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Siddhis are of love, healing, and time & attention on other than your ‘self’ & ‘self’ interests. They are only thought to be outside of the ordinary because of the present apparent state of affairs in the place. Heal your ‘self’, and these “superpowers” are revealed to be perfectly natural. Of course, paradoxically full circle, this is the greatest of all Love and experience. This involves actually meeting with people...also something perfectly ‘normal’, which apparently does not seem to be the typical view these days. ”For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” I would add to that, flowing through every cell, nerve and thought, as what can only be pointed to as Love-Bliss.

I saw them a while back going through my Youtube, I laughed so hard because I see they are so ignorant, and their ignorance is bliss. To me they are only making fun of themselves. So try that perception.

@Someone here I did not become conscious that all infinite potential will become actual. It felt more like I experienced a sliver of infinity, but I immediately knew that sliver was infinity. Like traveling into a fractal. I also had no notions of alternate realities, it felt more like reality was being bended rather than me traveling to other realities. @bejapuskas I wonder why you believe this. I more so meant that historically I have not been very creative/expressive, nor have I historically identified with being a creative/expressive person. @jimwell I know right. One reaction it's all so beautiful and meaningful, but my reaction is that of despair. It really sucks because I put all my faith into "enlightenment" (whatever that means lol) to make me feel better and give me life purpose and bliss, but now its the source of ultimate despair. Also sorry for pulling you out of "permanently leaving this forum", but also not sorry <3. Because we aren't supposed to be talking about this, I'll try to answer as properly as possible while staying within the guidelines. Everyone loves cryptic messages right? I've already stated what caused this experience, and I don't know anything more specific than what I've stated. The first time I try something I like to try it in the most basic form. I wouldn't want to put myself into a possibly dangerous situation alone. I also prefer not to drink when the sun is out. Generally, I prepare for traveling by doing a little bit of work over the course of a couple weeks leading up to the trip rather than cramming all that work in right before I leave. I think what I experienced is nothing compared to the other experiences people here have had. I think others would have far greater advice than anything I can produce.

It's not that I claim to not need to do that. I'm just not sure I am doing it right. I am not sure what this feeling of being a "me" is like. I'm not sure I am resting awareness on the me. Is it the same as "being aware of being aware"? What is the "feeling of being a me" without thoughts? Is it part of the method to struggle doing that? In that case I'm doing it right, if it's "being aware of being aware" that is the "me-ness" outside of thought/concept/percept's. @Someone here Yeah well, it's like I know there is nothing to do. That I could do things, but I just don't feel the need to "go anywhere"? I don't feel the need to find chase anything, including awakenings. Not even love. A part of me still does, out of "functioning reasons". I am not used to function without needing to get anywhere. @Mu_ That "state" I am in came from the fact that I had a non-awakening (without changes in perception) realisation that the "thing" I was trying to enlighten was already enlightened, awareness doesn't care. Do you have any things I could read about this integration phase? I know that adyashanti talks about this. And I just don't know what to do. I know what I could do, which is deconstructive mindfulness and reconstructing love. But I also have the freedom to just do nothing. I had a sober "heaven" realisation a few weeks before the enlightenment-realisation (I call it liberation, because it's more neutral).So I know it is possible to perceive the world like that. When I was into that state, I had no intention to try to keep it up. And afterwards it's only the thoughts that wanted to go back there. But now, I am not really motivated to do things to be in that state. I wouldn't mind it. I would in fact love it, but I don't want to do something to get there... Okay, that's not entirely true I'm curious how to get there and how to get other people there actually. It's just not that big of a deal let's say. I know that the thoughts are reactive, but the reactive loop used to get me the motivation to go towards "feeling good" and away from "feeling bad". Is there a motivation of being possible? I would intuitively train to find love in everything I do, just for doing things right, but I'm also okay with not feeling love. @Tim Ho I wouldn't call that "down", it's actually really liberating and calm, but confusing. I might need some time to adapt to that. How do people who are in bliss all the time get themselves to do anything? Habits? Empathy? If there is nowhere up to go, or no need to go anywhere? There are still things to do, but it's like getting a donkey to move who isn't hungry for carrots. (I am the donkey)

I had a Kundalini rising, that was the most intense Bliss I ever experienced. There is a part in Sam harris book "waking up" where he talks about ethics and a Guru who was told by his master "as long as you are awake, there is nothing you can do wrong", so he convinced heterosexual men who followed him, to have sex with him, which might have been a method to subdue the ego. But that of course resulted in dozens of people getting AIDS from him. @Leo Gura Maybe a good read for Connor would be Sam harris book "waking up". Sam example of a guru who thought he couldn't do anything wrong if he is awake. Including sex, and giving people AIDS.

