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@Scholar Sexual energy is used in magic in many magical traditions across the world. It is used in Tantra, Tibetan Buddhist sorcery, Thai magic, etc, etc. The reason why is, if controlled, can generate massive amounts of psychic energy that can than be used and directed to workings based on your intention. It can add huge amounts of power to magick. This magick can be used for inner transformation, enlightenment/awakening or manifesting one's will in the physical realm. Sex, in this context, is considered sacred and holy. Jason Miller wrote a great book on Sex and Sorcery that is mostly based on Tantra and Tibetan Buddhist sorcery. The term "occult" includes any methods to influence possible realities according to one's intention so doesnt necessarily just refer to Western practices.

I wouldn't mind at all. Just now going offline though, but I'll pick this back up tomorrow. Hopefully I can offer something that's useful. Almaas's Theory of Holes and his teaching about 'sitting with it', whatever it is, until it transforms is one I may l touch on some more. 'Sitting with' triggers the alchemical transformation,,,. More later on.?‍♂️ Reminder to self. Three Centered Prayer and leaping out of one's grave.

I've been reinventing myself lately. Starting new projects and following through. It's amazing what finishing a goal that seemed impossible does with the mind. The first time is the hardest, next time is going to ten times easier. For me that project was "Ambitions", an epic cinematic EP inspired by the inner drive to reach a goal. The challenges, journey and transformation a person must take in order to truly embrace and land in the newly created spot in life. I hope you like it! Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7FTaLG51n8&list=PLJHKS6bTFEp8KDG9kx5FZG5B_Ub-nEZfC Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/album/79OE5ilwsonbVI2KWo4TJg?si=zh6jWGxDTUSMS9Nx0GNNHA Apple Music: https://geo.itunes.apple.com/album/ambitions-ep/1473974965

Been struggling with this for a while. I'm a tall and skinny guy. Also I dont have much motivation to workout and do a full body transformation. Any advise? Any book recommendations?

I used to frown upon or even look down on the idea of “coping” but I’ve come to realize how inevitably necessary it is to experience when I think about what it actually means to cope or grieve after the loss of a loved one, I feel it is the allowing for a transformation of negative energy-pain,suffering,sadness, grief, loss,heartbreak- into Love, or perhaps the art if letting go It’s all love in disguise, loss = remembrance, acceptance = gratitude, cycle of life = love My favorite ways to cope have been listening to sad music, movies, writing letters to loved ones, and being alone, sometimes in nature

After almost doing 50 trips of 5-meo and DPT. Like 40-10 ratio, I have come to follow with a lot more heart the tantric yoga and tantric Tibetan Buddhism. All these psychedelics trips have shown me from ***Personal experience*** that enlightenment is the goal but I will not achieve through psychedelics as they are not permanent. I would suggest my good friends here to research *Kalachakra* from Tibetan Buddhism. This book " Chakras energy centers of transformation by Harish Johari " is a great book on showing you visualization on each chakra. I am going to take it easier on very powerful psychedelics but forever thankful for the opportunity on having such mystical experiences that made me more hungry for actual enlightenment like Tilopa and Naropa and Padmasambhava and Jesus and Buddha and many others. Many Tibetan masters have gotten enlighten through the practice of Kalachakra which comes directly from the Buddha when he was giving lectures on *Vulture Peak*. I have also come to learn part of the *Dream Yoga* which is 1 of the 6 Yogas from Naropa. Everyday learning more and more. This is not the end of the trail my friends. I have yet to know of anyone that got fully enlighten like the Awaken above mention. He who seeks should find.

