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About Applegarden

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  • Birthday 03/31/1996

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  1. But you do realise that corroupt and low consciousness people make corroupt and low consciousness politicians. We got Trump in 2016, because that's what the people wanted with similar levels of consciousness. Realize that if you want to be a leader you will go trough alot of shit - grudgery, betrayal, abuse, criticism, pushing and pulling people to do their parts sometimes, knowing that someobdy can turn on you e.c.t.
  2. So, my riff libary is barely shrinking since i jam used ideas and what is happening is that more variations of them come up so i notate them aswell. Anyway, i am having 10+ minutes of ideas after hours of notating. I really like how most of them are sounding. Really a different and so much mature and groovy sounding ideas. Now have to complicate them and add prog/mathcore elements even just for a little bit in everything if needed. So my weird guitar tuning acts as a tonality and i am finding cool voicings/tone clusters to spice up my rythm guitar. It will be alot of fun ripping these ideas apart and puzzling them in songs. The good news i know all thesr parts but I will need alot of time to really refine and practice these. Other parts need to be close to sterile in dynamics but alot of my guitar stuff is going to be noisy, because that's metal. I feel I will give myself time to come up with a 30 minute album. That is 5 years. Starting 2021 1st of january. I think I could do all that in 1-2, because there is not that much to do here. Prepeare the digital/hardware setup. Set up song templates for tracking and learning some mixing/mastering skills. Most of time will be spent practicing the parts but the good news are that i don't even have to perform these. So I will track them in parts and just mix/master them and put it on to youtube and streaming services for those 10 people looking for it. I feel like putting all into just this project and then moving on to spirituality. Or not. Idk yet. But this is what I wanted. An album, my essence into the collective bucket. As a small joyful fuck you on the way to death. I want to show to some few friends how creative and organized I can be! So let's do it.
  3. That is a repeating theme in my life to the point some strangers in various corners in the word taught me things that make my life work today. This is why this forum exists.
  4. I figured that I will only continune writing in this journal when I am feeling down. Now is not that time. Now I am notating Ideas, and hopefully my riff libary will shrink into a musescore 2 file and then it's time to compose for my self-titled? I don't know what the result is going to be and how I will call it and if multiple people are going to be on there with me. I would like 30 minutes, that would be amazing. And with at least one other person writing with me. I already like the ideas being more complicated and my composing juices running trough my veins. This is going to be an interesting journey I guess. I literally have nothing to say, because I don't want to say anything. I had a productive day yesterday and I sat by myself without anything for some time like 1-2 hours, I don't remember. It was somewhat blissfull and felt really good.
  5. You know, I see myself in your situation, worse in some ways and better in some, but I am shocked how incredibly well I can relate man. I got to a point I jerk maybe 0-2 times a week and I just don't see the point of it. You can get there and possibly more. I would ask myself what is the time the average human being has sex in his life? Taking in the consideration that he will not be sexually active in good chunk of his lifetime, and if he will be, it will come down and have breaks. And with that I meant - the actual sex with a partner not jerking off. The number for the average person, including the people who work 16 hours a day in Indonesia, including the incels, including the religious guys, the unhappily married e.c.t, women on their cycles that are not turned on at particular times, ill people, sexually frustrated people, people who have exhausted this desire and children who have not yet arrived at that view of life. The actual percentage is so incerdibly low, ridicilously low. And take into the consideration, this is AFTER the oversexualized culture, augmented and artificial beauty, beauty products, digital editing, marketing with sexy