flowboy

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  1. Remember A Success I remember the first coaching call I did, I was super nervous, but I had been preparing a lot: the ideas just flowed out of me. My first client was very happy with me, because it is just apparently something I naturally do well. I will continue to learn and improve, but I feel great knowing that I tend to be great at things I choose to do from the start. That's a success. I am successful. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for beets. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. Because of the great flow it was actually a lot of fun. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I finished what I started. I split my pull request up into smaller, more readable parts, as I have been preaching I tested thoroughly Daily reflection question: What are the two extremes that the current balancing act is about? Extreme 1: spend all my free time with my girlfriend, sleep in with her, adjust my schedule to her, delay my dream indefinitely Extreme 2: see my girlfriend only once a week at most, because her being there disrupts some parts of my morning and evening routines
  2. AMAZING SALAD WORKFLOW My brain is working super fast. I'm thinking fast, I'm answering fast. My words are confident, my voice is strong and what I say makes sense. I'm 100% with it. My programming and problem solving is going in a nice tempo, it's very enjoyable, and I am aware of everything. I'm making full use of my working memory. I'm being efficient. My code is beautiful. I'm not even interested in any distractions. My body is producing a flood of good neurotransmitters and I constantly feel tingly and excited. This is truly better than caffeinated, not just in how good I feel, but also how sharp I am and the quality of my output. ** SAVE GAME ** Ingredients: Saying affirmations Cold shower (did not even run) Day 5 since last peak orgasm Breakfast: Water with pieces of fresh lemon, kurkuma and magnesium powder Scrambled eggs Herbal coffee with cayenne pepper Ginger tea Lunch: Salad with zucchini, black beans, beets, avocado, tuna, olive oil, and more good stuff No almond milk in the fake coffee, no protein shake, no oatmeal. These are the remaining suspects. What's clear is that salad is the bomb for performance. And maybe fasting is too, but this way, I get to eat.
  3. Does Oatmeal make me sluggish, or is it the protein shakes? For the past couple months I have been making oatmeal for lunch. I can't eat bread because gluten kills my concentration, oats are supposed to be okay however. But are they? All I know is my 2 data points: yesterday I had oatmeal for lunch and I rated my performance at 50% today I had a salad with lots of fresh veggies, beans, fish and olive oil, and a smoothie, and I rate my performance at 85% So why not make this salad every day? Well, it's a lot more expensive. About 10 euros per meal, whereas oatmeal costs next to nothing. Unless I replace my dinner with oatmeal, and get my vegetables and proteins with this lunch salad. That could work. I need more data. Tomorrow I will try to eat my warm dinner at lunchtime and see what that does for my focus. Fresh salads are really the best for focus. This was great.
  4. Remember A Success I remember deciding to write some sales letters, and quickly getting my first customer from that. It really gives me confidence, knowing that I'm talented at sales and marketing as well. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for having good friends who want to go on vacation with me, and include me in their cool plans If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I finished what I started. I did not tolerate any distraction, and busted through the brain fog. Daily reflection question: What expectations can I let go of? I could let go of the expectation that I'm ever going to see L again. She's in another country. If it happens, it happens. I could let go of the expectation that the friends I invited will be able to join I could let go of the expectation that D wants to be monogamous. We haven't even talked about that, so why worry. I could let go of the expectation that the threeway I have planned is actually going to happen. If it does, great. if not, I enjoyed planning it.
