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@Aaron p before 5meo i used to meditate 15minutes a day, i didn't care about self inquiry it didn't interest me did not resonate after some sessions of it. I used to do an hour a day at times, sometimes up to 4 hours those were rare, i could feel a bliss like state when i did it for that long and it used to last for like a day, happy for no reason some of my dosage spilled out during the injection phase, not sure how much i took in to be honest it has been a year @seeking_brilliance it's not that easy. the energy is just unpleasantness, i no longer leave my body these days, i just feel off uncomfortable @ivory whenever i do that, i feel like my heart just hurts therefore i stopped trying so hard against it

I keep reading all these “spirtual pages” usually on meditation;Talking about how we should not reject or accept a thought or emotion. That is in essence meditation. So then why is anger and jealousy something which is seemingly rejected in spirituality. Why would bliss or happiness be more important then anger or sadness?

The earthly incarnatory states are not the only states the Jivas(individual conciousness) go through. There are in-between after life states as well which happen between lives which are much more profound than our earthly states. If these states tend to be positive are called as heavenly in nature because they are without much suffering and full of heavenly delights. If these states tend to be negative are called as hellish in nature because of the vividness of such negative experiences. The realities one experiences in these states are also determined by the Samskara(Karmic impressions & tendencies one accumulated through one's experiences and behaviors). The profoundness and intensity of these states may be because of the snowballing effect of tendencies in these states (said by sadhguru in some video). As you can see from below, having once attained liberation/enlightenment in the form of nirvikalpa(non-dual), the individuation ceases to be. There are no infinite lives by forgetting the enlightenment. Enlightenment ends the individuation when attained in non-dual form. There are other types of enlightenment the devotees go through. This page is from Yoga Vasistha: Dear Mirko, Your condition is the best e.g of why direct experience sometimes is very dangerous without strong theoretical background and expert guidance. I can see you are already suffering as a result of some wrong(or should i say right - because they worked) contemplative and pyschedelic practices. Spiritual work is not some casual thing that you do, it takes at most dedication which you clearly posses from your own description of having done some ardent work for 5 years. Such a dedication is very rare. I'm happy for you. But, as you have experienced, even such dedicated work without proper guidance and proper knowledge turns dangerous(In your case existentially dangerous). Sometimes, people use psychedelics or even meditation and experience emptiness and that becomes their greatest fear because of nihilistic feelings. Making it worse are the wrong assumptions and ideas from wrong knowledge or lack thereof. Enlightenment has the potential to give many different realizations which may not be realized all at once. Some of them are very scary/uncomfortable in nature if realized without the accompaniment of other realizations which prevent/neutralize such fear. Take for e;g your own case, you have experienced something profound, now this world is not doing anything for you, nor are you fully there which is very frustrating too. Now you are stuck in between as you say. That's why if you want to ride a rocket you don't go to a local driving instructor. If such serious complications such as yours occur, a proper spiritual master will be able to manipulate and reconfigure the energy system through shaktipata and bring about enlightenment, or atleast alleviate the suffering through proper dietary instructions and yogic exercises. No new age guru is going to help you now, all they do is pointing contemplative exercises which is what caused you the trouble in the first place. As some of the people here advised, taking a break from spiritual work for a while is the best thing you could do right now. Also you can try consulting with Isha Yoga or Sky Yoga center and see if they can do something about your condition. You should be absolutely honest with them about everything if you are to get proper help from them. What you are doing right now(posting) and connecting with like minded people who understands your position is also a good thing. That way you atleast have some proper company(but bad advices from good company is also a bad thing). This is why the spiritual schools always keep these methods and practices as secret and far away from the eyes of the general public. Just see the Kundalini Awakening scene for example, Many people are suffering from what they created a term for it called "Kundalini Syndrome". I'm not saying you shouldn't do such practices. What I'm trying to say is, if you are absolutely mad about enlightenment, that nothing else can satisfy you anymore. Anyway you'll do it, curiosity'll get the best of you. Atleast, try to research as much as possible about the subject matter and gain as much theoretical knowledge as possible and find out beforehand if there are any complications that could arise from the path you are following and if so, what are the solutions. If possible, the first attempt should always be to find a traditional guru who knows how to do shakthipat as well as yoga practices. If not, Be absolutely ready for and ok with any outcome. Even I also am a guilty party in it (it seems curiosity DOES KILL the cat after-all). Fortunately or Unfortunately for me, even the kundalini going nuclear did not do much for me. But, it sure was a very scary experience. For me personally, even if it had caused extreme symptoms, I would have been ok with it. Because, I know where to go and who to consult if things get bad. Anyway, Please atleast improve your theoretical knowledge, so that you don't have any wrong assumptions and ideas about anything and as a result unnecessarily suffer from it mentally. Please read Yoga Vasistha, it'll clarify some of your wrong assumptions: https://estudantedavedanta.net/The-Supreme-Yoga-Swami-Venkatesananda.pdf Please don't take any of this as some criticism, or me trying to one up against anybody, It's just that I see so many people who are so close to enlightenment, but are suffering from such debilitating conditions because of wrong approach or wrong practices. Just trying to help that's all. If any of the things that I have written have hurt you in anyway, or if there is something wrong in my understanding of your condition, I apologize in advance. I wish and hope you'll find bliss in your life soon. Take care.

