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Thanks Leo, great stuff as always. I'm excited to see this new specialization and focus on "psychedelic awakening". Regarding what everyone is talking about, IMO the psychedelics help to open your mind and give insights, but the work is in the following days integrating and meditating on what you learned. This doesnt need to turn into "psychedelics vs meditation" In Leos pov meditation is a "waste of time" because he is solely focused on God realization. i meditate everyday to find more joy in simply existing in sober plain reality, no matter what i've realized or am conscious of. I don't meditate for God realization, that is where psychedleics can come in. The two balance each other out. Psychedelics can also heal you on a deeper level than possible through meditation, they work on your subconscious. Im doing a 2 week ayahuasca retreat in peru in about a month, solely for the deep healing body and mind benefits, and with that hopefully some God awakenings. But my main goal is and always will be; bliss, here and now, sober, while doing nothing. <3

@levani What was previously believed to be “a body “ is infinite intelligence (actual wisdom). You could say this is fully realized when you let go of the ‘inner bodies’ to the most subtle (love-bliss).

these are from a playlist of mine ive entitled "bliss-chill"

Finally awakened, jeez that was a tough journey. So the tail end of it was, I started getting existential terror again. Which is what I got a lot back in mid 2020, yet this time it felt like another awakening, but it was a bit scary because i was feeling like the external world didn't exist, which freaked me out a bit. I also started forgetting time, what day it was and the date all sober, which again was a bit scary. It all started because i had figured out a way of dieting and also reducing my reliance on sex all with my mind. Instead of eating healthy food, I just started imagining eating healthy food. Instead of having sex I just started imagining that I was having sex. After doing this for a while, I couldn't tell the difference between my imagination and the external world, which scared me a bit because i felt like the external world was disappearing. Then I started getting this feeling that everything in the external world is my imagination and that the 2 aren't separate. So me imagining im eating a chocolate = me eating a chocolate in the external world. Which made the external world feel like a dream even more then it was. I also started getting a very strong sense that all the people in my life don't exist. They are empty surfaces. Which again freaked me out a bit. So if they are empty surfaces, then whose the one controlling those surfaces? Me or Universal Love. So the entire existence started feeling really really small because it was only me and Universal Love. I mistakenly started thinking that Universal Love was a magnificent woman energy who would manifest as different girls i liked, and people I spent time with, and that this magnificent woman energy was pretending to not know who she was and pretending to be other people, but deep down knew she was universal love energy/me. So all the people in my life just started seeming like the same universal love woman that im in love with/trying to get to, which again made things feel really small because its just me and her the entire time. Then all of a sudden the external world shattered and decomposed/deconstructed into feelings only. At the end of the day, the external world is a bunch of feelings, once you take the outer surfaces away. That kinda made me feel like eyes were a conspiracy theory, you can't see anything, just feel energy. These feelings took on the persona of different machine elves for a while, to help me understand the vast array of feelings and how they intertwine and work which gave me clarity even though machine elves was just more imagination. I get this on trips all the time, instead of the world being made of atoms, its made of fractals and machine elves all talking to each other, and them talking to each other is the different feelings you feel or different energy. Then finally the machine elves disappeared and feeling just decomposed into... feelings haha. I lost my desire to figure out what death was, and what happens when you die, because for me now, the desire to figure out what death is, is just feelings, which means its got nothing to do with figuring out death at all. Besides, death relies on the existence of the external world, death doesn't make sense when the external world shatters. Its just feelings doing things. Riding a bike is just feelings, getting shot in the head and reincarnating into different forms is just feelings, can use machine elves as a meditation aid to help you keep conscious of the feelings, but its just feelings. And its just feelings or another way of saying it, just understanding, pure understanding, pure abstract, external worldless, surfaceless, concreteless, conceptless, agendaless, egoless, understanding. Or pure love, whatever floats ya boat. Love doesn't resonate with me personally. So what happens when you die? The answer is inside the question, the question decomposes into feeling/understanding when you remove concepts and the external world and everything almost, and that's death too, feeling/understanding, like everything. The thing is, the deepest understanding is pure abstract feeling, so anything other then that is less deep, lool. And this experience has taught me that, all of my psychedelic trips were trying to tell me this and i just didn't get the message, but also that the key to a good life is to feel it. That's it, that's literally as deep as it gets. And it does get deeper and deeper and deeper, but it gets deeper through feeling more and more and more. I was kinda worried that if I didn't understand death in this lifetime, that i would suffer in the next lifetime, so i kept going hardcore at seeking what death was, little did I know that pursuing that quest was literally the realization of my worst fear/concern. HA! You can avoid suffering in your next lifetime, and do stuff like transfer prana to your next life to help you there, etc, but it comes from listening to feeling and getting good at dealing with feeling then it does any other way. This was an exceptionally long journey, 6 years about, and at the end of the day the answer was the simplest thing ever, yet radical radical stuff, crazy experiences, insanity, massive explosions of horror and bliss was all needed to finally accept and be this truth, because if i didn't go through all that crap, I would of been asking "what if..." "what if feeling isnt the answer" "what if its this instead" "what if its that instead" and then i would of drifted off, it takes a massively long and brutal journey to finally be satisfied with something so simple and to say "ah nah its definitely this, because i tried that, and that and this and the other and those don't work because..." And the other cool thing too is... have you noticed no matter how deep your realization, how high your psychedelic dose is, that its all just feeling? HA! Not shit Sherlock. I'm kinda satisfied now with the realization that God/the universe/consciousness is a sneaky beast who gives you the answers when you stop seeking them. Who gives you everything you want when you stop asking for them, who gives you all the understanding in the world when you stop trying to encapsulate her in an insight or an awakening experience! And you just let her be.

@The0Self Hmm that's a good point. See the thing is. When I stop seeking, it's like so what. If I'm just present without seeking energy, this isn't satisfying. It feels like I'm just playing a waiting game sometimes. Like I'm aware of my own presence. But it's not peaceful or joyful or anything. So it just seems like i'm waiting for the presence of myself to turn into bliss and clarity Also, but what about conscious intention and goals? Do you have any directionality or control over what happens?

I hear you. Nice response. I'll check it out, I remember a few years ago I used to whisper gabriel and I'd get a wave of bliss, I always wondered if it was related to archangel gabriel. I like to judge the validity of stuff based on the vibration/presence of the people advocating for it, and I get a sense that you are speaking honestly.

