MsNobody

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About MsNobody

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    Lesser Chimp
  • Birthday 02/21/1990

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    California, USA
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    Female

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  1. @username No, this is the video! @Leo Gura I tried them too, but it seems my tolerance is lower with mushrooms, it was much more intense than LSD or ALLAD (with those my mind get stuck in creative mode and distracts myself from the inner work), I'll keep working with them, lets see how it goes, thanks for your feedback!
  2. That was my third time taking mushrooms but I consider this trip to be the first one since the others were not intense/profound. About me: female 27yo Dosage: 3.6g of cubensis Ingestion: Just ate them at 2:30pm, lasted for 7 hours Set and setting: Cleaned the whole house and my mind, was by myself The mushrooms were so strong that 5 min after I was feeling nausea and that strong feeling in the back of my head, I knew it would be an intense trip, so I lay down, closed my eyes and let the mushroom work one me, I was really calm and thought to myself “it’s going to be EASY I’ll just lay here and that is it, nothing bad can happen” haha lIttle did I know that I would walk, crawl and drag like a creature everywhere around the house. My intention initially was to experience truth, but as I found out during the trip it gave me what I needed not what I wanted, and in a certain way I experienced truth through my ego deaths haha Given that that there were moments I was unconscious, or my mind was enable to understand what was going on, the organization of this post is a little messy, I would go in those trances/ ego deaths and when back I would feel terrible, my ego would try to understand the situation and punish my body. EGO CHILD: I NOW can totally understand when people say mushrooms can be wild and dirty, I was not a civilized human being at all, I felt like I was a creature, a monkey, a jaguar, something like that, the way I seated and the way I took my clothes off, it was like this creature was mad at me for the way I’ve been living my life, “what is all this crap you wear and put in your body?” and even more interesting was that my ego is the one who dress formally, eat with fork and knife, walk with classy but inside, the mind, is rotten, with all the garbage, TV, social media, bad eating, toxic people around, not caring enough about environment (I’m not a bad person at all but I have the feeling that I could be doing much more for the world, and that was shown to me) so I was the creature and besides free of clothes and all the manners the mind of this creature was much more intelligent, wise, prudent and solid. How much I hide behind the mask of society. I remember asking the meaning of life, and haha nature has humor, first it appeared the symbol of infinite, and behind the symbol it started showing two kids in a seesaw hahaha it’s fucking meaningless!!! Also, I had this vision that I was running after this person holding the secret of life, and whenever I got close to it, the person holding it, would throw it to another one, laughing at my foolishness and seriousness about it. NATURE: So talking about nature, I was shown how to heal my body too, not only with mushrooms but through food and nature, I had this insight that the more time I spend is nature the more my body functions perfectly, it’s like being close to nature, my body gets lost in it and it heals itself, like nature is teaching my body through just watching and being around it. I have been feeling shitty the last days, cause I have PCOS, its a health problem that affects women, my whole life I’ve been going to doctors and all they recommend me is antibiotics and birth control pills, the insight was that nature can provide me with all that I need, I dont need to intoxicate my body with pharmaceutical drugs, so I’m thinking about joining a shamanic group in my area and tomorrow Im gonna go to a Wiccan ritual. Man this was so perfect, the mushrooms really said to me “its time for you to trust nature with closed eyes” and it makes so much sense. DARKNESS: The darkness, that was deep, so this mask of society where I only show what I consider to be the good parts of myself, what is beautiful, and repress all that I consider ugly or bad, seeing myself as a whole, my bad parts, my darkness, my desires, wilderness, it wants to manifest itself the same way I’ve been showing my qualities, the ego is the one separating bad/good, wrong/right, beautiful/ugly, and my higher self was REALLY mad for my inauthenticity to please people, be a civilized human.. it reminded me the quote from Jung, “No tree, its said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell”, shadow work and diving in my darkness is needed right now. SELF LOVE: I saw how much I needed love, some really old memories were brought to me, about my childhood, past relationships, things I didnt even remember when sober, but I had to face