ValiantSalvatore

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  1. I only meditated for 1h. I will watch the new episode today and do another retreat day where I will meditate longer. I am still strugeling with structure development regardless of internal or external. Shinzen also gave me this advice the first time I talked to him. I will definitely buy the retreat from 9-11 of August. The more Leo talks, the more my observations are becoming a reality because his talk is ingrained in knowledge while I am left with notions and impressions which I reflect and can't talk to another besides a few people about. I feel I can open and change boundaries and this is also a reason why I dislike programmers and rather become an engineer. I don't like the level of consciouness the people around me currently are at. I saw some Hitler speaches already, they are absolutely mind-blowing, tbh I feel even motviated to kill jews as a black person. But, I definitely want to use my physical journal to start planning the restructuring also one friend of mine has his birthday on friday or so, and one of his friends which is an INTP. Is also coming I love this guy since we can actually talk and he has his masters. He enjoys business a lot.
  2. First day: I only did 6h of meditation nothing new. I did one three hour block with 20 min break and again 1h30 meditation, one 1h block in the morning and just now a 2h block to be exact a 1h and 53min block. My brain somehow blocks me from going deep and other factors are my posture or the technique that I am using, I have a lot of sensory clarity, but somehow I feel I lack concentration power and equanimity. But sensory clarity is very very high. If I could know every area in my body, I could describe it as well as I can besides when flow kicks in. Not sure if i will do another 1h, I will do my small workout it rained and I don't know if it will rain again. I don't have a gym sub here.
  3. I'll write my entry later than 12:00 to keep my word. On how I will structure the weekend retreat. Meanwhile I found this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Low_frustration_tolerance Okay, I am not making an extra post. I checked so far what I wanted to check and came to some conclusions first off I'll write some stuff. I don't quite get why or how rather how the guy from unspirituality debunks Leo's video about fixing some child in africa. So, I did not watch both of these videos fully, partially obviously. Yet, the things Leo has been talking about recently seems to be he hit permanently stage coral I assume on the spiritual line. Let's say for aspects self. The point is I already heard people talking about this even crazier stuff, that I can't recall only in the sense of dimensions. Or Shinzen Youngs Makyio experience, I do think that first of all it's impossible and second of all of it is possible. I did not read much into the psychdelic topics around shamanism and their pratices to compare experiences based on historical "evidence" or report. Therefore, I am left with nothing but impressions and notions which annoy me currently. So, I do want to test some of this, since I heard and followed and talked to only ONE, person who says similar stuff. So, I am curious since it is sooooo rare that people conflate, psychedelics, science with science background, and spirituality. Take Sadghuru he disregards psychdelics most likely, but I highly doubt that he did not experience very rare states or experiences if according to him he planned his own rebirth from what I read here on the forum. The point is I had a similar experience which is definitely not that close and I did not use any psychedelics, which I have not done in a year now approx. And the spiritual traditions are to stuck up to talk about such topics, as well as science besides a few psychdelic users. I would love to see Leo talk to a researcher since I currently discredit science a lot, when I take a sample of the level of consciouness of the average master student or even phd, it's part of the problem. Working makes them conscious but rather automatic. I am still not at a point where I feel super conscious, and as I said I want to do a restructuring and re-planning. I passed the second hardest test for me this semester with a better grade that I thought, but it's so different this time because I read the calnew port books. As dumb as this might sound but I tested this with LSD, the more I know the more dogmatic I become since I tend to focus on quality ( which is a mistake according to atomic habits) instead of quantity, so I want to hit that one thing across the ball