I agree with this. When there is creativity or creative challenges, the sexual urge diminishes on its own and one surprisingly becomes oblivious to it. I have also read about the ancient Greeks in the Olympic games practicing celibacy to enhance their physical and mental strength. Same with eastern martial artists as well as international football teams prior to a competition. So people instinctively connect celibacy with greater strength and energy through experience. Sexual release brings with it mental and physical fatigue earlier and one lacks the energy to pursue meaningful activities . Eastern psychology associates celibacy with greater physical and mental energy, along with memory power and mental strength. The sexual energy, if properly controlled and channeled, gets transformed to higher states of consciousness. But as the others here stated, it is something that should be done with awareness and mental equanimity. Spiritual exercises done in early morning can help to bring about the necessary self-discipline needed in this regard. The bliss that comes with practice of awareness or meditation, can also help to reduce the intensity of sexual urges, as the bliss is much superior to sexual pleasure and consequently one gradually loses interest in it.

After some events in my life I had an extensive insight about myself. This insight kinda formed in multiple parts and some of it is extremely depressing and some of it is extremely relieving. First of all. My joy of playing guitar and recording/composing is under constant threat, due to a few people who want to make my life "hell". I can't touch the instrument consistently or for long periods of time, and I don't think I would even find an appartment for that, like ever. Knowing what kind of obscure music I would like to produce and just about how much time I would have to spend to track the instruments and spend time with the instruments. And all that for 10 people listening. And I want to play nothing else than my stuff. Its that or nothing. Second thing is the fluid identity due to personal development and some basic enlightenment work. I can acquire the tastes I need for more practical work that needs to be done. Doing something that the world actually physically needs to benefit the collective. I am talking about things like recycling, working around charity, poverty, education of such topics e.c.t., my selfish desire for that music I would like to produce is not what we need in the world if there are too many miserable people due to their inabilty of survival. I really can drop the desire of music, because I underestand that, first of all - the problem of regret is a fiction, because you don't really underestand live and are somehow navigating it making decisions big and small, so why do you spend so much time projecting a different outcome - that is delusion literally. And will sometimes feel regret when you have a bad mood. "Ohh, I wish I did the thing A, when I chose B and the other way around." The actual happiness is another component or more like a basis on where you should act. I don't identify with any desire or dream too much, because I distinctly know the actual bliss is not too much related to action, but more like with what ideas you cherish about you, or maybe none at all. Due to this experience, If you direct your desire into something and due to clarity, you are more competent on doing so, because there is less wavering, then basically anything you do will be just fine over time if you commit to it and with self-purification alot of grudgery will be in balance and in taste with you. Having said that, I would rather look for what I need and what the world needs. I need to be more established in myself to solve the problem of lifetimes while nobody around me has any idea about it, and to sit for long hours and self-reflect, will require for me to quit music. And the world obviously needs joyfull and blissfull people who retain the capacity to be happy and productive no matter what garbage you put on them. Third thing - too much enlightenment work too fast (maybe). The moment I underestood the notion of such a thing and what experience it creates, and that it deepens, then really the only consistent thing above all, especially as a response to suffering is just to sit and keep quiet and work on my freedom. I have had such experiences completely sober, and it is happening more and more, especially in days where I sit for longer times by myself. Even tho I get lost and distracted I inherently know of more and more what to do. So more relentlessly and frociously over anything else I want to do just that. The experience created literally makes me feel free like nothing else. Another thing is - desire and delusion. This is fairly simple, you will never ever satisfy your desires for something, you will just keep wanting more and more, you will take more and more bodies not knowing why and keep desiring, my question for that is, what is the point of that. And another one - the deep problem of knowledge and memory - this will leave you wanting for enlightenment and dropping everything else if you are internalizing this constantly. The problem is this - no matter what you do, will it have any point of reference? Can you retain that achievement, event or experience, and for how long. It has been said that we are threading along 6th human civilisation after wiping it out 5 times, millions of years till the modern human and billions of years of the universe + the cycles of the universe before that. Do you remember where you came from? Before this birth maybe? Do you even remember last 10 years, 1 year, 1 month or yesterday as it really happened? Already some corrouption of immagination has entered those. What meaning will your years of success and achievements will mean whatsoever when the continious suffering will anyway happen because of internal unfullfillment due to trying to extract maximum pleasure of life and projecting expectations and delusions how life should be, while you don't know anything about yourself and life really, no matter how much knowledge you have; the knowledge you have will anyway fade away and you have to use your mind to have it but the quality of cousciousness will be there for you as you at least. So 99.9% of us are running for desire, not knowing why, what for this creation, what are they for and the obvious fact that no matter what they do, they can enjoy that for a very limited time and they can't take anything earthly with them, including everything percieved as sensory experience. Having said all of that, I am kinda more and more done. Freedom is what is consantly in my mind, the strive for self-purification is all I want, everything else is just more suffering. I don't mind doing something to survive, I can self-reflect there also, but I don't think I will be doing anything extra, unless I really feel that the world needs it. I also disagree with Leo with the fact that spiritual masters are not always happy. 99% of the time they are in my observation. Maybe even 100%. The grace of such beings reveals it to me, their attitude of not taking life seriously to an extraordinary measure show the depth of th capacity of dynamic happiness, that is reflected in their bliss. Then I would ask Leo, about acessing higher states of consciousness sober. And single sentence phrases like I am dreaming all this stuff up or states of consciousness are immaginary as everything else does not count.

