Javfly33

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About Javfly33

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  1. This is not normal Lol. Never had I relapsed this hard. What is wrong with my mind? I've hit rock bottom I guess. I wonder if this Will this be the time that makes me want to wake up the fuck up and go become a man, or if it makes me want to leave everything behind. But I guess the only way out is in.
  2. It is not only social anxiety. It is the path. Yes. But don't be surprised that your whole life will begin a change, not only in terms of improving feeling less anxious around people, but just in anything in life. And the psychedelic path is not for soft guys. Don't try to eliminate social anxiety all with psychs. Combine it to with sober work, therapy, or whatever. Psychs also come with downsides. Sometimes God will ask too much of you and the ego can't do it. Be patience. Overall the path of healing social anxiety is realizing the whole nature of existence and who you are. Good luck.
  3. I've done a shit ton of 5-MeO by this point and wasted a lot of time and hope surfing high states of energy / consciousness on LSD (because this world we live in, that energy is useless u need to behave like a a real devil to properly survive) I still doubt Love. Or at least I find it hard to believe it.
  4. No. But you must be careful in opening up with certain stuff depending on the stage of ego development.they are. You should be able to connect with people because of the mere fact that they are...people. Oh yeah you are so special! Keep playing this game yeah see what that did to ya
  5. Hahaha you should try findom that will give you a taste of the dinamics of beta behaviour
  6. Because nobody is sure, because truth is just a brain state. Infinity, frame, holons, there is no death! Blabla bla. And then everybody is scared shitless about death and attachments everywhere. Do not trust anybody, Investigate for yourself and careful in falling to ideologies masked as "Truth" and "Direct experience". Unless it's your direct experience, their direct experience is just more parroted ideology.
  7. Of course by this I'm not trying to encourage avoiding mastering socialization, but saying that socialization should come from a place of joy (you want to share stuff with people) or desire to improve an aspect of yourself which eventually will make your life more profound and according to your true nature, rather than socializing because of feeling "incomplete" from a place of scarcity.
  8. Im on holidays staying at my mom's house, in the town I was born and raised. Sometimes I feel alone in my room at night and I feel I should have done done proper socialization the previous day to have been able to get a date with a girl or have some friends to go have a drink that night. Just to avoid the pain of feeling alone. I don't have a problem with being alone usually, but in this case, being in my town triggers some trauma points of my ego. I feel this necesity of feeling finally "One"/Loved/Accepted with the people of the city I was born. I don't know why but my ego , since I was I think ~14 years old, constructed a story about how this city sucked and the people of this city were losers and different than me and basically "I was too cool for them". Of course this was a defense mechanism of the ego due to trauma I suppose, but I fucking believed that shit for the next ~10 years almost, which costed me not socializing almost at all during the years which you are supposed to go more parting, having the first dates with girls, etc. I also changed city a lot because "this city was not for me". (In fact I don't live here) However in my last 5-MeO-DMT (although I had done already some progress before that year) I had a powerful vision of being ONE with the people of my city. It was particularly meaningful because I had been judging (and feeling judged) by the people of my city, (the city in general, I thought this city was lame, boring, etc). And suddenly 5-MeO put me to the ground to have sex in an orgasm of metaphysical love with my the people of my city. I felt so United with everyone. It was so meaningful, fucking beautiful, that was pure art from God what I experienced. 😍FUCK🌞 And now I think, why stress out of having someone or some girl to have a date with, if at the end of the day we Are One For Ever For Eternity ? Hahahaha. I guess it depends on your state of consciousness. You must have realized the truth endless times to finally believe the unbelievable, that you can't ever get Love because love is not a thing you can get, is what reality is. Thanks for reading 💙
  9. Contact your supplier. I talked to mine and they said they do test their product against heavy metals. So now you can't even trust the "organic" word uh?
  10. I have found some concerning info about the of toxic heavy metals in this article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7432033/ This is really concerning because I've been taking Kratom for over a year daily, except some little breaks here and there. I haven't noticed a downside in my overall health or energy however. Anyone knows if this is accurate for all Kratom powder and if there is something I could do to counter act this (maybe I should take a toxic metals test) apart from considering stop taking Kratom altogether.
  11. Well I can tell you I totally been where you've been, like, totally...and nowdays if you put me in that situation I would have a blast! I am still haven't mastered the lead and dominating aspect of game and dating but I would be like fish in the water in the intimate game and the bdsm/sex questions game. It just took a tremendous work and a massive letting go of my ego Vs others, you must realize that you feel weird in those games because your ego is trying to control the situation, trying to control how you look in front of others. It seems your ego has a problem with emotional vulnerability and sex stuff. Instead of trying to avoid being seen as X or Y, work on being Ok/Feeling Cool/Loved etc showing your vulnerability and kinks and etc. I mean you must be ashamed of this things in some way if not I don't see why would you have a problem sharing it with those guys. . So have hope that you can get there, if you want. It will take a lot of time though.
  12. 👌Yeah maybe we millennials some of us grow up with stage green teaching of our parents, which were great to prepare us for our mind to be open and for new ideas to come, but terrible for getting things done and terrible in terms of accepting that getting results comes with sacrifice and hard work. I basically never knew the meaning of "hard work" all my life until I've started to dip my toes into how you build a business for yourself, mastering relationships and dating, etc. I think life were too easy for us from childhood and we are paying that price of expecting things to fall in your lap. I did grew up with that implicit belief I totally agree.
  13. Thanks buddy, that definetely clear things out for me