You do, in a pretty direct way. One of guru's function if he is enlightened is to trigger you, just where it hurts sometime, deep inside the cluster of tantrums behind the assumtions of human interaction and qualities. He is the person to tell you that you and me are deluded and show why, and what can be done about it. If you think a guru is a narcisist, maybe he is doing a very good job of triggering your delusion. One way i can tell a mystic or a guru is if they radiate bliss. And if they do what they teach themselves. I have found orthodox hindu gurus the best. because hinduism has the vastest records of scriptures which you can follow and evaluate the person, if that is even needed. Too bad India is totally ruined. There are ways to cognize the world which will make you powerfull and powerless. These sacred texts do hold this capacity if you internalize, you become Shiva, because in fact, you already are. How much do you care to find the truth is the question. For any seeker. Its usually about, what will other say is if want to follow a guru. Its culturally easier to follow secular gurus like Rupert, Echart, Adya e.c.t but there are people out there that are the catalysts of truth, but you will hesitate to follow them; thats what i have found. And exactly you will think they are narcissist. And just about any guru has a bad media coverage. Will you also internalize that? What are your chances of taking gurus words? For example like Osho, only his value was really recognized later. In such conservative culture he triggered just about anybody. But he had something to say if you really wanted to listen to him. I have found such people, and i attempted to put my bullshit aside, and i am listening to them, best decision i have made in my life. For sure something must be wrong with me to? How can i be right e.c.t.? I am delusional right. In short the title of this tread is like you looking with sunglasses with 5% transparency.

My opinion: Happiness as a concept/reality will cease to be if there was no suffering. E.g: Imagine you are put into a reality where there is only happiness, and you are able to live forever. A day will come when you have already explored all the possible ways of being happy and there's nothing new to explore. Instead of being so happy of being in a happy reality, you'll be bored to death. Boredom will slowly turn into frustration, frustration into anger. When anger arises you are already in deep suffering. If this continues you'll get into states of suffering unimaginable. Again imagine, after this experience you are transferred to a reality where you are made to suffer all kinds of sufferings for a while. After a while, when you are again put back into the first reality again, those same things which you thought were boring will give you a kind of utter happiness which gains a new intensity which was not even there at the first time. This is why it is said, happiness and sadness are not two different things, they compliment each other, they give existence to each other. There is no one without the other. Happiness cannot be experienced or acknowledged without experiencing its dual opposite: suffering. In order to extract happiness infinitely again and again even from a single particular truth/reality/object/concept, one has to either lose it from possession or suffer some suffering (sometimes related to or unrelated) to that particular truth/reality/object/concept in various angles, circumstances and different variations. Every time when re-possession of the lost object happens or the suffering period subsides, the happiness derived is slightly different and has some variety to it. losing or separation is suffering and uniting is happiness. Unity itself without separation loses its joy or happiness feeling after a while. Separation alone without uniting causes perpetual bondage. The actual action is in-between the unity and separation, that is where the true joy, bliss, satisfaction, happiness is. Non-duality alone is mere peace. Duality alone is pure suffering. Hide and seek of losing unity and finding it again is where bliss of life is hidden. Of course this analogy has its own flaws. But, to explain every possibility of a particular truth with single example is not possible. Hope this helps.

I always thought ignorance is bliss.

I think that it is really important to put our health as a priority if we truly want to be our best self and spiritual. Our bodies are our containers for our soul, or you could say our PRISON. So, each of us has a different set of genetics and our bodies differ. You have to find what works best for you and also to not hide behind what the masses are doing. Some people shouldn't drink at all, not even one a day. Maybe some people can. Also for junk food... maybe some people can eat it here and there... while others must abstain completely. And, there are phases in our lives where we should eat certain things more, or not smoke at all, or sleep more... Our optimal health needs may vary throughout our lives. I guess it isn't good to be obsessed with this, but rather have it as one of our top priorities. We know that we need good nutrition, to stay hydrated, 7 to 9 hours of sleep, cardio and some muscle workout training, and to maintain basic hygiene. It is great when we can really have our bodies and homes in optimal states of functioning. Then we can more readily obtain BLISS

