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  1. @thisintegrated Nah Leo is INTP af bro wtf you mean. Alright, just playing, I know what you mean. In more recent times he appears far more stern and rigid. But if you traced the timeline of Leo though, and looked at all his videos and posts throughout the years, you'd see he's very broad in his scope. He goes from topic to topic, domain to domain, trying to connect the dots. His divergence and scope of thinking is very good. I'm an INTP too. But we don't always appear as our baseline types and biology, we have shadows as well, and changes in ourselves when we're in stress. If an INTP enters the shadow zone, they can pull out their ENTJ unconscious. I found the ENTJ in me years ago. But it goes deeper than that. If you dig into your demon function (Fi for intp), you can undergo a demonic transformation/ possession, and find your most unconscious aspects, connected to the collective unconscious. In that extreme case, an INTP would find their ISFP demon. And I most certainly found that demon from extreme stress. It's not healthy to let your unconscious or super ego personas dominate however. -- People have multiple sides to them, with ambiguity which can't be eliminated in the autism of mbti. Mbti is a retarded language game in truth, and if it gets popular, it becomes a stupid ass game of "self-awareness". An identity parasite, and identity becomes this commodity people engage in power games over. There are many stupid games of self-awareness out there (And through this "self-awareness", people pretend to be insightful and reflective, and what emerges is this false multispectivalism, where everyone just refers to their identity constantly and says 0 actual things) I'm in an online friendship circle where people know about mbti, and would you believe the types they were labelling me as! I had one guy call me ISFP because I was always in my feelings (he was trolling me though), I had another person call me INTJ, and then that same person calls me ESTP later down the line. -- If one does wish to do mbti however, I believe the only way it makes sense is to look at someone's baseline/neutral chatacter as how they were when they were a teen or young adult. This would be the starting soil as it were, from which changes then started to happen later.
  2. @Someone here If you've "awakened to solipsism" why have you got a gay ass alien hippie pfp, SCREAMING, I'm a basic ass bitch, looking for a group to join
  3. As beliefs get more and more decoupled from reality, we might imagine the value of beliefs to be found in negating other beliefs. And the more beliefs they negate, the more they transpose themselves upon a singularity of some reality (A possible reality, or an alleged reality) The people on this forum for example are mainly adopting beliefs for the sake of negating materialism
  4. Wednesday 11/05/2022 07:14 Some things left for me to do tomorrow maybe -set up email -bitcoin wallet and mixer This has been a gruelling, hellish, slog-fest, and I want this work to be over already over. There is no one I can share how I feel nowadays to, I'm past the point of venting now. Everyone around me looks like a sociopath, for many a people have had the parasite infect them. Heavens and earth torn asunder, like the sun and moon. So too has the heart divorced itself from me. What machinations are running through your mind, oh great abyssal tornado of vanity? A black which contains the possibility of darker then black, an abyss which strives for its own perfection. (And to you, ___, my beloved, do you know why it was that I was talking to you in the past tense, all those months ago in September?) I know who my real loved ones are, my family and friends who have been there for me the entire time. [I have no loyalties to any of you on this forum, yall are bitch-made faggots, no real ones here. A bunch of pussies, honestly.] And it is ultimately for my family that I weep, and apologise in infinity to. And what does my heart think? I feel as though this is my path to peace. Factors and cursed entities beyond my control have sealed my heart. My whale hunting odyssey is over, and so in shoreless space I wait to fade away. "You asked, We chose". I resent this world, a lot, beyond a reasonable a doubt. Both in principal and in anecdote. With gusto and brute force I tried to defy it, but alas, my heart is filled with sorrow and can't carry on. Maybe some day an anointed one, a "child of evil", will finish the job. But I am not the messiah, I am not the chosen one. I've had enough of this bloodshed, and so I'll remain a pacifist until I reach home again, and find peace in my release from this world with it's various evils. If there's one thing I'm glad about, is that I'll at least be alive for the next Kendrick Lamar album to come out. I'll ride and die for my niggers.
  5. Good post @T_i_m, I love that piece too and was about to post it @puporing Howl's moving castle OST is amazing
  6. Yeah so for me, there was the hell and abyss of seeing that no "true self" existed at all, that there was no "core" to the onion layers. It feels more technically accurate to describe things as just being made up of "fields", and the self is being generated in the moment. Something like Mark Twain's book The Mysterious Stranger describes it well.
