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Intro #7: I’d like to continue this, I’d like to continue my stance on openness. There are just wavelengths of the heart that I am only just beginning to learn about which are throwing me out a little bit I now know that sometimes I have to get my footing on the steering wheel, seek to understand what is happening internally. It makes me nervous, the ease by which my heart can sway one way and then another in the context of this learning it’s undergoing. As I have mentioned, very seriously, the heart has it’s own decision making process. The heart is the domain of what is referred to or the encompassment of, more the latter actually, the “inner child”, which I have always thought of as an oversimplification, never really understood, though can now breath some oxygen into its life space to bring fluid context to what I believe to be an otherwise rigid belief system bound and interconnecting with a larger set of rigid ideas that are not close enough to the truth. I said earlier that as it concerns the truth and my work here, that I cut right down the middle of reality. While weaving my sword though with my consciousness I had no idea that other phenomenological properties of being were going to come to within me that were going to interrupt my focus and gaze. My wisdom here is that I need to both focus outwardly and inwardly simultaneously. Take more seriously the fact that I am engaging my consciousness in a way that I never had before, that I am purposefully attempting to turn on aspects of myself that I’ve never tried to. I have to expect the unexpected while staying as close as possible to the truth as much as possible while undergoing this process. There’s is no one else that exists in this work other than myself. A solipsistic gaze from a self referential perspective, where in every moment my consciousness feeds me new information, it goes back into the depths and light of my heart, back out my mind and tongue in the form of wisdom. This is after-all outside of finding the truth here wha this project is all about, the discovery of the wisdom of the heart, to always be at the seat of the wisdom of the heart. This is, that truth work. Session: I feel a new plane surfacing in my consciousness, more and more I can feel the depths beneath the words and energy of others and the surface above them the more I see through my own and connect in this alignment between the two hemispheres within. That’s now I now view them by the way. I see the brain as one hemisphere and the heart as the other hemisphere and what I am building in this work is the corpus collossum between them. Underneath the anger of others and my own, I see Rumi and analogous waiting to be unearthed by me. I see the sun shining through the clouds to continue placing me on an upwards trajectory towards a greater light beyond the false architectures that I would otherwise be bound by, that I am forced to have empathy towards others concerning. I have to be prepared to cut vines with others along this path while creating new kinds of vines as I move forward in this journey. Vines that connect us spiritually in ways that is invisible to the projective interface that binds us to our present limitations. So to everyone here, know that there are definite changes that are going to be made now. And no more anger just transformation. That to those who know I love them, changes are occurring this much is definite, that even though this love will remain, I am forced to go by the unity within first and only and to that level, as it has always been. In this sense, to truth of that love first and only as a consequence of that growth. Unity. To everything else, inconsequential to the truest path that must be followed as a consequence of living a life at all. This is, going to be one of the most difficult journeys of my life. As it is the only journey in my life. To live a life solely by the heart or by just what I am building here, is the greatest gift I could ever be given and it is the greatest gift I could slowly give to others the more along this path I go. To truth. To love. To unity of those. Through wisdom (both grown and learned) Holding the steering wheel of this ship… Exit of this Session: To the blackness of the night, usurped by the wondrous sphere of dimension Light enters through the void unspoken by the human spirit Slit veins of memories burst into panoramic visions of the future The safety of connection by the lion The strongest stare, the lightest butterfly touch The swiftest falcon eagle turn, Owls make my life so wise May dragons continue to gaze, outwardly and inwardly through the maze Separated by the incontrovertible proof Of the unity as it takes me through the next roof Of awareness Down the ocean and it’s next waterfall To swim the lagoon with the warmth of love Blackened scars healed, moonshine revealed Wolf howls of truth Unity of wisdom, wisdom of unity Trials and tribulations There is no other echo pushing me forward now For now, the truth of this path is love

@Fernanda Im not saying an insightful experience might not be transformational aswell in its own way. His vision of possiblity will expand and that itself can do alot of healing and clearing out. Im not into the permanent shift yet. Because that would mean real liberation. But, you can experience it surely through a good dose of lsd (or other psychedelic) and listening to what leo said. I experienced it mildly once with weed. The transformation it does is that you become God. Literally. You always were, but now without doubt. You were God doubting God. After ego death, what remains is simply Absolute God, always, forever. You go from little me to Infinite Me. Which is a drastic ridiculous shift in experience. Your whole body, aura, energy and mind will change. If I were into such permanent shift, it would take me at least 6 months or more to even consider coming here to talk to my self. In a practical sense, you will have access to the highest possiblity of experience. Meaning heaven. You literally see everything divided and united at the same time. I guess this is where Leo's video division vs unity come from, which I have not seen. Such Truth itself wont give you any practical utility as you ask. It will just enhance your understanding of reality and with that, you might develop the capacity for doing miracles later if you go into that. But this realization comes with enligthenment, which does make you unstoppable. Self realization will give you clarity, freedom, space and energy. You will be untouched to really live and create what you wish. True power. But, those are just meaningless words. You have to experience it for yourself. And even then, only after the permanent shift will you really know and experiment with such discoveries. I can't describe to you how amazing it feels to experience life from that position. It feels like watching a movie in max resolution in a VIP seat. With no effort you join an existential dance with yourself. You see reality from a micro point of view to a macro. In the past it felt like a macro-micro. Its really a micro-macro where theres really no micro and macro. Do you wanna feel like you are seriously in a dream video game? Thats how it feels. You also feel like you are floating in the center of the universe. And might even see entities all over. Oh and the best part, absolute silence. Its not really a scary experience. Whats scary is when you think you might not go back and are not used to it. Do you fear being alone forever? In such state there is no fear and no loneliness. Its only you with you, everywhere with everything in everyone (oneness). Loneliness is an illusion (belief) of ego. And even then you can still be with "someone" after finding your wholeness. Welcome to the kingdom of GOD

Nice. I would say this was a huge intellectual awakening or insight. If this was your total permanent actual direct experience, trust me you wouldn't be here and you would be completely transformed. I can tell by the way you write, the transformation has not occured fully yet. Your aura would be felt even in text. Its a good preparation for the permanent shift.

