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  1. This is all correct, except one thing. When you suicide or kill yourself somehow in a crash for example you don't necessarily wake up as god. That is because you didnt die as god realized but still as an ego mind, ego mind will associate death with darkness. And since you're nothingness , anything is possible. When you jump from your roof as ego and not as a god realized being, you will keep falling when you're close to the ground you won't touch it but just will have a black screen because of the shock. Then after the nothingness/blackness you might become aware in a new childs body, the big bang is a start of your rebirth/new awareness in your world. She got a taste of god or herself and knew she did it billions of times and wished for rebirth/new life. BUT A KNEW LIFE OR EGO BODY ISNT AS EASY TO GET AS YOU MIGHT THINK, YOU'RE NOTHINGNESS SO BEING ENTRAPPED AND FORGOTTEN IN ANOTHER DREAM ISNT AS EASY AS YOU MIGHT THINK. From what i know and understand the only way to get a new random body/ego/dream is to wish for death/kill yourself/non existence. It's basically a gods restart button to get lost somewhere. The others while you're in a ego body are just projections/reflections of your mind because you're aware. So you're truely only one and all alone. The problem is when you're all alone, the desires/meaning/things all will have 0 value for you. The only true meaning that you already know will be loving others. So a restart of your dream / being reborn into delusion and unknowingness will be your only option.
  2. Reminds me of the paradox regarding suicide. For example, in my religious upbringing we were taught that suicide is sinful, so we never discussed about it openly. But from a mental health perspective, it is healthy to discuss suicide instead of avoiding it. So yeah, you don’t understand suffering by avoiding suffering.
  3. So basically, the question is null and void in your opinion because there is nothing wrong with suicide. Actually suicide is Enlightnement, because reality is consciousness, so there is no death, really. That's a very interesting take and actually it's quite correct. I just think it would be cooler if God could realize itself without just ending the life of the form and never knowing it was God. But what I think happens here is Consciousness. Rats don't wake up - they go through their whole life, and never awaken. So why would some humans awaken, if there level of consciousness wasn't high enough. And now again - solipsism wipes this all clean.
  4. Hmmm. Now that I think of it maybe suffering is not enough. Maybe it's something like being fed up with one's current way of being. Maybe Being fed up/will to change = amount of suffering * insight/inteligence Because for some people change is so scary that it actually in a way is more comfortable to stay in current way of being. Massaro says that if you don't change some behaviour it's because deep inside you still believe there is a benefit to that behaviour. Like for example some can subconsciously believe thst staying asleep and in suffering maybe is terrible but it ensures things like security, being understood and so on. So until the benefits of change outweight the scary parts like not being understood, going crazy - the person won't change. And for some it may be that not being understood, being alone, changing is scarier even than death. Also commiting suicide is just ego screaming for help. Sending a signal "look how much I suffered because od you world, so much that I'm going to kill myself".
  5. Excactly. But still - i still wonder why some who suffer so deep don't awaken. - They commit suicide. I don't understand. Maybe Leo will put a video out on this - i mean, he's the genius. But I just wonder why some awaken via suffering and some don't. Maybe they never got exposed to spirituality or maybe their mind just didn't expand enough.
  6. This guy shows how extremist Islam can get. They don’t value their life. They invented the suicide bombers. It’s insane how insane religion can get you. Stop enabling and support this sh1t..
  7. I might come back here and give some actual constructive criticism and nuances another time, but after trying (primarily Leo's advice from that 3 part series for a few months now) I just want to say that it's true Leo's perception has been distorted by living in Vegas and hanging out with PUAs. It's super different in other places in the world and even in the US there are few places where I would recommend taking Leo's advice word for word, although I would highly recommend it if your sole objective is improving your social skills and you had little to no investment in getting laid. For newcomers (i.e. anyone who hasn't been doing it for years) hardcore game is not a short-term strategy for getting laid unless you're a very good looking guy, just keep that in mind. At any rate, I just found out that apparently where I live, some white college kids might ask an older man to intimidate and coerce you to leave a bar after you approached and talked to their friends. I had no fucking impression I made anyone uncomfortable until this fucking old guy pulled me to the side and claimed to be a police officer. If I was thinking clearly I could've called the actual police right then and there. Instead I called suicide hotlines hours later. I'll just leave it at that.