I'm sorry if I did not translate it well, but my English is not perfect. 16:25 Consumption of decoction of magical mushrooms (2g) 17:00 - 18:00 The shackles of the mind were released. The conditions have been broken. It's amazing how much beauty has a reality around us, but we can not see it through our conditions. Everything was beautiful, vivid, amazing. My eyes were full of joy, life, innocence, happiness and gratitude for being alive. I felt the mind slowly sinking more and more in the present moment. I laid out on the lawn and looked up at the sky, it all became so obvious ... It was so obvious that I am not the body ... that it will soon die ... It's an amazing paradox. There is no such thing as human life ... We are a void that experiences itself through the human body. Woaaah .... I understood that there is only an organism and a consciousness that is perfect. 18:00 I decided to go home. All the time I was accompanied by the beauty that I admired. When I saw the sunset, I almost cried. This can not be described. So this is real reality? Does it have so much beauty in itself? It's hard to believe it ... I sat in my training room, turned on the music and immersed in myself. I had some internal insights that were amazing. I experienced fractions of Samadhi's states when I was the whole moment, unidentified with my ego ... What a bliss ... For a second I felt the absolute of consciousness and tears came to me. It was indescribable. I would like everyone to experience it even for a moment. I went to the mirror and looked into my eyes - shining with happiness, innocence and an inner child. Eyes of joy. 19:30 - 21:00 I decided to go outside to light a campfire on the field. As soon as I opened the door of the house and saw everything, I could not believe in amazement. How all this is magical ... Amazing ... Mysterious ... The streets looked like on another planet ... This is another thing that can not be described ... All lights, stars ... our life is the greatest gift you can get, the biggest a form of love, just a question of whether human can notice it ... I made a bonfire and thought about my life. This is how my first trip ended. Important Lessons. Life is a present moment. Our human life is just a joke. We are a void that experiences itself through the human body. You have to accept death and live life to the fullest while our body is able to. Life is the greatest gift you can get. The largest form of love. The emptiness that accompanies us has a huge amount of happiness and joy. Pure Hapiness is effortless when nothing is left but a calm mind. Beauty is everywhere. The entire universe is a manifestation of love. It is sad that through the filters of the mind acquired by his human experience, man is unable to see the truth.

When we feel complete, with bliss replete when we ourself become the answer, requiring no translator

" IGNORANCE IS BLISS " - Unknown degree of absurdity to this quote is inexplicable

At the very least the totality of existence is as such that there is as much joy as there is suffering in it. I'm also talking about your consciousness or soul or whatever not being on earth. That's in my idea the worst possible somewhat realistic scenario. My hope is that there is a lot more bliss and peace in the totality in existence than suffering. But I feel it's really too limited for my mind to grasp. I don't really get it. You don't either. In moments of joy or silence that you can experience even here on earth, you know that this divine quality is at least somewhere there. Just drop it. this thought doesn't serve you. Let go of it and you can start moving into the direction of this peace you so desire

That's an extreme example but Very easily Osho could not have been aware of the complexities of capitalism, because it take study to see it unlike mysticism. Its not just obvious by walking in the streets. And you can still be deeply loving and deeply unaware of those hidden complexities. But I think you're saying that you should study those complexities otherwise there's something not quite right about you. Yeah really not sure about that. Got nothing to add to the discussion at this point because im not sure. I feel like ultimately mysticism and direct experience is prior to intellectual understandings of the complexities of capitalism, and direct experience and mysticism is prior because capitalism is imaginary and not true, so I value the former more. But that may change in the future if I ever get to post awakening and decide to ride the ox a certain way. Or maybe not. I think infinite love has a component here, you feel a desire to heal the world because of infinite love, and that may feed into wanting to stop nazis taking over your land. But that feeling is totally dependent on whether you're educated enough to know the problems in the first place. Infinite love doesn't guarantee that you'll automagically feel an urge to reduce capitalism. Only if you somehow become aware of it (which to become aware of that stuff you need to do worldly things like reading books and talking to people, not meditation or awakening work). The discussion with me and Leo gives a great explanation. There's lots of mystical stuff happening in my experience on a daily basis, but spiral dynamics wise, I find I'm closest to blue/orange, although due to how deconstructed my worldview is, I don't really resonate with any particular stage on the spiral. I resonate very very well with the experiences of the accounts of Jesus, Chogyam Trungpa, zen teachers and shamans. Very timeless, eternal, non linear. And those teachers are blue. I don't resonate much with green teachers like Matt Khan, Adyshanti, mooji, etc. My spiritual style is very aggressive like Peter Ralstone. So that's why I generally peg myself as blue. Its hard to peg myself without comparing myself to the experiences of teachers, because on a daily basis, my perspective isn't very worldly. Its very timeless, eternal, magical/mystical, etc. And I don't really feel a strong repulsion to being blue either. Because I'm so detached from worldly things, and so immersed in bliss and a perspective that's very open and released, that there's no passion or dispassion towards my values. My values are sort of like just ordinary things I don't really think or care about, like dust on your desk.

