Rilles

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  1. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 I am SPOILED. I hate when people call me that. Is it true? Lets see. I am spoiled by society. Society gives me anything I want. All the food is packaged and ready in the store, I dont have to toil like the peasants did for 5000 years before me. The buses and trains take me everywhere, I dont have to walk or ride a horse, a warm thank you to all the cranky busdrivers that have such a terribly boring job, you guys and girls are all amazing. I have education, atleast a decent one, for free, I can write and read, Isnt that amazing? What would life be like if you couldnt read? something to ponder... Thank you to all my teachers who got up every morning even when they sometimes didnt want to, through thick and thin, through sleet and snow. Everything around me is someones work, it didnt pop into existence out of nothing, the water in my pipes, the heat in my house... yeah were all pretty much spoiled and we dont even think about it... ever. A good exercise is to realize that about every object you pick up. Spoiled by my family. My father works all night, Its a tough job, horrible for the body, without him I wouldnt have a house, he has sacrificed his health for the family. My mother cleans and washes my clothes still... I can do it by myself but she wants to do all it together so we dont have to do it twice... either way its really sweet. She has paid for thousands of things when I didnt have the money to My family has never forced me to get a job, maybe they should have... Eitherway I have had the time to become a great musician because of all time I spent practicing in my always free time. Spoiled by nature. The worms are in the dirt are growing my food The bees are pollinating my fruit. The trees are giving me oxygen. The birds are transporting nutrients everywhere and then shitting it out to grow new stuff. Spoiled by my body. My blood rushes. My lungs breathe. My heart beats. My thoughts think. My stomach digests. My hair grows. My wounds heal. My antibodies keep me healthy. My chemicals keep my happy. Whats my part in all this again? Oh... 10 minutes of eating... thanks body... love ya. There are infinite chains that keep me here... would take forever to count them all. Start today. Im incredibly privileged or spoiled or whatchamacallit... It is good to be privileged. The privileged are the ones who can help the less fortunate I cant donate money to the poor if I dont have any. Its easier to focus on the spiritual work I cant focus on meditation when I have to work 16 hrs a day in a sweatshop. The higher ups are there to help the ones further down the ladder. Cant help where I was born but I can do something with it... or not, it doesnt really matter what I do, the only one choosing to be judged is ME. Im very spoiled, thats okay, privilege is good, I cant help what a little baby I am, but arent we all? Were all sucking on the teets of society, whining when we dont get our way, thats okay, were mother earths babies after all, she loves us.
  2. Interesting insight on the bus Right before I get on the bus I usually amp myself up and get anxious, my senses all focus on what people are thinking of me... What occured to me is how much I exaggerate this... How do I actually know that anyone cares what I do, say or look like? Do I have any evidence for that? What struck me when I looked around is that everyone is in their own little world, just like me, Im not bothering anyone, they are just sitting there... Minding their business. Imagine if youre sitting next to a dog and thought ”What is he thinking? Does he like me? What if he runs away? Oh no, should I pet him?” You would think that would be kind of silly, thats what I realized I am like... Very freeing to realize that I dont have to amp myself up so much, people care but not as much as I would like to think, alot less actually.
  3. How To Make Tantric Love - Part 1
  4. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
  5. Pure moralization. The universe doesnt care what you do. If it did why would it cause hurricanes and tsunamis where hundreds of thousands die. If anything... the universe gives you the opportunity to kill yourself because it loves you ”If it ever gets too rough you can hold on or let go, your choice”
  6. Wow thats some solid advice, you should do a conscious dating video in he future, but I guess you have too much on your plate hehe
  7. no words, feeling and emotion, dont ruin the moment with a cringy question
  8. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 I am BORING. I dont take girls out to clubs or bars, I dont even know where to go, I just tag along when I go out with someone. I dont know much about the extroverted life, I prefer to live a humble existence making music and learning about spirituality-psychology. Im not good at thinking up things to do, youll most likely hear me say “I dunno, you decide” Look... I just want to be with you, we dont have to “fancify” anything. I enjoy your presence. Im not good at small talk, I prefer going deep as soon as possible, so I sometimes end up mannequin-style when people mingle, I dont like a 5 min conversation that goes nowhere. Im not that entertaining. Im not that charismatic. Most of my jokes are accidental and on the spot, Im not the type of guy to make everyone gather around and tell them a long story. I just like to hang out and listen. Drop in every once in a while. Why do I have to play the role of the super fun charismatic gentleman? Whos gonna fill my role if not me? If everyone is a loudmouth then all you end up with is noise, you need a listener, an analyzer, like me. I try to be ultra creative with my music but I still feel like its dull and not exciting... What would happen if I just let it be... No need to try to impress... just let myself gently express, no bells and whistles. I used to wish... a long time ago... in my first year of high-school that I was that fun guy... The one with ultra-confidence marching around doing and saying whatever they wanted. Little did I know that they might feel the opposite... ”I just want to chill” ”I dont want to have to act out all the time” Maybe not getting attention was painful so they had keep up an act. I dont know its an interesting way of looking back at it. My teenage mind was very myopic, I didnt realize the many reasons why people might do things. Im quite boring. Thats fine. I dont need to impress people. I am me for a specific reason. Its okay to be boring.
