Strangeloop

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  1. Currently I'm working as a Taxi driver. But what's next? I'm thinking of a Truck driving job. But still I don't know if it's a fiecable idea. I'm living with my parents, the covid has impacted the amount of money I make... I'm trying to get up the ladder, build a business or something. But I'm stuck in an identity I created for myself. It makes me sad... Like I'm someone I'm not. Like I'm fullfilling someone else's dream. I feel like a copy cat. My Godfather has his own taxi firm. I don't work there. My Grandad was a truck driver. Now I'm working in a taxi and thinking of doing the truck driving job. what am I? Can you help me? Can you give me a clare career path to choose? Can I accept me following my families career paths? I'm either the dumbest person or the smartest alive. Thinking that I can keep this family lineage imprented in me, chasing acknowledgement from my family. Not knowing what the future entails... Nothing matters anymore, future, past, present, it's all the same. Hell I didn't even think of being a truck driver myself, my Great Grandmother suggested it. Though it's a different story with a taxi job. The weird that happened is that I told myself one day while I was a taxi's passenger seat: "I'M A TAXI DRIVER" And here I am after 2 years of saying that, sitting in the taxi, driving people from point A to point B.
  2. @MotivatedByMusic177 Well I suggest doing some research. Searching the internet for possible choices. The thing is that once you found your so called purpose, there will be a time where you will want to quit, it will feel hopeless, like there's no point in doing what you are doing. The best thing to do is to stay present and have those emotions run through, letting go of them bit by bit. Your motivation and productivity will come back. You will know what to do and how to do it. Just be patient with it. If you have your basic needs met as of now, there is no rush.
  3. I noticed that whenever I start chatting I most of the time I start to gain momentum and start talking more and more. I had experiences where I just chat like a chatter box without even listening and caring about the other party. And sometimes I'm so quiet that people even say "why are you so quiet?" But the momentum is still there, the more I socialize the better feel I get of people and how my emotions work. So it's needless to say that I'm actually improving. Which brings me to the next point, I start saying something without knowing (atleast it feels that way) what I'm going to say, but I say it anyway to see what kind of words I will say. It's like a lotterry or gambling with cards, or just plain out poker. Strategizing and picking words and sentences which would benefit the other party or/and myself the most amount.
  4. I've had an experience where I stared at a mirror too. After staring for a longer period of time my face started to blur and a new set of eyes came on top of my old eyes. Which looked like someone else's eyes. Like someone from another side of the world was also staring at the mirror and having my set of eyes on top of his or her's. Now I'm on the search for that person who saw those eyes in the mirror. Maybe it's the Love of my Life. 🤔😮
  5. Yeah... to use the mind to explain God is like driving a car with no legs and arms. Not to discourage you(it's a sort of ego game I'm playing here) but spmeone in the future with the right technology could explain God Absolutely and Holistically.
  6. Okay so let's discuss this further. For example If I come up to a girl and start spitting out all this "knowledge" about non-duality and spirituality. Most likely she wouldn't understand but then again if I make it sound appealing then it's a win. And also tone of voice makes a huge difference, even if I say something disturbing but in a sexy voice, would that be appealing to them? I think girls use rationality as well. It's not like they're not capable of rationality. Or if I say something illogical, e.g. I'm a train and a chair because I'm consciousness. What kind of answer would I get? Would be interesting to find out.
  7. I don't know from my point of view, even two people can form a cult. It's starts with one doesn't it? I see it everywhere, the way I behave the way I manipulate people, hell even today I saw how much I influenced one person by just talking to him a month ago, meeting him today and seeing him talking about what I suggested to him. He was desperate for more information, he wanted to know more of what I know so I gave it to him. It's like now I'm his teacher, and I'm not even older than him. So cults I find an interesting topic even if it's sounds like a bad word because people associated it with harmful behaviour. Just how humans follow a person, I can see it myself on how I follow Leo. Or any other person. I wait for them to post videos, to listen to them like a student and I take every word of what they say as truth because I'm so fascinated by how these people came to my life at certain times when I most needed them. But see following them and doing their practices, not thinking for oneself and only trusting the person who you are listening to can be dangerous. That's how all the deaths happen. Even Leo himself said to not take any of his words as belief, but it's so META that I still do it. Even if I try to leave. I still comeback. And I get immersed in the Reality of that community/cult even more to the point where it becomes my life. It's lile a tunnel vision where you only see the Reality you made up but not the Reality that is outside of your Reality (if that makes sense).
  8. Thanks for the replies. It brought me back to a memory of a tv show called "survivor" where this one dude pretty much bullshited his way to success, he manipulated, lied, did everything and anything to sell his bullshit and won the whole game. So from that point of view if I'm not caring about the people I'm bullshitting I could bullshit them to death, unless they are more adept at bullshit. Though I could bullshit to people I care about too. But that makes me what? a bad person? But why would I bullshit to the people I care about? I've done it in the past and the cpnsequences of that are pretty drastic. So my answer to my question would be: Yes I can bullshit my way to success especially if that "success"means Defending my beliefs, manipulating something towards my selfish gain. Or just plain out lying to get that attention and "status" I so much crave.
  9. @EnlightenmentBlog How do people communicate? How can I communicate without making logical sense? Are words even there to communicate or are we chimps spitting out sounds which don't make much sense?
  10. @flowboy That's an eye-opening poem. And yeah The way beatbox comes out of my mouth is really mistycal. I just done a few moments earlier, and I didn't think about doing it, I didn't made a decision to do it, I just did it, I beatboxed and it was natural, calming, peaceful inside, meditative even. Forgot everything I was struggling about. Just beatboxed and went with the flow. Thank you 🙌🙏
  11. What have you done so far?
  12. So I beatbox and I spend 60 euros a month for a coach for beatbox. And basically I don't even apply for calls, which is my fault because I have to set the time on a calander which the coach has. I just have to man up and go to the call. And every time I do I don't feel like it's making me progress any further I just listen to him talk mindlessly showing me techniques of beatbox and I just don't seem to care anymore. I just don't practice my beatbox. Hell I even created my own facebook group where I should be teaching other people to beatbox, but I don't even beatbox myself and makes me a corrupt shitface which doesn't have discipline and will to practice the craft to get better at it. I'm being hard on myself I know. And Leo talks about letting go... So I want to let go, all of it, but the other part doesn't want this. I don't know... Can you give me advice?
  13. It's so dark with you guys.
  14. Then I get asked the question "why?" I just answer "that's why" Without giving the actual answer to the person. I can't come up with an answer because I can't come up for a reason to come up for an answer. I myself am a taxi driver and as a taxi driver I ask the question why to my clients. Most of them don't answer. Maybe I kill their egos by asking that or something I don't know, but those who answered they just answered "I don't know".
  15. Why we want a reason then? What's the reason of asking the questipn"why?" The reason is to get the reason. Then what is the reason used for? To rationalize? If that's the case then we could say the reason we ask for a reason is to have a reason for a reason.