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People can't be happy. Being itself is more profound than happiness as a condition for a person. As it's totally free and undefined the realization of it allows happiness with a depth and freedom beyond the limited notions we might have about "happy". We have all kinda of ideas about what happiness is and what happiness looks like. Does seeing a happy person make you happy? if yes, you recognize yourself as happy. If no, you have the wonderful releasing of jealousy to explore. There's absolutely no shame in this, it's like when you were kid and you buried treasure for yourself to find in the sand pile later on. Happy "is" without having to even become a person, or any condition. So there isn't "happier" although letting go of ideas about required circumstances and causes for happiness will unveil your inherent bliss. Anything you think it is, it's way, way better than that. Oh my god, such a relief!

Apparently it was the cleanest dissociative of all time. And in relatively small doses I’ve heard it reported to literally induce a sort of state mimicking (kind of; maybe a just little bit ? ...) samādhi wherein one goes through their usual functional life from a completely detached perspective, while in the background there’s an orgasmically euphoric bliss (I haven’t used it myself so I can’t actually confirm). Stuff like that. And nothing can be improved upon the k hole (death of causality), but the “m hole” it seems is at least as incredible. Though at so-called “higher levels of consciousness” one could say this really does not matter. To whom it may concern, I don’t have a damn care in the world to use it. And I was very big on dissociatives for spiritual work. Apparently it was quite special in the eyes of recreational psychedelic users though.

Somethings changed in my life due to journaling and meditating, things are feeling lighter. Even after watching porn and eating out a lot, I notice theres no freakout moments. Its like taking time to journal/meditate ensures that there is no freakout. Freakouts occur when there is little expression, and the pent up stress is released as helplessness/unworthiness. It feels good just to express how I feel. Right now I am feeling pretty decent and smooth honestly, not as dense as I expected to feel. I know I have the strength and power to do anything that is necessary. I feel nostalgia, I love nostalgia, it is my favorite thing. The big orgasm is when I have nostalgia for a memory in which I had nostalgia lol. Its like the feeling of nostalgia is exponential. It feels pretty good when I look back and see that with all the apparent work all things that Ive wanted have been created. These past two years have been a time of preparation and getting ready to move forward with life. Thoughts come up about the church and how to deal with that stuff lol, it may be obvious looking back but its clear as fuck that the thoughts about the church can simply be let go of, when a thought about the church arises, I will let it go. Ha so fucking funny, letting it go. You are literally letting it go gracefully, most are conditioned to think that its all about a let-er who lets it go. Those thoughts will be let go of, the church stuff will fade away, as thoughts about the church stuff fade away, thats what its all about! Holy shit, its becoming obvious how direct creation is, like its automatic and right here, there never even needed to be a law of attraction, it simply is the case. The law of attraction has that Napoleon Hill / Success sound to it, its annoying lol. I like just calling it conscious creation, aligning thought and feeling and real-izing that creation is automatic and without a do-er, yet the thought of a do-er can arise. Journaling is nice, its like im exhausting all the thoughts and puking them out here, itll be so sweet to meditate and have slower thoughts. Self-Inquiry is the way, feeling the Me-ness and letting it melt more and more. Recognized that the air which flows in the lungs at once appears to be "me" but then it flows back out into the world, so it is not "me". Infinite Love must Love getting as dark and lost as possible, only to feel extreme bliss in remembering itself, wow! Life is great, theres so much shit to do, are there any real character flaws in this Bum? Or is it all just lil flimsy beliefs? It is just beliefs ha. No self, no problem. Ive taken a step closer to getting my real estate license and im more and more excited for it. I just know ill make so much money, I know the money is already on the way, the 100s of 1000s of dollars, I put 30k on my dreamboard as ive never seen 30k in my bank account, its nice to start at a "realistic" number, only to slowly build the momentum. First 30k, then Ill put 50k, then 80k, then 100k, then 200k, and so on! I watch videos of luxury home tours and theyre so inspiring! Imagining just being a responsible grown up, making shit tons of cash, being the man! With a family. Heres my plan for life that has nothing on LOA but fuck it: 20s: Make shit tons of cash and fuck around with a GF. 30s: Start a family and learn all the family stuffs. 40s: Reach the peak of that Man / Brain Power! Reach the peak of business performance and shit! 50s-70s: Reach the peak of life wisdom and family stuff, become a rich multi millionaire grandpa! 80s-death: Just get loose and be a crazy old man! Ill get to wear a diaper once again by the time im breaking to pieces! Woohoo! Human life is so cool, im so grateful to be a human, its beautiful. Everyone wants to "transcend" this shit, I wouldnt miss it for the world. I wanna get as green as possible and slowly turn yellow/brown and wither away. Humans are extremely powerful and cool. Im so excited im so excited, woohoo! Whenever I have an opportunity like this to sit and observe my own thoughts, I always make sure to craft exciting thoughts about my life and stuff. Whats most important than anything else, is being in touch with that excitement.