park or whatever now can ring the bell. Therefore, I am getting the hang of it, but I am missing something which I can find either only through books or through pratice, I can't pinpoint what, besides that frustration and anger are two things which ultimately are obstacles on my path. Yet, I also want to redo the LP course I think, but I am not sure I rather read more more more books. For my retreat I make a small reading segment of 1h for each day, that is enough to get back into some more reading and start on that on monday with my restructuring. Not sure what else to write about besides that I want to do more cbt and visualizations as well, as take one or two days to do the readings of various links I found on the net and on the forum. Also to read the actualized.org textbook since I wrote a lot down during the lpc videos. I know where he has the ideas from, mostly it's not a secret, nothing of this can or cannot be a secret. I mean how dumb am I or you ??? People suddenly want to storm area 51, everyone seems to talk about consciouness, the darknet, pedophile epstein, more and more dmt videos that people start to act as if they did DMT and have a report. I mean if there is something that could instantly give you a pass through every releam in the entire universe, without repercussions would you do it ? Or rather continue living in form. I can't keep track of how many coincidences seem to happen anymore, my dreams have been akward when I get around 6-7h of sleep only. I will look into some performance stuff for now, but it's quite interesting which maps depict what. Hm... I also start to like the perspective ot atheans but 999999999999999999% of people will dismiss this on the forum, since acquisition of knowledge seems to be only by talk and opinions of others, not through someone who shifted through thoundsands of books or did 10000h of pratice or SOMEONE WHO TOOK THE EFFORT TO WRITE AN ENTIRE BOOK. I am quite unsure, what to think of knowledge currently, it seems so pathetic, arrogant, humbeling, fun there is no point adding adjectives because, it is just what it is in this world, with my form, with so many people, with so many emotions, with so much suffering, with so much culture, with so much evolution. But, even when I feel conscious and perceive it. It's insane how unconscious humans still are, which gives me a lot of leeway to make excuses and even get away with it. Also others, yet I want to know and I'll ask potentially shinzen or someone I could feel i'd get an answer what collective unconsciouness is in the spiritual domain. Is it just the average of shit cu** thoughts of the particular space time continum. Is this still to you Green/Purple ? NewAge , WuWu stuff ? I don't know many people who walked the entire path and experienced WuWu Stuff from higher authorities. Funny how all of this in the end mixes till ONE kills it. The point is what Leo is doing is more hyperradical, meditation, science and being a psychonaut, I could not even think of 1000 people doing this so strategically and methodically. I can be wrong also, yet I want to experience some of this stuff again, the kriya experience surely was odd as fk. Weirder then psychdelics for me, since I want absolute lala in a sense but what if some of it is true, there are entire sections of what I did on youtube just because I messed around. How deep is everything connected to one thing. If we are all one, are all thoughts and experiences one ? So if Leo taps into collective consciouness healing a black baby in northen europe, is he one with the mother also who feeds and nutures the child with positive intentions ? It's similar to how I flet I proccessed the dream of my friends girlfriend who slept, and I had this two times, also with another girl. But, the whole point is I could not verfiy it, the other girl I am not sure I told her about it. My friends girlfriend I don't like her and the experience was devlish. My friend denied all of the experiences I had and said he experienced the complete opposite, but I can't somehow trust him on his word but I also do. The point is he does not meditate and wanted to try it and I wanted to try it with a friend so thats that. Anyway here I go with my structure of the retreat attempt 1: Two days same routine approx: ( Usually I would start fridays, but I goofed off/up its off for me.) 08:00 - 08:30 shower, glass of water, 08:30 - 09:30 first meditation session 1h (with binaureal beats) 09:30 - 11:00 mandatory stuff + food ( since I goofed up in the ass today - pls ffs tell me more about collective unconsciouness) 11:00 - 14:00 First 3h block of meditation 1h30 back to back. ( I'll try this ) 14:00 - 15:00 Ih break walk outside to the park or take the bike. 15:00 - 17:00 Try first non psychdelics 2h sit with minimal movement 17:00 - 17:30 small break re-fresh, water, minima amount of food fruits ! 