotional release, largely from the beautiful music I was listening to. I would go back and forth between crying hard and feeling into emotions, and doing physical work to release tension in my body. This is just what I felt like doing but I feel like that works perfectly for healing trauma. Other realizations I realized that I won’t ascend to God and reach massive spiritual development while still having all these emotional wounds, and still being so hurt and crippled by them. I will fully recover from them, 100%, as if I never had them to begin with, and I will reach God in a totally clean, pure, healed state, left with only the wisdom and development gained by suffering from excruciating emotional issues for the first 24 years of my life. All of the emotional baggage I have can be overcome and released, despite how deep it is, and I will reach God and wholeness as if I never even lost my wholeness to begin with. I realized that using a substance like mescaline was perfect for me. I’ve known for a long time that very gentle, motherly love is what I really need, and so choosing to work with a psychedelic that can most easily provide that is the most intelligent choice for me to make when picking a psychedelic to use for healing. When I get farther into healing my shame, there’s a point that I reach where I feel like it’s very hard for me to go much farther, because I’m really getting out of my comfort zone at that point. At that point it’s like I don’t want to let go of my shame beyond that, because it’s comfortable for me, and fully letting go of my shame and being totally open and authentic is scary, unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me. I think more trips to gradually heal my shame at deeper levels, along with pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone in social situations and be authentic and expressive when I feel okay enough to do so, I think that will help me. Conclusion By the end of the trip, and since it’s finished, I definitely feel a big improvement in how I feel emotionally, and my body feels so loose and relaxed, and like such a significant amount of tension has been released. I’m so grateful that I was able to work on my shame, because that’s what I wanted to work on the most, and the beautiful loving energy of mescaline felt like exactly what I needed. It was amazing. I’m grateful for how much healing I got considering that this was just meant to be an introductory trip, so I’m glad I took a second dose. Along with the gentle, loving energy of mescaline, I noticed it also feels kind of foggy and airy, like there is fog in between my perspective of everything. In between me and my thoughts, my perception of the external world, by perception of how I’m acting. It’s hard to judge or make sense of what is going on because it feels like I can’t see or perceive it clearly. This isn’t anything negative, it’s just an effect. I also didn’t have any visuals at all. I thought everything had a purple glow to it, but then I realized I had a purple light on. Amazing experience, I definitely want to work with mescaline again. Attached are two audio clips, one of me crying, one of me using my foam roller Crying.mp3 Foam Roller.mp3

I'm starting to get into psychedelics and I need information on dosages and routes of administration. I did some brief research on google and in the search bar here but it was hard to find everything I was looking for, so I'd appreciate if anyone could link me some resources or just type out the information here. I'd like information on all of the main psychedelics, for my notes. Info on mushrooms and LSD are easy to find myself with a google search. I ordered NN-DMT and 5-MeO-DMT vape pens and I got info on dosage for those, but I'd like info on dosage for other routes of administration, with HCL or freebase. I also need info on dosages for synthetic mescaline, including dosing for plugging. And lastly I really need dosages for 5-MeO-MALT because I haven't found any info on that yet. Really any information you guys can share with me on dosing, ROA and what to expect from these psychedelics would be appreciated. Here are some links I have so far: (thanks to max) https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/8019-the-5-meo-dmt-mega-thread/?page=149#comment-1477662 https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/8019-the-5-meo-dmt-mega-thread/?page=149#comment-1535014 https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/8019-the-5-meo-dmt-mega-thread/?do=findComment&comment=76320

Have you done any other psychedelics beyond LSD?

I saw a really easy way to peel them from this post on instagram. If you peel them in a large bowl of water, the seeds sink and the white parts float, which makes it easy to separate them. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C1sJr6QRWjr/?igsh=MTZtbnl5MXZteGplMQ==

In childhood, when there is some kind of abuse or the child is unable to get its needs met in one way or another, if the child finds a way to manipulate to get its needs met, it becomes co-dependant. When co-dependant people are super nice all the time to the extent where they let people walk all over them, they do this to get approval and connection, because from their trauma, they have learned that that's the only way they can get it. When co-dependants continue to take abuse from people they are in relationships with instead of leaving, it's because they are desperate for connection and are terrified of being abandoned, and they figure that a toxic and dysfunctional person wouldn't have anybody else who would want to be around them, so this dysfunctional person essentially needs them, thus guaranteeing the co-dependant connection. You can see how all of a co-dependant's behaviours that appear to be so nice and selfless on the surface are really done completely out of their own self-interest, and they are just manipulating to get their own needs met. Co-dependancy is entirely based in selfishness. For a narcissist, they went through the same kind of trauma and had unmet needs in childhood, but for them, there was no way to manipulate to get their needs met, so in that case, narcissism develops, where the person completely stops caring about the needs of others and becomes entirely concerned with their own self-interest, steam-rolling anyone and anything in their path. It's really their only option to get their needs met at that point. A narcissist basically becomes locked in a bubble of their own self-interest and is unable to see how they are hurting anyone. For a narcissist to become aware of that, they would have to face and admit to all the pain they hold within themselves that caused them to be this way in the first place, because the bubble they're in is the only way they've been able to get their needs met, and as soon as you remove that, they see how hurt, unloved and deprived of their needs they've been. Both narcissism and co-dependancy are styles of relating people based completely on the person's own self-interest and what they are trying to get out of the other person. They are created through trauma and especially shame, because they learn that this need/this part of you is not okay and is not going to be loved which leads to them having to figure out other ways to get their needs met. Because of this, I feel like a more accurate explanation is that if a narcissist looked within and became conscious of his actions, he would see all of the shame and hurt he feels within. Deep down narcissists feel deep levels of shame. Self-hatred is separate thing. (Of course he may begin to feel self-hatred if he became aware of how much he has hurt people, but the root cause of narcissism is shame, not self-hate). Of course narcissists don't really love themselves based on what love really means. They are just obsessed with their own self-interest and their own needs and agenda, which of course comes with a lot of egotism and arrogance and makes it look like they love themselves a lot. That's why if you asked a narcissist if they liked or loved themselves they would say of course, but it's not real love, it's just an adaptation to cover up deep shame underneath.