Ahhh, feels nice to be back in this space to be able to express openly without any judgement, taking a second to express this stuff right here. Ive been going to church a lot as I see Law of Attraction operating in that space, I see many people helping and offering guidance to me in the church. Sometimes theres a tendency to reject the church and theres a worry about being "Trapped" in the christianity shit, always reading the bible and whatnot, also pretending to agree with things that down right feel off. Thats how I feel right now and I blame it on the church, but its how im feeling right now and not about the church at all. I desire a life where theres no going to church at all, a life full of bad words, sunshine, nature, goodness, funny people, etc. I love the people at the church and stuff, but truth is I feel life pulling me somewhere free from church shit. How to resolve this stuff? The "issue" is that all that surrounds me in this space is the church life, maybe its all about simply focusing on what I want and working towards that, and not freaking out about the church, maybe with Love and Joy the church stuff will naturally fade away as I melt into the awesome shit I want. That is pretty exciting and inspiring, to be able to focus on what I want and not really paying attention at all to "what is". I want to be making six figures in the very near future, enough money to move out and buy a nice house somewhere, this not only opens up my independence, but it also opens the space for me to begin owning multiple properties, thats where the gold is at. Residual income! In comes the residual income . Ignorance really is bliss, and most of us are conditioned to perpetuate the belief that there is something behind what is being said right now, the truth is there is only what is being said/typed right now, so what thought is is what thought is. At one point its about suffering and fear and now its about the awesome stuff im gonna be accomplishing in my life. Im patting myself on the back right now, I notice there were no freakouts emotionally all day which is great! I love that totally! Todays been a steady stream of excitement and contentment, with a sprinkle of pessimism here and there (okay ill admit it was more than a sprinkle). How am I feeling right now? Im not feeling overwhelment, im not frustrated or bored either as im enjoying typing this journal entry. Feels like some contentment with some hopefulness beginning to settle in. I do feel hopeful that I can possibly get everything I want, I feel hopefulness in that ive gotten through all obstacles before, and can possibly continue getting through them no matter what. All it takes is patience and focus, no, fuck patience that isnt needed either. Patience is another blockage, no need for patience, the Joy can be felt now I know it. The time has come to let go of the burdens as the pastor at my church told me, hes a good guy. The burdens are no more! The cork is floating. Expression is already 90% of the effortless work, the other 10% is joyfully watching it all unfold if that makes sense. Theres some doubtfulness going on, how do I know I am hopeful? Im a bit disappointed in how its all turning out but disappointment feels better than doubt as im no longer doubting but accepting that what is IS but only that its disappointed. Its overwhelming to always be juggling between "this" and "that", its overwhelming to create the belief that theres a shadow to all things, this discord can begin getting cut off with single pointed-ness. There is a frustrated energy at play, like the ball of love is shaking from containing all of this raw energy, this raw energy is being bundled up as a result of pessimistic thoughts that are creating the blockage effect. The pessimistic thoughts are about church and the belief systems and thoughts about other people. I release these thoughts, focusing on these thoughts will never actually solve anything, therefore it is a waste of energy, much much better to begin focusing on the now. In the now begins boredom, a highly transient emotion, it is the origin point of the blockage effect, the make it or break it emotion. I choose to bask in this boredom and accept that I am indeed perfectly capable of Love and Creation, yet the blockage effect is operating on a subtle level, wait no there is no blockage effect at all anymore, just now. I put my focus on how I feel right now sensationally, I am enjoying the music im listening to, its nice. The body feels a bit bloated from dinner but otherwise nothing else going on that crazy, although it feels great to express all this stuff and it is inspiring hopefulness, as I know that expression is where the seeds begin to sprout. I know things can get better, I know things are getting better already right now, Ive been increasing the sensitivity of this body. Ive been taking steps each day to further bring/attract financial independence and a cool girlfriend, the steps are already in place, the map is already in place. Im grateful for this opportunity to be a creator and enjoy this unfoldment. I have been more social and I know im capable of all that I set out to do, there are no real limitations at all, theres only what is / isnt wanted. Ive eaten healthier today which I pat myself on the back for, Im doing great! Fuck yea! I had a GOL shake with cacao, pollo tropical, and some food from outback steakhouse, today was certainly a step up food wise. Tomorrow I will have the GOL shake and then later a home cooked meal of whatever id like, the next positive move forward is to get used to eating home cooked foods. It is certainly a good step. Im feeling very sleepy right now which is great, id like to knock and go to sleep, im gonna sleep so fucking well I know it. With Love and Joy, Bag of Trash