17:30 - 20:30 another 3h block of meditation 20:30 - 21:30 (ideally or 22:00) work out , I am not breaking this habit under no circumstances 21:30 - 22:00 eat 22:00 - 23:00 read 1h wilber 23:00 bed. Day 2: 06:00 wake up 06:00 - 06:30 shower, glass of water 06:30 - 08:00 meditate 1h30 (binaureal beats !) 08:00 - 09:00 eat, walk outside and meditate or review shinzen technique notes 09:00 - 12:00 try first 3h sit 12:00 - 13:00 read wilber 1h, eat fruit, drink water 13:00 - 16:00 3h meditation session 1h30 blocks. 16:00 - 16:30 break, eat minimal amount of food, potentially write online 16:30 - 19:30 3h sit 19:30 - 20:30 workout 20:30 - 21:30 eat 21:30 - 23:00 or 22:30 meditate either to feel postitive techniques or buy the guided meditation that I wanted to do because of this echoing technique ! That would be it for now: I would in total meditate for: Day 1 - 10h meditation Day 2 - 11h30 I think this is good and goes beyond 2-4h of a shinzen retreat. zen retreats are usually shorther the largest amount of meditation session revolved around 4 sehssins a day amounting to 6h of practice a day. With kinhin which I do only 30 mins of or so if even or w/e. I am not familar yet with breathing exercises so my workouts in combination with meditation are limited by my skill there. It will be constricted to only labeling and I will specifically use this time feel out , see out , and hear in. My imagination will drive my away. For pratice I will still go with choiceless awarness, I like this because I am chaotic and I like zen. Doing nothing and labeling is the best of both world for me currently, I also had the kriya experience that way. Partially since it just happend. Enough for now, I will rely on this post and not my bullet journal for the structure, I will put my laptop away in another room and solely use my phone for meditation music and apps or timer. After this I have 8 out of 14 minimum days to achieve tangilbe (significant) results and progress in meditation according to shinzen youngs adivce. I want to attend the retreat in august. On Monday I will restructure I assume it will take more than one day, so I will see. Btw, I also received the internship now fully. Let's see how much I can learn from a prof who "lectured" at columbia lol. (P.S he won't teach ass ) I will only watch this for the retreat and I will see which concepts will still arise.
  4. @tedens Someone in the comments mentioned they do it because of some EU regulations. Not sure why.
  5. The new law is out for handeling the new research chemicals on the market since two days now. I am sharing the link with the discussion and the actual law signed also by the president of Germany. https://www.reddit.com/r/researchchemicals/comments/ceb0yt/new_npsg_released_in_germany/
  6. Finally Leo endorses reading this: http://www.cook-greuter.com/Cook-Greuter 9 levels paper new 1.1'14 97p[1].pdf I've been skimming and reading this paper since two years from time to time. I want to finally transcend the ego fully. Also, Germany is just retarded. They released the new law now yesterday about psychedelics rendering the base components illegal. https://www.reddit.com/r/researchchemicals/comments/ceb0yt/new_npsg_released_in_germany/
  7. Exams are over for now. I am thinking about doing a weekend retreat testing my limits regarding meditation and after that on monday to restructure my entire approach to learning I will write how I will do it either today or tomorrow. And also look into 5-MeO or 1P-LSD and go for it. That is it.
  8. @Rilles That would be nice, other larger cities seem to have a problem with pollution too. I'll check it out. For e.g Paris.
  9. @Rilles y this is what I thought, yet is urbanisation not prevelant? I've been to Shanghai for a couple of days, yet mostly as a tourist. I lived in Beijng though for 6 months. AlsoI visited, Xiamen and the venice of China I forgot the name and the trip was quite random. Would love to see a Green China, they actuslly built the largest telescope not sure when to explore life on other planets. Pollution was abnormal in Beijing. I could nor even see the mall across the street sometimes.
  10. @Leo Gura The youth is quite Orange/Green a bit or normal orange. Yet, yes most are blue/orange with some the elderly seeming to be quiet red sometimes. Beijing even has some green elements mostly through foreigners living there.