When the ever expanding and unlimited real self (ATMAN) of a Human Being his/her SOUL is mistaken as something limited and static it can be termed as EGO or self-identity. What is this "ever expanding" self, what is the point of it? The point of this ever expanding self is to become one with, what you can say GOD. The finite becoming unlimited/infinite ultimately realising both are same. Now from where that mistake is ever arising? It's arising within the ingnoramus, the whole point of being a finite individual, the DHARMA of every finite individual is to progress from that finite stage to a stage which has no limit which you might term as INFINITY, and the whole point of realization along the way is to realise that for which an individual is striving for, is no other than what he already is, now with that said shouldn't stop us at the very beginning saying when it's 'ME', what's the point of going down the way, also it's like asking What's the point of living life? Now that I'll leave on the individual, what else will he do if he is not ready to live his/her LIFE? The point to realise is that when you say/term something as infinity or understand the ever expanding self, that in itself has all sorts of pain and failures waiting for you down the road, it's surely not going to be all ROSES, suffering is as real as happiness or being good or living in bliss is. I advocate the philosophy that our ego is never static, it is dynamic and is ever changing, the more you learn the more flexible/mature it becomes the less you learn the more stubborn it becomes. The more you move from Ignorance(even that is not static) to knowledge the more flexible you'll become and thus becoming more "grounded" in your real self. There is some problem in this statement itself, There's nothing to grasp in the so-called direct experience, What do you mean by Direct Experience? If you, me or anyone had experienced something "Directly" , why such doubt then, and what's there to 'GRASP', it is what it is, which is direct is DIRECT, no explanation is demanded/required thereafter. If you had to begin with your Spiritual Teachings and teach an ignoramus, and if you start with- "You are not what you think you are, this Ego/Body", haha, this is like telling a noob mountain trekker to trek Mount Everest, this is like hitting him/her on his/her head repeatedly and forcefully commanding that you are going to trek Everest today itself, either you do that or you know nothing or you are NO good, But in actuality when you say "Direct Experience" it is to first experience the ground where you are either standing or sitting on, primarily, then we shall move forward, first and foremost thing is to accept that I don't know, and this limited self EGO/SELF INDENTITY is what I currently AM, and I'm going to seek my higher self, first and foremost thing is to embody your finite being, your EGO, then only you can make the case to nurture it for a more mature one and ultimately realising that from where you started and whatever stage you will be on, is no different but the same from where you started,in the sense that you must become as directly conscious of the fact of being an EGO as being a GOD. As for thoughts and memories these are just concepts, I like to see memory as the storage device(non-volatile) on my smartphone which I can visit whenever I want to access my stored files, this function in the brain is performed by synapses, the whole idea of past, present and future of TIME in general arise from here, this is as per what I have read until now in certain theories. Whereas thoughts are just like notifications in our smartphones (volatile memory). Personality is just another fancy concept, I won't go deeper into it and will end by just saying, the word came from the early 20th century: Latin, literally ‘mask, character played by an actor’. Even playwrights wrote whole lot of plays in antiquity in and around a particular characters, different characters in different plays, but the writer being the same, these are the roots of the term PERSONALITY, the term sounds cool, huh.

