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  1. Yes, i did. In fact after the stroke of luck i had that avoided that insane idea to happened, i retreated myself and before wanting to kill myself i Thought why not to Try Lsd before doing anything stupid. In that phase of total surrender i did my first psychedelic and completely Life changed. I 100% can say those acid trips i did literally saved my Life from killing myself of ending in an assylum. Afterwards i have never come back to those darkness Nowdays even in the Worst moments they are 1000 better than the utter insanity of Thoughts i experienced with that woman. Thankful for a second chance in Life. Well, when you have Thoughts that hurt and torture Your in uncomprensible ways every minute for 1-2 years non stop (unless when you sleep, or rare moments during the day) even the strongest man Will do anything to make them end. Anything. Fortunately like i said i had a stroke of luck that derailed the plan, then psychedelics appear and that phase thankfully was long gone and nowdays seems like from a past Life, not this Life lol
  2. Is always because of Love Damn, is always because of Love uh? I almost murder a woman 10 years ago because also almost went insane. If It wasn't by luck i would be in jail now probably and people dead. A hurt ego is so DAMN dangerous.
  3. Lately everytime after jerking off i start to uncontrollabily laugh like a madman. I am going through a phase where there is 0 sexual repression in my Mind. Whatever kind of fantasy or scenario my mind starts to generate, i fap to It, no Matter how Taboo, weird or "abnormal" It maybe be. Has anyone gone through a phase where sexual fantasies are about being hurt, beaten, hated by others? What IS beyond that? What kind of karmic structures im touching? I Still dont know really what IS there. But It seems just at the point of cumming i can see It. Is like pure terror. Hatred. I dont even remember any of this. I dont remember being tortured in a gulag, but It does feel like that. The intensity of how dark the feeling feels. I even consider the possibility im working on past generational trauma/karma that hasnt been solved by past generations. Who knows. In anyway, It is daunting. Before i used to repress myself sexually and i would try to avoid seeing this by all kind of mechanisms, like nofap, or forcing myself to jerk off with normal fantasies. But nowdays im all in, no repression. But also no breaks, almost everyday im getting close to the fire, getting burned, to the limit. Everyday experiencing this "feeling" but i Still dont know what the hell is. Thanks for reading and deeply appreciate insights that can help accelerate this process 🙏🩵
  4. he represses sex. We all have been there. @StarStruck Firstly, not all actors/actress 'suffer' doing porn. In fact most of them do enjoy it, and amateur porn I´m sure nearly 100% lmao. Secondly if you are Conscious it will not matter what you do in the outside, you inevitably will do it in the best way. Being 'high conscious' seem like a very high standard. If yo have been watching porn for +10 years the habit will not fall just like that in the next day just because you raise your consciousness. You probably will go through a phase of still watching porn and completely recontexualizing how you understand it or what you are watching. It might get to the point you end not watching anymore, you are right.
