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Hey guys, so maybe you´ve been reading my previous posts about my experiences doing self inquiry. It´s about the 3. week right now doing it everyday for at least 30 minutes. I´ve realized that I think therefore I believe aka. I´m identified with the idea of the seperate me that´s sort of the collection of my body, emotions, desires, fears, thoughts and so on. I´ve also realized that there´s something that is identified with these things that is not me and can´t have a form of it´s own because it always takes on the form of the things which which make up my Ego/Self. My first taste or the beginning to grasp emptiness or nothingness. So currently I´m contemplating nothingness. I mean all the theory says you are emptyness, empty space, nothingness and so on and now that I feel like I´ve come a few steps closer to it I´m starting to approach it directly. But how the f**k is that possible. Really ! I´ve just realized that I´m always searching for something in this inquiry. Somting meaning some sort of form. That´s ultimately a total illusion right ??? It´s such a huge mindfuck. And as it is the case with all the other insights I´ve reiceived I feel like it´s just the beginning of the full realization that the insight points "me" to. How can we handle this paradox doing Self Inquiry. The paradox of trying to understand something via the mind that can not be understood by the mind. The paradox of being stuck in the world of form and in paradimes of physical reality and seperation and in that style of thinking discover something all inclusive with no boundries, that´s formless. After all thoughts are language and language is always dualistic and so on and so forth. In hope to receive some guidance. Much Love, Moritz

Yes. I thought for a long time that the Absolute is maybe somehow "behind" space, or being bigger than the Visual Field (that was already at least sometimes nondual at that point in time). Or that it encompasses the visual field. At some points, it dawns on oneself that all of these "probings", attempts, investigations.... are just more arisings happening within you. And the space is imagined IN YOU. If you try to looke for this line, drawing this line, imagining this line, you imagine it WITHIN the space you imagine. It all appears or is being imagined. You will never find the Absolute in any object, any arising, any location. Any self, any appearance, any anything. But this process of "emptying out" everything, to fully BECOME it, to see each an any arising (thought, appearance, understanding, whatever,n+1) as arising in YOU, you have to become fully empty. Nothingness. But yet, that process has to be walked earnestly to the final end, and can not be shortcut. Also because the Absolute is also infinite, IN-FINITE. Nothing you can measure, find, define. Nothing finite. No arising/appearance, however subtle. Even formless arisings (thoughts, formless subtle level lightshow, whatever), are not it. Because IT is timeless. Always there. Formless arisings also come and go. Nice book on that topic: Szyper, Infinite Consciousness. And then, when You are fully empty, you can be fully everyting, nondual. A more concise formulation, and much more beautiful than my ramblings above: “We live in illusion and the appearance of things. There is a reality. We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all.” ― Kalu Rinpoche Perfect. If the thinking can solve all open existential questions, you can rest in the Suchness that you are. Nonmeditation-Yoga. You cut off all separate self arisings in real time (since you are proficient enough in that "cutting off" immediately when these "thought-capsules" arise out of consciousness. They havent even been elaborated out, that comes later. Funny thing is, at some point you notice they emerge with the full content of the thought already "in there", and that gets elaborated later and more slowly. The Skill of Reckognition in Daniel Browns "Pointing Out the Great Way". Getting that high-speed cut-off in place triggered for me the step from just cutting thoughts/separate self arisings, aka emptying the mindstream while the "external" world is still solid & out there, to the visual field getting nondual, centerless, luminous mere appearance. So that transforms the Visual Field slowly to mere groundless appearances. You feeling localized ends, the localization dissolves. My theory for that (but I have no proof), is that the Endohuasca-System of the body gets activiated. To cut off efficiently all "Great Doubts/Questions", as I termed them for myself, like the questions above on the nature of space/time/separate self, you need to understand the answer and "how it works". Or you push through with Koan-Meditation concentration-style. That also works, but I feel very sure that this would have taken me 5-10 times longer, and would have been much much (!) more unpleasant. How to "finish" time Mahamudra/Pointing Out the Great Way Style, and end up at the so called "Always Here Mind", the eternal or rather timeless Infinite Consciousness, thats another topic. If you are interested let me know. That is described for example in the Yoga of Unelaboration Chapter of Pointing Out the Great Way. Assumption/Theory: Meditation-induced and body-produced Endohuasca (DMT, 5-MeO, ....): What I assume is that a certain level of proficiency of cutting/transcending of the "harder/deeper" searate self arisings, and the "hard/deeper" existential questions (like space/time/....), or transcending and letting them just play out, but being aware of them as objects, being able to cut them anytime, see their arisings out of consciousness, their flow with in, and their disappearance, triggers probably some kind of Endohuasca-System, your body producing similiar chemicals (DMT,5-MeO, MAO-Inhibitors....) that you can also trip with when supplying them externally. To trigger that means staying in full mindfulness for a long time, having taken the meditation off the pillow and not getting distracted. The effects are very similiar to Psychedelics (nonduality, luminous mere appearance, groundlessness of all appearance, Infinity, timelessness, even shutting off the separate self/Ego (although not completely mostly. Some quite subtle feeling/filters/lenses of perceptions of Individuality (sth watching sth.) often remain): https://dmtquest.org/endohuasca-magic/ and that gives you the multiple hundreds/maybe thousands of hours that one needs in the "nondual timless infinite mere appearance visual field state" to get aware of every last subtle separate self arising. But that can be done in everyday life, at least while not being distracted too much. Of course, getting previews by psychedelics to confirm that there is something to be reached, to get to know the Nondual Infinite Field of mere appearance, maybe even visiting the causal Whiteout-Godhead of Infinite Potential: Awesome. But probably will not suffice in most cases to get one "on the other side". Then, finally, at the very end, the separate self is just a very very subtle feeling of individuality. Body, Location, Duality, time, all have gone a long time ago. Its just an Infinity of groundless mere appearance visual field showing up, limitless, already nondual(!) and luminous/mere appearing. And "a" nothing that is only aware of that. Like nearly nothing at all. Very very subtle and murky. Roger Thisdells No-Self, stage 4. And then you are ready for the Big Bang, that then can happen all by itself. Sudden Awakening. One can not force it. Crossing over happens by itself, resting long enough in that state, and letting it ripen. If one wants to do that only by tripping... well, I never read from or about one case where Full Enlightenment/Realization actually worked. But maybe there are cases. It takes too much time to get rid of the last subtle veils of the separate self, and by tripping you can also be distracted by the show/understanding/whatever. It always reads like some separate-self elements still well and alive and not transcended, no fully empty "No-Self" having looked totally in to the Abyss of Nothingness,but having had the hell of an infinite nondual mere appearance experience of a (for sure) very interesting visual field bubble or God or Alien or I don't know what. Plenty of stuff in the Multiverse to explore and understand, especially considering that it goes upwards the Holon-Pyramid forever (Planet-Monad creating/maintaining all perspectives on it, Galaxy-Monad, Universe-Monad, Multiverse-Monad, n+1). And plenty of stuff of the properties of God to project on the remains of the separate self... You are very welcome. I believe there are two elements installed in the universe, in order to not give Maya every advantage (she already has enough): 1.The radiating bliss/love of the Realized Being. 2. Any separate self teaching "down from up high" with any "superiority-raditation", marveling at its own ingeniuty/superiority is normally just keeping the illusion going, because: If you are all, how can you be superior to anything? Compassion and humility, and helping "others" look around the next corner of their own path, is indicated. Not sustaining the illusion with "I see the Matrix", and its "Saul Goodman". Sorry And luckily, that attitude isn't very sexy for the fellow seekers, see point 2. above. On the other side, how are realized Dzogchen-Realizers depicted in Tibetan Buddhism: Radiating great humor. Why? Nothing "other" holy anywhere.... at least nothing where making jokes is forbidden. But not a condencending/superiority humor that has fallen in love with itself. Because what is there that a "you" could be "superior" to? Superior to another aspect of Your Own Being? Easy way to cut reality in two or create duality, so a rather not so smart idea.... To tell the difference between these two kinds of humors, the hard-wirings of humans are usually quite well calibrated. Selling Water by the River

