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I think my feelings and thoughts about friends and enemies comes from a place of all these teenage fantasies i built around romance, sex, love and hate. This is where the love for me enemies arises. I don't know why. Part of my life, part of it feels like fantasy. I'm an idealist and partly pragmatist. I weave patterns of both fantasy and reality seamlessly into my life. I don't know how I accomplish this. But I do it anyway. ------------- I'm not sure if this can translate into reality. Of course enemies in real life would want me dead lol. Or at least they would harm me. But my enemies in fantasy probably want to get a kick out of torturing me. ---------- I don't think in real life there's anything like an enemy. It's only someone who is mentally disordered that wants to hurt you. The way I see in stalking situations. Someone being hunted and killed But that's really not coming from animosity. It's just stupid. Why do people hate someone so much, so much that they want to kill? I can never wrap my head around it. Killing in Self defense looks absolutely logical to me. But wanting to kill someone out of jealousy or hate seems so alien and senseless to me.

@BenG it comes in through the underside of reality or the flip side of it and you can have these experiences either if you're really sick or if you almost die or if you take a psychedelic, it can alter things and you can learn to do it that way. It's hard to explain if you haven't had an experience but it's something that I believe that anybody can have, learning about afterlife realms and stuff. The beings that I talk to have said that human beings can learn how to do these things by trying different plant medicines, and different ones have different messages in them and they have been left by alien races to share how to live in peace and die in peace; advance our communication and grow with them. So if you wanted a siddhi all you'd have to do is find the plant that calls to you and feels right when you take it and to go in informed. Siddhis come about in such a personal way; a plant would teach better and know more than a human. My words completely butcher the ability to explain any of what I'm talking about I just can't do it, sorry. There are a few spaces I know of you can learn siddhis in: death, astral, dream, psychedelic - all better teachers than humans. Salvia droid art explains my experiences best but they are physical and mental not so much visual. Death or sickness is one of the best ways to get a siddhi and you will hear many people who have had near-death experiences come back with gifts. ^starts out looking like this place, it's like a great big nothing with stars representing consciousnesses aka beings that have no bodies, just hanging out waiting to share stuff with other life forms. Most of them are in feeling, but some people get full visuals of them.

Dude calm down, you are confused here about what GOD is, God is not some force either, you have a poor definition of God and emptiness is NOT beyond or prior to, if you believe so, I suggest you actually study what God is, an experience is not even necessary in this case. If emptiness is prior to or beyond GOD, then you could call it the magic unicorn- fart alien flying spaghetti monster because it is not real and something you made up just now. Btw, if this is not clear by now, this is my "opinion" you don't have to care at all about what I say. You can believe emptiness all you want, but I sincerely disagree with your conclusions.