I felt great last night, I was exploding with energy and ready to go, I didnt want to sleep but did anyways. I woke up with wendys in my stomach getting burned away and im feeling better, I had my GOL Loophole shake (Thanks Nahm!) with some cacao for that blissful smooth energy. Im trying it with L-Theanine, lets see how it goes, the mellow buzz from cacao combined with the calm focus of L Theanine will be pretty cool. I notice the ability to "smoothen" the process of thinking and immediately go with what I want is a real powerful skill, thought can actually be smoothened and sped up and more exciting. Its all about warming up the engine, which is why journaling in the morning is great! Im already feeling the excitement building up within me. Ill be going to church today and itll be cool to hear people saying nice words over each other. The people at church are really worshipping Love and Joy, so we are all on the same page no matter what. Its fun to be able to deliberately choose to be happy and joyous (same thing lol). The food I eat either supports or hurts vibration, not really hurt but more like stiffles. If I ate a nice fruit salad and was super excited, I feel like my excitement would be superman levels, so im excited to start giving it a shot, ill be eating healthier slimmer meals, maybe the GOL shake and later a fruit salad with honey, or maybe just the GOL shake, ill go by how im feeling. Food gives us the opportunity to consciously choose our fuel source its quite awesome. Like the choice IS the miracle, the ability to choose my fuel source whether it be wendys and sprite or GOL Shake and fruit salads or healthy fats is awesome. Infinite Love is in the bliss of being this human being, this vehicle is fun and cool. Sometimes I look at my hands and its like looking at miracles, I really appreciate this creation. How these hands are inseparable from all cosmic events, quite awesome. Im starting to build up, I can feel it, the thought process is smoothening and loosening up. What do I do with this morning, well this morning doesnt need to be manipulated but what is this time for for this one? Its all about setting the tone for the day, and choosing how I feel and declaring that for the rest of the day, this builds the momentum of awesomeness. I choose to feel good and put all my focus on that! The dreamboard is powerful indeed, the power comes from being in touch with Joy and Love, then the dream board makes sense and the things on it are seen being manifested. I learned I can put the little things on it and appreciate those things as well, the little wins! The little wins are actually where the powers at, the little wins are what most people overlook, we are conditioned to think that the big wins are the only ones that matter, nope its all about the little wins, as the big wins are made up of multiple little wins! Im excited, I can feel the energy levels increasing, the GOL Shake is in cooperation with the body, they are fusing together. Food is my best friend, my relationship with food is closer than even a sexual experience, as the food I eat becomes one with me forever, the GOL shake is fusing with me, at the cellular level, it feels good. My energy levels are increasing, my capacity for seeing the Joy that already is is increasing woohoo! I can bring this Joy everywhere I go honestly, it really doesnt matter, Im awesome no matter what. I notice theres a momentum building up of seeing the bright side to every single thing. This is very alien to me, but I welcome it and accept it, like a welcome surprise. I never knew this was possible for myself, only it was an ideal. This way of living fills me up with so much energy and excitement, im human as fuck right now! Every positive thought is like a gift that needs no thanks, it just feels good to launch these rockets of Love. Its crazy that this Love shit is the norm for some people, and it makes sense how it could be the case. I get excited when I drive past houses, I like architecture and creation, I see all the signs of my real estate success in my neighborhood, tons of shit being built everywhere! My neighborhood is booming, and a bunch of rich people from the north are coming over to this area. Theres lots of opportunity all over the place for me and for everyone! Im feeling excited and aroused too! Yes hormones! The body is like "Create, Create, Create!". Im filled with life and excitement, I can go on about this forever, like a mirror of love mirroring itself on and on. I want a girlfriend, a beautiful and cool girlfriend of course, someone who is wise would be nice, she doesnt need to know anything, but its that attitude of open mindedness that is perfect. What else can I do right now? I notice energy can be spent on finding answers to questions, or there can be pure creation without questions. Questions are blockage-forming honestly and pointless. Some questions are great for short term stuff like how do I open a door? But most questions (existential especially) are formulated in such a way that there really is no answer to them. Im excited for the future, being rich and responsible with my stuff, having kids and being humbled by my family, tripping on psychedelics for fun! Meeting cool people! Like this whole time source has been most patiently waiting to be found once again, the stream of pure goodness. Okay, I can dedicate some time to my real estate course, just 20 mins a day thats all, just put 20 mins on my timer and begin, thats all thats needed, theres nothing else in it. This is taking the steps towards making a lot of money doing something fun and something that suits my personality more, I will do this! Its all just memorization, that is all. I can do 20 mins of studying and reading points and then go for a bike ride! Cardio after learning is proven to strengthen the memory of what was learned. Its all right here, all the pieces of the puzzle and guidance is all here. Today I will enjoy resting and slowly building the momentum of Joy, no need to do any work today, all thats wanted is to rest in this blanket of Love.

