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@Alien i’m as clear as the air you think is sustaining your ‘life’.

@Alien there is no such thing as random. ?

@Alien I am fascinated by your choice in avatar name & your question on meditation. Blowin my mind bro. You’re already in the rabbit hole. Meditate to this video next time. Breath in that divine prana and breath out that bullshit. Just let it go right on through you. Don’t keep it by thinking.

@Alien Tis merely the Devil leaving your body

@Alien it sounds like you have just started meditating. These mood swings are great. Keep going, keep observing.

Entry 275 | Becoming Immersed Theory: When you first try and do something productive, it feels uncomfortable and unlikely that you will become comfortable. But it only takes a little persistence to push through and become immersed in the activity that you're doing. Applying it: Accept that no matter how uncomfortable or unnatural things may seem at first when you're striving towards change or improvement, you will eventually reach a state of immersion that feels gratifying. Even though I've been playing guitar for over 10 years, there are still some days when I pick up the instrument and it feels kinda alien and uncomfortable to begin with. On the surface level, it feels like you've taken a step backward in terms of improvement. But actually, it only takes that little bit of extra determination to transcend the initial discomforts. It happened for me today. I started playing a piece I've been practicing on and off for a few months and it felt difficult to make it sound good. But with more practice, it quickly returned to my fingertips. This kinda makes me think of self-actualization work. Yesterday and the day before, it felt like I had taken some steps back in terms of overall improvement. My diet, exercise routine, practice routine, and other good habits seemed to fall out of place here and there. But looking back, it seems like this was just psychological. In fact, things right now are pretty awesome. Sure they're not perfect, but there's no need to beat myself up about it. And even though going back to the gym feels like an uncomfortable thing to do, I know that the initial discomfort will go away with the practice. Practice is a really great thing. As a musician, it's the one form of work that never gets old. Every day, I practice something different. Even if it's the same piece day after day, there's always something different to look forward to each time and there's always the possibility to practice in different ways. Same with self-actualization. There are many different ways to approach meditation, exercise, healthy eating, studying and contemplation. It's good to have variety within something specific. But the bottom line is that it's not worth quitting something just because it feels uncomfortable at first. As a beginner, the discomfort is going to last a hell of a lot longer. And as someone who is no stranger to discomfort in my practice, I can confidently say that the endless joy and mind-blowing rewards will follow if you stay on the path long enough no matter what field of mastery you choose. Pick of the day:

@Alien ...true ... That holds its dangers... Heh... And if it was just religion it goes downhill with... Oh. There was something wrong with my initial thought I guess. The only reason to network for us would be teaching, guiding, inspiring, motivating... It would not be external change in the world since the change... Would be us. Within us externalized into our actions... Or non actions... There is a lot of power in NOT doing sometimes after all... It might probably not fit our time but NOT eating was quite effective for a Gandhi for example... ...Or what about that zen master Leo mentioned about the other day? If I could choose to not stand up and defend myself in the moment someone´s about to kill me and just feel like I can leave in this way without blinking an eye? (Sigh...) Difficult! Good night my alien friend

@Alien Oops... Maybe... But... Don´t you think this differs from religion in the way that there is no fixed rules or belief system to go with, no fixed stories, just practise and experience, it´s open and free.This differs in the sense that there is not one founder or bunch of founders people are taught by. Everyone listens to everyone and makes up their own mind. Everyone is truly a Budha and a Christ for themselves if you want so... ... Religion never pre mortemed itself. Religion does not consist of consciouss agents. Religion doesn´t make fun of hierarchy by giving people monkey and ape ranks... I could keep going...

@Alien Maybe it´s even possible, if enough people embark on this journey, to create a network of deep understanding seekers and big picture thinkers. Let´s say we really explore life and reality in widths and depths nobody ever did... If we live out creativity with at least not directly system dependent businesses... Away from the corruptions... Spread to all kinds of domains whilst helping others find their independence and pursue truth... Deep knowledge and wisdom of us and all those who follow... We could build some Jedi like community. haha... Maybe we could work parallel to the government?? Maybe we could change something. Give alternatives to people. Empower them to do so... to create independent thinking and acting. To spread consciousness after all... ...And to heal the planet. As a whole. What do I know what the plans are? I haven´t even finished my dreaming...

@Alien Dan’s got it, imo. The pain “makes me a believer”. Pain is the most convincing facet of the illusion. Careful not to identify with the body or the ego, and the experience of pain changes. When you see more of the illusion for what it is, you become more of what you really are. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IhP3J0j9JmY