Well it depends on how you look at it. Yes the feeling is temporary, but it shows you exactly what is in the way for you to feel this "permanently". I like to see the whole psychedelic trip as a dance. Its not a "one-way" thing, as where you just lay back and receive 100% from the psychedelic. Sure that would be the case for someone who is new to this. But after a while, or even from the beginning, you can get an "understanding" how to work with them. It’s a dance between you and the substance/medicine. You gain permanent changes when you contribute with your 50% and the psychedelic give you the spark or understanding you need to see what you want to remember about yourself (the other 50%) Both during and after the trip. Its also about learning when to lead the dance and when to be led. It’s not at all about control or wanting the trip to go the way you want it to go. That is not how it works. We are Pure Potential. Potential to go further in to sleep and believe our programmings, routines, doubts, fears, anxieties and the issues we feel we have. (But that is just something the identity is stuck to/holding on to.) Or Pure Potential to become the heroes we want to become in our stories, and break free from what we fear and staying in the status quo. If we keep taking psychedelics, surely at some point we would start to understand how this whole thing works, no? I think people who are stuck in the mindset that: "Oh no, if it disappears then it wasn't real" are not really getting the whole picture right. (Not saying that you are like this, just mentioning it) The psychedelic states are a window of time where we see what we truly are (Pure Potential). And if we don't choose to act on the thing we see in the trip. Then it will die out in the water and we won't gain much from it. Then we have to keep going in and remind ourselves more and more, over and over again. Till we get it. We have to CHOOSE to act on what we have been shown. Otherwise it will be lost and not utilized. Yes, precisely so. Its always a choice, but unfortunately or fortunately, depends on how you see it. You have to be willing to let that side of you "die" off, and that is not always easy. Its easy in thought. But if a programming or some thought has been hammered in deep enough, then it will be as if something has grown in to your fiber of being; of your body, flesh or skin, and by removing the side of you that you don't want; you have to be willing to cut in to the good parts of you that are tied in with that side you don't want. But by consciously feeling in to it "dying off" with awareness methods, breathing techniques or Sedona. We can just watch how that fear/pain and letting that programming/identity die off. Feel the pain, but don't be attached and identified with it. Just watch it pass by. Like how the sky/atmosphere is watching dark or light clouds passing by. Ultimately, Everything is Imaginary. That is kinda the toughest pill to swallow (IMO) and its not a one time thing, where we swallow it and it's done forever. It's just tied in with Change and Transformation (changing form, identity, patterns and programmings) Yes and when we realize that our problems were precisely imaginary and just our fear of change; we kind of feel like idiots, and blame ourselves for not being able to see this before. But it’s important not to stay stuck there, just to see it as growth and a learning process, and pick yourself up and keep going. Similarly how a kid learns to walk, it will rise up and fall many times. Hurt its knees and cry of the pain. But at some point it will click and the kid will know how its done. But I think, going through this way, we learn to Appreciate the illusion of life more. And the imaginary aspects of reality. It’s all about seeing things for what they are and making your choice and choose what you want to experience.

Lately, I’ve been feeling so pessimistic about the US ever reaching solid Green or passing any solid Green policies because ever since the dawn of the republic most Americans have always been too proud of its hyper free market system. Progressives since the mid 1900s have always failed with getting any of their policies or ideas come to fruition. I even fear that our country may never go through another major transformation like it did during Jefferson’s era, Jackson’s era, Lincoln’s era, Teddy Roosevelt’s era, Wilson’s era, FDR’s era, Eisenhower's era, JFK/LBJ’s era. Even with someone like who wasn’t able to positively reform the country nearly as much as the above-mentioned presidents we were able to, we may never have another president who was as successful as he was ever again.?

Those people are merely mirroring how you feel about yourself. They are triggering you for you. For you to see and release what's underneath. No one is intentionally disrespecting you and you probably recognize this, yet react emotionally as if it is personal. And also, are you not a people pleaser or are you trying not to be a people pleaser? That's a big difference. If you would be grounded in your own self-love and self-validation, you would never take anything personal. Because you love yourself internally. If you see yourself as a weak unlovable person, you will see signs outside yourself and subconsciously look for signs that validate that feeling you have. I had all of these issues as well, and a lot more. To finally release those issues permanently, you need to spend some years of your life immersing yourself in social interactions to trigger all those parts of yourself that you're suppressing. You need to seek out people that trigger stuff in your body. This can be any contractive emotion. Shame, fear, embarrassment, anger, pride, etc. Go into the world and move in a way that it will have you confront those emotions. Whenever you get triggered, you can welcome courage, acceptance and self-love through your body and if you do this consistently, your body is going to release naturally and remember the lighter state of feeling associated with the trigger, and you'll start to be in this state naturally after a while, but you have to seek tension as a catalyst for the emotions to come to the surface and then do this process of welcoming higher emotions in your body. Without tension, you're not going to be triggered. Meditation, journaling and psychedelics rarely trigger those emotions that underlie your interpersonal blocks. For that you need to move into the world and become exposed to tension. Because that's the nature of your issue. Interpersonal shame. Not feeling good enough in relationship to others. Not feeling included. Isolated. Unloved. lonely.... The more you open your heart, become connected to your stomach, your spine and legs, the more you will feel grounded and open. At first, your triggers will make you want to close down, but you have to gradually bring this warm energy of relaxation and love into the parts you have the vulnerability in. It's really simple: People pleaser and nice guy -> Release reactivity during interactions, have thousands of conversations where you do something egoistical. Release the shame from your body when it comes up when you push the tension by doing something selfish. People will push back on you. Now it's your job to ground any reactivity and to release what comes up. Feel unaccepted in groups -> Seek to connect to people 1-1, 2-1 and 3-1 and move towards bigger groups at sports for example and practice opening, grounding etc. This grounding, openness, lightness, confidence and self-love are the reward of an intense journey. They are things you will embody the more you get triggered and welcome higher emotions. And it will compound. Low tension first, then higher tension. The most important thing to realize is that to embody these above feelings, you need to appreciate that healing is a process of interpersonal mirroring where when you start to internally release your emotions while inside tension, your external reality starts to mirror it and confirm to yourself the process of transformation. And slowly, you start to get on board fully and permanently. You start to see that people love you, feel it, and finally accept and integrate that you are indeed lovable. Your parents didn't make you feel it. So now you have to teach it to yourself. And it's not something that can be done by journaling, meditating, etc. Yes, it all helps and is important. But you really need to step into the triggers heads-on. Through this process, you're releasing attachments and aversions in your body. Things you're not willing to feel.

