ValiantSalvatore

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About ValiantSalvatore

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  1. I dont believe in the accusations. I just know that I don't know as well as read the context and see what actually has been done. I like the idea of frequencies, Energy bodies, aura etc. I would trust that more becasue it adds up to me with Intuition. I don't know Mooji I would actually have tried to Go to a Satasang. But life circumstances did not allow the Plan to unfold etc. I can't really say more becasue I agree with most of what you wrote. I don't dislike Mooji it's just not really my type as a teacher, yet I would like to go there once potentially and learn.
  2. @pluto I am not sure about Mooji there are some accusations about him sleeping with disciples as well as secluding his daughter from living abroad due to financial issues? https://gurumag.com/becoming-god-inside-moojis-portugal-cult/ What I read about Sadghuru so far has been more spiritual in the sense of the accusations are more not understandable for the ordinary human. For instance his wife killing herself and She actually transcended the cycle of rebirth. The article described some hindic concept of escaping rebirth and is considered higher than non-dual enlightenment. I don't have anything against Mooji but I became a bit more suspicious after reading the article above. Especially thinking about healthy, non-cult like Systems or Institutions and how difficult it is to live in a "mobbed-up" place. Not sure what to think about this. His teachings etc. Are legit I bet I like him at the beginning of his journey. But a depth check is definitely neccessary I intuit on the path. He definitely I does Not seem very traditional what I like from what I read, yet I can't come to a conclusion what to think about him. Which makes a bit dangerous for me If I would live there imo.
  3. I also noticed a ton of biases against white people lmao even if I am both that I notice just makes me angry, I don't know I actually want to understand I think this is why I am mainly angry... Now I have to ask more questions. As usual...
  4. Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I will try to write this shitty post. I am not angry, just wondering what I've been doing this whole time. I rely on comfort on a daily basis to survive ? Social Isolation ? I definitely feel when I am going out with people and I don't have a large variety of social groups to opt for, that I generally struggle with wanting to be with people to much. That is one reason why I want to join clubs to have a set expectation of meeting people regurarly and this is what I notice a lot of people who are normally sucessful do. So, I am certainly being observered lmao. Writting this in public. Coding in public. So, coding with a friend on different projects certainly gives you just mental backup to start doing stuff. Yet, I am mostly distracted, it's fine better than nothing. I chilled today with a Dr. from the MaxPlanck Institute which is kinda funny and generally meeting people who are my age studying the sciences is way cooler, than going out for drinks. At best with them. I can discuss a ton of social and poltical problems. As well as I want to say the new series the Expanse is quite good. I love it that they combine science, sci-fi, politics and individual personality or more characters. Anyway. I post this out of obligation I did not meditate the past 3 days, because I helped did not really feel to practice ? Yet, I miss the 1h sessions often I notice now that my background and without support physically that I am just prone to distract myself. It's fine still, yet I want to practice I hope I will sit today for 1h. At least and tomorrow get out of the freaking house and go to the libary coding. I still feel bad about a couple of things I have difficulties sharing with because I don't know people will relate. I am thankful for meeting friends. I am thankful for having fun. I am thankful for coding and programming itself opening doors and opportunities I am thankful for this journal. I am thankful for people I meet on the internet or have meet on the internet for inspiring me. 3 traits of future self. More academically accomplished friends. More fun with academically accomplished friends. Having a foot in the door into the world of business.
  5. I try to write one Post on my Phone since I am outside, I might as well try to enjoy that. The pattern of discomfort that I focused upon today. Revealed me the pain and struggle and the ebb and Flow of life naturally, let's you dive into the growth process. Loving the process and making it enjoyable thereof comfortable is one Thing I want to work upon by buying and designing my Environment. Like simple things buying a plant, having nice pictures or sculptures inside my appartement. Buying a Laptop that allows me to Code but not neseccearily play games. I still love Fall it's one of my favorite season I dislike spring here at least in China it was more lovely. Less driven by Western love Standards and more intune with nature. I never considered that intelligence can be a burden before I starte studying I could accomplish way more If I get rid of distractions. Sucess will be the theme of next year this year I will just get my Gym Routine back into order. Health is also a topic which I can pay more attention to otherwise I noticed the more I am around knowledgable ppl. I want to learn and grow more it's very uplifiting, life stories, tragedies, the Heros journey and even basic small talk. Like what did you eat today. I love Leos quote I want to read Sri Aurobindos book that I bought from where Wilber has his third Tier terms. From reli of tomorrow. I am thankful today for the season fall. I am thankful today that I can hang out wiht a friend I am thankful today that I can hell a friend. I am thankful for Meeting New and inspiring people. I am thankful for feeling the Feelings I felt in China. I love impermance and I want to conquer fking time on a Spiritual Level. 3 traits of future self. Embodyment for love of learning. Embodyment of love. Embodyment of health. Let's get it done! People are awesome!
