flowboy

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  1. Remember A Success I remember signing up for my first speech at Toastmasters, creating, practicing, and getting a 10/10 result that was valued highly. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for my ability to make a living as a programmer, which enables me to buy quality food to keep my brain sharp for working on my purpose. I'm also grateful for having a strong immune system, which defended me properly and enabled me to start functioning again rather soon after covid hit me. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. Most of my day was housework (4 laundry loads), taking out 4 kinds of trash, groceries, dishes. Ordering food. Misc admin tasks. Activities that I don't value highly and will definitely pay someone else for when I have the means. There were some cool things: I had a nice supportive conversation with my friend about his epiphany/breakdown, and it had a really serendipitous inspiring end resulting in a new angle for him to market his product with. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I cleaned all the surfaces I touched. I rewrote my daily schedule 3 or 4 times, each time something took too long I refused to abandon schedule and stuck with my commitment to schedule adherence.
  2. Remember A Success I remember seeing a really sexy girl standing across my house, introducing myself, hooking up with her, getting to know her, and finding out that she's amazing in many ways. Just like that I went for what I wanted, and it worked out. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for my friendship with P, and the mutual learning from each other, and how truly equal it feels. We value each other and tell each other the honest truth. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. Most of my day was taking care of dumb stuff like laundry and returning a package. However, I did contact my client and also had a good video call with the aforementioned friend. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I decided to do my entire evening routine again, even though I didn't feel like it.
  3. Happy I realised today that I've never been this okay before.
  4. Remember A Success I remember deciding I should go on a work vacation where I follow a rigid schedule. I shared the idea with a friend and he was in. That idea became a popular tradition with my entrepreneurial friends, and we're looking forward to our third time now. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for my friend A, I feel just naturally good and happy in his company and he understands everything. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. Even though it was tough, figuring out how to do accounting for my first sale, these are the golden days of starting a business. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I did not guess or give up when the research became boring and confusing, but kept going until I got it. I also did not waste time and let it take too long. I struck a good balance between excellent understanding and excellent time management.
  5. Remember A Success When I was working a miserable callcenter job and got an opportunity to become a programmer, I went to the library and got a huge stack of books to study up on contemporary techniques, and I nailed the interview and got the job. Happy times followed. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for God giving me the aptitude and interest in programming, providing me with direction and a way to make a living when I needed it. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I worked for 9.5 hours straight, taking only a 10 minute break. At my job. Without caffeine. Kept refocusing and got a lot done. And I tested thoroughly.
  6. Remember A Success When my friend launched her first ever paid workshop, and needed 6 people to break even, I decided to help out and got 3 friends to join. When a couple of them canceled last minute, I messaged other people and did not stop until I filled those spots. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for having running water and a freezer. Oh my, how would I survive these hot days without those luxuries? If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Even though I had brain fog, I kept fighting off distractions and lack of sleep, and managed to make quite some headway at the task at work that was assigned to me. Even with half the brain power.
  7. Remember A Success I remember feeling horny one day, knocking on my attractive neighbour's door with the proposal to have tea, hitting on her and starting a great FWB relationship right then and there. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for living in a free country with great internet access, enabling me to pull myself up using great resources like Actualized.org and Sam Ovens If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I spent the day preparing and doing the coaching call with the client. Very nervous, very rewarding. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I immediately processed my notes after the call ended. Even suppressed the desire to take a walk first. I had the foresight that to be able to handle multiple coaching calls a day, I need the discipline to not let these notes accumulate on a stack.
  8. Everything was going so well, and then I had to open Netflix and go way past my bedtime on a very mediocre movie. Oh well. Good day nonetheless. Remember A Success I remember writing my first speech for Toastmasters and it being received very well, as a 10/10 for an icebreaker. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful having found meaning. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. I processed my notes and worked on the coaching program. I got new ideas, got great tips. In the evening I had a very nice call with some friends about a cool project. I feel inspired. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I followed through on commitments. Someone else let slip but I didn't follow. I did what I thought was best and did not abandon, and it worked out.
  9. Remember A Success I remember the time I was a salesman and sold 6 contracts in one day, where 2 was the norm. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for the nature in my close environment that we get to swim in and enjoy. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. We had a swim and a picnic. It's really hot weather. Then we had sex on a microdose of psilocybin. Really nice day. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? Even though I am having a female guest over, I still resolved to properly do my journaling and complete my evening routine. I think that is the first time I've done that. That is excellent.