@Inliytened1 Leo is right when he says the forum has given lot of freedom to the people to express their opinions much much much tolerant compared to the spiritual communities Indian ashrams zen monastries. People think masters monks will be very compassionate. They dont encourage asking questions at all.They crush the ego often. They hit you test your patience intimidate you crticize you rebuke demean tell you fool they test your attachment detachment likes dislikes give wrong guidance to see if one have the discrimination to call the bluff they will test how determined one is after truth how attached to money family opposite sex name fame lust and seeker ego and spiritual ego how disciplined one is how truthful how sincere dedicated ??? The prerequisites of Truth integrity listening with empty mind calmness equanimity tolerance to suffering dispassion to sense pleasures dedication compassion to all (but not attachment) and very very strong quest for Truth -Qualifications required for a seeker ??? The important qualifications are cutting the interest of seeking knowledge - but choose the path and practice - silence (no talking unnecessarily) no debates no intellual arguements. Seekers are not supposed to guide tell their experiences to fellow seekers. Speak only the Truth - Truth what they mean here what ones own experience.Not opinions not borrowed knowledge. Thoughts Speech Action should be the same. The path is not just sitting in meditation for half an hour but continously putting garbage in to the mind rest of the day Full concentration mindfulness of ones action every moment when in action work. ??? Actual spiritual life of monks can be learnt only if we have chance not just to interact but see how they live and spend time with them for couple of months. Indiscipline disobediance disrespectful words (bad words ) one will be thrown out. Daily routine. They dont emphasize or advice fast quick enlightenment. The emphasize is on purification-transformation of mind not just transcending the mind naturally. (Which is where differences come - dont get caught in purification trap - choose a middle path top down approach-bottom up aporoach etc) but neverthless I am ashamed of myself of where I am and where they are as a person and disciplined purified mind ????

Haha jokes aside, Leo was a very important person in my transformation, and the friends I met here are so important for me, too good not to share. Thanks Leo for building bridges so I could meet those incredible beings That’s me and Justin watching the sunset today in Malibu, we meet from time to time to talk about the god bufo alvarius and self actualization stuff. It’s so amazing to have other people to share this crazy and beautiful path with has someone else met in person? Would love to see more pics ?

Goes like: Truth (Pure consciousness, completely detached, completely being, no need of freewill, end of all suffering/no suffering) --> Everythingness (anything automatically coming out of it, all realms-each behaving in certain ways, some have more power of choice, some less, some closer to the Source-Truth) --> singularity (flow, transformation, black/white hole, Riding the Ox Backwards) --> ego (embodiment into your body, to love realm, as well as embodiment into the universe) _____ I was commenting on no freewill in this thread.

@Leo Gura Perhaps a green version of Trump isn't the best way to describe it. I meant it more in the sense that Trump has taken over and is revolutionizing the republican party. I think Bernie could do the same in a Green version. For example, republicans are afraid to speak against Trump in fear of being shamed, primaried etc. Yet this is done with toxic motivations. I think if Bernie got the same level of public Green energy as Trump has red/blue energy, he could use that energy to transform the party up to Green - much the same as Trump has transformed republicans back down to red/blue. Yet Bernie is a healthy version of it. We are already seeing this transformation. After a few years of Bernie, Democratic politicians may be afraid to speak out against Bernie and his follows - in fear of feeling The Bern.

Letting go quotes from the glossary. 2 of 12 from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/letting-go The Personality Can't Let Go; It Just Stops Pushing If the personality stops pushing, it ceases to exist, because the very existence of the personality is a contraction, a pushing. So, when you follow this process, the part of the personality which is holding a particular tension will disappear when you see no more reason to push. When you realize that the pushing is useless, you stop doing it. This is still not exactly what is called surrender; it is what is sometimes called letting go. We sometimes think of it as the personality letting go, but even this is not accurate. The personality can't let go. It just stops pushing. And when it stops pushing, it disappears. There is no person which is letting go of something. There is no entity letting go of another object. When Ego Ceases Its Defensive Posture Completely then Being Acts This interdependence between ego and Being can also be seen in the process of inner metabolism. Ego on its own cannot complete the metabolism of experience and hence cannot bring about complete human development; Being is needed for this process to take place. On the other hand, Being cannot accomplish on its own the whole process of metabolism; it cannot dislodge ego when ego is defensive. From the perspective of the mind, Being can be resisted easily with a slight movement of ego; thus ego must first cooperate by relinquishing its defensive posture. It is up to ego to cease resisting. When it ceases its defensive posture completely, then Being acts. This is an important understanding for methods of inner realization. The work on purifying or understanding ego will not lead, by itself, to transformation. Being by itself cannot do it either. The work must be done from both directions—the letting go of ego defenses and the development of Essence.

