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@MM1988 You are not making the distinction between egoic and trans-egoic. From the perspective of the ego, there is egoic love and egoic hate. There is egoic beauty and egoic ugliness. There is egoic bliss and egoic pain. There is egoic peace and egoic suffering. From the perspective of the ego, it wants to get rid of the egoic hate, ugliness, pain and suffering and keep egoic love, beauty, bliss and peace. This is the obsession of the ego and the cause of great suffering. Transcending the ego means it all dissolves: egoic love, hate, beauty, ugliness, bliss, pain, suffering and peace. All of the ego-based interpretations are transcended and dissolve. At a trans-egoic state there may arise transcendental forms of Love, Beauty, Bliss and Peace - yet these are distinct from egoic self-need based versions. If one transcends the ego, there is no "you" to be ugly anymore. The mind-body is whole and complete - whether or not anyone thinks the body is beautiful or ugly. The mind-body will not desire to make racist jokes because it can do whatever it wants. The is no "you" vs "me". You are missing the transcendental aspect of this. This is why direct experience is so important. A mind-body can intellectualize transcending itself, yet that aint it. Not even close. The emodiment comes with direct experience.

Leo's latest video on scientific dualities triggered a deep sense of discomfort within me, for good. It felt like falling in an endless well. It started with panic (of having lost the pointers to map my experiences) and soon transformed into bliss (of realizing that I was the creator of those categories anyway, and I can make them as up as I want, if I want). My mind tends to be really active in symbols and symbolic imagery, and with the intention of integrating this with my everyday life, I started to wonder what the role of symbols (like the language I am using to get this across to you) is - in the whole network of reality. Have you seen a Rainbow? It doesn't just have seven colors. The distinction between what we call Violet and Indigo is not easily discernible. An example, quoted from an Environmental Psychology book 'Drunk Tank Pink' A 'thing' does not exist until it is categorized in some fashion. A category does not exist until it is 'defined' within rigid boundaries and is given a name. This seems obvious when you get it. Leo's 3 part series on Dualities is to trigger an unlearning process of the 20 years of schooling / scientific indoctrination. Analysis is crucial for intellectual work. For finding distinctions, developing a set of characteristics that define it and studying those set of characteristics to form conclusions. But the problem with this approach is that Analysis leaves out more than it covers. We keep adding new words into our dictionaries every year because new concepts are born every year. Further, different cultures have a fundamentally different concept of, for example, time. Synthesis attempts to rectify this problem by zooming out as wide as possible and noticing all the subtle and nuanced ways everything is networked together. True Holism is the integration of Analysis AND Synthesis.

@kieranperez The middle part, the bliss of no ego, no overthinking, with regards to your recent trip report - There, all ‘things’ become known, and There all things are possible. Through meditation, and inspection of what disappeared and how - going into that “middle part”- as well as the inspection of how “it” reappears, coming out of that middle part. Psychedelics are helpful, absolutely, but also, nothing is hidden from you. You are asking about practicality, putting it into words. Consider it can not be put into words, rather, the path to it is present in your words themselves. Something I find very helpful, is taking the time to go back and read one’s own post - and look for where it was covered, evaded, suppressed, avoided. Many posts are of the ‘right’ question, few posters allow themselves to receive the answer. Usually the post of a question becomes the unseen attraction of like mindedness. And do not make the grave mistake of misinterpreting any “bad” emotions as of the circumstances, nor of what others say. Use the circumstances, use what others say - which bothers you - use THAT. Do not trust the thoughts, trust the emotions. They have eternally guided you. Listen.

This week... Wow. I can't even put it into words what's occuring/occured. Change... Definitely but in a way I cannot say, I cannot verbalise. I keep stopping and feeling this overwhelming love, joy and bliss. I don't wanna sound cliché and I know it can because we all seem to be using the same type of words to communicate this but it's so hard to put it into language. I'm starting to realise that I have HEAVILY underestimated... Actually... Not underestimated but... Maybe looking at things from a different paradigm might be the right word to use. I'm starting to question what the mind ACTUALLY is. Like on a deeper experiential level. I see I have been looking at some questions from the smallest of corners I could of. From the most limited perspective. Reality, life, god, whatever the fuck it is... Seems to be opening up right before me. Everything is growing in depth, width, breadth and height. The way I can possibly describe it is I feel I am not looking at life (reality) anymore from my small self. From my corner, from this one perspective, it's more holistic, deeper, more breathtaking perspective. I can't describe it. I wish I could. I close my eyes and breath, 'it' is there.... The perspective I speak of. Edit: don't know if this adds to anything but my own delusions and egoic needs lies and manipulations are literally appearing more and more in front of me everyday.