  8. lol. I chuckled at this.. All depends on your priorities.. the cost of living in those cities are way too high for someone like me to be "worthwhile", it would literally be financial suicide for me. And bigger doesn't always mean better.. you can be in a very big city that is very misaligned in your values. I've lived in some densely populated cities and did not like them at all, people tend to be more "robotic" and superficial (tho I don't know much about NYC or London in particular). Even if I was loaded financially I still don't desire to live in giant cities.. so I just say do your research if you can. And well tbh if you reach a certain "state of consciousness" it doesn't matter as much where you live so long as it's peaceful and affordable. Thanks to the internet for instance.
  9. He is a bit oversmart. That's scary. It's like someone growing up way before time. It's threatening. Scary shit. You are very scary dude. Some serious sociopath issues going on. Delusional. Maniacal. He needs serious help. He tried committing suicide once by ingesting 100 pills. He got serious problems. Others aren't responsible for his state of misery. It's a bad dynamic. There is some sadomasochistic nihilistic factor going on as well. And there is some lovelessness and denial as well. He doesn't want to know that he has problems because that might go against his ego lol.
  10. Life doesn't care if you suffer. You are a soldier genetically programmed to advance. You also have software that prevents you from committing suicide. This is not kindergarten, this is war, and in case of war it is best to relax and enjoy the battle. It is a great show, intricate, full of brilliant intelligence, delving into it is of great beauty, but no one escapes its hardness.
  11. I'm too lazy to read this whole thread. But if you do ketamine you see how your consciousness can disassociate from your body and merge with materials around you. I have experienced this and have read many trip reports stating the same. So I suspect we don't die and just return to the source or void or the collective consciousness. Suicide doesn't work either. You can kill this body but you cannot kill your true self. We are eternal. That is my hunch anyway.
  12. It is said that God is unconditional love, yet in religions and spiritual concepts, they speak of punishment or negative karma after suicide... What kind of God would punish a person a second time who was already suffering too much to end their life? I don't find any positive view on suicide in spirituality / religions... Why ? So we are here, some of us suffer deeply almost/all their life and they don't have the right to end their suffering without bad consequences ? A loving God would provide comfort to a person who took their own life because they needed love the most.
  13. Notice how in the whole wide world people aren't running around crying how they're gonna die someday. They're only concerned about surviving. There are no chaotic outbursts from people having existential crisis's running around saying, jesus i'm gonna die someday. Notice how things are orderly chaotic. The sun shines every morning, night falls. Spring, summer, autumn, winter every year. Ever since you've been born every year same thing - except for contents. As in human bullshit, accidents, murder, wars, etc. Then natural disasters, hurricane, tsunamis, earthquakes etc, predictable chaos. I could write a book, just add in some stories, that's the only difference. That's what a DREAM is. That's what it is when there's nothing here, no people, no earth, no death, nobody doing anything. No mind no thoughts, no nothing. A friggin' void. No earth, no stars, no moon, no sun. No constellation, no planets, no clouds, no sky, no aliens, no people, no nothing. Tell people, they are God, they freak out. Tell people they don't exist, they freak out. Everybody wants to save you from hell, but ask for some rent money they tell you to fuck off. Everybody scared of something. Everything You name it. Somebody scared of it. All kinds of phobias. All kinds and of diseases. Everybody addicted to something. Taking drugs, alcohol, smoking, if not, work, sex, something. Gotta cling. Cling for dear life. Holding on for dear life. Hoarders hoarding some shit they don't even need. Gotta find something to do. Can't sit still. Hyper. Even if they cool with no worries, same shit. They so scared they just caved in and letting things ride. Wherever life takes them they say, Scared as shit. They're the most scared, so scared they chillin', cause any more scared they'd burst. At least the anxious getting it out somehow. Every other person wanna kill themselves at sometime or another. For 10 years they wanna kill themselves, but they even scared of that. We hate people but we on social media everyday, talking how much we hate people. Cant stand people but they on there everyday. We hate the world but cheer on the babies for coming here and mourn the dead. We hate life but scared to die. Don't make no sense. We hanging on, hanging on for dear life. For what, just to die anyway. We kill so we can live longer just to die anyway. We eat garbage, killing ourselves slowly but say suicide is wrong. Slow death, eating pure poison and rotting our insides but we're scared to die. That's it. So that should tell you something. Nobody is going to flinch. Nobody cares. That's not a part of the story. We're supposed to be living not dying. Why is everything like this. Because there's no one here, nothing here, Noone but the almighty Source. Source of everything. Nothing but It. Doing it all. Being it all. Experiencing it all. Loving it all. THE END.