Transmissions are the most powerful tool to increase your baseline Consciousness. I can't believe they are so little known. I think one reason is that oftentimes when people try transmissions, they feel nothing at first. For Transmissions to work best, you need to be sensitive. Many are not sensitive enough, but by repeatedly receiving transmissions you increase your sensitivity and the transmissions become more and more powerful. Another reason is that many transmissions have been around only for a very short time. I believe the popularity of transmissions will explode within the next years. The main aim of transmissions is to slowly increase you baseline consciousness, but many transmissions also have an immediate short term effect and can get you into Samadhi, like for example pure Divinity and SAT and to a lesser extend Shaktipat and KAP. (this Post about dimensions of Consciousness is foundational to some things I will mention here) There are two different kinds of Transmissions 1. Aura Transmission That's the classical transmission. You sit beside an enlightened guru and by his presence your consciousness alters. This works because everyone has an energy field, an aura, and whenever you are around someone (to a small extend even when you merely think about someone) your auras overlap and affect each other. That's how you sometimes pick up emotions of other people (though you usually don't recognize this and believe they are your own emotions). For example Ramana Maharshi gave these kinds of Transmissions. I believe sitting with Sadhguru, Mooji or Eckart Tolle would also give you this kind of transmission (varying strength of course). And I believe every Shaktipat Transmission also works like that. 2. Channeled Transmission Here the person channels an external energy. For example: RASA, SAT and Light transmission. With pure Divinity and KAP I'm not entirely sure whether they are channeled. Here are the most powerful transmissions I know of: - Pure Divinity The only person I know of who can give this transmission is Gareth Duignam. In this video he talks about pure Divinity and how he became able to give it (happened just a few weeks ago). As far as I know, you need to be in ParaBrahman to be able to give it. For me the state of consciousness the transmission puts me in just feels like pure Divinity lol. I believe this is the most powerful transmission for enlightenment. And Gareth and many people who have been receiving pure Divinity also say that it is the most powerful transmission. You can receive pure Divinity in a one on one session with Gareth, or during his Zoom Meditations (Tuesdays and Fridays) (the zoom meditations are currently either a combination of pure Divinity and SAT or pure Divinity and Shaktipat), or in his live YouTube transmissions (every Monday) (currently pure Divinity + SAT), or in a normal youtube transmission video like this: Gareth also holds weekend online intensives once or twice each month. - SAT Transmission Also called Supramental Force. Explained in this video. Gareth can give SAT, as well as Sat Shree. SAT is said to come from Brahman. I guess you could consider Brahman as the formless Godhead. And the purpose of this transmission is to get to Brahman. SAT is by far the most powerful transmission for Brahman Consciousness and therfore is my favourite transmission. Brahman Consciousness is similar to what is experienced during conscious sleep, therefore SAT is also helpful for sleep yoga. After having been receiving SAT for some time, my baseline is a bit closer to that formless Brahman Consciousness. But the most significant impact of SAT has been on my meditations which are also closer to Brahman Consciousness now. Peak states feel very close to Brahman Consciousness. During these, my recognition dimension is in Brahman Consciousness and the depth/immersion dimension seems close (recognition and depth dimension explained here). That means it's a very altered state of consciousness. But this is not solely because of SAT, it obviously also has to do with my high baseline consciousness, high sensitivity and brainwave skills from sleep yoga. But I am very sure that SAT has its good share. There has undoubtedly been a deepening of the depth dimension due to SAT. So I think this is the main thing you can expect from SAT, an impact on your depth dimension, mainly during meditation but also a bit on your baseline. This is also what most people report, very deep meditation. Some experience dropping in and out of consciousness (including me sometimes) which might maybe be Nirvikalpa Samadhi. A very nice thing about SAT (and pure Divinity maybe too) is that once you are strongly connected to the force, it will start to automatically come down randomly during the day but mainly during meditation. And you begin to be able to channel it yourself. Also if you often join the zoom group transmissions, you will naturally get connected to the group. Many people have been reporting to get transmissions during times when Gareth gives a transmission to someone else of the group, because of the conection to the group. This also happens if you meditate at the same time as the zoom transmissions, though it is more powerful to actually join. (this also applies to pure Divinity and I think for his Shaktipat also) The aim of SAT is Brahman Consciousness but that doesn't mean you will get there. Brahman Consciousness is an extremely advanced state. I assume the vast majority of spiritual teachers aren't able to enter that state, probably never been there. Even with psychedelics it is rare to reach it (Brahman Consciousness means completely dissolving the dream, your room is gone, as well as body sensations). - RASA RASA is very effective to increase your recognition dimension (up until a certain point). Once at LOC 1000 you are probably subtly conscious of God, Love, Nothingness and Oneness. How strongly you will be conscious depends on factors like your genetics, brain chemistry before RASA, how much spiritual progress you have made apart from RASA,... RASA is what got me from normal human consciousness into woke consciousness (around 2 years ago). Though it was subtle (because it only addresses the recognition dimension). I started from the LOC 570s and I think it took me around 13 1on1 sessions or so until LOC 1000. You can receive 1on1 RASA sessions from Ramaji or Ananda, or any other RASA giver (I think they have half the price). Ramaji and Ananda also hold monthly zoom meetings with RASA at the end. They also uploaded some of them (including the RASA) to YouTube . To learn more about the LOC 1000 model, read Ramaji's book "1000". - Shaktipat The purpose of Shaktipat is to awaken your kundalini. Once fully awake (which is very rare) you are automatically in a higher baseline consciousness. But the most significant effect of kundalini is Bliss. The more awake your kundalini, the higher your Bliss (baseline but mainly meditations). For me Shaktipat puts me in a deep and blissful meditation. It has also resulted in much progress in kundalini awakening. After a few weeks of receiving Shaktipat several times a week + watching Shaktipat youtube videos during meditation + some kriya supreme fire I experienced vibrations in my spine (during meditation, when focusing on the spine) (I had done around 500 hours of kundalini yoga up until this point, and my meditations were already energetic from invoking spirits). The vibrations were pulsating up and down. First they went till the 3rd chakra, then the 4th, then 5th, and eventually into the brain (maybe 1-2 weeks later). Upon that, I experienced strong literal bliss going up my spine, putting me into deep bliss, sometimes ecstasy. This lasted for a few weeks, and was strongest during meditation. Then it subsided. But during meditation around 20-80% of the bliss is still there, depending on the quality of the meditation. I believe my kundalini is partially awake, but not fully. People I know of who can give strong Shaktipat: Jan Esmann He probably gives the strongest Shaktipat, particularly if you get to sit around him. He does intensives in Europe, if you can join one, that would probably be quite an experience. Gareth's kundalini fully woke up during an intensive with Jan. Jan also woke up Diana's kundalini. He also gives shaktipat in absentia. He charges a mala necklace and mails it to you. I got one, and can recommend it. He also holds Zoom Transmissions every Tuesday. And has YouTube transmissions . Kai Shanti I think her transmissions are a combination of shaktipat and God's Grace. They are quite strong for me. The state of consciousness it puts me in is a bit similar to the one from pure Divinity. So it is divine, blissful and energetic. Very recommended. She speaks an intuitive light language during the transmissions, and is also very psychic, so she can for example see blockages you have. She gives 1 on 1 transmissions as well as weekly live group transmissions on learnitlive.com . You can get a learnitlive membership for around $8 a month and then can join these sessions for free. She also has transmissions on YouTube . Gareth Gareth gives Shaktipat in 1 on 1 sessions, as well as in zoom group sessions (currently in combination with pure Divinity) and he also has some Shaktipat transmissions on Youtube. Advaitashram They have several Shaktipat givers. They offer 1 on 1 sessions as well as weekly zoom sessions on Tuesday and Wednesday. Website Kip He sells audios charged with Shaktipat. Try the free samples on his website, I immediately felt an effect from the Kali one. I bought all of them and, using Audacity, layered them into one audio. I currently listen to it during meditation (+plus video transmissions from Gareth). You could even get the audio of all kundalini transmissions on youtube and layer these audios in as well. Just make sure to export the audio in wav and I forgot how it's called but in audacity on the bottom on the left there is a number at around 48 000. Turn it to 92 000 or so (I don't remember the exact number). Thus you ensure to not lose any quality. Kip also has free audios on his YouTube channel but I guess the paid versions are more potent. Siddhanta Yoga She gives one on one sessions and has YouTube transmissions. - KAP KAP is explained in this video. Kap is a transmission to activate the kundalini. KAP leads to kriyas in many participants (there are many different youtube videos where you can see it). Most people have small movements, some have very big and some none. It usually takes some sessions till movements start. For me they started after around 5 sessions. But they were small/subtle, and stayed that way, and I don't think they might increase more. The movements are mostly subtle pulsatings of the spine. In the beginning, the movements require some conscious effort, but eventually they kinda happen on their own, without conscious involvement. But they can be stopped at any moment (in 99,9% cases). From my experience KAP does help to awaken the kundalini. In fact, my biggest kundalini success (when the vibrations finally entered the brain and the big Bliss started) happened during a KAP session (or right after, I don't remember). Despite this I think that purely for a kundalini awakening, Shaktipat is more powerful. While KAP does help in kundalini awakening, the focus is one purification. Purification of your energy system as well as emotional purification. Doing KAP before your kundalini awakening will probably result in a more smooth kundalini rising (because of less blockages) (my kundalini awakening was smooth and blissful). That is one benefit of KAP. If you are someone who is faced with emotional stuff while tripping, I recommend KAP sessions. Similarly to Shamanic Breathing, they purify and release emotional stuff. Most people only experience emotional stuff during KAP sessions, and nothing nondual. But that's probably because of their baseline, most of them don't even know about enlightenment. I do experience some subtle effect on nondualness. The main effect of KAP is longterm baseline. Many people report being more at peace and more blissful. I think KAP does help for enlightenment, but not as much as other transmissions. The focus of KAP seems to be on personal development (purification and releasing shadow stuff and so on). On this site is a list of many KAP facilitators, most of them give 1on1 online sessions, and many of them give in person group sessions (if you're lucky to live nearby). And on this site is a list of those who offer online zoom group sessions. I've had KAP with at least 5 different facilitators (group zoom) and while all of them are good, Diana Kasperska is the most skilled. She is a lot more spiritually evolved and seems to be the only one doing enlightenment work. She's also a bit psychic and sometimes perceives some stuff about you during the transmission, like blockages, and then can tell you about it after the transmission. If you book group zoom sessions with Diana, book via her Website there you (currently) get them 33% cheaper if you book several at once. - Light Transmissions Light Transmissions seem to be similar to RASA. Gareth gives Light Transmissions in 1on1 sessions, and says that his Light Transmissions have a similar effect as RASA. There are many light transmissions on Youtube. I think most of them work well, but I don't think these are as powerful as RASA. The Transmissions from Imogen seem to stand out, but I assume RASA is still more powerful. Anyway, she gives weekly live transmissions on Youtube and has normal video transmissions. The different transmissions affect different dimensions of Consciousness: Predominantly recognition dimension: RASA, Light Transmissions Predominantly depth/immersion dimension: SAT, Shaktipat, KAP Both dimensions somewhat equally: Pure Divinity, Kai Shanti's transmission Transmissions can be really powerful to increase your baseline if done over a long period. The more you do, the more sensitive you get, and the more powerful they become. My first transmissions (RASA) were all subtle. Only now, after much energy work, immediate effects of transmissions are really strong. Over the time, I've learnt how to channel these transmissions myself, and since maybe 2 weeks, these transmissions are similarly strong for me as those given by someone else. When I receive transmissions from someone else nowadays, I channel myself at the same time, making the session extra potent . The quickest way to become more sensitive to transmissions is to receive many transmissions. Always let a youtube transmission play during meditation. You can even let them play while doing stuff like reading. And any energy work in general also benefits that process, especially kriya supreme fire. here I posted some more YouTube transmissions. The zoom group transmissions are always much cheaper than the 1on1 transmissions, and some are on donation basis. So do maaaany. As many as you can. I used to attend to up to 10 zoom group transmissions a week. (that was a few months ago) The progress I made since then is crazy. In one month doing all these transmissions I made probably more progress than within the 12 months before that. The more you do, the more effects you get, except with RASA and Light Transmissions, it seems like doing them more than once a week doesn't speed things up. All transmissions are different and hit the ego from a different angel, so it is a good idea to do many different ones. Generally, 1on1 sessions are more powerful than group sessions: in person (not online) > 1 on 1 session > live zoom > live youtube > normal youtube - How to make a transmission session more powerful: meditate a few minutes beforehand. I recommend kriya supreme fire (particularly before shaktipat transmissions) try to be receptive Once you are advanced, try to channel the energy at the same time For your normal mediation sessions you can experiment with following: I found that the larger and the closer the screen, the stronger the transmission (but only a subtle difference) It seems that playing several transmission videos at once can make it more powerful. You can use different devices, and open several windows at the same time. I actually mixed more than 10 videos into one new video, I think the software I used is called Filmora9. Doing this really seemed to increase the potency. But sometimes I'm not sure, currently I mainly meditate to single videos. Experiment. You can mix the same video several times, or many different ones. - Ability to give aura transmissions: To be able to give the first kind of transmissions, the "aura transmissions", the most important requirement is to have a strong depth/immersion baseline consciousness. The recognition dimension has pretty much no value for that. Apart from that it's also helpful to have a very strong aura, the best practices for that is receiving transmissions, channeling energies and invoking spirits. Share your experiences with transmissions