Is the other way around. Joy, bliss, mind expansion, wellbeing is normal. So if you see blissful people and think is not normal, than you are sick, trapped by the balls in thos social cancer. Metaphor: this 3 headed hydra with 1000 eyes, pure apathy and disaster.

Easy, forgetting you have a heart and breath. Is not a limitation, more than 90% of the population is sick, is called social cancer, in other words, education as we know it in the mainstream. We make the best we can in this life by letting go or going into learning how to behave and than disaster comes. There is no way around this. Transcencence cannot live fully in a dormant\sick environment. And the majority prefer to be sick, even if they call that bliss. Heart cannot be bought, nor learned.

@KarlaThat's my first exposure to wikihow. Nice site! I'm reminded me of an alternative,,,,, becoming a Bozosatva http://www.halexandria.org/dward015.htm Voltaire once said that, “God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh.” In a similar vein (as opposed to an artery), the prolific and world renowned writer whose pen name is Anonymous is reputed to have said, “Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.” Evan Hodkins of the School of Alchemy <http://www.schoolofalchemy.com> has creating a fine art of what he refers to as “Self-Squandering Love-Mischief.” In his unique deconstruction of the English language, Hodkins writes: “According to tradition, the Buddha, scaling the wall of Nirvana, beheld the paradisal riches of infinite bliss, and decisively slipped over the barrier into total Enlightenment. He was gone! The Bodhisattva similarly encountered Nirvana, but conscientiously elected to return to Earth to assist in the illumination of all sentient beings. Hence, the image of the Bodhisattva, like Christ, elucidates the archetype of self-transcending servanthood. Those who undertake the Bodhisattva path attempt to ‘love without loving’ -- without attachment to the outcome of the service rendered. The urge to serve is not compromised by expectations of rewards or recognition. [See, as an additional example, true Philanthropy.] This style of compassion is less like Velcro, more like Teflon. It isn’t sticky and it doesn’t make a mess! Become a Bodhisattva and your Vampire days are over! “The trouble is, the Bodhisattva is vulnerable to episodes of terminal seriosity. Too much somber service and the heart goes sour, bodies get exhausted and the old lethargy returns with a compensatory vengeance. G. K. Chesterton said, ‘Life is entirely too important to be taken seriously.’ We’re all Bozos on the same bus -- colorful screwups orchestrating gleeful good for the sake of all Bozo-kind. So how exactly do we systematically unfrown the world? Add a pinch of tomfoolery and a dash of anonymous love-mischief to every splendid day. Be love-idiots and merry pranksters. It’s the traceless way. The formula is simple -- you watched it on TV when you were just a puppy -- wear a fashionable mask, ride into town on a white horse, work your transformative magic, accidentally drop a silver bullet here and there, then skidaddle, leaving everyone in town scratching their heads in wonderment. Wake up! Why park your carcass in the Land of Despair? We’re ambassadors of joviality and dis-arming tenderness. Let’s mirth-ify the planet one person at a time.” Now does that have the potential for fun, or what! With the same kind of abandon one can practice using the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, we can roam about creating mischief of the love variety, Close Encounters of the Love Kind. Even if you’re only doing it to office mates -- with the more terminally serious ones reaping the more outlandish benefits -- it’s all in the attitude. And if you don’t like where you’re at, change your latitude as well! And check out Evan’s stuff -- there is tons more on being a Bozo-Sattva than is dreamt of in this small webpage. Just be sure and come back to: http://www.halexandria.org/dward015.htm Caution!! Going onto the http://www.halexandria.org/home.htm causes a time warp in which hours can fly by,,,

@Matt8800 I'm also into the occult for the same reasons as you. I had very little success with meditation and self inquiry. Overall it was just too boring for me and nothing really was happening apart from some nice bliss moments. I have a really nice book on the occult: The sacred tradition of ancient egypt Could you (and everyone else) please share resources and your experiences using and practicing the resources? People on here tend to be very much into Buddhism and Zen and more traditional routes. These leaves people like us with a lack of resources and support. So lets build it up! My experience practising ancient Egypt has been very moving. I started practising ancient egypt rituals a year ago, the biggest impact it had on me was my creativity, I was able to tap into infinite intelligence(much like the one described in Leo's video) using the riturals practiced in Ancient Egypt. I've had deep deep visions of engineering and science creations, and completely different perspectives of laws of physics which are totally different to Newtonian and Quantum physics. Its given my a deep life purpose, one to build a highly conscious society that is deeply in touch with intuition and the essence of science(essence of science = exploration + observation).