  14. I've never really hit rock bottom that hard but this song's title is literally the number for a suicide prevention hotline, and his speech brought me to tears the first time i've heard it:
  15. Here might be a relevant song. Here is another popular song by citizen soldier. His songs are all about suicide.
  16. You don't hate yourself, hatred=destruction, annihilation, since you are here asking questions you don't hate yourself. So the first step you need to learn is to be honest. Everything that someone hates they wish it didn't exist. Hatred breeds violence, the highest act of self hatred is suicide, and genocide. Since you haven't done any of those things you don't hate yourself. You hate your situation, your environment. If things could go the way you want them too and you could feel like you are in control then you would love yourself. So your hatred is just a result of selfishness. To learn to love yourself you need to become a FAN of yourself. You need to find a passion, pursue it, and master it. This will create deep respect and admiration for yourself which will create Self-Love. Anyone that lacks passion in life, will lack Love for themselves. The other important aspect is framing. How you frame a situation can empower it or depower it. You need to learn to frame your memories in a positive manner that speaks with reverence and respect about you. Negative self-talk is the birth of self-hatred, the more you engage in it the worst you will feel. This means you need to be a friend to yourself if you want to experience a good life.
  17. Here a video of some people actually trying to talk or find Structural solutions for it. The Thing is , when there are a problem in the Gardenm, for example when Flowers are not bloosoming, we will blame the flowers first? or maybe we will check the soil, the enviromental changes, is raining? There are a toxic element in the soil? Not to say the Incels dont have a part on it. But the truth is, is they exist and there are loneliness, suicide etc.. is not just a choice
  18. I imagine that at some point I will just feel that my mission here is done or that my body does not longer allow me to pursue my mission so I should just move on. I think if we would know culturally that we are indeed Consciousness/Gods it would be normal to just come to realization in old age that it's time to move on. Imagine it. That it would be normal to decide that you know, I think I'm done, it was such a beatiful life, let's go further. You would inform your loved ones, and everyone would be rejoiced that you are going to transition to the next phase, you and your friends and family would make great last party and so on. Yeah. But realistically I would just travel to the country that supports euthanasia which I believe will be plenty when I get old. Or just stop eating and leave in meditation. Whatever. It's not that difficult to commit suicide.
  19. I may be wrong here, but I can’t imagine my great grandma working out in her state anymore. I think this has to be a lifelong activity before you get too old. I think there may be a point of no return where let’s say you can’t even hold your own body weight standing (when your 90 or so) working out and being able to come off a walker idk I don’t see it happening too often. I think it’s more common once your on a walker you tend to have it for life. like assisted suicide? Interesting. I think the ‘peaceful way’ would have to be important. I don’t think old people can will themselves to die even if they ‘want’ to but at what point would that be appropriate for you? Maybe you only know when you get there. When you get too far down the road even travel or sitting on a plane/bus/car becomes difficult (unless you do it at home somehow and don’t mess it up which might be painful). But I can even imagine there will be a lot of ‘home technology’/health tracking which would alert people or prevent you from doing this kind of stuff at home
  20. In my experience, suicidal thoughts happens when you are in a painful situation that you feel hopeless about changing. It is a form of escape that gets typically acted on on impulse when you happen to be in a seriously bad state. That is why it is important that you don't have any means of suicide in your vicinity, like a loaded gun. That is also why health professionals ask for how you intend to commit suicide when you tell them you are suicidal, so they can gauge how much danger you are in. You write that you are responding well to therapy which makes me believe that this is very much workable, this situation. It'll just take time. Please do not harm yourself in any way.