Hi Mike, I am not sure if I fully get your questions. If my answer below is not on topic, please excuse, and let me know. Below are some ramblings on the topic of space, and how it developed for me going from "self-existing-reality-aspect" to "imagined in Reality/Infinite Consciousness". which was one of the deciding steps boosting nonduality/mere groundless appearance in everyday life, making the constant intuiting of fundamental Nothingness/Reality much more proficient. At least for me, space itself was one of the last things to go from "self-existing" to imagined. "Time" as concept goes before, and is replaced by the Always Here Mind/Reality. Space is one of the first "Archetypes" necessary for manifestation in this dimension, and one of the last things to be seen through. Space is not fundamental (or self-existing), it is also imagined. Space (any kind, 3D, 4D, non-euclidian, whatever. Infinite amounts of different space-dimensions in Mathematics) is not any kind of Absolute Reality. It took me a long time to get this, thinking along quite similiar lines of thought as these you write above. Space is normally seen as such a fundamental that (at least for me) didn't even considering questioning that, or rather wondered how space "fits into the picture" of Ultimate Reality,which has cost me quite some time. The perspectives of Consciousness/Reality of the Leavitt picture (hyperbolic Euclidian Space of Visual Fields Bubbles, see previous posts) are not situated in any kind of space. The "Absolute or Nothingness/Primary Consciousness/Reality unaware of itself when no arising is imagined" is more fundamental than space. It is fundamentally totally spaceless. Space is imagined in it. As one of the first arisings. If there is nothing, there is no kind of space. Just Infinite Potential. See the Massaros Waterpistol example (Conversations with a Skeptic) I wrote about in previous posts. With space, I mean any kind of space, 3D, non-Euclidian, n+1 dimensions. Also, Indras Net is not situated in space. Leavitts Picture is a version of Indras Net. Both taken together are a nice working model. An Infinity of perspectives are imagined, and all but your own perspective forgotten in space. Psychedelics can loosen that quite a lot, you get access to more than "your" perspective of this life. But One Absolute Consciousness/Reality is aware of them all (since there can not be anything else than THAT, which is also a direct realization), and "that" also happens to be the stuff/material of all appearances, totally nondual. Perceptions perceiving themselves. And with no appearance/arising, this Reality is unware of itself, but with the potential for sentience. To make it more practical: If you have ever remained aware while going from Dream Sleep to waking state (or the other way round): There is a spaceless state in between, with NOTHING arising. Infinite. No Space. "vast", but not even vast. Just infinite. It is not 3D-Space. Just Nothing. No separate small you. Only Infinite Potential. Similiar to Deep Sleep (blackout), but like an infinite Nothingness/darkness suffused with light, timeless since there is no movement, just nothing. Your perspective is not situated in space then. Space gets imagined in the dream, and in "waking-life", so "before" or "after" THAT (and to be more precise, since there is no time/change in it, it all gets imagined IN IT). And of course, waking life is also a dream, just more coherent, happening in IT/You/Reality. With enough meditation/practice awareness can carry into these states, and instead of the usual Deep Sleep Blackout it can become something as described above, which of course makes the structure of reality more clear. Maya-Deep-Sleep-Blackout replaced by something more revealing (Infinite Darkness suffused with light, and not just a blackout). And I know, all of that is imagind right now, but these states still can occur. And its quite beneficial for understanding to experience them. All this logical reasoning can't get you to the big Awakening into what You really are. But a coherent explanation can help calm the thinking-mind during meditation (on or off the pillow), especially when its no longer only concentrative meditation, but meditation without concentration-support-object, and make it "compatible" for the Realization. And can help you boost your nondual/mere appearance visual field during that. With that goal, I write these lines. Not to logically get you to a conclusion/reasoning that you are IT, but to open the door to be available for that Realization in certain fully nondual states when you are fully empty of separate self arisings, and all perceptions appear as mere appearance. But I agree that the Zen-guys are way smarter than me: They would just mainly stay shut up, smile at you and make you meditate (boost nondual states), and say something like "go looking for the face before your parents were born". Which is actually the same thing I try to point to above. It is up for the reader if these ramblings of mine are of any worth. The Realization is a direct insight/understanding, Consciousness/Reality understanding itself, since there is nothing else. It is not "I always come to this conclusion, that is why I can rule out the rest, so that must be it". That is all nice and good (and necessary), some of the preliminary Awakenings/Enlightenments coming before the Big Bang, necessary to a certain degree and profiency to make the Mindstream "compatible" for the Big Bang. It is more like something undeniable, like a punch in the face. It is an unmistaken insight into what the True You/Reality are, no doubt/error possible. Self evident. Dead-certain (literally). The possibility that one can be gaslit on that Realization is something like a joke occuring in You/Reality. Or, as said in Zen: You can smile the devil in the face, and not be shaken in your certainty of What You are. Or: Who knows the spring does not drink from the cup. If "you" still can doubt it, it is not It. The more compatible your mindstream is with the Enlightened Mind (meaning no possible concept not seen through as thought arisings-in you, the last to go after space is "individuality" of a separate anything), the higher the chance for the Big Bang described above. Small "you" can't force it, but create circumstances where IT can happen (That is a large chunk of the essence of Nonmeditation-Yoga in Mahamudra). You become the whole Infinite "Thing" afterwards, with nobody watching "It". Perceptions perceiving themselves, Steven Norquist style. See my last post if you are so inclined. And yes, that haunted emptiness is the price to pay. But it just happens to look like there is a "real" price to pay, looking like that from before that Gateless Gate. Having gone through it, there never was a price to pay. To the opposite, you win It all. Everything. Everything there could ever be. What you "loose" is just the grip of the separate thinking/feeling arisings of the separate-self-Gestalt, which was nothing more than a a pattern of illusion-arisings (technically (and beware, reductionism ahead): patterns of phenomena-arisings of a separate self=structure=probability distribution of arising, a process of arisings with a certain systematic to it). Arising in you, but not self-existing: You can happily exist without it. What remains is Reality itself, and a person that isn't less functional than before, but more so (because you are not standing in the way of the optimal rollout of Consciousness/Reality). Short form: "I am not a human, I have a human". To fully get it, you need to awaken to it. Or said differently: If you would fully understand all of the above, you would be realized. On how long its stays "haunted", and how much this haunted reaction lasts: I write more about that in my last post. Maybe that is interesting for you, and I hope I didn't miss the questions too much. If I would have known that back in the day, I would have been faster and could have avoided some time-consuming mistakes. That is why I write it, not to lecture anybody or proove any fixed ideas of mine. The Ego is in large parts a cluster of beliefs, which it has to defend life-or-death style, because for the Ego its exactly that (at least with important core-beliefs). Similiar to what the bear does in the video in the signature of the post. If its not useful for you, just disregard it. In case I rambled on, please excuse the deviation. Selling Water by the River PS: If anyone feels inclined to comment on the post, please check if the bear-move in the link below (signature of the post) is being performed or not, and preferably the Blackeyes Peas and "Where is the love" (or something similiar) is being played in your emotional continuum. Then, any questions, comments, and suggestions are even more welcome than when the song is not playing. PSPS: "If God as you say are exploring though us does that mean those two bodies in that conversation is not looking at each other but that God is imagining and holding both of them within itself? And all these ideas of eyes and perception that aren’t actually in my direct experience are the ways I’ve been taking a false ownership of what’s really God’s experience of the other body as something belonging to my body?" Yes, pretty much like that. Various aspects: 1) Leavitts Non-Euclidian perspectives style, and most perspectives forgotten + 2) Indras Net that any perspective reflects all others + 3) aspect that for example even an atom or molecule has some kind of proto-perspective, reacting on similiarly leveled perspectives (=Holons in Ken Wilbers system, and similiar leveled = other molecules). And Holons/Perspectives all the way down (to infinity, quarks, ....) and all the way up (to infinity, like Galaxy-governing-monads, Universe-governing-monads, Multiverse-creating/sustaining/governing monads, and infinitely higher up n+1, and also completely "OTHER" realms, unimaginable to human mind with space/time/.... For that, see Jac O'Keeffe). And then one could start wondering of how much of that one can have explored/understood of all that manifested stuff in one single human lifetime. Next to Nothing. Infinitesimal so to say, if one is mathematically-prone. So maybe instead one fully realize ones essence and structure of Ultimate Reality/True You as Infinite/Nondual/Absolute Reality/Infinite Consciousness, and LIVE THAT as much as possible? With the bliss it brings? Not to talk about the "hang-over" of the (imagined of course) good Karma/tendencies that brings for ones next imagined manifestation (only if one is inclined to believe in that, which is of course not absolutely real, but part of the imagined show). But that would still be nice for the big show that "we" are all celebrating here So basically, with that model above, you don't need space as self-existing reality. Any maybe consider replacing the God word with some bundle like "Infinite Consciousness/Reality/God/True You". Just to not project/make God some self-existing external reality outside of you. Ultimate Reality is nondual, Infinite Consciousness Nothingness perceiving its own manifestations, perceptions perceiving themselves without separate self elements "clouding" the true state of things. God is not somewhere outside. God is right here. What imagines all of that? Biggest possible accident: Projecting/Confusing the Individuality-Arisings of the Separate-Self-Gestalt on God/Reality/Infinite. That is the worst possible seductive kiss from Maya imaginable. Yet, quite a show....