For peace, True happiness and liberation you have to go beyond the world not merging with it. False God/Devil He owns this illusionary world and controls it. Making you consciuos of it fully and making you feel this ultimate bliss might be his Best trick.

Ego is false nature. It happens when you are not aware of your True nature. If you are, you wouldn't call your self God since there is no self to claim such thing. In reality there is nothing in unreality there is everything. You are Reality and self is in unreality claiming it's God/non sense. Monks and hermitts revert back into themselves and abandon unreality/phenomenal world. It's not about the bliss it's about Truth. Truth is really hard to swallow isn't it. ??️

Oh... Ok Void itself is True Self. This void "your entire life happened" it thinks it is a self a doer a thinker. All things that happened inside are unreal. All phenomena, all mystical states all bliss. It has no self nature it is Just there unmoving unchanging and it is not a self. It is nothing and all phenomena that appear inside it are nothing too without substance all illusionary. So no as self you can only be devil. I AM is ultimate delusion.

@Dodo Well, if you’re asking, it’s conceptual. That’s a thought, which just materialized. Trade creating thoughts, for creating the life you want. There are hundreds of millions of virgins. Just do the work, you’ll see them. You might not even think so small of females, with ample self exploration. You might find that bliss, is better than sex. The pleasures of sex are made of this. A reduction, a limitation for creation, of what you could be feeling all day everyday. Radical honesty is the Way. Let it all out, on paper. Good luck. Make sure you’re taking full advantage of all resources available to you in terms of well being.

Anyone have personal experience of doing Ayahuasca and 5-MeO together, one after the other? Or have researched knowledge of effects of doing both medicines on the same night? I'm curious if they are complimentary to each other. Also if one would intensify the effects of the other? And if so, could the intensifying be bad, as in overdose or blackout with normal doses of both? I'm wondering how 5-MeO could alter a Ayahuasca experience. And if Ayahuasca could be a good Segway into doing 5-MeO? As I find Ayahuasca to be peaceful and 5-MeO to be frightening. Wondering if trying 5-Meo just after, or even during a Ayahuasca trip might be a good way to smoothly transition into a 5-MeO trip, coming from that peaceful bliss. Or again, would the two add upon each other to the point of it being too much? Also, for those that have done both, how do the two compare? I feel like I've 'gone there' with Ayahuasca , but not yet with 5-Meo, so don't necessarily have the experience to compare. *Direct experience responses please, not just opinions.

@zeroISinfinity yeah i get that. as in your ego is making attachment to the bliss state. but at the same time arent we basically burning karmas at the highest rate when we r in that state of Bliss? so basically your talking about the masters layer? the nirvanic layer? ok so if nothing we perceive is real. do you just mean it isn't real in the sense that our egos try to make us believe it is real, so it can trick us into attaching meaning and reasons to chasing them? and therefore we shouldnt be making attachment to it. and through that conciosuness can expand infinitely throughout, and things aren't permanent or real in that sense?

Thank you @outlandish! Great info. The reason I even ask, is I'm am very experienced with Ayahuasca. I find it to be gentle and blissful. But I have a lot of fear around 5-Meo, to the point of I just can't surrender to it. Tried a couple of times. It's a full on panic attack. So thought maybe a good time to take 5-MeO is right after a Aya ceremony, so I'm going into it already in that blissed out space. So could be better equipped to surrender. I think I've decided to try it two days after my upcoming 3 day Aya ceremony. It'll be out of my system, so no worries of mixing anything. But I'll still be in a state of bliss, so might be a good space for doing 5-MeO.

Spiritual work is not for bliss chasers it is for wise and serious People.

@zeroISinfinity i guess i didn't really think it was eternal bliss. but i did kind of suggest it. i know your right. I guess its just easier and easier to reach those higher states of consciousness, the more enlightened we become. but overall isnt the state of an enlightened being generally quite blissful. or at least they can get themselves there alot quicker and overall live in a much more frequently blissed state? like the inner space is so vast and beautiful of an enlightened being, there is very little dwelling on the pain that does exist, cause its so tiny compared to the overall inner space of an enlightened being.

It's not bliss all the time but deep sense of liberation. It feels like that. Transcendance of everything.

probs right, cause who would post "they got enlightened" if they truly were enlightened. they would just be in a state of bliss, they wouldn't wanna drop their frequency with such low energy gloating

The funny thing is if you believe in free will, you are always on the right track because if free will was an illusion, you could only have this belief because you didn't choose to believe in free will. If you don't believe in free will and free will was real, then you are fu**ed up. Besides I don't really believe in free will but my ego is not ready to give it up. For some people it is better to believe in free will whatever the truth is. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. If you force yourself to believe in no-free-will, you will usually catch yourself acting as if you had free will to reach this state of mind. That's what I can tell from my experience.

