Seemore

Member
  • Content count

    28
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Seemore

  • Rank
    Newbie

Personal Information

  • Gender
  1. It can't be found at all actually as there is nothing to find it
  2. Dude meditates 10 hours a day I try looking for more videos because I want to practice and live this way https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-rVArIOYJs&t=26s
  3. I may be the laziest person alive currently. All I do is sit around smoke drink listen to music daydream and watch entertaining videos while I am 25 with no goals no desire for anything but occasionally sex but kinda gave that up as I don't even have a car. I live at my moms and I barely eat as I am usually drinking or I am just to lazy. I wear the same clothes for a week but whatever. I really don't see myself getting any job or any friends or really anything. I am diagnosed with scitzophrenia recently so I have government money stacked. Ever since I got out of the mental hospital spending every night contemplating weather I should fucking hang myself I been on easy mode and I don't think I will change. When I think about leaving my moms I just think where I am going to die. I have the house to myself all day except this puppy my mom got me which is nice I guess. I take care of it. I wasn't always such a failure as a human though. I had a huge awakening when I was a teenager and tried many times to flee off into the wilderness with my skills and determination to have the highest wisdom I could imagine. I am a very attractive person so believe me I have up everything to live as a sage. I even left the US to live in the Australian rainforest until I basically died. I spent long cold nights almost freezing too. Everywhere I went was temporary because it was just making me insane sometimes. I have traveled across the US coast to coast living in some amazing places. Some horrifying places. I had gave up my virginity as a prostitute as well. I had hep c from heroin. I did things I never had the mind to even think about doing. What drove me to the mental institution was something I wish someone could relate to I will try and tell it. So I reached enlightenment and let me tell you, It's a whole freight train of responsibility. When it first hit me it was unbelievable. I was with someone and I just felt a shear savage feeling, a tension I noticed of having the ability to kill anyone. The power of this enlightenment was so serious yet so understanding. It makes you almost super human. Honestly it was scary not knowing if I was going to control it inside of me or not but that's when you decide if you want to raise your awareness and roll with it hard and watch yourself or Idk but I felt like I might fight the dude for nothing but being around me. I was led into a series of awakenings and for that you must know what brought up this enlightenment in the first place because I was communicating with another soul my love through sixth sense body mind and soul shit though I have no idea where she lived. Yeah many times I when I had Internet available a girl was let known of how I was, in my mind and she could just sense everything about me and it was a special connection, for five years or so, on and off, this was the only sentimental connection I had with the world, she was all of it. Eventually shit just got too rough for me and I didn't know this whole time if she even liked me the way I did her so discreetly I let her go. I was in a very healthy place in my mind when I did this. After I got done saying what I said I let myself move on in my mind and it was hard but I had a giant sense of relief about it. So much I was just happy thinking about my life without her and all the trouble I put myself through wondering how she felt and everything. I realized a whole phase of my life was behind me and I just sat in peace and felt better and better and it just fucking hit me. It was like I started to get high like the first time I ever smoked weed. It came in waves and just super unbelievable because I was thinking it would last forever. I remember just walking away from camp from my friend and just like I was talking to the universe with plants everywhere and the feeling like everything loved me. Okay so back to that feeling about the seriousness and wanting to kill my friend again. I was led into a series of awakenings. The one that got me fucked up was I thought my girl who I talked to so long finally sent me our love and I started something crazy with her, I immediately told her I know you love me this and that because I thought it was her. My body was vibrating and man I was on another planet. Fair warning this is a long story. I was camping out talking to god all that night and feeling the universe. I could not sleep and before the sun came out I just started walking in an unknown direction because I was just extremely overwhelmed and just ultimately exited for what the next chapter of my life entails. I saw a Casino miles away through the desert and so that's where I went. Feeling the stars giving me power I felt eternal walking through that desert 100%. I got there and I was freaking out because I always had trouble acting normal around people but now, haha. Yeah I could have sworn I met the Devil in that casino. This man was studying me and started mocking me while I was having trouble deciding what to get for food and laughed when I forgot something. It's weird how things work when you are being tested or you have something to let go of. I had nowhere to sleep so I found myself a little garden as the sun was coming up and man I was going through it. There were bugs flying at my face and I believed they were female spirits teaching me lessons and shit. I thought I was the next coming of Christ for sure. Okay so the next day I went back to a place I knew of I could chill out. After looking for my girl to show up at the casino and looking for signs and yelling at strangers "I know it's okay!" I made it to one of my other desert camps. I wanted to chill and just drink a beer and settle but I was narrating everything I was doing like it was the end of the world. I didn't have my phone I couldn't talk to the woman and I needed to know