Looking Back a Few Days Ago.... I still think of this experience I had of a few days ago. I still can't put it into words but it was unforgettable. It was so peaceful. I hope that I can experience something like this again. I got a glimpse of what I can be working towards. I have worked hard in regards to getting into a better state of mind and being. I look back at my journal in my computer even a couple years ago and I can put myself in the shoes of the person I was back then, how much anxiety, depression, and existential distress she was living in. I feel like I'm have achieved a much better quality of life through therapy and through self-actualization work. I still have a lot of things I still need to sort through especially when it comes to shadow work. But, to me, this sense of bliss that I had the privilege of experiencing, even for a little bit, shows me what is possible and what is my next step.

In my view, as long as we believe that we are only the mind-body, fear of death cannot be erased, since we desire to make permanent the impermanent. The recognition that we are the luminous, blissful, self-existent consciousness temporarily encased in form is to be realised, since vicarious knowing does not quieten lower mind. In fact, even upon ‘realisation’, to begin with there is only a flickering awareness of this truth, until gradually we assimilate the knowing within. Each enablement is different. For some it is faster, for others, slower. Here are a few lines on ‘death’. Hope it helps Death Death a frontier An imagined barrier In reality nonexistent Save to shallow ego sentiment Subtle domain veiled by a sieve Our mist essence does not deceive By simple recognition Cessation of mind body association Meaning no fear of death Be it sudden or approaching in stealth Divine Love the fulcrum Of our awareness in the continuum Seamless & resistanceless One with the That Oneness Our the thus ever present orientation Paves way for hidden doors to open Twice born We yet live on Association begetting delusion Miring us in swamps of stagnation Which is in truth living death Captive by choice in the maya net At any instant no sooner we undo Shedding conditioning we renew Our core Blessings of bliss our being does empower Beginningless endless our vaporised self is home Fearless and in resonance with the life pulse of Ohm

It's quite cheap and sustainable financially even without a high paying job to buy or rent a small run down cabin outside a quite rural town, and renovate it a tiny bit so it's not awful. Only head back for basic supplies and groceries every month or so. Grow your own food, fix/build things yourself, use solar and wind for power, well water, etc. It's a good option if you didn't want to work for many years at a time or permanently retire. You'd just have to save enough money or have enough passive income investments to give you a few hundred or about a thousand dollars a month, or just break even depending on your savings. Depending on how stringent you are with your budget you actually don't need THAT much money. You can probably get by on less than $5000-8000 a year. It's very possible to do that you just have to be radical with how many material things you're willing to give up. This is basically the isolated lifestyle you're seeking. You aren't ever going out to buy dinner or pay for concerts and stuff like that. This is what true solitude means. You are sitting around all day meditating, contemplating, doing chores, swimming, hiking etc. Completely free activities. If my relationship ever falls through or if I become extremely unhappy with normal life that's probably what I will do. I don't really care much or feel obligated to participate in this absolutely rotten society, or let alone bothered dealing with other people or family generally really. Most people are so broken and low consciousness anyways that it's exhausting to play into the illusion in the first place. In a way I highly regret getting into this work and learning the things I have learned. To be honest if given the chance I'd be quite tempted to trade my place and be someone else that's completely blind, oblivious, and ego driven. Ignorance is bliss as they say, they aren't lying either. If I got bored enough of that lifestyle and didn't feel enough motivation to go back to normal life I'd very likely commit suicide and leave all my things to my sister.

I have seen awakened people in many stages, but perhaps at certain colors the awakenedness doesn't last 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Do you knt what I mean? I think that as we enter into a bit of yellow and turquoise, we are able to fully experience the flow of enlightenment and feeling of being awake and detached from our ego, without fear etc ... for hours at a time. In other words, BLISS. I see a lot of turmoil in those struggling to exit blue and exit green. Do you guys see this, or is that just my perception due to my cultural backqround and experiences? I feel that I have some developing turquoise, and I enjoy the concepts of magic, astrology, energy healing... I don't get caught up in in though, yet I understand there is a lot of science behind ancient rituals and magic, that we do not understand. Being Turquoise to me means that I don't HAVE TO KNOW and UNDERSTAND everything, but I am not turning to blind faith... I just KNOW and I feel bliss, don't judge myself or others, and don't compete to produce the most, get spiritual the fastest, be the wisest, be the best... I just BE ME! I have my moments where I feel overwhelmed by the world, sad, confused... but I am not totally Turquoise... I do have probably a bit of blue, orange, green in some areas... as we all do