@ValiantSalvatore All kind of acts of violence - Murder,rape,terrorism,violence,abuse,cheating which harm others physically,mentally is termed as sin. Regarding lust - It is attachment to sensual pleasure it is a necessary mechanism for pro-creation.So by itself it is neither good or bad.Only if one is attached addicted to lust - sex as a means of pleasure seeking like all other temporary sensual pleasure then it is considered a bondage.Seeing the opposite sex as object of pleasure is not expected from a Guru. From the standpoint of a Guru who is supposed to see everything as one - god if is still entangled in petty lust identifies himself as body and and abuses his position as a master and indulges in sexual activity with the faithful innocent disciples then it is pure cheating.Doing great dis-service,harm. How can such person who is deluded with lust,greed can consider himself qualified to impart Truth,selflessness,purity to the upliftment of fellow humans from bondage-suffering ? Regarding enlightenment - There are no stages.Either one is enlightened or not enlightened. There are only stages in transformation of mind. With true wisdom it is said comes true humility,love,peace,compassion,un selfishness,patience,tolerance and compassion to uplift the humanity. So how responsible the Guru should be in terms of living as an example his actions and teaching.Such high standards are mentioned expected as pre-requisites for a Guru. But if an enlightened decides not to take that responsibility and chooses to remain free - mostly they dont interact with world and remain secluded.They dont disclose their wisdom nor claim themselves to be Guru. Traditionally monks remain as brahmacharies for 12 years and only after careful observation Sanyas is offered only if their mind is pure.

@ben_pte There are so many diverse approaches to magick. First I would start with the philosophies about occult enlightenment and self transformation. There is some real power there. Become something that can be a tool for the divine and things can get very interesting. I like Damon Echols. He has a book called high magick that I got started on. He also does a great interview on Buddha at the Gas Pump where he dives deep in the spiritual ascent aspect.

It is said that motion is an illusion constructed by our brains just as time is. Plants, fungus, or cells are not aware of what time is and therefore are not conscious in that sense. They might as well be just your conscious brain imagining things living on their own. It's nonsense to think that they are communicating with concepts and perceive motion just the same we do because we know that isn't the case. There are different levels of evolution. Ultimately, real world doesn't care about what we want to believe. Walls are still walls and we're still humans experiencing the physical realm. If you want to believe that there are unicorns flying and we're not human, then science is not for you. And death is transformation but not in the sense we think it is. The brain, together with all materiality - the universe itself - is contained within consciousness. Once we're dead, our senses and our conscious brain will be gone and there will be nothing like "me" or "you" left behind.

