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@Leo Gura I once got a huge boner from this add on pornhub. It was a blue trans type alien screwing a woman... I came pretty quick that time. @Joel3102 Back in my teenage years I have. @Nahm What am I missing?

Table of contents Part 4 Weird dreams parsivales Ritter ute lyttle 3 years on this forum Hero's journey Salt of the earth intellectl Awareness clarity self analysis coping Integrat repressed femininity be your own hero karma and dharma Alien life mangolia past forum entry chapter-1 Historical figures my tarot card reading Moving forward Discipline Start the roll from part 9

So I've been browsing the thread with examples of turquoise and found this guy - Matt Kahn. O boy, what a powerful message does he have. I've heard about gratitude practice - but he reframed it in such an interesting and powerful way. Also the other day somebody posted a video about Permission slips and I kind of went down the rabbit hole, watched a whole bunch of Bashar videos, his documentary included. In one interview he stated that we are constantly shifting from one parallel universe to another. I had exactly the same insight in one of mine mushroom trips. Mind-blowing. I don't know whether this alien guy Bashar exists or not (though it would be nice if he does exist) but I find the stuff he says to be very interesting and practical. These 5 laws of creation which contain pretty clear non-dual message. And his prediction about possible contact that probably will happen between 2025 and 2030 looks very intriguing, especially in the light of those UFO videos released by The Pentagon. What do you guys think about all of this?

*shakes head* Did no one read any cyberpunk literature (or even watch movies like Robocop or Alien), and get it through their thick skulls that allowing Corporations to form their own governments is objectively a terrible idea? Let's just go back to the days where workers get paid in company scrip while we're at it...

Everyone, including myself and society is severely limited. What mechanism do you have to break free beside having a huge ego. I give up but I will try to continue to grow in being conscious in things. Maybe in my alien life I will understand and become god.