These are my experiences with AL-LAD. Maybe someone will find it interesting to read or can give a feedback. Every opinion is much appreciated. First Ever 75mcg AL-LAD Trip I have taken half a tab of AL-LAD, feels good. I have grasped that ordinary is extraordinary and extraordinary is ordinary. I have partially grasped that God hides behind the Devil's mask. I was walking through the forest. AL-LAD boosts the contemplation process and reconnects you with your body nicely. This trip had hit me with body load the strongest of them all. My heart was aching for whole two days, I didn't experience it again on higher doses. What I can notice now after few more trips is that I like to go on walks after these. It's a recurring theme. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 225mcg I am not sure what to write here. I am so blown off, but not spiritualy, but like a normal human being. The best experience of my life for sure, but I haven't experienced much yet. SET&SETTING: 1.5 blotter AL-LAD (225mcg, probably less), home alone, music for a good start (Infected Mushroom ). Music gave me a structure to hold on and a sense of clarity. What came up first in my mind, and what I hold as a key insight of this trip, is that there are appearances and actual experiences. It's not the advertisement that's important, but the actual thing. Your imaginary vision of sex is nothing like a real thing at all. Same goes for psychedelics, you can't really know what it is until you try it. Everything flashes in your face and makes promises, but not everything delivers. Cut the shit that doesn't work, test new promising shit, optimze, repeat until you are no longer here. I have discovered a lot of femininity inside during this trip. I am not sure if it was, because I lack attention from girls in my everyday experience or because I am constantly repressing my feminine side. Probably both. Anyways, I have received a lot of love from cute pop-art girls. I was repeating to myself over and over again not to get lost in the beauty of it. Mushy, kushy, blushy, pooh pooh. Pure pleasure. I went down. Down to my private hell. I was scared at first, but decided to enter anyways. It was dissapointing. No fire, no devils. Everything was covered with ice. It couldn't be that way. Instantly, I have ignited everything, summoned devils, gave life to this place. Let there be a hell, so there can be a heaven. Everything can have a thousand of faces, just like the Devil, so don't trust appearances, see things for what they really are. See yourself for what you really are. I resonate with the idea of devilry and the Devil, but it's my caricatured, cartoon-like spin on it. Sometimes the bad side turns out to be a good one. I have experienced mild shift in perception and got how it feels. I was laughing at my self looking serious at me. Then I became a serious one and were looking at the laughing one. Back and forth. And simultaneously. Nothing really changes, but everything is different. I am actually amazed by visual part of the trip. It's nothing like what I have expected. It has this 80's vibe to it, very colorful with taste, not like all those psychedelics renders on the web. Smooth gradients, no contours, simple shapes. Sometimes vibrant, sometimes bland. Very clean and geometric, symmetric patterns. I came to conclusion that nothing is really symmetric, the mirror becomes the picture itself. All symmetry is groundless. Writing it all down feels stupid, but I decided to do it anyway. What I can articulate compared to the depth of thoughts I had is ridiculous. And I feel like it wasn't even that deep. Either it doesn't make sense to talk about these things or I need to work on my ability to conceptualize stuff. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 150mcg SET&SETTING: After school (15:30), knowing the next day lessons are at 8:00, one tab of AL-LAD (150mcg, untested) was ingested. Parents magically disappeared to do the shopping until 19:45. Empty stomach, one banana eaten during the trip, zero nausea. Eating fatty food and donout at the end of the trip resulted in feeling "tired" in the stomach. ACTUAL TRIP: Started off with music, then dropped it. Without it a lot of dreamy thoughts have appeared. These were resisted and trying to contemplate the substance of reality was choosen, although it didn't go smooth. The main conclusion is that there is no perciever and no perception, because there's no perciever, because there's no perception. Some emotional baggage realted to male-female relationships was brought up and mainly ignored. Advice was given to actually understand the situation. Mechanism behind the scenes did exactly what it was supposed to do. Actually appreciate experiences given and enjoy the possibility to grow. All the pain is created in the mind and the story of being hurt reinforces the ego. What was given during this trip is an ability to see reality as non-existent during self-inquiry. During this trip there were moments when I was a higher intelligence teaching the ego how it should behave, giving myself insights. It reminds me of a psychological concept of superego, ego and id. It feels like you are this Elder being. It was choosen not to assume existence of any entities, including myself, so there haven't been any creatures met during this experience. SIDE NOTES: Insights from the trip get clearer with every day and somtimes drastically change contradicting the previous thoughts. It's like they are maturing by themselves. Next trip needs better preparation. In every possible way. It would be better if there was more self-inquiry done prior to the experience. Also less social contact and even less external stimuli. There should be no fear of someone interrupting and no fear of losing mind. 150mcg seems somewhat over-the-top for a party setting, extrapolating from this experience, sticking with a little bit less will probably result in cleaner experience. At the same time effects may get killed with reasoning. It needs to be tested, but it's always better to test with lower dosage. I get curious about the correlation between realms of experience and Truth. I assume they are a distraction when it comes to pursuing Enlightement, but it's amazing what's possibly possible. Whole reality feels magical for the first time in my life. Effects on the body were moderate, but they are still there in a mild form three days later. Whole body feels different, but still tensed. "Feeling compact" describes it very accurately. There wasn't any energy release throughout the trip. Trip Report - AL-LAD, 300mcg SET&SETTING: It was Friday night, 20:30. Drunk people on the lower floor. I was alone in my room. Two tabs ingested spontaneously as an impulse. Swallowed without putting them under a tongue - took a little bit longer to hit, but not too long. I have said to dad that I have been drinking and can't drive today. It didn't matter, because dad was so drunk he was getting stuck in the loop and non-stop forgetting about everything. I have prepared banana and a cup of water. ACTUAL TRIP: I have planned to watch Leo's video about strange loops. I have started before ingestion of drug and finished during the trip, as it was getting late. I didn't go as deep into the topic as when I was sober. Psychedlic effects has hit during watching and I started to see blue light around character on the screen. I was watching the show on the phone with headphones. It felt different than when watching it for the first time. The biggest problem with this trip is that I don't remember the juicy parts. I have this feeling like a lot of cool stuff has happened, but I can't recall them, it's all so foggy. I will try to write up what I remember. Listening to Tycho - Awake, I was trying to contemplate. I had to have music on, because people in the house were too noisy. I have to say it's a great album, visuals it has inspired were off the Earth. Music felt physical, like it had 3D structure, a whole new