I have never been able to process my father's death properly ever since he died. I was just a teen and I felt extremely traumatized seeing his corpse. It was cold to touch. I placed my hand into his hand and slightly lifted his light dead cold hand. It was light as a feather. There was no pulse and his hand was cold. I couldn't understand what was happening. It was an alien experience. I had never experienced a death before. I avoided looking into his eyes because there was something weird there as though his eyes were rolled into the back of his head, something like his eyes going up. The room was very cold I remember very vividly. My suicide attempt was 2 months after his death. His memories would constantly haunt me. I had numbed the pain of his death in extreme workaholism, studies and other stuff. Then came a day in 2017 when I was feeling very grumpy and constantly overwhelmed and tired. I was feeling empty and stressed. I hadn't realized that I was already suffering depression.. That day I decided to pursue shadow work. I kept asking myself a lot of questions. I kept digging deeper into the reasons behind this empty feeling. And then for the next whole week I kept throwing up both physically and emotionally. It would come to the surface, I would keep talking to myself in my room. I would keep blurting out things that were hurting me. My traumatic memories that were hidden for so long came up over and over and over. I just couldn't stop crying. I would cry for hours with a knife in my hand. And that's when I knew what had happened. I couldn't let my father go. I did not want him to leave me so early. I could not process the pain of a disastrous marriage between my dad and mom. All of it had taken an emotional toll on my health. All my childhood memories of my mom fighting with my dad suddenly came like a flashback. I used to feel helpless watching my dad. He was internally moaning in pain. My mother had inflicted deep psychological and emotional wounds on our whole family. She was unempathetic and disgusting. All the events that led up to his death began to play in rapid succession in my head. I realized that he could have lived longer had he divorced my mother who was being a bitch to him. I wanted to fucking kill her in that moment. He had succumbed to his terrible circumstances and I had been completely helpless in doing anything to save him. The tragic memories of my cat came back. I had been unable to save her from being murdered. I began to feel survivor's guilt. I realized where the source of my inner conflict and pain was coming from. It was the cat. It was my dad. Both left me and I felt helpless in saving them. It haunted me for years after they were gone. I think i blamed myself in the most cruel manner. I felt like I was responsible for whatever happened to my dad. I felt like I could have stood up to my mom and possibly punched her and stopped her from ruining my dad. But I was scared of her. I was scared of her violence. She was/is very bossy. It was simply impossible to meet her in the eye. Her face is very threatening to look at especially when she knows I'm not okay with her. She would follow me around like a stalker. Everything had to be done with her permission. She would hit me on the head if I didn't follow her orders. She would grab things out of my hands and throw it on the floor. She would watch me cry and then go watch TV. She would force my dad to eat bad food that would make him vomit. She was a tyrant to him. I felt sorry for him all the time. Because of the way she would treat him Sometimes I would try to stop her and yell at her to stop forcing my dad. But most of the time I felt helpless and alone and unable to cope. I was scared of her violence. I was scared of her over imposing personality. She was/is an extrovert. She would talk to the whole neighborhood. I used to feel anxious and shy and she would force me to dress up. She was extremely pushy to the point that my anxiety kept getting worse. She felt like she was protecting me but in reality her terrible actions and behaviors were doing more harm than good. I needed gentleness and compassion, not marching orders, threats, blackmail, domination, pushing, constant surveillance, nitpicking, constant feeling of being judged, criticized, observed, picked on. She just wouldn't sit in a place. She would hover over and around me like an OCD helicopter. It began to stress me out. She would take her motherhood role a little too seriously and her sense of entitlement as a mother was unbelievably ridiculous. She would even say that as a mother she could do anything she wanted. It was as if she had ultimate authority and control. One of the reasons why I'll hate the word "mother" for the rest of my life. She created an intense shadow in me about the nature of motherhood. There were times I remember that I would constantly watch over my back just to see if she was there or not, everything was anxiety, everything was pleasing mom, everything was fearing mom, I still remember how she would look at me, her demonic stare as though she will kill me if I failed to impress her. I began to distance myself from my mom around the age of 13. I could not stand her overbearing nature. She was acting less like a mom and more like a boss. I turned into a typical rebellious teenager with a bit more rebellion than you see in other teens. I became ferocious. Everytime she tried to dominate me I would fly in rage. I was calm but her toxic behavior would put me in a permanent state of anger and upset. There was absolutely no mental peace around her whatsoever. She would constantly provoke me to the point of suicide. I would tell her to stop and leave me alone but she would stay silent for a few days and then be back at it again. She had made it her mission to give me maximum distress. I was fed up, scared, frightened, tensed, anxious, upset, pressured, pushed, guilted, gaslighted, coaxed, coerced, hit, beaten, abused, punished. If I didn't give her what she wanted, it was time for punishment. I would be brutally punished and harrowed for not giving her what she wanted. I did not feel like a daughter but more like a slave. She would try her maximum to control my every move. One of the reasons why I deeply deeply resent any form of authority or authoritarian behavior is my strong resistance to her enslaving authority. Who the hell was she to decide things for me???? I used to look at her grumpily. I began to resent her and her authority. The more she tried to control me the more I rebelled. It was a vicious loop.. I was ready to die but not ready to listen to her. I wasn't going to be her slave. Even if it meant I had to give up my life. Her constant intrusion in my life made me even more aggressive and defensive. The only way to survive around her was to be aggressively defend myself. She effectively turned me into a wild animal. She raised me into a psychopath. She raised me into an angry aggressive defensive bull. Any time someone suggested me something or told me to do something or decided things for me, it would arouse me to anger, upset, fury because it would remind me of her authoritarian nature. I would fight back hard viciously and lash out. It was either my freedom or my death. I slowly turned from a peaceful into an angry person. This was just the beginning. It was my rage fuelled teen years It wasn't going to end there. After my father's passing, my anger reached its peak point. Now my anger had turned murderous. My psychopathy was in full force. How the fuck can my dad die like that? I wanted to go on a rampage. I wanted to take out my anger on the world. It was me against the world. I could not deal with the pain of my dad's death. I made a firm resolve that I will never let myself die the way he did. I felt on multiple occasions to murder my mother. I wanted revenge. She could sense that I had begun to hate her even more. It was over. My father's death had effectively brought any hopes of reconciliation with my mom to an end. My brain had processed her as the biggest threat to my life from then on.