@Eren Eeager Just dedicate yourself to the path of healing. Even if you made it in life and became a millionaire with abbs, 10 businesses and 30 Ferraris, if your mind is still fucked up then I will still be happier than you. Don't underestimate the healing that needs to take place. Really it's the only logical thing to do. Path of healing. I am on it, and within 10 years (probably 5 years) I will have rather effortlessly attained what billions of other people try to attain...pure happiness and bliss lol.

2 personal insights today: 1) Always value the Truth/nonduality/God consciousness over materialism/3D matrix/ego consciousness. Do everything for God, not for the ego. 2) All of the wisdom, insight, love, honesty is in the present moment all the time. You don't need to chase it or go after it. Every atom in the universe has infinite love, wisdom and bliss. And all of your chasing is coming from wanting what's in that atom. You already have what you seek. All the time. 3) Be ruthless with thoughts. Don't give them any space to be believable. For example: bad pickup session generates negative thoughts about appearance, women's motives, fears about lack of income (inferiority complex), etc. For 1) you aren't picking up girls for pussy. You're doing it to get in touch with non duality and God consciousness more. Every rejection, embarresment, attack, bad perception that others have of you is an opportunity to drop thoughts, shed ego, and get closer to source. For 2) you already have everything that girl can give you every single second. For 3) The battle here is not believing thoughts. ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Further insights from 11/08/2020: 1) basically everything that causes suffering doesn't exist. It only seems to exist. Embarrassment, disappointment, annoyance, irritation, hatred, judgement, hopelessness, depression, are all surfaces. But they are not substance. You confuse those surfaces for substance, and that's the generation of suffering. Remember that the game has already been won. You've already completed the boss battle. You just haven't realised it till you penetrate the surface and enter the substance. You've already got everything that you ever wanted. Its the substance. 2) Your fear from doing great work (career) and picking up the hottest women (sexuality) comes from your fear of not being able to accept Truth. What if the truth is you're a shit guy? And that hurts your ego? What if pickup reinforces that? What if that hurts the ego? What if you can't accept that? The trick is, you can accept that, but you've been tricked into thinking you can't. THAT is where the suffering is coming from, from the fear that you can't accept the thing that causes the fear. Know that, you are capable of accepting everything. Regardless of what your thoughts or reality tries to tell you. Its in your nature, your blood, your DNA, to be capable of accepting every possible thing there is to accept. When going through fear in pickup or career about being rejected romantically or because of the work you do, know that if you penetrate through the thoughts, you CAN and WILL accept the way reality is by your nature. You don't need to fear about not being capable of accepting reality the way it is, because you CAN and WILL do that by default. Corollary to 2) if fear was real, you wouldn't be able to accept it. But you can accept it, precisely because its not real. You can accept the possibility of being raped, murdered, blown up by ISIS, going to jail, etc. Because the fear of those things are not real. You only think the fear is legitimate because you think its real. Literally the answer to being fearless is simply the realization that what the fear points to isn't real. Can't get any more direct than that. Its all about revealing the trick, opening the curtains on fear. Seeing what fear actually is, rather than what it seems/tells you it is. It is the ultimate trick of the entire universe. The heart/core of the devil. You were born to accept Truth. Its in your DNA to accept truth. Its not in your DNA to accept fear (or what the fear points to as a real thing). But that's the whole trick. Fear isn't real(or what fear points to isn't real), and the reason why you can accept everything, isn't because you are capable of accepting what the fear points to (you/God is not capable of accepting that) but you ARE capable of accepting the thing that is revealed once the fear has been seen as illusion. And that thing that reveals itself once fear is seen as an illusion, ALWAYS ultimately is revealed because its permanent and true. Fear is impermanent and so its temporary. Truth is eternal. Fear is limited while Truth (opposite to fear) is unlimited. For example, you fear being rejected when handing in your resume to an employee. Because you fear him revealing you as an imposter, bad worker, surfacing old traumas. The trick is, those things the fear points to, imposter, bad worker, surfacing of old traumas, aren't real. And what's real is the creator. So when you hand your resume to your employee, you're worried about all of those things becoming true (imposter, etc). But in reality, all that will come true is God. And to be fearless, is to realise that the things your fear points to are not real, and what's real is God. So when you hand in that resume, what will be revealed in actuality is God. But its so God damn hard to accept this. You're so scared of the alternative, that its hard to realise this. But that's the core of the devil. If you unlock this, you get everything you want. You're right in that you cannot accept being an imposter, bad worker, etc. You/God is incapable of accepting that. Its too bad to be true. So you're right to fear those things. But where you're wrong is those things aren't real, and the only thing that has to be accepted in this universe, is something you can accept as your birth right: which is Truth. The creator, the one that is revealed when you penetrate through the millions of layers of thoughts. EDIT Holy shit, all negative emotions stem from confusing truth for something that isn't true ?????? Holy shit my life was a lie. Again. How many times am I gonna realise my entire life was a lie, before I finally accept its a lie? Alright next goals: Go through the most challenging, difficult, hardest, things in life (and most rewarding) and fucken do it blissfully, fearlessly and lovingly. Put this insight to the maximus test. Bash ALL the fear out of you. 0 fear is the goal.