ON SPIRAL DYNAMICS STAGE TEAL (written by me) (1) 100% Transcendence of the Mind -- including but not limited to transcendence of white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics and white-knuckle clinging to Truth Teal, unlike Turquoise and Coral, has completely (100%) transcended the Mind. Teal has reached Satori (or the Zen Mind). Teal is not white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics or to Truth. This means that Teal is not not clinging to metaphysics or to Truth either. Teal realizes that it's the Mind that clings to metaphysics and to Truth, and Teal has seen through the Mind completely. Teal allows the Mind but is no longer ignorant of the Mind making itself seem more important that it really is -- this includes but is not limited to the Mind making thought seem more important than it really is. Teal is able to live their life without being trapped inside the Mind-Matrix while also picking up the Mind when it's useful to do so and putting down the Mind when it's no longer useful. Teal knows how to do thought without thought doing them. (2) Focus on real relationships rather than abstract metaphysical love Because Teal has transcended the Mind, Teal is not clinging to any concept of metaphysical love. Teal values real relationships, however, and places their focus on nurturing real relationships that they care about. This doesn't mean that Teal is selfish though. Teal continues to express interpersonal compassion and contribution, but Teal is not clinging to any metaphysical love or abstraction about love being part of Truth or anything like that. That's all white-knuckle clinging by the Mind which Teal is well aware of. Teal is ok with not liking everybody. Teal is also ok with being interpersonally reactive when it's authentic and doesn't try to repress, suppress, or demonize Ego or Ego flare-ups. (See No. 6 below) Teal is very relationship-focused and uses relationships to do personal development work. (3) Authentic expression and authentic being -- full integration of the masculine and the feminine Teal realizes that both masculinity and femininity express itself in all persons. Teal watches their personas change and is mindful of their personas changing throughout the day. Teal can identify when they're in their masculine and when they're in their feminine. Teal is all about authentic expression, healing traumas, reducing shadow, recognizing personas, and following your goose-bumps (or following your bliss) whatever that might be because that's what your Ego-Mind needs to do to grow and to become more authentic (even if your Ego-Mind needs to go in a negative or destructive direction). Teal has integrated the masculine and the feminine completely (100%). (4) Drops down from the Mind Space into the Heart-Mind Space -- this doesn't mean you lose intellect, you just don't have any ignorance regarding the Mind anymore — this is another masculine feminine integration -- full integration of the Heart-Mind Because Teal has fully transcended the Mind, they no longer have ignorance regarding the Mind. This allows Teal to descend from the heights of the Mind down into the Heart and to integrate both into the Heart-Mind. Teal has integrated the Mind and the Heart completely (100%). (5) Drops down from the Mind Space into the Body-Mind Space — this is another masculine feminine integration -- full integration of the Body-Mind Because Teal has fully transcended the Mind, they no longer have ignorance regarding the Mind. This allows Teal to descend from the heights of the Mind down into the Body and to integrate both into the Body-Mind. Teal has integrated the Mind and the Body completely (100%). (6) Realizes the Ego-Mind has pros and cons -- and doesn't demonize, repress or deny the Ego-Mind in a black-and-white kind of way Teal doesn't white-knuckle cling to the idea that the Ego is bad or an illusion. Teal doesn't white knuckle cling to the idea that the Ego is not bad or an illusion. Teal doesn't try to repress, suppress, demonize, or dissociate from the Ego or the Mind. Teal realizes that the Ego-Mind has pros and cons, and Teal wants to maximize the pros of the Ego-Mind while minimizing the cons of the Ego-Mind. Because Teal is relationship and connection driven (real relationships and connections), they are not likely to be as selfish and solitary as Coral. Teal doesn't think they're God because they've transcended this kind of white-knuckle clinging to metaphysics and to Truth. Teal allows both the light side and the dark side of the personality.

If you want to stay in your comfort zone and live a life without passion. If you want bliss, ecstasy and unconditional love, there is no way around it, Total and utter vulnerability, openeness and compassion are needed.