them, one by one, I couldnt ignore or turn my face away, it was rubbed in my face. Every time my higher self showed me how I really am instead of what I think I am, my ego complained like a child, and my faces were grumpy like a child “It wasn't me” haha I remember when Matt Kahn said, the ego is not a bad thing, is like a wild child, and we need to treat it as such, teaching like we do with a child, with love and patience, cause it will be always there until we die, I guess enlightened people still have their egos, but they educated it and are not controlled by it (correct me if I’m wrong) JUDGEMENT: I love talking, AND studying about self development, the more I create “my understanding” and the more solid this understanding gets, the more I fall in the trap of judging others, especially people who are afraid of consciousness work, so the way mushroom showed me how bad is my TALKING, was like that, it shut my mouth, simple like that haha I wasn’t able to open my mouth for a long time (I had no sense of time but it felt like eternity) and in the beginning I couldn’t understand why my mouth was blocked, and the more I ignored that is because I use my voice for judgement and shit, the more my jaws was pressed against each other, I felt like I was gonna swallow by chin, and later my head, it didnt gave up until I got my lesson, listen more, talks less, if I decide to speak, do it consciously. EXORCISM: The peak of the experience, my body was freaking out with the amount of energy, maybe blocks I have inside it, so I started walking around the house, and ended up in the bathroom, I seated there for I don’t know how long, but it was the most intense experience of my life, it felt like an exorcism, there were sounds coming out of my mouth that I’ve never heard before, like an animal, I guess those noises were energy that needed to get out, I have this traumatic memory of the peak where the more the energy was getting out of my body the more noises I made, it was hard to breath, my face was glued to the floor and I was kind of unconscious, drooling, but man, it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life, seeing for what it is it was ugly and disgusting, but it showed me how strong I am and how much more I’m capable of, not only taking more mushrooms but also growth, there is no limit for growth for human beings, we just aim to the sky and go on forever, most people find it hard (and a negative point) the fact we need to work on ourselves for the rest of our lives, but that is exactly what I find to be the most fascinating and motivating thing of all, that IS life. LOVE: love, love, love the biggest lesson, what I and the world need is LOVE, when people talk to me I dont need to judge them, every fucking person needs love, from themselves especially and from others, its hard for us to admit that but its the truth, so I realized I’ve been thinking with my mind and not my heart, its cliche, and obvious to say that, I’m a right brain person, really emotional, creative and heart centered, but I’ve been reading like crazy and studying all of that, I’m not saying that is not useful, I have a high level of curiosity about reality and consciousness work, but my heart is my center, that was my big AHA moment, LOVE is free of judgements, LOVE is not right or wrong, it just IS, it’s infinite, it’s our true nature, the more we give the more we have, I can only love others through loving myself unconditionally and I haven’t been a loving person lately (cause I lack self love) my mind is always trying to understand and see the logic in everything and everyone. I decided from now on to just embrace and accept the mysteries of life, keep my curiosity alive but be aware that I don’t need to understand everything to have a fulfilled life, it reminded me of Matt Kahn “You are the creator of it all, and you don’t remember creating because it was created before memory was imagined.” Also Einstein said in his poem Never lose a holy curiosity “The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existence. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery each day. The insight was relieving, it’s fine to do not understand how reality works and I don’t need to be obsessed by it like I’ve been. AFTERMATH: My trip itself was not pleasant or enjoyable at all, but I see the beauty in it, love is everywhere, even in the ugliest things, so I’m really happy with what I got out of it, I’m planning on working with mushrooms more often, maybe once or twice per month, in spite of my ego not being happy (I had a hard time today) I feel like I just grasped a tiny bit of what mushrooms really can do and I’m excited for more. I’m looking for documentaries, videos or even books about mushrooms and its healing power. I found this one below and would be really happy if you guys could share some of your sources with me. Thank you if you made it to the end Much Love miss nobody https://londonreal.tv/dennis-mckenna-the-screaming-abyss/ Here is a beautiful and powerful Matt video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ccKFHH2Zi8&list=PLK7N8jqtdcK7uq0tCxQDo9--WOhtteoX_&index=21