Part one of my response. Now THIS is a fascinating feeling that I’d love to know all about or simply leave for your own introspection as you please. Some questions for you: What associations tie you to this fear? Are you able to distinguish between those associations and how your parents would legitimately react? I recommend sitting through a simulation within your own mind here. I can recall so many instances where I would generate associations about how not only my parents would react to a situation but how just about anyone would, my parents though possessing variability based on their own unique profile they have of me, which we don’t often think about. For me I’ve sometimes wondered not whether my parents are proud or whether they admire me but what their process is for how they actually conceive of me as an individual and how they relate to me in their minds. This I tell you is a more revelatory approach and it should be, it’s more sophisticated. It will allow you to develop new associations based on understanding how you learn they conceive of you rather than just running off programmed reactions based on reactions they’ve had to you in the past. I recall the stages of transformation I went through from childhood to adulthood regarding how I conceived of how my parents conceived of me and it’s an important but scary process sometimes. To see through our parents eyes the way they conceive of us can just easily make ourselves look down on our parents as much as we may look down on ourselves through that insight, which is why awareness through the exercise is so important. The more aware we can be in all three instances here inclusive of how we ourselves conceive of our parents. The more advanced associations we can build between us and those that exist in our social world with our parents here being no different. It is in the breakdown of associations that have no reality coherence that the fabric of our social interactions breakdown and our interactions become ruled by our projective memories rather than the stillness of the moment and our true devoted understanding of each other. We may find that our parents have a sophisticated comprehension of us which will be to our benefit anyway or what is more likely the case we will find many limitations in their own comprehension and how their own subsequent associations dominate their behaviour towards us rather than our own parental idealism that under proper scrutiny we will have to come to terms with the fact that they will never be able to meet because of the well described limitations that we get better at discerning with prudent and patient diligence. For example, to realise that my father sometimes sees me as the son that used to help him out a lot forces me to see myself through his own submissive lens which corrupts my own sense of character regarding the free agent I have become. To see myself through the eyes of my mother who sees me through the associations she formed with me most as a little boy because this is when she spent the most time with me as opposed to an adolescent means that I have to view myself through in part the infantile lens that my mother can sometimes fall victim to seeing me through because I went to live with my father post the age of 9. So for you here are some further questions: what is the best realistic positive response you can imagine your parents having and what is the worst? what associations build this reaction? In what creative and useful ways ar you able to see new perspective on those associations and change your reaction based on these new perspectives? in what ways do you notice the associations change based on this? what are other personal development areas where you have noticed your parents have a positive reaction vs a negative? Do your best to try and identify for both sides even if it’s not formal personal development for example I’m sure your parents would have encouraged you to learn to transfer from crawling to walking right? At least most of our parents got that aspect of encouragement right!

I would question my own consciousness in the matter before readily assuming being "realized." Is it really true or is it simply a belief, conviction or conclusion? You seem to conflate enlightenment with transformation. Youre also coming from value systems (shoulds and shouldn'ts) and morality, which isn't what the work is about. Be honest. That's what I'm working on and what i recommend you.

Welcome... So this thread won't be anything like my other journal (The Light) where I sorta just implode in my random thoughts and feelings in the most authentic way I know I can. Yeah, this won't be that kinda place for me. Here I'll be logically laying out my experiences and lessons I'm getting from engaging consciously with spirituality. I'll be doing a lot of reflecting and revelation-writing: talking about my awakenings and the most enlightening experiences. Also, the title of this thread is in fact inspired by the work of Shakti Gawain whose book, ‘Living in the Light - A Guide to Personal and Planetary Transformation’, I had quite recently stumbled upon and find myself really resonating with. It's really the most random and yet perfect-timing kind of thing for me to have come across that book, but I won't say too much. So, basically this thread is about the shifting of my view of reality - the way I see the world to be - so maybe just reality itself, into a world of more clarity and more power and more life. I'll be recording my shifts in consciousness, permanent or temporary, and just noting down the impacts like how it's affecting me and how it's reflecting in the way I live my life. So yeah, enjoy.

On the event horizon there will be an emergent unfolding which will be unpredictable in nature. This is a statement I remember Ken Wilber making which is actually my paraphrasing. In the Gurdjieff Teaching ( which is not his personal creation) is the law of Three. Within the enneagram exists a display of the law of three (law of creation). The product of 3 centered awareness (existence) gives rise to a fourth element ,,,, a new arising. The Law of Three Thursday, May 16, 2019 Cynthia Bourgeault, one of our core faculty members and an Episcopal priest, has helped Christianity rediscover the powerful model of the “Law of Three.” This was originally developed by the Armenian-born spiritual teacher G. I. Gurdjieff (1866–1949) who saw it comprising what he called the “Laws of World Creation and World Maintenance.” Based on Trinity as flow and movement, this “law” describes the ways in which different elements work to create change and ongoing evolution. Today I’ll share a brief introduction from Cynthia’s work, but I invite you to read her full book The Holy Trinity and the Law of Three: From a metaphysical standpoint, the Trinity is primarily about process. It encapsulates a paradigm of change and transformation based on an ancient metaphysical principle known as the Law of Three. [The basic foundational principles are:] 1-In every new arising there are three forces involved: affirming, denying, and reconciling. 2-The interweaving of the three produces a fourth in a new dimension. 3-Affirming, denying, and reconciling are not fixed points or permanent essence attributes, but can and do shift and must be discerned situationally. . . . 4-Solutions to impasses or sticking points generally come by learning how to spot and mediate third force, which is present in every situation but generally hidden. . . . Let’s consider a simple example. A seed, as Jesus said, “unless it falls into the ground and dies, remains a single seed.” [John 12:24] If this seed does fall into the ground, it enters a sacred transformative process. Seed, the first or “affirming” force, meets ground, the second or “denying” force (and at that, it has to be moist ground, water being its most critical first component). But even in this encounter, nothing will happen until sunlight, the third or “reconciling” force, enters the equation. Then among the three they generate a sprout, which is the actualization of the possibility latent in the seed—and a whole new “field” of possibility. Actually, the entire Paschal Mystery can be seen to play itself out as a fairly straightforward configuration of the Law of Three. If you assign affirming as Jesus, the human teacher of the path of love; denying as the crucifixion and the forces of hatred driving it; and reconciling as the principle of self-emptying, or kenotic love willingly engaged, then the fourth or new arising, which is inescapably revealed through this weaving, is the Kingdom of Heaven, visibly manifest in the very midst of all the human cruelty and brokenness. https://cac.org/the-law-of-three-2019-05-16/ To know means to know all. Not to know all means not to know. In order to know all, it is only necessary to know a little. But, in order to know this little, it is first necessary to know pretty much. (Gurdjieff) There is an angel within the monkey struggling to get free, and this is what the historical crisis is all about. Terence McKenna

