flowboy

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  1. By BEING it. Have a purpose in your life that you are passionate about and prioritize over sex Have a cool, interesting life that you are satisfied with, do cool things, travel, hobbies, passions, friends, just live a life that she'd like to be invited into. Have women friends and learn to understand, empathize and connect with the feminine Do you have those things? If not, well then it's going to be hard and counterproductive to come across as-if. It's much easier and more satisfying to actually improve your life. It also doesn't take as much effort as you think. Time pointlessly texting girls is much better spent going out into the world and developing yourself as a man. If you are already doing those things... ONLY IF... then worry about calibration and how you come across. The beauty of actually BEING IT, is that it doesn't matter what you text, you can just suggest a time and place and WHO YOU ARE will do the work for you, when you actually are on the date. It's like sitting back and relaxing, while your self-actualized personality shines and draws her in. Then, of course she'll want sex at some point. BONUS TIP: The feminine wants sex as the cherry on top, after the story / adventure plays out. That's why: She doesn't skip to the end of a movie (neither would you) You need to have a fun date with her, or a fun couple hours spread out over different dates, before it's bedroom time She doesn't go home at 11PM to have sex with you, she wants to have experienced a fun night out first You need to not talk about sex, focus on having fun together. Whether you'll have sex (or whether you even like her enough for that) needs to be a fun mystery in her mind until later You talking about "wanna fuck" off the bat, shows that you don't understand women, therefore they don't want to meet you
  2. She was being honest. Why would she give out her number? Because girls like to make new connections. You should only text her if you really want her as a friend. If she's cool, she'll go out with you and help you pick up other girls. If you're going to be secretly desiring to get with her all the time, though, it's not going to work and you shouldn't waste each other's time.
  3. No, it's not necessary. Your body can turn any slow-digesting long chain carb into glucose, and it's much healthier to let the body do that, than to eat sugar. How much time have you given it? I'd expect you to feel better than ever after 3-4 weeks. Stick it out you won't regret it.
  4. @Kid A On paper, technically, you are doing enough things right. The value of pickup theory is not in teaching you the perfect things to do, that if you didn't do them, you wouldn't get laid. No. All it does, is to encourage guys to do what they would naturally do, if it weren't for some subconscious force inhibiting them from it. It's about getting back to your natural state, where you escalate without even having the concept of escalating in your mind, of touching someone without any reason except that's what feels right in the moment. The big trap of theory is that you come to a date with this list of things to do and not do, this "plan" in your mind. That's what creates the off-putting vibe. The agenda. The sense of "this guy has a plan that he's not telling me about". The best results happen in moments where you don't have a plan, but you're willing to take a risk and go with the flow, venturing bravely into the unknown. I encounter this principle daily, not just when I go on dates, but also in coaching sessions. And in many other life situations. Example 1: had a great date a week ago where I continuously felt awkward, out of place, unprepared, we didn't even speak the same language for God's sake. I was continuously pushed to that point where I had to say to myself: "I don't know what the hell to do here, but let's go with it". And it turned out to become a really good experience once I let go. Example 2: had a coaching session where someone brought up a blockage where I just couldn't find any model or tool which I had prepared, that would fit this. I had to throw out my knowledge and preconceived plans, and basically just explore based on intuition and improvisation. Turned out to be a very transformative session. Plans, models and theories are at a certain point just escapes from facing the unknown, the uniqueness and unpredictability of the moment. And when you throw them out, and make that decision to go ahead anyway without knowing what to do, that little twist of courage creates a positive, inspiring energy that gets picked up by the people around you and makes the interaction better and more productive. This is why Owen from RSD made that point about "yesterday's insights become today's sticking points" (I'm paraphrasing - this point has been made by spiritual teachers as well) You can learn without hanging on to tactics and theories - in fact this accelerates learning and also helps you to trust yourself in the moment. This acting based on what feels right in the moment creates a better vibe. I'd encourage you to practice just coming back to the moment, and basing everything you say and do, whether it's in conversation or escalation, just on what comes to you spontaneously, rather than accumulated knowledge. I'm belabouring this point a bit too much now perhaps, but when someone is acting based on their preconceived plan in their head - it feels creepy. Or if not creepy, it feels "not right" - like that salesman that talks to you in the street about donating to some charity, and you know he's using a script. Or that store worker who is asking you "Can I help you with something" right when you come in, and you just know he says that to everyone, just to sell you something. It comes down to being present to the moment instead of in your head. When I'm in my head, I can tell the funniest stories and people still want to get the hell away from me. Because they can sense that "something's up". I'm not willing to be here, in the moment. I'm thinking of strategies to escalate in my head. Going with the flow creates that positive vibe that you could be missing. Being in the moment. Being willing to be couragous whilst not knowing what to do at all.
  5. @Eternal Unity I'd start by replacing coffee with tea. It causes way less anxiety. Then once you're comfortable there, you can look at maybe taking 1 pill a day instead of 2. Ideally, the best way to feel great, make the most progress and sleep well is to take nothing on a daily basis, but there can be good reasons for why that's not immediately a good idea.