Says the guy who's an Actualized.org moderator...

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@Leo Gura Personally I grew up around the kind of harsh, no-bullshit kind of attitude you display. My uncle used to be a professional soccer coach after playing in the olympics. Nice guy but also very firm and strict with a "get your fucking shit together" kind of attitude. I feel like his personality is very similar to that of Gordon Ramsay. I was the closest to my uncle out of any family member because he was the only one that cared about personal development and growing yourself, so even though he was harsh, I really resonated with him and valued the things he taught me. I feel like that, combined with the fact that I have a strong masculine part of myself that resonates with and likes the kind of harsh, tough-love, cut the bullshit and go do it kind of attitude, I've never really had much of a problem with Leo's teaching style. I can see what people are saying, but personally it's never really bothered me and I rarely find it too much. With that being said, I still do find it kind of strange to have a teaching style like that with spiritual topics. It doesn't feel very fitting, and it feels kind of low consciousness. I read what you said about your approach being about cutting the bullshit, and being very firm and direct to be able to get through to people, and I honestly like that and see the necessity for that, but I just think it could be improved a bit. I feel like the biggest thing would be to just care more about people's feelings. I feel like you could still be firm and direct, but deliver what you're trying to say in a way that doesn't hit people so hard. Meaning be more considerate of the emotional impact harsh truths have on people, or on how you are making people feel by cutting the bullshit and being brutally honest. I feel like if there was more "I know this may be hard to hear" or "I can see why you would be resistant to that, I would too" and just more consideration and validating of how people feel, I feel like the things you say would be received so much better and it would be so much easier for people to see the loving intentions behind your harsh teaching style. When I read the things you say or hear how you talk in your videos sometimes, it feels very cold and rigid, like how it feels to run your hand along a pointed table's edge. Cold, hard, sharp, like a slap in the face. I'm sure that this is just your style and personality (I know you're an INTP) and so I get it, and I can see how it might feel weird or unnatural for you to not be this way, but I just feel like you would be received so much better with more concern for how people feel, and more warmth and uplifting encouragement, to the extent that it feels doable and authentic to you. In regard to the things you say about reaching truths nobody has ever accessed, having a much deeper understanding than anyone else, and nobody else on here understanding what consciousness is, etc., I'm totally on board with that and I don't doubt what you're saying at all. When you say these kinds of things, I can see why people might take you for an arrogant know it all, but I can honestly see that you're not trying to be arrogant and that you're just stating the truth. I feel like anyone who cares enough about integrity, being a good, loving person, helping others, and talks as much about self-deception/is as aware of self-deception as much as you are, it makes no sense why you would just be stuck in a bubble of arrogance and delusion, and be so intensely adamant about it no matter what anyone says. Especially considering that your whole life has been about discovering the highest truth, and you've done all these things like being super open-minded, being highly aware of self-deception, all this stuff, why would you suddenly lock yourself in delusion now? Of course anything is possible, and I know I can never know for sure unless I discover truth for myself, but I just wouldn't bet that you're deluded about these higher understandings. Even if you are totally wrong about everything, I feel like the people here are already making a huge mistake by feeling like they know it all and being closed to further discoveries in consciousness. Even if they were right, that close-mindedness is a red flag. How could they really know that there is nothing more to discover? In terms of your arrogance, egotism, and all of that, like I said I can see through a lot of it and see that you're not trying to be that way and you're just trying to be firm and direct about the truth. I feel like I would have to talk more with you to really understand your reasonings behind things and understand how much is intentional and how much is true arrogance and egotism, but either way, I really don't get the sense that the way you are is problematic. I can see how you might want to adjust some things in your style to be able to appeal to more people (like I said above with empathy) but the only issues I see in you aren't anything more than just normal personal flaws and minor issues that everyone has. That's just my opinion. I will try my best to be honest with myself about anything I see in you that contradicts all of this, but for now I don't see any problem and will remain an avid follower and student of your work. Thank you for what you do.

This and psychedelics

@Tyler Robinson Thank you

@hyruga @Tyler Robinson Wow, thanks for the shoutout. I'm glad you found my videos helpful. I've taken a break from the channel and haven't posted in over a year as you may have seen, but I haven't forgotten about it. I continue to gain more knowledge and deepen my understandings every day, and I've had huge growth over the last year. I'm just trying to figure out some core insights for how to heal trauma at the root that I need to be able to teach effectively. Once I eventually get it I'll be coming back

I just came up this idea: You know that image of the milky way where it shows where our solar system is, and most people just assume that we are in the middle? I feel like tier 1 thinkers (anyone below stage yellow) are much more likely to be the ones assuming we are in the centre, and people at stage yellow are likely to realize right off the bat that we're not necessarily in the middle and we could be anywhere. This shows how much less concerned stage yellow/tier two is with their own self-importance and how much more considerate they are of other perspectives and other views and possibilities outside of themselves. I can feel the amount of maturity and security within yourself is needed to be able to drop that obsession with yourself and your own agenda and start to think outside of yourself.

I much prefer your style of teaching where you deep dive into topics in each episode. I'm not a fan of Sadhguru's short tidbit type of episodes, I feel like I don't get much out of them compared to yours