  5. Not maybe, we are talking about truth. No concepts, just look what is true. You are Alone in your own dream. Is just that your dream matches my dream. Because we are identical. Maybe you are not accepting that you are Endlessly Alone? If you just don´t think, there is no non duality, others, or infinity of being. There is just Nothingness. You. Absolutely empty. When you are looking at the street you are looking at Infinity. All that you are seeing is those Infinite Gods creating its own creation and representation, a woman, a man, a building...etc. Is not really 'lonely' because other Gods are Identical to You. Reality is Perfect. On one hand you are Sovereign in your kingdom, on the other, you can interact with other Gods and relate to them because you know they are identical to you. Reality is so infinite there had to exist other infinities. Other Infinite Realities/Gods. The other Gods are so identical to you (They are You), that you have co-created with them a shared dream. You didn´t have to 'agree' in what to create, Infinity created the same thing because is identical. @Water by the River Because they do not want to accept their Sovereignty as Gods. Is hard to accept the loneliness. But also is the best prize. You are Absolute. You are alone in your Infinity and that is the best. The feeling Im describing is better than Infinite Love or typical non-duality. I´m talking about heroin-like states of consciousness. (But at the same time you are 100% Conscious.) Most people have not taste what im talking about but in terms of bliss and intensity, it is a feeling much better and grandiose than unity, psychedelics, brahman, nirvana, or whatever. Is normal you do not belief me. Is the best. You know you are King but you know there is also an infinite reality where you can have fun and play with other Gods
  6. It might be accepting that others are so insanely far away from you, you shouldn´t even consider them as something you could relate with. Just finished meditating and I can tell you guys ive verified 'sober' the realization of being the King of my own heaven or reality, something ive had on LSD 3 years ago. This feeling was beyond good, pure heaven. It was solipsism but in a good way. Better than any feeling of love or unity or anything else. Knowing clearly you are God absolutely independent from 'physical reality' or the infinity that extends in front of your eyes. In other words, Infinity extending in front of your eyes (physical reality/objects in front of me = Infinity) is not your 'business' or even from 'your world'. Is 'outside' of you. Is an appearance that 'other Nothings' or Gods are creating/projecting. In other words if you look at a chair in front of you, that is a God on its own. Is projecting his own self. Which is a chair. Every millimetre of infinity is sovereign on its own. Infinite Gods. Infinite Kingdoms of Sovereignty. Your Personal Sovereign Kingdom is just part of the Perfect Heaven of Infinity, perfectly orchestrated. You are an x God within the x infinite numbers of gods within the Big Empty Design of Perfection. You are using a human avatar to fullfill the role of this Design.
  7. @Water by the River So the POV is just an appareance? True Infinite being goes beyond It? (Or "behind It", or "outside of It") ? 😂
  8. What is your intention doing Yoga? Yoga is not an exercise or just 'another' thing. Is a sacred process. If you are thinking about trying to have 'fun' or try to see if you can trip with it or whatever, you are not understanding the seriousness of what you are doing. In fact, I know you plenty of guys are doing this Kriya Yoga thing from books. Too much people in the forum casually doing this. Yoga can not be learned/done from a book on an Amazon.
  9. yeah, I don´t know what kratom has to do with psychedelics lmao
  10. Yeah the key is the self. When being 4 years old, 'Real me' was dead. I was not 'born'. Nothing existed at 4 years old. When Real me identified with body (maybe at 5-6 years old?), illusion about being 'someone' specific gets created. Illusion about existing in a certain 'place' and in a certain 'time' gets created. All illusion gets created when that which does not exist in a concrete or particular way identifies with body. From that illusion, the questions of others arise of course. 😆
  11. Was just watching that video yesterday. If by solipsism we mean infinite boundless Love, yes, Reality is 'solipsistic' 👁️ How see it is: 'Other' 'Gods', are Nothing, they are literally identical to my bubble of consciousness. The dream is co-created, every being is the same as the other being. Ego is based on differences, so it may ask 'why I created a man and the 'other' God created a woman as an avatar? that is a difference'. But no such a thing. Man and woman is the same. Animal and human is the same. Ego is creating the differences. For the dream to be so beautiful every Nothing took an avatar/being to represent. There are not two dreams 💙Only One 💙
  12. Yes, even eating fruits is stealing from the planet. Some kind of selfishness is necessary to survive, but how much is the question. There is a difference between torturing your genitals with a taser vs giving you a pat in the back
  13. I think is because The ego won´t really threw himself completely unless it Is getting really burned by 'life'. 'life' = his own lie.
  14. Yeah, suffering is 'just' fire getting to the ego, until the point it burns so fucking much you have to surrender and still sit for the fucking meditation. Then something might open up. sitting for the meditation but thinking afterwards I want to go to the amusement park with my gf...yeah, it probably not going to work. You have to be absolutely beaten by life and still surrender that there is something worthwhile seeing. In other ways, Reality is a test of Love for the ego in a way. Can you still have faith and Love even when everything feels is horrible? That´s your true self intuiting that the ego has constructed the lie