why the universe is giving me so much energy and love. I had to nearly cover my head as not to have multiple siezures this day. The same day I swore a bird came talking to me and invited his whole crew to come see me as well as a group of wild pigs. Yeah shit was real and later my feet and hands started to get really sore like chi was overflowing in them. I went to McDonald's and the first thing the cashier said to me was "ooo my hands are hot". This wasn't the only time this happened either. Yeah well A lot more went down but it's a bit painful going through it all but let me skip to the end before I admitted myself. I tried living in nature, people in homeless shelters thought I was Jesus and I changed people's lives but I was terrified of people. I ended up drinking non stop until I lost it and I was fucked up so bad. It felt like I was being tortured every minute. I could NOT sit still for the life of me and I couldn't hardly move either I mean physically. Not after I woke up cold as hell and something like guilt shame fear and failure hit me in my chest all at once in full panic mode. I turned into the weakest boy you ever seen for weeks. I don't have what it takes anymore
  4. I took a couple sips of alcohol as I was getting again familiar with a place I been many times, I had a friend who traveled the country and I would join him for better or worse many a time. I recently ended the best gf relationship I had been in and I let her go due to circumstances since I never had any money. Once I took that sip I was instantly relieved thinking my situation over and I felt love for myself and where I was at physically for the first time. I had no end to traveling and camping out as long as I continued my best friends friendship. I just came from roughly ng it on the streets and letting go of the only thing I had love for, my gf. I shared everything with her online and she never had anything to criticize. I gave my best in life and I happened to be saved by an anonymous friendship I met randomly out while hitchhiking. I think circumstances and environment play a huge part of wellbeing. So as I sipped my everlasting beer I (I am a romantic) I began to feel a deep peace within me as well as sub communication in my brain. I started to hear my ex. In the past she has foreseen my future and let me know to be open as possible in situations before they had even come up and I truly trustee her. I started to feel a oneness inside of me and such great comfort she became audible in my mind I became just grateful I had an open heart and visa versa for my entire relationship. I always allow everything to come and pass but this feeling of gratefulness started to transform into something much more universal, so to say. I looked around as my good friend was there and I just felt as everything was so alive, all the plants and the sky... I told my friend I needed to be alone for a little as it became a bit overwhelming. The feeling began to grow imensely... I could almost hear, happy plants etherial spirits, amd angels communicating to me. On my hike I was just smiling and so full of energy and love for this. Remind you I recently was down on my luck without a dollar for weeks sleeping on the street before I ran into my friend. I started to feel like this was actually life I just missed out until now. I took it cool and went back to camp to relax and have a fantastic time. I can't recall how I felt right after that but I will tell you I went through a journey for weeks high on this love, or liberation or whatever you want to label it. Later that night I felt my chest chalkras just had a absoletely homey feel to them and I would sit there all night and talk to my ex girlfriend through telepathy. I fully believe still she was high from this as well but I was so happy and comfortable. It started irritating me when I had to go and pack my camping gear to move and converse with my friend when I didn't want to. I mean I was high on life for real. Two days pass and I was just emersed in my mind. I couldn't walk right or talk right I was overflowed with power. One night I left camp because I believed I could do just anything and I started walking through miles of desert. The moon was loving me I just started to glow in the night. I had visions of being eternal and visiting all the planets and living just forever I was so happy and responsible for this. I was in control of life itself through me. I wasn't on anything it was natural, but I have indeed chased enlightenment for many years, suffering... So I walked to the nearest civilized life, a casino, right in the middle of the desert, I finally got to smoke a cigarette and proceed to meet all these beautiful entities. (Entities is a low form of expression) I was so nervous I just walked without looking at anyone. I got to an icecream stand I decided I could stop for a second. I was so nervous it took my like5 minutes to decide what flavor I wanted. Finally I got it and guess what. As I was getting done ordering another guy came up he looked like a million dollars (I had camping clothes and a broken bookbag) he was mocking me right in my face, like looking at all ye flowers back and fourth and laughing at me. I left and I turned around and he was discreetly laughing like he found the reason he is alive or something. I pictured him as the Devil himself. I happened to leave my water where he was as I was leaving so I went and got it. After I got it I looked back and he looked like the saddest person I ever seen... I was tripping but that was a moment of human emotion at it's finest. So anyway, I left my friend I explained to him I needed to be alone and I I was back to the nitty griddy. Mind you I believed truth was everywhere to be seen by now. Long story short I believed a group of nats where all talking to me as females and I was the savior of everything and being male made me obsolete. I talked to multiple animals some calling me asshole and some appreciating me. I thought I was Jesus. I read a little bit of the Bible and started crying, I talked to girls believing I was talking to my ex, I was just talking to the universe. Long story short I am homeless right now with nowhere to sleep. Have a good night.
