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About Marinus

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  • Birthday 12/13/1996

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    Belgium, Antwerp
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  1. @Colin Thx
  2. So I drank a lot of coffee sinds summer and since I stopped drinking my anxiety, depression and paranoia have all been reduced since I stopped drinking. Before I drank it I was relaxed, but when I was under it's spell. My consciousness was more limited then and I wasn't aware about my original awareness. So I wonder if there are people with similar experiences.
  3. @dude Awesome video, you got another sub
  4. @Shin Indeed I learned a lot, I can only meet someone healthier. It's officially over now.
  5. I'm going to break up, she's very disfunctional and I'm seeing this relationship will be doomed sooner or later. Thx for all your feedback!
  6. Allright I see this is ridiculous and I told her this so I made the choice not to do this. Since then she grew more comfortable with me so she doesn't care anymore about this.
  7. @alyra She is comfortable to sleep next to me I think. This is the progress from the last 3 weeks. She wanted me to sleep on the floor, I refused and was insulted and left to my place; She wanted it again, but I slept on the bean bag, but she left the lights on; I stayed in her bed with clothes on and she did too with a separate blanket, she turned of the light when I told I couldn't sleep like that; After 2 weeks she removed her bra, but she still had clothes on, I told her I noticed and she was surprised and scared, but I told her she didn't have to worry. The next thing will be 1 blanket to share, we did when we took a nap and that is a while ago, since then We didn't sleep together. The main reason to do this is trust, because she is insecure and she is afraid that I'll get bored with her after we have sex, because she thinks guys want to have more after that with different partners and that can be a reason for me to sleep on the floor, because she will see that I care about her enough to sleep uncomfortable I guess. I slept next to her once we were just friend and she didn't want to, but she appeared to be joking, but she was serious, but was scared. I found this out when we got together, I was shocked. So for some reason she is afraid that I'll rape her or something and maybe sleeping on the floor will prove her otherwise.
  8. haha I'll say this when the time comes. @egoeimai After thinking about I realized this will be a great opportunity to observe her behavior, she might indeed try to manipulate me more, but I'll give her the illusion she can. @wavydude The problem is that I told her I'll do it and I don't want to lie to myself. I'm in love now which is keeping me from making the right choices, but after a while it will fade and I'll see what happens next, but if it fades and things stay weird like this then I'll move on, simply because I won't be able to survive something.
  9. @blazed 1. I don't think she has much experience, since she only had one boyfriend and he went through some trouble too. She even made the comment once with a message that if ahe had a boyfriend that it doesn't mean she had sex. 2. The second is possible, because I told her I thought it was sexy that she has more experience 🙈, I assumed it, it was before she made that comment. 3. And the third, maybe. She doesn't want me to touch her skin beneath her clothes, like her back and belly. @Lynnel it is a one time thing, I hope it will be something kind of test and she tells me it is fine and I can lay beside her. The thing is that I do sleep next to her in bed, but for some reason this has a valid reason and I think it's related to trusting. Unfortunately I agreed and I want to live up to something I say, so I'll do this and I'll report the experience. @Elisabeth She really likes me to sleep over and even in the same bed, so it has another reason. She also told me she was happy again to have a boyfriend and I asked what do you like about it? And ahe said everything. She is also getting kind of addicted to my attention. We did things like dry humping and she loves the things I do to her. I even noticed that she didn't wear underwear the last two days and I commented on it.
  10. @Annetta unfortunately this is something I suspect and it hurts to think about it. I think you're right.
  11. So since 3 weeks I have a girlfriend, the first time I stayed over she wanted me to sleep on the floor, but I was insulted and left. The second time I stayed over she wanted it again, but I slept on a bean bag. Since then I slept next to her with my clothes on, because she wants to. She always makes a joke before we go to sleep, which is "you are going to attack me" which means that I'm going to fo sexual things to her in her sleep. Of course I wouldn't, after a while noticed that it isn't really a joke but a fear she has. She gets intimidated by my confidence sometimes, while she knows I'm scared and a virgin. So she brought the topic about sleeping on the floor up again amd I thought maybe this will great trust, though I am not looking forward at all. I asked her if it was something positive to do and she got all exited and happy about it. The problem is that she is very mysterious and doesn't react to questions I want answers to. For example I wanted to know if she had sex before or not, while knowing I had not which she is very glad with. For some reason she doesn't want to tell me. She also fears that I will leave her once I get bored with her. According to her I often don't get it, which is because I lack experience with girls. So I agreed to sleep on the floor wich sounds like a stupid idea and very uncomfortable. By the way it's a one time thing. So are there any people here that can help me to understand this? The good thing is that she really enjoys my company.
  12. @Nahm That can be the case, my thinking is clouded by questions, meanly about a girl that is apparently very disfunctional. My meditation quality has also been very low since having acne and sometimes being alive feels like a prison.
  13. I'll apply this when I'm going to study my college books.
  14. ''Fear tells you what your weakness is''
  15. 17-12-2017 => Week 49-50 The last 2 weeks went very different then usual. I discovered that I like to go out, but that I feel shallow and empty while doing this, which in my case gets me out of my head. This isn't a solution, but rather a form of relaxations. The last 2 weeks made me more aware about my need for companionship and my tunnel vision within this domain. Last week I become 21 years old and this started out bad, because I missed 4 hours of school and my sleep routine was messed up. My morning routine is still my center and despite going of track with self-actualization, this made me more aware of my neurotic behavior. I want to adopt new strategies for my self, but at the moment college is my main focus (after my morning routine), because the exams are around the corner and I want this to succeed, in the meantime I'll think about new strategies, goals, visions and habits. My previous blog layout looks fancy, but it isn't helping much any longer, so here I'll apply a new strategy as well.