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About Nadosa

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  1. Wait, CBD oil makes you high? Sure it wasn't placebo? I know how you feel, I didn't want to take pills after my wisdom teeth surgery and after taking them I thought it caused me a panic attack or made my Derealization worse whereas it was the thoughts causing anxiety. Panic attacks are always caused by thoughts.
  2. Sorry for my misinterpretation. I only talked about running.
  3. Why do I feel so utterly crappy and why is my mind soo worn out after just 20 mins of running? The difference between depression and anxiety is, that exercising (running) can completely heal anxiety but I dont really know how to tackle my current issues with exercising (running). Do you think lifting weights could be another option?
  4. I feel like I cant ground myself, it is just an up and down from day to day.
  5. This is year was bad. I looked forward to my life and my goals but then Depersonalisation hit me out of the blue, but I worked hard to get rid of it, but now I cant think myself out of this mess anymore, my face looks tired and my eyes look like I smoke weed 24/7, and I feel not good playing the victim here. I know that there is something called cotard syndrome, which in my case fits very well to my symptoms.
  6. No atm it is liquid drum n bass! Check it out, yearmix 2017 by maduk.
  7. I feel like Meditation doesnt work in my case... Ive tried it for like 3 weeks. But, compared to my anxiety times, no progress at all.
  8. So, I tried to reengage with life, joined a band, went out etc., but I noticed when those feelings are gone, I feel somehow uncertain. Let me explain: My main concern which already transformed into one huge belief is that I think I should've died a few months ago. It is incredibly hard to shake these feelings off. They became a part of me. But whenever I am distracted and away from my triggers and not focusing on this belief, I am relatively fine. But as the time goes on, I notice that I CONSCIOUSLY go in this bad neighbourhood in my head and search for the bad thinking patterns again, because I think they define me in some strange way. The feelings feel like they are part of my personality and like connected to my existence, that is the reason I have so many difficulties letting these damn thoughts go. So it is not like anxiety that you are 100% sure that you want to get over these thoughts, this time they are much more powerful, darker and it feels like I CANT AND DONT WANT TO GET OVER THEM. Everytime these feelings hit, I feel like I shouldnt be experience this very moment anymore. I have an appointment with a therapist on 15th of January. The thought that "what if I had already acted on these thoughts and maybe that would have been the right decision" is a really big concern for me... Anyways, just needed to vent...
  9. So...I did but, now my mom and grandma are raging as hell, telling me to do something productively instead of running from therapist to therapist, why I didnt choose the right place for studying (because I cancelled), and that I am a shame for the family, not giving anything back to my mother, as well as my brother. Well, it started with my brother who pursues his happiness totally differently than what my family has imagained: He occasionally works and travels. Something that doesnt match with the imaginations of my grandma. And now she obviously fears that I will end like him, but if I was healthy, I surely would continue studying. But she's pretty selfish in this way, not believing in mental suffering. Or am I?
  10. Here the whole story, I havent met her before, she seemed more pissed with the time passing. How should I put it, had my real first date at a house-tech party and it was just embarrassing. So we arrived there, all was going ok, but generally the location + the music was the complete opposite of what I've imagined. I absolutely didnt like it there and she definitely felt it. Have not been able to build a conversation because Ive put her on a pedestal since the first moment (appearance Hb10). No topics, one-syllable answers + music she did not like. She has then called her best friend and was hanging around with him because she obviously felt very very uncomfortable not knowing me and it was just soo wrong to go to a party to get to know each other - that was the end, how can you fuck it up so hard lol? Even before the club she called her best friend and said "yes am standing in front of the club with a buddy" and laughs at me provocatively: D. Do you know that moment when you just stand there for like 3-5 minutes without saying anything and rather prefer to run away because you just feel like you dont have so much in common? Awkward silence between sentences! Have you had same experience and what to do then to not lose the frame completely? My whole frame was gone at once. It became clear to me, that's why I danced with other women, somehow tried to make the evening for me. We went out to smoke some cigarettes and we both didnt like it at all and she said she was absoluetly down to go to an event next week, at which there was music we both liked - I invited her before, but she was uncertain because of exam/school next day. So I even suggested to go to another location but she was unsure. I just feel bad. She even went home without saying goodbye (of course I can not blame her, just failed and brought her into an unpleasant situation (ouch!) - or fuck no I've paid all her drinks damn haha, so why not even saying goodbye there?). I then danced with others because I noticed after a while that it just does not fit with her and after the failed conversation you cant just dance with her, that just felt wrong. I dont know. I feel down, brainfuck. How can I ever turn this in the other direction again? I consider myself completely embarrassed in the social circle (same music scene) because the evening was REALLY awkward and I have no plan what I should do when I see her next time. I'm just the type: good in textgame and nothing behind it, spitting lines and failing in real life. But I really wanted the date and if the circumstances had been different it might have gone better. Am I owing her an apology? Because well, I could not keep my promise of making her a nice evening...but idk, maybe she was a bit upset I danced with other girls and not with her? - and somehow feel like apologizing. PS: Am 19, she's 18 and my first real "date", dont even know if it was one, knew nothing about her in general, was quite overwhelmed to entertain such a girl. A H10 looking girl of course isnt so nice for a dude without experience. I havent texted her yet, she hasnt either. But I feel like it shouldnt be over yet. So rather not texting, better waiting and talk to her in real life? Should I ask her again for the party on thursday?
  11. Hi, I feel so terrible at the moment. So I was dating this cute girl and it was just awkward, couldnt talk etc.. I didnt like the way I acted at all, was caught up in my mind, way too overwhelmed and instantly lost my frame. Thing is, these awkward silences made me really nervous, she felt this nervousness and felt intensely uncomfortable. So she called her friend who came and she went away with him later without saying goodbye. It was very crowdy, but I felt like so awkward and embarrassed. I felt damn like I lost my balls. So what do I have to do to keep my frame?
  12. Man I wish Id be proud having overcome pmo but it hasnt done anything for me tbh.
  13. Yes. But I am planning to just drop it all and leave for a trip. Dont really know if that helps my risky state of mind, but I need to heal.