  3. @nahtanoj Yes, I love that he says "I wasn't a guy experiencing the world, I was the world experiencing a guy" He might be, apparently he is painting a lot now, I have no idea what he has been doing lately besides all the painting
  4. LOved that! Thanks for sharing Jim Carey is the guy 👌
  5. @Leo Gura @zikzak and others experimenting with 5meo, how many times did you try until the breakthrough dose and how much was it? I tried twice, first time was really subtle but I could feel the energy, second time was hellish, I couldnt wait for the whole eye of the tornado sensation to go away, I felt like my body couldnt handle the amount of energy that was receiving, now I gonna try the third time and I'm a "bit" afraid The first dose was 17mg, second 27mg and third is gonna be 35mg, I'm snorting it, I followed all the steps, tilting my head upside down, massaging the nostrils etc, but I think the ROA wastes a considerable amount of the substance so I'm seriously thinking in converting it to freebase.. Also vaporizing I cant overdose, Leo said above 35mg can be lethal
  6. Aubrey tries to explain his experience of absolute infinite He also talks about a new protocol he is participating through MAPS with the use of MDMA, I found it really interesting cause the times I took MDMA I went out and about to hug every person I found in front of me to share the divine love I was feeling, and in this protocol he had to remain in his mind, blindfolded, with headphones and no interaction with other beings and what happened is that he was able to redirect all that unconditional love back to him and go deeper in some blocks he had, I see a lot of potential (especially for people with PTSD), I'm gonna try myself soon and will be back to report the experience. I think he mentions more about the protocol in this episode too:
  7. @Revolutionary Think well I've worked with CAD for three years, and between sex and CAD I'd chose sex Wow did I just compare an interaction of a human being with a software/machine versus real physical contact between two souls merging with eachother looking for the feeling of oneness? sorry the sarcasm maybe I felt hurt cause I think sex is something sacred and maybe I'm just being feminine or maybe I'm just being gross.. anyways, I'd try everything once
  8. Ahhh I'm loving that! Here are some of my last drawings The first one is from a dream I had with a snake 2nd one is called Peace of mind 3rd one was inspired in this quote by Jung: "But if you pay close attention, you will see that the most masculine man has a feminine soul, and the most feminine woman has a masculine soul" 4th was inspired in a quote from the book The moon appears when the water is still: "In India I came upon a beggar woman, covered in dust and grime, seated at the side of the road. Someone had given her a plate of food which had attracted a mangy and growling mad dog. He too was hungry, and without hesitation she shared her food with him. He ate and then lay down at her feet. Locked in their respective kammas there was still room for kindness. And if I could speak her language I would beg her to tell me how her heart can shine so brightly beneath the dust of her life" 5th is Bukowski 🖤
  9. @Leo Gura basically chimpery I'm having way too many low consciousness desires haha but I like to see it that way: it's just a phase to ground my openmindedness @JustinS Thanks for encouraging me Justin! Much gratitude and yes, a solo one just wouldn't work, it would be a mental masturbation retreat with the way my mind is now, I thought about the videos from Leo's retreat and I could barely sit still for the whole hour of sds, but I got what I needed, it was great experiencing unconditional love without the need of substances @Gabriel Antonio I'm totally aware I missed the point, but I'm lesser chimp now I would say I'm a bonobo hahaha
  10. Since I started running in the road less traveled (I say running cause things have been changing in the speed of light) I dont know who I am anymore and the last time I counted I had around 57 personalities within my body, life is pretty crazy and amazing right now. The decision - I knew I would have some weeks off of vacation and had the brilliant idea of doing a Vipassana retreat, after reading a comment from Leo. I love challenging myself and exploring my mind, so I was as excited as my trip to Cancun last year, it’s fascinating how my interests changed, psychedelics, meditation retreats, workshops, books, are far more interesting than any other stuff I used to do. So it was like I was going to another country, to experience new things, I had THAT excitment because since I moved to US (I’m from Brazil) my plan was travelling the world, but happily (after taking mdma) I found out I have billions of continents inside my head and the whole universe to explore within me, I decided to calm the fuck down to handle the mind breaking experiences I’ve been having in the consciousness terrains. I packed my bag and woooow it was the first time my ego was not coming with me, my clothes were all baggy, comfortable pants, simple shirts, nothing else, naked soul. On my way there I started to realize what I was doing and kept repeating to myself “the fuck did I do with my precious vacation?