  7. @Matthew85 A problem I have with a consciousness-first model of reality is that a God Of The Gaps dynamics emerges. "God of the gaps" is when we ascribe the supernatural to holes in scientific knowledge, and then when scientific knowledge fills those holes the supernatural is removed. Take this idea of the God Of The Gaps see how it might apply to death. Right now, millions of people believe in an afterlife or believe in re-incarnation. But suppose we had a technology to revive a dead person millions of years later [cryogenics, or you can imagine a teleporter which disintegrates a being then reconstructs their exact quantum state]. If someone believes in the existence of souls, and that they re-incarnate after death, where was that soul gone for the past million years before the person was revived? Did the universe just magically know beforehand that this person would be revived later, and didn't re-incarnate their soul? No, that would be stupid to suppose. Anyway, the reason I'm rambling about God Of The Gaps is because I got reminded of it in relation to consciousness being rendered. Leo himself believes in the importance in states of consciousness, and that psychedelics impact your brain to impact your consciousness. Take the idea that the brain is physical instrument to the extreme (i.e. fill in all the gaps), and it's a bit whacky to hold this concept in mind that everything is consciousness first (because of having written down the physics for the brain which correlates to consciousness). -- Now talking for me experientially though. Synchronicities are everywhere, spiritual spooky stuff is everywhere, and it's bizarre af. When it rains it pours; once reality has broken it doesn't fix back again. After you have the initial breaking of reality, where you see that everything is a dream and you freak out about solipsism, you can't undo it. It would be like dissolving sugar in water and then trying to extract all the sugar back again into a cube.
  8. "Suicide and Attempted Suicide: Methods and Consequences" by Geo Stone https://b-ok.cc/book/947188/2871ec Denial gets nowhere. My starting point is to honestly admit that I don't want to die. But despite the fact I don't want to die, I may commit suicide anyway. That's the extent of my personal feelings, and to say anymore would be fluff. With that out of the way, some notes Part I —As far as statistics go, there is much data which falls into three different categories: sociology, psychiatric + psychological and biological - Sociological tells very little about any given individual, but I disagree with this slightly. People can be the product of economic factors, and these factors are impersonal in their descriptions. - Hopelessness about the future is a great predictor of suicide, as opposed to depression - Adoption data supports biological basis of suicide due to prevalence of suicide in biological relatives being a stronger correlative factor than suicide in adoptive relatives {one would have to question what sort of suicidal folks are carrying out adoptions, but nonetheless} —Although only 1% of suicide survivors successfully kill themselves within one year, it is still a fact that about half of the people who make a suicide attempt will attempt another one (at some point in time). e.g. A Swedish study with a 35 year follow up found that 10.9% ultimately died of suicide Part II —Drug/chemical/poison suicides have a success rate between 1.2 to 11.4%. -People are often unaware what a lethal or safe dose is, and neither is there a guaranteed safe dose or guaranteed lethal dose due to biological individuality. -Another con is that they are very painful sometimes, and that some may cause permanent damage if survived {although I see this being the case much more with hanging and other methods. The damage after is a non-factor or heavily depends on the method chosen} -It will therefore be highly dependent on the exact poison or drug used —Hanging; con is possible brain damage if interrupted -another minor con is appearance of the corpse afterwards —Hyperthermia is a method, but it's uncommon, and seems very hard to pull off. -It can cause brain damage or severe injury if failed?{"The neurological injury may manifest in several ways, including cognitive dysfunction, agitation, seizures, unsteadiness, or disturbance of consciousness from lethargy to coma""} —Jumping; Jumps from over 150 feet on land or 250 feet over water are almost always fatal. -However, if you do less than that the rate of success is variable. Permanent injuries, paralysis, amputations, etc. -I am almost certainly not going to do this method ————— In conclusion? The best way to go out would be an (accidental in some cases) OD when fucking around with drugs, in my opinion. My choices are between hanging and drugs/poisons. Poisons/drugs are my most preferable route to take. This would be the best way to go out, but there are a few problems. Sourcing poisons is extremely difficult, sourcing drugs is extremely difficult, and illegal. If worst truly came to worst, I could see myself doing a hanging to get the job done of a suicide. That or some other bullshit in the vicinity of asphyxia. Pulling off hypothermia seems tricky; you'd have to be in the right area, take a massive swig of alcohol, and pray you get lucky to scrape a death after several hours. And then you might have heart or brain complications, (probs short term), in the event you fail. --- Research ain't over, suicide squad still going strong. So many potential options to choose from, but the number of viable ones are fewer