I just made a post about this. You go through suffering so you understand that living in duality is not normal. It's an illusion, the mind controls everything by the threat of suffering and illusory feeling of bliss when you dance how you were conditioned to dance. If you go through all of the dukka nanas up to equanimity, it's clear that this duality is utterly hopeless and there's nothing for you to even be 1% blissfull about. There's no happiness in the mind, there's just the threat of suffering, and that threat collapses once you realise that. At least for a while. Read my post or just read https://www.mctb.org/mctb2/table-of-contents/part-iv-insight/30-the-progress-of-insight/5-dissolution-entrance-to-the-dark-night/

Many of the most enjoyable things in life - to read and write, meditate, drink wine and laugh with a good friend, enjoy the bliss of mother earth - you can have without being Barack Obama. Obama doesn't have anything over you except perhaps a nicer bed (and even that you can buy), more sycophants around, and many history books written about him (many of them negative). He also needs to stop for a damn selfie everywhere he goes. Do you really want to be Obama?

So I did a 10 day silent retreat and had an awakening during my meditation where it was like my mind had a quality of peace and bliss and love. Sometimes I feel love like a piercing feeling in the heart and it’s so intense it feels overwhelming. Each breathe feels like I’m breathing in peace and that I am peace. And the intensity goes up and down at times. I also feel like I took molly or something most of the day. I feel this energy radiating out of hands and in my heart and in my brain. I’m completely sober no drugs nothing. Also my mind had a peaceful quality to it of relaxation. I was wondering if someone knew about what is happening and if there is some religious or spiritual texts that maybe explain what I’m going through. I do have moments of normalcy. But it’s few and far between. I’m not sure what to make of any of it. This has been happening since the retreat pretty much all the time now. I will say there is a hint of mild anxiety at times as the intensity increases to be very strong to the point where it feels like my sense of self is dissolving but also ease and love at the same time.