  21. I sent you one from New York times. I send you another from CNN. "The framework of the proposal was agreed to by negotiators in Paris at the end of last month. CNN previously reported that it would call for a first phase of civilian hostage releases to take place over a six-week pause, with three Palestinian prisoners held by Israel released for each civilian hostage returned from Gaza. That ratio would be expected to go up for Israel Defense Forces soldiers and a longer pause is possible beyond the six weeks for the later phases." Hamas has replied to Gaza hostage proposal | CNN Politics Why did Israel not agree to this? Numbers and material damage says otherwise. Number of hostages Hamas has taken is far lower than the number of Palestinian kids in Israeli prisons through the decades. These are verifiable things you know. Also I do not see Palestine taking any territory from Israel in recent decades. Name me some Palestinian settlements at the expense of Israel land? Most of civilian deaths and war crimes committed against Germany were done by USSR after the Nazis killed close to 27 million Soviets and 17 million civilians. They showed tons of restraint which I still find respectable. A lot of the bombings that the Allies did were to support USSR since they did not want to open a second front until 1944. Nakba - Wikipedia The Nakba (Arabic: النكبة an-Nakbah, lit. 'The Catastrophe') is the violent displacement and dispossession of Palestinians, along with the destruction of their society, culture, identity, political rights, and national aspirations. Sounds like devilry to me. Go and try to steal someone's home and see how they respond to that. In the USA, Israel biggest ally you will get shotguned in the face and the person that did it will not be legally charged since you are transpassing in their property. I would also argue a 12 year old kid spending the night in Israeli prisons outside in the cold is not much better than a Hamas tunnel. Lets not pretend Israel does not jail 20x more than Hamas kidnaps. I saw a report of a 84 year old woman detained in Israel jails. Is she also terrorist? Suicide bombing is indeed horrible, I cannot argue with that. I am not an expert on that topic but I read that the Israeli negotiator said something like "If I was in Palestine place I would not agree to it myself". I will try to find the sources after. Yet Israel does not want a Palestinian state even though the world including the west is saying it is the only solution. Personally I would say 1947 border would be the most fair split but I dont think it will happen. 1968 border it is then. BiBi does not accept that. Also you did not tell me any response regarding religion fueling Israel expansion. As a secular Isareli would like to hear your view on that. 🇮🇱 Israeli minister: The Bible says West Bank is ours - UpFront (youtube.com) This is the source of talk I despise the most from Israel. Using religious nonsense to justify devilry. Same people do not even allow DNA tests to check ancestry. Talk about "advanced society".
  22. @Karmadhi from top to down: I didn't see anywhere that hamas agreed to release them before the ground operation. It doesnt make sense, it would erase their efforts overnight. Please find me a link that proves that. Israel didnt cause "far more" I disagree with that. Also the context is important if not the most important thing. The Allied also did a tremendous damage to Germany. Nobody just kicked anyone out of the blue, in 1947 a totally civil war in its character has started and from then yes, its a whole Jungle. But Jews were almost only in deffence first until almost lost. Also, displacement and building in your territory although problematic is still not even close to suicide bombing and being hostage in hamas tunnels. 2nd intifada started right after a decade long of signed agreements between Israelis and Palestinians supposed to give them a lot of hope. The Palestinians physical area in the West Bank is much larger than central Israel due also to greater surface area due to the mountainy landscape by the way an another parameter I though about recently.
  23. This will be an analysis of a incident now in court from a spiral dynamics perspective Summary: Richard Bilkszto was a fill in principal attending a anti-racism training for the Toronto District School Board. The sessions were led by Kike Ojo-Thompson, founder of the KOJO Institute. Bilkszto alleged that Ojo-Thompson told educators that Canada could be considered more racist than the US. Bilkszto, who had previously taught at a high school in Buffalo, New York, completely disagreed with the suggestion and called out Ojo-Thompson, who allegedly lashed out at him. During a follow-up session the next week, Ojo-Thompson allegedly brought up the argument again. Bilkszto claimed that after he reported Ojo-Thompson’s alleged misconduct, the school board failed to look into it, appearing to side with the instructor. The Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB) eventually