What I'm sharing and what your asking are really pushing the boundaries of my current depths and understandings, so I'm not great at fully communicating these matters, nor am I a sure I can put this communication in language, but I'll try and maybe I'll use traditional metaphors to hopefully convey what I mean. Neither resonate more. But I do think each has their place at the right time. I think when you do deeply understand on some level that God is prime and by extension of this understand you understand you are thus God, the "You are dreaming/imagining x, y, or z" make more sense, but still there's subtlety in what this means to each awakener confronting this realization, the bounds of which I do not know. For example one awakening to such could see this to mean, they are an alone entity dreaming, which still is concept in my opinion, or another could feel dreaming is happening as a broad entity that is fully connected, but not by a in the moment willing intention, like a human may feel like they are up to when they concentrate continuously on a burning flame, or the awakener could feel like a broad entity that isn't experiencing concepts and experience referred to as "alone" or "together" but understands what ever moment to moment happening is taking place is Gods manifestation. I also think if said awakener is say a Alien of some sort, there will be aspects that are radically different in so called moment to moment experience that may shed Truth on things that are not accessible to a human awakener, even though ultimately neither human or alien is a actual subject taking place. Which again comes to a subtle, but perhaps radical difference in how I see and thus communicate, in comparison to Leo (even though there are perhaps more similarities than not), is God "in control" imagining, or God arising in a particular coconscious/unconscious kind of manner that both learns, adapts, and wills stuff into existence. And as I type this, I can't help but feel its neither of these absolutely, but something that could be said to encompass them all, yet is not bound by nor limited to such graspable notions as this incarnation/mind/human body is only able to imagine (and yes even though these don't actually exist as any particular things). We are all being done by god, and yet this to is a limited idea, perhaps enforcing notions called "determined", "not in control", "arising, "happening". Really a paradox of paradoxes, that isn't a paradox. I think the things we can ultimately take away with certainty as awakeners is nothing is ever out of place or wrongly happening or happened, this event is eternal, and Love is intricately intrinsic. And perhaps one that I don't always like to let in, is that it "may" not always feel smooth, easy or pleasant, and that when it is this way, its not a sign of imperfection.

@JayFueel hahah!!! i would love to believe u r not a troll ... see, mate! u are on the wrong forum i guess. sad to say but, there is no point in attacking your faith. when you believe something with that much of faith as you claim here, all attempts to show you otherwise would definitely fail. you will always find a story to say against it. if you are openminded, i would suggest the same truth.; interpretation and reality are two distinct things. u just saw a light right? so, you interpret that light as jesus. to you it is Jesus. if some Muslim dude sees the same light , to him it will be Muhammad. to a Buddhist he will interpret it as Buddha.. to a scientist, rationalist , it will be some alien or UFO...so which one of these are true! none of them and all of them ! i see you have been indoctrinated with the religious shit and a stage blue thinker. so, turquoise and stage yellow thinking won't change your believes since they are utterly outlandish to your religious ego. i would suggest you to study some hard science and logic first to get to the next stages. see you on the other side mate! much love! .

An appreciated share. I hear ya loud & clear on this. Far as I can deduce, the ‘alien’ channeling, the power going out in buildings, electronics not working / working intermittently of their own accord, the hands ‘situation’, URL’s crashing yada yada, it’s the bigger picture so to speak. Makes sense without (thought activity wise), making sense of it. Seems like the more the show is enjoyed & awfully appreciated the wilder it gets. If you haven’t & are interested, Reiki classes can be excellent for honing the channeling. Symbols are very useful as well.