I am interested in hearing more. I guess for me, even if the "life is a dream" paradigm may raise more questions, that doesn't mean I have to reject that paradigm as being a potential possibility. I can see that the creation is slightly different. For the dreamer god, the creation is a dream and imagined with the physical world being dreamed. For the nonduality god, there could still technically be a physical world or it too could be all in the mind. Yes I see that with non-duality, we are the Earth and it really isn't death but rather transformation of the self with the self.

Have not posted on here for a while but I have not been in the best place, feeling better today however. I notice I feel a whole lot worse living up to other people's expectations of you & doing things just to please others. I went to see my Dad over in Ireland, it was nice to talk to him but at the same time I was wasting my days just so I could go back to sleep. I found it uncomfortable being out of my ordinary routine. I am back in the UK now but slowly becoming more conscious of how I am wasting most days.... trying to learn to love & appreciate the present moment of life. My mind always wants to get somewhere instead & not enjoying the experience. I decided to read Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg & going to start small. I really want to change certain routines in my life. I am going to celebrate each habit that I do. I need to journal more so I can express myself more clearly. It feels very hard being stuck in your own thinking. Making a seperate post for the Tiny Habits transformation that I will be doing, I am only 26 & need to think more positively. Not many people my age know about personal development & self transformation. I must think more highly of myself to increase my own self worth & esteem. I try my best & I am not going to be so harsh or self critical for set backs in my life. i must love myself more, I must love others more. The inner critic is hard to deal with but love will heal everything. I have to be more kind towards myself, I don't currently have a career. My financial situation is not the greatest but I am in a first world country & have family around me that love me. I am loved by others but still feel lonely. I need to express self love towards myself. I am in a good position in life & need to stop comparing myself to others. It's all about how you perceive reality.

It was a long post to go through covering different aspects to sex, absolutely deep and profound, kudos @Galyna Sex is not just bodies at play, it’s also an exploration for the mind to the direction of extreme pleasure when mind seeks asylum in the polar opposite in its duality, the physical sensations and emotions are the first thing that meets the eye of an ordinary lusty mind. For the advanced, sex is the whole of infinity what one calls god and other calls nothingness when Masculine hacks and penetrates the feminine essence of absolute beauty and brings her to bloom with ecstasy and shows her the absolute lucidity of truth. it is a transformation for those who understand spirituality and can source connect, the sex is about consciousness and the absolute intelligence manifesting itself to bring creation. God planting itself in the nature of duality creating absolute burst of divine potent energy and unlimited joy. Sex = Source of universe

I've been doing inner work for almost 2 years now with no results should I just take psychedelics to see what happens? I've been doing Transformation Mastery by Julien Blanc which hasn't helped me unfortunately.

Am I deluded? Am I smart? Am I crazy/flippant? Am I Mad? Or am I both? I guess I'm more crazy than I'm mad. ..... Anyway these characters are a Doorway into who I am. Sex can make you tired. Even being horny for long periods of time makes me very tired. That's a huge disadvantage. But it is healing and curative. What turns me on? A guy who tries to steal me. From myself. I'm deeply introverted. And morning I was thinking about how introversion can actually cure me. It is one thing that will help. Being introverted makes me crave intimacy. Because I'm sexually repressed? I kept my feelings hidden for so long in fact I wasn't even in touch with them. I did not even explore my feelings. I always shamed myself for any sexual thoughts. I think a huge part of this reason was my second ex boyfriend Mr Bud. He was notorious. He was a freak. He would show me porn videos that I never liked. ( I have rape fantasies but rape fantasy is just rough sex, being tied up,nothing more) So his stuff was weird. Once he said that he would pass me around and that angered me. I think that's where I stopped talking about sex with him because I saw no point in encouraging sex with him. Probably that created a negative image of Sex in my mind. Bud was an Indian guy and I stopped dating Indian guys at that point. Because I was always "virgin" shamed in these relationships. They wanted me to be sexual but at the same time every time I wanted to open up sexually I was made to feel like a slut. That further repressed me.. Made me feel like I wasn't supposed to talk about sex, it was some kind of a taboo. I remember one day I wore red lipstick while going to the hospital. And Bud was with me and on the way he whispered into my ears, "you look like a whore." I was like wtf. "you shouldn't wear that red lipstick." And I got defiant and told him, "I can do whatever the fuck I want." I broke up with Bud because he was so controlling. He never made me feel sexy Every time I tried to open up sexually with him, he would make it sound like I'm a whore. It was difficult because all I wanted was normal sex that happens between couples. But Bud had no problem talking about gangrape yet I was the whore??? The sexism and hypocrisy was driving me crazy. I had to fight him off.. It was always competitive. He would never fulfill me. He would make it me versus him all the time. Like if I needed sex he would deliberately push me away. It was all about him. I think he became a major source of my sexual anxiety So thanks to Bud, I could never think positive about sex.. The real transformation came with Joseph the American boyfriend. He did it for me. He told me to open up. He told me things he would do to me. Things that Bud never said he would. There was a huge difference. I felt sexually liberated for the first time. I felt powerful. I felt good.. I orgasmed all night with Joseph like almost 3 times in a row. I was drenched wet. Joseph was encouraging me and sexualizing me like sexing me up.. I did not feel bad for being horny or wet. This was the first time. I did not feel guilt or frustration. It was pure surrender and it was soft. I was just laying in bed feeling absolutely taken and owned by Joseph. This was the first time I actually enjoyed the feeling.