This is the first time I did ayahuasca with more than 10mg of dmt(microdoses). Today did anywhere from 40 to 60mg of dmt. 80% of insights were personal yet I have posted aspects that are still personally orientated yet I think extrapolate to others. I haven't really heard stuff like this before, so to spice the forum up I'm posting them. How The Trip Actually Went I was quite nervous taking it, so I started off small. After about 1 hour I started to notice how amazing it is that I have hands. I watched them move like they were performing a dance. They moved so smoothly. I also watched how they picked up my puke bucket and did it perfectly and smoothly. I got a sense that this was miraculous, like fuck levitation or super powers, holy shit your hands are moving objects. I saw mild visuals but not too strong. The hands and legs felt like video game objects, the room looked like a video game(low resolution). I then took another 4 sips of the dmt as I get cocky after being high. Then I was waiting for jaguars to come and eat me because my shaman/psychonaut I'm learning off said the jaguars and snakes will come and eat me... none of that happened, actually what happened was realizing all the jaguars and snakes are operating at a lower level of thinking, and there is a higher level of thinking which integrates and unifies the jaguars, snakes, spirits, all of it into 1 thing. The trip then got deeper, and I started getting insights about interacting with other people. Insights Everyone is seeing a radically different reality, yet we all think we are in the same reality Like everyone, I thought everyone was seeing the exact same thing as me. No fucken way. My brain works differently on psychedelics, I get less visuals, my trips are extremely more contemplative, and even after having big doses of psychedelics I don't get breakthroughs into dmt machine elf realms or different lizard realms. I also don't get some alien or caterpillar helping me, its always me helping myself. I became conscious that our goals are different, what turns us on is different, what we are attracted to is different, what we enjoy is different, our perception of reality is radically different from person to person, and this has nothing to do with ego, this is because consciousness boils down to literally different things for different people. What is consciousness made of or what is it fundamentally? RADICALLY DIFFERENT FOR YOU AND ME. For some people it boils down to love, for others it fucken doesnt! Consciousness = Unconditional love is NOT absolute, its only absolute for fucken some people!!! For me specifically, I became conscious that the universe I'm in is radically different to other people, and this explained why I had a lot of autistic symptoms and why I disagree with lots of people about what reality is and why I don't get people when they talk about reality and why my approach to spirituality is different to others and why certain meditation techniques work better on me then others and why pointers from teachers don't make sense to me sometimes. I became conscious that when I look at objects around the room, compared to other people, they are hyper geometric, highly structured, highly ordered. Which fucken blew my mind. I was looking at a bowl and just realizing not everyone is seeing the hyper geometric, highly ordered, highly structured bowl like how I am. For example, some people see the bowl as a living spirit, some people see the bowl more for its purpose or its use, rather than its geometric shape, some people see the bowl as more of how its relates to them as a person, like a personality thing (OMFG THATS WHY SOME WOMEN CARE SO MUCH ABOUT FASHION!) This may seem obvious to some, of course our personalities are different! Of course we focus on different things... no thats not what I'm saying, I'm saying you're living in a parallel universe to me. I mean, imagine the most radical, insane dmt machine elf realm you could break through to, hyper alien, hyper different, hyper comprehensible... your flatmate, your mum, your brother and colleagues are in realms that are a trillion times more radical then what you just imagined. You don't need to break through to an insane dmt realm to have a crazy experience, you just need to break through to seeing how your flatmate sees the world. If you fully saw how your flatmate sees the world, you'd be completely immobilized, rolling on the floor in complete mind orgasm over how radically insane and different it is. And this has radical implications. Its not just philosophy. But we're all one, there's no others... please put your bullshit a side for a sec. Every single disagreement, especially the ones that end up in fights, could be eliminated from acknowledging or realizing this facet of reality. Not only fights, but deeper understanding on what teachers resonate with you, what don't, what pointers work for you, what don't, could be deeply clarified from understanding this facet of reality. My personal fundamental reality is pure understanding. To illustrate the implications above, I will show you my personal case study. During the trip I got into a state where I literally understood absolutely everything. That is my dream, understanding absolutely everything. And from that experience, I became conscious that my entire motivation is purely fueled by understanding ONLY. Its prior to absolutely everything I do. This means, I am literally incapable of understanding how consciousness IS LOVE. My fundamental reality is pure understanding. I proved to myself on that trip that even if I spent a million years meditating and doing psychedelics, I will never ever ever experience the universe as LOVE. The closest I got was I had an awakening where I realized that everything in the universe was designed to maximize how much I love myself... but notice that explanation is radically different to the universe IS LOVE? That's because I'm so understanding orientated that the closest I'll get to experiencing love is understanding it. I am too spiritually untalented/autistic to actually feel what its like to know that the universe IS LOVE. Because if I was to get a trillion times more conscious now, it would end up being just more understanding, not more love, just more my brain being sprayed by a philosophy love gun and just getting plowed away with pure understanding. And this is a fantastic realization, because I can be relieved that I don't experience the universe as love, not because im not trying hard enough, but because im too spiritually untalented. This isnt a personality thing, it wont change even by changing my brain chemistry, its embedded in my perspective which is prior or beyond my brain chemistry, it persists different lifetimes, consciousness IS understanding for me. And I am 2000% limited by that embedding. But whats amazing is consciousness IS <blablabla> for other people, which is just mind blowing. From this realization, I now know to stop using the consciousness is love pointer because it literally isnt true from my perspective WOO HOO!! The other implications of realizing that understanding is embedded in consciousness for me is I can throw away crap like "acceptance is better then understanding", "understanding boils down to love", "understanding is an illusion"... no they fucken aren't(for me). acceptance is lame, love boils down to understanding everything but understanding is an illusion In fact, there's literally nothing other then understanding in my experience, if you chuck away everything, you just get pure understanding from my perspective. From my perspective, motivation issues are directly caused by lack of doing understanding. My motivation to change the world has nothing to do with caring about impacting the world... that's all a cover story, I'm deep down much more of an ass then that, I don't care about impact, I just care about understanding. So I now can throw away any crap like oh care about impact, or crap like fundamentally who we are and what we care about is compassion and giving... not in my perspective, in my perspective understanding trumps all, I only care about compassion because it lets me understand more, I only care about intimacy because of the understanding aspect. I'm pure dork/nerd. The fundamental implication is, lots of suffering is caused by us assuming we all share the same perspective, for example we are all god... no not necessarily, only certain point of views enable the realization that we are god. Actually lots of suffering from this work comes from us trying to fit how we work into how other people work, like for example me focusing so much of trying to be compassionate and see the universe is love when I'm too retarded to see that fundamentally. This applies for everyone else too, how do you even know the universe is love in your experience? What if your perspective is like mine... physically incapable of seeing it. How to increase your baseline state of consciousness optimally What are insights? They are pure infinity in bite sized pieces because your brain can't handle infinity. To get to the ayahuasca state permanently, go meta on insights. For example, contemplate and place awareness on the following questions: when an insight arises, how do you react on a personal, physical and subtle body level? How does that reaction differ according to the insight just gained? Are certain reactions better then others? How does the reaction affect maintaining the insight? what are insights? How do insights react with each other on timescales, are certain orders of realizing insights more effective then others? And how do emergent insights arise from such interactions of those primary insights? When trying to figure out how to increase your baseline state of consciousness, contemplate different possible methods, then focus on the insight aspect of them(or pure intelligence) and try and predict the sort of insights and impacts of those insights that will occur if you actualized the method, then plan, architect, structure the best sequence of events or combination of practices to get the optimal combination and best interactions of all the insights all together contemplate how carrying out methods affects insight growth, does just contemplating what kriya yoga is gain enough insights, or do you actually need to practice it, and if you have to practice it then why? How does the insight of "you should do kriya yoga" actually affect the insights gained from actually doing kriya yoga The biggest thing I learnt here is, choosing meditation methods is putting the horse before the cart. Meditation methods are the smoke, the engine is the insight, forget about discipline and doing meditation practices, just focus on maximizing carrying out and interactions and architecting all the insights optimally.