people, the amount of pornography that it is there on the internet, the attitude and patterns of attraction people have due to the culture e.c.t. also the conservative ideology to an extent does say that relationships have to have sex in them and if your partner asks, you should put out or some nonsense. After all that. According to the numbers, life doesn't seem to be all that for sex. I would suggest remembering before you fap, that people are not having all that much sex globally. It is more like certain industries are using attraction to market stuff to you and industries like pornography blatantly make profits from the viewers and literally subjugate them to make them not creative and happy in their life. Of course all this comes after wage slavery, that is the more basic problem I am not going to talk about here. You will fundamentally need spirituality in some form. The goal here is to take life less seriously, then you have more clarity and can act more strategically. Repression and discipline can work, but it is more tricky and somewhat incomplete solution for the very long term. Anyway, cool, you are a mathematician! I hated math in school for the most part but I fell in love with it when I used it in Warcraft III world editor custom triggers. As i wanted to simplify complex triggers with more refined math functions. Like enemy unit spawn timer refreshing and scaling in the late game, depending on hom many units you killed in what amount of time. All kinds of cos, sin and other coo functions I tried worked really funky, but could be developed pretty intelligently. Also math works for music, but I have left that realm, since I just want to produce music. Cheers. Just take away one thing from this if you will. People don't have much sex in general. Remember this, before you masturbate. It is fine to do it, no shame, but you are creating more attraction for viewing world trough sex and reinforcing your escapism pattern. So recognize this problem and you will see the depth more and more of this problem and that uglyness will make you want to come out of it. Cheers. Here is some funny math video, I hope it is your last one and you don't need any more of em.
  6. I beg for forgiveness in advance.
  7. Yes, who are you!? And who am I? Who the hell are you all? What are we doing here?
  8. Absolutely. I have made a few long lasting and meaningful relationsips directly because of similar tastes in music. You inquire and share about music for decades, literally, and it can bring alot of joy.
  9. Updated my riff libary: Literally have to go to job. Got my sleep disrupted by the neighbour around hour and a half just when I hopped into bed. Their hypocrisy is amazing. I was not loud, didn't intentionally did anything to disrupt their sleep, it was 6 AM, yes my bed is cracking, but there is not much I can do about it, probably got some insult trough the wall also, whatever. Now the child is more agressive and of course she does her thing and nobody stops her. Anyway I managed to get a decent sleep and I got another revelation. Even when there is a pattern of anger right in front of you when somebody is doing some injustice to you, you can still unclutch and reflect as i do. Anyway. Even when you are in anger, fear, mode of panic attack and emotional fluctiation, then just wait and don't make big decisions. I wake up as usually got 1 hour 30 less sleep than usual after a night shift. But after I woke up I asked myself, am I angry at somebody? Right after I unclutch from all this continious abuse and focus on things I want to focus my capacity to focus on these things are 95%; am I sleepy? No, I was not sleepy at all. Even some days if I are, its ok, then I ask, can I be happy? Yes, i can be sleepy and blissfull anyway; So now I ask, what is the most important thing I can do that is meaningful to me right now? That was meditation in the morning and then playing guitar some time later and updating this riff libary. Even now the child i banging as I am clicking the mouse - well, I am entitled to use my computer and make arund 35 dB noise, your assumed victim mentality from your father doesn't give more priveledges than me to make noise when you are making noise. I am sorry, I am not mad at you, but I will not stop doing what I feel I should be doing. It is really a madhouse sometimes, but then I start to do some self-reflection work and it just anyway doesnt matter. Something else I wanted to describe, but I forgot, cheers. Watched a nice interview with authentic and very very talented guy.
