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About flowboy

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  1. @Judy2 No I personally don't, but I'm sure there's people here that do! I personally never really get the sniffles, only when I'm really in pain do I take paracetamol (when I had covid) And even then I just suffer through it on many days instead of taking it. I'm actually unfamiliar with what "cold medication" is ... in the Netherlands we don't take medication when we have a cold But a fever can really hurt. I still take paracetamol for that when it gets bad, I'd love an alternative for that too... but I don't know. Perhaps @Michael569 knows something?
  2. Yes. Ibuprofen kills your stomach lining and paracetamol poisons the liver and gives your child adhd if you take it during pregnancy. I'm not an expert on this but I do remember this anecdote from a friend who sees a lot of suicidal patients: When a patient is brought into the ER with an overdose of pills (from a suicide attempt, under the influence or not), the question is always: Did they take a bunch of psychiatric medications, like sleeping pills or antidepressants? If that's all they took, they can pump the stomach, give IV fluids and have good hopes of the patient waking up. Or did they swallow a pack of OTC cough medicine, or pain relievers that have paracetamol in them? Well, fuck, then they're dead.
  3. @BlessedLion Amazing experience. She is not your person. She is just a stop on the way. I haven't heard you say that you feel a deep connection with her. If you did, you would know. In my experience, the desire to be noncommittal follows from not feeling a deep connection. So there is no basis for an open relationship here. Because there is no basis for a relationship. When you meet someone you can go deep with, you will know. It's just not this one.
  4. Contact me privately and I'll show you how.
  5. I'm going to give you my read on it, and allow myself to be a little direct with you. You can disagree and that's perfectly fine: The highlighted parts are what's really keeping you from being an art director. They are judgments/false beliefs, pieces of shadow, that need to be transcended for you to be what you envision yourself being. If you don't investigate and overcome these limiters, you will never be an art director. The 10-15 year timeframe is an illusion, you may as well say 'not'. People change so much in that time span that it's not realistic or useful to plan that far ahead. I think it's an unconscious smokescreen for a mindset block. You've got a reason for not going for it, and that reason will not be fixed by waiting 10 years. Only challenging your beliefs will help, and you may as well start now. To unpack that: You're keeping a belief that the only way to move up quickly in the world is through shady and manipulative ways. There's plenty of evidence to the contrary, if you go find some and challenge this belief, you'll find the real fear that is fuelling it. You'r keeping a belief that introverts can't lead people. Again, plenty of evidence to the contrary. I advise you to go find some, because if you keep believing that introverts are incompatible with leadership positions, you'll never get there. You're keeping a belief that leaders 'command around people', in other words, you judge leadership. Same here: not true, but if you hang on to that and don't dismantle that belief, it's not that 10-15 years will change anything. Until you challenge this part. Networking and contacts are blockers for you, I assume this relates to the 'introvert' thought. I can relate, I am also an introvert and don't like networking. Waiting 10-15 years will not magically change that. If this is a requirement for your dream, you should be networking and building contacts today. Anything else is procrastination.
  6. @RendHeaven I hope she reads your words not just one time but many times on different days. I think you provided a wise, integrous and heartfelt satsang to her personally. If she'd like a practical exercise to try, I've gotten good feedback on this video of mine: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjG_4MSZDP0 Which might help her too, at least get a start in the journey of feeling deeper.
  7. That's a commonly made mistake, that one could simply think really hard and remember what past event is really bothering them. It's understandable, but rests on a mistaken view of the psyche and the unconscious. For something to become conditioning/trauma, means it is repressed from conscious access. The repression system, consisting of gating mechanisms in the brain + the endorphin production system, literally prevents the person from remembering. Often times the entire memory is inaccessible then, and other times the events and facts are somewhat accessible but not the emotional depth of it. This is when people remember their childhood as "fine" and nice and uneventful, or feels like somethings were a bit hard but they dealt with it just fine, but that's not at all how it really felt. There's no thinking your way around it, because the body is doing its best to block conscious access. In the mean time, this stored pain bubbles up to the surface in moments that the repression system is not paying attention, or overloaded/busy dealing with something else. An everyday life stressor causes an anxiety attack. The person has nightmares or even night terrors. Or, more commonly, emotionally overreact, with anxiety or anger, to an everyday interpersonal situation, because it is similar enough to the original buried painful memory to make the emotion bubble up to the surface, whilst at the same time the repression system is still working hard to protect the person at all cost from the truth of what painful thing he/she is really being reminded of. Thus, overreaction and projection are born.
  8. In general, I think it is good to not only do what everyone else does, for example: yes an artist should have an instagram and a portfolio on artist websites, but literally every artist has one, so you're in high competition there if your only touchpoint is online. People like to hire people from their own network, if they qualify. Even if I've seen someone face to face only once, that person is a lot more real to me than just a digital profile. If the world is trending towards using social media to get clients, stand out by doing the opposite: meet lots of people face to face.
