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About Maru

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  1. I have experienced fainting and having a blackout on to much space cake. And i sleep every day To me it seems as if i am never unconscious, my consciousness just skips forward. If there is an infinite void at the end of life, then where would it come from and how would you be conscious of it? Does unconscious really exist? I once went wild camping in a hammock in a pitch dark forest. In absolute middle of the night i woke up, and there was no sound, no light and because i was hanging it sorta felt like floating. Its the closest iv been to absolute nothingness and it was a really strange sensation. But blank sensory input still seems to have static.
  2. What do you mean specifically by understanding? I mean you can understand things by using your mind and language to "know" things. But you can also sense things directly and be conscious of them. But Both have limits i guess. Reality seems far to multidimensional to be known in words. And my senses seem way to crude to sense all of it. It also seems possible to boost your imagination trough for example psychedelics, but i find it hard to judge if this imagination can be used as tool to know how it all works. I think i remember Leo saying something like "to truly know the spoon you have to be the spoon" Maybe i remember that wrong, but it makes me think of another thing. Things seem to have an inside and an outside. And i can only know myself from the inside and everything else from the outside. How can i truly understand everything and everyone without being both all the insides and outsides at the same time? Is that a state that you can reach as a lil earth monkey? Just some thoughts
  3. Are you not the same? You seem awfully confident that you know better somehow. Just like everybody else.
  4. I think the suffering makes the moments of blissfulness more valuable. After a long cold drab winter, a sunny vibrant spring seems like pure heaven to me. I also don't believe from my experiences on LSD that the universe is an controlling force. I always seem to think that "its all me" But as you said i have no direct control over anything. Yet somehow things always seem to turn out the way i want them to be, for better or for worse. Its kind of mysterious.
  5. I find addiction a bit mysterious. The dutch word for addiction is kind of translated "enslavement" You become a slave to something outside of yourself because it brings you joy. I guess it comes down to the idea that as long as you are not enjoyed by yourself then you will be enslaved by something outside of yourself. Now i am not enjoyed by myself. I get bored really fast and so i crave something to keep me occupied constantly. To try to solve it at its core and be enjoyed just by "being" is some high lofty goal that seems out of reach. So my method is to pick the addictions that seem to be least negative. Id rather be attached to playing video games with a friend, then sitting here eating chocolate by myself. I used to watch porn habitually even while having a girlfriend for years. When i was alone and bored it seemed like and easy 15 minutes of entertainment. And it sorta keeps the libido down. My girlfriend didn't really like it, and at some point I kind of found it a stupid habit. So i decided to just quit doing it. Next to that i decided to not masturbate neither unless i get so horny it keeps me awake at night for hours. This was about a year ago and i noticed a few things within myself. When away from my girlfriend for an extended time (about 2+ weeks) I start laying awake at night being horny as hell. It also gives me cravings for drugs that enhance sex or masturbation. Its just horrible. I then give into the urge to masturbate. But it tends to not calm the horny mood. It really feels like enslavement at that point. Another thing i noticed is that society is god damn horrible with sexuality. Its used as a tool to get your attention constantly. But whatever asks your attention never gives you sex in return. Its kind of like a subtle bait and switch. Advertisement, TV shows, social media, games etc. Its giving you a constant stream of sexual stimulation but it never gives you sex. Its just baiting you to buy something or to give the sexy person an ego boost. So i try to avoid that sort of shit as much as i can. Which is hard because i am quite addicted to watching YouTube and even with turning the adds of allot of shitty content tries to bait you with boobs. Allot of RPG type games are also filled with 200% sexy characters. Now due to me having a girlfriend I cant say what happens if you push abstinence. I cant really go full monk. Iv spoken with someone who has done it and he said it takes a while for the horny to subside. I mean even my dreams get horny. Its a hard habit to break. Iv broken lots of habits but sex related ones are the worse for me.
  6. I once smoked a huge bong rip of weed. I became so high that i saw i was imagining it all and everything connected to me. I was the first to awaken i was the prophet. I was the savior. All minds connected to mine as an all containing hivemind Then i became aware that this would imply the end of the game. So in all my wisdom i decided that it would be best for every being to forget it ever happened. Of course i remember. So technically i was first Then again, i am ego so it was just ego having an egotrip.
  7. I find it very confusing out on these forums. Maybe my definition of what ego is is wrong or something. To me it seems like allot of people just repainted there old ego with some fresh spiritual paint. Reading this topic is quite funny though. I say leave the sex doll and get a girlfriend. Iv got one and we don't match perfectly but its fine. I still love her.
  8. Supposedly you can force 1 pain away by experiencing a worse pain. And so people with intense emotional pain can then supress there emotional pain by harming themselves. This is called auto-mutilation as far as i know. I used to be in a therapy group with some other people who had borderline disorder and they seem to do this sort of stuff allot. So i would say if you auto-mutilate at least visit a therapist for some advice.
  9. It hurts my mind thinking about it. What does "me" even mean when the PoV you have seems to identify with whatever its contents are. I once took LSD and my PoV was just a geometric fractal dancing in 2dimentional space. I was totally convinced i was that shape till the moment i opened my eyes.... Its really strange.
  10. Your doing exactly the same though. It confuses me that you blame people for things you do yourself and then somehow fail to see this. I did not add questionmarks behind my sentences for no reason. They were ment as questions to you, not absolute statements. I just wanted to try to show you that the opposite perspective of your own exists and might be valid. You know, try to open your mind to the opposite. Is that not the reason why you have a discussion? To break the illusion that black is better then white or visa versa.
  11. I guess the only truth to any word is the sound it makes as it leaves your mouth or the mark it leaves on whatever surface you scribble it.
  12. @Razard86 You sir confuse me. Are you not just as much ego as we are?
  13. I always think its kind of funny that the so called atom, the basic building block of chemistry is 99.9~% emptiness. Or so the science people say. I wonder what percentage of that atom its non emptiness is also empty when you start cutting it in even smaller pieces.
  14. You could be right. In the end i am just speculating based on my bias. We would have to go and try to make that AI. Make it in a way that imitates the human experience and see what happens to it. Cameras, microphones, pressure and heat sensors. They do exist. I would say the tricky part is how do you give your AI a form of consciousness that resembles that of a human. Instead of that of a rock. Would giving a computer senses, neural network and memory be enough? Then train it with language so it can translate it senses in concepts?
  15. I am quite happy that there is allot of normal people. They do all the things i deem boring and uninteresting so i don't have to. The world needs a balance of both. The normal and the abnormal both have roles in this game of life id say.