mandyjw

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  1. So often I find myself giving advice here and a short time later it hits me that I needed to hear my own advice and I'm like... crap, just talking to myself again. If a tree falls in the forest and you're the only person who hears it did it still make a sound?
  2. Also pay attention the the last step here in this video. This is the missing element from your meditation and realizations. The law of attraction or teachers who focus on love can help you with this, also time in nature, making time for self care, creativity and exploration because the realization of this in yourself is what is needed.
  3. There are two things that I believe are key to moving on once you've reached this point. First let me just say that, I REALLY wish we understood this process better and I'm guessing but it feels like I'm on the right track. The problem is that I can tell you what was key for me, but everyone's path is different. I think we really need to try to understand this process better in a more general way rather than relying and teaching based on our own experiences. That's how I see most teachers going about this because right now that's the only way they can. Sorry for the long side note, it's just a disclaimer to remind you that I am a random person on the internet. The two things that were key for me where the law of attraction and shadow work. These things must go together. You cannot do shadow work and focus only on the negative and the past, you must do it from a timeless detached state that appreciates your life experiences from outside the limited perspective of you. The best way I can describe how this happened to me was that I realized myself as the author of my life, I loved myself as my own created character and saw that I wrote the challenges in my life and exactly why and what purpose they had. I highly recommend Abraham Hicks and having a very good understanding/application of her teachings in addition to Leo's and other traditions that focus mostly on meditation and accepting what is. My experience was a sort of collapse of the dualities between positive thinking/ you create your reality and the acceptance of everything that is. From what I understand you must have another person to do the shadow work with, and a good psychotherapist with a good spiritual foundation is the best place to look. This work can also happen in other ways outside of that traditional setting but lots of problems can arise with that. I believe that as a community we need to design a safe and inexpensive solution to this need.
  4. @28 cm unbuffed Evil, dark and predatory is just how we translate fear. Of course there are people who may have ill intentions for us or who may be wrong for us, so it's important to be able to sort out a gut feeling of something is off or wrong with a relationship... guidance... or a wall that we ourselves put up, avoidance. From your post it you seem to believe that it's an avoidance issue, but only you can know for yourself. Good luck!
  5. And just as I finished typing that someone shot off a bottle rocket right nearby and I said it again.
  6. @Nahm Jesus! I've always tried so hard not to say Jesus as a swear, Christian upbringing and lots of shame about that you know... and the past week or so it's awful, for whatever reason I got in the habit of saying Jesus all the time. I have no idea WHERE this is coming from. Today I was particularly short tempered and spilled my kid's skelleton Halloween candy bucket all over the floor and yelled "Jesus!" 🤣 I know that no one cares but I used to such a sane, practical, skeptical, normal person. Or maybe I'm not remembering quite right.
  7. Thanks for sharing, this is a topic that I've been contemplating lately. It seems like the first realization of there being nothing but the present moment or no time rather... continually gets deeper and more inclusive. I particularly like insight that memory is seen as a certain perspective and therefore we can question and choose the perspective.
  8. @dimitri Thank you. 😊 I usually think of sychronicity as things like seeing butterflies and rainbows and often it is like that. I guess it can be threatening to accept that all of life, light and dark, birth and death, is all part of it. @Esoteric @Meta-Man ❤ @zeroISinfinityzeroISinfinity thank you I thought I had decided but apparently I love drama and suprising myself. @Nahm who? That's a unique way of phrasing the question. Can't I blame God for that one? The answer is yes but I hadn't thoroughly considered the implications of what that meant when it comes to death.
  9. @tsuki I know, it was just something that wanted to be said. Time is less of an issue than direction or intention.