Thanks for creating this topic. This is highly inspiring and motivating to see the journey of others ? 1) How long are you into spiritual path? I am interested in spirituality since I was 16. But didn't know what to look for exactly and it was more of a curiosity. Time passed and 10 yrs later I found out, that I achieved almost all of my worldly desires but there was no real happiness. In the time I tried many different forms of meditation, reality creation, yoga, qigong, psychedelics, etc. but only last year when I stumbled upon the teachings of ramana maharshi everything makes perfectly sense to me. Thats when the real journey started and the intense desire for realizing the true self arose. So serious seeking only since 1 year. 2) How many trips on psychedelics have you experienced? And what psychedelics? A lot of low/mid level trips with almost every psychedelics (LSD,DMT,Psilocybin,2CB,Ketamin,5-Meo-DMT,Salvia,...). I nevery experienced complete ego death, because I have very high respect of those molecules and was never able to push me this far. But there were a lot of profound experiences which lead me to where I am right now. 3) How often do you meditate? 30-60min every day since last year. 4) Has your life gotten better or worse? How? Neither. My mental state did not really change that much. I am neither more happy nor more depressed. But my desire for liberation increased dramatically. When I meditate more, I reach places of intense bliss and peace and my live becomes more joyful. But when the ego deception cicks back in I can potentially waste a lot of time only playing video games or what ever my ego desires at that time. I recognize those patterns more and more and in the long run, I am sure that everything will become better, because meditation gets easier over time and the desire for real peace and practise will be stronger than the desire to experience temporary pleasures. 5) What are your main insides, what advice could you give to others? There are so many labels on spirituality and many of them are only deceiving. You can potentially do "spiritual practise" for years but in the end realize, that all of it was just a ego satisfaction strategy. I know when I was about 23 yrs old when I watched a video from leo about self inquiry and thought "hmm that sounds boring, I would rather like to manifest my dream girl or job or whatever". Not saying that something like reality creation is not valuable, but if you TRULY desire liberation, this is not a direct way and can hinder you to see what is really important. The biggest game changer was the teachings of Maharshi, Maharaj and the quotes on https://albigen.com/uarelove/ Only then I realized that almost everything I did before were only detours.