And I'm dead serious.... How the fuck am I supposed to know that "for certain"?.... I mean you could do all the DNA tests and show you photos when you were a little kid... You can even film the moment of birth (video).. Only to wake up and find out it was a dream and you are actually the son of an alien...... Only. this. Is certain.

What do you guys think about him? It resonates with me like amazingly, almost everything he says. It is just that him being an alien is weird, but I also say why not, Infinity could imagine something like that into being also maybe.

Thanks @fridjonk I agree with the perspective that a psychedelic trip can help show one answers to problems or maybe put a stick in the spokes of an ongoing habit or an addiction if approached in a sincere way, Unfortunately most of the cultures around the world with a center of gravity in the first tier of Spiral Dynamics just lump it all into one pile labeled drugs. Very dualistically labeled as good or bad and right or wrong. Drugs are bad, Mmkay, excuse me, Couldn’t resist. @fridjonk Thanks also for the Matt Kahn video. I’ve never seen this one. I’m about 12 minutes into it,,,, Mckenna talking about the alien other reminds me of Castenada mentioning and description of the inorganic beings who were to him, so terrifying,,,

@Leo Gura So I've been doing self inquiry and looking at my hands, as per the guided exercise.. stripping away all beliefs. And when I'm staring at my hands long enough in one spot, they start to morph like they did on past trips. They don't morph per say, but it's like they are holographic and look alien like, reminiscent of my trip. Is this an insight into consciousness or flash backs. I also have moments of sudden fear when this happens. But no sudden awakening, not like when on a psychedelic.

You're confusing things. What I said does not in any way preclude the paranormal. If you see a yogi levitating, that's all fine and good. It's still happening within your bubble of experience. Likewise with any other paranormal phenomenon such as astral travel, telepathy, auras, angels, DMT entities, aliens, channeling, spirit realms, hell realms, clairvoyance, UFOs, mothman whatever. You are right, there is no difference between the normal and the paranormal other than social convention and definition of terms. Look at it this way: your fridge is imaginary, but that does not prevent you from going in your kitchen, opening the fridge, and exploring its contents. Likewise with the paranormal. If you meet an alien, angel, or deity -- they will still be you talking to yourself. You are correct that there is more to what consciousness can do, or what it can imagine, than just the conventional material world. Consciousness can imagine twisted hyperbolic geometry worlds full of aliens and angels and whatever else. But all of that will still always be your own Mind. There is no limit at all to what consciousness can imagine. And it can imagine some insane stuff that you would not believe. So while I'm saying your current experience is all there is, that does not mean your current experience cannot radically change. It can and it will -- and there is worthwhile stuff to explore. By all means take a rocket ship to Mars, if you dare. You will discover cool and useful stuff. Or if you really want a mindfuck, smoke some salvia.