  5. Remember A Success I remember taking Spanish lessons for a season, and being instantly at the top of my class. I feel really successful, knowing that everything I do I can quickly become successful at. Something I'm Grateful For This day, I am grateful for meeting such a great woman. I am also grateful for stumbling upon the CA course - the sales training is awesome. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I worked towards my dream today - by taking a sales training and by taking driving lessons. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I honored my commitment to excellence by taking copious notes and not procrastinating at all. I also did my entire mindset ritual in the morning, even though it seemed like al lot of work, because it's so new. I also honored my commitment to excellence by packing my gym bag the previous night for myself, so that this morning I could get up and instantly go to the gym at 6:15AM. Daily reflection question: How can I do this with more love? I could ask myself what's in D's best interest to know, instead of blindly wanting to unload everything. I could not put any pressure on the people I am looking to have a threesome with, and really completely understand if it doesn't go as planned I could study my driving notes and theory from time to time, because I love people and don't want to kill them with my car
  6. Remember A Success I sold my first client on the first call!! I didn't even know that the recommended format was a phone call, I just did a video call and improvised the whole thing. And I closed I feel very blessed and successful Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for meeting a really high quality woman who is exactly the type I was hoping to meet, and dating her. And she lives right next door to me. God must really like me If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I woke up next to my ideal woman and then worked towards my dream (by doing a sales training) How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today I honored my commitment to excellence by taking a lot of notes, but taking them orderly and organising them as I went along, so that they will be readable later I also honored my commitment to excellence by evaluating my KPIs from last week and planning a realistic next week Daily Reflection Question: How can I take myself out of the equation? By telling D. the full truth about my feelings about monogamy, even though it may cause her to want to leave
  7. Things worked out beautifully with D. I shared openly with her some of my struggles and imperfections that I had been hiding. She said she was so glad I did that because she was planning on having the exact same talk with me that day! Turns out both of us thought the other only wanted a superficial dating relationship! But actually we both want a deep connection. Unreal. Obviously, I'm really happy now.
  8. I dream of many things but lately I'm always smoking cigarettes in the dream. Or giving in to a craving for them. I started the day with porn. Unintentionally (I told myself it was part of the vision work - it wasn't) From there on, it was very hard to focus on work kbecause I had wild group sex scenarios in my mind. And thoughts like: "Why am I trying to date one person and fantasizing about group sex all the time. I should be dating a group!" 🤣 Well it's kind of not a joke. But I'm so physically excited all day I can't think straight. Or sit still. Not sure if it was the magnesium, the ginger or the turmeric, or just the 7 days no peak orgasm... but something's up with my body. It doesn't wanna work. It wants to get busy😋 Remember A Success When my team was on vacation and I made radical design changes and threw all the old work out. I had a vision. Yes some people were pissed at me, but the customer loved it. I felt really successful there. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for my health If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by moving my calendar items around until I was sure that it would fit. I could have done better at the excellence, to be frank. I'm not sure about whether the code I'm writing is useful and I've been distracting myself with porn and social stuff. Daily Reflection Question: What is the one thing you know you must do, but have been avoiding for a long time? A: Can't think of anything right now. I tend to handle my shit
  9. Remember A Success When I joined an improv comedy course, it turned out to be a spiritual experience for me and quite transformative. People started asking me whether I had done it before, because what flowed through me was so funny and creative. But I had no idea where that came from. This is yet another example of me being successful at something. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for the drug fuelled orgy experience I had a couple years ago. That memory brings me joy every time. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No: I was highly disciplined today, but my mind was dragging its heels, so if I would die tomorrow I would rather have been in a spa today. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by implementing a test that I really did not feel like implementing at the moment, but it does improve code quality. Daily Reflection Question: What is the most emotionally difficult thing I could do here? Hmmmm.... I have to talk to D and find out whether we both want a relationship or not. But that's not something to do right now. I think I pretty much have it handled. My entire day was emotionally difficult decisions, because I was mentally tired and feeling unawake, but persisted in doing what the schedule says. Suddenly, from deep in my subconscious, an old dream came out from the shadows: to be a good musician and play in a band. Now, I have to find out whether that dream is still relevant. Music is important to me because I used to love playing, and it's one connection to my dad who is a musician and composer. And I have totally been ignoring it. So it feels very integrative, the idea of introducing it into my life again. But the dream of being in a band and playing shows? The 16 year old me wanted that, because he was hoping to get girls that way. Which, I have to admit, still means something to me. To have girls adore me without having to do anything, just by reputation alone. No game, no body language practice, no approaching. Just them approaching me. That would be awesome. Why am I even judging that?