(Reposting because it was in bad need of a re-edit. I wrote the original summary, so I'm referring to my own work, not someone else's, lol.) 476. Summary: "Understanding & Coping With Nihilism” TLDR version: -People think nihilism is depressing, apathetic, and negative, but it isn’t. It's False Nihilism that says life is meaningless so why bother, just be destructive. Destroying something out of spite is attaching negative meaning to it. That’s not meaningless, that’s meaning. -True Nihilism recognizes that because life is meaningless, value is not absolute, but based on your survival agenda. Because value is arbitrary, you are free to question everything you’ve been programmed with. This cleans your slate and lets you build consciously, on a foundation that’s true to you. You get to question and deconstruct everything you know, because it’s all arbitrary anyway. -This is emotionally difficult and confusing to the ego, but it will lead to your authentic purpose and even awakening to God consciousness. -During this nihilistic funk, learn a variety of perspectives to figure out what you want. Cross reference them, Steel-man them. -You will create consciously instead of carrying out some inauthentic, default programming like an ideological robot. You will align with love/passion, and live a life of purpose that’s based on what you truly value and who you chose to be. -Your authentic purpose is your love for life expressed uniquely through you, free of the distortions of social conditioning, helping others to awaken to the truth of consciousness/infinite love/God. -When you're under the illusion that one thing is better or objectively more meaningful than another, you will always suffer because you will seek the better and resent the worse. -If you commit to realizing the Absolute Truth that nothing is better or more meaningful than anything else, you’ll discover that all things are wondrous, good and created by love and consciousness. (ep: Good Intentions II) That frees you up to joyfully explore life and let go of your attachments. _________________________________________________________________ Summary for "Understanding & Coping With Nihilism" “In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God.” — St. John of the Cross -What is Nihilism? Which parts of nihilism are true? Which are false? How does it fit with personal development work? What are its limitations and strengths? Society Tends to View Nihilism Very Negatively Dictionary definitions: “The rejection of all religious and moral principles in the belief that life is meaningless.” “Extreme skepticism, maintaining that nothing in the world has a real existence.” “A world view that traditional values and beliefs are unfounded and that existence is senseless and useless.” “A doctrine that denies any objective ground of truth and especially of moral truths.” -Nietzsche's saw Nihilism as a way to clear away all false narratives and religious systems. It wasn't just about destroying all values. It was about creating a clearing on top of which one can build an authentic life, based on one’s true values instead of social conditioning. -How do you know something is true for you unless you derive it for yourself, from first principles? People are attached to society’s programming (religion, science, norms, values, morality, etc). They overlook its limits and problems (inequality, hatred, judgment, violence, etc). -Saying that things should be destroyed because they’re meaningless doesn’t make sense. If something has no meaning, how can it be “bad.” If it’s not “bad,” why would you want to destroy it? To actively destroy something out of spite is to attach a negative meaning to it. That's an extra step the mind has to take. That’s not neutral or meaningless or nihilistic. Nihilism at the turn of the century Nietzsche wrote during the late 1800s, when Judeo-Christian values were starting to unravel (11:35). Spiral Dynamics’ Stage Blue Christian culture was being challenged. Nietzsche was at the forefront of Stage Orange. Refresher on Spiral Dynamics: Stage Blue = Religious. Traditional. Rule based. God-fearing. Stage Orange = Materialistic. Success-oriented. Capitalist. Scientific. Stage Green = Inclusive. Compassionate. Diverse. New Age Hippies. (This part of the episode has been glossed over somewhat) -Many of the axioms, assumptions and frameworks that existed for hundreds of thousands of years started to be questioned. (language, logic, mathematics, science, physics, gender roles, political systems, God, etc) Some people claimed all this change would unravel society and lead to war, disaster and many monstrosities. You could say this is the backdrop against which World War I and World War II occurred. With all this change in this new directionless nihilistic world, how could society best move forward? After a period of nihilism and questioning Stage Blue, we have Stage Orange (materialist, scientific, capitalistic worldview). -With the materialism of Stage Orange comes a pragmatic approach to reality (25:20). The problem with Orange is if there's no higher order values, no God and anything is allowed. That leads to a hollow existence. Life is just about material acquisition, personal comfort and carnal pleasure. Losing spirituality leads to a lack of direction, and because of that society could become very dysfunctional. -With post-modernism, we start to question the idea of an objective reality, that science is the one true explanation for what reality is. After all, scientists are biased in determining what’s worth studying. It cherry picks data and how to interpret and frame that data. Stage Green emerges in the 1950s and 1960s. Nihilism, Feeling Lost and Aperspectival Madness -Stage Green is very difficult on you psychologically and emotionally because you feel lost (32:00). If there’s no objective truth, how do you know which perspectives are beneficial and which are toxic? -Aperspectival madness. If all moral systems are just constructions, programming and social conditioning. If all views are just partial, limited ways of interacting with reality, how do you know which views are the most valid? -Leo went through a phase of being a complete relativist in his teens. He thought neutrality was the closest to truth. He didn’t realize as a teen that there are higher quality ways of looking at things and not every side is equally valid. Later he started to question everything and became very skeptical. After all, if you take even one thing on faith, it can open you up to deep epistemic error. Why Nihilism Gets Viewed Negatively Nihilism Undermines the Ego (39:33) -Meaning and value are not found in the outer world. The ego constructs meaning and value in order to survive and orient itself. eg: Science doesn't prove anything is valuable or meaningful. Strictly speaking, all science does is measure and predict stuff. It tells you where the moon will be next year, but doesn't tell you if the moon is good or bad. -Your survival needs will override any philosophical considerations of nihilism. Humans are caught in an existential bind for survival. You have deep instincts from a billion years of evolution. You are biased against deconstructing meaning. Society is in the Business of Constructing a Civilization (41:55) -Constructions are very useful for survival. Society has a bias and the ego hates when its constructions are questioned. Western civilization is a house of cards built on an unquestioned foundation of axioms and assumptions (metaphysical, epistemic, religious, theological, scientific, linguistic, etc). eg: Money. If everyone saw money as just pieces of paper it would destroy the economy. -Western civilization would rather go with a useful falsehood than the truth. Most people aren't interested in knowing the dollar is imaginary. They just want to use the dollar to buy food. -When your attitude is very selfish, that opens you to all sorts of falsehoods, fantasies, constructions and illusions. These “useful falsehoods” get piled on. You get so lost in all the bs you forget it was just a construction from the beginning. -Dis-illusion: the loss of illusion (46:20). Nihilism leads to disillusionment. Deconstructing the foundations of your mind will lead to an existential crisis. The ego doesn't like this. eg: Why would a scientist who’s invested 40 years into his PhD work do a serious deconstruction of science or academia? How would he will feel if he realized the entire foundation of science and academia is built on illusions, fictions and constructions? -The mind has an infinite capacity for denial and rationalization. It’s interested in survival, not truth. You’re playing ego games, but you think you're being rational and truthful. This stops you from doing a serious investigation into the foundations of your mind and reality. What Nihilism Gets Right 1. Life Has No Meaning and Purpose (50:40) -Because all value is created by the ego, things only have meaning relative to your ego's survival. Meaning and purpose are based on ego and identity. What's meaningful to one person will not be meaningful to another. Buddha is meaningful to Buddhists, but not so much to Christians. In the Catholic Church eating a wafer/eucharist is meaningful. To a Buddhist, or scientist it has nothing to do with being spiritual. The moon has huge value to NASA and very little value to your dog, no matter how much he enjoys howling at it. -If everything is meaningless, why should a good life be any more meaningful than a bad life? After all, some people like to suffer! This means you’re free to pick whatever life purpose you want. 2. All Morality is Relative -There is no “good” without an ego. Morality is based on value, meaning and purpose. All the atrocities of human history were justified as “good” because it helped the perpetrators. -How can something be “bad” if you don't care what happens to you? If you didn't care about being tortured, then it wouldn't be bad. People think that badness is “baked into” the torture. “Badness” is just your reaction to fear, hatred or the pain it causes. Why should pain be bad? If you didn't have pain in your life you'd be dead. -Saying that “death is bad” implies a bias towards life. If life is meaningless, why should you value life over death? You can't have life without death, so if you condemn death then you also condemn life. Everything finite dies. The only thing that doesn't die is the infinite, but the infinite isn't alive to begin with. The infinite includes both life and death. It doesn't distinguish between the two. It also doesn't value one over the other. -If you think you're being rational or scientific by holding these beliefs, you just haven’t thought through them. Science has no opinion. In fact, science would tell you that pain and suffering are useful because it’s how we evolved. 