  6. I am so tired today and will only make a post with three sentences. Number one observation about discomfort was that comfort and buying certain products just like the right chair or keyboard can or could boost productivity. I experienced a lot of comfort while facing discomfort helping a friend move to a new location "laughing" about the stupid shit that happend today. To much comfort let's me live in a fantasy land that does not exist. No Happy exercise 3 traits of future self Determined Couragous Able to transcend fear in each situation and use it consciously
  7. Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I definitely experienced a ton of discomfort working through the entire night, I was so happy that I took 1h naps and sleeps during that whole time and somehow in a twisted way I enjoy this, yet i did not meditate again. I do think I found the root cause of all of this and it is basically to much comfort. Especially masturbation and staying inside keeps me not focused on grander things and opportunities. I don't have much control and the amount of time I spend indoors is just to much and all I need is a PC and space and night time to get triggered into constant dopamine releases. With no fap I was doing a lot better in life. I remember a lot better. The times where I had an LP before I even had an LP. So, now I want to partake in No Nut November as well as do a full 90 day reeboot. I am not sure if i can quit the habit of pornography very well and I would rather inform myself and read about it. From what I saw from my favorite Psychologist so far is that HE recommends that in a healthy relationship statisically there is no porn present. Yet, living out their sex lives is one thing that helps to strengthen the relationship. So, all in all I am more than interested than before In relationships and as a student I somehow don't feel that I need to have the burden of financial independence on me, yet girls my age are so picky and or spoiled sometimes. That they basically produce a lot of fear which does not even hold up the their standard. It's odd. Anyway, this is my take on this so far. Also, I am not a hotel going fella. I prefer a cabine, or a somewhat more adventures vacation. The hotel and it's cost should be of minimun concern instead of the opportunities and activities available. I rather live in Tokio for 2 weeks in a not so good appartement and see a lot of the city. When I would like to releax I would go either to a very beautiful location with a beach like Crotia or in general to a more isolated place or even go hiking. I don't like sitting at a hotel eating allday and jumping into the pool with minimum sightseeing and being the average tourist. I'd rather explore also culture and people to the extend possible. Anyway got way to sidetracked. No Exercise 3 traits of future-self Invests in orderliness time and money Invest time and money into LP Did a 90 day no-fap challenge again.
  8. I will do a random short reflection. I thought about the reasons on what I can do to finally accomplish my ambitions and goals. I keep breaking them down, I keep thinking about them. I planned about them. I reflect about them. I take partial action. Yet, I stop at one point or I don't even really start. So, even when I want to implement a habit that will get me started to implement the others habits and or just is a basic neccesity that should be included in my schedule. I still have some problems. It's not neccesarily what. I know what I want, to some degree. Yet, it is more what can I do and this is constantly where the crux lies for me. Because then I start becoming fearful, discouraged and I drop the activity out of a life pattern of dropping activity and a lot of change. So, I can definitely ask to get help in some form of psychotherapy or so about this. I tried cbt, I tried shadow work, I tried journalling, I do mediation, still nothing seems to move me foward to my LP. Besides sitting down and putting in the hours to achieve the goals. When finishing the LP I think I actually had my largest Psychedelic breakthrough as well as I had the worst semester. So, I was not up to a very good start. I think about re-doing it completely, yet it is so crucial right now to finish all of the work and decide. I did not take enough action, because I hate action and I choose discomfort. Yet, that is not the point the point is what I can do about it or what is the reason to do it. Because it generally makes me feel inspired, yet what blocks me is this son of a bitch enviroment and then I keep thinking oh I can't blame the enviroment, yet the infrastructure blocks me and does have an influence it is not blaming it is more acknowliding that it has an influence which hinders me to achieve what I want. So, there is no other choice besides to accept it and move to a different place. I really don't like it here even thought I enjoy a lot of my time her leisurely. Yet, it's not an inspiring place and or city and or region. So, for that part moving would be great just to be more inspired to take action on my LP. Another big part is reading. When I am so lonely reading could help, yet when there are so many "aritficial" social creatures lurking on th net I do think when I don't have a strong reading habit its more natural to gravitate towards using a computer. So, what now ? The books I currenlty have and I can't really afford others are still interesting, yet I feel so stupid explaining everything to others as well as feel bored by the general amount of content that I can talk about and or talk about with others. I love hype and hype feelings, yet I don't know what I can do. Besides saying 5-4-3-2-1 and deactivating the habit loops in my basal ganglia etc. I really would like to talk to some cool scientists and not some guys who live and work for their family and have no personality, only "integrity" and no character. The may play a role, yet they don't have character and or personality most of the time a few do. Yet, there are these weird modern types wo keep saying state of the art. So, it's very appealing to orange, yet nost post-orange. I'd rather would listen to Feynman explaining me how a rubberband works instead of attending all of my lectures I had so far. I am somehow a bit doomed here. I don't really know what to do besides this journal is giving me some emotional relieve. There is pratically not really somebody that I can call, my mom is the worst person to call since she has 0 empathy and I feel like an asshole talking to her, I explain so many concepts and she does not implement one. I feel really stupid talking to her sometimes. I don't have a very complex relationship with my mother, yet it's just the connection that is missing that if I am not conscious she is just a mamal robot doing mamal things.... the situation at home though is a bit more complex. Because of my grandma dying. It's annyoing that I have to endure this annoying family. Which does not provide happiness.