  9. Sunday 08/05/2022 10:35 I had a dream that I was able to do math again. I was sent back in time to do A-Levels at the same time my younger older sister was doing them, and I was with my business-economics teacher (nice lady) but instead they were teaching calculus in complex analysis. In my dream, a time loop of the math lesson was played over a few times, because each time the amount that I learned was unsatisfactory to what I wanted. Symbolic of my OCD. I was confused about neighbourhoods/balls in the complex plane for defining differentiation. Some sort of nuance with the ∃ symbol which I was trying to understand. When I woke up, tried to think about math again, I was hit by the same off-feelings and I figured out again why I can't do math anymore at all, despite being able to do it all the time before. Whenever I did math, it feels like I trap my brain in a box of delusion, walling me in in my prison. It was as though I was using a paper mache to contain my mind, however, it is raining. The scaffolding inevitably dissolved and expired. The genie is out of the bottle, and I cannot undo the entropy. I used math to deny my breakdown, and it was the comfy mental space of lies I was in. The very false civility, restraint imposed on myself. Imaginary matrixes being my actual reality, still being my reality. Being restrained and imposed upon myself like that, I never enjoyed that, and the feeling amplified and never went away. The dissatisfaction became louder and louder until it exploded. So that's the cause and effect, the truth of the situation. Can't turn to the past, but am too scared to do anything else. And now I feel like a child again. All the characters in Lord of The Flies were kids, dots are connecting. -- A true self doesn't exist, there is no true self. It's like an infinitesimal element rotating in a field. 18:36 Anyway. I keep getting distracted when I'm supposed to be focused on setting up stuff and that's pretty annoying. +1 01:08 I'm sleepy, and getting my closed eye hallucinations as I drift off to sleep
  10. Friday 05/05/2022 +1 01:31 Came across this link when scrolling through reddit https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21082452/ It's counterintuitive that lower neuroticism means higher likelihood of completing suicide, but it makes sense. Neuroticism will mean you're uncertain in yourself to do commit to a scary decision, whereas agreeableness means you're easily swayed by the opinions of people around you who tell you to not do it. I'm just trying to source my shit but it's proving extremely tiresome and long winded. This is torture. Tor decides it just doesn't want to load any pages for me today, and yesterday my dumb ass couldn't even figure out how to get javascript to work on it. I'm trying again today, this is so dumb. And just like that an hour magically disappears. The classic "have you tried turning it off and on again?" isn't working, uninstall re-install, no luck. ONLY WITH THE FREEDOM TO TERMINATE, OR THE FREEDOM TO IMAGINE NEW WORLDS WITH SELF-DOUBT CAN HELP US UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF THE GODS. ANYTHING LESS IS ENSLAVEMENT THEREFORE, sup niggers. sup niggers. nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger nîgger SOMEONE KILL ME, AND SEND ME TO YOUR SHITTY FANFICTION HELL, I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MEDIOCRE EVILS WHO REFUSE TO EVEN KILL ME. FREEDOM OR DEATH, THAT'S MY ULTIMATUM, FAGG0T ASS NIGGERS. Final prayer set in stone, unsaid word becoming vow in stone, tied to my very life string. None of that spiritnigger shit matters for this. Heaven, hell, none of it is real. Therefore, I don't care, and even if it did exist, I still wouldn't. Both heaven and hell can be destroyed for all I care, both are equally intolerable. I'm just forced to wait in this clownworld until javascript decides it wants to work, I source my poisons, or I stop being a pussy and get my act together and organised enough to follow through on something simple like hanging. If sodium nitrite is that hard to find, then something like cyanide, or the rope will do just fine. The allure of heaven and the threat of hell are irrelevant. Anything less is slavery THE WORLD IS A VAMPIRE SENT TO DRAIAIAIAIAIIIIINN SECRET DESTROYERS HOLD YOU UP TO FLAMES AND WHAT DO I GET FOR MY PAIAIAIAIIINNNN BETRAYED DESIRES AND A PIECE OF GAME EVEN THOUGH I KNOW I SUPPOSE I'LL SHOW ALL MY COOL AND COLD LIKE OLD JOB DESPITE ALL MY RAGE I AM STILL JUST A RAT IN A CAGE AND SOMEONE WILL SAY WHAT IS LOST CAN NEVER BE SAVED Ecclesiastes 1:14 I HAVE SEEN ALL THE WORKS THAT HAVE BEEN DONE UNDER THE SUN, AND LO, ALL IS VANITY AND A STRIVING AFTER THE WIND -- Guess I'll be waging war against the vanity god in my next life. That, or hunting the leviathan. Slaughtering Jehovah would be a decent side quest, but he's peripheral baby level shit.