Steven Norquists descriptions are spot on. But the reactions of "Hauntedness/scary/nothing there/groundless" are ... more arising of the breaking-apart (or rather transcending) of personality/Ego/separate self dynamics at the face of the Abyss/Nothingness. You get used to that after some time. Not the small you, but the big You. The small you at some point just travels through You/Reality like the wind, like any other arising. Not anymore a separate self, but a part, something of the big You/Reality, still functioning, but not separate. Which then after some getting used to, is not scary, but becomes lovely. Norquist also said that he (and anybody other realizing that) wouldn't trade that realization and the ensuing states for anything else. The True You is all of Reality, so nothing more falls away than certain separate self illusion arisings in You/Reality. So nothing really essential falls away. Just some kind of mistaken Identity/Illusion. That caused a lot(!) of suffering in the first place. You are infinitely more than these separate-self arisings. But that realization is "protected" by those scary scary arisings (Haunted, No Person there, Green Mile,...). Courtesy of and best regards from Maya herself. How much its scary... ...depends also on the speed how fast you get dropped into that Abyss of the Real No-Self. If its fast, its probably more scary than on slowly dissolving over time. Then its more like a mild scary fear, like Francis Lucilles Enlightenment: https://francislucille.com/2019/01/spiritual-awakening/ Steven Norquists progress was rather fast, see his bio. There is a video-lecture of him, where he tells his story. The gateless gate can seem scary from the opening entry. Something like: First time? Hope my taste of humor is not misunderstood.... . In case it is, please recheck for relaxation the last video with the smoking stuff I posted. Selling Water by the River Norquist: "99.999% of the spiritual books and teachers out there are completely wrong. They are wrong for one simple reason, they are not enlightened, they don’t know what’s going on. So in order to keep the illusion of personality, of the idea that there is something or someone, they invent stories, or theories, or ideas, wear special clothes, perform certain rituals and so on. They teach this stuff. But the truth is so simple, it is laughable. Now let me make a clear distinction on one point, mystical experience is not enlightenment. You may have mystical experience, see God, get abducted by aliens, receive messages from an angel, contact your spirit guides, the list could go on. But always and forever, no matter what is going on the truth is, every experience, mystical or ordinary is a happening of Universe/Consciousness." 99.999% is probably a bit much, but a scarily large part teaches something like nonduality/God-whatever/Infinity with certain aspects/filters/lense of certrain remaining separate self elements still well and alive, and identifying with that. Maya is a High Performer . Nearly 100% success rate. And she can also handle the candidates on the finishing line also quite well...

I made a list of questions to answer such as: “What is God?”, “Why God is?”, “Where did it come from?” etc. Previous time I did 4.5 grams of Enigma Mushrooms and I had rather a bad trip. This time I decided to go for 3.0 grams. I made a mushroom tea and took it with me outside. After drinking the tea, I sat on a stone near the beach and started going trough my questions. As I was doing that fear begun arising in me. I was afraid to get the same bad experience as the last time. I tried to concentrate on the questions but the fear was too strong. Also, my boundaries were dissolving again and it freaked the shit out of me. I told myself “Fuck this questions and fuck psychedelics” so I stood up, put my earbuds in and decided to walk until the end of the trip. As I was walking and looking around, I was seeing myself again. Everything was my mind, God’s mind. With this came realization that there is nothing in existence but my mind. Another wave of fear crushed on me. I was afraid that I would wake up forever and would never come back to the life. I couldn’t accept this idea so instead I tried resisting the experience. I was trying to convince myself that I’m not God, but of course it was in vain. In the back of my mind, I knew that whether I like it or not I am God and there’s nothing I could do about it. It’s an absolute fact and it will remain like this forever. So, there I was walking around trying to resist it. I was looking at my watch but it stopped. I knew that I’m imagining time. I asked myself “Now what? What am I gonna do?!”. I was like “Okay, fuck it, I’m just gonna Be for eternity and that’s perfectly fine”. I completely accepted my nature. With this fear begun dissolving. I started contemplating my questions. The first one was “Where did I come from?”. Of course, I’ve always been. Always means eternity and therefore it excludes any beginning or end. I also became conscious that I’m the only thing in existence, there can’t be any other gods or entities whatsoever. I’m the Source and I’m the Creator. I’m shining and everything is the reflection of it. I looked at my hands and as I was looking, I realized that I’m these hands and the body but paradoxically I’m not my body. My real body is nothing, it’s pure magical nothingness. Suddenly an interesting thought came to my mind “What if I can consciously go as deep as I want?”. Guess what? Of course, yes! Because I’m God! I started expanding my consciousness by will. I transcended all my memories and the past. I realized that nothing ever happened to me, all of it was just a dream that I made. All pain I’ve gone trough was illusion. All suffering that I saw all the wars, murders, rapes are just illusion. What is not illusion? Love. Love is the Truth. Infinite and pure God’s love is truth. God is just simply magical being made out of pure infinite love. When I realized it I transcended all possible fear. I couldn’t think of anything that would scare me. I became conscious that nothing bad will ever happen, it’s the absolute fact. I went deeper into the Love. I was experiencing deep bliss, happiness, joy, peacefulness and beauty! Of course, no words can explain it and there’s nobody to explain it to! Haha! A few other important things that I discover: 1. There is a paradoxical difference between Me and My creation that is also Me. My creation doesn’t have God’s will power and is controlled by Me. 2. All spiritual teaching are corrupted. They may contain some truth, but corruption ruins it. I created all spiritual gurus and teaching in order to delude myself. 3. Psychedelics the only valid tool to awaken. Meditation, retreats, yoga, breathing techniques are fantasy and can’t be used for spiritual awaking. All of them are good for human life (to be more peaceful, to be capable of accepting stuff, to be in control of the emotions etc.). I know this absolutely because I’m God. P.S. I’ve been doing mushrooms for the last 4 years but I had never had such deep awakenings. The quality of my trips on mushrooms has been improved after experiencing with 5MeO-DMT. Now mushrooms are as strong as 5MeO but way longer. I need to try combining 5MeO and shrooms. From God for God

What the "bottom" or Absolute is, is pretty clearly defined. Absolute Reality itself, with the potential to switch off the show, and still be there. That you and everbody can potentially realize, because you are it. Then you can have for sure many many understandings on how the whole show works, how Reality/God works, how this and any other dimension works, on what God/Reality can do, ... , n+1. Which you can go on exploring when you are either a) fully resting in your True Being also in daily life, having no filters/lenses/not transcended separate self elements not already seen though, and having cut off suffering and getting bliss directly from the Source. The last "filter/separate self-element" by the way is "a" fully empty nothing (not Nothingness), "watching" the Infinity, "being aware" of it, but not fully being it at the core: A transparent feeling of Individuality (which already has no form, is empty, you are already nothing you can point to at this stage), the last remnants of it, already nondual and the visual field fully mere appearance. But that last filter-elements is precicly what prevents getting the "thing" stable in daily life. And I bet an experience of the nondual field, or even of the Infinite Godhead, is "coloured" and experienced through that last very subtle filter. b) go on exploring having had experiences of the Absolute, and still some filters/lenses/not transcended separate self elements intact (in these experiences) and of course also in daily life, where exactly these filters/lenses/not transcended separate self element prevent: 1) realizing the Absolute without a bias (that is when the Absolute gets more properties than it really has. Because any property would limit it. Nothingness Halaw-style) 2) more important: not being able to be the nondual/groundless/mere appearing reality in everday life, and of course not getting the flow of bliss from "there" which then replaces the suffering of the separate self elements. These last filters/building blocks of the separate self are very subtle, very tricks, extremely fast occuring. You need to be very fast in spotting them, and letting them flow through you and not watching through these filteres/lenses, and you need to be very familiar with them. I am convinced, that most people need hundreds of hours (at that phase already off the pillow in daily life) to get familiar and fast enough to let these lenses/filters of the last separate self building blocks flow through them (similiar to any other object) , and not look through them as lense/filter. If you look through them, it kills the state of nonduality and the world being a dreamlike mere appearance mirage, floating in groundless Nothingness (These states by the way is what you also can get with Psychedelics). If you transcend these separate-self-building blocks/filters/lenses/contractions(!), probably the endogenous DMT-System of the body starts producing some kind of Endo-Huasca cocktail, see the fascinating research of https://dmtquest.org/questions-for-the-lion-tamer-1/ , especially chapter Chapter 24 – Endohuasca Magic. Your own illegal psychedelics factory in your body . Shortform of the above: a) Fully realize your True Nature (indicator: no more suffering-cycles in daily life) and then go exploring/understanding the manifestation and manifestation mechanism of reality and Reality or b) go exploring before the bliss of a) is in place. Both paths are valid, path b) can lead to path a) and non-suffering in daily life if done correctly (maybe with a bit meditation of the efficient variety added). Of course, the path a)-variety of ~98%+ of the Spiritual Marketplace doesn't work. I can fully understand Leos dislike of selling the weak soup of just No-Ego/No-Person or an "Enlightened Person (cringe) having Nonduality and perceiving themselves to be that", but that is another topic.... I have never questioned path b). I just question giving path b) a higher value and meaning than path a). For me, that is a bit like voluntarily hitting your knee with a hammer, and calling that superior than hitting the nail, and repeating it. Sorry, love ya all.... ( : I only wonder why anybody would call path b) with suffering "higher", and all paths a) "crap" and inferior. The state-highs and wonderful experiences delivered by understanding reality/God in my opinion only ease the pain of the remaining separate self suffering cycles. Yet, these Insights/Understanding-experiences are for sure truly wonderful and marvelous, probably the most beautiful experiences one can have, savored by highly developed souls which are attracted by such sublime experiences/understandings. But still: Caveat Emptor. But hey, what do I know? NOTHING . On good days a bit of NOTHINGNESS . And "I" love it, and IT loves me. . And I am fully open on the understanding and exploring of path b). Fully. Let's see what kind of alien stuff the brave and ingenious psychonauts drag home. I really look forward and am very curious. Selling Water by the River PS: Please don't beat me with the Broomstick . But I would be really curious on a substantial feedback from Leo. Thanks!