Victim identity. Victim identity is the only thing that can truly make you waste your life. Just look at how some people with horrible childhoods or who are terminally ill go into absolute acceptance and go into absolute bliss. They were dealt the worst cards, but didn't keep the victim identity

Because you resist to it. For instance, i am a guy who doesn’t give a fuck about talk to girls and you are very shy about it. This your ego you resist to it and surrendering did not happens if you try to talk to a girl. However, you must overcome from it. If you overcome from your all fears every moment will be bliss.l and you will be with the source. Because the things that you are afraid you must overcome from them, but after that there will be no more “you”. ??

Muslims in general are good, decent, honest, kind, law-abiding people who want nothing but the best for their children and for their neighbours and country. Islam on the other hand i.e. the Quran is full of hatred for unbelievers and non-Muslims - almost 60% of the Quran is about denouncing the kufar and descriptions of the preparations of the hell-fires which will torture and consume all unbelievers for the rest of eternity while only Muslims (not sure if Shia, Sunni, Ahmadiya, Sufi??) will enjoy eternal bliss.

It can be proplem. The constant need to take care of the body. To eat, shit, and piss and shower. Is carrying a body a burden or a bliss? The soul is identified with an imaginary temporary physical avatar.. For a while. Not for long time but for a while. The more I recognize my true nature and then compare it to the body.. The more I see the body as a burden. A burden that I have to carry on for my whole life. Babysitting this body. Task after task. Feed me. Please Me. Rest me. Move me. Clean me. Over and over again. A chore after a chore. Until I fall dead after reaching the limit of exhaustion. A house of diseases. A house of desires. The never-ending desire that doesn't amount to anything other than the multiplication of itself and the expansion of disappointment. A house of needs. A house of lacking and constant aiming. The mind can be at ease. The soul can just be content in the now. The body has to perform effort and chase after it's "needs". There seems to be a conflict between the body and the soul. The nature of limitation VS unlimitedness. What is your relationship with your body?

Perhaps I wasn't given much freedom for me or anyone in one of the strictest diets. It's uncommon to catch oneself on vegetables and fruits and think this is the way eating or drinking should be, it's merely if I'm ready to have a boss I'll let diets and things tell me how to live my life. I tried almost a month of these liquids and for now I don't believe in controlling powers. I'd rather adopt another diet which is bliss to me and I don't know how to eat right. On the other hand low fat high carb vegan is a possibility.

That sounds like slowly relating to pain differently. Not cure for cancer. Maybe I misunderstood and nobody claimed that definately being a thing. Other than that, I still disagree with your elitistic view on spirituality. That spirituality comes hierachically after life of survival has turned to life of luxury. If I had to guess you read somewhere about Maslows hierarchy of needs and took it on faith. First survival needs, then social, then x and then spirituality (which apparently just is me and my states of bliss and enlightenment. Others are just illusion? Not saying you think that but generally seems to be the view in this forum). There is no empiric studies made on maslows pyramid scheme tho. People with no security in life make art. People with no job or income help others. Peoole get married after quitting treatment for their incurable illness. These people actually reflect pinnacle of spirituality in my view way more than someone who thinks he is on top of the world because God hooked him up with life that is dope enought for him to finally have some time to try to solve the puzzle God made to hide himself.

" I went into a seemingly timeless cognitive delusion where I was the creator of everything that ever was, ever has been, and ever could be. I was, without a doubt, the all-powerful god and could cause life to exist with my imagination. After I imagined myself into existence multiple lives of eternal bliss, I got more adventurous. I imagined into existence more ridiculous scenarios of how far I could go from god. I gained an immense amount of satisfaction by tricking myself into believing that I was not god. I loved making myself worship myself, argue about myself, live for myself, and kill for myself. I did this repeatedly because the moment that I became god got so much funnier the deeper from god I went. I imagined billions of universes into existence and every single one of them was exactly how I wanted it to be—the perfect mixture of pain, pleasure, and humor. I made it all into a cosmic joke. As the creator of this cosmic joke, my jokes were both sadistic and masochistic in nature. I was responsible for billions of years of pain, horror, and destruction. I used them as plot devices for my jokes. These concepts had no emotional attachment at the time due to my strong feelings of duality. I tortured myself billions of times for the sake of a laugh. I wanted to experience all there was to experience—even pain. I created existences for myself in which I suffered from deliberating mental disorders and mental retardation. I knew that nothing could ultimately hurt me in the end. I had no choice but to use pain and pleasure equally. It was as if all of existence could be divided into two equal parts—the yin and the yang, the good and the evil, pain and pleasure, everything and nothing, life and death. I made all of my universes with this duality in mind. I warped the yin and yang into as many ways possible, but I made it satisfying and humorous too. I plotted my universes to the smallest detail on the cellular level. It was a cosmic game at best, but a game worth playing to the ends of infinity, no matter how terrible it appeared to get. I had designed it this way myself in advance and was not afraid to live all of its existence. I had made it absolutely perfect for myself." https://m.psychonautwiki.org/wiki/Experience:150mg_MDMA_%2B_20mg_2C-B_-_I_designed_it_this_way_myself