universe hidden in a song, it was a pure beauty. I was thinking about strange loops and then weird thing happened... I don't remember the next hour. It's not like I have passed out or something. I was still listening to music and something like melting has happened. I totally forgot about contemplation. From my playlist's history I know I was listening to Glitch Mob's Drink The Sea album. It wasn't profound or anything, I can't recall any thought or feeling other than immense pleasure. When I have snaped out of it a lot of interesting stuff started to happen. I was conscious enough to turn music off. My sense of self was being ripped in waves. My body was taken away. I was experiencing lives of other beings, like an absolute empathy. I was some girl, some guy, it felt like I really had their bodies, their personalities. It was switching, no-self, some created self, my ego back, some created self, reality at this moment felt really big, but not infinite. Everything was just spacious. There were no walls, just body floating in some kind of energy field, full of fractals. Someone on the lower floor started arguing, I have heard that and got confused. My everyday ego partially crept back in for a moment to disperse the next second. Now I have become people arguing, was living their perspectives and their emotions. I had total understanding of emotions and mechanism rulling their interactions. At the same time, I couldn't care less about them, I was so understanding that I didn't care about what they do or say at all. Eating banana was an ecstasy. I ate only one bite to avoid stomach-ache. I thought my cup of water is empty. With smile on my face, I took it into both of my hands, put them into the air and asked for a miracle to happen, because I didn't want to go and refill it. I tried to take a sip from it and almost drenched myself, because it turns out it wasn't empty. It was funny as fuck moment. I have tried to do the pen exercise. You take a pen and try to see that it doesn't exsist, you can then see that nothing exists. It went different way than when I had tried it before. When I look at this pen now, after the trip, I feel intense presence taking over me. This task is easier on one tab. After that I said fuck it all, I am gonna have fun. I have listened to Scooter and Robbie Williams, because for weird reason they feel like evil twin brothers for me and it makes me laugh. Paradoxically it was a very deep and uplifting experience. I had thought a lot about human nature. Then Modjo - Lady started playing on autoplay. I went deep into this nostalgia trip, emotions were overtaking as I was watching a music video on YouTube. Later I was sitting on my coach, shifting between different states of consciousness. I realized that every undesired or bad thing in my life is there, because I want it on a deeper level, I can't say no to experiencing it from pure curiosity. I am sitting there as this Supervisor, owner of my own reality, it's my favourite element of every trip. Being this wise, totally confident person, that nails bullshit as soon as it appears, very grounded in reality. I thought I would like to feel like this all the time and then it struck me that I can. That psychedelic states of consciousness can be felt 24/7, they are not reserved to any substance, you just need to work your ass off and can attain whatever you desire. I have finished off with a walk on the fresh air. For some weird reason I was thinking about alien abduction, but quickly dropped this notion. Starry night sky is one of the most beautiful thing I have seen in my entire life. Everything I saw had this ancient egypt vibe to it. I was like a pharraoh or an ancient priest walking through the night on the desert. Very hard to put it into words. Mind was empty of thoughts almost all the time. Every street lamp has looked like an entire pizza-like shaped universe. I have returned home calmer than ever. SIDE NOTES: Overall I am not satisfied with this trip. It has showed me that many things are possible to change in my life, that it doesn't have to be the way it is right now. It was a lot of fun and serious at the time, but I feel like I have wasted the substance, It has a lot more potential and can be used in a much more profound way. I have liked the previous 150mcg trip much more, it was concise and harmonic. This one is pure chaos, a monkey-mind on a trip to the amusement park. Even this report is chaotic. I can't imagine how people are taking doses as high as 600mcg of this substance and manage to take something out from it. For me 300mcg is more than enough, I will probably stick to 225mcg dose in my next trips. It seems like a sweet-spot. But I haven't tripped enough to be sure. There are interesting after effects of this trip. For example, when driving a car I have moments of totally dissolving and merging with the car, it's such a cool feeling. I am still me, but everything happens so smoothly and effortlessly, perfect gear shifting, a lot more things get noticed, it last for few minutes. Another after effect is this being Supervisor feeling. I feel like I own reality and I am much more aware of many things, like for example posture or thought patterns. Clearness of mind is connected to this feeling. When mind clears I start to feel more grounded and everything happens effortlessly. It doesn't last long, but I would like to have it 24/7. I went on a walk one day and was just amazed with how magical everything feels. Everything was alive, I was contemplating nature and looking with awe at beauty of it. Funny thing with my contemplation is it sometimes goes into off-words-mode. It happens on another level, I catch myself that these words are no longer useful when contemplating such and such matter and start doing a thing that I can't fully describe, but surely something clicks in the mind during that process. Another after effect is disliking of certain foods, mainly fast-foods. I can eat bananas, apples and nuts all day. But eating salty sticks, it just felt terrible on the next day. I have automatically put some in my mouth without too much thinking and I thought I will spit them out. They have tasted like raw wheat and were almost impossible to chew. Pasta with meat - was terrible. Brussels = awesome. Burger from McDonald's was possible to eat, but not as tasty as always. I was farting and burping all the time. I should watch much better what I put into my mouth, after next trip. This time I was just curious how terrible something can taste. And I have found it. The most terrible, untasty thing in the world. Lech's brand alcohol-free beer. I was on Orgonite's concert the next day after the trip and got thirsty. Considering that water in the club costs the same as a beer, I went for the beer. Usually I like it, but this time it felt terrible. Like I was drinking bleach. Dying would be more pleasant than drinking this beer. I have forced myself to sip enough to satiate thirst and got rid of it. Few days after I also feel mild effects on my body. I became touchy. I like touching stuff. My face feels pleasant, it's delighting to smile. I like touching my hands, holding hands and hugging others. Usually it's not my cup of tea, but now it's extra satisfying. Music also sounds different, much deeper, I haven't heard it like that ever before. === CONCLUSION === I have lost my "apetite" for this substance, I feel like I should focus on improving my self-inquiry habit and then go back to it. I think those drugs should be approached in a more retreat-like conditions, with even cleaner diet, less distraction, alone and prepared. Now it feels like I am wasting material and time. I don't say it doesn't change me, it does, and quite radically to be honest, but I don't want to rely on the substance so much, that it's the only self-improvment habit that I do consistently, because that sounds like developing an addiction. I hope you have had a nice read, even though the text is kind of messy.