3. All of Reality is Relative There is no objective, external world (59:35). Not just at the cultural level, but the ontological and metaphysical level. You are hallucinating physical reality. (Leo has other videos on this) 4. Reality Cannot Be Known in the Way Humans Try to Know It The universe is infinite and your knowledge is always partial and limited. Your models are just partial perspectives and you will never get the full perspective by acquiring more and more knowledge (Epistemic Nihilism). 5. All Beliefs are Ultimately Untrue (Leo has other videos on this) What Nihilism gets Wrong 1. Nihilism Gives Meaninglessness a Negative Meaning (1:01:48) -Meaningless means the absence of meaning, not the presence of negative or positive meaning. False “lower-case” nihilism: Surface level nihilism that doesn’t go far enough. Says life is meaninglessness and thus “bad.” Can lead to depression, cynicism. Giving meaninglessness a negative meaning is self-contradicting. True “upper-case” Nihilism: Deep nihilism that deconstructs your ego and worldview, so you can create your life and values from a clean slate. -If hearing that “the world is meaningless” means something to you, that's not meaninglessness that's meaning. If you truly realized that life is meaningless, you couldn't be depressed about it. If you're using that as a reason to destroy or be lazy, that’s giving it negative meaning. -False nihilism is just toxic ego. That’s why people intuit that nihilism is maladaptive. You don't want to live in the world as a toxic, false nihilist. If you're angsty and turning into a misanthrope, you need to recognize this not true nihilism. You’re attaching negative meanings and that is ego. It’s also less functional than the ego of those who construct illusions and houses of cards. -You need to take your Nihilism deep enough so it goes full circle into True Nihilism which deconstructs all your illusions. 2. You can't derive an ‘Ought’ from an ‘Is’ -Reality could be completely meaningless and you could still enjoy it (1:05:25). To say that “reality is meaningless” does not mean you ought to do something about it, like destroy an institution or commit suicide. eg: You could be a total nihilist and still enjoy sunbathing in Hawaii with beautiful women, or gazing into the ocean eyes of an Adonis, an exemplar of the Divine Masculine, over a candlelit dinner at sunset, after a day of snorkelling off a glass bottom boat surrounded by cute baby seals, while indulging in fresh roasted macadamia nuts drenched in chocolate, after riding a hot air balloon over a safe but bubbling volcano, flocked by singing doves, and then Mr. Ocean Eyes gets down on one knee and says, “FlyingLotus, you could make me the happiest man in the world by”—sorry, where was I? Yeah, anyway, those things are perfectly compatible with nihilism, meaninglessness and whatever. (It’s not pathetic. It’s a good song!) -Nihilism completely frees you up to be any way you want. The question is: what do you really want? Now if destruction genuinely makes you feel good, I guess you could go for it, but does it make you feel good? Is that really what you want? You might say, "no, that's part of the game. You ought to destroy the system, man.” But, why is destruction better than creation? Shouldn’t nihilism leave you in a neutral position? -The real problem is you’re confused about what you want. If you cleared that up you would be very careful in what you destroy. Certain things need to be questioned and reformed, like corrupt social institutions. However, the desire to take a wrecking ball to everything is a dead end. 3. Nihilism Doesn't Complete the Deconstruction of the Ego into Awakening and God Realization -Skepticism is often misused. False skepticism happens when nihilism is used to destroy everything outside of you, but it's not turned in towards you. -True skepticism is also skeptical of itself. It takes the wrecking ball of nihilism and skepticism and swings it at yourself. It deconstructs your giant ego before you go deconstructing institutions, social systems, science, religion, etc. -Most nihilists Leo runs into have a giant nihilistic ego. Nihilism becomes their ego and identity, but they're not conscious of that. They are contradicting themselves, because when the nihilism gets so deep, the nihilism has to destroy itself too, but most nihilists won’t do that because it’s too threatening for the ego. -The ego co-ops nihilism, which becomes very dysfunctional. Nihilism as a survival strategy in life won’t work out well for you. 4. Nihilism is Stuck at the Level of Concept -It’s not actualized into deconstructing your ego, which leads to true awakening. Mostly nihilism is a belief or philosophy. 5. Nihilism isn’t Political -If you think government is evil, you're not being a proper nihilist. It shouldn’t necessarily lead to anarchy. 6. Nihilism overlooks what happens when you reach the bottom of nihilism -If you go all the way down the rabbit hole of nihilism, you eventually awaken to the absolute. Everything loses meaning, but then you go through the dark night of the soul and the ego dies. Then you awaken to God. -Consciousness is the only real thing. Nihilism is missing the very soul and heart of reality. You are God. God is everything. God is beauty, love, divinity, spirit, goodness, truth, consciousness, all as absolutes. -The paradox of meaninglessness is that when it completely collapses you discover infinite love and absolute goodness, which is everything (1:11:47). Then you’ll realize all those stupid nihilistic beliefs, all those philosophers you read, were all deluded. “I was just using nihilism as a defence mechanism against the realization of what I am as God, as infinite love.” -Then you're no longer depressed. You no longer want to destroy at that point. You fall so in love with yourself and reality that you actually rediscover a higher purpose. Your higher purpose is to help mankind awaken, not because you have to, not because someone told you to, but simply because that's what God would do. That's what consciousness does. Consciousness is a Self-Awakening System -Everything that happens within consciousness is just a means to help consciousness awaken to itself (1:13:00). When you relinquish your selfish needs you lose yourself, then you become a force of the universe for its own awakening. There's a million ways you could do that (art, teaching, engineering, science, politics, etc). Then your life takes on the highest and deepest meaning. -You realize that all meaning is a construction, but awakening is not a construction. The universe awakening to itself is an absolute. So what the nihilist is overlooking is the the existence of the absolute. Many scientific, atheistic and rational people just can't open their minds to the possibility of the existence of an absolute truth. -Consider that you're wrong and that absolute truth does actually exist. This is it. You're in absolute truth right now you just don't realize. Criticisms of Nihilism from Above and from Below Criticism of Nihilism from Below: Fear-based, ego-based, shadow-based. Nihilism will lead to an inability to function in the world. Relativity will lead to total chaos. Society will fall apart without traditional values. The criticism is a defence mechanism from deconstructing the ego. Criticisms of Nihilism from Above: Nihilism is self-defeating and conceptual. When you go all the way with nihilism, you realize something deeper: infinite consciousness, love and God. Before you Critique Nihilism, First Acknowledge its Truths Everything is absolutely groundless and relative. The world is inherently devoid of meaning. All value is self-biased. The trick is that applies to nihilism too. You gotta do the self-reflection, complete the strange loop and realize that your nihilism eats its own tail. The Real Problem with Nihilism: It Doesn't Go Far Enough -You need to take nihilism past ideas and into embodied practice. The ego loves to neuter things that can change your life by turning them into mere ideas or philosophy. -A mystic is just a nihilist who went all the way, who took it from