lmfao

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  1. Now after that come the psychic hijackings which steal energy and attention of time. I think they bring about a great distrust in the mind by using it a lot , and there's nothing I can do about this entire thing. The linear can be, should be, picked just like that as you want, and I'm slightly worried about this psychic entanglement I cannot comprehend. From this POV, jrix looks like some sort of angel capable of sending me into altered states unintentionally or simply through passing by. It was good idea that he blocked me? The resonance is way too fucking high and is utterly illogical. The mind expands in it's portion over my experience, yet distress remains, just of different variety. Bubbles, everything feels like bubbles popping BUT THE MIND IS SUPERPOWERED AND IS JUST A POWERFUL MIND, BUT IT'S MIND NONETHELESS. WHAT LIES BEYOND THIS IS THE REAL QUESTION, AND WHY IS THE """""LUCIFERIC""""" COMPLETELY ODD LIKE THIS? Brush aside your schizophrenia and ask this; why is one man so entangled into this, how did he reach such a position where his mere digital presence triggers it? WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THIS STATE? IT WHIRLS AND SWIRLS. See, the paranoia territory, it was a brilliant idea after all that he blocked me over 3 weeks ago. Inflated mind. But I have to face this or formulate it or navigate it. When you're in this space, you simply have to learn to ignore your intuitions and feelings, the double backtracks that you do as well. That's the way to do it, and you simply do it like that? Simplify it, it's OCD energy which you're facing
  2. @Axiomatic Good : ) , Fear is the meaning of my life currently. Maybe yours too, maybe watch psycho pass or my hero academia
  3. Wondering what truth is or reality is enough, doing a lot of contemplation, the mind ends up being seen differently maybe. I can't formulate something like "what is truth" if the mind is not being attached to. I don't understand anything and cry instead, seeped in the nihilisms and solipsisms. What annoys me with the solipsism is seeing that I can't experience or be another person, and I can't let go my attachment or love for certain people, .... Anyway as this really is makes no sense, that's all I live in right now. Perception which makes no sense, and I venture out into the world now and then every other day yet I retreat back to this, not before going out again.
  4. @Leo Gura Does practicing "letting go" make someone weaker? There's a counterexample which would answer this question with no, and I'm maybe a bit of an idiot for not seeing it, overall though I'm not sure. Not sure whether it would help me (lol) or make things better. But I want to see what you say
  5. Triggered by my own doormat-ness and other stuff, can I surrender my own insecurity about this is the question. This route of thinking will only lead me to be very judgemental and narrow minded towards those that don't deserve it. Sigh. It's a shit situation, but it is what it is, and to some extent it's my perspective. What am I supposed to do then, without crutch or pain pill in sight? I know one thing I don't want to do, because that's a shit conditioning and addiction of mine. MORE CRUELTY FARMING, IT'S FARMING ME FOR MORE CRUELTY, FUCK OFF PLEASE. Actually nvm, doesn't matter, fake concern, lmao Try the opposite approach fully then, boundless anger and reactivity
  6. I bookmark all of Leo's pick-up posts hahahahhahahahah nothing else at all lmao Can't forget about heavy metals though and plugging
  7. @Endangered-EGO Bingo you've got something there, I don't describe it as getting enlightened either. You know, with lack of suffering people have comfortable dreamstate, it's probably only because that crumbles that anything happens tbh. I went meditating with the intention to transcend the physical plane of reality, instead I'll be flooded with "animal impulses". So that happened, spiralling down and down, lower and lower. Burning hot with fire, but I see the horizon
  8. @charlie cho Social anxiety makes me block my expression sometimes, and whilst I'm introverted, I'm sometimes extroverted but that gets blocked by anxiety or feeling low I occasionally vent to friends. The other day I was talking to a friend about something that bothered me, both of us to a degree, but I waiting out the impulse to bitch in particular manner which didn't feel nice. There's a way I used to vent to my sister with, but I have no tolerance, it's unpleasant -- You're an mbti nerd right? Alright so I was basically always an INTP, just a regular paki nerd. My psyche got so plunged into shadow, strong emotions, existential despair, that my personality changed. There are shadow stacks, my Fi in abrupt consciousness, the demon/transformation function
  9. Sinking and sinking, ball after ball. Prior to thinking happening (blah blah _______). Echoes of anger struggling for recognition and expression, in conflict with my attention which seek further awareness through patience. Alimonies and ecclesiastical ceremonies are garbage mmmnnhhnhhjhjhjjujjjjjjjjhj mmjnhhghhhhmmmjhn throw a suicide party and I'm guaranteed to fucking snap, it's evilsonic, it's pornoholic. Breakdowns obscenities is all I wanna be. IF YOU'RE 555 I'M 666, WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A HERETIC. I'm thisssssss close to snapping I swear to fucking christ Ethan I'll turn this car around if you don't shut up. mmmmmmhhhhhhhh.