Hey. Sounds rough. I don't think I've had the same degree of social issues, but I've had some so I'll share what I've experienced and learned. I've had, for the better part of my life I think, had trouble feeling connected and like I belonged. I felt I never really had social security and was always an outsider. After graduating and since then I've had long periods of isolation with not many people around me. If I did have people they were some family and a couple of other people. Even if I physically had some people I kept in contact with I would still feel isolated, stressed, and disconnected from them. I'm at a point now where I've been focusing on allowing feelings and behaviors to come through and have associated my social block with an intense pressure in my chest which, in previous years, had gone unnoticed. I've had moments recently where I was able to "turn it off", like a light switch using mindfulness, labeling, love, and contemplation. I'd be able to focus on the sensation, label it "allow" or "love" or "let go" or "feel" (or anything of that sort) and could release the sensation for a while. After this I'd be totally open and communicative with others and would actually enjoy being around them. I also noticed, which is new, that the feeling seems to be me rejecting others (perhaps from fear or of being hurt). Reiki, mindfulness and labeling, giving oneself love, sentence completion exercises, accepting the emotions, and self-inquiry I think have been major contributors to my successes. And psychedelics.... and compassion. It was actually through self-compassion that I experienced my most significant shift out of the social block. Connection, for me, is very important. I used to focus solely on enlightenment but I could never manage to live by myself without falling apart. I'm at a point where I realize that developing social connections is very important for my health and well-being and that it opens the doors to so much in life. Perhaps one day i'll be mature and developed enough to do the ol' "live in a cave alone" thing and focus on spirituality. Till then I think (for me) that human connection is a very important aspect of life and growth. Also, I think it's important to have a balanced and long-term view of healing/growth. I used to want to get it done with in an instant. I think that pressure was counter-productive. One's attitudes, thoughts, beliefs, and strategies towards healing and suffering can be almost as beneficial as the actual healing itself. Love and acceptance is probably a good place to start . Starting from a place of love makes transformation more smooth and sustainable. What attitudes, views, or beliefs in regards to your issues are a hindrance? What attitudes, views, or beliefs in regards to your issues are helping? Why do you want to change? Where haven't you investigated (in terms of therapies, aspects of yourself (somatic, emotional, memories, perhaps past lives or perinatal traumas)? What can you do to grow socially without being too far outside your comfort zone (no growth due to too much stress) or too far inside your comfort zone (no growth due to no change)? Can you notice if your issues are survival strategies? If so, what are you trying to survive? (I'd recommend Leo's Survival series if this question doesn't make sense) What do you want? Were there times when these issues weren't apparent? If so, what was different about those times? What's worked and why? What hasn't worked and why?

Not trying to judge you my dude. Just offering you another perspective. Of course that article will say it's not conscious. Science will define what is aware and isn't aware of self based on consciousness being electricity inside a nervous system. This is kind of like using the word to define the meaning of the word. I'm making an assumption here, that means that you don't think plants, fungus, or cells, etc without a centralized nervous system are conscious? A radical interpretation of consciousness that I lean more towards everyday, is if it moves, it is conscious. Reality is ultimately groundless, so I could say it's all conscious to some degree. I believe the universe loves the game of hide and seek. I believe death is a transformation. While I may or may not be intelligent or conscious, I'll be something else: everything. I'll return to what I originally and always have been, still the universe. ? In the west, we demonize the hell out of death. But I've heard a couple good quotes. No one has ever done it and lived to tell us about it. And dying is perfectly safe. ?