@Javfly33 ? i had some pretty bad ego backlash myself.... It took me weeks before i could even function properly. Of course i could have also just went and lived in a cave and meditated 24/7 and bliss out rather than going back to my job and society....;)

In Abrahamic religions, there's not much emphasis on Karma as in this realm. Everything will be settled in the afterlife by Allah, the Just. People always used to object to prophets about Karma, I suppose that's because it was the popular belief back in Purple societies before Abraham. At some point, people started waking up to the fact that Karma is impossible to prove and that it goes against direct experience. People saw criminals who actually got away with their crimes and lived in materialistic bliss, and they also saw poor people who were oppressed and tortured with no one and nothing to consolidate them. Karma - that popular Purple belief - stopped making sense. And they had to come up with Allah and the afterlife.

What do you guys think about this video? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xUhykPHgkc Have any of you experienced it? I did, and here are my thoughts about that topic: It was my heroic psilocybin dried mushrooms trip (11-12g). The first part of it was just pure bliss, ecstasy, gratitude that I can experience everything, that I can sense, feel, hear, wow, my mouth was opened and I was just crying out of happiness. The second part of my trip was "a little bit worse". I've seen the so-called "the Void". It was horrifying - an endless strange loop, that is stuck with itself, within itself, forever, since always and it can never escape itself because there's no place to run. We, as God are just lying to ourselves, to then convenience ourselves it's not the truth, we are deluding ourselves that we are human, just to escape ourselves, and so on. My question is like this - if (as Leeor says) both of them are true, what is the Truth, really? Is it like - there is just emptiness, the void, the paradox, the loop, the silence, that just amuses and is deluding itself with endless stories, endless realities because it's better than this horrifying Void? Basically - are we living in a fucking Matrix? It's like being conscious of the fact, that we are just a high as fuck dude, that thinks he's a Jesus Christ or something when in reality he's just a deluded high as fuck dude. Greaaaaat, that's what I was looking for my whole life?

@neutralempty Yeah imagination is much more nuanced than people realise, memory and intelligence, also nuanced, naturally overlap with imagination and imagination they, but they're not synonymous, this is a geometric interplay, its not as simple as saying its "all imagination", not even that its "all intelligence", although its more the latter its not from the strictest sense because there are things that both memory and imagination do in the context of both one another that are arguably not all that intelligent, though some of those things may still be useful to specific forms of imagination and memory itself. For the former, level of detail has a bottleneck regarding its utility for intelligence, after a certain point the extra detail isn't going to aid in the context of problem solving but for the sheer value of creating a realistic experience that augments our perceived consciousness it does, and thus may have both pro's and con's for our psychology. The same too for hyperthymesia or "superior autobiographical memory", given this isn't coupled with processing power, its utility is proportionally useless, because of course the more processing power you have the more useful having more memory becomes, while at the same time having at least an average memory is useful across all scales. Unless you've been socially ousted by your peer group in the 1300's for stealing a loaf of bread so now you'll be beheaded, the less you remember about the incident and the upcoming beheading even during the process perhaps the better off you'll be from a general happiness perspective. This is of course how popular, albeit idiosyncratically typical to a bemusing culturally impoverished society, adages like "ignorance is bliss" came to light. Interpreted properly, its not that ignorance is bliss, its that someone just has an easier time of forgetting the pain, but the pain is still there nonetheless unless they're being cared completely for by social nets. To the contrary, all things held equal, although it can be a double edged sword, in many instances in light of the suffering and realignment people need to go through, the lack of imagination is most certainly not bliss in these instances, the ignorance (+ capacity) of which often comes at the cost of recovery. Just as its been postulated that virtual reality can be a form of treating people with various phobias to other so too the harnessing of or building of a powerful imagination for strategic self-interested, self-actualising purposes.

@Adamq8 This message gives me a lot of hope. I like how you said "deep down you know", because it feels like this is something I can't forget, and additionally like its something I've always known. When I was in the middle of the bad trip, its like I knew that I was always this awareness and I would tell myself "you can always come back to this" and "you have always been this", and I experienced the infinite cycle of forgetting and remembering the ultimate truth about who I am. My reactions to that experience are ones of lonely oneness and despair, but I hope that with time I can flip those reactions into connected oneness and bliss. I'm still very uncertain, but your words give me hope that there is light somewhere in this dark void. Thank you.

I feel you, bro. Once you go through a certain point, there is no going back. Metaphysical realizations tend to be scary at first, all you need to do is do your best to integrate it. Practice presence, like you, are in the center of a hurricane. Doesn't matter what happens, just practice presence, acceptance, and love. I am also in a place where Reality became so fluid it is scary like i am perpetually in a microdose of shrooms or something. It is hard to ground myself in such a fluid context but what can i do besides continue to try? It is not like you have a choice like it was said to you: you are falling, groundless, you can scream in despair or you can bliss out in pure acceptance. Think like this: how would a Master Zen or Buddha deal with this situation? Have you ever thought about the perspective of a spiritual master? Do you think he lives in a groundless reality or a material one? He is probably experiencing a constant mindblowing Reality but keeping his shit together by flowing with it as a non-stop meditation practice.