  6. Make a decision that you'd rather feel this, than (binge eat / whatever pattern you're trying to break) and the negativity that follows that. Knowing that if you choose to feel it fully, it will get resolved, but if you escape it, you'll never be free. Also being aware that whatever you're feeling, is there for a reason: it needs to be felt. Your subconscious needs you to pay attention to this and fully feel it. If you do not, it will just keep coming back stronger. I mean, "often", or "on a daily basis" is good to shoot for. Always is aiming very high, and I personally believe it would get perfectly boring. As long as we're alive, we'll occasionally invent things to feel negative about and want to change. It keeps life interesting. Though I can relate to wanting to always feel serene after a rough period, it's a perfectly natural desire. I don't know if you include shadow work and emotional healing work in your definition of consciousness work, but they're important. I see two categories: Work to make the ego healthy. Includes shadow work, inner child work, trauma release, different forms of therapy. Work to transcend the ego. Meditation, yoga, enlightenment work, psychedelics. I believe both categories are needed to experience the aforementioned state on a daily basis, feeling serenity and inner peace, bliss, and joy. Transcending an unhealthy ego creates very unbalanced humans. Think of the neo-advaita type that always wants to point out that "there is no I" and that's an answer to all your problems, and is kind of an unempathetic asshole about it. Just doing shadow work and healing can also be a trap, because there's always more to heal, you're never completely done. And so people who are too much on that side are always busy healing, their heads up their own ass so to speak, and never get ready to actually live their lives. But both are important.
  7. @Mada_ How to never binge eat again... binge eating, just like anything pleasureable-but-destructive, is an escape into pleasure FROM something else. So to quit, you need a better way of dealing with that something else. Let me paint you a picture. From a calm and 'full' state, where everything is okay, you feel loved, safe and serene, and not worried about a thing, extremely pleasurable activities with a self destructive edge, such as binge eating junk food, or even bingeing Netflix or video games, don't seem that attractive. From that state, all you want to eat is what is healthy, and no more than you need. High-dopamine activities would just disturb your peace. You may consider getting into an excited state for something that truly excites you, a passion of yours, knowing it's not self destructive. You may feel the desire to move your body, work out, or be productive. But anything with destructive side effects just doesn't seem worth it. Because you're perfectly fine where you are. You don't need anything. You may be thinking "Yeah, sounds great Erik, but who can ever achieve that living in society? I'm not a Tibetan Monk." The point I'm making is not that you should be in this state always. Just that you can always get back to it. You can probably remember moments like this, perhaps after exercise, after sex, after breathing exercises, or out in nature with the sun on your face. Now when you are doing the self destructive habit, solve for X. X = the difference between the serene state I just described, and how you actually feel. That's what needs to be dealt with. The simplest way to start doing that, is to just focus on how it feels in your body. Inspect all of the sensations that are there, and let them be there. If you feel very tense or a tinge of sadness, fully accept and be okay with feeling tense and sad. If you're okay with feeling it, then no need for binge eating or anything else. After 5 minutes of focusing on that feeling itself, it will probably start to reveal itself to you what needs to be healed. Is it pain from the past? Then you can heal it through shadow work. Are you feeling worthless, not listened to, ignored, guilty for existing? Could very well be from the past, you can do inner child work and after a couple sessions you will start having a different response to the same situation. Are you feeling stressed and worried about the future? Devise a plan, write down the steps of what you are going to do about it, and put them on your calendar. You'll probably feel different after that. Are you feeling frustrated because you didn't communicate something that you should have? Someone crossed your boundaries, you said yes to something you shouldn't have, or held back a criticism that you should have expressed? Communicate it to that person. Are you simply too excited about something, and you're bottling the excitement up, it has nowhere to go? (this is what made me binge eat sometimes) Then do a wild happy dance and move until the energy dissipates. And so, the reason for escaping can be identified with just a few minutes of full undivided attention, and then the issue can be taken care of. Removing the need for the escapism.
  8. If you struggle with low self-esteem and insecurity, I'd invite you to ask yourself the question: When did I last have it? You can't permanently solve a problem in the present when the origin is not in the present. Common advice like talking nicely to yourself, "stopping" negative self-talk, practicing loving yourself, and giving yourself other ego boosts like buying a new dress or a new haircut, it is like mopping with the faucet still open, as the Dutch proverb goes. Children are born with healthy self esteem. It is the default state. Then shit happens. Sometimes that shit is being denied love and attention from mum or dad when you needed it. Not being listened to. Being forced to listen to them, make them feel good, or even take care of them instead, whilst you needed to be a child. Anything that didn't give you all the space to be yourself and get all the loving attention and listening to that you needed, creates the instilled message: "I am not good enough to be loved in the way that I apparently need". This core "not-enoughness" later manifests into different insecurities, like insecurities about your looks, or your capabilities at work, or whether you feel good enough to get a love partner to not leave you. Whatever it is. The root is all the same. It doesn't have to come from the parents, sometimes we are getting plenty of loving attention from the parents and allowed to be ourselves, but then we go to school and our peers reject us completely, or force us to be something else than we are if we don't want to be ostracized. Bullying is another common factor in low self esteem. That was the one that was the biggest contributor for my low self-esteem personally. It wasn't until I found and addressed the root cause, that my life profoundly began to change. I've seen this in others as well. Self-esteem is not something you have to "get". It is your birthright. Sometimes you lose it along the way, and if you are willing to go back and fully feel and thereby heal that experience, you are worthy and enough once again.