Hi Lilia, maybe you like these two quotes. They highlight how a large majority of the spiritual marketplace is still selling Nonduality, not the realization of Ultimate Reality/Absolute. Some even only sell No Ego/No Person, which comes before Nonduality/mere groundless nondual Appearance.... And some even call the "No Ego/No Person" No-Self. . Well, caveat emptor.... ( : Nisargadatta, in Consciousness and the Absolute: The Final Talks of Sri NisargadattaMaharaj edited by Jean Dunn "The world is your direct experience, your own observation. All that is happening is happening at this level, but I am not at this level. I have dissociated myself from Sattva Guna, beingness. The Ultimate state in spirituality is that state where no needs are felt at any time, where nothing is useful for anything. That state is called Nirvana, Nirguna, that which is the Eternal and Ultimate Truth. The essence and sum total of this whole talk is called Satguru Parabrahman, that state in which there are no requirements. After the dissolution of the universe, when no further vestige of creation was apparent, what remained is my perfect state. All through the creation and dissolution of the universe, I remain ever untouched. I have not expounded this part: my state never felt the creation and dissolution of the universe. I am the principle which survives all the creations, all the dissolutions. This is my state, and yours, too, but you don't realize it because you are embracing your beingness. " That quote of Nisargadatta is given in Halaw, God is Nothingness Halaw writes: "A major shortcoming with much of the nonduality pervading the modern spiritual marketplace is that it seldom acknowledges the Nothingness which permits ‘being’ in the first place. Awareness, Being, Presence—or some variation or combination of the three—and interconnectedness, seem to represent the extent of what modern nonduality is interested in. Nothingness, however, transcends even nonduality; for while the nondual whole encompasses everything—all of ‘being’, in fact—it does not include Non-being, which precedes and acts as the very basis of ‘being’ itself. Imagine: if nonduality, the interconnected matrix of all ‘being’, including mind or consciousness, were represented by an oil painting, then Nothingness is the canvas upon which the picture resides. Nothingness pervades the entire nondual universe; it is the principle that permeates everything. In other words, Nothingness allows nonduality to occur in the first place, just as it does ‘being.’ The reason that the human body, mind, consciousness/awareness, interpenetrate is because Nothingness allows them to exist—or rather, they exist as manifest Nothingness. This must be realized. Experiencing nonduality is not yet Enlightenment. We must penetrate deeper, past all sense of ‘being’, to the canvas below the paint to realize our and all beings’ true nature as boundless Nothingness. When that happens, ordinary mind becomes the Mind of the sages. Buddha Mind, then, is the mind’s recognition of its own empty, groundlessness, not as some eternal supreme principle called Awareness, but as the very living, conscious embodiment of Nothingness in this world, at this very moment. It is not an exaggeration to say that consciousness is the act of Nothingness being aware. To know ultimate Nothingness, jettison everything. That means the world, your body, mind, ideas, beliefs, saviors, prophets, Buddhas, and even consciousness itself. Everything in the manifest realm must go." But don't throw the raft away in the river before you crossed it.... A not so smart move, quite often seen and read. Maya has got some funny tricks up her sleeve... ( : Selling Water by the River PS: If all of this sounds bleak and like nothing-at-all: That Nothingness can create a new Creation "instantly". As it does every moment. It is not a no-thing-at-all (but Nothingness), but unlimited infinite Potential also. And the source of all sentience/awareness, initially unware of itself when no appearance is arising. IT "is" already everything, nondual. "IT" already makes every appearance groundless/mere appearance, the essence of every appearance is already Nothingness. Suchness. You, with a big Y. The Buddha-Nature at the core of every sentient being. At the same, it is the Absolute Abyss that can NEVER be seen as any object/arising, even by the highest Divinity. "The eye can't see itself"-style. Or God remains an eternal mystery to itself. Not on the arising/appearance side, and their mechanism. But with the Nothingness-aspect, the core of awareness/sentience, that can never be seen. And after dabbling with writing about the neither existing nor non-existing Absolute/Totality/Reality, let's conclude with somthing much more precise after all these impossible endevours. ( : Basho's Haiku: Into the ancient pond / a frog jumps / waters sound