“ my friend said: abort this mission and lets go somewhere else, but I knew myself pretty well, I’m going all the way in, I may lose my body or my soul in the process but I feel like something inside me hungers for knowing a little bit more of the unknown. First day.. I will jump right to the end of it cause after getting there the only thing I could think was how to get out of there haha I fantasized so much crossing the gates.. I was freaking out, so I went to my tent, the whole torture started for my ego, reaaaaaaally challenging stuff, they nicely put me in a tent in the fucking top of the mountain far from everyone, but as we say in Brazil, once you are in the rain, embrace the wetness, I usually sleep pretty late, and there I was 8:30pm, me, the crickets, deers, and all the insects and animals my ears were capable of listening in the pitch black darkness, I understood deeply when people say that when you shut one of the senses down the others are far more accurate, I was listening like a blind person, and whenever an animal approached the tent my spine and sometimes whole body would get goosebumps all over, I guess is an instinct thing, my body was in alert mode, saying: animals around!! animals around!! wake the fuck up, and that was how I slept the 12 nights, I actually barely slept cause the meditations would give me a lot of energy, and I wasn’t moving my body enough so it was haaard, I love exercising, that part was pretty challenging too, the do nothing part. Also it was full moon, I usually dont sleep well when the moon is full, so the last day I slept 2 hours and I realized animals are louder in the full moon.. I'm complaining now but I loved the experience The retreat Routine, the bell rings 4am, I wake up and drag my body like a zombie to the meditation hall, those two hours of meditation in the morning I never knew how efficient it was, since I was half asleep, my guesses are that I was losing consciousness, in a deep meditative state, or the most likely I was just sleeping haha The meditations overall were good, but I must confess I had a huge problem with the technique cause I needed to focus on my nose and breathing, I have allergies so I would sneeze all the time, I decided secretly do the do nothing technique, sometimes I would use their technique but in the first day my mind was already refusing to do the same thing over and over again, and I started an interesting journey where I was creating meditation techniques, I was mixing everything I knew, concentration, counting, self inquiry, repetition of words, I can not say how are the results of the retreat because I was not able to use their technique the whole time I know my bad, but I did what I could with what I had, maybe my results/insights would be much better if I could control my mind to do what they were saying, I was really creative so my mind was in creation mode, it was like I was receiving pure raw energy from the universe and I needed to use it as soon as possible, I love drawing so I had crazy ideas and I would get really lost in this wandering part, even goals I have in life, I would start creating stuff out of nowhere, pretty interesting, I guess the next one will be easier, also I need to meditate longer daily to prepare my mind to long hours of sitting. I wont describe everyday cause as you must know there was not excitement at all, the most exciting day was the day I hand washed my underwear and put them to dry in the clothesline, I haven’t done that in years, so drying my clothes in the sun just felt weirdly awesome haha I’m gonna cite some of my insights and feelings about it: Judgments all over the place - I fucking judge the shit out of people, those 10 days I judged every single person in the retreat, I created them in my mind like I imagined them to be, it was as I already knew them, the ones who smiled were nice people, the serious ones were evils, its incredible how we judge, without people even open their mouths, in the last day, that we were free to talk my ego was slapped in the face 70 times, that was the number of people there, everybody was so nice and I imagined them evils, so I realized that all the evilness I saw in them is what I have inside myself, my judgments, all my creation, big lesson. “We dont see things as they are, we see them as we are.” dont know who said that but so true The day I loved Trump unconditionally - I reached some deep states of meditation, the 6th day it was the worst day, I was almost doing cartwheels to take out the energy out of my body, but it was also the day I went deeper, again I was not using their technique, but I knew the root of most of my problems comes from lack of self love so I had this idea to imagine myself kissing my whole body, from top to bottom, when I got to my toes something shifted within myself, I started loving every fucking thing in that room, people, objects and specially myself, it was unconditional