Depressing dark nihilism, I experienced earlier today. Similar to the dark night of the soul that I had experienced 5 years ago. When I look back at my life, all the physical troubles that I went through pale in comparison to the psychological troubles. I've had my share of both kinds but believe it or not, physical suffering is nothing compared to the psychological. Even though it may seem like quite the opposite. When you talk about it; words don't do justice to either of them. When I talk about physical suffering, people think it's terrible, catastrophic, and unbearable, when that would actually be an exaggeration. It isn't really horrible as it sounds. On the other hand, psychological suffering is really, really, really terrible. I can't stress that enough. It's always underestimated, and sometimes it's literal hell, no kidding. Because most people don't experience the most extreme levels of psychological suffering, such as the dark night of the soul, people tend to assume that physical suffering is the worst thing that can happen. Physical suffering is much easier because it's affected by your beliefs about it. You can endure hardships if you have certain beliefs about reality. You can make physical sacrifices. You can even enjoy the pain sometimes. Think about ISIS soldiers and how they live in the worst physical conditions there is as a form of Jihad. They don't feel bad about it. They actually believe that they will be rewarded in the afterlife, and that makes all the suffering disappear. I've been a Muslim and I know how beliefs work. However, psychological suffering is very different. When your beliefs about reality break apart. When your whole world comes crashing down. When your mind becomes your worst enemy. Even if you have everything and all the money and power in the world, you will not be able to buy your way out of it. The mind won't take bribes. The slave becomes the master. It will torture you. It will humiliate you. It will make you submit against your will. You won't even know what's happening, and you cannot avoid it. For me, it was brutal. On top of all my physical suffering and several years of depression, a hearbreak, a realization of no free will, and an internal conflict between theism and atheism, an existential crisis took place. That was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I don't remember how long it was, but I do remember that I wouldn't wish it to my worst enemies. Endless suffering with no one there to help me out. I would wake up at night and cry sometimes with a terrifying fear of death (there were no lights most of the times due to the electrical damage caused by the war). I would wander in the streets, and look at the moon and the stars and wonder in pain: Why the fuck?! What do you want from me?! Why did you create me if you're gonna torture me?! I was never suicidal, but I wished that I never existed, and sometimes that I would die to get rid of the suffering. Until I discovered meditation. (I'm out of words now; when you taste bliss you forget all the suffering, and vice-versa).