So it all starts with my hobby being psychology for like 6 years, i started playing in virtual reality where you're using an avatar in the game using full body vr technology to interact with users in different (gaming) reality. I started doing alot of tests and discovered myself 100% how female psychology/biology works unconsciously. Consider this like Michael Newtons past life regression technique that the discovered. (We humans can discover alot of things by doing things on our own, these things that we discovered will be unknown to people) Basically reaching a higher level of consciousness in certain real life subject. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ For many years i was always thinking about our life purpose or what the purpose of life is, i discovered that the only real purpose of life on this planet is to reproduce. I discovered that low conscious female human brain subconsciously is mostly looking for good genetics, so she mostly will go for males that will show her good genetics in behaviour. The behaviour in male will mostly be based on survival, the main aspect of this is : If i reproduce with him, will my genes survive for thousands of years? This is just a very very small part of female subconscious. I was always thinking that the purpose of life is to reproduce because there is nothing else important to do here on earth, i was thinking about our ancestors. They have been reproducing for thousands of years just to get me here into this future, so i must not dissapoint them and reproduce myself???? Being a man with 10 children is more important then to be a billionare with 1 child??? Oh boy, i was wrong. ( You will know later) ___________________________________________________________________________________________ With my knowledge about female psychology/biology and knowing the purpose of life i applied to a sperm donor clinic, sending them consciously a very narcissistic e-mail. In the e-mail i bragged how much i earned, how good looking i was, that i fighted many times and had 0 losses, told them i achieve everything easily without doing much. After this, they called me for a donation appointment to see how good my sperm was and if they needed it. It was good enough and i could progress further, After sending my donor pasport i got called by a gynaecologist, he said due to corona he couldnt speak to me and sent me straight away to clinical psychologist. He would say things on the phone like : And you are good at fighting? I realized that he was being very judgemental and because of this e-mail he didnt want to talk to me and sent me straight to clinical psychologist but i also realized that it was a test he specifically said: And you are good at fighting? But ignored the sentence next to it where i said: I can achieve everything i want easily. His last sentence on the phone was: If you can pass clinical psychologist you can become a sperm donor. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ I was hoping that the clinical psychologist would be a female, this would be an ultimate test of the knowledge i have. She called me on the phone and started talking to me in a condescending voice like i was a little beby boy. During this phone call i was aware that she was talking to me like this because i sent a narcisstic email to the clinic and that this was a test. But i didnt know which test it was because it can be a test for many things that i was aware of. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ So after a month or so i went to the appointment with the clinical psychologist. She called my name and i walking behind her, first thing my intuition told me is that she had this narcissistic energy about her. When i walked into the room she asked me : Are you gay? I said: No is this genetic? She said: Some are born gay and some become gay. She said: Can you take off your mask we're sitting 2 meters from each other so there is no danger from Corona. I realized she said this so she can watch my mouth and see things more clearly in behaviour. I said: It doesnt matter to me and throwed the mask on the table. She was looking at the mask with a wtf look because i throwed it. After i throwed it she says: So how did you come to the idea becoming sperm donor? In a very condescending voice like i was a little beby boy. I was 26 at that time and she was 51. The only option i had from all the options on female psychology/biology is to stand up for myself and pass the assertiveness test, i started telling the story in a very heavy manly pitch with non squinting eyes to the point that she had to look down like she submits. I instantly stopped , she lifts her head up high and looks down on me (Then suddenly a random picture in my thoughts got sent to me out of nowhere the picture showed me a person in virtual reality that had exact her personality, it showed me by this what actions i should undertake to pass this interview against this person) and then left its back to the normal position and asks: What are your educations? (I said: Nurse . I said this to show her empathy and to let her know that i was probably an empath and also because this was my first education but i quit it during first year.) She looked surprised and shocked from my answer. ___________________________________________________________________________________________ So basically she was asking me all sorts of questions and doing tests, i was aware of every test and question and why she was asking them. I could pass everything easily, during this interview i felt that her consciousness wasnt on a very high level but that it was high and that i didnt meet anyone like her before. Because i was aware of everything she was doing to me and what purpose these tests/questions had. So i decided to take it a step further and apply my knowledge on her and see the results. I was answering all her questions and tests specifically that will make me look good to her subconscious. I noticed that during this interview it felt like i was being lead by higher power or maybe i was in a state of superconsciousness, the higher power was aware that i had this knowledge so it told me exactly what to do. ( it was also sending me pictures randomly to what to do) For example: It showed me a picture of the most beautifull girl that i have ever seen in real life, she was smiling at me without breaking eye contact and saying anything. What i got from this picture was: I have to smile to her without breaking contact until she smiles back. Then i looked into her aroused red lips when she smiled back like i really wanted her really badly making her feel good etc. So to make it short: I was in a state of superconsciouss and was definitally getting helped by something during this interview. At the end of the conversation i was doing short giggles to show her that there is more to this life because i could sense that i passed this easily and i could also see that she was hypnotised. When she said her finale sentence because the time was up, i stand up very fast consciously. (I did this because i knew if i would stand really fast she would experience a breaking connection miracle where she would feel that we disconnect/ her soul is coming back) I don't know how to describe this. So i stand up really fast specifically for this purpose and walk towards the door, my thoughts randomly tell me : She will experience this too look back. I look back and i see that she is staring into nothingness like she was hypnotised the suddenly she lets out a moan of pleasure (because her soul came back/disconnection was felt. She walks towards me and stands really close to me, when she walked into my space for the first time in my life i could feel an energetic field around a human body. It was like 8 inches from her body , it felt like very strong loving heat energy . It felt so strong to me that i felt like i was being burned by love and warmth, i got overwhelmed and was in total bliss. I was also seeing the world in Full HD felt like this was the worlds full color spectrum that looked like Golden Light all the dull colors were much lighter ___________________________________________________________________________________________ 3-4 weeks later i got called and they told me i was accepted as a Sperm Donor. Months after this incident i started awakening and many more miracles happend: Like going out of body 4 times, or seeing the future during conscious dream. In the dream for example they showed me a map of Ukraine and Russia on this map the east side of Ukraine was red they showed me that Russia is going through Ukranian border thats why it is red colored. After this i wake up and my thoughts told me that it was going to happen. I went to work and 6 hours later and i see breaking news Russia is invading Ukraine. So because i reached a new state of consciousness, i realized what the real purpose of life is ; The real purpose of life is: It doesnt matter just be yourself and develop your consciousness. We are here just for fun learning things and playing the game and developing our consciousness since we are god ourselves being split into different ego's/souls. So we are basically mini gods you can call god our Father. Abilities that i gained: -Going out of body if i really put my intent into it. ( it doesnt really matter anymore, i had this experience and know how it feels like there is no purpose of this) -Seeing future events , i only had this one time after awakening and it also doesnt really matter. By showing me this future event the lesson was: There is more to this life/develop your consciousness - Seeing/feeling how developed someones consciousness is in real life is a major one and how to respond to them to fit their level of consciousness. -Materializing holographic picture in total white color: to clarify - If i look at the picture of the clinical psychologist and after that i look at the wall of my room it materializes on the wall the same as she is on the picture and then it starts floating on the wall to the sides. Lesson for me from this: There is more to this life/develop your consciousness In 2 months i also have my first ayahuasca/psychedelic trip i wonder how all this will apply to what i will see! ___________________________________________________________________________________________ if you took your time to read through all of this, thank you and know that there is more to this life!

Existence is only serious for the separate self illusion. Which is, as the name says, an illusion. It is not real. Just appearing, for a limited time. But for the separate self, it is very very serious, deadly serious, and very brutal. At least from time to time. And 100% deadly for it in the end. Since the separate self is NOT permanent. Only Absolute Reality is permanent, or timeless. Always here. That is why a good indicator for real/true/no illusion/not imagined/not arising You/Absolute Reality/God/Absolute is: Is it always right here, can not not be there? What Hawal calls Nothingness, so that no concept gets put onto the Absolute Reality. But "a" Nothingness with the potential for sentience, and the potential to imagine anything. Even a separate self that still thinks it is the Absolute/God. >God doesn't "enjoy" pain. You are God.. Do you enjoy it? Definitely not. Absolute Reality neither enjoys it, nor does not enjoy it. It manifests/imagines it, and is aware of its own arisings within it. All reactions towards suffering are only arisings in the Infinite Reality. Enjoying itself is already an arising WITHIN the Absolute Reality. How about replacing the word God more often with Infinite Reality or Absolute? That is a bit safer, in order to not elevate separate self identities to God-Level? They arise in God/Reality, but the separate self for sure is not God or Absolute Reality. It is an imagination of God/Reality, arising in it. Personally, I don't tend to use the word God for Absolute Reality often, because it is so easy to elevate something to God level that is not IT. But I can use it with full conviction for the Absolute, but only if I am sure no subtle separate self arisings/concepts get mixed up with it. And that is tricky, tricky business.... To put it more precisly with more humor: "Ignorance is a bad idea only from the vantage-point of ignorance.", Francis Lucille And if you still suffer (not bodily, but psychological suffering), and the suffering is not just an arising in You, moving trough You, just a small part of You, not really gripping/bothering You, then you are not in stable resting in your True Nature. And that is why "Ignorance is a bad idea only from the vantage-point of ignorance." ( : Selling Water by the River PS: And for the purpose: It is not fun eating alone... Or playing chess against yourself while not forgetting one player. ( :

You (capital Y) are the whole Infinite Reality (imagined body, imagined appearances, imagined everything n+1). With nothing outside of it, because that would be an imagined arising too. Any boundary separiting IT from an imagined other IT would be an imagined arising, an appearing phenomenon. Infinite. Try to imagine everything gone, including thinking: NOTHINGNESS. Not big, not small, just NOTHINGNESS. A vast infinite Nothingness, that is not even vast, because there is no 3D-space or anything (no objects/arisings). Similiar to Deep Sleep. YOU are still there. YOU awake every morning after having been there. You already know that you can be totally something/somebody else in dreams, and have totally forgotten all the past you imagine right now to be your "real" human self. But IT is not Nothingness like nothing there at all, but Nothingness with the POTENTIAL for sentience as soon as anything is imagined, and with Infinite Potential to imagine ANYTHING within it, n+1. Imagine a water pistol pops up in this Nothingness (see example Massaro, Conversations with a Skepctic): Then you have a) an imagined appearance (water pistol) and b) "something" perceiving it, the subject. Or just the perceptions of the water pistal in case no separates self is imagined/arises. Just the waterpistol perceiving itself, perceptions perceiving themselves. Impersonal. Then you have a "world", and subject/object. So what are you then? a) The Infinite Field with anything that can possibly be imagined? Yes. Nondual/Totality/Oneness. The manifest/imagined side of Infinite Consciousness. Always changing, never stable, since no appearance/form lasts. NONE. But there is a constant: b) But even more so, you are that Nothingness that can be unaware of itself, Infinite Consciousness initially unaware of itself, but with the potential for sentience if something arises. The unmanifest side of Infinite Consciousness. The unchanging, Unborn and constant core of the True You/Reality itself. So empty that IT is the Abyss, Impersonal. NOTHINGNESS. But also Infinite Potential, since IT can imagine anything. and "Both"a) and b) is indivisible, nondual. Totally the same essence, ONE Reality. The Nothingness or the True You is already the essence/"substance" of every imagined arisings/phenomenon, including the water pistol, or all separate self arisings (they are all appearances within you). a nice book about that is Szyper, "Infinite Consciousness" And that is why with the Big Awakening/Big Enlightenment, you realize yourself to already be (and ever have been, ever will be) both totally Nothingness (no separate self arisings not transcended or spotted fast enough) and everything manifested/appearing. Its all One Infinite Reality, imagined in Infinite Consciousness/Mind, hovering empty appearances, hovering in You/Reality, perceptions perceiving themselves. What falls away (or are understood) are just the ignorant separate self arisings, that make you feel and think you are not the Infinite Totality, but this small body "moving" in it. You become Nothing(-ness), but also Everything. No longer a separate body-mind in a larger "universe", but all of that happening in You. To fully get it, you need many small awakenings/Kenshos/Enligthenments (becoming gradually the empty infinite mere imagined appearances/nondual field), and a big awakening (Great Enlightenment, Basis Enlightenment, Great Satori) after you have become the whole infinite empty field, when you wonder who/what PERCEIVES that field. The One Hand clapping. That is when the last subtle layers of the separate self are suddenly seen through. Sudden Awakening. Its gradual until then, and sudden and unmistakenly with the last shift. Up to that shift, there are stages and higher awakenings. But the bug stops here. That is also why you never know with the smaller Awakenings (1) what the end of the ladder is.... and (2) you still suffer. And of course you can go exploring afterwards, but you already understand what You are and what Reality is when doing that. And how you fooled yourself before, with many different layers (imagined separate self, imagined past, imagined future, imagined anything n+1). The Real You is quite smart to fool itself in such a way.... ( : Tricky thing with the last shift is: This last shift needs a fully empty or transended separate self, including very subtle layers of feeling/thinking... And that needs.... a lot of time in these nondual and empty states to get rid of any untranscended separate self arising. And these last separate self elements can be very tricky & subtle, needing familiarity with them to spot them, and a very fast speed of spotting and transcending/cutting them off in real time. And: You can't force it here with the usual meditation techniques (that came before this stage) of directing attention. Because who/what is doing the meditation? The separate self.... It has to be automized, so that the meditation does itself. No artificial activity of a separate self. Non-Meditation Yoga in the Mahamudra-System. Or alternatively, but not so efficient: "Bang your head against the wall" for several years with a Koan. That also works, but more brute-force-style and doesn't feel so nice... Or you win the genetic lottery, jump all of that, find yourself to be the Great Unborn... and have no clue how to get there since you jumped the journey. Ramana-style. The author of these lines wasn't lucky enough to win this lottery. But hey, the point of the ride is ride. Bon voyage! ( : "We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all." Kalu Rinpoche Selling Water by the River