So I read the first chapter of "Letting Go" by David Hawkins, again, since I only read that much of the book a few months ago. I take it more as an invitation to be less unconscious. I encircled various sentences with pencil, ranging from key points to things I found interesting but/and "don't agree with". A lot of things I disagreed with. One of his key points was that external events perhaps don't cause negative emotion, that they are outlets for displacement, egoic justification for expressing what negative emotion we already had stored up. There were more interesting key points that I can't be bothered to type about right now. -- Whether by pure coincidence or "synchronicity", my mum walks into my room and asked me whether [alright, as I was typing this sentence I noticed my mum was free. So I stopped typing this, walked up and I talked to her to resolve the situation].....Uh okay so how should I go about writing this. So as I'm reading, my mum walks into the room and asks me to change the clean bedsheets in my room because she doesn't like the dull colours ( and they are mismatching colours) and she doesn't want the cleaners who are coming around to see it. I talk about it pretty casually/nonchalantly about how it doesn't matter, because it doesn't. Abruptly I feel conditioned fear arise as I sense she's about to slap me. She slaps me "playfully" , I slap her back and I'm pissed off, but I didn't properly communicate it. She's whatever. Slightly joyful and happy because she think she "pranked me" and I didn't expect it. But also because of some unhealthy psychology of hers, where she thinks is fun/joyful to invoke fear and control in others. She just walks out the room and conversation end. Anyway, it later "ended" with her being sorry because she thought it was innocent. But of course she didn't take it seriously and lacks the capacity to appreciate boundaries. But I wont ramble about that too much. -- I continue reading David Hawkins, finishing the chapter. Whilst I'm reading, and then afterwards for a while, I'm sitting by myself and paying attention to my feelings. I pay attention to the negative feelings which are always there, but I push into the peripheral vision of my consciousness. So there's lots of random fluctuations, flux, etc. But at some point the negative emotions grow and grow, I'm caught up in thought stories which whirl and whirl around like tornados, and the negative emotion is very strong. And I feel it as I type now still- __________ Aaaaaaaaand TLDR I feel drained from paying attention to my negative emotions. But I'm not that drained, its likely some psychological reaction and defence mechanism by my mind to not dig deeper. Recently I question and wonder whether an "unconscious" really exists. Since if something is unconscious, it's out of your experience in a sense. But. There are these emotions and things in the periphery of your current consciousness which are there but we ignore. I feel a burning desire to break the wall between me and what's alien. Someone else might phrase it as trying to "breakthrough into the unconscious".

Iraq has a massive land area, and it is just normal take in other factors that it will he a hot bed for terrorist activities and organizations. After the double suicide attack few days ago, this is what how Iraqi government is responding: https://www.rudaw.net/english/middleeast/iraq/24012021 These people who are going to be executed belong to different tribes, and those tribes will develop anger towards what the consider an "alien, western supported political process". This will accelerate forming of new terrorist organizations and reviving ISIS, and in no time, Iraq will see rebellion in large areas of land, which means it will go out of control of government, and this in turn will lead to a new international intervention at best case, which will cause a new war-like situation.

@neutralempty Yet this is relative to how that person's mind and body is shaped, and hat shapes how each person understanding differently than the other. The understanding that an A.I has, is different from an animals, is different from a human's, is different from an alien, and so on.

On another note, just eating vegetables overstimulates my hormones, and increases my horniness levels. While it's great at other contexts, some contexts I find it unpleasant to feel horny for long periods of time. I find it annoying when my mind wonders to naked women when I need it to design complex structures for my survival. Vegan, no vegan, alien, elf machine, you do you. You're a perspective like the specks of dust in the universe, a once in a lifetime snowflake that'll melt like all the rest of the snows out there. Hopefully at least realize how relative you are to everything.

Totally, on the spiritual path, the sexuality is becoming very fluid, at least for me. I could easily fall in love with an alien. It's all about the Connection. When it's there it's there be it with a man, woman or allien.

I've already painted my nails. I enjoyed that ? I'll give dressing up a try. I get what you mean about not feeling human! I feel the same way. I feel like an alien and outsider, but it's probably because we are living a lot differently than most people in our society. I am not sure about the dysphoria thing? I dont necessarily hate my male body, but I do think having breasts and having wider hips would make feel more sexy and good about myself.

