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About mandyjw

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  1. I just got woke up and the three stages or traps came to me in a dream/thought. Step 1. Attachment. Then you realize you're suffering. Step 2. Attachment to being detached. Then you realize you're still suffering. Step 3. Attachment to being neither attached or detached. Again, you realize you're still suffering. These traps or more like stages that must be transcended in succession rather than "traps". Attachment is sneaky. Once you move beyond step three you see attachment for what it really is and are finally able to act or not act with ease and freedom.
  2. This came to me in a dream/thought, so I'm not sure how helpful it is yet. There are three traps. Attachment. Attachment to being detached. Attachment to being neither attached or detached. These traps or more like stages that must be transcended in succession rather than "traps".
  3. Last year around this time, we had our childless friends over and played a board game with them. They crushed us, but I did particularly bad. I started thinking about how my lifestyle was not challenging me intellectually in the least. Being a parent of young kids, doing basically production/factory like work and spending much of my energy learning to clear my mind and drop thoughts had let my ability to think intellectually degrade. I didn't want to challenge myself to think in depth or read a challenging book because I couldn't deal with the constant interruptions and demands from the kids. In that time also I made huge strides in understanding my emotions and being able to connect and accept people. I let myself feel better about it and figured that I had chosen what was better. Coming here has forced me to challenge myself again and integrate it with the progress I made. The formation of dogma is sneaky. My kids are getting more independent. The baby and toddler stages taught me skills and a level of patient love that is hard to learn and practice elsewhere, but a new chapter is starting. The vision board WORKS. I wrote down a few ideas and went out to mow part of the lawn and lots of light bulbs turned on. Now it's almost entirely full and I have some plans for Fall that give me greater peace to plan for the changing season, as if I'm creating it rather than at the mercy of it.
  4. Really study the law of attraction, Abraham Hicks is awesome. It will help you to find peace with the paradox. She divides it into steps, and to summarize, we are really good at asking for things to be different but not good at letting go and letting life unfold. Both are equally important in understanding the law of attraction.
  5. @tsuki There's something energetically unique about this time of year, when it really starts to transition to cooler weather. It's my favorite time of year but it's also bittersweet. Since my awakening I'm very sensitive about my mood and state of mind. Abraham Hicks said that people say that they are sensitive to energy but that she would use the word "susceptible." That was a powerful pointer to me because I know that I need to work with this as it arises and not let my mind turn it into a characteristic. Increasingly I have to be outside more and more and if I feel my mood slipping just going out makes it feel so much better. It has a purifying effect. I'm not sure if I use it as a crutch or if I'm tapping into some older intelligence and need that one should be more connected with nature and the own gathering and harvesting of their food, especially this time of year. Yesterday I came down with a cold. We spent hours outside at a farm and horse fair then I took the kids out and picked blueberries from the backyard, then I went inside and still didn't feel right. So I took my daughter out for a hike at the falls, and got back and still felt the need to go for a run alone, even though I knew I should probably rest instead. Time doesn't feel like it works the same way anymore. As I got older I felt like my grip on reality and time was slipping away, and now there's no reason to fight it anymore. The problem is I am still struggling to get my practical life in order, and if I need to go outside I go outside. I'm not making much money, just enough to pay for daycare, health insurance and a few extras. I sometimes really want a puppy but spending the money and making the huge energy and time commitment doesn't feel right when I'm so lost in transition. I got another dry erase board, and am going to take Nahm's suggestion. I can think of all kinds of things I like the idea of and want to work toward but they turn to dust before they materialize. I don't mean that in a depressing or defeatist way, just that, the only thing that really grips me is this very ephemeral feeling I get sometimes, almost always from being outside. I was looking out across the ocean and this distinctive feeling comes to me and feels really good. It feels ever so slightly like a desire and ever so slightly prophetic and to push it even further it feels like a calling to the West Coast at some point. But when I work to form these types of feelings into anything tangible or actionable they turn to dust. Maybe they are still just gestating. Maybe they are just to be enjoyed in the moment.
  6. When I had my awakening I had bipolar like energy swings. I also had the pressure, emptiness feeling between my eyes and the 666 synchronicity others mentioned in this thread. Time in nature, exercise and regular meditation really helps ground the back and forth energy swings.
  7. @tsuki Whatever you think.
  8. @Truth Addict I believe that you are a pompous dementor.
  9. @Truth Addict I prefer to be surprised.
  10. 'Merica, fuck yeah. We value the illusion of freedom over everything else.
  11. @Truth Addict Ice skating seems like a huge waste of time falling on your butt all over the ice until you learn to effortlessly glide along. What's worse than a dementor who wants to take your soul? A pompous dementor. But the magic is that you're just so annoyed by how pompous he is that you decide it's worth hanging out with him because you might get the satisfaction of being able to take him down a notch or two.
  12. I don't think that many people realize what debate and argument is or why they do it. We hash out our differences in understanding and perspective so that we can see each other clearly. The wrong intent, such as wanting to prove someone wrong without first desiring to understand them or wanting to come out on top, usually taints or ruins the whole experience. So people think that debate is a waste of time, when in reality it may be the best use of your time and effort that there is. The difference is going into conversation with honest curiosity and connection (love) for the "other". You won't come out of it unchanged if you do that. You only get what you give.
  13. @Truth Addict It's Friday, friday, getting down on friiiday...
  14. You can't create without love, as sure as you are, you are made with love, when the you is seen as illusion the love of and out of your creation is all that's left. Your creation= you seem to have been created + you are creating your reality.
  15. @seeking_brilliance On the first day of highschool, for one class we had to stand in a ring and say our name and something we liked. We had to remember and repeat each person's but I lucked out and got to go first. I was so shy, and so horrified by the idea of having to speak in front of the class. I didn't even say I much preferred to be called Mandy and couldn't even think of anything I liked to do. I wanted to say as little as I possibly could and I wanted it to be easy for people to remember so I said the first generic thing that came to mind. So I said "My name is Amanda and I like apples." The boy who was beside me was someone I would spend the next year loving and hating, equally fascinated and frustrated with and he said with a bow, "My name is Asher and I like acting." Memories are such bullshit.