infinite love, to make sure I was really experiencing that I thought about Trump, and there I was loving trump unconditionally, I loved the cushions, the floor, the people, and a feeling of gratitude for being there, and I loved myself, soooooo much, I couldn’t explain that, I didnt want to move, I could barely feel my body, then I understood Buddah and all the people who meditates for long periods of time, that was pure bliss, I had to get up cause they had a discourse, the feeling stayed with me until I wen to bed/tent, it was fading away fast. I will never forget that, it was like I was on mdma but naturally, I got what I wanted, that little glimpse just showed me I’m on the right path and I’ll keep going. I also had some psychedelic visions and feelings, it was a whole big trip. One day I went really deep doing self inquiry, its so interesting how the body/ mind reacts with the simple question: WHO AM I? one of the sessions I went so deep that it was like I was in a rollercoaster, I will be doing much more self inquiry from now on. Pain - Pain - Pain - I experienced some weird feelings in my body, one day my spine was burning so much that I got up to touch it because for me it was on fire, I wont talk about their technique, but basically we would scan our bodies looking for sensations, the pain in my body would go from my knees, my butt, back and everywhere, the sessions of strong determination sitting were where I saw more results, my pain was in its peak so when I focused on the center of the pain I would have feelings of body expansion, or like my body was swollen, really really big, and I would feel lighter afterwards, I had peak experiences almost everyday, what happened was in the beginning of the day I would think about giving up and going home but my last sitting of the day I would reach a deep state and was invigorated and excited for the next day, that was how I survived, also whenever I closed my eyes in the last days it was like my body was doing the thing by itself, I just needed to stay still and relax, it became easier but at the same time challenging, really special days. Openmindedness/ Vipassana retreats may save marriages- well I cant talk for others but my mind (since I couldnt move and was kind of forced to be still) was all over the place, my brazilian monkey mind was crossing Amazon, I thought about the most wild things, especially sexual desires, I didnt feel like masturbating (although I did twice just from boredom and to take energy out of my body) but I had naughty thoughts about everyone, it was like my ego was punishing me to put him in a jail for a while, the 4th or 5th day I decided I wanted to get 5 more tattoos, buy a motorcycle, have a threesome, have sex with a girl, be more honest (like radical honesty), be wilder, try an open relationship, learn tantric sex, awaken my divine feminine, explore and master sex, take more risks, start a youtube channel, read more books, meet more open minded people, be a stripper for a while, do more psychedelics, and the list goes on and on, I was raw and ready to explore the world, and live my full potential, I havent talked about it with other people but I guess it was a big mind opener for me, I’ve been working a lot in my openmindedness so it could also be that. I thought I would come back a monk but it happened the contrary, I’m actually afraid of myself now, I’m super happy and really motivated to reach my goals in life, to keep going with my career, thrive and give my contribution to the world. I imagine what the retreat did with other people, but I guess it can totally save marriages We trip balls without technology - since we didnt have our phones, people were rolling in the grass, hugging and kissing trees, smelling flowers, playing with rocks, connecting deeply with insects, amazed by silly things. Seriously, imagine kids in nature, adults without cellphones are that, literally, I’ve never seen something like that before, interesting how human beings acts in nature without interacting with other human beings and without technology. Becoming vegeterian - In the rules is written “fast is not permitted’ but man we were all fasting haha I lost a couple pounds and the first days I was starving, after lunch 11am we would only have a tea with fruits, anyway my body got used to it easily since I wasn’t exercising. The food is awesome, all vegetarian, and it was interesting, I could feel the energy of the food, Im a carnivorous person but I felt pretty good and after coming back I ate meat only twice, I’m planning to stick with the habit, great experience. Met an escort/ Networking - I met all kinds of people you can imagine, from monks to escorts, all the people were really nice, and reaaally interesting, two of the most interesting ones had a big and huge spiritual ego, I proved my theory that when we start this spiritual path, the things we learn, our ego uses it for evilness if we fall in the ego traps, but focusing in the nice people, there was one girl there that I could totally feel her energy, it was like my soul was being pulled when she talked, like she was