  11. I liked the new episode, I asked a friend who finished studying political science she explained the same thing to me Leo did with Athens and Greek and how it was back then. For instance most women where slaves and most men between the ages 25-39 where forced to participate in votings and in the political discourse in Greece / Athens. She also explained various sociological aspects, but nothing including consciouness. I gave some examples with Oshos cult how that has been partially done in the past trying to build a "conscious" community, but that was somehow dismissed. @Leo Gura China is amazing! The gap between the rich and poor is ridiculous I never saw so many rolls royces and masaratis but especially rolls royces in Beijing. In our office they called the "water guy" who brought in water bottles giant, yes that was his actual job he brought water bottles for the water cooler. I have no idea how they do it in larger officies, but that just seemed odd. Since he had a weird carriage. I don't know exactly what happend after Mao, yet a pragmatist called Deng Xiao Ping rose to power and gave the people means to do proper agriculture and techniques how to farm, because Mao forced the farmers to melt their tools iron etc. Just to push the economy and help China to become a world leader. After that they had a lot of famine and millions IIRC died because of this. The social structure of China is way to evolved for the westerners, natural compassion and fialial piety etc. + their history with empires and women and men roles etc. Is very different from the individualistic west. People are a lot more naturally more compassionate and care about their neighbours they truly are holding together. Yet, they see the goverment as God that is what my supervisor told me as I asked about their belives about God and such and for instance if people really ask their parents instead of how was I made how do I grow ? Which is more process oriented etc. (Besides the women and men role which is not very evolved yet , but the way people treat each other is more compassionate and the elderly for instance are able to take care of themselves just because there are some small strucutres like parks or workout things for elderly and the culture obviously playing board games etc outside you can find them everywhere and people eating at night on the streets with some tasty street food) I lived still in a very westerner district called DongZhiMen in Beijing, buying breed in the morning was already and adventure , especially going by subway to work. Still, they don't have any social security or health care if you are lucky the company provides you with that, the goverment as far as I know does not do that. Since, historically the kids were your health security, social security and or rent. Also when talking about politics there are think tanks which are research institutes which create biased or only positive evidence for oil companies and for simplisities sake lobbiests. It's not very objective and more focused on profit and the private sector.
  12. I definitely noticed I can't programm very well, comparing myself to someone who started at a very young age and generally uses phython it's insane how fast he can come up with solutions, this and my whole self-identified story dragged me down yesterday. I don't know why, yet living here in my hometown is depressing for me. If I go out with a bike etc. I can enjoy living here, but having demands on me and thinking about how I worked here in the past etc. I want to do some exercises that help me to get out of victim mentality, also to focus on positive motivation, instead of avoidance. I feel so sleepy like I have not felt in a long time, all I want to do is sleep and I somehow feel depressed. I can't even tell if it is something subtle even like energy in the house or smth. like this. I just don't feel good because I realized that I can't programm very well yet and that my degree did not help me a lot in learning this skill, the script from the professor is the worst kind of shit I've seen in a while and I never had a lecture that was so depressing, all to his benefit. He has more time for other things etc. I also don't like this region I can't stand it anymore. This collective thinking here is driving me sucidial, I am not sure why or how this happens. I just don't want to be near these people. Or hear them speak.
  13. The timer is again active and the site will close in about two minutes. I fixed the problem and impelmented one thing the professor was bickering about, reading again about politics and such wants me to read books. I am very desperate at the moment to get to wednesday and then have two weeks off, where I can restructure and plan everything. I worked out 4 times last week, this is good for not having access to a gym, the food my mom buys is not very good. And this region makes me feel depresive the same for the old house and the situation at home with my grandma, makes me feel uncomfrotable to often.
  14. I don't sometimes get why american politics needs to be such a show, like a talk show or even reality tv. It's nice that the USA scores higher in self-expression values and you can see that reflected in their programms or the variety of people you would meet in new york and such. 10 people in a political debate is a zoo or a circus partially. I mean it's very interesting because it feels so gossipy and there seems to be hype etc. Still compare that with Japan or Germany with high secular values. Or sweden / denkmark who score both high in secular and self-expressive values. For e.g this is the largest german debate I could find it's very calm and everyone is sitting. I don't know if this is history based and knights sitting around a round table. And americans doing a stand off or duel. I like american politics in the sense that it is an event where every one can participate. Yet, it's very odd seeing it from a far I could even vote potentially for americas presidential election in 2020. So, this does partially concerns me, yet it's very different seeing it from a far. I could not for instance imagine trump sitting in such round with for e.g obama, joe bidden, bush and hilary clinton. Not sure what would happen but watching american politics just seems odd, that it is such an "event".