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. I really appreciate it. And I really need help. I am in a horrible place, and I don't know what to do. It feels like complete & infinite existential doom. I'm hoping that someone can act as a guiding hand of light in this time of darkness and despair. Little bit of backstory: I'm 25. I had a great childhood living a life of enjoyment. At age 21 I moved out and got a job for the first time, where I absolutely hated the 9-5 and got spiraled into meaninglessness and depression. I've been battling that ever since and for about a year now have been taking the spiritual route seriously. About 3 weeks ago I decided it was time to try out magic mushrooms to see how that could help me on my journey to self discovery and healing. The "good" part of the trip: oh my god it was amazing. I took 5-6 grams of the mushrooms, and the first thing I felt was lightness and energy. All my fears, worries, and problems melted away. I was floating through my experience full of love and joy. Bliss. The "bad" part of the trip: oh my god it was like nothing I ever experienced. It's like the line between imagination and reality was erased, and my imagination was reality. Reality would seamlessly shift and transform like my imagination would seamlessly shift and transform. For instance: my girlfriend was driving us home and I thought of watching one of Leo's youtube videos and that became my reality. My reality was the awareness of Leos video, and that reality was me. Leo would tell me to wake up and suddenly my reality would shift to pure colors and transform into taking with one of my friends. As I was trying to talk to my friend and tell them I need help because I don't know what's real or who I am, I suddenly KNEW that my friend was me and that there was no need to explain anything to him. That reality would then fractalize and I would travel through infinity and experience infinite cycles of knowing and forgetting the truth. I would then come back to this reality, but this reality was no longer real. I felt complete oneness with my experience and completely alone at the same time: like everything and everyone was merely something I was imagining and that I was the only real thing. Knowing that filled me with complete existential despair. I just wanted to die, but I knew that ceasing to be was impossible, that even if I died in the "real" reality, that "real" reality wasn't even real and wasn't me. That if I tried to kill myself in "real" life, it would merely be me imagining shooting myself in the head and continue shifting and transforming realities. These shifts and transformations in reality occurred for a good 6 hours and I felt completely alone, horrible, and eternally doomed. The aftermath: I was so happy when it ended and I came back into being me. I remembered a little about the trip, but not much. I couldn't understand what I experienced and it felt like I couldn't even remember what it felt like. It completely shook me though, because that sense of aloneness. And I could tell I had a sense of dread in the background. Two weeks later after I felt pretty content and integrated with having that crazy trip, I decided to do a lighter dose of magic mushrooms (about 3.5 grams), and I started feeling like I was losing my grip on reality again. But rather than having another reality bending experience, I instead un-repressed the memory of having my reality bending the first trip and I was able to completely remember what that felt like. Now: I am completely full of existential terror, dread, confusion, and despair. I feel like nothing, including myself, is real and that there is no point of existence. That there is no meaning to a completely imaginary singular reality in this sea of infinite imagined realities. And worst of all: I feel like I am eternal and that I can never end. And oh my god I just want this all to end. I can't handle what I experienced, I can't handle KNOWING that all of this reality is imagined and everyone else is just my imagination. I can't handle knowing that I am the only thing, that I am god, and that I am infinite. I just want it all to end, for me to disappear, but I know that's not possible because on the trip I've already disappeared in this reality. My stomach and heart feel like pits of suffering, and my soul feels like its writhing and exploding in agony. I've been feeling this way for 4 days now trying my best to just feel the feelings, but this dark night of the soul feels like it has no resolution. Its like I've peeled back the veil of reality and seen the truth, and the truth is infinite, alone, and despairing. I can now remember the trip whenever I want, but because I can remember how I felt and what I knew during that trip any notion of who I am and what is real has no ground. Everything feels fake and imaginary and I feel trapped in this hopeless meaningless ride of existence & nothingness. Everyone and everything in my life is just something I am imagining and I'm completely alone. I am in complete hell. The truth is complete hell. I want to end. Watching Leos video about his radical explanation of reality only added to my feeling of doom. This man I looked up to and resonated with just told me that all my greatest fears, and that my existentially dooming reality was all true. I can't handle infinity. I can't handle being god. I can't handle being alone. And nothing I do is pulling me out of these depths. I'm so scared. I'm so unbelievable scared. I've had fears of being eternal since childhood and all I feel is complete doom and despair. I don't know what to do, and I can't cope. I'm so confused and so hurt. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you can help me through the darkest night of my soul. I love you and wish for the best.

Thanks serpent for giving us the fruit so that we can say stuff or creation is bad or badly. Otherwise we would have thought everything's good. Think how annoying this bliss would be.

Thanks for everyone replies! I am already about a week into NoFap. I don't even want to call it NoFap or anything, I was originally just practice letting go, but I guess I'll let go fapping for real. What I have seen is that it is less waste of a time. And also,, my dick feels new lmao. As far as the 'not fapping while i can' thing goes, I think I can achieve same (even greater ofc) bliss thorugh meditation and all that spiritual work. How I know this? Cuz I have been there done that before. It's better than sexual orgasm, so maybe I should just quit being such a slave to survival (always am, but I want to atleats quit some gross manifestation of that survival insitinct). I'll stop counting from now on, counting will only keep my focus on it.

@Lyubov Nah, Sadhguru is all about spreading mainstream appeal to spirituality. I don't think he's actually trying to teach everyone how to become liberated. I've heard him say openly that he isn't, but that he's giving everyone a way to slowly get there and not regress in spiritual progress they've made. He used some analogy that most people are playing a game of snakes and ladders, with enlightenment being the goal at the end. And he seems himself as giving teachings which remove the snakes. But it's up to you how quickly you reach the last square, he doesn't see himself as teaching you how to get there. Since he's hindu, I'm presuming he thinks you'll get another lifetime or something to carry over your progress in this lifetime. I'm not sure I believe that You know, psychedelics aside, sadhguru might unironically be quite close to Leo in his view of things. Sadhguru is always talking about chemistry, the "science of bliss" , getting the correct neurochemistry, all that. ____________________________________________ (idk how to delete boxes on mobile)

Collision with the Infinite by Suzanne Segal Honestly, one of the best books on enlightenment for me. Not a typical airy-fairy book about bliss and happiness and rainbows. Rather, she describes that enlightenment can be a brutal process without a proper context and groundwork.