  9. go down to the underworld and rescue your father bucko
  10. i meditated straight for 30 mins then i became tired and i went a little crooked...
  11. yeah asking others what they think is not gonna help you because everyone has different opionions, you need to learn to love yourself, build some solid values, some solid boundaries etc
  12. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 I am Disloyal talking shit about one friend with another I remember being a teenager, I used to skateboard alot, I had two different crews I hung out with, one was with friends and another was with friends 2 years younger than me. My other friends didnt like my younger friend, (lets call him Phil) dont ask my why, I think they were jealous that I was skateboarding all the time with him instead of hanging out with them, they didnt skate as much as I did, for me it was a burning passion, they were more interested in World of Warcraft. One time while hanging out with my ”not young” friends we were being real goofy and I dont know what lead up to this but I wrote ”Phil sucks dick” on my skateboard just for laughs... yeah... Anyway I didnt think much of it. One day while I was hanging out with Phil he saw something scribbled on my board, ”Whats that let me see what it says?” I had to tried to erase it a bit but it didnt really work ”Oh nothing” ”Phil...sucks...” ”Hey!...” He became really sad and didnt want to talk to me at all. Totally understandable, it was an asshole move and I only did it to win favor with some friends. He kept asking why I did it and tried to tell him it was a bad joke and I was sorry. Too late for that. I can be disloyal. If I have to win favor with someone and become their friend Id gladly gossip about someone else to win connection. Its been part of my family forever, we always talk behind my dads back, still to this day. Is it okay to be disloyal? Thats a value judgement. My ego wants to survive, sometimes I do real nasty things to socially stay above water. Im disloyal. Its a part of me. Im insecure. Disloyal->insecure->fear->socially anxious->no boundaries->pleasing people and losing myself to the extent of emotionally hurting someone else. Its a real mess when you gossip about one person and then you have to meet them. Emotionally my body knows instantly...Youve been talking shit, what are you gonna say now. Oh one time I almost cheated on my girlfriend but I only held another girls hand and I was drunk so... Lets just talk about that some other time. These 🦊 aint loyal.
  13. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 I am prejudiced against Christians ”I think they are pushy and theydont respect boundaries, they walk up to me and try to pray for me and I cant say no because then they will think Im a sinner or something...” ”I dont like that they are seeking spiritual ecstasy, falling down, rolling on the floor and claiming it to be their own truth and the only truth.” Scientists and rationalists (Leo has kind of brainwashed me into this one, I didnt dislike scientists before, that one is fully on me though, not Leo haha) ”All scientist buy into the same paradigms, they are hardnosed and cant be debated with kindly.” My own father. ”People in the forum that seem like know-it-all’s although I have never even met any of you... Sometimes I just feel like you talk alot of stuff but youre not very nuanced, everything cant be solved with self-inquiry, were all at different levels here.” Being prejudiced is quick and easy, I dont have to think too much, its painful to accept that people you dislike might not be so bad after all... Im prejudiced to keep myself safe from harm... ”A scientist might try to one-up or call me a woo-woo nutcase and I dont like that... painful.” ”A Christian might try to convert me...” ”A stranger might reject me when I start to feel like were having a good connection, its better to push them away in my mind before that.” Prejudice in another way I often believe I know what people are thinking Ex. ”Now theyre not responding to me because they dont want to talk to me” etc. etc. this ties in well with jealousy. I dont think I will ever get rid of prejudice 100% Its just thoughts coming up and I can be mindful of them while realizing that theyre not necessarily true, its when I believe my own prejudices that I get in trouble. I know the mind makes up stories so I can let it go more easily. If I see someone that dresses more snobby than me I might think he and I have nothing in common but Ive been wrong many times now... All I have to do is talk to the person for a few minutes and realize that what I made up in my mind wasnt true at all, it was just a mechanism to keep us separated. A good way to kill prejudice is to look into someones eyes, its impossible to not feel a persons soul when youre looking into his/her eyes, it melts you in a microsecond. Im pretty damn prejudiced. Thats ok. Its part of my survival as a human.