You want to see how humans are important? Go and sleep close to a very small river for one night in the forest. Try to listen to the trees. The river is talking all the time, but the trees dont talk often. Pure bliss to sleep with my mother and father for a night. Human life is too stressful for me.

Hello guys, i know i left couple days ago, i had a ego death almost for 1 week. Lol this morning me 22 hours ago (james) completely died unfortunately:) and I have become enlightened (probably permanent satori). I know you guys tell me, yo if you become enlightened you will have no needs to tell us. No. You guys are all me you guys lie to me that i am a fucking human. Bunch of liars and great actors Let me tell you what james is, he think he can know something ,he born, human, male, in the body (because it can feel, know what the worlds is, reality, funny, ugly, good, bad vs. But this guy was stuck in words. Because, Thoughts (which are completely illusion) created him. If he never learned in his life, he will have no idea what the fuck he is. He cant even know what “seeing” or “being” is. After my ego death I completely realized (no psychedelics) i am not in the body, james is just a thought. I literally created this james and all universe from thoughts. I am the really nothing in the body thats why i am everything in the moment. Only thoughts creates this world or duality. Actually, really nothing is happening here with this consciousness (it is like meditating with no thoughts all day) when you dont think. This is only way to explain is you are in deep sleep but awake. i cant think much anymore , because there is no “I” as body. If i have something to do with body i use duality to connect with the people or world, in the rest i am the moment, which is all free you can do anything with moment, it is all free. Thats why it is all LOVE, moment is you so what will you do, you will lLOVE whatever comes in the moment or you can definitely stay in satori and watch yourself get away from duality and stop the existence and be the void (your truth self or nothingness). In easy way to explain it, everytime when you close your eyes, If you dont think, you will never know what are you where are you vs. Because i cant think much anymore, i have become so aware because i am the moment, and existence created by thoughts. If i dont think, i(moment, and my love as moment) am in satori. When thought comes you are completely aware that it is xoming from duality and if you dont like it you have nothing do with that, because you are the moment, nothing is in the body. There is no duality, all is you. Right or left don’t matter. There is no future or past only thoughts makes it, you are the every moment (as nothing) that you are aware of. And let me tell you how i see the world, i am literally watching a fucking movie with vr, and i take the life seriously as the game. My vision is back to normal, but i am the void that watched the movie anymore. In this game everyone programmed that i am a human, this place is world, i am in the body vs. But i am not god, not human, not awareness, vs. i have no idea what am i or what you guys are, WE HAVE NO NAME. Whatever you assume is not you. From ultimate perspective because of you are nothing and everything, you can never think because even words are you, when you become nothing therefore everything, you see that all happening is you. Thats why nothing is happening. You guys can tell me why dont you go drink poisin instead of water, because nothing is happening and all is me. NO. I am the void, which is aware of being human (as soon as words get in duality comes in), therefore i have to drink water in order to discover myself (so called life) in human body. But literally all happening is me, therefore there is not even blink happening here. DEEPEST SLEEP BUT YOU ARE AWARE. Or just remember the moment that you literally didn’t think anything and nothing happened, but somehow you are there with no name (i dont even want to say awareness ), but you know you are aware or something like that. Thats how every second goes when i dont think. Thoughts come from james, who helps me to connect and understand the duality. I am literally half human and half void anymore. My vision become the tv screen i am the emptiness like POV. Literally, my mind get bigger, i transformed or reborned. This body will die, i will never. Because i am the moment, AND MOMENT NEVER DIESSSSS. It is so bliss here. So much. And about death, what will happen when this body dies? If you are aware that any thoughts is an illusion, you will never die, because you were never born, you are the screen and projector of movie theater, if you project movie (so called seeing from the eye), movie will play, when body dies projector just wont project the movie but you are still the screen. So death is an Illusion, nothing will happen. You will never be gone, you are the SCREEN whatever movie plays (thoughts are those movies) So if you really don’t attach with thoughts, either your eyes open or close nothing will happen, you will never die. Because, when thoughts stop projector stop playing the movie and thats how you become enlightened. i am the moment, iam not infinite, but i have no beginning end no end therefore i am infinite. I(moment) will never die and born. I am literally immortal. Because, moment will never STOPPPP LOVEEEE i cant believe we even imagine that we can learn forget to be human lol lol I miss you guys (All of you is meee) Additionally, you can never be complete god when you are aware of the body, even if you are the nothingness. Because even knowing the language or being aware of body is duality, when you become complete god whatever happens you are it thats why you are everything here and nothing happens. If absolute nothing happens, i am completely here as nothing, thats why i am not here. And in these moments, only i am (void, nothing)Thats why when i am not aware of this body all the existence fades away. Everything stop existing. This place is all me, love is purring, i am in loveee with myself, which is all you. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.