Trip date: 3/29/19 Substance: 105 mg LSD (1 tab) Time of ingestion: 10:20 AM Location: Golden Gate Park, Lindley Meadow Duration: roughly 6 hours on an empty stomach I’m going to start by saying this... This was both the best day of my life and also being one of the most difficult. Fortunately, that was expected as a possibility... sort of. I want to note that I don’t advocate the setting and circumstances I was in to anyone else. This setting for this trip was what it was due to my current living situation and life circumstances. I went into this trip pretty nervous. However, after a call from a great friend (that I made on this forum), I felt a lot more relaxed. By the time I took the tab I let go of my expectations and intent for some super deep metaphysical trip. I actually went in wanting to have a very pleasant “ego-trip” and just go around Golden Gate Park and have a great time... Surprisingy, the opposite happened. I took an Uber down to Golden Gate Park near Polo Field, took the tab and then began walking around. Being that this was my first psychedelic trip and I personally have a notoriously low tolerance for pretty much everything (I’ve had a pretty solid Kundalini awakening and 3rd eye opening off 1 hit of a THC vape pen - don’t ask me how. I don’t know) I was definitely in that mindset of ‘waiting for something to happen’. It was a beautiful day, sun was finally out after weeks of rain and I found a log to sit by. I placed my bag down At about the 30 min mark I started noticing my natural curiosity was starting to come more online. I remember looking at the trees across from me in the distance and just looking at them. I noticed I became more curious each passing moment to the point of laughter. ‘Why this laughter?’ I wondered. Well, because I was become more authentic. My filter that keeps my natural curiosity down and depressed was starting to melt away. I then remember saying (and this became a phrase I continued to utter through the duration of the trip), “It’s just an amplification of what’s already so.” As soon as I said that, everything started to take off from there. This was the start of a massive buildup (for me relative to my ordinary consciousness and all other “glimpses”). As this trip progressed in the early stages I became so authentic and free from my normal character that I’m used to living in I felt like I imagine a lot of gay people do when they finally own their sexuality and live it. It was pure freedom. I honesty can say I’ve never had a more honest and authentic experience of what was truly so for me in my entire life. I realized that what honesty is is simply reporting what already so and authenticity is expressing what’s truly so. In order to truly own authenticity though, you have to know what it is that’s being repressed and also have overcome the massive filter I constantly have on... and that’s no simple matter. It took a whole tab of LSD to melt that filter to get out of jail. It was a feeling of “finally! You’re finally being real! You’re finally telling the truth! There you are!” I realized that one of the biggest obstacles towards true authenticity is fear. Simply fear. Fear of being disloyal to the facade because that facade was necessary and also has a lot of memories you are attached to... however... they’re not true and in order to be free you have to shed that armor and be vulnerable. It’s fear of being judged by others. I was looking at other people like a total spastic goofball but didn’t have an ounce of fear because what I was experiencing was what was true and that I could now love myself. I realized that you can only love when you truly accept and live what’s true. As my experience became more deeply authentic, I noticed found I was finding myself more and more in bi-lateral symmetry, something Martin Ball is known for truly emphasizing as a rule of thumb when taking entheogens (psychedelics) and embodying the nondual energy. I found that I literally couldn’t “violate” this symmetry so long as I wanted to stay authentic as I noticed that when I entered a-symmetries I wouldn’t enter into a dualistic point of view of subject-object relationship. When I broke bi-lateral symmetry, duality no longer was a concept, it became an inauthentic experience. I noticed the difference in the quality and state of mind between staying in bi-lateral symmetry as opposed to going into a-symmetry so I continued to sit down and stay in bi-lateral symmetry. The longer I stayed in bi-lateral symmetry the more I noticed a process of breaking down this “inauthentic energy” I was finding in my (subtle) body... checkout Martin Ball’s video on YouTube “Fractal Energetic Yoga” to know what I’m talking about and to see a little bit of what I was doing (whoever came up with that title needs to go into marketing). At the peak of purging my authenticity I started noticing something rather odd... the feminine in me came up. This promiscuous feminine aspect of my self cane up and boy did it come out. It wasn’t like some repressed gay side cams out but I feel flourishing of feminine side came out. It was such a release. I had both no idea that was there in yet at the same time it felt like something I was waiting to burst out all along. It was just some feminine aspect of my self it had a whole feminine sexuality to it too. At one point I just blurted out “God is soooooo sexy!” Lol After a plentiful amount of time processing and shedding my inauthentic character, I suddenly reached this weird and then staggering realization while laying on the ground... “it’s Infinite... it’s Infinite... I’M Infinite!” Tears came out. Tears of Love. Tears of Truth. Tears of fear. Tears. This realization was impersonal, personal, and transpersonal all that same time. It was a conflict because all 3 of those felt equally true at different moments. I started to truly realize what the word “yoga” or “union” really meant. It was hilarious. My mind was not dissolved at all though which, looking book 3+ weeks now, is kinda blizzare... at least to me. Rather, my conceptual mind was starting to became a visual interpreter for every realization even though these realizations were totally beyond the domain of mind. I started realizing the nature of perspective. I started to realize I was the cause of all the evil in the world, all the beauty in the world, the infinite creative potential of God. I realize the vital role of creation. I started to see that duality is the design and that it’s a necessary feature such that the results we have in this relative world are all necessary towards the next creation. I started to realize just the “out of control” function of cosmic creation moment-moment to the point I was both laughing with bliss and also felt my mind was going to explode because of the magnitude.I realize my Top (7) Values: Truth/Wisdom Love Consciousness Creativity Learning/Knowledge/Understanding Authenticity Beauty As these insights started to slow down I became much quieter to the point where I was totally still. I was started to reach the beginning of the come down and I was taking