  10. Yes, sorry for the gross generalization, because I am not going to write a 3 page post on things that you should be looking out for if you are genuinely intrested in spirituality. So you are saying the following: When Sadhguru says the methapores like: - "you are not the body and not the mind" and Leo makes a video on "you are not the brains" is not the same thing (metaphysics) and a bunch of other stuff i could quoute but I am not interested in wasting that much time; And that both they don't teach meditation, both of them have videos on techniques altho sadhguru has some more advanced forms of meditation in the form of traditional indian hatha yoga and has conscecrated a linga, called dhyanalinga where sitting nearby it produces a state in you called dhyana - you and the enviroment become one and loosening sense of time; - they both are not talking about enlightenment;. Ok so what is false in this, what is not similar? Are they talking about different thing fundamentally? Does science accept the notion that you are something beyond the brain, as far as I know, no. It is merely being debated. But then how do you validate something of this when the scientific metod doesn't work? Then I guess it boils down on the basic street clout abd emotional association to somebody being a guru or not. I wonder why so many people come to sadhguru and his facilities, i think it is because his stuff works, as I noticed in 2016 when i did a good amount of isha kriya meditation, something like 60 days or even more. I still do his upa yoga practices. Of course now i follow even more radical gurus, and they advice is even better, but sadhguru is a good sport for people with western education. He is quite logical for a guru. Anyway, this is exhausting, thanks for the discussion, hope you have a great life, if you are on this forum, i think you are taking steps to it already.
  11. I had a revelation today about my life. I had a few key insigts that could I would or wouldn't elaborate later. Still, alot of that I do is counter-productive in my life; Why do I need to have pleasures in my life if I can be blissful; At some point I have to break the emotional inertia or habit towards things I find useless in the long run. I have to organize my life quite more to release an album some time in the future. We never really hold on to actively changing our lifes, just few people change few aspects and that's it. And everybody things wow, thats so big, how could you manage to do that or quit this and that, e.c.t. I also want a quite alone life where I can express myself musically and just do spiritual practice. Almost every person with his own material said to me that they anticipated to release and finish it years earlier up to 5-8 years later, so I am in no hurry also. I need to start composing from my ideas and use the practice time to learn these ideas, otherwise I will keep noodling and coming up with new ideas. I guess I will keep posting on yt until I create a band or something, I could just post short videos of refined ideas with programmed drums or smth. I really like what I play and I like watching myself play, altho I have alot of work to do to improve. But what I wanted to talk about today is - the ugly side of sexuality, sexual desire, commitment and human relationships and the currency of attraction - and why I would like to skip that and what is my strategy for that. First of all, one part of me hates being attracted to women. Basically I don't want attracted to women, why? It is mainly because of many unwritten consequences you will immediatly have to follow. And for somebody who wants to focus on different aspects of life and build my life from the bottom up in some way, this is a big gamble. Why is it a gamble? - Chances of pregnancy; - You have to be social with alot more people than your spouse and give shit about them e.c.t.; - Usually in relationship, because the average human, including me hasn't healed their bleeding inner child, alot of the times alot of immature stuff is happepening in the relationship and it is very easy to be distracted, so why to have it? - There is a chance of cheating, and some good shit-testing, hypocrisy, attachment, divorce, "i am not satisfied because of you" mentality, one side has to put up with dome sort of abuse; - Great sex-life is not even guaranteed and depends on people self-reflecting or not; Let me stop here, to a very interesting point. At the end of the day, evolutionary speaking, it is all about sex. It is always about sex. With that I don't mean just merely the act. This broader notion of sex is being used everywhere, but at the same time human beings use sexuality as a tool to control each other trough sexual desire, denying sex, making others feeling guilty for their sexual desire e.c.t. and of course the absolutely hypocritical mating strategies happening in the world, where your status, beauty, money, will determine the possible mate for you and subconscious attraction forms into unhealthy relationships and where alot of people just can't maintain commitment and due to terrible emotional intelligence rely only on the butterflies which will go away inevitably and obviously in that setting they make children and you know what happend next. Let us not forget the blatant quantity of people addicted to pornography, masturbation (including me) and the western fluffy ideas of luxury life, sexy young adults with respective size of body parts partying with you, regularly e.c.t. Sex also sells really well. There are entire industries to