LostStudent

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About LostStudent

  • Rank
    - - -
  • Birthday 12/23/1999

Personal Information

  • Location
    United States
  • Gender
    Female

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  1. The last few weeks have been very pleasant. I've kept myself busy with the gym, yoga, meditation, cooking, hanging out with my friends, and I've even had the time to meet a some new people. I think what I'm craving the most is a relationship, someone I could open up to and share every aspect of my life. I've made an effort to meet new people lately and I've got a few dates lined up, I haven't been on a date for a while so I'm nervous but also excited.
  2. I enjoy art and nature so I'm probably going to visit a bunch of art galleries and spend a considerable time in nature. I think visiting holy sites and monasteries could be a cool experience so I may do that too. I want to spend time interacting with people of different cultures but I don't know what the best way to do this is.
  3. Yeah I agree. I don't have a time frame in mind yet, I don't want to limit how long I can stay in a place if I'm really enjoying my time there. I haven't done much research yet but I'm definitely going to visit Asia for part of my trip, I've never been to Asia and I think it would be a nice culture shock. I'll visit China, Japan, Korea, Thailand, Vietnam, and India for sure. I think getting one way tickets to each country would be a flexible way to explore without any time constraints. Where do you want to travel to?
  4. This is so relatable haha.
  5. I don't think this is limited to women in their 30s or 40s. I'm in my early 20s and I've felt anxiety, frustration, and jealousy when I see friends in committed long-term relationships.
  6. I don't really have any immediate plans, I'm going to spend a significant amount of time traveling once everything opens up, I hoping something will change when I get out of my comfort zone. Success would be finding higher purpose in my life, I wouldn't necessarily need to profit off this.
  7. Today I'm feeling thankful. I read a post where someone was asking how to escape poverty in a third world country and it made me cry. There's so much in my life I take for granted. If I wanted to, I could stop working tomorrow and live the rest of my life off my parents wealth. I did nothing to deserve this situation, life is so brutal sometimes. It's kind of pathetic, I'm over here worrying about my self worth and emotions while that guy is fighting to survive.
  8. @Raptorsin7 No I don't have a therapist or anything like that. It probably wouldn't be a bad idea for me to find one, I'm hesistant because I have an irrational stigma against that kind of thing. I feel like having a therapist would be me admitting that I'm messed up, I guess I'm just in denial haha. I talked to my brother and told him I've been struggling lately and he was pretty receptive. I just feel bad because my brother works a lot of hours and he has a wife and kid so I feel like I'm adding more to his plate.
  9. I've been working out daily which has had a positive effect on my sleep, I've been sleeping well these past few days and I don't feel the the urge to lay in bed after I wake up. I've been struggling with loneliness again lately and I'm not sure what to do, none of my solutions in the past were very effective and I just got past that phase after a while. I'm trying to accept that it's something I'll have to ride out again but it's tough. I don't have a lot of meaningful human contact throughout the day so that seems like the obvious cause of my loneliness but part of me wonders if there's something deeper, I'm not too sure. I've been trying to connect with my family better lately. I talk with my immediate family occasionally but I'm not very open with them and it's really sad the more I think about it, our conversations feel formal and they're similar to how I'd talk with my apartment neighbors when we share an elevator. I called my brother to see how he was doing and he sounded glad to hear from me, we used to be really close but we've drifted apart over the years. I realized lately that I've never been 100% open and honest with anyone in my life, that doesn't sound very healthy when I write it down like this. I want to open up to my brother about my recent struggles and my thoughts of suicide, I feel like it would be nice to tell someone but at the same time I'm hesitant because I don't want to offload my emotional problems on him and overwhelm him.
  10. I meditate in silence but my mind is loud. I focus on my breath but my focus shifts to my insecurities. I made soup the other day, I used too much kale and the soup was bitter. I remember being happy and cheery when I was a kid, I often wonder where I messed up for it to be bitter now. My childhood dog was in my dream last night, it was a really pleasant dream and I was disappointed when I woke up. Is it sad that I'm happier in my dreams than in real life? I've been sleeping better lately, maybe I'll get more happy dreams.
  11. @RendHeaven Thank you.
  12. @RendHeaven Yeah well, I'm sorry for letting me down I guess.
  13. Lately I've been in a pretty dark place, I've spent the last 3 months drinking, doing drugs, and hooking up with people on tinder. I did these things because I wanted the instant gratification but at this point I don't even feel that good doing these things anymore. I tried to end my life 2 weeks ago, I felt confident that I could follow through with it but I felt this intense feeling of fear and uncertainty right before and I ultimately backed out. I guess part of me still wants to live, or maybe I'm just a fearful person who can't take the final leap of faith. I think this is rock bottom and maybe I can only go up from here, that's an encouraging thought. I'm going to try and get back to the basics, no drugs, alcohol, or sex. I'm also going to meditate and exercise every day and try to eat more regularly.
  14. @Gesundheit Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate it.
  15. @Gesundheit I'm struggling. I've been pretty down these past few days and it feels like I'm spiraling down further and further into a pit of sadness. I feel like I have no energy and I spent all day in bed today. Hopefully things will get better, I don't know what's wrong with me.