I keep asking myself why I am doing anything at all, and it always seems to come down to trying to avoid or fill the emptiness within myself. I also asked myself what that emptiness really is and why nothing can actually fill it. I had the thought that the emptiness is always there because it is showing me my ultimate destiny, which is death. No matter what is achieved in life, it will always ultimately end in the same way. There is no avoiding it, and maybe the mind somehow knows it. But yet, the emptiness is precisely what is fueling all of my actions. The emptiness is literally the reason why I do anything at all. The trying to fill the existential dread of eventual non-existence is what motivates everything, even though everything is completely pointless. From what I have read and heard, everything really is nothingness, and reality an expression of nothingness. Enlightenment happens on death of me, the realization of the absolute is the realization of nothingness. Is it a coincidence that the expression of reality is fueled by the seemingly same thing as the expression of my actions? I do everything to avoid nothingness, and reality really exists precisely because of nothingness, because of the ultimate limitlessness of itself. So reality, by coming into existence, must fracture itself into expressions or consciousness, it is in some way avoiding nothingness, or trying to fill it with absolutely everything. I also remember that the ultimate goal of buddhism is nirvana, the absence of everything, meaning nothingness itself. The absence of everything means the ultimate absence of suffering. Does that mean that the expression of nothingness, which is everything, is in itself suffering? The avoiding of nothingness seems to be suffering, so doing anything at all is ultimately always suffering. Is that why nirvana is desirable, or not necessarily desirably, but naturally the end product of reality? It's like nothingness is expressing itself and pulling the expression back into itself. All expression eventually dissolves, but the expression exists precisely because it is nothingness expressing itself, so meaning nothingness running way from itself. Because of that it seems to me like existence itself is necessarily suffering, it is almost as if that's the very "point" of existence. Might that also be why evolution is leading us directly to the acceptance of nothingness? To realizing nothingness into all of existence and see no difference in life and death, in expression and nothingness. If the expression of anything is suffering, the point of expression is to eventually become nothingness. I know from a non-dual perspective the expression and nothingness are the same thing, but it still seems like a fundamental force from the perspective of the human mind. Suffering is like nothingness pulling something back into itself, and something clinging to itself. In other words, suffering is not just the inability to let go, it is metaphysically the object or expression resisting the dissolving into non-existence. That is what suffering is, it is not painful, it isn't bad, it just is what it is, and it is expressed within consciousness. This would be so interesting, because letting go of ego would not just be something happening in the mind, it would be something happening in reality itself. Then again, there is really seems to be no difference, because they both are the same thing. Most importantly, this would mean that creativity is a product of nothingness, and literally equal to suffering itself. The act of creation, or the act of nothingness expressing itself, is equal to suffering, because creation is fundamentally running away from nothingness. The fuel for human desire, for human intelligence, and basically for all of reality would then be nothingness. Suffering is not at all bad, it is just what happens. I think I'm not even using the conventional word of suffering anymore, because it is not just resistance, it is the fragmentation, the discrimination itself. That is why nirvana is the ultimate goal, it is not just the cessation of resistance, but the cessation of expression itself. The cessation of absolutely everything. It is not even really a goal, it is just what is happening. Everything is pointing towards nothingness because everything is nothingness and eventually folds back into itself. It's like god exploding while it is absorbing itself. Does any of this make any sense?

This doesn't seem like a good distinction. In a state of nothingness/cessation/turiya/pure consciousness, you are infinite and whole simultaneously. Infinity can maintain the exact same qualia and not change at all, yet still be infinite. Infinity is total, until an ego comes along and tries to separate it, as you are doing.

Hi Lilia, yes, there can be pain, but no psychological suffering stacked on top, and the pain itself much more removed with less focus, flowing through oneself like a distant wave. What I wanted to say in my post (suffering and mainting Realization sobre/without psychedelics) was that without full stable Realization of ones True Nature and being able to keep that stable in everyday life (Postsamadhi), the cycle of suffering of the separate self continues. Without Realization of ones True Nature, one can have wonderful trips of Awakening with psychedelics, or just normal blissful experiences. But it never lasts. The merry-go-round of being content/satisfied and then no longer content/satisfied (suffering in the Buddhist sense of Dukha means not literally suffering, but something mroe like unsatisfactoryness (everything being unsatisfactory in the end, which then also causes suffering) continues. It is (in my observation) a necessary building block of any Lila, because without it the separate self arising would at some point no longer find "projects", and just "fizzles" out at some point. And: When I became able to rest in my True Nature (cutting off and/or just watching the separate-self arisings (thoughts/feelings) "Trekchö-style" emerging also at high frequencies, the visual field became limitless/infinite/nondual/mere appearance/imagined style/empty/groundless), and most of the separate self arisings were seen flowing through the Reality that the Real I is, I got a flow of bliss/love flowing from and through that Source/Reality that was independend from outer circumstances. In the beginning I thought it was too good to be true, like am I fooling myself here. But it never stopped, and increased further, including the so called three special states of bliss, emptiness (groundlessness) and luminosity (shimmering mere appearance), which then also progressed further. At that time, the meditation was off-the-pillow (Postsamadhi-Meditation) since quite some time, so I got that in everyday life and not only while sitting. And from that basis of a fully nondual infinite field of empty groundless mere appearances with no center/separate anything, one can start wondering WHAT kind of empty nonlocal Awareness really watches that infinite empty field of mere appearance, and in What that really appears. And then the Big Bang can suddenly happen. But that comes normally a considerable time after the stabilization of the Nondual Field described above. Tashi Namgyal, quoted in Pointing out the Great Way, Brown: "In short, crossing over [to Enlightenment] happens at the time when every single sensory experience—appearance [visual field] and thought [any separates self or thought arising in general]—are viewed as clarity/emptiness [mere empty groundless imagined appearance] and movement/emptiness [thought/separate self arisings moving in You/Reality] with absolute certainty [meaning it is no a decission of any kind, but a self-evident observation and an understanding of Absolute certainty, an Understanding of Ultimate Reality (infinite consciousness) understanding Itself]." Or in other words: When you get it that anything there can ever be is just a imagined show happening in the True You, and the True You is so totally empty/Nothingness that it is when no appearance appears unware of itself, but with the potential for sentience if something is imagined. Or: Totally empty, Nothingness, so that IT can manifest anything and is not limited in any way, which it would be if IT/You were anything specific at all. This is a point where many teachings become imprecise, or just end there (at a not so empty Nonduality), because the author didn't progress over that Nonduality-Stage with a still lingering pretty empty awareness/witness. Whenever you here "I am this Nonduality", a questionmark is indicated. For that, see also this video (Prior to Nonduality): Concerning what you describe about pain: Yes. If there is Physical pain, it is still there, but no psychological restisting/suffering arises because of it (which is like 80% of the perceived suffering). On top, as you describe, the physical pain flows through the Reality that you are, like the wind. Much more remote, like there is pain moving in me, but I am not that pain. It doesn't "grip" anymore. Bon voyage Water by the River

I'll start: What is GOD? What am I? What is Reality? What is Truth? What is Consciousness? What is Love? What is Infinity? What is Absolute? What is Life? What is ego? What is survival? What is blue? What is beingness or isness? What is existence? What is duality? What is oneness? What is a question? What is an answer? What is a paradox? What is creativity? What is intelligence? What is nothingness? What is everything? What is the All? What is irreducible? How to live the good life? How to be happy? What is the funniest joke in existence? What is silence? What is the purpouse/meaning of Reality? What is it all about?

