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About Nivsch

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  1. @Waken yes Just give love to myself when there is a thought and allow myself to react as i really want (do nothing about it). And yes you are right, the debate with the thought will never succeed. In private i mean questions not so about ocd but about self love because i see you have a lot of experience with that. If i will have question and if its ok. What you wrote really helps. I would like to hear an example of that.
  2. @Waken thank you very much!! I will need to read couple of times more what you wrote and i will want to message you in private after I will process it again. The example you gave about the anger is great and really connected dots for me here. My new CBT therapist, who is specialized specifically on OCD, said to me this week that I have to show the ocd that he cannot treaten me, and that sometimes you have to put him borders and say him like "i dont want to hear you. go away from my eyes". it sounds to me like condradicting the "being in harmony with all the parts of ourselves" But i dont know 🤷‍♂️ Also I had another breakthrough this week when I just said to the thought " Its totally fine that I have this thought and i dont have to do nothing about it. It can be here and I allow myself to feel it and its absolutely fine" with love to myself in the situation in LIVE (not stories about the child but just to support myself right now) and then I felt a huge improvement and it lasts and feel great again and again to say that.
  3. @impulse9 omg keen 6. The game of my childhood.
  4. Last week I did a heavy metal test which checks a hair sample. I started to add chlorela to my diet (0.5 spoon every day) and I plan to do another test after one year to see what have changed. Is hair test good enough indicator, or do I need also urine or blood test?
  5. Do you mean that (for example) I think I want to imagine myself as a child and hug myself, but in reality this isn't freeing me up and therefore, at least in that specific moment, its not really what I need? So tricky😆 The mind will want to do a formula of thinking about something he wants will work every time (as the example above with the child?) but the right thing to do is always changing its content, and the structure is more permanent. That's what you meant?
  6. I hope the rest of the message was for me By that you mean to trust myself in a deeper way that I know what I'm doing and something like that? thanks! its not working as I hoped to, but now I think I need to do it in a more subtle way, and not to push it to happen. Unfortunately this doesn't help me at all, unless I do it in an organized way, with a clock, for 15 minutes straight every day. but still not enough. @Raptorsin7 Thanks I want to do it but I cant in the next few years because I will still have to taper my AD. Thanks about that. It helped me to understand it better. I hope the anxiety will weaken in time as I think it has to in the long term if I do it correctly.
  7. This is only right for the state but not the stage which is more permanent. But i have another question: If psychedelics are artificial just like ssri drugs (for example) how can we trust them? I don't trust the ignorant people who make those psychedelics on laboratory. They are just like any scientist. Or, maybe psychedelics are mainly natural substances and only going through a relatively tiny artificial process. I dont know, I am asking.
  8. @Waken Yesterday I had a breakthrough when I felt high anxiety about the ocd thoughts, and about the fact that the self-love doesn't help. But then I had a new thought that said: "You don't have to do self-love, you don't have to do nothing! And then when I don't obligate myself to do it, this is the real self-acceptance and self-love." That was a huge relief. And then the anxiety melted away. it still here but less as I feel I have learned something new and very significant.
  9. @Waken Do you think that because I wanted too badly to feel the love in order to remove the fear, so it hasn't worked because it was too shallow and didnt came from a deep systemic place? Also I think right now that maybe the dramatic love scenes for my inner child can be too emotionally and too different from the regular state, and therefore can backfire and do more anxiety rather than less.
  10. If the anxiety and ocd won't get weaker and weaker over time, so why we do all that? They have to.
  11. @ted73104 probably the OCD has its sneaky stractural mechanics which take the thoughts and even the doing of self love as its hostage. What forces you to even deepen the self love to a point it can go outside this sneaky mechanism. Or something like that. I have learnd the mechanics of ocd but probably have more to learn and I started meeting with a new ocd specialist who is not ERP but rather think we have to come from a deeper place of restoring our own original position on the anxiety issues (and not the ocd perspective). Tommorow the 2nd meeting with him. I will respond more later.
  12. I just felt my image of the child I was who was relatively alone and not playing with the other kids and was unpopular. I Didn't try to compensate with thinking about social connections I did afterwards, during the more recent years (in my 20's). I just accepted him fully and saw the beauty of him unconditionally, and It really(!) succeeded. I really felt the love. Not just thoughts, but actually felt. But the anxiety still remain, and I still feel something bad will happen to me in the future. One on the forms of the fear is the fear of flying, and I have obsessive thoughts on that. I know the chance to crush is one in millions, but I FEEL something bad will happen when I am imagining it. The thoughts don't leave me. I know the OCD sits on self-esteem but the practice I just did with the self-love that succeded - didn't help now. sometimes it helps, now not and its a bit frustrating. I do mindfulness practices, I did heavy metal checking (results next week) and I don't know else what to do. If someone here has more suggestions I will thank him.
  13. I find myself in arguments with family when I try to explain how psychiatry - because of my personal process of reducing the drug - and other domains in western health treats our health in a simplified way I cannot agree with. Also I tried to say how our body is smart and can do amazing things to repair itself, under a correct lifestyle, and sometimes I feel that maybe they don't understand it. Maybe they do, but they didn't respond to that and for sure weren't merely as passionate as I am when I said that. Responses I get: 1. "The brain doesn't strive to maintain homeostasis. You give it too much credit" (in refering to the tolerance i said the brain developed to drugs). 2. "We can't rely on nature. In nature people lived only until age of 40yo". 3. "You dont believe in science and you are arrogant." 4. "You think you know the best. Better than psychiatrists and better than people who that is their proffession." Also an elephant can be triggered by these responses. My questions are: 1. What (the hell is) the emotion they feel inside, which makes them defend the western attitude all the time? What they feel inside that makes them not want to rely mainly on nature/on themselves but rather put their trust mainly on doctors? I really want to understand the emotion of the other side better. 2. How can I go meta in those arguments and let go of my attachment to the "natural self care" agenda, and make the conversation more constractive to both sides? I feel emotionally very attached to my view that it feels to me very difficult to really go meta here. Just to say that I know that western attitude can save lives in acute cases and it has its valid in this kind of things. Also I know that the body can't correct itself in every case. I still think my view is much better and more true than their, but i want to bridge between me and them and make them understand me better, and to understand them more.