Alright, so, I'm chilling, eating my dinner. On a microdose of LSD and smoked a tiny bit of weed, vibing, but very low dosage. During the dinner, the following video is recommended to it and I watch it: Around 15:00, the experienced woman guides the Sky Life girl to start channelling this alien energy for the first time. The intensity of the exchange made me cry. Then, there was a guiding to do this myself. Opening my mouth upwards, this energy came through me, and I was speaking some sort of 'words' much like in the video is shown. The experience also came, more importantly, with a 'feeling' and 'images' although these descriptions don't fully justify the breath of the experience. When the experience started, the internet (which always works) lagged through which automatically paused the video. The experience only lasted for around 15-30 seconds. Exactly when I closed my mouth, the internet reconnected and the video continued. This happened literally just now, so wanted to capture the report as it is still fresh.

I Dont know What is Love leo. That Love thing sounds alien to me. Unless you mean romantic/attachment love. But i intuit you Dont Mean that one.

Since November now there are again the concepts collapsing. They cannot be made sense of. There's a sense of wonder and "how the fuck is that happening and even possible". It's also many times about human creation and that something even exists. Dec 3rd: Mindfucking how the sun is up longer in the summer and shorter in the winter. It doesn't make sense. Feels alien.

@JuliusCaesar For examples, when you get older, you answers change over time about a topic. It's like that with Crysty, there's no definitive, quantitative answer that she can give that absolutely answers her existence. So far, it's either she's a ghost, a spirit, a Tulpa, an Alien projecting onto my reality, another person projecting onto my reality, a Deity in disguise, or a mixture of them all. I'm leaning closer to her being either a spirit/Tulpa, that's my intuition, but that's not a satisfactory answer for me. I will have to keep on going with investigating this further for me.

I am a mother to a 7 year old girl, I am currently at uni, one of the best in the country studying Counselling and Pyschotherapy (my passion), I am in a commited relationship, which lacks sexual intimacy and far from perfect, but by far good enough and full of love and connection. I don't have tons of freinds, but a few very close ones that have stood the test of time. I really don't know why I feel like this. I could socialise more, but this tends to make it worse as I feel very alien and also quite bored around most people. (Not on the same wavelength) I either connect with people so well it is like we have known eachother many lifetimes and time ceases to exist. Or I just feel I am going through the motions of converstion to be socially acceptable and polite. But inside my head, I cant stand it and feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Hope this makes sense!

The moment I saw their ad about 2 alien species having inhabited the moon or some shit I said nty