That's what I would say I was reacting to (either internally or externally through replies) when I saw pick up related posts on this site. Making a woman or really any person feel insecure is one of the hallmarks of manipulation and there is plenty of ways to be attractive to the opposite sex that doesn't involve being an asshole scheming behind the scenes. And this is also why I say that most girls can easily smell the inauthenticity or can intuitively tell that something is fishy because the whole thing seems at best a used car sales man approach to dating. I'll have to check those sources out. There is a HUGE difference between seeming high value and actually being high value. That's what I was essentially trying to articulate in the example of being standoffish and how there is a partial truth to it but has a weird red pill like vibe to it as well. While I was trying to figure out my dating life, I accidentally ran into some hypergamy like sources. I delved into it more not because I agreed with it but because the whole thing seemed really fascinating. A lot of the women who are attracted to hypergamy are not necessarily hotter than average but they are women who keep getting screwed over by fuck boys, guys who don't commit, and guys who treat them like shit. Some of them also have this impression of how everything was better in the 1950s or so when traditional gender roles were the norm because these women want to step into their femininity so they can have a man take care of them. Some of their advice makes sense like don't be desperate, have standards, don't date guys who don't have their shit together, but like red pill they take it to an extreme to the point where they have very materialistic notions of standards and having your shit together as well as a narrow definition of what it means to be a woman. Also a lot of women fall down the whole hypergamy pipeline on YouTube by starting out with trying to embrace their feminine side more (that's another reason why those videos started popping up in my recommended). Personally, I grew up with a lot of internalized misogyny and I didn't embrace my feminine side so I wanted to find sources online to find ways that I could honor that part of myself more and undo any internalized stigma I had towards what was considered feminine. The sources ranged from basic how to do your hair and makeup videos, to new age divine feminine type sources, and to the mess that is hypergamy. That's what a lot of women on this forum is taking about when we talk about the limits of pick up. Red pill makes a caricature of women which makes it hard to actually connect with women. It's the same used car sales man vibe all over again that usually makes a woman want to auto reject (many but not all). That's why you have to approach so often. When I first came to this forum and I saw men talk about 50-100 approaches, I thought that was insane. I knew that it is in a way more difficult for guys because they are expected to be the ones approaching and that many guys are bound to be rejected numerous times before they get a yes, but 50-100 seemed way too big of a number. To me, that figure is so big to where you need to reevaluate the tactics you are using. If you only succeed 1-2% of the time, there is something up. Also, with these parallels I'm observing, I'm really getting the impression that the best dating advice is usually gender neutral and doesn't make a caricature out of the opposite sex. I feel that the best pieces of relationship advice show you how to relate to people and deal with them effectively instead of painting the opposite sex as some type of alien species that has the complexity of a rubix cube times 10000.

Source: https://edition.cnn.com/2021/01/21/middleeast/iraq-baghdad-explosion-intl/index.html This happened at the first full day of Biden's Administration. My comment: Situation in Iraq is still very fragile, no, This is not still a result of Americans "messing and destabilizing Iraq". The reality is that Iraq's land area is so big, and according to https://www.nationsencyclopedia.com/ , "Present-day Iraq, comprising an area of 437,072 sq km (168,754 sq mi), Comparatively, the area occupied by Iraq is slightly more than twice the size of the state of Idaho" The truth is that it is hard to control this land with Iraqis still focusing solely on increasing numbers of security forces, recruiting over one million security personnel. Today's Iraq is a safe haven for terrorist organizations, and I can even argue that the latter are manufactured in Iraq. Honestly the lack of opportunities here, and the "Anti-Stage-Orange" mentality leads people to think to become criminals as a means of survival. I am doing my best to sponsor FB articles to teach people at least the importance of respecting the international laws, and any laws for that matter, in order to teach people how to respect a law or a convention or a constitution, all of are alien ideas to stage-red, and purple societies here. I believe this is the way to go, and to teach them the consequences of not respecting laws. I welcome any help in this regard, financial or intellectual.

It's not simple except your silence ideology. You think that silence is not an ideology? Well, then, think twice. Anyone can use the same logic and apply it to their ideologies, but that doesn't make anyone non-ideological, or in any lesser degree. I could say that the act of murder is not an ideology. In murder, there is not even the idea of murder or no murder. It's actually pretty simple. I don't get the rambling to be honest. What you're basically saying here is that you can think without thoughts. Well, that'd be some next generation alien technology that I'm not really interested in.

I hope they will be. Otherwise we could have problems :-D Stephen Hawking once said that they could behave somehow like conquistadors in South and Central America. On a side note, I have recently watched a documentary on alien abductions and I remember two things: they probably came from Zeta Reticuli and the evidence for the abductions seemed really hard! The abductees had implanted pieces of metals that are not naturally found on earth (only in meteorites). The pieces were sent to US research laboratories and the chirurgical removals were done by a real surgeon.