in what I had just realized. It dawned on me the responsibility that comes with the realizations I just had. Responsibility with a capital “R”. Not as a moral responsibility laid down my ego or some “other” but rather what it means and entails to truly live at the highest alititude of consciousness and what the required in terms of living in Truth, making life choices based off of the Truth, etc. I realized deep down I can’t just reject the world of form if I’m going to eventually live from the highest place of Truth and highest state of Consciousness. To deny the world is to deny myself because I literally am the world and everybody else. To deny Love of others is to deny Love of myself and to do so would be a lie and would be creating a shadow and would mean living in falsehood. I realized why sages do what they do and why they feel they “have to.” It’s not becaue they have some egotistical moral obligation. It’s out of Love of Truth and ironically, out of self-acceptance. Their identity is so cosmic that helping society and the world is no different than helping themselves. Feeding a starving boy in a sense feels the same as feeding themselves if they were starving. To not do so would be hurting themselves. I sat there stunned honestly nervous and asking funnily “Can I do this?” And then I remember a quote from Ralston when @Leo Gura asked him about the possibility of enlightenment, “who else could do it?” At that point I got up and started walking only to then realize that my phone was dead. I still was nowhere near sober but I was starting to really come down. This brought slight anxiety but nothing big. I decided it was best to find a coffee shop with an outlet where I could charge my phone. As I walked though, the more I felt other people. I felt all the staring from other people. I felt the hostile energy of cars racing and honking. I could feel the hate of so many other people. I started becoming ever increasingly self-conscious of how weird I probably seemed. As the LSD came down, the more I noticed how much I taint and ruin everything. I was aware of the more I felt worse, the more I projected onto other people. I felt like I was going crazy and going schizophrenic. I felt shame every time someone looked at me. I knew what was going on and that I was projecting and I was realizing that this is what a shadow is as it was happening. Though I knew what was happening I struggled keeping it together. I eventually found my way into a coffee shop which by that point I felt like I was truly losing my mind and to cap it off, the shop was full and no outlets were to be found. The emotional energy of everybody was so overwhelming I just kept projecting it out (internally - didn’t say anything). More frustration amounted. I just wanted to go home and call someone but couldn’t. I was trying to comfort myself but it was so hard. I realized just how much I ruin everything for myself. The hard part was that my mind was just getting more and more amplified the more the LSD wore off to a shocking degree. The distortion of thought was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I began walking for the next 4ish miles to the next coffee shop I thought of. It was rough. I was trying so hard to console myself without shitting on myself. The sad part was, this was what I was already doing inside of me. I just was never aware of it. I would have my hands on my knees I was feeling so overwhelmed exhausted by mind. I decided to keep trudging and stop feeling sorry for myself. I realized that this was par for the course and that yes, this wasn’t ideal. This is what I do but goddamnit I’m going to be fine. I can keep going. I even laughed a little bit about how distorted this same trip I got a taste of God as a bad trip. The more I kept going, the more I calmed down. I sat down, bought a sandwich, charged my phone, gave another friend on here a call and started feeling better. I learned a lot this trip. This was a truly full spectrum trip in every sense for me. I’m very happy I did a lot of listening and homework before ever doing psychedelics because having that frame alone for what was happening when it went South really was a big help in ways I can’t even put into words. Having in back of my mind that this was all perfectly normal really was the safety banklet I used to allow me to console myself that this was okay and I would be totally fine. I remember Leo said in the 10 Ox-Herding Pictures video when you first get a glimpse of the ox there’s thought of “we’re going to need a bigger boat...” And man is that fucking true. I realize a big part of that “bigger boat” for me is self-esteem and self-acceptance and development of my ego. My ego is fragile that I could see that the main reason my trip went south is because my ego is frail and fragile, as ironic as that might sound for so many people. Leo once used a lightbulb analogy that I think suits this experience well where it’s like you’re a puny little bulb being plugged into this ginormous high voltage wall socket and the moment you’re put in you burst. How true. I hate, deny, and am so ashamed of myself so much that my puny ego can’t actually tolerate and handle that amount of Love and Truth that I as God am. This has been a long post so I’ll wrap it up here. Thank you to @Robby for the pre-trip call, thank you @Sahil Pandit for being available to talk to as I came down, and thank you Leo. Thank you for everything. You’ve helped me find what I truly want out of life and show me a path of who I can truly be, avenues of potential I didn’t think were humanly possible, and showing me a path to find who I’ve always been. You can’t put a price on that. I don’t know you but I hope one day I get the opportunity in my life purpose to give you credit. And thanks to those of you on this forum who are genuine and have shared kind words of support in my past posts. To seekers: God is real... Trust me... I used to be a huge Marilyn Manson and Sam Harris fanatic LOL. As far as right now I am back in my ordinary ego. I’m about to embark in less than a month on a 4 month hardcore sales gig where I can earn up to $60k this summer which I’m currently preparing for. I’m currently doing self-esteem sentence completion work but still don’t feel any real difference despite having finished this first week of daily sentence completions. Self-esteem is hands down my biggest obstacle right now. My confidence, integrity, self-accepetance, work ethic is still extremely low. Still screw ups and mix ups in my day still set me off on huge emotional rampages internally where I tear myself apart and lose all hope. I’m trying hard to cultivate hope. I hope after this 4 month gig I will have enough money to not only move out for this first time (which is terrifying enough for me as it is) but can then go to some workshops and seminars to really work on building my self-esteem, get clearer on my life purpose, and also go to a full workshop with Ralston in the Fall. Despite all the inner turmoil, the faith is still there. I’m still here and I’m still standing. Thank God ❤️