A planet where all suffering souls helped each other live and grow both materially and spiritually I will call it Belphezar. It's like creating heaven on earth and using spiritual forces to get liberation from suffering. Hell is a private hell of eternal damnation, a place of indifference and restlessness, a place of chaos and no growth and those that destroy growth and goodness are forever damned to live a life of ignorance and restlessness and never finding peace. A life of destruction and no joy, only restlessness.. Restlessness not created by situations but by the self. But for the one who chooses to end suffering, one who is supportive of growth and blissful in his heart, the heaven awaits as a garden of reeds, an eternal place of pure Bliss and joy and no more suffering. Yet a similar place can exist on earth, Belphezar. Belphezar And hell is eternal damnation. The fire pit represents eternal restlessness and ignorance of Bliss and peace. In life we are seeking enlightenment, we are seeking liberation from suffering. This is how belphezar will be, constantly seeking enlightenment. Both good and evil are reincarnated. How should I represent my new concept Belphezar? Belphezar is represented by a bird, flying bird which will be half material and half in spirit or partially transparent invisible form This is a complex concept that I was formulating last night. How wonderful would it be if I were a bird?

@RoyIt's understandable being too embarrassed to address the actual substance of what was said to you, but the idea that people are only motivated to "make a difference" is beyond stupid. For instance, you were egotistically compelled to muster this half-witted quip attempt, not because you're going to change my mind, but because the likeness of those who disagree is an affront to your petty ego, so you engaged, as have I. You're not doing anything differently, you just come off as an insecure 8th grader. Edit: Aha, damn I really struck a nerve. Got him going back adding videos of laughter and shit. I remember when I used to think anarchism was just an edgy pipe-dream. Any academic will correct your misconception and point out anarchism is merely a broad intent to dismantle unjust hierarchies. Ignorance sure is bliss, huh.