Virgin loser here, 21 year old guy, never been on a date, never had a girl friend, never kissed a girl, never held a girls hand, never held/hugged a girl, never had a girl show me any sort of affection. Listened to Part 1 and Part 2. About to embark on the long journey of listening to the third video now. So I have specific questions about some of the ideas in the videos. I know there's the mega discussion thread on this topic. I will post there as well but I don't want to completely derail the thread with my questions and tangents which is why I've made a separate topic here. Hope that's okay. So I have made a bunch of notes and appreciate Leo and you all talk about this topic because I have found the videos insightful. Warning this is going to be a long thread. So Leo makes a list of reasons as to why you aren't getting laid. 1. Not being social enough How many girls do I meet and talk to a week? Fuck all. I know I need to change my lifestyle. I'm living a very anti-social life. Leo mentions that the pain of being anti-social needs to become more painful than the pain of being social to get me out of my house and into the real world. I think for so long since youth pretty much, never really had friends in high school, I've been alone and struggle to talk with people. I don't know how to go from 0 and to just throw myself out into the world with no experience and no skills. So how do I get out and meet women and girls without being seen as a total creepy weirdo? 2. You're not going out Again, same thing pretty much. I spend all day at home. I need to get the fuck out the house and try to talk to people but I'm completely socially retarded. 3. Not approaching "Even if you come into contact with women when going out you're not approaching." Yeah I wouldn't even know how to go about that. I've never approached a girl and never really even been around women. The idea of going up to some girl and starting some conversation without me being expressing interest in her is alien enough. 4. No flirting skills "Not communicating with women in a romantic flirty way but as a logical friendly business man sort of way." I'm a very logically minded guy. My parents and others have worried that I might be on the spectrum but I don't want to know honestly because if I am I might just give up hope. 5. Not sure what attracts women Here's Leos list of what does and doesn't attract women. Women are attracted to "masculine energy". Strength, confidence, charisma, humour, cocky, funny, wit, fun, adventurous , playfulness and even drama. Take a woman through an emotional rollercoaster with lots of ups and downs. Women like strong personalities and men with passion. A man who expresses himself in a unpremeditated sort of way and exhibits a strong personality authentically. Regardless of the personality. High or low energy, doesn't matter. Just express your personality strongly and assertively and don't hold back. Never be vanilla. Women want deep intimacy. Women love balls, edgy and boldness. Women are obsessed and very attracted to celebrity, social approval, high status. Attracted to guys who have a life purpose more important than them. Moment you put her above your mission you lose. Women love strong eye contact. Women like guys who are fit, well dressed, well-groomed and smell nice. The number one thing that propels women is neediness and desperation. Don't put her on a pedestal and treating her like a qween. Don't be too nice to her. Fear, insecurity, lack of balls and shyness. Women hate men who are immediately sexually vulgar. Fake machismo or strength, much better admitting a weakness than faking a strength. Women are good bullshit detectors. Don't try to be gamey or fake, it's unnatural. Be authentic. Don't brag about yourself, never brag about yourself. It makes it seem like you're trying to impress. Do the opposite (not serious self-deprecation that makes you seem like a loser), make it look like you don't give a fuck. Women don't like boring logical talk or serious guys. Don't be business like with girls you're trying to date. Never force a woman to lead, never ask her where to go or for her to lead. Don’t be creepy ever. Game is all about being smooth and not creepy. Don't put women in a position where she feels awkward. So of the positives to attract women, I guess I'm not really vanilla maybe??? I hope I'd be capable of deep intimacy whatever that means but I doubt it. I'm pretty fit and do a lot of running and lifting but it hasn't helped me. I do dress well and groom. As for the negatives probably shyness and insecurity. I'm not a sexually obsessed or vulgar person. I don't try to bullshit people so that's a good thing. Nor do I brag. But I definitely am the logically spergy kind of guy. 100% if I was to approach a woman I'd end up putting her and myself in a position where we both feel awkward which is why I avoid doing it because I don't want to creep out or make someone else feel awkward. That and I'm a pussy lol. I know you might not care about me personally and my circumstances but I thought if anyone can offer tailored advice based on my traits that could be helpful that would be appreciated. Which is why I bothered saying them. 6. Insecurity complex "Have a victim mindset and think you're ugly etc… That gets communicated to women. If you have this mindset you can't escape. You think, what's the point of even trying and approaching women when I already know they're going to reject me? It's a self-fulfilling you process. Or another problem is thinking that you're not good enough and put women on a pedestal. In part you're not entitled enough. You think you don't deserve attractive women." "I'm too fat, I'm too short, I'm too ugly yadda yadda. Is it because you're short that you're getting laid, or the fact that you're insecure in the fact that you're short and that prevents you. How would you know the difference?" I wouldn't know the difference. But here's where I do go into the incel lookism stuff. In the video Leo mentions that on dating apps it's 90% about looks. That looks are how women judge you and if you don't have the looks you're going to get rejected. Well tinder and dating apps are the real world. Most people today meet of tinder and similar dating apps like bumble etc... So the fact that they have that preference for looks on these apps, why doesn't that also translate into real life? Doesn't that just reveal what women want when they can have it? 7. Not willing to work on yourself "On the other hand you have an entitlement mentality that you shouldn't have to change to get am attractive women. You believe hot women should like you naturally. The slob, immature boy that you are. Rather than working on yourself." At this point I don't really think I or anyone else for that matter deserves anything. Life isn't fair, some people have rich love lives and get everything, several women a day, and are born handsome, tall, good looking and grow up without constant adulation to become charismatic and self assured. Others are born ugly, short, bad looking and grow up with constant rejection and hostility and become isolated and self loathing stuck with masturbation and a computer screen. That aside I do work on myself, I run three miles a day. I work out several times a week. I read a lot, I play guitar. I'm starting to meditate. So what? I don't think women are after some guy whose this self improver. Plenty of women lust after immature boys or even scumbags because they have what I don't. I don't believe hot women should like me for me. I'm just embittered by the fact that no women like me and I don't think I'm a bad guy. When their are plenty of others guys who have far more than I ever will and didn't have to put any effort into getting it. 8. Paralysis analysis "Stuck getting caught in what to do rather than doing anything. Don't think it's too late to start." The fact that I'm not social and not good with women isn't going to solve itself. I need to put in more work obviously. I know that. Writing all this has just made me realize that I'm in paralysis. But I'd rather putting into words what's in my own head and have you guys judge it than leave them there hidden away doing damage without me knowing about them. So in the end Leo gives five steps to getting laid. Well he said he gave five but I think he got lost on a rant and only really gave three. Unless I wasn't paying attention. 1. Envision yourself getting laid and getting cute girls 2. Study the principles of attraction 3. Go out and socialise every week At this point I don't even know what getting affection or girls would look like so it's a bit hard to imagine. I guess I'm studying the principles of attraction now? Again I don't really know how to get out and socialise. One thing that I did find tremendously helpful and made me feel better about myself was though the question. "I'm too fat, I'm too short, I'm too ugly yadda yadda. Is it because you're short that you're getting laid, or the fact that you're insecure in the fact that you're short and that prevents you. How would you know the difference?" Maybe that is true. Also the simple fact that the number one problem is you're not being social enough and that much is clearly true. I'll make another post on the second video in a minute. If anyone has any advice from what I've wrote here it would be appreciated.