@Alien The only way to start is to start. Start anywhere, so long as you start doing something. You can refine as you go, but until you actually get going, you're not going to go anywhere. Momentum is one of the best allies you have in this, but you only get that by moving - somewhere, anywhere, but get moving!

@Alien maybe you’ve put it on a pedestal? It’s not far away, it’s here. It’s you. It’s for you. It’s for YOU! Have you ever taken psychedelics? Do these! ?

@Alien This is actually a non-trivial point: There is no substitute for consciousness. The only way to be conscious, is to be conscious! There is no shortcut, there is no alternative. You must be conscious directly, not through some materialistic process, technique, or trick. Because consciousness transcends and underpins everything else. To try to use something else to get to consciousness is backwards. Instead, use consciousness directly to get to everything else. In other words, don't wait for pain to bring you consciousness. Bring consciousness to your pain. You can always have a thing without consciousness. But you can never have consciousness without consciousness.

This is my recount of my first experience with LSD. I would like to begin by saying that I felt a level of stress in my life before I took this substance. I felt that all of society was constantly conspiring against my growth and development as a human being heading towards self-actualization. I awoke before 7 a.m. in the morning and I retrieved my LSD. For this trip I would not have a trip sitter available so I was on my own, however I have done high dose psychedelics from a nondual perspective in the past and thus I felt confident in my set and setting. I had four LSD tabs. I tested the tabs the day before using the Erlich testing reagent and they all registered as authentic Lysergic acid diethylamide. I cleared my room of anything that could potentially be damaged or that I might accidentally hurt myself with. I listened to Gregorian chants for about five minutes and began to meditate. I turned off all technology around me. After this I looked at the tabs of LSD and said, “I will go wherever you take me with grace”. I then placed the four tabs underneath my tongue and meditated at the edge of my bed. After what felt like 20 to 30 minutes the tabs dissolved and I swallowed them. Shortly after this I felt the first effects begin to take place. It felt as if all of the nerves just beneath my skin were warmed up by the substance. My mind while in a calm and meditative state became hyperaware of my surroundings. The mind asked questions such as will I be safe without a trip sitter? I slowly began to pass out as the LSD entered my serotonergic system. The LSD assured me that I would be safe. Then I saw a fractal energetic alien looking figure that said, “Ok, let’s get this started.” Next the ego structure melted. My body began to move in the bilateral yoga positions that Martin Ball talks about. My body contorted into positions which normally I couldn’t do. I had experienced this strange phenomenon before with psilocybin mushrooms. On the level of sensory perception I experienced something extremely strange. It was as if my senses began to meld into each other. No longer could I distinctly hear, see, smell, taste, or feel anything independently of each other. I smelled sensations, and heard colors, as insane as that sounds. My entire body was almost vibrating from the amount of nervous system stimulation that it was receiving. Notably, for what seemed like quite a while, my hands began to move in very odd ways and preformed a very strange type of sign language which was completely out of my control. It was as if the LSD had possessed my body and was trying to see how it could guide me similar to my psilocybin trip. Throughout most of the trip the mind was constantly making comparisons and drawing parallels my prior mushroom trip. However unlike psilocybin the lysergic acid diethylamide was much more lenient as a substance as the curious ego structure was not ever abruptly silenced. The nature of this substance in my opinion was a bit more lucid and exploratory than other psychedelics that I had experienced. After this my body passed out for a second time. My ego structure was further dissolved and my consciousness/awareness was sent to a place far outside of space and time. It was at this point that I was shown the infinity of existence. I am completely lacking in the vocabulary necessary to convey exactly what I experienced but I will do my best. My consciousness/awareness came to a place where it was shown the World of Form from an objective viewpoint. All of creation was seen as an Absolute Infinity in every way. I saw the infinite ever changing fractal nature of existence. My awareness was transported to other places across the world of form as well. I was shown what I can only describe as organic computers. These spiritual machines several millions of orders of magnitude more powerful than even the most advanced human quantum computers today. I also saw what I would call energetic crystal architecture. I distinctly remember a palace of sorts it looked like a cathedral and Hindu temple made of pure crystalline light. It was beyond beautiful. It was in complete harmony with the ecology of its setting. Fractals were everywhere and in everything. During this experience the ego wished to revisit the Akashic Records that it had seen before from the psilocybin; however the LSD conveyed that it’s all an Absolute Infinity, even the Akashic Records containing all of the knowledge in the multiverse are only an infinitesimally small part of the Absolute Infinity of existence. At this point the experience became chaotic as I lived the lives of countless organisms. The stories of entire lives were experienced in immeasurably short lengths of time. The mind was racing at the sheer amount of stimulation from the experience. Then the most amazing part of the experience occurred. I will do my best to describe this using the limits of language I was shown existence from outside of existence. I saw the totality of the infinity of existence as incomprehensibly beautiful and profoundly complex infinite fractals. Each fractal was an infinite layer of novelty. I began to hear this extremely strange yet beautiful “cosmic music”, the music of infinity. This music still played until I went to sleep that night. I learned that reality is infinite to such a degree that it cannot be anything else. My awareness returned to my body but was different. At this point I was still tripping extremely heavily. My entire field of vision was almost completely immersed in intricate morphing fractals of beauty. The state of awareness of my mind was very different. I began to gesture to smoke an imaginary blunt. Each time I took a hit from this nonexistent blunt my awareness became more and more aligned, aware and existential. Next, what happened was extremely beautiful. After about three hits from the imaginary blunt I began to speak in a voice that was not my own. It was as if the consciousness of the totality of existence began to speak through me. I had a dialogue with God. My mind would think thoughts and the body would reply verbally, channeling the message of this unity consciousness. I began to speak words that were not my own. It was as if the voice of God (being the infinity of existence) entered my entire being. God told me the following things using my body as a vector to relay. “Reality is an absolute infinity.” “The way your species is living on this planet doesn’t make any sense. You’re causing so much suffering. This earth is all we’ve got. We don’t have any way of moving out and even if we did wed just severely damage another planet.” “All of reality is infinite and everything is simply various forms which I use to experience existence and express myself and that’s really it, now you can do whatever you want with that.” “ It’s all an absolute infinity!” “Everything in all of the totality of existence is an absolute infinity in every way. “I really don’t know how I can make it any more apparent to you.” “It’s infinite to such a degree that its infinity to the infinite root of infinity.” “As long as you know that it’s all one you’ll be ok.” “Everything is going to be alright.” “You really don’t have anything to worry about young man. You’re on the right track. Stop rushing. That’s fear.” “ Fear is illusory.” “Don’t hold yourself back. I don’t hang