  5. I took a couple sips of alcohol as I was getting again familiar with a place I been many times, I had a friend who traveled the country and I would join him for better or worse many a time. I recently ended the best gf relationship I had been in and I let her go due to circumstances since I never had any money. Once I took that sip I was instantly relieved thinking my situation over and I felt love for myself and where I was at physically for the first time. I had no end to traveling and camping out as long as I continued my best friends friendship. I just came from roughly ng it on the streets and letting go of the only thing I had love for, my gf. I shared everything with her online and she never had anything to criticize. I gave my best in life and I happened to be saved by an anonymous friendship I met randomly out while hitchhiking. I think circumstances and environment play a huge part of wellbeing. So as I sipped my everlasting beer I (I am a romantic) I began to feel a deep peace within me as well as sub communication in my brain. I started to hear my ex. In the past she has foreseen my future and let me know to be open as possible in situations before they had even come up and I truly trustee her. I started to feel a oneness inside of me and such great comfort she became audible in my mind I became just grateful I had an open heart and visa versa for my entire relationship. I always allow everything to come and pass but this feeling of gratefulness started to transform into something much more universal, so to say. I looked around as my good friend was there and I just felt as everything was so alive, all the plants and the sky... I told my friend I needed to be alone for a little as it became a bit overwhelming. The feeling began to grow imensely... I could almost hear, happy plants etherial spirits, amd angels communicating to me. On my hike I was just smiling and so full of energy and love for this. Remind you I recently was down on my luck without a dollar for weeks sleeping on the street before I ran into my friend. I started to feel like this was actually life I just missed out until now. I took it cool and went back to camp to relax and have a fantastic time. I can't recall how I felt right after that but I will tell you I went through a journey for weeks high on this love, or liberation or whatever you want to label it. Later that night I felt my chest chalkras just had a absoletely homey feel to them and I would sit there all night and talk to my ex girlfriend through telepathy. I fully believe still she was high from this as well but I was so happy and comfortable. It started irritating me when I had to go and pack my camping gear to move and converse with my friend when I didn't want to. I mean I was high on life for real. Two days pass and I was just emersed in my mind. I couldn't walk right or talk right I was overflowed with power. One night I left camp because I believed I could do just anything and I started walking through miles of desert. The moon was loving me I just started to glow in the night. I had visions of being eternal and visiting all the planets and living just forever I was so happy and responsible for this. I was in control of life itself through me. I wasn't on anything it was natural, but I have indeed chased enlightenment for many years, suffering... So I walked to the nearest civilized life, a casino, right in the middle of the desert, I finally got to smoke a cigarette and proceed to meet all these beautiful entities. (Entities is a low form of expression) I was so nervous I just walked without looking at anyone. I got to an icecream stand I decided I could stop for a second. I was so nervous it took my like5 minutes to decide what flavor I wanted. Finally I got it and guess what. As I was getting done ordering another guy came up he looked like a million dollars (I had camping clothes and a broken bookbag) he was mocking me right in my face, like looking at all ye flowers back and fourth and laughing at me. I left and I turned around and he was discreetly laughing like he found the reason he is alive or something. I pictured him as the Devil himself. I happened to leave my water where he was as I was leaving so I went and got it. After I got it I looked back and he looked like the saddest person I ever seen... I was tripping but that was a moment of human emotion at it's finest. So anyway, I left my friend I explained to him I needed to be alone and I I was back to the nitty griddy. Mind you I believed truth was everywhere to be seen by now. Long story short I believed a group of nats where all talking to me as females and I was the savior of everything and being male made me obsolete. I talked to multiple animals some calling me asshole and some appreciating me. I thought I was Jesus. I read a little bit of the Bible and started crying, I talked to girls believing I was talking to my ex, I was just talking to the universe. Long story short I am homeless right now with nowhere to sleep. Have a good night.