looked into the matter and found that Ojo-Thompson’s conduct “rises to the level of workplace harassment and bullying.” Then, following a six-week medical leave later that year, the district refused to reinstate his contract, which Bilkszto claimed was a result of either his fallen reputation or as retribution for having the WSIB investigate the incident. Richard Bilkszto eventually committed suicide and his family blamed the backlash and reputation harm as the cause. In my opinion this event shows many examples of a society transitioning from stage orange to stage green and what to expect, I will explain with further details of what happened: 1. Traditionally in a stage orange society most non-political institutions and companies actually avoid taking front facing political stands, focusing instead on donating behind the scene to causes. Due to the stage green transition of workplaces however companies are taking a public role in declaring alliances and directly educating their workers in their beliefs. This is resulting in conflict as older, stage orange employees aren’t used to direct ideological assertions they are forced to attend, as seen here in the principal, a 60 year old man, arguing with the educator. For example, A recording of her presentation which was verified by a Canadian journalist has more detail on Thompsons arguments for why Canada is more racist than the USA. She brings up an example of Canada’s Monarchist tradition as evidence for its racism. Claims like this would generate disagreement from stage orange, because Britain outlawed slavery decades before the US civil war and Canada’s creation. This however misses the stage green perspective the educator is giving that is about the symbol of the monarchy and colonialism itself, not the specific circumstances. 2. Stage orange is individualistic, as a result they tend to argue from the perspective of what was said rather than who is saying it. Stage green is collective and prioritizes advancing knowledge about structural and class issues. This can be seen in how specifically the principal and educator disagreed: Bilkszto was reinforcing the stage orange perspective by challenging her claim. This creates friction because the stage green perspective is that he is centering himself as someone with racial privilege over someone facing racial discrimination. The education they were receiving was not supposed to be open debate. 3. Stage green puts the collective over the individual. In a stage orange society normally it maintains traditions of often standing by someone you know even when they do wrong, or at least remaining silent. However stage green evolves to focusing on collective harm, and the transition includes greater emphasis on openly engaging in the criticism. This can be seen in how Bilkszto’s coworkers reacted: Bilkszto himself was let go after this event, he claims allegedly because of the accusations of racism. This is an extremely important survival mechanism for stage green collectivism, because an individual’s backlash against it can spurn further backlash, so all defensive mechanisms need to hastily stand against it as a warning to anyone else considering joining the backlash. See here, a stage orange journalist reporting the story expresses disappointment no one has publicly come out in support, likely to avoid facing backlash themselves. 4. Because stage orange is individualistic, generally it looks at events as more local to exactly what happened and maybe examples of more directly related factors, in this case stage orange people have been criticizing the school board and using this event as a negative example or anti-racist trainings in general. But similar to how collective stage blue will extrapolate further based on individual events (ex using a minority criminal as an argument against the minority as a whole), stage green views events from a wider lens. In this case stage green reaction to this event was to coalesce around the educator and push back against attempts to reform or reduce anti racism trainings in the future, because stage green prioritizes anti racism trainings (as a push back against racism in general). See the response from a Toronto MPP on Twitter: For further examples, a group of activists, students, and teachers have come out saying they are worried this event could hurt anti racism education initiatives and have produced a list of demands for the school board to affirm its anti racist stance and funding. sources: https://www.thefp.com/p/a-racist-smear-a-tarnished-career-suicide?utm_source=tfptwitter https://nypost.com/2023/07/24/ex-canadian-principal-who-sued-board-for-bullying-during-anti-racism-training-dies-by-suicide/#:~:text=A former Toronto principal has,more racist than the US. https://quillette.com/2023/07/21/rip-richard-bilkszto/ https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/hamilton/toronto-principal-suicide-weaponized-rhetoric-1.6928122 What is your opinion? Is my analysis off or wrong? What is the solution?