@Leo Gura Ok. I will look through your videos on Epistemology. The reason I bring up your story with that person is because some of what you mentioned there lined up with what I have been experiencing lately. As a result of shifting into a nondual place of perception in the past 6 months or so my mind has been at peace and equanimous however it is my body has struggled to keep up with the transformation. Prolonged exhaustion and nausea arise whenever I engage in my usual nondual practices. Do you remember any more of your exchange with this person, and why did their awakening trigger their physiology in such a way?

don't like the title of this journal maybe just Emotional Intelligence Training or something would be better. i like to reframe challenging situations in my life as an emotionally intelligence game. this way, i stop getting overly identified with the problem and i see it more in a neutral-playful way. playing too much chess! i have to diversify my hobbies a bit. i was trying to play checkers online, but almost nobody plays it other things that i thought of doing: - download & play crash bandicoot 3 warped - play (and record) the piano more - express myself artistically (maybe painting) - find a book to read (i will start the book "Speak". it sounds interesting and not too difficult to read) - make 10 minute session of organizing (deliberately short so that i actually do it) - stretching & gentle yoga so things like that. two things that i used to care that now i choose to alienate myself from: politics & soccer. both of which were just pissing me off. reflecting about my experience in this forum it's crazy to think that i use this forum for over 6 years. i went through a big transformation. back in 2016-17, i was in a state of deep confusion, as if i was lost in a dark forest. i thought psychedelics & spirituality were the answer to my problems. nothing could be farther from the truth. >> the freaking power of premium psychotherapy + premium psychiatric sessions is unbelievable << it's really expensive, but it's the best investment i could ever do in my life. i finally feel healthy once again. i feel like my true me again. just working my way up the hierarchy of needs. it's really easy to forget about the foundation and try to reach the top. but without a solid base, everything's gonna fall apart college's been good i've been able to make some friends in my class, which is really important. because if i were to go to the classes just because of the classes per se, then it'd be depressing. in a way, it's good that it took me more years to get into college. i'm 25, and i'm in my second year. i feel much more prepared to go through the college experience. i'm doing it because I want it. not because society tells me so. and also, because my mental health is being taken care of, i can experience the challenges as for what they actually are, and not get amplified by 100x because of depression. there are some other older students in my class but i don't feel like them tbh. i relate much more to the ones that are in their early 20's. but i do like to diversify the groups that i interact with. regarding social groups, i'm polygamic lol. i hope the hybrid modality continues! there's been protests against this. my college basically wants that about half of the course will be through online real-time classes. to me, that's great. i feel no desire to go to the college every single day. i feel like by going there fewer times, when i actually go, the experience is heightened. i hope this doesn't change, because it's been comfortable for me.

Booyaa, another day to grind on it. Yesterday didnt write. Recap. Was very tired following 1st day back to Gym... partial blame going to junk-food diet (I believe gluten comes with a 24-48 hour energy crash... and also smoked a bowl of weed after breakfast... Laid in my van all morning/afternoon, did some calls to get ball rolling on new ID, and a job program, listened to more Dispenza mostly. Bought energy drink after lunch and ibuprofen, which mostly knocked out the exhausted feeling, Doordashed for a few hours. Sticking point : Talking to people and start to internally dwell on conversation points too much. Also getting more into conscious creation of the life I want to live... rewiring brain via doing more what I want to be , and removing actions that I dont want... altogether less procrastination. Sticking Point #2 : Learning to say No to people... definitely people trying to use me from the homeless shelter, like I ghosted the guy wasting my time trying to be my new gym buddy. "I got business to handle" Started several threads , as I am just like "why not spam the forums with questions I want to work on?" Also watched Leo's 1st video in Start Here, really good overview starter video, crazy how I feel like I know 60% of it already, but the thing is *fundamentals* so drilling in the basics irregardless if I know 90% or not... as how can I teach it if I dont know it through and through? Definitely gonna have to add meditation ASAP. Im already getting more clear and crisp feeling, only 5-6 days into starting to turn my life around Adding 20-30 seconds of cold shower to every shower. Havnt updated my journal in a few days on Actualized.org Wrote a post and accidentally deleted it. Went to gym and worked out hard, really helped "dial-in" (effects diminshed after 24-48 hours) Had a guy starting to leech off me, drug me around wasting my time... Gotta work on saying No. (Self-respect, commitments to my other plans, people gotta respect me saying No or kick them out immediately) Smoked weed with that leecher, bought me a gram and started being lazy, reinstalled a game, lost momentum, relapsed into old identity (note to self, keep practicing identity change, it is *not* a one time thing, but an active ongoing process requiring daily commitment) Cut back on people altogether again, maybe its because there is a lingering effect of weed making me like that for up to 3 days after? Will see. Leecher got kicked out of Salv. Army housing and ghosted him. Kinda ghosting everybody (cuz of weed's effect) Been wasting a lot of time throughout the day... doing some doordash in morning , lying around most of afternoon and evening.. Seems like life is an *energy game* , mylenating neuron pathways through repetition, body prefers using less energy and defaulting back to old habits... Felt like 'two step forward, one step backwards' until getting thrown off that day with leecher and picking up smoking weed a few days and reinstalling a game. Loss of drive, emotionally monotone feeling. Lined up for a Career 'Work Ready'program, going to be ongoing with daily classes , preparing for interviews, getting resume fixed up, learning skills related to field I want to work in, help with finding employers,and the whole 9 yards. Got a birth certificate ordered - 2 weeks tho, get my ID and SS card following that... Things Im working on implementing to daily routine Cold Shower Wim Hof + Meditation habit Going thru Transformation Academy classes Going thru Actualized.org classes Every 2-3 days going to Gym Getting to sleep early (no lights including phone) around 9pm , waking up at 5/6am Going thru Optimize mini-classes Earning extra $20-60/day Doordashing Need to identify goal for entreprenurship and commit to doing that around the clock Need to write down list of Self-Inquiry questions Need to work on schedule and measuring success towards commitments. Need to create a study habit... like an environment where I aim to be productive (because lazy in my bed/van/tv) , maybe start going to library/coffee shop and do Pomodoro technique and try 3 blocks of 30-60 mins of goal-oriented activity. Also dressing up like 'im going to work' maybe that will help with feeling like 'this is work time' instead of constantly dipping off on my phone being lazy. Definitely slacking though. Hopefully a few days off weed and doing some Wim Hof/working out will help reset back... what originally seemed to get me going last week was 1) a girl playing therapist for me with lots of "i love you" intimacy + eye contact (not romantic love at all,just like "i care about"love and providing me space to open up , and 2) getting pissed off at some cops harrassing me, really spiked my emotions , which is kinda the opposite after smoking/chilling too much feeling emotionally monotone now Anyways, one of my biggest lessons so far has been "When falling off the horse, you must get right back on it" as this applies to habits/personal change... If I let one or two more days go without journaling, Im essentially going to have to start all over again... so here we go, back on the horse I get. Much love -Kory

The difference between someone who's awake on some level and someone who's enlightened is huge. Awakening doesn't require much transformation; enlightenment requires the whole system to be transformed and aligned with the highest truth.