  6. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kJI06eGY8po Grandmaster Wolf teaches his students enlightenment through his physical classes as well.
  7. I get a nice check every month, live in an oasis of trees, desert, pond and animal life with a nice shelter. I have unlimited internet and a couple friends who I visit and a booty call. The rest of my life is set. I can drink myself to death and be content or be conscious about things that don't matter to me anymore. I was never responsible in first place haha
  8. When I was 18 I had already dropped out of school and planned to live alone in nature for for the rest of my life. I had friends and family members I discontinued talking to abruptly and left to Australia, half a world away. Everyone said either they were jelous or that I needed help but I didn't have any room to consider any other option or feeling. I was going to die in nature one way or another, I had many girlfriends by then and I had been high from everything a teenager could have wanted, I was the king before I lost my mind researching all things mysticism and supernatural enlightenment. One day out of the blue I was chosen to live a great life full of wisdom. I denounced everything I ever experienced and began my life as a safe at age 17. It killed me to live in some small town where everything was the same for everyone. Nobody was on my level. I became vegan and flew off to the jungle without notifying anyone. Fuck my parents and fuck everyone, you are all pieces of shit and guilty for the grunt survival of millions, I was going to learn how to become God himself and show everyone what nature in the mind can really achieve. I would have astral projections, I began seeing demons and angels, In my mind I have killed both and became incredibly sensitive to compassion and what freedom entails. As of right now I have lived alone for 8 years wandering the globe exposed to the suffering of the homeless as well as the severe elements so I am strong physically and mentally. I have drank from a finest cup and smoked the best narcotics at this point. I am detached from any notion of place or time. Once I gave all of my thoughts to a lady and she believed were were eternally inseperable. 5 years of denial. I now have SSI from suicidal hospitalizations where I absolutely played the system. The only thing I do now besides meditate is listen to mystical melodic instrumentals and create rock paintings, where I can talk to my higher self in terms of gratitude for the smallest incling of non dual experience. Due to drugs I my dopeamine levels are nearly non existent. I don't need food anymore, I survive on connection to the world. I am. I may die but it is not by my allowance and that's okay. I am content being a homeless non contributing piece of shit. And I may learn how to thank myself through you one day. That's all.
  9. I have been homeless for a number of years, I have seen what time can do to the scared and desperate. I have seen pure hatred for life where a person will beligerantly cuss at everything in their way constantly with a completely dirty outfit, discusting teeth and hair, with nothing to do but be hateful towards everyone while having nothing in life at all not even a place to sit and relax from being scorched by the sun, trust me that's how it was for him. I wondered if I could ever get like that how could I possibly not kill myself. The more I went through life having that come up in thought, which is more often then it probably should've, the less I blamed him. I have attempted suicide a couple times because I had no hope or forsight to be content. That's what drove that man into a hateful existence I believe, he had no room for contentment as his life slid into a bottomless pit of shit. I am currently homeless but I am lucky enough to survive away from civilization and having to live in the hell of believing in God, karma, comparison, and judgement. That shit is a never ending cycle. I am homeless by choice, I am 25 and meditate and wander around my desert oasis in Arizona 24/7, dream loving dreams, eat whatever I choose to carry, read cool books but mostly contemplate how eternal my peace will be. I wish more people could relate and so you have my best wishes! All I ever did was be an introvert as hard as it is. Astrology opened my eyes after I believed aliens were looking out for me, they weren't.
  10. Pretend to feel the fruit and look at the particular spots on it, I imagine a pear. It's done
  11. @freejoy Will have to check that out thanks