PsiloPutty

Ahhhh, that is what it's all about, and I love that it happened to you. Those are pivotal moments in life. Beautiful, brother. I always imagine this song to be about the path to awakening, and how human compassion and love can facilitate it. "We're all homeless boys and girls" but love is the light of the world that can bring us all home.

He said he isn't, but I've learned so much from him. If you have never watched "Ram Dass, Going Home" on Netflix, you ought to. Beautiful show, beautiful human being.

Your brain and body are mushroom virgins again after about 10-14 days.

Good, glad you headed down that road.

I always get the answering machine.

Sounds like normal happenings when in a very concentrated state. I get wavy colored blobs that sort of look like the northern lights when I'm deep into breath focus. Those colors can coalesce and turn into nimittas if you stay the course and maintain the same level of focus.

1g is too small for a first dose. It'd be like wanting to see what a beer buzz is like and only drinking 3 sips. I'd go 2.5g for a first trip. Shallow enough that you're still you, but with enough depth that you'll see what they are like. You can eat the mushrooms, but I also like the lemon-tek method. I just grind my mushrooms in a coffee grinder until they are a powder, then put it in a cup along with an ounce or so of lemon juice, add enough water to get it liquidy, let it sit for 20 mins and then chug it.

@katykat Oh man, you need to sit and meditate when on that. Wholly new experience. I think I'll take it at 6am when I do take it. Should be OK for sleep around 10pm.

Shambhala in the Colorado Rockies is a great place that's been around for a long time.

You don't weigh LSD, you just hope that the person who made it knew what they were doing.

Geez, this stuff WORKS. Took my first dose on Saturday, which was half of a regular modafinil tablet. What I really enjoyed about it was not being able to tell that I had taken anything until I actually sat down to meditate. I was afraid that I would have other mental symptoms to deal with, but I didn't have any that I noticed. My heart rate was increased a little bit I noticed, but nothing terribly unusual. Anyway, so the focus. I sat down to meditate a couple hours after taking it, and in roughly 30 seconds I realized that it was going to be a damn good sit. Strong attention on the breath was so effortless. Like never before. Noticing and dissecting out the breath into its component sensations was something I had been getting into, but this was like using the best microscope and scalpel available to science. At about 40 minutes, I realized that I had never seen a real nimitta before, because one developed right before my eyes. Sort of a gold and brightly shimmering hoop of light. It was something I had never seen in my life that I remember, but I knew exactly what it was. It stayed for about 2 minutes, until I started to focus on it a little too much and it went away. Could be my ego coming up with this, but I think I was fairly close to being able to do this on my own, but the modafinil gave me that extra push. Like it shows you what's around the corner for you in your practice if you keep the momentum up. I plan on taking half a tablet a couple times a week, on days where I can spend a few hours meditating. Anyway, if you're on the fence about this drug, I was too but I'm glad I got some. It definitely lives up to the hype. Thanks Leo, for the work and the passion. I've stood on your shoulders a number of times in developing and furthering my practice. I'm in debt to you. Happy 2019 to everyone.

In the end, I decided to abandon the imposed pain and just let time takes its toll on me as I do SD sits. Drags it out, but the slow buildup of tension is sublimely nice, sicko that I am.

In this thread we learn who lives on the bottom half of the planet. This winter I will take my meditation to a new level of focus. I will also work on my mindfulness during the day. And can't forget kindness. I will remind myself daily that kindness to myself equates to kindness to others.

Unless you live in downtown Detroit or some other violent place, I think it sounds like you're hyper-focused on physical encounters. Where does it come from? Do you watch violent movies or TV shows? Do you play violent video games? You fantasize about fighting for a reason, and you need to find out the reason and then change that aspect(s) of your life. You're unconsciously fanning the very flames that you want extinguished. I used to be like that.....almost exactly how you describe. I don't know if it'll work for you, but my first couple psychedelic trips changed my mind in regard to that issue. I did an absolute 180 turn.

@Jordan94 I understand what you're saying. I've done a few things in the past to ramp up the psychological suffering. Before doing my sit, I've put pieces of tape on my face, neck and arms. I've stuffed dry leaves down my shirt. I've put sharp thistle underneath each hand where they rest on my knees. I've put hard objects underneath my butt before I sit. I don't do it much at all anymore.