  24. I'll shoot a list at you with the raw data. More details can be discussed later on. I have done the LP course three times to 60% and I have been procrastinating on it on and off since 2017. I'll finish it soon ( haha) (In no particular order of importance) I love problem solving. I love thinking about solutions for situations in multiple novel and possibly original ways. I'm basically an idea generator on command. I'm vastly resourceful . I love speaking and communicating ideas. I love teaching and explaining. I love improv comedy. Sense of humor is a core part of my personality. It's literally impossible for me to be talking or thinking without funny perspectives or observations popping into my mind. Im passionate about studying and contemplating personal development ( embodying is a while different can of worms) , psychology ( understanding self esteem, beliefs, epistemology, self image, confidence, emotions, trauma, limiting beliefs and the raw instincts , biases and genetic expression of what it is like to be incarnated as a human being. I'm very patient with people, extremely humble ( no brag ). I've always been curious about philosophy and metaphysics. I'm also extremely radically openminded. I have consumed vast amounts of personal development content . I may have watched almost all of Leo's vids around 3 times if not more over last years, tons of attraction , game cold approach and social dynamics content. I love the potential of social drills and personal social experiments to trigger yourself or someone to release trauma and build confidence. Cold approach for the personal development gains is amazing as well. I'm in love with how they fuck with you on stage in RSD seminars to trigger you. Beautifully effective. I have done psychedelics a few times and I'm looking forward to doing more, mostly for trauma release purposes rather than metaphysical insight. I love singing and I definitely have an itch for music. A beautiful voice ( or chorus ) is one of the few thing that bring me to tears. I often fantasize about singing out loud in public. Music hypes me the fuck up way too much. I love putting emotion into speaking, funny voices, acting and expressing myself spontaneously. Since very young I have allways been interested in theater but never really got into it. I have a bazillion ideas for skits , short videos and cartoons but when I sit down in front of the pc by myself to start making it happen I feel I'm wasting my time terribly. It could be a hobby perhaps. I enjoy video editing but it also makes me feel im wasting my time . I love dancing and moving my body. It's also one of my favorite ways of socializing besides improv comedy. I love giving advice and listening to peoples problems. I have fantasized quite often about sitting on a bench in a busy street with a sign saying " tell me your problems" . I would mind doing this for free. I'm pretty introverted and have been extremely cripplingly shy in the past. I was raised pretty poor. I was raised in caravans and a shack. My mom has been an alcoholic my entire life and my dad is a functional alcoholic. I've played videogames for 16 hours per day until 17 years old. I've overcome my shyness by rewiring my beliefs and direct experience socializing. I was motivated because I had a crush on a girl from highschool. Overcoming shyness and building confidence is probably one of the most meaningful impacts I could have on people and the world if I had to choose. The thing is that due to life circumstances, perhaps health issues ( heavy metal toxicity, possible allergies ) and getting way too deep into spirituality from a young age , my ambition is and has been pretty minimal for now. I've gone through such a crippling Dark Night of the Soul at 21 it felt like my soul had been brutally raped and it had left scars on me till this very day. I also have access to a bliss state on command if I'm doing nothing and I focus on the present moment which further demotivating for material success. I'm pretty damn happy doing nothing but I battle lack of motivation . I like to think of myself as very creative, mostly mentally and not in the meaning of bringing things into existence. I'm also extremely frugal. I want to say the low ambition is genetic as well but I'm nowhere close to maxing out my genetic Ambition and I'm slowly working on that. I want to say I'm responsible and have vastly above average morals I thought about becoming a dating coach for men in the past. I love the personal transformation aspect but as of right now I don't see relationships as something very important. Getting laid is critically important for men and I've felt that exact pain before and it's very dear to my heart. When I think about Reckful's suicide and almost losing one of my best friend ti the same cause ( heartbreak, loneliness and dysfunctional beliefs ) it brings me to tears. I wouldn't mind being a life coach but I feel it's not exactly ideally IT yet. It's too serious for me to be motivated and excited in the long run. It's missing the room for sense of humor and playfulness. Also sitting in front of a screen is a waste of time Imo because Ideally I prefer to work with people face to face in front o a small crowd I believe, while involving the crowd, I think. The vision i've got right now is some sort of teacher for self esteem, confidence, playfulness , expression and personal development. Almost like an acting teacher focused on personal development. I'm notoriously inexpressive and monotone though as a fellow polish slav. And more specifically something like an Improv comedy teacher that works mostly with small group of 20 people, and sometimes one on one. But my twist would be focused on personal development, healing trauma, building confidence, social skills, expression , spontaneity and sense of humor. If it's not a game like this I couldn't keep it up for long. Lemme know what ya got
  25. welp, no advice here just me saying that i hate myself too. since i got out of the military ive been a suicidal mess. i hate the civilian world. my last hope was going back into that world as a mercenary but when my father cried when he got the news i simply couldent do it. so i just go through the motions now. im probably gonna end up taking another attempt real soon. 40 pills would usually kill a man but for some sick joke im still here. i hate myself and i hate my life. ive given up on any avenue for passion or purpose. my last one being the mercenary thing. by the time my dad dies im gonna be too old for the FFL theres no other mercenary force i would wanna fight for. so i just go through the motions. imaging and visualizing my suicide makes me happy now. again not advice, just me saying it can always get worse. and to let u know ur not alone. good luck