I had this realization recently after some feelings of pure joy and then followed by pitfalls of “dark nights of the soul” for about a year and a half I would hold onto those feelings of bliss or timelessness. Emptiness or heart filled sensations or third eye or crown chakra openings. I finally got it though. I am powerless. Things are happening and all I can do is surrender deeper. Even the word surrender isnt anywhere close to the meaning because even that is just happening. Life isnt here for utter bliss or even utter suffering. I start experiencing these new feelings and its like I want to freeze myself in place and stay in that state forever, but thankfully that did not happen. Even the suffering has its place. Even the moments of doubt and the pain. Its all life. Its amazing. Its happening. Maybe tomorrow Ill feel differently. Thats part of it. Thats amazing in itself! I was chasing Awakening but The point of life isnt to awaken. Im open to it. Im open to awakening if it happens. But Ill also love whatever else comes at me. I have no choice after all. (Choice and no choice arent totally true either)

The ego/self would believe there to be an incredible firework show where all the secrets of the universe are revealed and instant bliss attained. Everyone has a different experience. Here it could be summed up as ordinary and extraordinary simultaneously. But to answer your question better, yes gradual awakening is often the case. A slow gradual understanding of the mechanisms that create suffering. Like the fog or veil slowly lifting to reveal what was always true. The mind is accustomed to gaining knowledge. Awakening goes the opposite direction, its a falling away or a deprogramming, a disentangling from the socially conditioned mind matrix or self centered egoic agenda. ❤

Amazing book about 5-MeO-DMT-experience and more. Here some of my notes / marks: One of the most difficult things about the tryptamine experience is that the more you believe in the veracity of your own experience, the more difficult so-called normal reality becomes. It seems to me that DMT and 5-MeO-DMT—and to a lesser extent mushrooms, peyote, and San Pedro—can open you up to a natural place that is closer to the true center of existence. In contrast, the synthetic analogues that human beings have invented—LSD, DIPT, DOM, ketamine, and so on—can only reveal a crueler mirror-world of that reality—a place where ultimately our human frailties betray us. A friend offered the description that you are “a drop, which returns to the ocean” on 5-MeO-DMT —an excellent metaphor in my opinion. These ideas, which in truth have circulated in Hindu and Buddhist philosophies for centuries, have their modern origin in theories proposed by Aldous Huxley, Peter Russell, and most lately, Bernard Haisch, regarding the idea that our consciousness is essentially a filter of a far greater universal consciousness. The esoteric traditions tell us that creation by subtraction is one of the fundamental truths underlying reality. It may be that we develop more and more advanced consciousness filters through a series of births and rebirths. Perhaps some of us have undergone far more rebirths into this dimension, while others are like children at the beginning of their explorations in this earthly paradise of matter, with a long, discovery-filled path of many reincarnations ahead of them. To use the analogy of a rocket escaping the pull of Earth’s gravity, it is as if DMT is only powerful enough (at regular doses) to send you out of the atmosphere, but then the gravity of your ego pulls you back in. 5-MeO-DMT, on the other hand, is an interstellar vessel—it blasts you out of the atmosphere before you can even put the pipe down, and if you can learn to use it right, it can take you straight back to the Mind of G/d. This pure self-awareness of the “unfiltered” light is our ultimate consciousness, a state of peace and bliss—an awareness that the pure consciousness one experiences is but a concentrated point within a single universal consciousness. The quantum model proposes that the universe exists as an interconnected web of relationships, forever indivisible, since nothing has any meaning by itself!