out with people that hold themselves back, man!” “Really after all we’ve been through, after all the species has been through, you’re really gonna hold yourself back?” At this point I started crying, the mind realized the huge amount of suffering that it has caused itself over the course of its 20 years of life. “Enough with the excuses, no more excuses, stop holding yourself back.” “You’re writing a book. That’s good.” “ All life wants to express itself in every way possible. All lifeforms are expressions and express themselves as fully as they possibly can.” “If you’re going to do something, do it at your all because it’s an expression of life. Put all of your love, effort and energy into it. Anything less is not worthy of you or authentic of what you are capable of.” “Sometimes you’re not gonna have enough money but you’ll always make it through. You’re not gonna kill yourself that’s a no go.” “If we mess up here on earth we are going to mess up there too.” “You’re free to do what you want.” I conveyed to God my fears and insecurities regarding being social and vulnerable with other people. I also explained how even though my views of sexuality are by no means conservative that I still have subconscious thoughts which label various parts of the human sexual experience as negative or ugly. For this I felt ashamed of it. God replied “How’s that bad?! The intricacies of sexuality are just another part of the infinity of existence.” “You need to lighten up!” God also addressed my anxieties regarding sex both as it relates to me on an individual and how it relates to the collective. “You need to have sex. Sex opens you up. It opens your heart.” After this was said, all of the small amount of negativity that I associated with being a virgin left me. “Choose the way that equates to the most openness, love, life and full expression.” Love equates to openness. At this point my awareness was abruptly transported outside of physical existence again and I saw what I can only describe as an Infinite energetic fractal torus of everything. It was as if God said, “look at that! That’s the perfection of everything flowing freely. This is what you are. You are an energetic free flowing being. You are infinity. You are a microcosm of the macrocosm. Whenever you dwell in fear or doubt you block this ever present flow of energy within yourself. You deny me. But most of all you deny yourself.” I was also told things about the power of the placebo effect. However I do not remember exactly what was said. “What will it take for you to live the life that you know you can live?!” “You’re divine yet you live in shit hmm how’d that happen? (Referring to the human species) “Because you doubted me. Because you live in fear. Because you believe in the illusion of separation. The illusion of duality.” "There is only the infinite trans-temporal eternal pregnant present moment, of infinite possibility. What your species calls time, time does not exist.” After this the dialogue ended. I went into a different trance like state where a menagerie of glossolalia came from me. I spoke in words which sounded very similar to Tibetan throat singing. It felt amazing. I passed out again shortly after this. My awareness was shown the intricacies of energy and food systems, being that they are systems of transactions and that life is about balance in every way. This also relates to life and death. After some time my awareness returned to my body and the ego structure somewhat reformed. The strange sensations all over my body were so pervasive that I thought I had soiled myself however I did not. My body was covered in sweat. The come down portion of the experience began. It had been roughly seven hours since I had ingested the lysergic acid diethylamide. I looked towards my bookshelf and was intensely drawn to The power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. As I looked through the pages of the book fractals still immersed my vision however I could still derive information from its pages. I felt so grateful as a looked at the book. It then came to me that life is all about sex, ecology and spirituality. I put down The Power of Now and looked at my bookshelf again this time at the book Sex, Ecology, Spirituality by Ken Wilber. I went to get the book however I knew that If I picked it up it would have been too much of an emotional overload for me and I would have had a release or break of some sort. I spent a few minutes after this and explored the various books on my shelf. Afterwards I sat for a bit and simply looked at the many fractals in my visual field. A voice came to me saying that, “Everything is divine.” “Existence is here for you. Now go experience it!” I then turned on my phone and listened to the sounds of the Didgeridoo instrument and listened to ambient music. This added a level of intensity to the experience. When I looked at the sheets on my bed I was what I can only describe as tribal art, in action. The hallucinations looked like the cave paintings in France had become fully animated on the sheets of my bed. I was very introspective; my mind was racing with thoughts however I paid them no attention. My hands were still moving in this strange sign language fashion. As time passed I walked around my home and I thought to myself, “this is the quintessential psychedelic experience, most of those pieces of psychedelic art that I’ve seen were inspired by this very experience.” I now understood why LSD played such a large part during the 1960s. I began to look out of the window to my backyard. I watched the trees; grass and sky all begin to morph into several fractals. As I looked outside I saw a squirrel scurrying around in my backyard. As I looked at this squirrel it too began to morph into fractals. At this point I realized that I was not looking at a squirrel but at a reflection of myself and the infinity of existence. I felt a love that I cannot describe, for humans do not have the language for it. The feeling of Absolute Oneness and Absolute Infinity was so much that my mind could not take it anymore. I completely broke down and began to cry extremely emotionally. Tears flowed like waterfalls down my face and I couldn’t believe that this was real. That I was real, that life was a thing, that both you and I are absolutely ONE. After this the mind began to calm. My brother returned home a bit after this and asked me if I was OK. When I explained what I had just experienced he knew that I needed some time to process the experience. As the LSD experience continued to come down I spoke to a few friends that came over. While they are recreational users they were supportive of what I experienced even though they did not understand. Fractals were still present roughly nine hours after I took the substance however it felt good to be able to converse about the experience. I went to the bathroom after this, and looking at myself I realized that my body and that the bodies of all living things are organic architecture. The effects continued to dissipate. I had a mild headache however it was nothing intense. The rest of the day was spent in a state of happiness. I spoke to myself and danced around my room like a crazy person. The effects of the LSD finally wore off after over twelve hours in total. Even after the LSD effects dissipated, my physical body felt different and still feels different. My mind feels different as well. I am already in good physical shape however, I feel much lighter and more agile than I ever have. These are the main things that LSD taught me. Everything is Absolutely Infinite. I need to lighten up as a person and stop being so serious about self-actualization and enlightenment. In closing I would like to say that this experience helped me to work through some very personal stuff and I am grateful to have had this experience. I am a forever changed person. This video gives a good representation of what my glossolalia was like. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwANedEkqaY While I can't convey what I experienced when I say absolute infinity this may help. Play and mute this video of fractals while listening to the song below. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7-iyyR-iSg In another tab play this song and skip to about 2:15, listen to it at 0.75 speed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z685qqdv3zk This is the best recreation that I can provide of the most intense and strange part of the experience.