WARNING : The following story contains detailed retranscription of very distressing thought and fucked up reasoning that really made me question my sanity for a short period of time. I would not recommend reading this if you are tripping on weed or any psychedelics right now. I would also avoid reading if you suffer from OCD, as obsessive and intrusive thoughts are at the heart of this experience, but hey, you do as you wish. I apologize for the lengthy post but I really wanted to make sure to get all the details down, I hope this level of description will give some insight about what exactly constitutes the experience of a bad trip from an internal point of view for those who never experienced it, and especially how things can gradually go objectively more insane while remaining somehow coherent and making perfect sense for the person experiencing the trip. I've read many trips reports but I've never seen one explaining in detail the inner workings of the mind trying to persuade you that your madness is real, which is what I'm aiming to do with this story. Another reason I'm writing this is to gain some insight into the interpretation (if there's any) of the events that happened that night. What does it tell about myself, my state of mind, consciousness, or the way the human mind works in general? Such questions I don't think I can answer right now, but I'm eager to hear what you all have to say. The events I'm about to describe have deeply disturbed but also motivated me to develop a new mindset of self-improvement and spiritual research, it kinda woke me out of a state of slumber you could say. Now that I've seen the tremendous power of the mind, I realize the importance of every single moment of my life and I want to get the most out of it, which include fixing my intellectual and behavioural shortcomings, becoming a better person on all accounts, especially my relationship with myself and others, and stop wasting my days doing nothing. Sorry for the rant lol now comes the interesting part : This happened about a month ago. I had already taken LSD a few times before, in moderate dosage (200ug each time). I'm 20 years old for reference. At the moment, I was already interested about metaphysical topics such as the nature of reality, consciousness, and so on, but I never really dug into the subject and I was still very ignorant about spirituality in general. (I had a very fixed materialist vision of life, I was pretty much your typical STEM student who think he has it all figured out, you get the idea) Anyway, I discussed with some friends I had tripped with before, and they all told me how the experience changed their daily lives and how they were more grateful/conscious/detached from reality etc... I got a little frustrated because I really couldn't say the same about my own personal experience, even though I was the one who initially suggested taking LSD to "get something out of it". So the next evening, I made the incredibly wise decision of taking a much larger dose (375ug) by myself, at night, in my bedroom, to finally get the sought-after "realization". The actual come up of the trip went surprisingly well, the visuals were slightly more intense than usual but nothing too crazy, my mind was alright too, even though I was overall very confused and my thoughts made no sense most of the time. (btw my acid comes from a very reliable and well-known guy on the DW so I'm pretty sure I'm not underestimating the dosage). Anyway, I decided to light up a joint to enhance the trip, with no regards for the fact that cannabis has always made me very very nervous and self-conscious (I'm sure you can start to see where this is going ) Only a few seconds after the last toke, as I was observing the streetlights, I started questioning the utility of taking LSD (It's something I have always done during the previous trips, and I always feel like I cannot provide a relevant answer, which for some reason makes me feel very uneasy). But this time, I felt a sense of absolute existential dread at that thought. It was as if I HAD to answer right now or the consequences would be absolutely dramatic in a way I couldn't even fathom. I cannot describe the feeling of pure terror that I instinctively felt as I realized I was absolutely unable to provide an answer that would satisfy me (I think no answer could at that point). I instantly tried to think about something else like my life depended on it (and I was absolutely convinced that was the case) but this only made the feeling even more intense and the thoughts in my head became more aggressive. Each effort I made to try to think about something else, the thought would come back at me, bigger and more terrifying than ever. It was not even about the initial question anymore, but about the fact that I couldn't calm down and move on. I tried to think about logical arguments to get out of this irrational thought trap I had gotten myself into, and I kept repeating to myself that I shouldn't make such a big deal of virtually nothing, but the voice would respond each time, overriding my pathetic attempts to regain control of the situation. That was where I realized in horror that I had absolutely no control over that voice in my head. I started to perceive these thoughts as a sort of alien, demonic presence that would keep tormenting me until my death. It was my punishment for experimenting with drugs and opening gates in my brain that should have stayed closed. Now comes the really really fucked up part, in my opinion, the realization that made me fall into the abyss of madness for the next 3 hours: I understood that I had become obsessed with the voice narrating my own thoughts. Now the thing about obsessions is that eventually you get distracted from what's clouding your mind and start to think about