  10. Brilliant.
  11. Recently I became concious of the fact that I create my reality in a not so subtle way, it coincided with the death of my dog and my grandmother and a bunch of other events coming together. Sychronicity started becoming strong and impossible to ignore. I get impulses and they lead me to see signs or to have glimpses of how things unfold. Awareness of certain symbols and objects came to the forefront, apples, apple trees and spruce trees. I'm very aware that reality isn't real and it very much feels as if my surroundings are haunted. The problem is that though I know it's a beautiful thing but I'm currently very unsettled by it. I know that I'm creating a story but I am confused as to whose power it is that is behind it all. This leads me to want to take credit or blame myself. There's a duality and confusion around how I can create my reality but also be surrendered to it. Is this the same as the free will/predetermined duality? Is this problem only arising because I refuse to let go of thinking? I'm afraid of myself. One of the symbols I have given a lot of attention to is apples and apple trees. Another is spruce trees which now have a really special meaning to me, after long story short. Yesterday I visited a spot that is very special to me and I climbed a spruce tree and found a strange variety of apple tree I never noticed before. A little over a week ago I had an impulse to change course and run down a road I don't normally go down. I had seen a facebook post about quince fruit and I had really wished that I could have some to try. On this road I found ripe quince fruit and a house that I had never noticed in 10 years of living here. I wondered who lived there. A few days later I had an important meeting to keep my son's services for his autism. The person who did the review in the past drove hours from more populated areas across the state to get here for the meeting. I asked the woman where she was from and she told me that she lived in that exact house I had noticed right up the road. When I got home after the run that day I had an impulse to go to my backyard where I had buried my dog under an apple tree. While I was there I noticed an enormous spruce tree and I went to touch it. Since then I've looked at it often wondering how I hadn't noticed such a tall tree in my backyard before. Last night I dreamed about a man I met a few years ago who died friday from cancer. Also in the dream was my first dog I ever got when I was 14. I wasn't aware until a few months ago that his cancer was terminal. I didn't sleep well and was very unsettled by his death. I met him and another man his age I met around the same time and was very curious about them both and thought about them a lot for whatever reason. They both were young, in thier thirties and died in the past few months, one from cancer and the other from a freak accident where he choked on his food while driving. I feel very unsettled that they both came into my life and awareness and left that way. This morning I got up and there was a wind storm. My enormous spruce tree broke clean off right where I had gone to it and touched it and it fell on top of my apple tree, breaking it and directly falling my dog's grave. Both of those trees grew side by side for decades, probably close to 100 years without incident until today. If you remember, my avatar has been an apple for a long time and last night I decided to change it because I was done with the apple metaphor. The last conversation I had with the man who died Friday was about his dog. Does anyone with more experience being awake to sychronicity have any wise words for me? Is my life situation demanding that I stop overthinking by messing with me? Or am I the actual fucking grim reaper. 🤣 Who is in control here!?
  12. Ah see, she's demanding that you be present, it's like trial under fire. Now you have a taste of what all this boring " sitting with yourself" work is preparing you for. It may help to see that on one level outside the story, and that's the level that the fear is coming from... you don't actually want her, you want something much deeper than that, something that you already are. The idea of pleasing her or losing her is a fiction based on you forgetting your already fulfilled nature. She and you are just wearing masks. What is it beyond the mask? That's the desire that each of you so desperately wishes to see. You will, its inevitable, in fact it's already done. No matter what happens with her, even if it turns out to be a devastating or embarrassing experience it cannot ever keep you from what you desire. Once you realize this on a deep level, you can let go of the things that block you from experiencing the manifestation on the level of form. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. On a practical level, make time to do everything that helps you be the best form of you, listen to music that puts you in the zone, exercise, go to a certain place, whatever that is for you. That will help you get out of the story and more alignment with what she (you) are asking for.
  13. We got a bad storm, and we don't have power right now. I looked out back and my magnificently tall old spruce tree that I just met and appreciated days ago has split clean off at the level I touched it, and crashed into my apple tree, breaking off a limb and covering Rocky's grave.
  14. I think you're looking too much on the surface to understand the issue, when the real issue is less personal and less about you, your past or her herself, instead it's more of a tale that's as old as time. I would try to step outside the thoughts of you and her for a moment to try to understand what's going on in a much more general way. Attraction/falling in love is the most powerful illustration of how the law of attraction works outside of a mystical experience, because we only see the best in each other and are blind to everything else. Most people say that this is losing your mind or dumb in love, but yet that's the reality we all long for. The thing is that we live our lives seeing both the good and the bad, going back and forth and living in a kind of flat state of emotion and desire, so when we get a glimpse of this power, it can be really scary. She sees you and only sees the positive It's the stage of the relationship where no one is going to notice if your feet smell or if your laugh is a little bit annoying. She sees you in those moments clearly... but you aren't ready to believe and open to what it is that she sees, you are afraid of yourself without all the limitations we falsely believe in to obscure that light. You translate this to you being afraid of her desire. Her power, that energy you sense in her eyes is your own power reflected to you, or rather it is shared power and owned by no one. Some people reflect that power back to us very clearly, we resonate with them in a deep way. I'm guessing she is the first person you've met who does this to that extent and it's new to you, so it's unsettling. When love/desire and fear get all mixed up like that, you know that something really important is going on. Remember that we can only ever be afraid of ourselves. Try not to overthink it, but go into the experience for what it is in the moment.
  15. Could it be that you're afraid of living up to what it is that she sees in you?