I AM Light. I AM Infinite. I AM The Channel. I AM Expanding. I AM Psychedelic. I AM Vibration. I AM Timeless. I AM Unity. I AM Activating. I AM Resonant. I AM Galactic. I AM Radiant. I AM Defined. I AM Electric. I AM Lunar. I AM Magnetic. I AM Planetary. I AM Balanced. I AM Organized. I AM Connected. I AM Inspired. I AM In Harmony. I AM Integrity. I AM Perfect. I AM Manifestation. I AM Dissolving. I AM Releasing. I AM Liberated. I AM Dedicated. I AM Universalized and Divine and Transcending Mantra. I AM Being. I AM Communicating. I AM Spirit. I AM Breathing. I AM Cosmic. I AM Essence. I AM Power. I AM Action. I AM Dreaming. I AM Abundance. I AM Intuition. I AM God. I AM Extreme. I AM Internal and External. I AM Flowering. I AM The Clocking. I AM Aware. I AM Lifeforce. I AM Surviving. I AM DMT. I AM Spiraling. I AM Arc. I AM Accomplishing. I AM Healing. I AM Beauty. I AM Elegance. I AM Pure. I AM Flowing. I AM Love. I AM Chakras. I AM Co-inciding. I AM Playing. I AM Magic. I AM Elusive. I AM Free Will. I AM Wise. I AM Exploring. I AM Space and Time. I AM Waking Life. I AM Vivid. I AM Enchanting. I AM Timelessness and Complete, Infinite Design. I AM Alien. I AM Human. I AM Receptive. I AM Vision. I AM Energy. I AM Mindful. I AM Questioning. I AM Answering. I AM Intelligent. I AM Fearless. I AM Evolving. I AM Opening My Third Eye to the Unseen Vision, Translating. I AM Synchronicity. I AM Reflecting. I AM Endlessness. I AM Order and Chaos. I AM The Tao. I AM Crystalized. I AM Self-generation. I AM Affirming. I AM Enlightened. I AM Blind. I AM The Tone. I AM The Color. I AM Electronic. I AM Lunar and Solar, Opposite and Polar. I AM Language. I AM Radial. I AM Particles of Plasma. I AM Endurance. I AM Cosmic. I AM Releasing. I AM Liberating. I AM Perfect. I AM Pulsing. I AM Realizing. I AM The One Because The One Are All. I AM Form. I AM The Infinite, Nothing That Becomes The Everything. I AM Symbolic. I AM Relative. I AM The Divine Spirit that Harmonizes with Laws projecting the digital loom the tool of experiencing DESIRE and finding ECSTASY in process I AM Me. We Are You.