He's one of the few people who claims to be able to do what I want to be able to do so I keep getting roped into his posts lol. However, one massive alarm bell is that he seems to think john anthony is the best there is. I've seen john anthony's infields. They are not good! i've seen his 'premium' infields and John Anthony can't seem to convert an girl from no to yes and he can't get compliance when the girls aren't into him. So if the reddit guys hero can't do it, I wonder whether the reddit guy is living in a fantasy land lol. I'd love to see in person someone using variuos methods to take girls home who clearly seem uninteretsed and unattracted to the guy on his approach. It's talked about but basically never been shown. A bit like alien life haha

First things first. I'm not a party girl. Saying it straight. I'm just an ordinary girl on the street corner reading her book or sitting sipping coffee. I'm a shy, introverted nerdy girl who is easily sensitive. I'm not exactly proud of it but this is how I was born, this is my nature and I have come to embrace it. So this party lifestyle is super alien to me. I can't do these things. I can't dress up and go to a party and dance on the floor. I have never done that and most likely will never do. At the most I have only been to birthday parties. I never drink or smoke. I never smoke in my entire life. Loud noise impacts me and raises my heart beat so noisy events are a no go for me. But this does not mean that I am boring. I can dance in my bedroom or a dance class. I love gardening, cooking, working, raising pets, reading, watching, listening, music and travel. I have many other interests and I like being creative in my own meager ways. So whenever Leo talks about partying, I just can't do that. I cannot make myself do it. Do I envy party goers? Do I think that they have more fun in life? Personally I don't envy them at all. Because I always believe people have the right to spend their time how they want and whatever makes them happy should be their choice. If their party lifestyle is fun for them, I'm all for it.. However I don't think that a party lifestyle would make me happy no matter how rich I might be. I'm just a regular,ordinary homebuddy, your average girl. What they call it the homebody. Given my social anxiety and lack of social skills, a party lifestyle could easily make me very anxious. Being around large groups of people lot of noise, booze, strangers all around can literally cause me to panic. I need a foundation, a feeling to connect or resonate with, someone I can trust. I hardly ever open up. So if I open up it has to be with a person I fully trust.

I've met an alien before, I woke up to one in my room twice back in '12. It spoke to me telepathically before disappearing, I think they are in other dimensions altogether. The ones who can reach us, at least.