@Jo-Niet as you said - if you are ready, the videos can be so powerful that they are the final nail in the coffin. Congrats. But there are more facets to awakening then Aloneness or Oneness. There is the realization of No Self, of Infinity, of Nothingness, to name a few. More to go.

All Spiritual Teachings are relative, as thus they are bound by logic, and thus they are merely pointers. For example people can get stuck on the nothingness, and the meaninglessness as a result and presume that means there is no meaning. This is not the case, it is BOTH meaningless and meaningful. You see to construct anything, create anything, meaning MUST exist, that is literally what it means to create to construct! Meaning IS creation. Now the purpose of deconstructing or destruction is to remove the meaning. So the teachings reveal to you the lack of meaning to reveal the impermanence of reality. Life is meaning, Death is the absence of meaning. Once you realize that meaning and lack of meaning are ONE then you realize you are eternal. DO NOT GET STUCK on either facet, you must embrace both or you will get stuck. Many people get stuck out of fear, not realizing that awakenings never end, it's infinite!! You have no clue how much more aware you can become unless you actually pursue it!! Remember it's all relative!!

Hi , my native language is not English so I apologize before getting started on what I experienced.... I've tripped 100+ trips or more by now most of them were under 4g But I decided to try a huge dose like 15g potent albino a+ mushrooms lemon Tekked ... The thing I saw and experienced was very much hellish like ...lemme explain what it was , at first I felt I was hit by a train or being shot into space by a catapult or smt ... Anyways the trip started with a heavy body load the I that I thought I am started to become multiple people, I heard some voice insulting me ... Than I saw myself in a cosmic sex reaching orgasms which will never end ..things became more and more aggressive , people in the orgy started to hurt one another ripping the others body eating them , I heard a dog bark outside , some man ate the dog , bite it's head off , I heard people getting tortured , beheaded , burnt to death , crucified etc ... , I felt that time stretched , it was infinity hell infinity , I had sex with my mother wtf I fucked my both sisters , tortured my family, I was in my dad's body , after I was done with them I killed them eating their flash and organs ... I smelt shit and blood everywhere like I was an out of control animal , I yelled , laughed like a Maniac. It was pure evil laugher... I felt it ! I didn't resist the urges and it became my downfall , after gaining some sense back realizing wtf I've done, I have seen the severed body parts of my family , I tasted human flesh in my teeth, but I wasn't a human anymore and mostly didn't care but when I remembered , I felt extreme guilt , the world was destroyed because of what I've done , I had insanity loops ... Trapped for eternity , I had no memory of taking any drug ... Being dark and evil was delicious... At the end of the trip I yelled screamed about what I've done I yelled god please stop it , this is hell this is what I done to myself ... After like it seemed an eternity of hellish loops ... I felt a warm loving forgiving energy , and I pissed myself twice , my body was dead meat , not being able to move one muscle , I watched my family members became alive again , forgetting anything that happened to them , I saw my father as the devil's tool and after killing my I became my dad .. before that I became every human every idea no matter how dark it was ..., what a twisted fucked up thing ... I cannot describe WTF was that I had no morality whatsoever , the sad part was that I'd done all of those awful things to my family I believed that I gone insane ruined my life for good , and there's no coming back I deserve hell ... I had the same experience another year on another high dose 6 g ... One thing added I heard a voice saying you humans don't learn even after being punished by your own actions . Btw lemme add this , I saw something like Fibonacci spiral thingy which memories and other light stuff was shining through it , my whole life flashed before my eyes... I felt great hunger , being alone in nothingness sad and broken for eternity.... I cried , yelled .. none stop the whole trip I wonder if Leo or others who took high doses of psychedelics experienced this or am I the only one ? Dear Leo please respond to this I don't know what's going on , what's this , I'm confused, you surely gone into insane mind loops before... please if you can explain what to do when I face these situations in my ego death experiences @Leo Gura

Nothing but nothingness

How do you know you're doing the work the right way? Well, it sucks ass. It hurts as hell. That's how. It sucks, it's painful and crazy, but it's also the best thing that could have ever happened to you. It's beyond your wildest imagination. It's rewarding beyond words. It's more than you could have ever asked for. It's ineffable. But it's also the most challenging thing you've ever done. It's so complex. So deep. All-encompassing. It demands absolute commitment. In fact, you have no other choice. You must go down this path. You chose it and it chose you. It cannot be stopped. And you cannot take a break. It's forever ongoing. It is as personal as it gets and simultaneously has nothing to do with you as a person, at all. It's all about you and not about you at all. You are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and you are doing it for yourself and for everyone else, too. You will suffer. Rocks will be thrown at you. People will spit in your face in stab you in the back. You will be hurt, betrayed and utterly devastated. You will be brought down to your knees, repeatedly. What you love will be taken away from you, with no warning. You will feel the pain of loss and failure. In your darkest hour, when you need someone the most, there will be no one around. Not a single soul. You are walking this path all alone. It is literally the highest calling. And it's not going to be a walk in a park. Nothing will hurt as much as witnessing your own death. Watching yourself holding on for dear life, terrified of letting go and forever dissolving into nothingness. You will try to save yourself. Even though it is that very same self that blinded you and kept you away from The Truth... you will want to be by its side while its dying. It is the biggest heartbreak in existence. And it is inevitable. 'Gripping to the last touch of your hand I grow to loathe...' You will be broken over and over again, until nothing but the Truth remains. Humbled over and over again. Reduced to nothing. And then elevated again. If you think you're going to avoid pain and suffering... you have no idea what you're up for. At some point, you will learn how to transform the darkness. You will master your being. The universe. Yourself. But nothing will ever be excluded. Nothing will ever seize to exist. Everything always is. Forever. It's up to you to handle and balance it all. And that is a long journey. It won't happen over night. Even after realizing the highest Truth there is, it will take a long time before you adjust and learn how to walk that Truth. How to be it, in every moment of this life. No, there is no time and no journey, and yes, time is one of your best friends and you absolutely must go through numerous processes in order to ground this realization into reality. There will be a lot of undoing. A lot of unlearning. Unpacking and dismantling. Dissolving and disintegrating. It goes both ways. And you must know how to play both sides, so to speak. You have to know how to handle both erosion and rebirth. You have to know when and how to take control and when and how to surrender. Only one of us has to do it right. And it can only be you. No one else can do it for you. You are the way.