philosophy to embodiment. Spirituality is Nihilism -Spirituality and nihilism are not opposed to each other. Spirituality is just nihilism actualized (1:20:10). -All your attachments were programmed into your mind. It’s all social conditioning (ego, religion, culture, identity, etc). You didn't sit down and choose them consciously. This includes “objective” stuff like science and materialism. Your consciousness is hindered by social conditioning. -Nihilism lets you wipe the slate clean. It allows you to deconstruct the value of everything. From that clean slate you can develop your own meaning in life, your own purpose, your own system of values. You can’t be satisfied in life and inauthentic at the same time. -It's paradoxical, by questioning and deconstructing everything, you will become truly, deeply spiritual. That will make you more spiritual than anyone who professes to be spiritual under the social conditioning model. You will become very authentic, very grounded, strong as an individual and powerful as a leader. -“But values are still meaningless constructions!” Yes, but when you realize you’re in a dream, there's nothing to do but play. Ask yourself: How would I play the game if I was totally free and unattached? If I wasn't coming from neediness, attachment or fear? How do I want to manifest my love in the world, according to my own personal preferences? -You can have preferences but they don’t have to be absolutes. You also don’t have to force them on others. -Knowing that reality is an illusion is the greatest gift, because there's nothing to fear. Construct whatever meanings you want and be honest with yourself that you're constructing them. Construct consciously rather than unconsciously. Becoming Superman -Humans take their own constructions so seriously when it’s mostly ?. -The Superman is living completely from his or her own authentic inner core (1:26:25). His inner motivations run far deeper than anything that society can program. (Nietzsche's Ubermensch) -These are superhuman capacities: infinite intelligence, deep consciousness, living presence. Unlike finite algorithms or social programming. Nihilism and the Hero’s Journey -Nihilism is the belly of the whale in the Hero’s Journey (1:30:20). People invent distractions and excuses to avoid it. Don’t fear it, go through it! -The belly of the whale is the lowest point in the journey. It's your deepest turning inwards to figure out if you have what it takes to defeat your deepest obstacle. The key to victory isn’t a magic sword, it’s your heart and spirit. Is your soul steeled enough to face your deepest inner weaknesses? -The Hero’s Journey is a metaphor for God realization. The hero breaks through to infinite love, brings back the holy grail to his villagers and helps them drink from the cup of infinite love. - You have to be careful because you can go through the journey in a dysfunctional way and end up killing yourself. Being a hero is more difficult than living in mediocrity, going to your nine-to-five job. (ep: Dangers of Spiritual Work) Nihilism is Nothing -The tragedy for the false nihilist is they never realize that God is nothing. God is an infinite, loving nothing. -The Godhead’s Nothing is an infinite shapeshifter with no shape. An eraser that can erase itself. Nothing is not non-existence. Nothing exists. Non-existence does not exist. There’s no such thing as non-existence because there's only existence/consciousness. eg: The Holy Spirit. Consciousness. Nirvana. Shunyata. Teotl. Fana. Shiva. The Groundless Ground. Mu. The Tao. The Force. -If your worldview is as true as you believe, deconstruction can't harm it. Why are you so threatened by nothing? It takes enormous humility to question everything you know. -The devil co-opts spiritual truths to put on a facade of spiritual work. It’s the ego, scared of losing itself and all of its constructions. (ep: What is the Devil) Some of the biggest devils portray themselves as the most spiritual. Practical Tips The problem is you can't find yourself unless you lose yourself first (1:45:20). So, how do you deal with the relativity, neutrality and multi-perspectivalism of the nihilistic process? 1. Distinguish Between Relative truth and Absolute truth -Science, religion, culture, etc may not be Absolutely True, but they can be true about some things (Relative Truth). (ep: Relative vs Absolute Truth) eg: The absolute truth is that all is One, but the relative truth is that the US has a two party system and you can only vote for one. So, which is more aligned with your values? -I still have preferences even though God loves everything equally. I may want a passionate life, but not because it's absolutely true or God is forcing me. Wanting a passionate life is valid, in and of itself. -Leo has many episodes on Absolute Truth. The Structure of Reality episode is a good one among many good ones. 2. Know that your Preferences and Biases Aren’t Objective Truths -If you admit they’re relative, you don’t have to play defensive games anymore. Being honest about your preferences and selfishness stops you from grounding it in a made up story that pretends to be “objective” (genetics, science, religion). You’re freed from ideology. eg: “I’m Christian because I was born in Texas where Christianity is popular and I enjoy Jesus because I know him better than other gods.” versus “People who don’t believe in Jesus are bound for hell.” 3. Study Lots of Perspectives -Do a lot of studying during your nihilistic funk. Date around without marrying the first perspective you meet. This could last 2-5 years. (books, videos, retreats, teachers, traditions, etc.) -Not all will be equally good or bad. You’ll have biases. You will be confused and that's okay! You can play them off each other and cross reference them. 4. Distinguish Between Lower Quality vs Higher Quality Perspectives 5. Don’t Get Stuck in Neutral or the Default -Not choosing is a choice. Life is an existential bind where you must act, you must choose. You can’t align with perfect neutrality. -You’re Not a Blank Slate. You have a default position no matter what because of social programming. If you don’t choose, that is what will run the show. 6. What you Want is the Good Life. -Watch Leo’s episode on The Point of Life. It's really good, especially if you care about Life Purpose. -Be the excited kid with millions of lego pieces. Experiment with building many things. Get inspired by different legos and other people’s unique creations. Follow Your Bliss. Don’t be the bitter kid with only 100 pieces, who builds what everyone else builds, who is close-minded about which pieces to use, who debates and hates creations and creators that are different. 7. Embrace Confusion -Trust the process. Don’t view confusion as negative. Your ego is scared of uncertainty. (ep: How to Deal with Confusion) -Play with ideas, play with life, have fun ?. Verify different perspectives for yourself. You’re building your own epistemology from scratch by questioning everything. It’s a very healthy thing to do. Signs that a Perspective is Higher or Lower -The big difference is selfishness vs. selflessness (2:05:55) . Lower Perspectives: Selfish. Based in fear, hatred, judgment, violence. Us vs Them. Uses emotion, dogma and ideology to demonize the other side. Close-minded, clings to attachments. Doesn’t take in new information. Tries to monopolize other perspectives. Ignores other perspectives, “All other perspectives are stupid. Just focus on my perspective.” Unaware that it’s subjective, that it’s just a perspective. Thinks it represents “reality." Also rejects parts of reality that don’t confirm its biases. Higher Perspectives: Selfless, courageous, loving. Open minded, curious, playful, interested in exploring more perspectives. Nuanced and sophisticated. Intellectually honest and rigourous. Systemic, meta and holistic. Self-aware. Higher perspectives are aware they are a subjective perspective among many. Non-monopolistic. Doesn’t claim to be the only valid perspective. Inclusive. Higher perspectives understand and include the Lower perspectives, but not vice versa. Higher perspectives can Steel Man lower perspectives. Lower perspectives cannot steel man higher perspectives. Find the Good in All Perspectives. Try to Steel Man Different Perspectives It’s the opposite of a Straw Man. Steel Man: Challenging your opponent’s best argument. Watch for how a perspective tries to lock you in. -Do they let you study other perspectives? For example, the scientific community will discredit you for studying the paranormal, new age or religion. Fear vs Love If a perspective is coming from fear, it's false. If it’s coming from love it's true (2:12:45). That’s because truth is Love, there's just many degrees of love/truth. If you commit to the path of raising your consciousness, you can discover the Absolute Truth that nothing is better or more meaningful than anything else, because all things are wondrous, good and created by love and consciousness. (ep: Good Intentions II) When you are under the illusion that one thing is better or objectively more meaningful than another, you will always suffer because you will seek the better and resent the worse. Love is its own reward. Surrender to love, beauty and truth. Live your life like it’s a work of art. Work towards that love with courage and purpose. Your authentic purpose is just your love for life expressed uniquely through you, free of the distortions of social conditioning.