  9. @Michael569 Funny to see this i just saw a video with a title Extinction Rebellion today and did not read it was the founder. It was on Russel Brands show on YouTube. The founder explains Spiral Dynamics so she is aware of that and apparently has studied molecular biophysics. It's very short Russel Brand does not seem to be interested that much, yet I did not see the whole interview. Maybe he thinks it's similar to a cult. Or just some movement.
  10. Today I will focus on my pattern of discomfort. I will make an entry in german today, since I don't feel like thinking a lot in english right now. Heute war ein eher komischer Tag, ich werde jetzt nicht in Details eingehen und erläutern wieso, weshalb und warum. Stattdessen versuche ich das alles auf einer Metaebene zu betrachten. Was kann ich generell gegen ein Gefühl von Unbehagen oder was man mit dessen assozieren kann tun. Wichtig ist es immer noch ein sauberes Umfeld zu haben. Neben den zweiundzwanzigtausend Synchronizitäten die passieren lebe ich viel zu isoliert. Ich habe mir nicht mal Gedanken darüber gemacht, wie meine Art, des Umgangs mit dem Gefühl von "Unbehaglichkeit" sich auf das Kollektiv auswirkt. Es ist schwierig ich finde momentan alleine keine Lösung und bräuchte soziale Kontakte, jedoch sind Optionen limitiert und ich wäre besser dran nach Hause zu fahren um, dort ein paar Kontakte zu pflegen. Hier ist es ein wahres Ödland was man zu angesiecht bekommt Hügel, Felder, Wald und ein bisschen Stadt und dann wieder das selbe Play. Von daher ist weiß ich noch nicht was ich tun kann ich könnte mir eine App laden um Freunde zu finden und einfach zu chatten. Das wäre eine Möglichkeit die ich noch nicht ausprobiert habe. Jedoch nach vielen online Freundschaften oder Freundschaften die sich maßstäblich eher heutzutage online stattfinden. Ist es fast nicht wert zu chatten ein Anruf ist tausendmal persönlicher und tut seinen Zweck auch erledigen und zwar viel besser. Ich bin momentan auf Glatteis gelegt mit dem Fortschritt aus dem Muster der Unbehaglichkeit zu entrinnen, ich weiß nicht wie oft ich ca. schon oft das Gesicht gefallen bin. Aber ich mache weiter irgendwie... Ich bin mir heute bewusst geworden das meine Art von Umgang mit unkomfortablen Umständen, Emotionen oder Situationen sogar die Unbewusstheit anderer enthüllen kann. Es ist unglaublich wie die Organisation dieser Hochschule irgendetwas auf die Reihe bekommt und keine wunder das ein Organisationstalent wie ich hier strandet. Es ist wirklich trash. Absolute eine Trash Uni. Ich habe es satt und mein bester Ausweg ist es endlich mit der Arbeit zu beginnen und Sachen vorzeitig zu beenden. Jedoch habe ich so viele Fragen und so viele Zweifele selbste wenn Leute mich ermutigen sehe ich es fast bei keinem anderen und viele tappen im dunkeln bis einer ihrer Freunde mal den Mum hat zu fragen und dies dort weiter propagiert wird. Es ist schwierig hier. Ich bin alleine mit fast keiner Familie entweder alle gefühlt halb Tod oder Tod oder in anderen "Ländern". Weihnachtsstimmung wird dieses Jahr mal wieder selbst generiert und Neujahr kann ich auch erst mal schauen wo ich bleibe. Ich bereue es immer noch das ich nicht so mutig bin und die Beziehung eingegangen bin mit der Person mit der ich hätte wachsen können. Ich kann bin auch oft zu ehrlich... Das ist nicht immer gut. Ah btw. keeping it real right ? Ich hab eher Angst das Bewusstsein mich eher Tod sehen will anstatt lebendig. Naja ich bräuchte einfach einmal in meinem Leben eine anständige Untersützung in Person, kein Geld, keine leeren Worte, keine "Liebe", kein gekochtes Essen, keine Ruhe, keine Einsamkeit, kein 0815 Coach. Sondern einfach eine Person die kompetent ist mir die Verhaltensmuster anzutrainieren die ich gerne umsetzen möchte und mich dabei begleitet aber das alles kostet Geld. Ich habe es alleine ca. jetzt 100 mal versucht mein ganzer LP ist momentan auf den Kopf gestellt und es gibt so viele Baustellen, dass ich mich frage wo ist überhaupt oben wo ist unten ? ? ? Von daher lass ich es lieber erstmal sein und arbeite weiter. Happiness exercise will be dropped today because of what I read about how this stuff works. To often is to bad. Traits of future self Mutig Zielstrebig Ereignisorientiert