@Sugarcoat I relate, I'm also a low energy introvert, struggling with self esteem. It's important to realize that everyone is human and has faults and extroversion isn't that unique or special. Just means a person gets energy from around people, socializes easier and has less of a filter. I relate to viewing that from the outside looking in as something alien but don't let that effect your own self esteem. I'm new to the forum as well and I made a first post similar to yours. Leo himself gave some advice and I found the info on there to be helpful and it might help you as well. I think because, when you look at it from an introverts perspective, they do things that we can't because they have no filter. No it was a good vent. Never let someone else social extroversion effect your self esteem. You'll be fine and I'm sure you can develop all those same traits that you admire in others.

@Leo Gura Thank you for the reply. First post and the first reply is from the man himself. Been watching your videos on and off for years now, and have found them very helpful, so I'm deeply thankful and wish you all the best. I think I'm a very introverted person, so I struggle with always being stuck in my own head and analyzing every situation. So when I have to make chit chat with people, I'm always thinking about why I'm doing what I'm doing and saying what I'm saying, and the same goes for the person I'm talking with. I think for me to change my attitude I'd need to get out my own head. The only times I get out of my own head though is when I'm drunk, pretty much. I don't know what my point is. It's easier said than done than to just change my attitude on talking with people when it's basically my personality. Honestly it seems alien to me. I've spent some time around extroverted people who can talk about nothing endlessly, and to me it's as if they're performing a magic trick or something. When I watch people who are good at small talk it seems like they just blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind. They have no filter and the thoughts they have are all naturally the right things to say most of the time. I'm always up in the clouds thinking about weird shit that no one wants to hear, and definitely wouldn't be acceptable to say to some stranger in a grocery store lol. I don't think I'm a very interesting person or that people want to hear about the details of my life so I just don't say them.

That seems true. Asking too much of myself must have been a big part of the main issue. At the same time, though, I did experience this deep kind of emptiness when I did focus on simple things. Like when I was taking care of my financial independence by working at a factory. Of course a lot was going on. The divorce was disrupting my psychological and emotional wellbeing. I worked for 4 months there, but it felt that if my job is not something that makes me one bit hopeful and exited about my life then I seemed to have nothing to get energy from to sort of fill me up, while so many things seemed to have been just sucking me dry. I kept failing constantly at the simplest tasks when I felt this loss of energy. It resulted in these self diminishing thoughts, loss of focus. I would make mistakes and of course that would piss people off, so they would get angry and push me harder and that eventually combined with all the other pressure, pushed me to breaking point. I tried fixing my food, it was not enough, it added like 3 hours of aliveness to my day of which prepping and planning would consume 1.5 hours daily. I tried adding workout to that, it actually required energy to do and there was just none of it to invest into this habit. I remember how I would try to do push ups and my body would just fill up with this feeling of weakness and I just couldn't do it. Nothing really worked. I ended up deciding that I will only go after the things that I truly want. I had to feel that it was only my choice. No one is deciding this for me. Not other people, not the circumstances of the world, not my fears or doubts. Just kept working on life purpose and tried to see if there is anything worth doing in my life. Recently I felt that being separated from my culture had a bigger impact on me than I was aware. I was born in Lithuania, in a Russian family. I feel that I am Russian, but because I had this huge resentment towards my parents, I ended up rejecting my roots and something in my soul just felt horribly lonely. I used to say that I am an alien, that's why nobody really understands me. This is an interesting insight. I visited the church of my families religion yesterday. Something touched me so deeply. I sat intensely sobbing for a good hour and felt this presence with me, didn't feel lonely. I never considered my self specifically religious and that didn't change. Just all the spiritual knowledge opened itself to me much deeper and apparently that is possible through the religion that is connected to my culture. This is a wonderful discovery. I feel so much better today. I will take your advice and focus mainly on financial independence. I feel it will go well this time. Thank you for your reply. @blueberries

@Leo Gura I really think there is a well of insight waiting for you there, You would extract alot out of the experience with that alien crown chakra of yours