Some major shifts in my perception about dating: Thanks to the work of Robert Moore I learned that real shifts in perceptions come through crises. One should actively look to create a crises in one’s life to initiate transformation. This is what I discovered about people and women. In summary I learned I shouldn’t put them on a pedestal. I did for a very long time and I knew I shouldn’t but now it just clicks. Lessons: I overvalued physical beauty. I was a servant of obscurity/devil. The tragicomic thing is when you don’t value the thing you will get it thrown on your lap A woman is not your mother. She doesn’t love you for you. She loves you for what you mean to her. don’t take advice from a woman on how to be a man if you want to fuck around with girls, position yourself rightly. Physical, emotional, mental weakness is punished. Strength is rewarded. It is really true that in your figuratively speaking darkest hour, you will find salvation. So don’t postpone the darkest hour. The answer is within but you need to seek it outside yourself to come to the conclusion that is not outside of yourself: you already have everything you need Change in perception is the deepest teachings

My final transformation Have you experienced something like this? I feel like from inside, I'm changing in a massive way. Like a huge change. Do you ever feel like your whole personality is going to change 180 degrees. For example, let's say you were an angry or aggressive person and now something is making you change into a milder calmer friendlier person. Or let's take the opposite. You were a gentle person but now you are getting angrier, or just stricter.. Let me explain what's happening to me. My facial expressions are changing from sweet to mean/strict. I'm changing from a gentler person to someone more strict, pragmatic and matured, more serious and a bit bolder. I feel some kind of inner metamorphosis. Like my inner self is struggling to come out or is undergoing huge transformation. And it's saying very loudly a very big FUCK YOU. It's asking me - why the hell do you care about all this drama around people? If they judge you, blame you, hold you responsible when you didn't do shit, then fuck it, who cares? It's like my inner self is challenging me big time to pick myself up by the bootstraps and not give a damn anymore, because nobody gave a damn about me. Is this a sign of inner growth? I feel a sense of boldness and self empowerment. Like why should I care what someone thinks of me. I used to engage in people pleasing behavior and I took a lot of shit in the process. But now my inner self is saying - STOP!!!! DEVELOP AN EGO. STOP GIVING A DAMN. A strong inner resistance developing gradually. Will this turn me into a narcissist? I feel like I'm developing a strong defense mechanism. Like building a wall around myself where only those people can scale the wall who aren't going to fuck with me anymore, aren't going to play mind games, aren't going to be passive aggressive or manipulate me or aren't going to give me a lame treatment. It's like my my heart is saying — if they don't treat you right, just don't put up with it anymore. The call is yours to make, not theirs. Take back power. Does this feel right or does this feel narcissistic? When I had these thoughts, this music was playing in my mind. Pretty aggressive.

I recommend both, they compliment each other. I never done nor inquired into the program you mentioned, but I know Julien Blanc is an RSD instructor. As far as I know, much of the PUA community and RSD material is based on manipulation tactics and strategy, whether it is manipulation of internal state or of the environment. Sorry to break it to you, manipulation will not transform you, because you are already manipulating your internal state and the environment. Real transformation is about maturing, not adopting new ways of relating to circumstance. If you want to mature, you need to let go of your self induced childhood patterns. Psychedelics will show you some of this and connect you, at least temporarily, to a more integrated and honest experience of life. If you want real "growth", it is about becoming as honest as you can be, and becoming conscious of all the patterns you adopted throughout your life, and deciding whether to drop them or not. It is also about bringing to your Consciousness everything that your repress. If this type of work interest you, I invite to research "shadow work" and contemplation of unconscious mind. Psychedelics accelerate this process because they increase Consciousness by showing you the content of your subconscious mind, which tends to dominate your experience and fixate your life to a certain form. In my personal experience, Ayahuasca is the most transformative psychedelic. Ayahuasca provides not only ego death (when needed), but also forces you to deal with your emotions. It will also show you the deepest material of your unconscious mind - the deepest fears, sorrow, pain that you hold. Ayahuasca is not a walk in the park, it is serious emotional work. But it is worth it.