BLISS Everything about you is how I'd wanna be Your freedom comes naturally Everything about you resonates happiness Now I won't settle for less Give me All the peace and joy in your mind Everything about you pains my envying Your soul can't hate anything Everything about you is so easy to love They're watching you from above Give me All the peace and joy in your mind I want the peace and joy in your mind Give me the peace and joy in your mind Everything about you resonates happiness Now I won't settle for less Give me all the peace and joy in your mind I want the peace and joy in your mind Give me the peace and joy in your mind

1) Let go of chasing after bliss. Focus on deepening your comprehension of Truth, regardless of how it feels. Don't be driven by positive feelings because they don't always come. 2) Explore other psychedelics you have not yet tried. Don't get stuck on one psychedelic.

it begins with a daily sitting practice. Practice being aware of the breath. In doing that, many things will come up. Thoughts, emotions, resistance, pleasure, pain etc. Just return to the practice, again and again. Kindly but firmly. Then you begin to practice while doing your daily life. While walking, while running, working, cleaning, etc. Returning to the practice again and again. This will train you to be more conscious throughout your day so that you are able to feel more as you go through your life rather than thinking all the time compulsively. Once your thoughts start to wind down a bit your feelings will be more pronounced. When you take an action, if it is in accordance with Reality, you will feel bliss. If it is not in accordance with Reality, you will feel misery. This ability to feel whether what you are doing is in accordance is called your 'third eye'. Once you're able to feel the feelings, you will be able to see The Way. The Way is not to the left or to the right, it is in the middle.

Week 11 Recovering a Sense of Autonomy The Zen of Sports "exercise: the act of bringing into play or realizing in action." Most blocked creatives are cerebral beings. We think of what we want to do but can't. Early in recovery, we next think of all the things we want to do but don't. In order to effect a real recovery, the creative needs to move out of her/his head and into the body. Creativity requires action and part of that action must be physical. This step requires acceptance. It is one of the pitfalls of westerners adopting eastern mediation to bliss out and render ourselves high but dysfunctional. We lose our grounding, and with it, our capacity to act in the world– we render ourselves unconscious in a new way. Exercise combats dysfunctional spirituality. Walking is a moving meditation. Any act of motion that puts you into The Now is a moving meditation. They help us to stop spinning. 20 minutes a day is sufficient. The goal is to connect to a world outside of us, to lose the obsessive self-focus of self-exploration and simply, explore. When the self is focused on other, the self often comes into more accurate focus. the fitness of your spirit sets the tone for the day. move for perspective. Rhythmic repetitive action transfers the locus of the brain's energy from logic to the artistic hemisphere. It is there that inspiration breaks through the constrains of logic. You find answers in movement. movement gives you a sense of not only motion, but also the motion of God through you and through the universe. Exercise teaches the rewards of process. It teaches the sense of satisfaction over small tasks well done. Learned creative patience has to do with connecting to a sense of universal creativity. When your mind shuts off– through focused movement– the rationality switches off. Art is not rational, it's magical. Focused movement reduces you to feeling. Moments of intense feeling teaches you to be aware of other moments in your life when they occur. As an artist, walking offers sensory saturation; in a sense, insight follows from sight. Gather visual delight as if you are gathering nuts and berries. We learn by going where we have to go. Doing what we have to do. Exercise often takes us from self-pity to self-respect; from questions to answers and stagnation to inspiration. We learn that we are stronger than we thought when we move. We learn new perspective. Building Your Artistic Altar It is easier to tap into your inner resources when you have a centering ritual– like morning pages. Morning pages are a meditation. A spiritual room or corner helps facilitate centering rituals. Fill your spiritual corner with pictures or things that make you happy– an artist's altar should be a sensory experience. Some examples of small rituals, self-devised, could be: burning incense as you say (or write) your affirmations dancing to music lighting a candle while you do your morning pages holding a rock while you do breath-work etc. tactile, physical techniques enhance spiritual growth. the artistic child speaks the language of the soul: music, dance, scent, shells.. your artistic altar should be fun, even silly.

Thought I’d do something a bit different and simply post my well wishes to all of you on the spiritual path. I am sure many you can relate to the various emotions of happiness, joy, confusion, fear, nihilism, frustration, bliss (most likely missing 100+ emotions) that come along with taking this journey. I see many of you post some of your breakthroughs as well as down points. All of it is inspiring to say the least, we are embarking upon on something that is beyond the human realm, a task that only a few of us who lived to have ever awakened to the nature of God. For those of you who are struggling, and still working with the dark night of the soul, be kind to yourself..and know that whatever pain that is involved in this will be worth it in the end. There is a reason why much suffering happens to achieve awakening, and that’s because God realization will literally absolve all suffering you incurred..no matter what amount. So with this, I send my love and encouragement to you all. When you reach your awakening, we will unite as one in the same ??❤️. Best of luck.

Have you watched this one? : Also maybe dive into strong determination meditation (adhitthana): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adhiṭṭhāna Also maybe do ayahuasca, if possible in your country. This is my advice. You will find that returning to love does not make you weak. On the contrary, you will find a strength that only a few people in this world possess. Looking your naked self straight in the eyes is true bravery. integrating these aspects in your life has been so important and brave of you. Already a step on the way into letting go of ego. Seems to me like you are very much on your way to untangle yourself off from delusion. If you have been hiding in a macho masculinity and stage red, it has been brave of you to let go of this, integrating aspects like calm, peace, and passive in your life. Maybe it is time now for you to dive into the aspects of this path, that are definitely not "pussy" in the ordinary sense of the word, but very much pussy in the actual sense. Contemplate what a pussy is, in fact, able to do. You yourself, with all your demons and all your bliss and beauty, were made from pussy. God is pussy - as someone above my comment correctly put it. It's so beautiful how you put this word in the title without understanding its true meaning. Spirituality will make you a pussy, hahaha, the strongest force on earth. you stupid man No, seriously. You are doing good I believe. Keep going.

I'm hesitant to advise on this, but intuitively, I'd have to say you're still not "all-in." A way to rectify this, it seems, is simply to get really good at meditation (to the point of manifesting bliss on demand, which interestingly is almost a direct result of calming the attention's tendency to wander or even waver), and then read Rob Burbea's Seeing That Frees.

My first mystical experience was when I was about 10. It happened while I was asleep, like a dream. But this was no dream. There was no "I" and nothing was actually experienced. "I" was simply one with the void. There was no light, but also perfect light. It was pure bliss. When I woke up and went to school, I had no idea what to make of it or how to even attempt to put words around it. For years I never even tried. Eastern mysticism and psychedelic experiences are the closest I could find that talked about such things. As an adult I've taken a lot of LSD, mushrooms and even 5MeO-DMT and NOTHING I have experienced since comes close. I don't know how it happened, or even what happened. Grace is all I can think of. But that experience was so indelible it has never left me 45 years later.

For me MDMA is like being showered with love and LSD is like bathing in love. The states of bliss I feel on MDMA feel somewhat fleeting, like they are coming at me and leaving me, whereas with LSD it feels like the gates of love are opening inside me and I realize the love is there, always available. The Love I have felt on LSD is quite different to the MDMA love. 100x more powerful, with a cleaner feel to it. I'm not sure if it is as "reliable" though, I'm just basing this off of my last LSD trip, which was really my first proper dose with it. Mdma is great to do with other people in a calm setting, especially to work on emotional issues or to connect with someone deeper. LSD is like a 10 hour highly intensive consciousness retreat, face to face with reality, insight after insight just pulsing out of you.