@Leo Gura How can I get my hands on DMT, do you think? And how often do you recommend usage? I was using weed all day every day for years and absolutely hooked, but finally quit due to extreme paranoia and life deterioration over the drug and never having enough ... BUT, I was extremely productive and engaged with life also, while after quiting I am somewhat lazy and un-fasinated with daily life, because there's no highs, always sober, even quit cigerettes and just about everything except for porn, and I'm almost a 25 yr old virgin, porn is my one and only obstacle, and I'm aware you created a video how to get laid though I'm not watching another self help book or video how to attract women, I'd much rather drugs like DMT ... Anyways, I want DMT, and clearly you recommend this ... so I'm willing to go on an adventure with your permission, oh dearest ghuru Leo ... *massages your foot and between your holy toes, with your selection from finest oils available* ... I have tried it before without the breakthrough and my God was that extemely beautiful and alien and highly exotic and absolutely magnificent ... Should I conctact someone I once knew for the drug? An old enemy of mine, but he's in a mental ward with injections because of his heavy drug usage an imbalance with our agreed upon social world, so this may spook me a bit because I'd lose it if I joined him in the mental ward ... I crave an adventure with the gods,

Honesty flies the ship here. It can either be from the whole truth, or the kernel. You could go for something over-the-top and funny that's total bullshit, but comes from an honest escalated state. The hard part about humor, if you're deadly serious about it as I am is being non-derivative. Taking into account how many pathetic sex jokes you see at stand-up routines across the country, most people, including an inordinate amount of stand-up comics save the top 2-3% are actually even remotely funny by honest standards. You approach obviously depends on your audience - I'm extremely partial to John Mulaney as a favorite because he's a phenomenal storyteller who knows how to use emphasis to turn an ordinary story into a shocker that's bound to get a laugh. He's also a word-player, which works extremely well with tonal inflection. How you shape and say your lines is five times more important than what you're actually saying. Working from rage and loneliness, while counterintuitive can be hysterical if you're willing to pay the price in confidence, but bear in mind that adhering strictly to this method can trap you in a cycle of self-destructive approval seeking. There is a lot of deep self-inquiry that goes into great humor. The funniest thing I've heard as of late came to me through my awakening experience. The name I was born with means the house built for the love and grace of the gods, and Greco-Norse mythology has always been my interest. On top of that, both my parents are doctors (sworn by the hippocratic oath) so I'm a magnet for these entities during my shadow work. I've learned to befriend and familiarize myself with several. One day I was contemplating the path of my life, most particularly how I'd like to die - dark humor has always been a favorite of mine, and if I can get roasted, even better. Since spaghettification by black hole seems unlikely unless an alien race with superior technology comes to visit us, I figured the most spectacular way to go would be to get a blood eagle on top of Mount Olympus. When I talked to Zeus about it, you know what he said? "Get your fat ass outside and exercise because nobody wants to see your saggy tits on top of my mountain." Ouch. As a post-note, I can unpack this A LOT because this is my area of study, from absurdist philosophy to general wisecracking. Likely more so than Leo (in this area), because art is all I focus on. On top of that, I learned from a young age that being funny enough allows you to get away with everything. Tension, timing and awareness are the elements always at play among others. But I'll wait for a response before I go further.

If there’s an it, most definitely, it is always a thought. This is the good news. In direct experience, ‘my brain decaying’ is a thought, and is not the sensation. The sensation, is the discord, of the thought. It is not possible to spot the misinterpretation, and suffer or experience fear. Keep looking as you are imo. If you were fearing alien abduction you’d be saying “But in my case…” about alien abduction. Everyone’s beliefs seem reasonable to them. It’s how they feel that matters.

Doesn't matter, duality is experienced by creatures without language. Humans aren't the only living things seeing duality. Any experience is duality. A creature eats food, it doesn't eat itself, there's cognition of self and other. This applies to all living things even plants where their "cognition" is alien to us. Nothing in absence of something is never experienced. It'd just be total nothingness. Something does not exist in absence of nothing, because things are made of perception. Remove nothing (named consciousness) and there's no awareness, hence no perception and again just nothingness alone which can't be experienced. All of this is happening inside the appearance of duality. Toad trips are happening inside of duality still. It's just so far from this that it seems to not be. A whiteout would be nonduality. But it's not because you can whiteout and duality continues: See me here. Infinity can't be experienced in the actual literal sense. Only finitude can be experienced. You can easily recognize that the color red you see is fundamentally infinity, but its appearing as something finite which is red and not blue. Your interpretation of it changes so red = blue, up = down, but that's cognition. It is still appearing as something finite.