Greg: Hello, spirit of guidance. Spirit Guide: I am here, my friend. Greg: I am a little puzzled by something. Quite confused, in fact. Spirit Guide: Have you noticed how some of our very best conversations, featuring some of the richest realizations begin when you take that position? When you are willing to admit to your internal dissonance, describe it carefully and then open yourself to a new transcendent understanding you do a special kind of magic. An alchemical transformation. Lead into Gold. Fear and discomfort into love and delight. And of course we are going to do the same thing right now. And it all begins when you describe your difficulty. So, go ahead. What puzzles you, my friend? Greg: How would you define me? Spirit Guide: A spark of eternal, divine light who has chosen to express itself as Love, who is currently, momentarily, experiencing incarnation as a human being on Planet Earth. Greg: Thank you. I needed to be reminded of that. Spirit Guide: You already know this. Why can't you remind yourself? Greg: Well, I could. I wanted your company, as well. Spirit Guide: I am always with you. There isn't a single moment in all of NOW that I am not with you. Greg: Then why can't I call on your assistance whenever I wish? Spirit Guide: You most certainly can! Greg: For the last week I sat every day at my laptop and tried to produce an intuitive conversation with you and received nothing in return. Spirit Guide: Why do you think that is? Greg: I guess I am not always aware of your presence. Sometimes I sit here and nothing comes. Sometimes I get bits and pieces, but they don’t hang together correctly and I know it’s not right and I end up deleting what I have written. But mostly I just don’t FEEL it. Mostly the feeling is that I should be doing something other than writing. Is that laziness? Procrastination? I don’t know. I thought to ask you about it. Spirit Guide: Oh, I definitely can help you with this. But I have a question of my own for you before I answer yours: What is different when you DO manage to write something? Greg: Everything! I might have months and months of struggling and then, one morning I just wake up and I feel different. I feel ready. Spirit Guide: And then? Greg: And then it’s usually quite easy. I sit down and write. It’s not exactly effortless. Getting the info is “heavy lifting”. And getting it all straight in my mind takes a lot of work. The writing itself is easy enough. And then there’s a bit of editing and cleaning up to make sure the words represent, as perfectly as possible, the concepts that I originally received. So it takes work, certainly. But it flows and I feel I can do it. Spirit Guide: So it goes from sticky and impossible to suddenly quite doable. Greg: Yes, exactly. Spirit Guide: And? What changes? What are you doing differently on these occasions when it is doable? Greg: I was hoping you could tell me. Then I can just always do whatever it is and I’ll just be able to get on with my writing! Spirit Guide: My dear, sweet child. Do you not see? You are not doing anything different when you can successfully write. It is simply so that you have some wildly inappropriate expectations the rest of the time. You believe that there should be a release through you, and from me, within some kind of a regular time period that you can control. But this is just not so. When I speak to and through you, I do not simply speak to human consciousness. I speak at very specific intervals when human consciousness is ready for what I have to say. Sometimes, when consciousness is transforming relatively rapidly on Earth, I might have a rapid succession of things to say. Then you will be kept busy by me. Sometimes there are blockages that need to be worked out in the collective consciousness of humanity, and what I have to say must wait. Then there is a longer pause. The point is, these things cannot be rushed. And it will most certainly not do to offer information before it’s time. This might actually cause more harm than good. And then, too, sometimes things are moving along exactly as they should, and nothing need be said for some time. Beloved one, nothing is by accident and nothing is random about any of this. We are engaged in a very highly purposeful, highly intentional process. So I ask you to entirely let go of the idea that my releases through you should follow a pattern of regularity that you can depend upon. They will not. They will come when I decide the time is right. And, as you have seen, trying to “force it” doesn’t get you anything. You must be patient. And, alas, so must your readers. For there are those who benefit from our conversations. So, patience is the first thing that will be required of you going forward. Beyond that I have, what I am sure you will find to be, a very useful recommendation: Instead of thinking that you must put some time aside to write every day, rather set time aside each day which you call your “tuning in to listen” time. Sit in front of your laptop for this time as it is your style, and what works for you, to record in writing the things that you receive. But please note: you are not sitting down “to write”. You are sitting down “to listen”. If you find what you receive in such a session to be worth recording - write it down. Then do with that as you see fit. If, for example, what you receive on that occasion, takes our central conversation forward, then add that to my communications. If, on the other hand, what you receive on that occasion is only relevant to you and your growth, then this is most certainly not of “less value” than an item for public release. Rather this is of MORE VALUE, as this is a part of you, fulfilling your core purpose. Which is your own self-healing and spiritual growth. Do remember, as you contemplate this, that you are only able to help others, only able to offer healing, only able to receive shareable information to the degree that you are healing yourself and aligning yourself with your divine, Inner-Self. So, working on yourself must come first. Your spiritual awakening IS your purpose. Your spiritual awakening is your own, intensely personal, journey. Everything else, including gifting information to others, is secondary. A beneficial, secondary consequence that comes as a by-product of your true purpose. Nothing more. Nothing less. To be continued... March 31st, 2022.