Productivity entry 4 Goal: 8 hours of math - just keep it simple. no fancy philosophical ideas. Just collect and polish associas 2 hours Check emails + figure out when report readings are yes, 10:50 am, not all emails meditate 2 times - no fancy bullshit, like yesterday. Just do it. yes, and more! 1. Morning routine I'm currently wasting time scrolling the forum. I'm afraid of what's going to come. I guess this is better than youtube. What am I going to do about this? All I need to do now is meditate. I'm so deeply afraid of owning up to my mistakes by checking those emails. Right now I simply can't see myself getting my ass to stay on schedule..? This is a recurring problem and I feel that having public journal can really revolutionize the discipline aspect of my life because I have access to it in the middle of a mindless rut - like a stick to grab onto amidst drowning in quicksand. I'm done reading about Leo's relationship drama on the thread. I'm ready to meditate Meditated. Since starting the journal, I'm much better at it. 30 minutes passes by like a few seconds in the really good sessions. 2. Golf visualization + visualize opening the emails + bad habits visualization (applied to this situation). Do for about 2 hours. I always get really distracted when I do the golf visualization. In particular I have this weird fear regarding the nature of what a visualization is, having to do with its ill defined-ness - I would really like to dig out exactly what this fear is. For the time being let's just do it. Did it. Went so well, because I acknowledged the existence of this strange fear. I feel so fortunate. And this made me want to golf again lol. I used to visualize my goals early in this work, but I have stopped since then. I realized that I better get my ass on that train again - have forgotten how powerful it is. I think what it was was that I started to learn about enlightenment, which made me kind of devalue a lot of the normal self help. I now realize how backwards this is, and am currently reorienting myself. Here is a recorded negative visualization of not shying away from fixing my mistakes (too long to post) 3. Check the goddamn emails, focusing on the angry Victor ones for 10 min. Figure out when report readings are. done. I checked some of the emails and the report reading is at 10:50 am. I am absolutely terrified right now, but peaceful at the same time. So I am going to take a short tamed break - tea, jerk off, eat, walk benny in 1: 45 min, then get on with math. 4. Go for a walk with 5 minutes or running and 20 pushups done. Meditated 2nd time. I'm going to visualize for 15 min on collecting 10 associas, and the process will be spending 10 minutes on my own tryin to do it, then excavating an associa, so I don't dissolve into reading solutions. Again, you have this weird fear/resistance to visualizing, so, Scotty, I grant you permission to not feel that fear this one time ( and times to come). I visualized and then entered into this state of pure meditative bliss where I was letting all the "gifts of the ego" go. God was that sweet. Can't say I've experienced that before, though I have been in altered states. The difference with this one was that I was just letting every single thing go, and I knew how to do it. 5. Collect associas for geodesic and hyperbolic geometry + Get like 10 in total with moderate generality. Get a notebook of these things. I'm changing my strategy a little bit. I'll proceed like so Spend ten minutes finding until you get stuck from the notes, excavate an associa - this doesn't have to have the found stuckness state as its head. The situation is a bit more nuanced than that write down the head and the tail of the associa, clearly denoted and know that there could have been many (slightly different) others. Embrace the arbitrariness. spend 2 minutes consolidating it in your head. Again, you have this weird fear relating to visualizations and you're free not to feel it. Do 6 of these. Incomplete. I did three of them. Now I will drink some tea, jerk, meditate + visualize, then head to bed. Wake up early (say 9 am) for report reading. Day review: Quite impressed that I checked emails. It was terrifying. The math session was short but sweet. Tomorrow I can fully focus on this part of the day - cut right to the chase. Then tomorrow, we can collect a bunch more associas, and maybe start to put them together in clever ways - like proof deconstruction, scouting out problems to apply them to and recording the effects, scouting out technical errors, or starting to solve actual problems. But don't be too fancy!

Leo, we all know that god, all there is is unconditional love. thats no secret around here. but this duality we are currently in allows for many to experience the (illusory) absence of love. and this absence of love, this seperation from god can make it, that souls fall so far from light, that they get stuck and cant return to it even if they wanted. this seperation from source caused by their own free will, means eternal agony for them! this is true hell! to have trapped yourself in the darkest place possible where you feel only pain and can only cause more pain to others.. now you can imagine why there are souls that simply want to destroy everything out of pure anger.. its a very very sad thing! hose who arent able to step into the light in the end will have to be taken into the galactic central sun for their souls to be completely transmuted. now imagine, this is something we all could have fallen to! or imagine, you once knew a soul, that once like you was enjoying the love and bliss of the higher realms, but then took the path of darkness and got so lost that only their utter annihilation can "save" them. sure, in the end, its still all love.. but holy crap, if this is not a reason to end duality for good now, i dont know what is... it seems strangely that your worldview allows for an worringly amout of suffering to be part of the game.. but instead of allowing it, we are fucking ought to stop it!! we also have the power to stop it!! thats why i am here, thats what i am constantly rambling about! to see reality as it is and to change it! we are conditioned to believe its all part of the game, but this is the crucial error! when we realise this, we can claim back our true sovereignity as beings of light and follow our calling to transmute all dark here on earth. we have to become aware of how and why there is so much suffering here on earth and that in no way it has to be that way! the third density reality is indeed the darkest "place" in this universe! (BEWARE:GRAPHIC!: I mean they systematically torturerape children and make them eat their own babies in order to create fragmented personalities and minds to control - does it get any more horrid than this?). ... bullshit like this is the reason why i think every decent being should have some interest in ending duality. to end duality is possible and we are actually in the process of it happening right now, if ou are aware of it or not. but every single one of us counts. the sooner the collective consciousness is ready, the sooner we will be freeing ourselves all together from this perpetual cycle of suffering.