make men and women more appealing, digital or not, doesn't matter. Products sell very well with sexy women advertising them too and the other way around. So, to really live this life, to really be active in this life and have spiritual growth, I don't want a romantic relationship in any kind or measure. Masturbating also makes you narrow your worldview into survival mode and reinforces alot of delusion when you are thinking/interracting with people from the opposite sex. I honestly don't really enjoy that for the most of the time, when it comes up. You meet a new girl somewhere, now some fantasies start coming up. Anyway, after all that and many more sex related things what comes up in my mind, it is all about mating, in a very subconscious way. I think if you are in a commited relationship masturbating on your spouse is completely fine and may ignite some playfulness in the relationship but having an act and thinking of somebody else other than your partner is something that will create mental instability, hatred, depression, inability to be turned on by your spouse, and over all aid you into decision to cheat or leave that person. So I would proceed and ask myself, would I need sex in a relationship if I had one? But then again, why would I need an intimate relationship? If i can sit blissfully with my eyes closed, then why not just focus on developing this skill of being fine by yourself. I am sure, many people learnt this the hard way, because they had no other way, and I remember a documentary where a guy chose to go and live alone and is doing so for decades. Sounds like the life I want to live. But I would like to give my art on the internet. Some people may argue that you can't change your instincts, some would say why would you not want it e.c.t. But, if you haven't already noticed, then the people insisting, that you can't change something are the ones who haven't really changed anything if their life or maybe few things in a small way, and I would ask to them; how much have you changed in your life? Would you change something if your life didn't depend on changing it? How much time have you spent in strategizing how to change something and applying that? Do you have an experience of changing something? Do you know how to change something? I think if I won't stop masturbating then I will enter into a relationship which is not what I want if I really think about it. I don't want to live life the way most people do it. What I want for now is play some music and release it and then go all in spirituality to get the hell off this body and move on. Wage slavery has a different take on this, but it may change a bit in one or two decades. I really hope the economy becomes more feminine and the basic needs will be provided for all for people to be extraordinarily productive, because they want to be, not because it is for them to survive, then boredom and lazyness is a natural consequence. Yeah, in general, like 90+% entertainment generated is not good for us. Couple of points to move on: - when in doubt, lazy, bored, unhappy - ask, what is the most meaningful thing to me that I can do now? If i have absolutely nothing, then it is spirituality; - no matter how much you delay some problem, addiction, then you will still have to go all the intensity of getting off that problem and have to experience the pain of withdrawal. Better to do it sooner than later. - The moment I get the chance to leave the body, I will probably do it; - Yes, music matters to me, but not as much as liberation, if there is too much suffering in it, I will keep retreating in spirituality, maybe that will make me quit, but whatever amount of music I manage to produce, it's ok, even now I am happy with how much possibility I feel is there and that I can for sure do it, so.if I won't have the possibility of doing music further, I already kinda exhausted that desire, but while my life is working together I will strive for it; - leaving this body and entering into enlightenment is something I dream of and it implodes in me in the form of bliss; - Over the years I am taking life less seriously and being more involved with life; - I am greatful for this platform to express what I really think, so I am not just merely a wage slave; - I wish to wake up in this lifetime and see large amount of people being encouraged to become artists and them making their own content; - I think I will eat 1-2 meals for the rest of my life; (Probably one onwards after 25-30);
  12. Yeah, the answer is yes. I have encountered psychics before - stronger and weaker e.c.t.
  13. Leo has a positivr view of Sadhguru btw. Yeah, like I believe that you somehow now magically have done his programs. Sure dude, I will take your word for it. What was in the program, what did you not like? About what he is bsing particulary? Maybe 3 examples for an iformative conclusion why he is bs? Or anecdotal story of yours? Or a blindspoted negative reaction towards a title that is a bad association? I am not saying you have to automatically like him, but what is interesting that you completely dismiss the guy. Why there is correlation between SG and Leo or any other teacher? Well... Methaphysics, meditation, spirituality, claims that have not yet accepted by science e.c.t.
  14. Ohh, yeah, sad is also that you think Sadhguru is always full of shit too. Literally the same category. If I made you watch Sadhguru you will call him a cult leader and you will see he sells inner engineering course and call him a scammer. Kinda catch 33 kind of thing, you know.