  10. Remember A Success I remember being at Toastmasters and thinking: man, it would be cool if we could bring a vocal coach in. And then I did, I organized and cohosted the event and arranged for a vocal coach to do a session with the whole Toastmasters audience. It was great. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for my circle of warm, open-minded friends. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I persevered in living my day by a schedule, and maintaining that discipline to do what it says. I took care of myself in many important ways. I put effort into communicating my vision well to a person with whom there was a synchronicity. This required being vulnerable.
  11. Remember A Success I remember totally saving a meeting with a team we were cooperating with. My coworker displayed poor social skills and seemed to attack them. I rescued the situation by letting the others talk, listening, being positive and curious. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for having found back my discipline. I know that it's going to be the single thing that saves me. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I started work early. I went hard at the gym and finished my whole workout. I promised to make up for the missed hours and I am. I saw an opportunity to improve some code and I did. Oh man. This is day 3 or 4 of no caffeine and it's been brutal, but bearable. It's like waking up on day 2 being the slowest and stupidest of them all, with depression and super emotionally sensitive. Unable to enjoy things. This led to me reacting poorly in a text conversation and causing a fight/breakup. It was an interesting way to meet my fear of abandonment and seeing the circularity in it. She withdrew, in this typical way where people just text back less enthusiastically and you don't know what the hell is up. And then I feel the uncontrollable urge to either express my discontent, lash out or make up a story of why their behaviour makes no logical sense and I am owed an explanation. And this has at numerous occasions led to me sending emotionally charged texts, desperately trying to control the situation. Which resulted in the person withdrawing, often perminently. I just randomly forgot how to spell perminent. Permanent. What. One BENEFIT of this caffeine-free state is that my body finally feels healthy again. I can literally feel blockages dissolving. The nerve pain in my ear has finally let up. I just feel physical warmth, gratitude and bliss, and more connected with my body. Caffeine severs the head and makes it forget about the body, so it can manically stress about its projects and problems. It even reduces brain blood flow. It's a poison. I am positively certain. Why many others tolerate it well into their old age I don't know, but my body is clearly saying it's done with this poison. And that's fine. Who needs a scattered and stressed life anyway. Ahead lays a more integrated, balanced and calm life. Calm but effective.
  12. Remember A Success I remember when I set out to get a job in another city, a couple months ago. The first job opening I clicked looked really cool, and it required a video application. I recorded a video on the spot, using my webcam, improvised the whole thing. I nailed the first, second and third job interview. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for my problems. For how spoiled would my mind be had I not to suffer. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. I worked alone for my job in a way too hot apartment. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I tested my code in all the ways I could think of. I offered my colleagues help. I started work early.
  13. Remember A Success I remember that two weeks ago I decided I want to try coaching, crafted a sales letter, emailed it to 7 people and that already got someone interested to become my client. I will call that a success! Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for two of my friends, whom I had a glorious and productive brainstorming session with just now If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? Yes. Absolutely. Helping myself get my shit together just became more meaningful now that I'm preparing to help others get their shit together. And during the brainstorming session we dreamed up a business idea that feels close to my heart and deeply meaningful. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I refined my plan for the first coaching session again and again. Made sure I was prepared and that it will fit in the time. And during the day I spent extra time on maintaining my daily and weekly schedule so that I wouldn't be a hypocrite and also it would be fresh in my mind so I could better connect with the subject.
  14. Remember A Success When I started my first business with a friend many years ago, I actually landed us our first client, through networking. Something I'm Grateful For I am grateful for my best friend, who is like a brother to me. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. I was at work for 11 hours. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I made time to help a colleague. I tested my code through and through, and uncovered more issues that I could fix.
  15. Remember A Success I remember joining Toastmasters and making an inspiring speech about using motion to influence thoughts and perception creating reality. It was my very first time giving a speech since kindergarten, and it was received well and rated 10/10 Something I'm Grateful For I'm grateful that I met a girl who is smart and who I can talk spirituality and other common interests with If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? I spent most of my productive time processing notes today. Things I had written down chaotically for myself to someday think about again and type them up somewhere in an organized fashion. Although it's a hassle and a lot of work when your mind produces a lot of ideas, I think it helps my creative process to revisit some insightful thoughts a few days or weeks later. I had an inspiring video call with some potential business partners today. I revealed that I had been thinking about my life's purpose more deeply and decided that I only wanted to work on a business related to that. Although I was prepared to end the collaboration on this reason, instead I was pleasantly surprised that we seem to have some causes and values in common that I didn't know about! So, yes.