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About Proserpina

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  • Birthday 03/26/1992

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  1. What will I do next time it/he calls? The Great Hoovering. When there is to be a rebalancing. Do I ignore? Do I surrender? I placed a curse upon its house. How can the Beast learn to love except by a curse? "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty" But I can't. Bitterness will only block the flow. It is not a match. I won't put that part of myself at risk at any cost. Even if that means I have to do jigsaw puzzles and colouring in till I'm blue in the face - as I did during psychosis to hold off bitterness. I won't become bitter at any cost. The Beast can have his way with me.
  2. Analysis: My shadow is DENSE. For some reason. Although highly fluid and open and communicative. Receptive. I would guess that my shadow is dense because of trauma. There are sides of reality I have a great deal of difficulty coming to terms with. I don't entirely understand why it is so violent and angry and sinister. Because it is fluid and open I would guess I must have done something right. Revealing sides of its true nature; the Daimon or higher self. A guide, helpful and receptive. The angelic part of my psyche is trying to assist me to free myself of my shadow. To help me to awaken to reality. Seems to reference Pandora's box. He had a sword of truth during my visions (thank you for being a sword of truth in the darkness). Telling me not to look may be a reference to how I would incessantly feed the shadow during The Descent. I kept feeding it and feeding it with more and more trauma, as it broke me down. I wouldn't stop. The damage I have is pretty bad at this point and the reason for much of the dense shadow. I willingly Descended. Analysis: Shadow is fluid and receptive. Like I said above. Easily shifts. Full transformation. The throne symbolizes integration. Helpful, guiding, awakening. The angelic part of my psyche yet again holds his sword of truth. His eyes are the doors to transmission. Seems to trust that I won't willingly descend now. That I may have learned my lesson. His sword of truth reveals my True Self.
  3. During mystical experience: This speaks of the balancing of the feminine and masculine or a holocaust would happen. I had a gun to my head (metaphorically) to express the urgency of the situation or a holocaust would happen. The energies were very similar to world war 2 Now either that’s my shadow/inner-outer OR the masculine and feminine were out of balance OR both. Likely both. . Feminine: Other-love Echo/empath leaning forward masculine: narcissus self love leaning back I got to the state of self love through my healthy animus/self projection. He leaned forward even though I was leaning forward. A person naturally leans back and stays leaning back when someone leans forward. A positive of active imagination is tapping into these forms. And according to Jung the more you tap in/attempt to communicate, the more you receive (synchronicities etc.). Good luck finding a masculine that leans forward. Good luck finding anyone in fact who remains leaning forward to the extent needed if you are in pain and leaning forward. . I saw in a vision a perfect society where everyone was leaning forward no matter what. It was love. Interpretation of God and not God: When there is an imbalance everyone naturally leans forward subconsciously and around the same time I begin to have visions/projections. Hence the realm of the ‘Gods’ is the realm of leaning forward. Leaning forward is significant, it is heaven and the default orientation of the feminine. Naturally things go downhill as feminine naturally leans forward and masculine naturally leans back in realm of leaning forward. She has to ultimately lean back and he has to ultimately lean forward in the realm of leaning forward.
  4. You think they don’t know this? They are reminded every moment of the day of their inferior genetics. At least they are doing something by trying to relate with other incels, trying to feel ‘normal’ within the abnormal. Incel does not equal the hatred of the opposite sex, it is the incessant rejection and bitterness that grows out of that (which I don’t think I personally have). They are trying to rectify that within an impossible situation.