  10. Remember A Success When I was the first at my local Toastmasters club to organize a collaboration with a vocal coach. I pulled it off and presented the entire evening, too. I even had to dodge random aggressive dudes on the way there, so I could make it happen on time. I feel truly proud and successful, knowing that I organised that event well. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for having a healthy body. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No: I was productive, but this menial programming is not the highest leverage use of my mind. I can do greater things. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by writing down and tracking every edge case and loose end I could think of. Also, I did zero distraction before and during work. Daily Reflection Question: Where and how am I being a victim? Hmmm... I play victim to my low budget, complaining that I can't afford the healthy food I want, even though I chose to overspend on unhealthy food earlier this month and that is why
  11. Remember A Success When several teammates were worried over a part of the code becoming messy, they asked me to help refactor it. And like so many other times, I used my superior ability to intuitively refactor code into a nice architecture, and everyone was happy. Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful for D, who I used to date but is now a friend, for actually remaining in my life. She pointed out the sunrise to me and got me to look outside and appreciate it. I value that. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I worked on the mindset module, designing my new character. As well as cleaning up old tasks and projects, and scheduling the most important ones. Both absolutely essential for my well-being. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Today, I honored my commitment to excellence by sitting down to do the work, even though I really did NOT feel like it. Which is logical. I've given my character too much leash to mess around the past couple days. Now it thinks it can just avoid work. No sir.
  12. Just met the first person who intuitively thinks the same about determinism as a way out of regret and into freedom. What is it called when people think so much alike, they could have been brain twins? Talking to him, I feel like my way of thinking is not weird, not something to be adapted, but amazing, unique and valuable. I finally feel validated in being completely myself, not having to change one little thing to be more palatable, more relatable, more understood. I want to remember and maintain this frame and way of being, for when I am with my girl. I gotta value myself and my uniqueness
  13. Backlash I drank coffee 2 days in a row and went quite insane. I have been pretending to work for 3 days, saying yes and amen to colleagues, lying about being at work while actually reading this forum, instagram and other things in an insane manner. Not out of interest, but just to escape. Now there's pressure on me to complete 3 days of work within a few hours, or my lie will become obvious. Also I overspent my money on food, overate sugar and unhealthy stuff, jerked off to porn. Until enjoyment became sheer panic. Putting more pressure on myself, which doesn't work. Drinking caffeine, increasing stress and anxiety, which doesn't help. Why am I not able to stop it? Actually, I am: I just don't want to. On some level, I would rather have this temporary insanity because it lets me be free to do unimportant things. I even crave sex with girls I'm not attracted to! Just because I crave for 'what I do' to not matter so much. My ego wants me to be a good worker, it creates pressure but then it also hates that pressure and will bend many rules to escape it. Why is it not enough that I let myself do these things one day a week? I truly feel like a drug addict. I hate the feeling of being caffeinated, but still I go really out of my way to go buy a cup. Like a self-sabotaging robot. I should create some sort of pattern interrupt sequence for myself, because this is a recurring problem which impacts my happiness and self esteem. The dopamine monkey gets to take over the wheel, because the disciplined monk is not able to produce satisfaction. I suspect this is directly related to how big my list of things to do is. The bigger, the more unrealistic, the less worthwhile it seems to even start. So I could have prevented this by trimming it down on time. I even feel like smoking tobacco now, and if I had it I probably would. But I won't really go to buy or ask for it, I don't want to fall that low. Edit: I'm so out of my mind that I lost the ability to understand and read carefully. Or make rational choices. I'm trying to put on a rational face towards my colleague, trying to evaluate and comment on his work. APPARENTLY I'M STILL SAYING SMART THINGS even though I feel like I have no clue what's going on. I drank so much caffeine and put so much pressure that I fucked myself out of clear reasoning ability. Panic blocks understanding. I need to commit to a permanent way to handle this. This is just not cute anymore. It's also not cool and immoral to disappoint colleagues and stick them with all the work that I did not deliver on. Also, if I can't handle this tiny amount of pressure, how am I going to handle the pressures of being an entrepreneur? I have to implement a habit of regularly trimming my stack of to-do items. Just like clipping my fingernails. Also, I have to remember that coffee doesn't make me productive, it just makes me panic and hate myself.
  14. The 'other' people have a rigid identity that limits them in what they can and can't do and like. You don't have that burden. Don't try and build one, if you don't like to be limited Don't hang out with judgmental people. Be free. Paint your nails and play with men when you want. I do.
  15. @Alfonsoo You need to look for a painful problem that real people have, that you can solve. Maybe with cooking skills, maybe with other skills. Starting with what you like is a selfish approach to business, and therefore it seldom works.