http://biologyofkundalini.com/ KUNDALINI - (Sanskrit kund, "to burn"; kunda, "to coil or to spiral") a concentrated field of intelligent, cosmic invisible energy absolutely vital to life; beginning in the base of the spine when a man or woman begins to evolve as wisdom is earned. Kundalini has been described as liquid fire and liquid light. The ultimate outcome of kundalini is the union of Will (sakti- kundalini), Knowledge {prana-kundalini) and Action (para- kundalini) http://biologyofkundalini.com/ Jana's energy amazes me. When you see everything she has tied together and researched, it's amazing. I've never talked to her or emailed her or anything. I've just enjoyed this site off and on over the years. I also like her for not being afraid of saying some far out shit. To be honest, there are parts of this book I have not read. Most of my time has been spent in a specific location of the book. This is a bit out of her chapter - toxic mind theory. Progressively it is coming to light that there is a large neuro-detoxification component to the kundalini phenomena. After reading Peter Levine, Robert Scaer, Alan Schore, Arthur Janov, Joseph Chilton Pearce and Ellie Van Winkle it is apparent to me that kundalini arises either spontaneously or through provocation in an effort to bleed of tension held in the limbic brain from the fossilized repression of emotion. Kundalini is a process by which the body is attempting to "throw off" its former conditioning through detoxification, death and regeneration. I am a big fan of the Toxic Mind Theory of mental and emotional illness which is described by Ellie Van Winkle at www.redirectingselftherapy.com/toxicmind.html He suggests emotional repression of the full expression of the fight/flight response and the consequent lack of resolution back to a neutral set point, results in the atrophy and toxicosis in catecholamine-noradrenergic neurons. A toxin is anything that cannot be utilized by the cell, and when elimination is impaired, toxins accumulate to intolerable levels and trigger a detoxification process. This cycle of toxification and detoxification shows up in the form of a mild to extreme disturbance in the emotions and personality. A kundalini awakening represents an intensive and extensive detoxification process during the temporary lifting of the repressive mechanisms of the "conscious" ego. Very many if not all factors lead me to this conclusion. For example fasting or going on a raw diet awakens kundalini because the body at last receives the energy and resources needed to bring about a detoxification crisis. Whereas the normal cooked diet requires so much energy and resources to process that it becomes an ally in the spiritual repressive mechanisms of the ego, as do all such addictions. Thus natural growth and transformation is thwarted as the personality clings to its past imprints by various means of self-suppression; including getting others to victimize you. Toxic Mind Theory is an elaboration of the stressing and unstressing process. A kundalini awakening is an amplified version of this normal cyclic detoxification process that affects us all. "A detoxification crisis is the sum of many crises in separate neurons, and depressive and excitatory symptoms may occur simultaneously. Whether symptoms will develop depends upon the extent of the toxicosis, and persons who are experiencing symptoms are healthier than those who are not because they are detoxifying their nervous systems." E. Van Winkle The bipolar shift from over excitement to depression is characteristic of nearly all mental disorders including addictions and Alzheimers. Van Winkle associates the hyperactive stage with excess norepinephrine and other metabolites flooding the synapses; first this causes excitation in postsynaptic neurons and then noradrenergic receptors become bound up with these other factors (dopamine, epinephrine, serotonin, GABA, peptides, amino acids and various waste products) and depression ensues.

I think he offered a nice view at the global level regarding international agreements/laws vs. fragmented global nationalism. I think he was off the mark regarding the type of commentary that resonates with the liberal left. He gave John Oliver as an example of how the liberal left enjoys mocking "ordinary people" through comedy lacking substance. I suppose this is true for a portion of the left and it depends on how one defines "liberal". We could make a distinction between liberal and progressive. Yet the strongest resonance with progressives is not late show comedy, although it may provide relief. I would put the "liberal" group Zizek refers to as more upper Orange / lower Green. I'd put progressives at solid Green and they would resonate much stronger with independent news sources like TYT, Rebel HQ, Majority Report etc. At times they may delve into surface level mockery - yet it is with a cutting edge. Someone like Emma Vigeland is a prototypical solid progressive and she is all gravitas. This is where the depth, energy and passion is within the democratic party driving the transformation Zizek mentioned. I'm not sure if he is unaware how strong this segment is or if his point was that there are too many democrats within the "liberal left" that need to shift over to the "progressive left". I can see clear distinctions between corporate democrats and liberal/progressive democrats - yet I don't see clear distinctions between so-called liberal and progressive playing out. Progressives call out and rally against corporate democrats. Regarding his Democratic transformation, we are seeing it play out right now: Biden vs. Sanders/Warren. . . And Biden will not be the nominee, even with the support of mainstream media.

@Danioover9000 Great question. Ive listened to a lot of talks about this because I had the same questions. Some people draw defined lines between black and white magic but I dont think it is quite that simple. Many people say that white magic is for spiritual evolution and black magic is for egoic desires. People that call themselves black magicians will use what many call white magic for inner transformation. People that would be considered evolved white magicians may occasionally use what many would consider to be black magic. Some people think that prosperity magick is black. If we have to spend valuable time working for money, I dont see a problem using magick to get money. Some people will use black magic on others for revenge and spite but what if you needed to stop someone who was seriously threatening you or a loved one? Im a "turn the other cheek" kind of person if it is just a bruised ego. Im the kind of guy that waves and smiles at people if they flip me off in traffic. I believe in showing kindness to everyone whenever possible. I wish ill on nobody but I have a personal life situation in which someone is trying to manipulate the legal system to take money that Ive saved for my retirement. Unfortunately for them, the best tool to protect myself is "black" magick. I will take it as far as I need to to make them rethink things. I believe it is intention that makes something "black" or "white" magick. Some people get off on darkness. That is not me. My values are love, beauty and truth but sometimes we have to enforce our boundaries through strength. Magick is a good way to deal with the "bullies" in life. I think black and white in this context is a false dichotomy.