Thats the thing. Spirituality with any depth isnt just my little inner project. My insight, my state of consciousness. Why? All that shit is off the window, retreat after retreat and Trip after trip when im in contact with people close to me, family, friends etc. And when interacting with people in general. Thats where rubber hits the road indeed. And thats where shit gets complicated and not so simple and nice and blissfull. So maybe there is more to it than just trying to see it as illusion. Maybe it doesnt seem like that because it isnt. Maybe we shouldnt try to find some state of inner love where I can stay in this high bliss state and bring love and care to where its difficult. Between us.

@Adodd Spiritual bypassing tends to be linked to the concept of 'staying with what is'. In other words to sit with one's pain and not to sweep things under the rug. But sometimes this so called spiritual bypassing can actually be a good thing. One can get stuck in just sitting with one's pain. So taking the counterintuitive route, and simply imagining a new past where you were infinitely fulfilled, can work wonders. A healthy combination of shadow work and bliss work is key.

It stays intense as fuck but gets less scary and more manageable. Ive had about 15 or so changa trips. Similar to ayahuasca yes. Not the same though and not 5meo dmt at all. Changa is just smoked nn dmt and harmalas, ayahuasca is drinking nn dmt and harmalas. You can even experiment with drinking the maoi than smoking the dmt (or vice versa) instead of smoking both or drinking both. Changa is hardcore man. Start off small. I dont reccomend mixing psychedelics without doing a LOT of research and having a sitter the first few times because people react very differently to it but Changa on lsd is an unimaginable bliss for me.

Hi @Loving Radiance You really don't have a choice to create the illusion of separateness. If you're experiencing at all what I've been experiencing, concepts, labels, judgements, and separations have been loosing grip over you over time. In a few months from now, you'll be completely immersed in a deeper oneness than you thought possible. If you try to fight it and create the duality, you'll suffer. I understand the strangeness of the realization that "no one's there", but ask yourself, who is there to judge the strangeness of this situation as a bad thing? Nobody! I have an uncomfortable sensation when I "merge" with everything if the experience is only a visual or mental one. The more in touch you are with the senses of touch, smell, and sound, I think you'll find the experience more pleasant, at least i do. Also get in touch with beauty, gratitude, and bliss by learning to fill yourself with these emotions at will. Right now you're asking what you need to "do" to "manage" your awakening. Stop listening to those thoughts and enjoy the experience. "A bottomless pit is the safest place to fall into" - Sadhguru

Yes. Self inquiry got me there, along with some kundalini work. When I had a lot of thoughts and self doubt. There was a lot of ego to unravel. I had a moment at the end of it, after my self inquiry, meditation, detox etc where the ego was lost completely. I had a white light spiritual experience, which I cannot describe to you adequately. What we know as love here if you amplified that so it was everything, if you took a yoga bliss feeling and turned it up tenfold. Then had the cloud of that light linger for the next two days as you walked around. No drugs. Just routine over six months. Only etherium black and gold for dream recall until that stopped working. Then life hits you in the face. You get some pain and suffering. The ego comes back or reforms in its protective role. Slowly the world changes as time passes and the ego has to come back further.