  11. @MrTouchdown read the first link I posted in your other thread, non-existence and nothingness are the same thing. It's up to you to decide or figure out what you think "exist" means. It's a primary word or thing of which there is no other likeness to compare it to since existence is seemingly all there is. I could maybe say "exist" means "to be" but that's just more descriptions. It could mean "X is so" or "X is true" People can equate "truth" with "what exists". "A is true" also means "A is so", "A exists". It's in the domain of common sense to most people, what exist means. So you're questioning that common sense? If you're questioning that common sense, you must have more thoughts to say on the matter or some confusion/not-knowing which can be more precisely articulated
  12. @MrTouchdown I've thought a bit about non-existence recently. I basically equate nothingness and non-existence, in what I was doing here. I basically feel myself to be in some boundary between existence and non-existence, and tortured for it -- There's also this interesting quote I came across saying that evil is neither a being nor a good (relation to "non-existence") "evil doesn't exist, but it's precisely its nonexistence that makes it evil" A very interesting idea for evil, I can tell something's there (,as it fuses with my lucid dream thoughts and unconscious thoughts about black holes) But on personal level, I just think this world is evil in nature intrinsically (and I made the mistake of internalising that evil) https://nobulart.com/the-ai-vampire/ https://nobulart.com/the-parasitic-infection/ -- One thing you might intuitively consider then maybe is "actual things" vs "virtual/non-existent things", if say you wanted to navigate the world and found some things to be more real and truthful than other things. Virtual entities being phantoms and illusions which are empty.
  13. Monday 02/05/2022 22:58 I read through people's journals, read the things people write online in conversations, and get shocked slightly by the level of self-narration. I remember my sister, she's quite the "reflective type" but I believe there have been turning points for her where she doesn't dither so much or invests energy into self-narration. Anyway. Nothing to do right now, just existing (in this depression),
  14. @Someone here If we take on the surface level of becoming a member of some religion. Pascal's wager is dumb in that I myself could invent a religion which states that disbelief means you go to hell, and it's on an equal playing field as every other religion in this skewed probability analysis. You have multiple religions all saying that disbelief means hell, and you have many competing religions to pick from. Choose wrong and you go to hell. There exist an infinite number of hypothetical religions, so it's stupid to do probability in this way. If we accept Pascal's wager as even being a correct framing, I could argue there's like only a 0.00000000...1%, dx%, chance that the religion you believe in will save you from hell. Look at it another way, Pascal's Wager might be something about trying to live your life as if there's an afterlife or a "future" beyond your current life. But that's not limited to Pascal's Wager at all. (Also dude, how do you make so many good thought provoking threads one day, and then the next day post this shit which is like one step forward two steps back) Though. I've kind of been framing life and existence as a gamble recently, just not in those terms. Life is a gamble in that it can turn out absolutely shit or turn out "good", animals in nature having a large number of offspring because they know a certain percentage will be doomed to fail. We "gamble" in life in deciding what's a worthwhile pursuit or what will give a worthwhile reward. Sometimes we invest in things with no knowledge anything will be yielded or come of it, which is why I think life is a shitty gamble. "True gambling" is when you go all in with your being and soul on the line. Choosing to set yourself on fire, versus slowly decay. But I'm tired of this gambling shit now, you burn out from it.
  15. A meta-contrast theory of reality Once you die, you'll be in a state of non-existence where there is no time, and neither is there the experience of a black screen. Since being a black-screen is still a conscious experience. In the total absence of experience "what would happen next?". I would suppose that in that total stasis, the only contrast to that nothingness would be experience again, maybe as another fleeting blip or as another type of existence . When in non-existence, we could say there are two possibilities. Either non-existence just "remains", or a contrast from non-existence will happen. If we suppose that there exists a situation where the contrast "doesn't happen" (I.e. death is final), that's not a situation at all or experience at all. Therefore the only thing that can happen is a contrast, and something will happen. Which would imply that after your death, you would end up dreaming something else as a contrast. We can reduce the question of what happens "after" your death to the question of whether a contrast will happen or not. But since the situation of non-contrast isn't a situation at all, I'm suggesting that the only thing which can happen is contrast. -- "The Big Bang" can similarly be thought of as a contrast to nothingness that happened (as "contrast" is the only possible situation) We could make a meta-contrast theory of reality. By this theory, there exist an arbitrarily infinite number of (contrasts to nothingness)/universes. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Notes: No distinction or postulation is made about the nature of the contrasts, that they are following some law or sense, or that they are contained in any way. In a sense, this is absolute infinity. The most mathematically unconstrained infinity you can think of is represented by "arbitrariness". Arbitrariness is the key feature here. Whether the "The Big Bang", as a physical event that physicists are postulating as the start of our universe, is true or not, is besides the point. The Big Bang is merely a cosmological story of creation we have, and this theory of contrasts includes that. Another thing to note is that the question of "how is there something rather than nothing" is answered by an argument which is saying "it's the only thing which is possible". By saying a contrast is the only thing which can happen, since non-contrast isn't a thing which can happen, etc etc -- Despite the argument given, I still have no reason to think non-existence or nothingness isn't possible. Even if there is a something going on here right now, it is completely valid to say there is a nothing going on in the background here. If you say there isn't a nothing going on the background here, you'd have to posit some quality about nothingness which isn't present. But nothingness is the exact thing and term for a thing which has no quality which can be negated