  9. @Jon_Bundesen We all need to unwind and take a break from the most important thing. It nourishes the soul and sparks creativity. If you know your direction and purpose, great. Put your best energy towards that. But there will be a chunk of your daily or weekly time, that you can not productively put towards that one thing. That time is better used recharging by doing something totally unrelated.
  10. It could very well be a lack of life experience. I would trust my intuition on that. Ah, I see where you'd get stuck that way. Choices are hard when you have the expectation that they should last forever. Or that they should be "right". Or that they can be "wrong". There are no wrong choices. Everything is learning. And when you get sick enough of stagnating, you'll find yourself making choices. Those choices will get you the life experience you need, in order to learn what you want and don't want. Almost everyone who found a purpose, got their start by choosing a bunch of things that turned out to be "not it". So did Leo. So did I. So did everyone. What would have happened if Leo had expected himself to come up with his ultimate life purpose straight out of college, and put pressure on himself to choose the 100% forever "right thing" from his couch, before trying a bunch of things? He'd still be on that couch. The path is choosing what feels right, without overthinking it, because all we can do is work with the information that we have, and then when it turns out to not be right, we pivot to something else. You can not steer a parked car. It has to be set in motion first.
  11. @Valach I understand the difficult position that puts you in. I also struggled with expectations and deadlines and got very stressed out with worries whilst communicating with companies that made job offers to me. More money is great, but that should only be a deciding factor if both choices seem good regardless of money. Here's a question for you to ask yourself: If I just heard from a psychic that with a 100% certainty, everything is going to work out for me, and I'm always going to have enough money, what choice would I make here?
  12. @KoryKat I'm seeing a lot of different directions here: crypto trading, book covers, life coaching, affiliate marketing... these are worlds apart. The common factor is you, to meet your needs of making money to escape the 9-to-5. That's okay and that's valid, but the world does not reward a selfish interest. If you want to make money, online or offline, real money, you have to shift into wanting to help others, and then help yourself in the process by charging for it. Even the life coaching is just for you: I'm not seeing that you have a clear idea of who you want to coach and why, and I understand that, because you're looking for a way to earn money. That's fine and you will earn money, but only if you shift out of this needy mindset, and start thinking about who you want to help. It's literally that. What type of people would you love to help? The more affinity you feel with them, the better. You have to find a category of people (maybe they are like you, maybe they are like yourself from the past, maybe they are more people like someone you love and care about, your sister who struggled with X, maybe they work in a field you are fascinated with) When you define that, then you can start to find out what they need help with. By talking to a lot of them. From there, you can create a product or service, or even an informational website or channel and then monetize that. But it starts with an authentic desire to help a specific group of people you care about for some reason. If you don't really care and are only in it for yourself, people can smell that miles away and you won't make money long term.
  13. @Husseinisdoingfine I've felt like this more times than I can count. There's been a lot of moments where I saw something being done, which I already came up with, but was not in the right position to execute on. I felt angry and powerless. These days, I just take it as a sign that I'm in tune with what is supposed to be created, and able to come up with good ideas. The attachment to one specific idea, and the discouragement when someone else already does it, comes from placing too much importance on a specific idea, and undervaluing my ability to come up with the right stuff at the right time. I noticed that whenever I came up with something good, I had an underlying fear that it was my one and only chance, and I'd never come up with a good one after that. Reality is quite different. It's not a race to "get there first" or else all is lost. It is only that if you make it so. Inventors and entrepreneurs pivot lots of times, more often than not, the thing that ends up making them successful at helping lots of people is completely different from what they started with. Your drive to help people, and your ability to come up with solutions, is where your value is. That's what matters. And no one can do it like you can. No one can think exactly like you, sense what you sense, come up with what you come up with, view things the way you do, perceive what you perceive, experience what you experience, learn what you learn, and give your own unique version of the value you give. And there's room for much more than one. If you look at any invention that has been successful, you will see that there's a handfull of companies producing different versions for different people, and many of them are successful. Because customers are different, they have different needs and preferences. One product can not serve them all. If you still want to help paralyzed people, then nothing much is different. As long as there are still paralyzed people who can not walk, you still have a purpose. Spinal cord stimulation will not work for everyone, and for the ones it does work for, it may cause other problems, have deficiencies, or there will be a need for other additional solutions to different pains and problems that arise when this one idea has been invented. The possibilities to help are endless, when you trust your creativity.
  14. Setting Healthy Boundaries & How Natasha used Breathwork to Unblock her Throat Chakra - a fun conversation I had with friends