Guys, please help. Lately I have been doing pretty bad. It feels as I hit the wall of my life. I have apathy and cannot construct meaning to move on in life as I used to. I was hit by terrible depression. Sometime reality feels unbearable. I have zero energy to go and conquer the world. Everything is falling apart: personal life – will face divorce, most likely this year, education: no power or interest to work/continue my master’s, work: started a new job in a new company, have no clue if they keep me there for a long time. Am I facing a dark night? I have so much fear, fear of unknown. Every achievement in life feels empty. I cannot enjoy things. Sometimes, I want to fall asleep and not face existence. I do not have anything to lean on, feeling very insecure. One day could cry from divine bliss, another day suicidal thoughts. One day awareness is so high, another day I turn into ignorant bitch, everything flies out the window, all my wisdom. I cannot recognize myself anymore. My identity or illusion of it feels very strange. Guys, how did you keep your jobs during this period of your life. I have to support myself somehow financially, but I am not sure if I can concentrate on my job duties when falling apart like this. I have zero energy. Sometimes, it feels that I am falling into a dark whole of my life, to the lowest.

1) How long are you into spiritual path? 7-8 years, but the path didn’t really start until the last ~2 — that’s an important distinction. In my estimation, once the path to truth-at-all-costs begins, it ain’t taking more than a few years at the most... ? it would be unbearable... unless detouring massively. Once the path starts, a hallmark I can illuminate is: embarrassment of your own naivety 3 days ago, on a constant running basis — it’s that swift — i.e. it ain’t taking 20 fucking years. 2) How many trips on psychedelics have you experienced? And what psychedelics? Hundreds. Lots of psychedelics (practically all of them aside from obscure research chems, though I’ve tried some of those too) and some dissociatives. Favorites include: LSD-25, 5-MeO-DMT, RS-ketamine, N,N-DMT. 3) How often do you meditate? Automatically (without any intention or effort) nearly all the time, but an occasional 10 minute sit every now and then. Used to sit up to 5 hours a day — Jhana access, witnessing, noting, etc. Learned primarily from Culadasa’s TMI, and also STF and TWIM and many others like Kenneth Folk and Daniel Ingram, Buddha/Sutras, etc. Ramana style inquiry; Witnessing; etc. Adyashanti... etc etc... 4) Has your life gotten better or worse? How? Literally a different order of being. Incomparable to what I was before. Nothing that makes sense on either side makes sense on (or relates to) the other. But before the path resolved so completely, I followed a book called Seeing That Frees by Rob Burbea as an adjunct to my meditation practice, and I would say I was about 10x happier than I was before getting skilled at meditation. I did a Metta practice during daily activities — this seemed to be associated with my relationships seeming to magically fall perfectly into place in easy flow. Highly recommend Metta, though I don’t really practice these days. Anything that uncovers the underlying natural flow of the dream-world-universe = good. Don’t underestimate how powerful meditation can be. If you are unaware that some of the states access-able in meditation are more intensely blissful than the cleanest drugs in existence, well now you know — believe it or not. There’s more to life than meditation, but having access to clean and as-overwhelming-as-you-want bliss at any given time? Or even some modicum of that? It can change you in a really nice way, and allows you to move onto other things. That had nothing to do with enlightenment, though at the time I was quite sure it did. Buddhist paths to enlightenment hardly make sense to me anymore... To wake up, you simply must want to wake up to truth at all costs, and that’s literally all there is to it! ? Keep on going until the end of knowledge and seeking is reached — nothing further to know, literally. And not even that, really. And it actually does not make sense — that may well be the strangest part about this. 5) What are your main insides, want advice could you give to others? This is the entire whole. Alone. Already. It’s funny how many times I heard that yet didn’t (couldn’t) even hear it. There is only God’s plan — play. Plan is rather misleading as it suggests time — there is only timeless infinite creation; play. If you’ll excuse the word God — it’s not important. Your whole problem as a seeker is that: You actually are not seeing what cannot be simpler! Right now... It’s like there’s the pretense of not getting a joke. You aren’t “the void and not the play.” You light up both and are everything but not anything in particular. There’s no fixed you witnessing what’s appearing. There’s just what appears, it’s everything, there’s no separate person, and what appears isn’t actually something that appears. There’s no it. If you think you’ve been seeking truth, and you think you’ve been doing it for more than 3 years, then your next step is to realize you’ve really been doing something other than seeking truth. The only truth is that there is truth — I am THAT I am. To want enlightenment is to misunderstand it. Any claim to knowledge is a confession of ignorance.