Hello all My first post here. Been listening to Leo for a couple of years and been on this confusing but awesome journey of clawing myself out of the materialist paradigm. I have done lsd and 5 meo a handful of times and I’ve had the world melt away and been thrown into the void so it’s obvious to me that the computer I’m typing on isn’t some kind of external object with independent existence that I’m perceiving through the eyes, but that this is a dream. What’s still bugging me though is this whole POV thing. From what I’ve read others talking about on this forum I don’t seem to be alone with being confused about it. I’ve read quite a bit of people’s comments and I have picked up what kind of jargong you guys have here so first I feel like I should mention some things before I get to the actual question and example. First of all, I’m not claiming to be awake or anything. I don’t really care who’s what. I used to think I understood everything and would even look at myself as ”special” and even ”above” others, but then some brutal ego backlashes humbled me. All I care about now is understanding this for myself. Not look like I got it all figured out, but actually figure it out. Just telling me I’m playing mind games or whatever and then not explaining in what ways or why you think so doesn’t help me figuring anything out. If you’re in a position to say that you’re supposedly not in that trap yourself and should be able to give me some guidance, or maybe you just want to give the impression publicly that you have come so much further. If that’s your intention, please don’t bother to comment. Just telling me I don’t understand and then not helping me is also useless. It’s like the teacher telling the kid just starting out math class he doesn’t understand any math. Yeah, like why do you think he’s there? Also, please don’t spew some nonduality one-liner on me, I’m looking for serious feedback and not interested in hearing the same old lines every newbie loves to write under all the Rupert Spira videos. I’m also not interested in hearing about your definitions of what enlightenment is unless you’re able to talk to me about it in the context of what I’m writing below. With a lot of spiritual folks I more often than not get the feeling that I can’t even have an actual conversation without them starting to tell me about their definitions of enlightenment, or maybe just get a ”there is no you” thrown in the face without even engaging my question. If you’re not engaging what I’m actually writing and just repeating some platitude I won’t take you seriously. A lot of spirituality folks I’ve talked to always dismisses my desire to understand and tell me I should just drop it because it can’t be understood and that I should ”just be” or something similar, but I’m not content with that. Maybe it’s just you who have a weak mind so it’s easier for you to say ”it can’t be understood” because you don’t understand yourself and then confuse your own limits for what’s possible. I’ve even been told ”you’re very philosophical” in a derogatory sense, as if that’s a negative when doing this kind of work. Jeez. With that out of the way I hope I can be taken seriously here. So I have been doing a lot of different thought experiments during and after my trips and I’ve found the video game analogy to be a great visualization to create clear distinctions to understand better so I would really appreciate to get some feedback to course correct me if I’m deceiving myself. For you who play video games this might make sense. Let’s say I play some 1st person game but split screen. So I split it into two 1st persons perspective and then in each of the two perspectives we have a body from the 3rd person perspective. With this example it’s easy to see that the two bodies from 3rd person perspective don’t exist in the same world, an external world, but that they only exist as an appearance within each of the 1st person perspectives. If one of the game characters would observe his hand we wouldn’t actually have just one hand but two. The hand from the 1st person perspective isn’t even the same hand as the one that’s in front of the face of the body from the 3rd person perspective that’s part of the other 1st person perspective. There are no internal worlds because the 1st person perspectives that we usually think of as internal are not that because it’s the other way around where the bodies that we previously located the 1st person perspectives in instead themselves are in those 1st person perspectives. The 1st person perspectives can’t be located in anything appearing because that would basically be claiming that one 1st person perspective is located in another and that would be the typical grounding that materialists do where they locate objects inside of objects to create ”experience” as something owned by a body. If we would turn both of the 1st person perspectives around, both of the bodies from the 3rd person perspective would now have disappeared but none of the 1st person perspectives would have disappeared as they were never located in those bodies. So when I’m interacting with another body I understand that there is no 1st person perspective located in that body or owned by it, there is no difference between that body or a rock or whatever, both are appearances within this 1st person perspective, but I still think of it as if there is another 1st person perspective where what I usually call myself in daily normal self-referencing, my body from the 3rd person perspective, is an appearance. Alright, so here’s my confusion about solipsism. In this analogy there are not two subjects, the bodies are not what’s experiencing or owning any of the perspectives, nothing is being perceived through the eyes or being calculated or created by any brain. Neither is existing in an external world and neither is having any inner experiences. It’s all direct appearance without inside or outside. The whole story of sense organs and biology and external independent world and so forth are something that’s being imagined and then projected as an overlay on the one-layered appearance to create a sense of a separate reality with multiple subjects. There would not be two separate positions either. If we go further than the screen analogy and imagine we would remove the dividing line between the two 1st person perspectives and merge them so that they are superimposed on each other and then do that with every possible perspective, then all perspectives are located at the same point that itself has no location. A pointless point lol..where everything emerges out of, which is what I think people mean when they talk about the Godhead. Basically that nothingness that sits where I previously imagined and believed my head was. So there is no one looking out of any head, only the Godhead that’s not located anywhere that is looking. My body from the 3rd person perspective, that’s only an appearance within the other 1st person perspective and with no existence outside of it, is also something I’m looking at as the Godhead. I could see how someone might call this solipsism but my understanding of what’s usually meant by that word would in this screen analogy be equal to if we simply removed one of the two 1st person perspectives on the screen and now only displayed one and that’s it. That’s all of it. Which means that when I’m communicating with another body there is no other perspective with an appearance of me as a body from the 3rd perspective talking. Sounds like a pretty small infinity to me if all there is would be only this one perspective being imagined by the Godhead. Also, when someone says ”there is only you” or ”you’re only talking to yourself” it can mean drastically different things depending of what ”you” and ”yourself” is referring to. If you said that to a materialist who believes he is a body that’s walking around in an independent external world and using his brain to construct an internal image of that world, that would make no sense to him. Some of these things can be very confusing depending on where you’re coming at it from. I don’t see how one subject has to mean only one perspective. I mean, in the materialist model we have many subjects but one world. So if you’re coming from that paradigm with thinking it’s only one world and then you hear something like ”there is only one subject”, i.e. you, and you erase all the other subjects you previously imagined to exist under the materialist paradigm, but then still hold the idea of only one world subconsciously, I can see that it’s easy to then draw the conclusion that the forms that are present for you now is all there is. But if you drop the ”one world” idea then one subject doesn’t have to mean one appearance. Am I on the right track with this line of thinking? Anyhow, I’ve been wrecking my mind incessantly over this the last few month and people are saying different things regarding this and I guess this will be no different but would appreciate some feedback about all this from someone with some real experience and hope we can talk about it within the framework of the analogy. If I’m fooling myself I wanna know. That doesn’t mean I will buy anything you say though. Thanks!

This is kind of a new insight I’ve had.

In meditation, should one focus on a pleasant feeling that arises such as joy (1st Jhana), our ‘inner body’, or the breath? ? I was just reading about the 8 jhanas and am amazed (why isn’t this discussed more in this forum or by Leo or the ascended masters?). Even the first jhana seems ‘heavenly’ to me. It says to focus on and stay on a pleasant feeling that arises such as joy or a smile. When I did it today in my meditation it didn’t feel natural so I went to the emptiness feeling I was feeling behind and stayed there. Although let me tell you one of my practices right now is cultivating more joy in my lyfe so I would love for this to work. Or should we focus on the breath, or is the breath just a tool to calm the body and mind enough to be able to feel into the body and feel the inner body (emptiness) inside (<is this the goal of everything, to feel what we are as often as possible, the vast emptiness, to become identified w/this our true self instead of being identified w/ the thinking mind/illusury self>?), as eckhart Tolle says? Sometimes when I go about it like this I feel my meditation is more dynamic, in that instead of a just pure concentration practice of the breath, I start w/ breath then can feel into inner body, so it’s a bit dynamic. And p.s I usually don’t feel called to stay on the feeling of emptiness for to long where I can usually go for a longer period of time if I was focusing on the breath. Been feeling a lot of space lately, so not so called to be meditating as much lately just btw. Again please let me know if focusing on pleasant sensation during meditation is good because I would love to cultivate more of these feelings into my daily life or better to focus on emptiness or breath. P.s3. doesn’t focussing on the emptiness ‘theoretically’ ‘jump’ ‘us’ to the 7th jhana of ‘nothingness’? Thanks! ?

Emptiness and the 7th Jhana type nothingness are typically pointing to different things in Buddhism. Emptiness is that that things lack inherent existence. This ties in quite strongly with dependent origination as well. Nothingness is closer to tuning into more fine and subtle sensations or rather tuning all sensations to reveal more subtle aspects of experience than what is found in boundless space and boundless consciousness (5th & 6th jhana). Meditating on the breath and jhana are part of the same meditation process that the Buddha taught. I’ve even heard from a monk of some decades that this is the only meditation the Buddha is recorded to have taught in its fullness. It begins with the breath, then moves to gladdening the mind and other steps which align with jhana, then moves into investigation of characteristics found on the insight axis of mediation such as impermanence. Although not explicitly stated in the 16 steps, knowledge of the emptiness of phenomena will naturally come from Ānāpānasati (fancy old Pāli word for mindfulness of breathing) done thoroughly enough. One of the beautiful things about the Buddhist system of meditation and interpreting awakening is that the whole system and its parts are nicely interwoven with essentially all of the other parts. There is not one right technique or best technique. The technique which you use, find great results from, and enjoy is the “proper” technique. Some do suggest that sticking with one technique is important while others support the method of hitting this process from tons of different angles. Different strokes for different folks I suppose. All the way from the 16 steps of Ānāpānasati, to the 5 strengths, the precepts, the noble eightfold path, the four noble truths, etc. support each other in an elegant way. And more recent forms of Buddhism illuminate plenty of other relevant aspects of the path connecting back to the original teachings in their own ways. Buddhism has the express goal of finding for oneself the path to end suffering. Jhana and increasing sukha (happiness/satisfaction) are incredibly integral parts of this. The author and great teacher Rob Burbea suggested that one should have at least as much jhana/samadhi meditation as insight meditation if not a ratio even further geared toward jhana. True 1st jhana is absolutely nothing to scoff at. It is heavenly and psychedelic-tier bliss done with your own mind. Having that skill is immensely valuable. Anyway, I kind of got on a rant there lol. Hope this helps.

How Quantum Physics, String Theory and science overall correspond with GOD-CONSCIOUSNESS-NOTHINGNESS-ILLUSIOARY REALITY-ABSOLUTE INFINITY-ONENESS-POTENTIALandACTUAL-INFINITE DIMENSIONS etc

AWAKE does not require alien consciousness. AWAKE requires that you become conscious of how you imagine the entire world into existence around yourself. It's very direct, very pure, very profound God-Realization. You need to get to the very root of what GOD is. Not as Emptiness or Nothingness, but as yourself imagining everything around you -- including your body, your memories, the Earth, and other people. And including all spiritual teachings and enlightenment. You have to realize that enlightenment, nonduality, Buddhism, meditation, sleep, birth, and death are all imaginary.