Hello everyone, Sorry for the late reply! I prefer to use my time to practice and read some great spiritual books and watch spiritual videos, so I only manage to post here sporadically. Yes, I do all the pranayamas to the Crown, as explained in Gamana’s The Secret Power of Kriya Yoga. Essentially, as I said, I put the attention on the Crown Chakra and do Shambhavi Mudra. Semi-closed/semi-opened, looking up towards the Crown. But as @Cocolove says, you won’t see anything with your physical eyes. Yeah! I see that a lot of people here still get caught up on the maze of Kriya techniques and complexity. If all you do is follow a technique-based approach like KSR book, then you will not go far. Techniques require mental activity, while awareness is beyond the mind. Parvastha is all about awareness! Technique-based teachings are only suitable for beginners because their minds are too dirty and require some purification first. But there’s also something to be said about too many techniques and complexity, and I honestly feel many Kriya books fall under this category. Here’s my view on Kriya: Pick a few techniques that work for you (Maha Mudra, Pranayama, Supreme Fire) and do them every day, twice a day. Keep reading some spiritual books, quotes, or videos to stay motivated when hard times come (and they will come). Don’t allow your practices to become a chore. If you do them mindlessly, they won’t bear fruit. Once you can achieve some degree of stillness due to the practices, add Parvastha at the end. Start with 100% Techniques, then slowly add Parvastha (75% - 25%) and then once Parvastha gets stronger (and it will), make them 50% - 50%. This is the mixture I use at the moment, with excellent results. Last two months, no visions, no out of body experiences, but just incredible peace, ecstasy, stillness and a feeling of power, like I can do anything. This comes with me to daily life, and nowadays, if I sit or stay silent for a while, I feel a strong ecstatic and pleasurable current in the spine (from root to crown). Then peace and bliss ensue. Then massive power and vitality. I also do 10 minutes of some basic yogic asanas to stretch my legs and back before sitting to practice. I can also see my ego better than before, reacting in daily situations, and every time I effortlessly witness it, I create more disassociation with it. This is one of the most significant differences I notice by adding Parvastha. With Kriya techniques only, I’d feel ecstasy and stillness during the practice and sometimes during the day, but then the ego reactions would be even stronger. As if I had more energy to unleash (often not in a good way). With Parvastha, I feel clearer, and I’m starting to see what I haven’t seen before: my ego acting throughout the day and trying to re-affirm its position, superiority, selfishness, etc. Consequently, this increases my discrimination, and I can abide as I AM way easier during Parvastha. So, doing Parvastha increases your power of awareness during the day against ego tricks etc, which in turn helps you do Parvastha better. It’s great.