I was thinking about what you have mentioned while I was contemplating what answers might be, and Ive got your point but there is a more profound question left to be answered youre right a realized master does not exist cause he/she is infinity, so the body that we see from the master is just an appearance but the tongue of that body is the tongue of infinity so what it says has to arise from understanding everything and grasping and feeling infinity including mappings such as human knowledge,future knowledge,alien knowledge cause they are part of infinity as well as every other thing so if enlightenment is possible or has no limits there must be at least one sample of this tongue of infinity who can lecture every human knowledge better than professors , speak every language and translate or at least articulate what it it can grasp from infinity? we all know that there have never been such a person and probably never will be and does not exist right now maybe its not possible for the infinity to grasp itself fully

@Alien A huge step in the right direction! Nothing doesn't matter indeed, ultimately. It's all One and infinite. In fact, there is no "next". You're living in an infinite now. On a relative level, our mind loves problems, worries and control. It's how most of us are programmed (by society, school, parents etc.) The quest is to allign yourself with the absolute perspective and less with the relative perspective. Become God. Live as God. Write your insight down to remind yourself once in a while. It's a damn long journey

I can see how the scientific community wants to define the boundaries of what counts as legitimate and "real science". To me, the term "supernatural" means something beyond our current understanding of nature. As I've stated many times, there will be future discoveries that would appear "supernatural" now. Yet, these are rare discoveries. Science seems more comfortable building upon what we already know vs going for leaps. Yet, anyone can speculate and make supernatural shit up. It doesn't mean it should be taken seriously. For example, I was discussing my research with a woman who is into metaphysics and paranormal. I told her that I work on a bacterium that infects insects and I am currently trying to determine how the bacterium localizes to brain tissue. She replied "Maybe it's an alien!!!". She was serious and she wanted me to seriously consider her alien hypothesis as valid and worthy of study. . . I just couldn't. We have a good understanding of cellular transport machines. Her idea would be the equivalent of noticing a stack of firewood near your shed and trying to figure out how it got there. Your friend tells you "Maybe an alien put it there!!!". Your friend wants to be taken seriously and wants the two of you to start searching for aliens. Wouldn't he seem a bit whacko?? Now what if he tells you how closed minded you are. That's what it sounds like to me as a cellular biologist. Just like we know firewood can be transported via pick up trucks and roads - we know that bacteria can transport via molecular motors and microtubules. Yet, if someone had no idea about trucks and roads - the alien idea might seem more reasonable. Similarly, if someone had no idea about kinesins and actin, the alien idea would seem more reasonable. Most people don't have an understanding of the underlying biology/science - that is one reason "supernatural" explanations seem more plausible. Consider the 2004 movie "What the Bleep Do We Know"? It was a serious effort to present "supernatural" ideas and gain legitimacy. I remember people criticizing scientists as being closed-minded. Yet, upon closer scrutiny the movie is filled with half-truths and inaccurate scientific claims. Bullshit that would seem plausible to uneducated people. It's been 13yrs since the movie was released - has even one idea in that movie been shown to be valid? Yes, there are phenomena we are unaware of that would seem to be "supernatural" with out current understanding of nature. Yet, that doesn't mean people can make shit up and be taken seriously without a plausible basis.