Today's reading - 8 -23 -2019 Just one unchanging Hexagram - 43 Resoluteness/Breakthrough a small piece of the text,,,,, "The force of will lies neither in physical nor mental power, but in its irresistible strength, which develops when it aligns with inner truth. Breakthrough refers to the successful effort of the will in breaking down the power of the ego. The breakdown of the ego is initiated through saying the inner No to any part of the ego that is active in the situation. The inner No brings about transformation in the realm of the atom, which is the realm of consciousness." page 365

I'm reading the book "persuing consciousness" atm. In the book the Peter Ralston (the author) says the following, which makes sense to me. He makes a clear distinction between enlightenment and transformation. Often people think that one includes the other, this is not a given. He defines enlightenment as "becoming conscious of whats actually true". Classic enlightenment referst to becoming conscious of the truth about Self and what Reality is. This realization does not necessarily bring change or transformation with it, it is simply knowing whats true. Even thought in most cases when someone has an enlightenment experience, some aspect of the mind changes but by far not all of it. Following: just because your aware of what the Truth is does not make you the best version of yourself

Here is a high level discussion about the potentially disastrous changes that we are going to face over the coming century from climate change. The talk is led by an environmental philosopher called Rupert Read who is campaigner and spokesperson for Extinction Rebellion. His general view is that the world is going to shit, basically, and we need a much deeper transformation of society, politics and ultimately our consciousness in order to prevent complete collapse of human civilisation. I suspect he is right. The discussion is quite morbid and terrifying in many ways. I thought the questions from the audience and the general discussion were very intelligent and thoughtfull, so I highly recommend watching the full video.

Hi. I found that the more I stay in being presence and silence the more I start to look strange to close people like family, friends and girlfriend. I have gone through a huge transformation. I become really silent, do not speak that much ,do no want to tell anything about me. I can relate to people but only the necessary things. I do not force myself to be like this, it is very natural to me and I feel to be much more myself in this empty states. This creates some tension, embarrassment and strange feelings to others because of my silent presence. They often ask me if I have some problem. Have you experienced something like this ?

Also psychopathy is just "lack of affective empathy", that's literally pretty much it (in a nutshell, there's more to it though but that to me would be the clear differentiator). Lack of affective empathy leads to many other consequences that we take for granted. SD doesn't have neuroscientific grounding, so an improved model could easily be made if well developed neuroscientists very familiar with SD or people in SD had a high grounding in neuroscience spent the necessary amount of time to create one. There's no reason why a psychopath wouldn't be able to go through various high levels of ego transformation (beyond what you'd normally think or assume) actually in light of understanding the flaws of SD, a flaw in SD or any model is a window of opportunities for all the things that fit through that gap, in this case, the growth of a psychopath which is an important thing to imagine to develop not only ones thoughts on what a psychopath is, firstly its merely another model with its own flaws, but what the limits of ego development are as well as how different sub-types of 'personality' uniquely fit into that realisation.