Each one of us here on Earth is an Individualized Manifestation of the Very Source of All That Is! God is nothing but the Very Consciousness that pervades the entire Universe!! Your soul script or what all you will go through and what you will become is more or less decided before you are born, though many things are flexible and can be changed to a considerable extent based on the choices you make and the choices that others around you will make in your current life. Your soul script for the current life is decided by the sum total of experiences that you have had in your previous lives (Karma) and the new lessons that your soul would want to go through in order to achieve a state of balance. All souls are placed in families( often groups of souls reborn as one family in multiple lifetimes)/environment that supports the experiences required and lessons to be learnt in that life time. All souls reincarnate until they learn these lessons to integrate all aspects of their consciousness and achieve balance. Once a certain threshold is reached, there is no need to incarnate again except some souls (known among Buddhists as Bodhidatva) who delay their Nirvana and reincarnate / stay back in Earth plane to help other souls. Souls that reach 51% STO (Service to Other) Orientation where 51% thoughts/action are in service to fellow souls can then move on to STO 4D/5D Light Polarized/angelic races in their next life or after the incoming Solar Flash/Harvest/Rapture Event. Souls that reach 95% STS (Service to Self) Orientation where 95% thoughts /action are selfish to serve one's own needs and desires over others move on to STS 4D/5D Dark Polarized/demonic races in their next life. Souls that meet neither criteria keep repeating their lessons in current and future lives until they meet one of the above criteria.The Real Purpose of Our Lives is to Have Blissful, Fulfilling, Enriching and Transformative Experiences. Our Soul Spirit needs these experiences and we keep reincarnating again and again until we have learnt all our lessons across the entire spectrum of experiences. As long as we don't learn our lessons and keep repeating the same mistakes, we will keep going through the same experiences. Then, once the state of contentment is achieved across the entire spectrum of consciousness including Light/Dark/ Masculine(Solar)/Faminine(Lunar)/ Left Path/Right Path/ Collective/Individual/ Material & Spiritual perspectives, the soul spirit will have a choice of either achieving Nirvana (Dis-individualization and merging back with Source/Universal Godhead) or to take Greater responsibility and move on to newer experiences in higher realms / dimensions / universes. Hence, Everyday, Learn to Live it King Size, stop living it pint size as it comes. Develop a Zest for Life and start creating opportunities for yourself. Take ownership and stop blaming God, rather be thankful to God for granting you this infinite Gift of Human Life. It doesn't matter in what context you are born, in what family and settings you have grown up, know that this is how it was intended to be to enable you to have the required experience that your Soul seeks. In the process, different souls choose different paths, some choose dark/ service to self/ left hand path while other choose light/ service to others/ right hand path. There is no need to feel guilty about your past or present no matter what your background is because all will eventually merge and become One. Always remember that the potential for the Greatest Good and the Greatest God is Already present in each one of Us, All we need to do is to unravel ourselves to the inner most core to uncover the true nature of our own reality that has the Highest Purity, the Greatest and the Mightiest Power of God within it. Realize that each of our lives is invaluable and highly coveted, know that extra-terrestrials from far off stars desperately seek a human incarnation on Earth because this is where lessons are learnt. Earth is meant to be a spirit school for evolving souls. And it is the most important such 'school' in the Milky Way Galaxy. It is our planet that offers an environment for super fast learning and expedited evolution unlike anywhere else in the entire galaxy. The real evolution is that of the spirit and not the flesh, as our souls learn their lessons, the next birth may be in a more advanced body form in a different dimension commensurate with the settings needed for inculcating the next set of lessons on the souls incredible journey back to Godhead. There are multiple parallel realities / timelines where this has already taken place and in different ways. Ours is a highly positive timeline where there will be no dooms day or destructive armageddon, rather, Humanity shall indeed inherit the Earth. We all have few more years to learn our remaining spiritual lessons and find out for ourselves our fundamental nature whether we are service to others or only self which will determine which path our soul charts in the coming future. The absolute truth is that the One Godhead (Paramatma - Father/Mother) divided itself into infinite souls (Jeevatmas - Sons/Daughters) so it could have infinite different experiences in infinite different ways. We are All Children of GOD, EACH ONE OF US !! Life in this Universe is an endless pursuit of SAT-CHID-ANANDA. Sat (TRUTH) - Chid (CONSCIOUSNESS/WISDOM) and Ananda (BLISS/JOY/HAPPINESS). Everything is Science, Everything is Energy, Everything is God. There is no contradiction ! What matters is to imbibe the Truth and accept your current state objectively and in a balanced manner. This way, we will be able to further advance the real purpose of our lives by contributing to the greater cause in whichever way we can and thus also serve the group consciousness (our soul families) in the most efficient manner. I searched for God everywhere, I only found myself ! I searched for myself in everyone, I only found God !! Let the Light Shine within you. All the Very Best..