@egoless Contemplate deeper my friend. (Or just listen to Alan Watts, he'll do the contemplation for you, I think he's better suited for it than both you and me.) The wall is only solid in relation to your soft hand. The wall for itself is not solid. There are many small neutrino particles flying through that wall every second. To them the wall is transparent. If your hand was made of gold instead of flesh (but still contained feeling-neurons), perhaps the wall would be rather soft to you? The wall for iself is literally nothing, it's not a wall for itself, it's nothing. You - as a human organism - evoke the appearance of a wall when the photons it reflects reaches your retina and then the visual cortex in the back of your skull. It's only a wall in relation to you. You can also evoke the appereance of a wall by touching it with your hands. So you evoke the external world as a human organism. But realize, that it goes both ways. The external world evokes you as a human organism. You only know yourself in relation to the outer world. So both you and the external world is nothing. But together it's something (a happening, a proces). It's a proces. You can't have one without the other. The external world only exist because you exist. And vice versa. Just like the south pole of a magnet only exists because the north pole exists. What you call your body ends up in the hospital. And your body gets fucked up. Even so, the body is not fucked up in itself. It's only fucked up in relation to a conceptual human ideal that says that a human head shouldn't bleed and have bumps on it. But that is you, dude. You are IT (God). Therefore YOU don't really get fucked up by bumping 'your head' into a 'wall'. Nothing happens to YOU! Except, just like when you're completely immersed in watching a good action movie and one of the character smashes his fist into another character's face, you surely believe that that character got his head smashed good. But after the movie is done, you're aware that it was just a movie, and that all the violence was just fake, acting and illusional theater tricks. The same principles governs the "ego", WaveInTheocean, and the "ego", egoless It's such a big misconception among human minds that it's possible to experience 'nothing'. Look, ACTUAL 'nothing' means 'no experience.' You cannot experience nothing, because nothing = 'not an experience' or 'no experience'. Many people are afraid to die primarily because they imagine it will be like their ego being locked up in dark box for eternity with no sensations except darkness and silence, i.e. what they mistake for 'nothing'. What happens to you when you die can only be the same experience you had when you were born. All there exist is indeed experience of something. There is nothing outside experience. Sitting in a chair as philosopher and building conceptual frameworks in your head - even that is an experience. First of all, you speak of God as an entity separate to you, outside to you. God is not that. God is you, whether you like it or not. But since we're having this discussion and pretending to be separate ego's, let's just for fun talk of our real selves (God) as God, as a 3rd party. You say the reason of his creation is life (let's ignore the love part for now). Do you realize that there would be no creation without life? In other words, life and creation is the same thing. This universe, which you find yourself to be in, which you feel alien to, which you don't feel like you belong to, that exact universe only exist because you exist (and vice versa). In other words, it's like saying 'God created life because of life'. And that's right. There is no meaning what so ever behind your existence as 'egoless', except you exist for kicks, for fun, for love, for entertainment, just as a child create a sandcastle for no reason, he just does it because he likes creating stuff. In the same way, God likes creating stuff, and he created this Universe which 'peoples', just like an appletree 'apples'. Realize that all this entertainment includes all your percieved sorrow and hatred in life. That's part of the drama of life. That's what makes it exciting. That we feel like separate ego's who's survival is important. But your survival is not important except for the importance you put in it. It's not important because you don't exist in the first place as an ego. There is no you, except the you as God, which is eternal. Your logic/metaphysics are so flawed even a average 7-year old could point out the holes in it to you. For example, you say that God created the world because of love and life. And then you say that 'killing' is the ultimate evil because it's opposite of life and love. But why did God include 'killing' and other sorts of evil in the world then? Look. Think about it. Death and life goes together like the back and front of a coin goes together. You can't have one without the other. You only exist as 'egoless' now because you once died as another person/being. When we are born we forget everything, and that's the beauty of it. Life would be fucking boring if we could live for eternity. Life is fascinating and exciting only because it's all so fresh and new to us. Look at kids, for them it's super fascinating because it's even fresher to them. So there is nothing wrong with death. Absolutely nothing. In the grand scale that is. For of course as a human being we're programmed to fear death. So therefore it's smart to create laws and morals/ethics which say 'killing is bad/evil', because that will make us all happier if we don't have to fear getting shot in the street. There is no ultimate good and evil. There is relative good and evil. Relative because it's invented by you, or maybe you unconsciously buy it from the cultural ego that is society. Again your metaphysics are retarded (sorry to say) because if God only created the world because of love and life, why in the heck would he also include people like Hitler in his world? God does all sort of things. God is you. He builds sandcastles for fun like a child does. Some turn out ugly, some turn out beautiful, but they're all made out of love. Real love. Not the egoic love you're talking about.

Thank you for your input Joseph. Its very true what you say that everbody has a set of reasons justifying their actions and beliefs. She has aswell, trapping herself in a victim mentality. I feel like I could accept it if she would be authentic in her current situation. If shed be ok with her state now not wanting anything else. If she would find her true love and live in a freakin trailerpark searching for alien life on the moon I would be fine with it. How can I be happy knowing that she is suffering? It feels very wrong even trying this. I feel like no matter how high I can climb the mountain of personal development, I will never be fullfilled knowing she is left behind. I understand that there is no controlling people. I know that and I let go trying to force my view of improvement upon anyone. Life just wasnt fair for her and I am basically her last hope. I can not let go of this obligation.

@Ilya Yes of course it's shadow work. Fears are very tricky to deal with. I don't think there is a really easy way for it. What can work is disidentification, focus on breath or simply awareness while in fear or simply getting your shit together once and do it over and over again, no matter how uncomfortable until you realize how easy it is. Get ready for another mindfuck in future then. There is no full mastery or perfect mastery / perfect state. Improvement never ends because if it would end at some point, there would be no infinity and you could describe the Truth with just words. For example just imagine the emotional mastery some alien race from the 6th dimension must have and still there are infinietely far away from Truth because like us they are just in this illusory world of objects, Truth can't be translated into this physical realms it simply appears as infinity. Don't make the mistake of thinking that enlightenment will make you the perfect human being, it doesen't.

@Alien it describes, it is not described. (Cause it’s absolute). If you try to describe it, you must reference what it is not or what it is similar to (something relative) , and that doesn’t exist. Personally speaking, it’s love times infinity. But that’s not what it is, that’s just me.

@Alien The thing is, no matter how accurately it's conveyed, it's like trying to describe the color pink to a blind person.

@Alien Well, ya see... we're talking about your death here, and you still haven't realized we aren't joking Did you think you were gonna die without a fight?