  11. I also really enjoy this music genre progressive trance. While working very uplifting or in general.
  12. Today I focus on my pattern of discomfort. All in all I am happy how the day went, yet I am behind schedule in terms of when I wanted to give my report etc. I struggle with procrastination and I generally don't feel the need to accomplish anything as long as I don't want it. Or I feel inspired. So, today I learned about discomfort is there is a trick to work around it and I forgot one thing that I remembered, thanks to a video. Counting backwards from 5 to 1 helps to stop apparently the basal ganglia from being activated whatever that part of the brain does and activates the prefrontal cortex, so we are out of a thought loop and can start what we wanted to start and do that for even just 5 minutes. Research apparently showes that 80% of people will keep going and I noticed at the gym today I will keep going. Fear and excitement are one and the same emotion according to the body, sweaty palms, sweet in general, increased heart rate are signs of it when reframing it to excitement I or you become excited and I remember i did this for a couple of test where I wrote good marks. Where I was fearful. Now I was a bit stuck in paralysis of analyzes and what I found out is it is bad to ask why to gain self-awarness according to research I watched a bunch of TED talks and the researcher explained (she) that instead of asking why, one should ask what. For instance for me this would by not why do I experience discomfort, yet what can be done to combat discomfort. Is it cleaning your room. Is it washing the dishes. Is it deleting video games. Is it deleting distractions, keeping away from unconscious enviroments that prompt unconscious behaviours etc. Also, from the audiobook I listend today while I was at the gym he explained that just perceiving that you have social support when you are around people will trigger the benefits, so I did this partially because I felt so alone the last couple of weeks that I stuck to comfort mentality video games, a bit of junk food and staying indoors. The gym is vital for my currently even if the treadmill is half broken or I am a cripple running on this treadmill. Today I ran for 38 minutes till the treadmill shut of because I move the band forwards when I step on it and it just shuts down. I ran 6.2km or so during that time or more. Afterwards I ran another kilometer. In 6-7 minutes. So, I will ask what instead of why to not be trapped in the self-reflexion house of mirrors and. Write down things that will move me out of the pattern. I am thankful today for youtube videos. I am thankful for one of shinzens facilitators i am thankful for sleep I am thankful that I can beat fear with a trick I am thankful that conscious loops somehow exist 3 traits of future self Reaping seeds that were sown Healthy Achieved a 10k run of the treadmill
  13. @tsuki Do you really think you have NPD ? I thought I had two narccists in my life and thought I am one too and read from Sam Valkinin and watched his Videos in the end it was more fantasy and learning about narccistic tendencies I have and others have and the different forms of narccisim... like the grandiose, malignant, introverted and cerebral etc. From what I read when you consider yourself a narccist you are not one, since they will deny all of it vehemently and apparently this is a rule of thumb. So, not sure what to think about Sam Valkinin etc. I found it at one point to be very insightful, yet also basic shadow work helped me dealing with negative personality traits like arrogance and an inflated sense of self based on insecurities. So, I am not talking about behaviour but personality anyway. It was pretty random to see this so... I thought I leave a more or less thoughful comment depending on how serious this all is.