  5. Incel - frequent rejection, on the spectrum, social humiliation, loner. I don’t hate men. I love men.
  6. I have a feeling there are two layers to this and I am overlooking one layer. I feel claustrophobic and cramped in, like I’m missing something and stuck somewhere. I’m potentially mixing up the layers. There is fluidity/projection/integration work and there is intuition/channeling/feeling of something. Duality, masculine-feminine. There is a divine balancing act that occurs in a blue moon between the masculine and feminine. When the feminine has been misunderstood, beaten down and ignored long enough. Something happens. Something gives way. Fluid consciousness normally occurs simultaneously to this. She is the light to his darkness. His depression. She shines a light ‘when all lights have gone out’. She is called out from her withdrawal. Her unconscious comes out to play around the same time. . “Feminine” may actually be something else. I’m just pointing to something. I know the pieces fit 'Cause I watched them fall away Mildewed and smouldering Fundamental differing Pure intention juxtaposed Will set two lovers' souls in motion Disintegrating as it goes Testing our communication The light that fueled our fire then Has burned a hole between us so We cannot seem to reach an end Crippling our communication I know the pieces fit 'Cause I watched them tumble down No fault, none to blame It doesn't mean I don't desire To point the finger, blame the other Watch the temple topple over To bring the pieces back together Rediscover communication The poetry That comes from the squaring off between And the circling is worth it Finding beauty in the dissonance There was a time that the pieces fit But I watched them fall away Mildewed and smouldering Strangled by our coveting I've done the math enough to know The dangers of our second guessing Doomed to crumble unless we grow And strengthen our communication Cold silence has A tendency to Atrophy any Sense of compassion Between supposed brothers Between supposed lovers I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit I know the pieces fit
  7. As a self identified incel and loner, I can say it is very healthy as it is a form of self compassion. Solitude allows me to recentre and clear out all the voices in my head telling me I am less than. Because I am on the spectrum, I frequently bump up against social humiliation and it burns. I need frequent time to myself to recuperate. P.s. even though I am am incel and loner, I am in a relationship and spend most of my time with my partner.
  8. I think the word ‘projection’ has been overly and wrongfully demonised. Projection, just like hallucinations and dreams can be a powerful and useful tool in the toolbox of integration and mindful and loving acknowledgment of unconscious content. ‘Delusions’ and projection are deeply tied to a fluid malleable reality, a positive thing according to Bashar. You just have to realise that there is a difference between the realms.
  9. I don't want to become too lost in Jung's theory, ultimately ignoring my own experience. My own experience is paramount. However his work is a potential glimpse into how to reach my goal, which is what all this work is for. Visions influencing reality. Fluidity. How to get there? I'll need: Wellness and balance on all levels. I need to be freed of this order on me. Passive work in the mean time. Study. Particularly Carl Jung's work. Amplifying aspects of mania (don't consider my mania pathological) like sexuality and healthy grandiosity . I think writing out my own experience (however 'wrong') is helping me to understand other teacher's perspectives and the significance of their teachings. I have difficulty because I'm on the spectrum but writing helps me to raise in density and social awareness through self awareness. I think being on the spectrum can make it really hard to understand the significance of your own experience and awakenings. You lack context and reference. . Goals: Fluidity Visions influencing reality Integration Transmutation Preparation, awaiting for the capacity to strike. Using my time wisely. Balance inner, outer, inner-outer
  10. I agree. @Loba your work is deeply inspiring. The further I get into this work the more I realize the less I know and the more inspired I become by people like you, masters at your craft of shadow work, individuation and channeling. It's a pleasure reading your work.
  11. Had a nightmare. My mum (who died from brain cancer) was screaming at me in a call: Eva, I’m sick. I’m lost in a cave. I can’t find my way out. It felt like a recording of her soul just as she got sick before the brain damage.
  12. "All things are Spirit vibrating at different frequencies. Matter is solidified energy. Matter is Spirit energy vibrating at a slower frequency. Your body is solidified Spirit, crystallized Spirit. Your Spirit is not in your body. Your body is in your Spirit. As you raise your vibrations, you become more Spirit-like, moving closer towards fluid-like Spirit, thereby making your reality creation more malleable and easily changeable." This is a significant quote. My visions would coincide with a keen awareness of spirit, like it overwhelmed my experience. "You must "see" the reality you prefer as now existing in the moment. Then, it will become tangible in your outer reality." Inner - consciousness, spirit, belief, thought, feeling, intention
  13. Whatever happens in the inner-outer happens in the inner and outer. The inner and inner-outer and inner and outer are not strictly separate. It all flows together. Which is why delusions occur, when you can’t separate it and you are unbalanced. It’s not just in your head. When I repaired the inner-outer I repaired the inner and the outer (there was evidence). Nothing is separate and yet, it very much is. So be subtle and remain balanced and positive in all undertakings regarding the inner-outer, inner and outer. There was a counter reaction/balancing within the inner when the inner-outer was balanced. Just as there was a counter reaction/balancing within the inner-outer when the inner was balanced. They interact and communicate.
  14. Focusing on ‘well’ days which is just a reset (from the habit app Intention) everyday. Aiming for a percentage of above 50% in the habit app Loop. Also Self compassion meditation. Well day 2 - percentage 10%
  15. Finish, establish the basics (wellness) it will return, it's already yours. You can't go backwards. If you can't access it go the next route: Self compassion, self non judgement. Warmth. Turn your gaze upon yourself. Strengthen your core so you can be of service. The love will return.