I've been staying off the forum the past month, here are the things that have been happening: I was reading Meditations on the Tarot and it is probably the best book I have ever read. It is just pure genius and world-shattering insights on every page. I stopped reading it at the letter IX: the hermit because I got discouraged by the resolution by the previous letter and the fact that the author started demolishing philosophical dilemmas that I didn't find relevant to my current situation. Still, outstanding book - I will get back to it at some point. I had 2 week vacation, half of which I spent at my mother-in-law's that lives in the countryside. I was under the influence of Meditations and had a lot of insights about interconnectedness of the world. I talked to my mother in law a lot, she seems to be spiritually inclined, but lacks knowledge on the subject. I helped to soothe her worries about her partner's misuse of alcohol and her family dynamic in general. While staying there, I suddenly became inspired to code again. My python project was on hiatus for almost a year. I'm creating a program that automatically translates CNC programs between various languages. It started as a toy project to amuse myself at work and learn some python in the process, but after many iterations grew into something that I'm quite content with (even though It's yet to translate anything). The program is implemented with two libraries that I wrote in this project: Babel and Hydra. Babel is a parser generator that is somewhat unique in that one grammar definition can be used to both read and write the language that was being described. I developed it independently from the ground up, but it turned out to be similar to something called parsing expression grammar. This "invertibility" of the grammar is crucial for my project because I don't want to write programs for reading and writing independently. Currently, commercial translator programs are one-way only and they only work from one set language to another set language and it's impossible to mix them. My program reads the CNC program, 'understands it' by simulating the CNC machine state and outputs from that simulated state. This is the trick that allows for translation, the intermediate 'meaning' of the program that is machine-dependent and preserved between languages. Hydra, on the other hand, is the library that I created to implement the 'meaning' of the program, the state of the CNC machine. The machine that runs the program is described by the tool position and orientation expressed in various coordinate systems that are linked by transformation functions. The translated program is interpreted as a set of commands to update the state of the machine, and Hydra calculates the entire new state given partial information (using the transformation functions). I tried to do this by simple numerical solvers in SymPy, but it turned out to be too slow for my purposes. Hydra is much more generic than that, it can be thought of as a discrete dependency solver. So, in the past 2-3 weeks I've been writing Hydra from the ground up and developing the conflict-solving algorithm which was pretty daunting, to be frank. Actually this is the ting that has been stalling my project for the past half year and the result is very, very interesting. Hydra is, hmmm... let's say alive. It is a tree-like organism that rebuilds itself after being disrupted by the update. it traverses the dependency hierarchy and produces parts of itself and checks if they are not in conflict with each other to maintain the set constraints. it's very beautiful and has a kind of its own intelligence. While testing it, there were many cases where I thought that it should be able to reconstruct itself when it actually failed and I spent hours looking for bugs only to be proven wrong in my assumptions. I'm very pleased with how it all turned out, the only downsides are that the Hydra user code is difficult to write (many complexities in solving) and it's getting slow again. I'm considering rewriting the program in C++ for this reason and started to dabble in my other C++ library too. For now, I implemented Heidenhain language in Babel and described a 3-axis milling machine in Hydra. Heidenhain can only read programs for the time being and is yet to feed them to Hydra for processing. I've been testing Hydra in isolation thus far. In the meantime, in the second week of my vacations, I tripped on LSD again - 100 ug. I wrote a mini trip report on the consciousness forum, so I won't repeat myself here. In short, I experienced the active coherence of the present moment as infinite love. I understood my own stupidity on a whole new level and bonded with my wife tremendously. We had a few fights in the meantime, but there's been great progress in how we understand and appreciate each other. After many heated discussions we finally decided to share our finances fully and merged our bank accounts. This got a LOT of burden off my shoulders and relieved many implicit tensions between the two of us. She also decided to actually start being responsible with our money and educate herself in this manner and I'm absolutely astonished with the results! So far, no fights about money! Yay! I also started to actually cook instead of just helping in the kitchen, so it also took some burden off her. Win-win overall. The other thing that happened is that a Zen master was giving a lecture in my town and I showed up to see him. It was around the time when I was reading Meditations and was looking for someone to humble myself back to normality after my latest awakening. it was just spot on, his presence just floored me. Amazing person, soft and firm at the same time. I kind of crashed the party there, but they were really nice and did their best for me to feel welcome and hold their curiosity at bay. Last Thursday I went on the meeting of that group and had a great one hour zazen sit. After that we were discussing the five skandas and I had an opportunity to deepen my knowledge about Buddhism. Very,very,very busy. I was actually feeling a little down today, but writing this made me realize just how amazing of a person I am. Keep on rockin' tsuki.