Okay, so kundalini energy is really nothing to mess around with. I had it explode about three years ago (long story). Fast forward three years and it's coming back. I can feel different chakras opening with energy. The most notable one has been the third eye. I feel pressure there daily, and also I've started noticing my crown and throat gaining energy. What's scary, is how powerful the root Chakra can get. This past Saturday it felt as though I was going to lose control of myself again, as it happened previously. I had a spontaneous awakening three years ago from practicing sex energy retention. What's been happening now is no matter what I do, if I release this energy or not (most times will happen in my sleep) I can feel kundalini getting stronger. I have been meditating for about 5 months and my body will do spontaneous movement where my head will swirl around and I will rock back and forth or side to side. I've been scrambling to try and figure out what I should do to prevent or prepare for something explosive again, because I'm experiencing the same sort of sensations and feelings as I did three years ago. There was a period of time where I got put on really strong anti psychotic medication, and I've been off them for around a year and a half. No one should have to live with those medications, as they make one a zombie and suicidal. I guess what I'm getting at is, do I try to work on the other Chakra centers? I've started guided meditations for each one. But for some reason I feel that they are opening up by themselves. Synchronicity has been ramping up as well, and from my experience, this means that something big is going to happen right around the corner. My biggest fear, is ultimately myself. Because kundalini is just you, realizing yourself. If I said I wasn't scared, I'd be lying. Literally no one I know other than myself has had such a scary, powerful awakening. Any advice or input would be great. Thanks. Edit: I will often get spontaneous arousal, and I've had moments of erotic bliss. From what I've read I have to hold the sexual energy in to allow kundalini to rise. But who knows? The internet is a double edged sword and the little information o find tends to be vague.

@BenG to add to what @Consilience said: here's a shocker, you know how people say it's about the journey not the destination? Well you're fucked because there is no destination ?. The journey is bliss. All the cells in your body working 24/7 to something greater, the mind dreaming of greater and greater things to accomplish. The seemingly inexhaustible "hunger" is not greed, it is the energy of existence itself. "MORE!" -Universe

Discussed topics: Death, Paradox, Mind, Oneness, Lucid Dreams, Searching/Chasing, Seeker, Repetitive Questions, Existential Crisis, Stories, Survival, Identity, Neediness, Solipsism, Philosophy, Infinity, God, Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, Law of Attraction, Future, Fear, Heaven, Wordlessness, Life, Control, Doing, Neurosis, No-Self, Fun, Energy, Thoughts, Ideas, Freedom, Tranquillity, Absolute, Free Will, Doubt, Mystery, Yoga, Breathwork, Formlessness, Ignorance, Bliss, Perfection, Home

Let's not sugarcoat this by saying 'oh he willingly and gracefully left this plain of existence so he could experience eternal bliss'. No that's nonsense, he killed himself because he was in hell and saw no other way out. He was drowning in his own misery and thought psychedelics and non-duality was his way out. It wasn't. I feel bad for him, very bad. And he won't be the last. Because non-dual teachings are not geared toward leading a happy and fulfilling life. You aren't going to magically 'ascend', that's just ego illusion.

Dam RIP. I wonder is this an attempt to bypass the suffering of being a human and going straight to the truth? During suicidal times of my life I wondered why shouldn't I just commit suicide and go straight to the truth and then simply restart the game and bypass this unnecessary suffering and torment. This reminds of @SoonHei. On the surface he seemed to be a happy and integrated guy, but I wonder why both of them felt the desire/need to commit suicide. Maybe this is mahasamadhi, a conscious choice to leave the body? One thing I can say from experience is the desire to help other people and share spiritual insights etc may be rooted in a desire to transcend one's own suffering. So they try their best to help others with the hope that they may in turn help themselves. I think he thought death was the path to bliss. It's tough because I also believe this, but I know you can experience divine bliss and peace without death so I don't feel an argue to off myself, but maybe if you haven't experienced that you would see that as a viable option?