@Giulio Bevilacqua they feel like super shit gets worse and more painful every time. Feel like the trip is starting again all over again, Body burning into my bed, Instead of into the floor but this time in super slow motion like it'll never stop. which happened so quickly my first time. Although after talking to martin for 2 hours, He suggested i'd read his books, there were techniques of how i could handle them and make it easier on me, And i did to them it did feel better at times, But sometimes it just became way too much to handle, that it would result in a severe panic attack. I'd have to stop, And say something insane like, I'm sorry i cannot love you and let go right now (to keep my self sane), Please leave me alone and stop whatever it is your trying to show me, dear mother, I just can't process it right now. It's not always the same, there were various different effects that i mostly forgotten, but some were like time zooming i would describe it as that, Felt like my body was going back and forth consciousness way too infinity fast it was annoying, Stuck in time for long periods of time. Felt like years that when i'm back to my body i forget that i'm even human takes me awhile to figure out, that i'm this character, and i start crying when i realize what just happened and i'm still in this hell hole. Way more weird side effects that were happening on the months i already forgot most of them, but this was 2 years ago first 4-8months mostly, Later on it was just the burning sensation re-occurring most commonly melting into bed. @Breakingthewall Yeah i can feel it in my body, I've aged rapidly, Feel very stressed. (increased tinnitus which are very unbearable at times makes me feel suicidal. Yet not sure if that's a longterm side effect from nootropic/supplements which was influenced by self actualizing) @ZzzleepingBear Just wanted to experience Infinity since i wanted to find more deeper meaning in life. I wanted to feel the bliss of being one with god, The ones always fascinated me. Before doing 5meo, I used to follow abraham hicks in a mad way where i really thought i was god and i am manifesting creating stuff, Felt super happy with my life compared to now, Was crazy enough to even walk down a road not caring to see right or left if cars would hit me since i've felt invisible. I still wanted more, Was curious to see my self as infinity. Went for it and i got destroyed, Didn't feel like i was god at all, it felt like, i would die right now, and i'd never be alive ever again. Plus the amount of terror I've faced felt so unreal, It felt like infinite terror. Which kept scaring me since i'm not in control and life is just so scary and terrible that I'm so powerless getting my soul/energy raped over and over. While i could do nothing to counter it or make it stop. I felt super fearful at that moment. From a high thinking i'm all that before doing it and i'd just go to a fun trip. To a destroyed PTSD like state lasting for quite awhile. I still feel better these days panic attacks and trips stopped now. Took it almost 2 years to recover. from that. Just vibrations and random worry is bothering me giving me an uneasy mind. Note before abraham hicks, I've been very hardcore at self actualizing. I've listened to all leo's videos over and over cycled between them at least 3 times each video. Since i used to talk 1-2 hour walks daily for years, with earphones It was enough to cover his content more than once. Bought his life purpose course, Bought his self help books. Listened to lots of self help books that were on audio on my walks, Listened to spirituality ones like jed mckenna from what i can remember and whatever was available from them. Would listen to sadhguru/rupert spira/adyashanti/mooji/infinite waters/teal swan/lester levesen/alan watts/ etc etc various spiritual teachers and lots of spiritual content, I'd binge through. I'd meditate for hours. Sometimes minutes. I used to love meditating, Now these days they just feel super scary. But eventually i felt everything was fine the moment i found abrham hicks, which just made my mentality feel way better, never worried, so happy everyday, felt so good about myself and life and my existence finally, Never have been so happy in my life it was quite insane, Thinking i'm so awesome/amazing god created everything around me with such amazing placebo effect, Which made my ego so good about being the ultimate selfish human being out there. I was always fortunate even with my crazy acts so i never doubted i'm not god. But psychedelics were a common discussion on the forum. So reading those posts made me feel like maybe i should check it out for fun and see what I've created. So it was a brutal awakening to feel the highest high of my ego life shattered to the lowest low. Quite a shock. Even ibogaine for 72hours straight wasn't as bad as 5meo. At least on ibogiane i was on a high of appreciating everything on life. Didn't need more of an answer. (I did ibogaine around 2 weeks ago before the 5meo. (Note these 2 were the only psychedelics i took. I know i'm pretty crazy just going for the top 2 crazy psychs out there that i could find. But this is how serious i was about self improvement/infinity and finding more) I've worked so hard during my self actualization that eventually letting go of it was the best thing, I did I let go of improvement, I became so selfish that it just made me happy not caring much about anything or anyone, I'd just love having fun at every moment what could i do to have more fun all the time, And I'd just give myself all the love and priority over everything. It was such an amazing deluded state to be in for me compared to all the people pleasing that I've done in my life with no one appreciating me or all the work i've done. I've had messed up experiences where I was always under credited, people would leech of me my work. And just argue and make things harder for me even though i'm clearly being a doormat, Yet the power abuse wouldn't stop. So finally making all that stop felt so much better. But nope not for all, Here comes 5meo, Hello mr.ego, Think you control everything? Well guess what here's infinite terror. Not so powerful now are you? I'm sorry please leave me alone. make it stop.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm deluded about infinity. (I'd practice a lot of magic like acts, where i try to control reality in the past as well, My techniques were mainly Will/Intent/magicka besides LOA, I feel like LOA is weak sauce compared to them. And yet i can't control shit. I can't bend life/dream to be the way i want it to be. ) This question goes to the whole forum. Please kindly participate, I would like to read all of your answers. When it comes to manifesting what we want, I'm just wondering why do we all have so many limitations where it doesn't seem like life is infinite and rather we're always stuck within physical limitations of this dream? As much as i believe life is a dream it should bend to our wants. Yet it doesn't do that like it does in a dream. I could answer myself saying oh well life is infinite so clearly you are experiencing a more limited version of a physical plane field with very low lee way/priority of it going the way you want it to. What's your answer? I hate mine. I want more power over this shitty dream already. I'm genuinely salty, Life is supposed to be the way you want it to be, and not the other way around. fun is my cherry pick, Yet it seems quite painful with lots of unwanted suffering, That i believe i never signed up for, What is this shit. Give me a break.

Certainly no unhappiness, in a way. No saying no to or looking away from what arises. It is bliss, really, but it was always that way -- I can't explain that.

Yes it's possible but it's not at all enlightenment because it is still a state, it is still an object although a quite subtle one. Technically you don't even need meditation, but you do need the ability to concentrate intensely. Intense yet relaxed focus turned inward leads to bliss. Done over a certain period of time you are able to be like that all the time, even right after waking up in the morning. You can try it out even if you are not able to concentrate intensely, you will see some results that will motivate you to train this ability. (this is just one route to this)

As if that would need fixing. But I know what you mean. I still recommend meditation occasionally because of how happy it made me, but it was just a more comfortable prison. Nothing wrong with a more comfortable prison though! I told myself the reason I did the meditation was for truth seeking, not fulfilment seeking. Which in a way actually did sort of seem to work out. But it leads nowhere, because the whole time everything was equally whole and complete -- I would've never guessed that was even possible. How can realizing I'm God be equally as fulfilling as taking a shit? Well, it is only self who thinks one is better. Just for example, as soon as I could manifest as much bliss as I wanted, I basically had no need to use it. Quite surprising.

I wanted to start a mega thread where people can share movie/tv scenes that deeply move them. Feel free to share a little blurb about why you find the scene so moving. I'll start with a few, but I have a bunch that i'll post. Also, some people might question why this is in the high consciousness resources section. If there is a scene that moves you, you know you are in contact with higherself/love. For some us, movies have been some of the greatest sources of meaning in our lives. I get a wave of bliss when I watch some of these scenes I love this movie. My favorite romance movie of all time. I love the Christian Bale batman series too. Bruce is on the heroes journey and confronts his shadow. This is probably my all time favorite scene in any movie. The music and expression of the characters is just so perfect. Another lord of the rings scene. I will post a bunch more haha. My favorite part is when Aragorn claims people of gondor as his people... you can see that Boromir is able to let go and accept death because Aragorn takes over the mantle of responsibility for Gondor