something else... but the thing that's distracting you is usually your own thought stream, and therefore "the voice" itself. In my case, that was precisely the object of my obsession, which meant that I had absolutely no escape from that headspace, for whenever I tried to think of something else to get myself out of this nightmarish thought loop, I would instantly recognize the voice "linked" to my though, and fall even further down the rabbit hole. Another disturbing thing I experienced in that state was amplifications of my thoughts like my head was an echo chamber: I would think about something and instantly recognize the voice narrating the thought in my head. By unwillingly paying attention to it, kinda like reading it in my head, I would create a new voice saying the same thing (much like when you read something and you have a voice narrating what you're reading, except I was reading my own thoughts if that makes sense) then I would start reading that new voice, creating a new layer, etc... that process repeating itself hundreds of times in a matter of seconds, each step making me feel like I was diving deeper into insanity. Not cool. A few minutes of delusion later, I felt like I had a total understanding of the way my mind worked, and more precisely the way the different thoughts flowed into each other. I understood life was a never-ending succession of thoughts, each one coming to distract myself from the previous one. I could see that each new thought would usually trigger a kind of reset in my memory, making me forget my current focus to switch onto the new one, in an indefinite cycle. I guess that's not too far off from reality, to be honest, haha, except that in my current mental state, I could sense immediately whenever that "reset" was triggered, and the realization would instantly make me loop once more. Again, I was trapped in a (seemingly) endless cycle of obsession, since the object of my obsession was now the very moment when a new thought form in your mind, and I was convinced I would keep noticing this process until the end of my life, thus making me theoretically unable to ever think about something else... forever. I let you imagine the sheer terror I felt when I came to this conclusion, which seemed logically indisputable to me at the time. I was absolutely convinced I would never be able to think about anything else that this damned loop, and that I would be transferred to a psychiatry ward the next day. The worst part is I thought I had undisputable logical arguments to support that claim (as the thought process that drove me to this conclusion seemed backed by pure logic and not irrational thinking) During this whole part of the trip, I had a progressive sense of feeling the demonic presence of psychedelics into my brain, that manifested itself through "the voice" and some weird shadow worm hallucinations in the corner of my sight. (like hundreds of dark little tentacles all around my field of vision, that kept squiggling all the time. They evoked me a parasite that would feed on my happiness and remind me until my death how life was now dull, meaningless and a cycle of perpetual suffering). I felt like the drug had opened new realms inside my mind and connected things that should have stayed distant from each other, and now I was stuck in my own head with this demonic entity, trapped on the other side of reality, as I could only watch the outside world through my eyes in despair, reminiscing of my previous happy life, back when I had not broken the process of thinking and my head was working properly. I knew nothing had fundamentally changed in the objective outside world, but now I was trapped in my own head, in a psychedelic mind prison. At that point I had a closed-eye visual of sitting at the bottom of a bottomless hole (I know it makes no sense) and above me were infinite layers of fractal-like weeds made of shadows, waving menacingly above my head. I thought they represented the psychedelic headspace that had swallowed me whole and was now closing in front of me, separating me from my old reality forever. I then spent a couple of minutes on my smartphone, reading on various forums about drugs and mental illnesses, doing research with keywords like LSD, thought loop, obsession, life ruined etc... and I was convinced that I was reading many reports of different people trapped in the same mental state as me, after noticing the same thought patterns I did and after following the same "logical reasoning", giving them the same recursive obsessive thoughts that would now ruin every single second of their lives. When I went back on these sites the next day I realized the stories I had read had actually nothing to do with my own experience, I remember this thread in particular terrified me : https://www.reddit.com/r/PsychologicalTricks/comments/eojn16/pt_how_do_i_get_out_of_a_thought_loop/ and looking back at it I really can't understand why, but the LSD warped my mind in such a way that everything I read was interpreted to fuel my existential anxiety I guess. The only thing that bugged me is that I was genuinely convinced that if I were to explain my "looping issue" to anyone, even sober, they would become crazy and obsessed with their own thought stream as well since I thought it was totally logical and understandable reasoning that drove me insane initially. Therefore, I did not understand why I had never heard of this demonic loop before, as it had the potential to destroy humanity (lol). Was I actually the first-ever human to realize that? It can't be, I just read testimonies of other guys experiencing the same. Then the truth hit me like a truck: It was fake all along, reality never existed and everything was a simulation. My family, my friends, my school... nothing was real. At that point, I was