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About funkychunkymonkey

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  • Birthday 12/27/1999

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    Lindenhurst NY
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  1. update! on maybe 15 mg rn no real effects i am like super grounded and i see that nobody is gonna get this fly off into notthingness you meaningless letters lol. not enough of a dose, im gonna wait an hour before i redose o 25/30 i am a heavyweight so i was afraid this would happen but hey i got all night i guess ill post more updates thanks for the support more mentions little kundalini tickle, like when u pee and u get that jitter LOL! my heart was beating fast but this chemical is so gentle its lovely
  2. here i go guys imma snort like 3 mg to allergy test would a dose this low cause a bad trip cuz its not strong enough to break me through?
  3. remember your dream could fall in your lap and you didnt even know it was ur dream i went suicidal and depressed when i got caught up in hating life cuz i hated my job then one day outa nowhere i do a little something online and people were looking for my military experience iescaped warehouse work and all that stuff now im a guard for Gucci ITS AWESOME! yeah just keep this in ur mind stay positive dont close doors you dont know might be open. that was my mistake.
  4. @Oppositionless do kriya yoga on dxm i literally slingshotted me into cessation but dxm is bad and as a matter of fact what do u guys think of dxm i def have been there doing a lot of that!
  5. WOW! ive been afraid this day would never come... I have done many things god amounts of tabs, double digit mushroom trips but i gotta be honest i know this is going to ruin all my idea of enlightenment. I am afraid! gotta be honest! reaching out to the community to say my time has come and if anyone has some advice i def have some questions! How can i allergy test this? will i have no choice but to trip allergy testing if its so potent? what should the substance look like? but more than anything i def wanna read what you guys think of malt and how was your first time?!?!
  6. @Majed sadly awakening just made me suicidal, i hate life. i once realized the bubble is all and i was in peace and once i feel back into "life" well it just went downhill now im looking into moving to canada so i can get euthanized... i always kinda knew shit would turn sour for me and i wouldent make it leos videos can fucking help you immensely his advice is very bold and deep, but are you willing to do the work? im not... i rather just die i dont wanna keep trying. in my case leo isnt talking to me i shouldent listen to him. thats me cant speak for others... and to add more context, im bipolar im a veteran who never adjusted back into normal life. I def am emotionally unstable especially when it comes to work.... the best thing i can do im doing, and i fucking hate it. and leo does warn about the ego twisting the teachings, im proof of that i use a lot of what he says to justify my suicide... selfishness is self defeating is a good one i like to use. welp the ego just is hardwired to self destruct!
  7. @LSD-Rumi lamotrigine only made me super erratic
  8. in a way... its made me just kinda sit there and enjoy my fucking misery for a few minutes and that was enough to keep me from taking the pills
  9. those places suck.....
  10. @Someone here this vid gave me peace. i still wanna do it and i hate my life. did not integrate back into society well. the vid gave me that sense of "not being trapped by life" leo just saying its your choice and that if i was in worse enough suffering i would do it its a fact of life might have saved me when i first saw this (idk ive made many attempts, and saw this a while back when it first came out.)
  11. welp, no advice here just me saying that i hate myself too. since i got out of the military ive been a suicidal mess. i hate the civilian world. my last hope was going back into that world as a mercenary but when my father cried when he got the news i simply couldent do it. so i just go through the motions now. im probably gonna end up taking another attempt real soon. 40 pills would usually kill a man but for some sick joke im still here. i hate myself and i hate my life. ive given up on any avenue for passion or purpose. my last one being the mercenary thing. by the time my dad dies im gonna be too old for the FFL theres no other mercenary force i would wanna fight for. so i just go through the motions. imaging and visualizing my suicide makes me happy now. again not advice, just me saying it can always get worse. and to let u know ur not alone. good luck
  12. ive given up. nothing wrong with it, just gotta deal with the fact youve given up. keep pushing do what you gotta do. maybe something can change. saying no nothing will change is stupid cuz you dont know that. if you give up just expect a downward spiral and dont fool yourself and blame life or anybody. I was a Marine that was the best of my life. i missed it i was going to go mercenary just to get back into that kind of life but because of the pain it would cause my parents i didnt do it. caused me deeper distress and misery. ive tried and tried to make things worse chase dreams, fail fail fail. at one point i said fuck it. ill just roll through the motions maybe something happens, something doesnt, maybe i lose it one day and end up pulling the trigger WHO KNOWS. the last avenue of hope is that maybe something in the future will change. if you give up as i have that possibility still stands you just arent gonna be looking for it anymore. thats like the last thread (for me at least mind you military is all i know i hate the civi world) to prevent suicide but thats all it takes if you are really open to the possibility one day something may change. its a life that doesnt have to be a sorry, life its a sorry life if you let it be a sorry life. try not to get hooked on drugs, coke, H, bars. im not speaking from the choir ive done enough blow to kill a whale and im still here sadly its just gonna complicate things further. take life slow and take it with a grain of salt if your that miserable, as i am. keeps the days more predictable. if its not clear at this point its just PURE survival. it doesnt feel fulfilling but hey its life. i was told life sucks, suck it up, so i do, idk, anyways. hope maybe this helps u out a little coming from someone whos in the shit too and not somebody who has never experienced trying to take thier own life from failures and complete hate for their own life. people who live a good life will never understand our struggle we gotta stick together. maybe advice like "oh your problems are imaginary" will help you out, it doesnt help me out not one bit. even the one time i realized i was everything and nobody else exists but me. there is no HUMAN there is no other people there is no anything. that insight is gone, its meaningless now i cant even tell if it was real or just a dream anymore. i advise you dont give up on self help at least take care of yourself and your body. this will create a little bit of comfort in you, cooking can create comfort in you if you learn to enjoy it. try new things but dont romanticize about them thats gonna bite you in the ass. good luck
  13. No its never worth it, people die, friends die, buildings level, war crimes (dont care what country you are you commit them its in the nature of the game) If your crazy enough to do it, thats it ur crazy. ive heard stories where my SSGT ordered up a tank and leveled a house and there was a family inside completely unarmed. they got the wrong coordinates (to go into this willingly u gotta be some sort of insane). This is POV from the ground. Politics, not my business some of us join just to fight (thats the crazy im talking about) and to have that comradery of brothers in arms, that cant be given to you in the civilian world. maybe as a cop maybe idk. leo is right when war is lose lose, some people go to the playing field anyways just cuz thats what they wanna do. those are the guys that usually stack bodies and come home with medals, the ones who joined just for college or had to be recruited in, not self motivated from birth. they get their lives utterly DESTROYED if they dont downright die, if they cant snap into kill mode to protect your new family in arms. Consciousness can conjure up scary stuff... especially when your enemy looks down your barrel and sees paradise.
  14. @Paradoxed i personally dont enjoy chess, it stresses me out