In this post, I'm going to help you figure out why the moment-to-moment experience of your daily life, activities and behaviors have seen no improvements or changes after years of meditation. Then I'll provide you with a technique you can practice in formal sessions and bring it to daily life. This transformation requires deliberate daily practice and effort. You won't find much value here if you are looking for magic tricks. ---- Contrary to common understanding, meditation is not actually about cultivating exclusive attention (concentration) to a particular object. That is one aspect of the practice you can do for the development of certain skills. That's it. A more central part of meditation is the development of metacognitive awareness, equanimity, joy and their sub-skill - whole body awareness. We'll focus on these aspects and try to spread the concentration muscle to the whole body with breath sensations. But before we get to that, we need to understand why this is important. Ask most meditators and they will mostly tell you that it is about generating focus to a particular object. Rather than approaching the practice from a narrowing of attention, let's start with a more solid foundation. As you contract attention to an object in daily life, it collapses awareness of everything else. When you are watching Game of Thrones, the unconscious mind system doesn't see much value in projecting the sensations of the couch and the feeling of hedonic comfort that currently lies in your posture. It bypasses and filters all that information to make your life simpler. It is easier to focus on Game of Thrones that way. Well, it looks that way at least. See, regardless of whether you naturally filter these sensations or not, the unconscious mind needs to project something to the conscious awareness. Unless you are mindful in the process, what you are going to experience will be annoyance, boredom, striving, grasping and discontent. All of these mental reactions have a deeper source you can completely yank out after years of practice BUT first, you need to develop the skills which will enable you to do that. Our default option was to bypass and filter as much information unrelated to the task at hand. Well, let's practice not doing that and allow more sensory information to be generated in the entirety of mind and body. Instead of collapsing awareness with concentration, let's strengthen it. ---- Experiencing the Whole Body with the Breath: Very-Lite Jhana System It’s possible to become an advanced meditator by just focusing over and over on the breath at the nose and ignoring subtle distractions until they fade away, but that can take a very long time. Learning to enhance awareness each time it collapses can be a torturous process. Experiencing the whole body with the breath is a faster and more enjoyable method that makes it much easier to completely ignore distractions. This practice involves clearly defining then gradually expanding the scope of your attention until it includes sensations related to breath throughout the entire body all at once. Make sure that you are not dealing with lots of sleepiness or dullness prior to engaging in this practice. Try to remain as alert as possible. Fortunately, this process will enhance energy levels and develop conscious power in the long term. The method itself builds on the body-scanning practice you learned in Stage 5 in Culadasa's book 'The Mind Illuminated'. 1- Just as with the body scan, you first direct your attention to the breath at the abdomen. Then, making sure that peripheral awareness of the breath at the abdomen doesn’t fade, you shift your attention to a particular body part, such as your hand. Define your scope of attention to include that area only. Then further refine your scope to include only the breath sensations in the hand. Ignore all other sensations by excluding them completely from attention, but let them remain in peripheral awareness. Next, move to another body part, perhaps the forearm, and do the same thing. Each moment of attention should include a very strong intention to focus clearly on breath-related sensations and to exclude everything else. What is important in this process is to enhance awareness of hedonic feelings. Even if you focus on breath sensations in a particular location, that will either feel pleasant, unpleasant or neutral. There is no other option. So, let's add a flair of vibrancy, joy and pleasure to the process. 2- As you experience (and generate) changing and flickering sensations to various parts of your body, smile physically and try to experience the exact same sensations as more pleasurable and exciting. You don't want dryness to pervade your mind and body. Serene, changing and pleasurable breath related sensations are starting to be experiened in arms, legs, forearms,head. In each in-breath and our-breath. 3- You are not constricting attention to the breath at the nose just yet. Keep the awareness open and after you are comfortable with this process, try to feel changing and pleasant sensations in the whole body. Not in particular locations. Feel it more holistic as the awareness and pleasantness spreads to the whole body along with clear changing sensations in various parts of the body. You will lose some of the resolution power from before but this time the object is the entire mind and whole body. This process is going to train conscious power to the next tier of strength. 4- Finally, bring the attention to the breath at the tip of the bose WHILE continuing to experience the whole body, pleasure and changing sensations in various parts of the body. Now you are also investigating in-breath and out-breath while step 3 activates at full force. This will add another layer of training for your conscious power circuits. Make sure you don't lose joyfulness, pleasure, relaxed ease and happiness in any of instructions. Awareness of mental states is a key part of mindfulness and can't be discarded. When feelings of annoyance, impatience etc arises, re-generate some ease with smiling and relaxation of tense muscles. --- Do this practice everyday in formal sessions. But how am I going to bring it to my actual life? You are going to intend to bring this whole body open awareness while watching Game of Thrones, playing the piano, and eating. When you fail and get obsessively focused on an activity, strengthen the whole body awareness again and re-train your mind to maintain it while doing these activities. In all activities, this awareness can be practiced. There are no exceptions apart from sleep states. Whenever you feel things are so hard and require so much effort, just remember the ease and pleasure in whole body awareness and try to replicate that mental state again as you are washing the dishes. ---- Hope this helps. I suggest doing this system of training for 30-60 days straight. With many hours of formal and informal deliberate practice per day. (2-6 hours) Then the results will speak for themselves. Much love, Arda

March 1 I suffer leg injury from a fall in the bathroom. It's over for me for the next few days. I walk with the help of a stick. Trying to relax as much as possible right now. It's March 1. I need to fill my orange beret journal. Juicy birdy insights. I also have my Zegglife trademark logo ready. This is my brand and I'm proud of my brand. This is the logo I create or take from the internet. It's a willow tree. This becomes the symbol for my holistic life and purpose. On March 1 I come up with the concept of the Emperor Archetype who I call Emperor Olaf inspired by how people can live happily under a benevolent king/Emperor who won't be tyrannical like Putin. While being bedridden due to leg injury I also start my new YouTube channel called Zegglife. March 3 I learn about Russia and Britain in WW2. I am lying on the floor crying and thinking how could this even be possible. I am going through a cathartic process. I can't imagine that these people are Christian. The soldiers are Christian. How could they rape women? I can't imagine this. This is an Abrahamic religion. I'm terrified. I decide it's time to abandon Christianity. The God of Abraham cannot be a good God. I make up my mind. I abandon Christianity on March 3. I make a thread on it. I'm-abandoning-Christianity. March 4 I start the journal 'My Religious Transformation' - March 5 I start the journal 'The Roman(magnum opus).' This is my journal entry on that day. "I'm so happy right now. Extremely happy. I no longer need Christianity although I still like the teachings of Christ. Now I have the religion of Deihism that fixes my spiritual issues. ⚖️... This is the temporary symbol, the balance" That day I invent my own religion and name it Deihism. - March 6 I start a journal 'Everyday people' to document the struggles and victories of everyday people. - March 7 I start a journal on Christianity. I want to explore both Judaism and Christianity and learn more from these religions. On March 7, I discover a channel with an extremely feminine woman and I'm very impressed with that. And I decide to explore femininity in more depth. So I start threads on femininity. One thread titled "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I go deeper into concepts on March 7. I realize that I'm unable to complete the weekly journal March 1 - March 8 because of my mental health struggles due to various issues including the war. So I abandon that journal. I start a new journal March 7. It includes many useful insights that I arrive at on that day. On March 7 I write this entry in my journal - " I'm unable to follow the old format. So today is March 7 and I don't want to put an end date on my journal. I just want to keep tracking as long as I want. All my thoughts, emotions and actions and insights are going to be here. This liberates me from a time constraint. " I also realize that Kamala Harris has a very feminine smile and is a good role model. I want to see this woman's smile everyday. It's kinda uplifting. She looks like a cool mother figure to me. March 8 I write a curious comment in my journal " I'm so fed up with bias." The comment is inspired by the thread "What do guys on this forum consider as feminine?" especially by this comment what-do-guys-on-this-forum-consider-as-feminine I kinda get tired of arguing on the forum and fall asleep. I wake up feeling better and then I write my wonderful insight here Insight I also start the journal 'I don't think I'm very feminine on the same day. - March 9 I start the journal 'How must we be as a nation.' I also want to apply the example of a nation to life. I start the journal 'driftwood' and it explores general thoughts. Drifting mind. By March 9 I realize how important femininity is to my Iife. - March 10 I have understood that femininity helps me more than anything. I only want to be surrounded by feminine women and feminine men. That way I stay safe. And I feel much better and energized with femininity. I feel aggressed upon by masculinity. I can't take it anymore. I'm changing everything in my life for the better and I want to have a fresh start in my life using feminine principles. Masculinity is harmful to me. It caused me permanent damage. Feminists in this regard can be damaging to women. I also made threads on cultivating femininity.