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About karkaore

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  1. ..walking around with these massive balls of steel of yours! Recently I've experienced something I have never did before. Paranoia. Aw yiss baby. Caused by me, too much weed and wrong person being with me at a time. Let's call him Tim. Sun is shining, it's very warm. I am in UK, at a time UK was suffering record breaking heat. We were sitting in the yard, chatting. Tim decided to read up on the recent article about global warming. Silly Tim, he had no idea how bad of an idea that was. "Record breaking heat, temperatures higher than anticipated blablabla". I remembered the recent flooding in Germany - "Imagine water levels rising fast AF, thunderstorms, heavy-long rain starting to happen right now, floods washing substructures of houses" I said. "NOW??!" - Tim replied. I stayed quiet. I could see the tension rising in him as we were sitting out in the sun. I picked up on that. It got more and more intense. I could barely keep my shit together after a while. I kept trying to surrender. "People really need to not know" and that face Peter Ralston made when he was being interviewed by Leo popped up. And that's when I sort of got an idea of what he meant by saying that. Hahaaaaa... I thought I was brave, I knew more or less about things. Bullshit. All bullshit. I could not let go. In that state I was convinced that if I did, I will die. Such a scared little monkey. This made me humble. Respectful, appreciative of the things masters do. This is no joke. Bless the balls of steel you guys have. Mine are still being alloyed.
  2. Wonder what would we notice if we were not given the task of survival
  3. How aware are you? Take a test and find out!
  4. What way is the reality? Did you imagine everything? How do you know? Whatever we imagine is real. What is the difference between imaginary and real?
  5. I've been contemplating what depersonalization/de-realization is and I wanna share where my efforts are leading me so far. Here is a description of depersonalization/de-realization from wiki: "Depersonalization-derealization disorder is a mental disorder in which the person has persistent or recurrent feelings of depersonalization or derealization. Depersonalization is described as feeling disconnected or detached from one's self. Individuals may report feeling as if they are an outside observer of their own thoughts or body, and often report feeling a loss of control over their thoughts or actions. Derealization is described as detachment from one's surroundings. Individuals experiencing derealization may report perceiving the world around them as foggy, dreamlike/surreal, or visually distorted." Depersonalization is described as feeling disconnected or detached from one's self. Derealization is described as detachment from one's surroundings. I sit down to meditate. I watch my breath. I become more aware of my thoughts, feelings. In a sense, I detach myself from the thought/feeling. I "zoom out" and see thoughts/feelings more clearly. So what am I doing there, exactly? Am I not "depersonalizing/derealizing" in a sense? Isn't this the "endgoal" of spirituality? To lose yourself only to find yourself again? If I'm an individual who didn't have any awakenings, has no clue nor interest in knowing, living my normal life, I don't know anything else. I am "depersonalized/derealized", only I am not aware of it. Wouldn't you agree?
  6. Am committed to exercise, although it doesn't really affect this. Not as far as I am aware. This state is not linear. It comes and goes in periods of weeks/months or something close to that. Yes, on good days many things are enjoyable. Music, simply taking a shower.. man, the things that come to me in the shower. Music is genius. I get so immersed in the sound it freaks me out, but it's also pleasurable. The mere intensity of all this is what causing the ego to freak out and start panicking. And I am not particularly doing any practices pretty much for 8months or so.
  7. In a form of something like anxiety..? panic would fit the description to some extent too.
  8. Thank you for this. I fit the description almost perfectly. Way out?
  9. There was no one particular trigger. I sort of happened to slide into it over time. One book in particular had a huge impact. Leo's videos, contemplation. All the usual stuff. Had maybe around 40trips in the last 3 years or so. Can't say I enjoy this.. gets real tense at times.
  10. So strange.. Don't know how to describe it. Just can't recognise myself. Bodily sensations feel odd, almost alien. Thought patterns like soup. Any movement the body makes feel strange. Everything feels strange. Fog.
  11. I was that guy. STAY AWAY should be written all over the forehead with a fat, red marker.
  12. Good lesson to be learned. I have blacked-out for 5hrs from LSD once too. Terrifying! Glad you're out healthy.
  13. So is life simple or complex? Will it take me decades to awaken or is there nothing to do? This very much depends on what type of question we start off of. The paths will be very different depending on if it's a 'what' or 'how' or 'why'. A 'what' and a 'how' does seem to bring up complexity. We run into all kinds of obsticles that we need to overcome when dealing with 'what' and 'how'. These questions can take decades to actualise. All good with that, besides the fact that so many people do not enjoy that grind. They struggle and doubt, getting stuck between both mental and emotional sealings. From there it only gets more and more complicated and confusing. Why? Notice the question. It's a 'why'. Let's see how things unfold if we start our questioning with a 'why' before we even consider taking any action towards a 'what' and a 'how'. IME, knowing the 'why' of my desires automatically makes me committed to it. When we know the 'why' then the 'what' and 'how' actually become much easier to accomplish. When we know the 'why' we have strong vision, purpose. Real, fulfilling goals. Once we have that, the 'what' and 'how' lose much of its weight. Our every action becomes aligned with our desires, we stop wasting energy on the inner tug of war. That energy then being channelled towards our goals. Simply know the 'why' and the heavy complexity of life will feel so much much lighter and obvious.