  9. This is why I asked these concrete questions. What does it mean to you, to break into the field? This is just an expression. Does it mean being an art director? What does being an art director mean to you? Is it someone who gets creative assignments and works on them with a team? If it is that, for example, and I'm just speaking in terms of what it means to you: What is the difference between that and what you are doing? Because if that is what you want to do, you could go get an assignment and go put some freelance artists together to do it with you, and become an art director in one day. Provided that you already have the contacts. I would suppose that perhaps what you're missing is contacts, networking. Knowing people in companies that need art, knowing lots of freelance artists that trust you. But that could be me projecting, since it is my weakness which I have to work on. I tend to be shy about what I do, and introducing myself to people who might need my services, or know people who might, is scary, therefore building contacts has been the one glaringly obvious thing that I have omitted doing. So what's the concrete difference between what you are doing, and what the person who you want to be is doing? Is it skill? Is it contacts? Something else?
  10. He spent 12-16 hours a day drawing for 4 years. He does character design, basically draws monsters for a living, now also employs other freelancers to draw monsters and takes a cut, makes a few thousand a month passively that way now, on top of the assignments he actively works on, which he obviously gets to be picky with now. Are you creating an imaginary barrier between yourself and some far-away identity, such as you being an "art director"? What does an art director do? Does he get assignments and then organise other artists to work on those assignments with him as a team? (I'm guessing) Then do that. Boom, now you're an art director. No one is going to give you the title, you have to put the castle together yourself and then crown yourself king.
  11. @Fuku I feel for you man. I've spent most of my life having anxieties and obsessively thinking and analyzing about what's wrong with me, talking about it to family members and friends, and then sometimes it seemed like mostly what was wrong with me was that... in and of itself. But that realisation was not satisfying nor curative. The more I'm doing deep inner work and learning about myself, the more I'm making connections of how I came to be this way and how I can get out of it. I guarantee you that your mental state has a reason, I could even help you figure it out. Don't think of "trauma" as some dramatic event that other people had happen to them and you didn't. Everyone has conditioning. Past is interconnected to future, until deconditioning happens. More often than not, things go back to the earliest years including birth.
  12. Burnout is a function of workload over agency x purpose It’s much harder to burnout on something that is meaningful to you. So if you’re going to work long hours, invent a framework where it’s not just a means to an end (for money).
  13. @Space Here's what AI can't take away - personalization. A painting that objectively looks as good as one created by a human - that's one thing. Art was never purely a competition of skill. A painting or drawing that is about a human experience, or even capturing a personal relationship with real people - that will always feel more special than a machine generated whatever. Exactly because YOU created it from your perspective. That will have meaning to people who know you. Don't take your humanness out of the equation. You are your niche.
  14. This desperate ripping-open-curtain thing is all over my life. It's what I feel when I think about the never ending chore of keeping my house clean. It's what I feel when I think about still not having my driver's license. It's what I feel over any way in which my life is not the way I want it and I don't know what to do about it.
  15. Primal session #2 (the following is the raw output of what came up during a primal therapy session, don't take any of this too literally and worry about me ) Exploring a feeling that's been triggered when nothing's working. Nothing I'm doing is working. And people criticize/punish me for trying. I'm in this double bind (thanks Richard) Pattern is showing up in multiple ways. I needed to get the fuck out, then I was born. Then everything was WORSE!! Much worse. The terror. i had to go but it's MUCH MUCH WORSE than expected and now I can't breathe and I want to go back. First it was about my mother. Being caring and nurturing when I got in fights. FUCK YOU. It was all fake. She didn't see the real pain. She didn't want to. No one took care to protect me. The people who where supposed to help me, couldn't, wouldn't help me. I'm all alone. And I'm drowning. Then: anger, wanting to shake my mother for her useless mothering. Can't you see I need self defence and protection. Why won't you see that. Why are you trying to turn me into the sweet kid from the story in your head, while I'm drowning at school in bullying and aggression. You don't love me. I am hurting myself so you see my real pain, and still you don't see. I am hurting myself by getting others to hurt me (omg, insight. I do that a lot) And still no one is in my corner, no one supports me. She worries about me but she doesn't get the message. Then: body feels "twisty" This desperate anger Ripping open a curtain. I have to rip open the entrance to survive. It's a spiderey circular entrance/exit More like a giant anus with folds. Super weird. Then I feel this all-consuming desperate anger, I rip it, and... NOOO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Terror. It's worse on the other side. I feel very baby-ish. I'm letting out babyish screams. I feel a sense of being sucked by my solar plexis, can't breathe properly, pressure on my chest, dragged by my skin. I'm being dragged. Being handled. So much light. NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. (I was doing weird twisty movements on the floor for a while without seeing or feeling much) Then the feelings repeat. Desperate anger. Ripping something open with both hands to survive. Then: terror, noo, being handled, being dragged, wanting to go back. Double bind. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I can tell this is about my entire life, somehow. It's connected to everything. "Why did no one tell me/teach me/protect me" THat's a theme that reoccurred a lot as well. Now I know what it's related to. Why did no one tell me that being born was worse than staying inside That's why I feel betrayed.