still reading comments online and I thought they came from other people who had taken psychedelics and had broken through the illusion of reality as well (which makes no damn sense since other people were supposed to be fake but actual rational thinking was not an option anymore I guess). All the comments were complaining about being trapped in an eternal time loop now that they had broken their mind and discovered the ultimate truth, so I began to think the same. I was lying in my bed with my headphones on, and I was absolutely convinced that this would be my destiny for eternity. This is, I think, the most distressing state of mind that a human being can find itself in. If I had a gun at this precise moment, I would have blasted my head without a moment's hesitation. The feeling of eternity is truly mind-shattering. I kept coming with reasons to calm down and downplay the issue, trying to find my way out of this nightmare, but every 3 seconds or so, I would have a realization, like the voice was telling me "Oh no no no son, you don't understand how serious this is " and for a split nanosecond I gained a fundamental insight about the true nature of reality and I would realize that I was indeed trapped until eternity, that all my effort to think myself out of this situation were vain, then I would immediately forget about it (I don't think there was actually an insight at all, just an overwhelming feeling of having one), resulting in me trying one more time to think rationally for 3 seconds, only to be crushed again by this intuition, etc... the process repeated itself for an indefinite time. I was listening to random songs on a Spotify playlist that wasn't mine, and this song that I didn't know at the time, "sweet sound of ignorance", started playing : I thought the "universe" (aka the wicked entity that had created my reality and manipulated my life the entire time) was playing this song to mock me and tease me about taking psychedelics to get a deeper understanding of reality, because now that I knew the truth, all I wanted was to forget and get back to my old ignorant self. I love listening to this song nowadays, I find the melody absolutely haunting and it captures perfectly the ethereal feeling of watching the very structure of reality melt in front of your eyes... weird I know but I can't help it so that's a positive aspect of this trip I guess haha Anyway, at that point, I started getting extremely focused on the music randomly played by Spotify, because I felt it was trying to tell me something, I remember thinking it was displaying a summary of my entire life for some reason. My memories are very sparse from that moment, but I remember this song playing : At the sight of the religious imagery on the cover (I didn't even notice the fucking lasers and probes lmao) I instantly felt an intense warmth rushing through my body. I think that for a moment I thought I was God, then I thought I had definitely gone crazy, then I felt like God again. I could feel the inner workings of my mind, the way neurons communicate and the way thoughts and information were conveyed intuitively. At the peak of my delirium, I felt that I was a being of light and that I could communicate with other beings like myself, through a way that didn't require actual thinking somehow, and all these beings were telling me I had found the way to transcend the illusion of reality and the infinite loops of madness, and now I was in the superior realm of fractals where the evil thoughts were unnecessary and I could remain here at peace for eternity. I have absolutely no idea what happened after this. Obviously, I had forgotten a long time ago that I was tripping. When I woke up the next morning, I felt so fucking relieved that I was still my normal self, and that I hadn't gone crazy and obsessed with infinite recurring thought patterns or other weird stuff. I believe all of this experience was just a gigantic psychotic delusion, including the "awakening and transcendence" part. I really do not attribute a deep spiritual meaning to what I lived, for it was most likely the result of extreme suggestibility induced by the drug, coupled with an undisciplined mind and ignorance of its inner working (I'm pretty sure I could have handled these intrusive thoughts after only a few weeks of meditation but at the time I really couldn't stop identifying to them). I did learn to sit the fuck down and stop doing irresponsible shit with such powerful substances. I will definitely trip again but with lower dosages, and only after gaining enough knowledge and mastery over my own mind. Thanks for reading!

Players have been around since forever. You don't need to go to another tribe to pick up girls. Although of course that happened too. You know the first thing that Magellan's men did after they landed on foreign shores in South America after weeks at sea? Go pick up the native chicks. To put that into perspective, that's like astronauts landing on Mars and the first thing they do is go looking for alien girls to fuck.

Permanent enlightenment is Infinity/Absolute Love /Absolute Goodness. All of us finite beings, though we may have woken up, still return to being finite. And to be finite is to be imperfect. It is to wrestle with ego. But reality would be a HELL of a lot better...no pun intended. Crime would be nearly gone, war would be a thing of the past.... That would be a much more conscious, turquoise society, far more advanced - with Love/Pure Consciousness as its focal point. Though not without its imperfections, it would be much like that highly advanced alien society you imagine is out there somewhere - or humanity in 1000 years.

Well... in the capitol the risk is losing democracy and freedom in the Area 51 you can only lose a plastic doll that looks like an alien ?