  10. Bro, it's an okay anime but it's just that. It's FINE, just fine and exactly fine. The characters were really retarded and 1 dimensional at the start, they got better later on, My Villain Academia slaps but the manga readers murmur it was adapted shitly. Making it your favourite anime means you're missing out on a lot man. Deku is a punchable crybaby but he's better now. The series is gay as fuck dude even if it's decent. Zoom Zoom(ers) 🏎 Team Bakugo for life, fuck that nîgger deku up. I wish I was in a more hyped up mood to discuss it, but Shigaraki's liberation into himself, absolutely beautiful. MVA babyyyy.
  11. Regardless of what you tell people they can apparently have discord or not have discord, so this is moot to me Well lets see about that
  12. The past few days I've reflected a bit on the warping of my perception which can happen through discord and technology use. What it actually happens through is insularity. Insularity could be constructed of various materials as far as I know, the boundaries of my vision and perception are such, but if it has a singular essence I'd like to know. Habits, seem to be, what's the word.... Imaginary? Empty? The word imaginary shouldn't be conflated with God here, I hardly know what I meant by the word. Empty is more on point.
  13. I'm in this fucked up story of supposedly trying to free myself or "reach truth", but that seems so fake in the light of the fact that I'm going nowhere. There's nowhere I'm going with this and so...?¿¿ Whatever phenomena Jed's made a living off of focusing on and writing about, I'm supposedly going through, but again and I don't why or what the point is. I hated everyone and everything, and im this place and there's only going """"""""""""forward"""""""""""" apparently, yet there's nowhere to go forward to and I don't truly know what or why anything is. I've irreparably lost certain things and to no avail, this journey has gone on for way too long and I'm just exhausted and tired, and it's pure lunacy for no reason. I miss being human probably right now, and I keep wishing and wishing to go back but it I can't and it's sad. This shit is just going on for way too long now and I've had it. Yesterday I was bathing in my own shame, now I feel empty in a different way and it's annoying. I felt ecstatic joy a couple of times a few weeks ago but that's passed and it is what it is. So yeah that's what's up, my perceptual systems are frayed as fuck btw. I've lost my mind already and have gone mad, so not sure what I'm doing there really. Even if enlightenment was supposedly real which it's not, whatever my goal or whatever, why would there be any guarantee that my dissociations and self heals? There isn't at all, a lot is just gone now. Why would I think that my perception or functioning systems in the world will correct? They absolutely won't from this at all. Pure delusion and fuckery for no purpose outside of itself than to just be fuckery and torement itself. It was maybe over 2 months ago that I sowed the seed "No belief is true" which stuck as some sort of personal mantra, but I've forgotten it consciously and I remember it now, but all it does is push me to these weird semi-manic silent states of empty nothing, no satisfaction from that at all. Anyway this rambling now feels loathsome and demeaning, but demeaning of who or what is beyond my scope of comprehension and faculty of vision. It's all fine I guess. I'm not Ahab, and if I ever relax a little and decide to take it easy that will become thing if I do it maybe. But what vehemently opposes me saying that though is a large pool of belief I had/have about the world being cruel and savage, that I'll be ripped apart if I lack strength. Yes, my obsession was that and has been that. An obsession with strength, an obsession with not being weak, a despair over having no control over the world, lamenting my own position as a hunk of dirt subject to humiliation. Feelings of unjust violation and subjugation in a cursed world. Whilst such a matrix looks slightly silly to me in this moment, I'm no happy or gleeful or optimistic place at all to enjoy life, in fact I'm extremely pessimistic and empty. And I'm still in the clutches of tentacles despising my humiliation and shame But what's my way out now? For months I've carried this rage, harvested it, had it consume me and possess me. I just don't know what progress or goal I have anymore, everything blurred and bleeding into each other in a goo of blah. A true spiral and descent to madness, it's possible that I just turn around like a chicken with nothing to show for it, trying to crawl myself back in the world steadily. But in that case I might end up wanting to kill myself whilst feeling exactly the same, and this process would begin again, so who knows really. So if any of you reading this are real, come, fight me. I'll beat you easily. HEREIN IS A FAIR PLAY RESIDING OVER ALL CREATION, it is so, it is fair, lmao
  14. @Blackhawk Do you feel heat and fire in your body? My body overheats all the time. If the fire is too intense, I might become more dissociated and unable to function due to stressed/edgy perception. Reactive. Hell, my acid reflux keeps acting up as well lmao. Honestly I'm kind of inviting the fire and am glad for it. I want to be able to control it and calm it, BUT, I ultimately am choosing the fire. Maybe it's about letting the process do it's thing. I've had some contentions with this "letting go" talk before about encouraging passivity when you apply the concept as that and try the technique, but yeah So idk man. At times like these I feel at peace despite the hardship. Until I start worrying about something lmao If you take up a spiritual practice, don't be a dumb nig*** about it and think for yourself. The way I see it, it doesn't matter if I'm peaceful or agigated, they are just temporary states and thoughts and something something. So you ever find yourself feeling at peace, don't rest your seeking even then