brighter than other people, really interesting, I also sucked the mind of the escort girl haha I was really interested about her life, the last night we sat and talked for two hours, she is soooo nice, and cute, and pretty, 9 months ago I would just run away from her with all my judgments, but thanks to Leo my mind is wide open and I could absorb the best things out of that conversation, it was her third vipassna retreat this year, she said she would never be able to handle that life if it wasnt for Vipassana, she is also in an open relationship, it was awesome connecting to her, when she talks I could feel that everything she says comes from her heart, she is super honest and talks freely about everything, I met amazing people, I met one guy who watches Leo too, we were so fucking happy to connect, Leo thank you! I’ve met so many gold people in the forum and out in the world, every person who watches you has that thing, that thirst for improvement and live life fully, we talked about 5MEO, me and 4 other people are planning a mushroom trip close to Alan Watts cabin, the networking was one of the best things in the retreat, it was a big concentration of interesting people. Back to reality - The last days of the retreat I was super motivated but I also had a feeling of wholeness, like I didn’t need anyone or anything, I was complete, so I got back home thinking I would go straight have sex, food, drugs and rocknroll but no, I could fucking hear the SILENCE, I took a bath and the bubbles popping were so overwhelming and annoying, I tried to talk to my sister but my heart started speeding up, I would start sweating, everything was overwhelming and intense, I just wanted calmness, so I sat to meditate, I couldn’t believe I was doing that, my butt was sore from all the sitting in the last days, but I wanted to keep the calmness, I could feel it fading away, it was so hard to get to the state I was at that moment, my soul was asking for the calmness, it felt so comfortable sitting to meditate, still feels good, feels like home. Aftereffects - I’m still able to hear the silence, I can feel my heart beating, I can recognize when I say things from my heart and when is the ego talking, I can feel my connection with people, I realized I’m calmer and my friends are afraid of me cause I’m looking them in the eyes, I can hear the vibration of my emotions, its like a sharp buzzing noise that comes from my heart or whatever, really interesting how I’m aware of my body and highly sensitive, I changed a lot of things in my life, habits, people, I still can/t believe how it changed me, I’m writing this down one week after, things are still overwhelming and real life seems way too busy, how did I live like that my whole life? Fun facts - 1 - I had so much free time that one day a common mosquito sat on my hand, my goodness it was the most amazing mosquito in the world, then I realized that my perception was changed, colors were brighter, everything was more beautiful. 2 - the bells were rang whenever was time to wake up or eat, or go to the meditation hall, so I realized we were like zombies walking around doing nothing and when the bell rang we were all dragging our bodies towards the bell haha 3 - my mind was highly creative, I needed a pen so much to write stuff down, one day I went to talk to the teacher in the meditation hall and I spotted a pen under her chair, for three days I planned how to steal that pen, I ended up behaving myself 4 - There was a woman there with high levels of anxiety, breathing deeply and screaming a bit sometimes, since everybody was so loving and nice, I choose her to be the aim of my hatred, and it got worse one day that they served a cake and she made a hole in the middle of the cake to have her piece, it wasn't a big thing but my ego needed someone to hate and judge haha she was super stressed dropping little actions of unkindness, so I finally had someone to hate, it felt awesome but really bad thing to do, I also realized that if my mom did the retreat she would be exactly like this woman, if not worse, then I felt compassion, and the day I loved Trump unconditionally I included her too. Well that was it, I wrote it more for me but I thought about sharing here for people who want to do Vipassana as well. Its free they work through donation and you can serve in other retreats as well. It was an amazing experience for me, I’m really glad I had the opportunity to do so, next step is gonna be a third 5meo trip, hopefully I’ll breakthrough, life is becoming more and more exciting each day, I’ll come back to write a report if things turn out well.. Thank you for reading!! Much love, Miss Nobody
  11. I love tattoos! I was so judgmental before getting mine, I hurts so much that now I admire those who have them, especially when there is a deep meaning behind it the first one is a maori, I got it to have my body back after getting out of an abusive relationship and the second one is a triskle, a Celtic symbol that means movement, like three legs running, to remind me to keep moving the energy for things to happen, take more risks..