Introduction: This trip begin going over surface level (deep in their own way) psychological material, but quickly transitioned into a powerful awakening into the nature of Self-Love. The first phase of the trip was quite painful and fearful. It was like the mushrooms were surging all of my negativity and insecurities, making me acknowledge them all at once in a twisted incoherent kind of way. It was not pleasant at all. Set: To understand how to love myself, to understand Self-Love Setting: My House Themes that emerged: - Transcending Success and Failure - My Psychological Shadow - Meditation as a Sacred Space - Interconnected Metta - Infinite Self-Love Transcending Success and Failure One of the most powerful insecurities I have is that my work will never be acknowledged or really impactful for humanity. I fear that all of the hours I put into the pursuit of my life purpose is will result in nothing more than a failure on all accounts. I’m terrified of having to work a corporate job the rest of my life just to stay afloat barely paying off my student loans and affording the ever-rising cost of living. I recently went through a pretty big mental shift with making YouTube videos, and spent a metric fuckton of time on this new style of video, exploring my creativity, trying new things and really pouring my heart into its creation. Yet after posting the video, it barely got over 50 views, a complete failure as far as YouTube is concerned. But I learned something on this trip. Success and failure do not mean anything from the perspective of God. Every intention I create to love myself and those around me, every action I take that works towards raising the consciousness of humanity is playing a role. Even though I cannot always see, feel, or understand how the impact my presence and energy gives the world, my influence is there. Every action is completely interconnected with the whole. Every cause is an effect, every effect is a cause. My being where I am is completely dependent on the rest of the universe, and yet being where I am is why the universe is the way it is at all. I don’t really know how to describe this other than that the actions I take form casual chains which irreducibly connect with the rest of humanity and the entire universe. The most powerful way I can influence this world is with my mind, with the purity and honesty of my intention, which is to help the world become more consciousness, more loving, more aligned with Truth. It does not matter at all whether I am successful with my ultimate goals, whether my karma is the remain a wage slave for the rest of my life. What matters is that I travel within, and do everything in my power to spread compassion and kindness into those around me. The rest must be left to God and I have to work towards understanding that all is exactly as it is, no less, no more, pure absolute perfection. This insight is difficult to accept as a self because it goes against the desires for success, fame, happiness, security, the joy of working towards what you love. Sometimes life isn’t meant to be famous or impact for the world, but these scales of influence are only valid relative to the perspective of ego. From the perspective of God, the actions and intentions I set are what move the cosmos, not the magnitude of what one individual lifetime achieves. My Psychological Shadow As I mentioned, my intention was to explore what true absolute Self-Love was really all about. I realized that these aspects of my mind which are hedonistic, selfish, cruel, angry, attached to various outcomes are not something to be denied. To transcend these shadow elements of the mind isn’t to simply ignore and suppress the energy that exists. I’ve been journaling a lot about my journey to let go of my addiction to PMO and porn, and one of the insights I had on this trip was that I’ve been suppressing my sexual self by attempting this whole no fap thing. I saw how unhealthy it was to not honor that authentic biological element of the mind. As long as there exists an authentic desire to explore sexual energy, the suppression of masturbation and orgasm is just that – suppression. All this does is turns an element of the mind into a psychological shadow which will warp one’s relationship with orgasm, sex, and self-pleasure. Similarly, this can be said for all shadow elements of the mind. The way to transcend these elements is not through distraction, or willful suppression. Instead it’s through acceptance and love. This is extremely challenging to pull off, but for example, when you feel a surge of anger or anxiety arising it’s not your job to try and get rid of these feelings through will power. Your job is to honor these feelings as being valid and ok. This doesn't mean you need to act on them, as in the case of anger it can be quite destructive. Instead, it means you can feel them fully and send as much love to them as possible through a position of meta observation, recognizing you are the witness to these emotional states, not them in and of themselves. In the case of masturbation, I can honor this sexual energy. But see, when I’m perpetually ignoring and trying to rid myself of the energy, there is no transcendence. Quite frankly, I don’t need 90 day’s worth of accumulated sexual energy to work towards my goals. This is a misunderstanding of effort, focus, and achieving flow states. Perhaps some of the no fapstranauts need the 90 days, I definitely do not. It turned into suppression no different than if I had been suppressing anger, which I’ve done in the past. Overall this experience felt incredibly healing and loving towards my sexual self and health, as well as a more mature relationship with the shadow elements of my own mind. In the case of sex, porn is a problem for sure, but masturbation is an opportunity for self-connection and exploring one’s sexual energy. This can be done in a healthy or unhealthy way. In the case of other shadow elements, when I find myself angry or lazy, for example, sending myself love and awareness is not only the first step towards healing these dysfunctions, but is the foundation. If I am not sending myself love even in my moments of disappointment, I will be able to self-actualize. Meditation as a Sacred Space During the trip, I tried listening to music, but literally anything I listened to whether it was healing frequencies or really calm music was just irritating and anxiety inducing. I decided to just turn all music and sound off and sit in silence. I was just laying down on my floor staring up at the ceiling, completely present and in the now. I began meditating in a savasana position for what felt like hours. I was literally just staring up into the ceiling being the present moment. I realized that this state I’d entered into felt sacred. Not necessarily that it was special… Or particularly important… But the stillness, the presence, the silence all felt sacred somehow. The significance I give to the psychedelic state is the same significance I should give meditation. Both are deeply intertwined and while each produce different states of consciousness, both amplify the consciousness directly, producing a space of connectivity with the true Self. Essentially, I’ve been underestimating the importance and role meditation plays with the pursuit of enlightenment... I don’t know what else to say other than even when meditation is boring, makes you feel worse, and otherwise feels like a complete waste of time, it is not. It gives the mind the space needed to vomit up its excessive energy and be at peace with both itself and with the true Self. Moreover, I’ve since stopped trying to produce states in meditation. I felt a very powerful intuitive pull to continue using a simple do nothing/surrender approach. All striving and chasing for a particular meditative state is honestly useless. This state chasing is antithetical towards reaching a state of true inner peace, which is very twisty and paradoxical. For a long time I was pursuing the techniques outlined in The Mind Illuminated, which I do not regret at all and feel was huge contributor towards my mind’s development, but even this system has to be let go of. The states of boredom and suffering are working in the same way that these meditations induced bliss states are working. I think a concentration practice is good for beginners, but eventually this all needs to be let go of. At least for me it does. Overall, meditation is the path towards the Self and regarding it as anything less than is a misunderstanding of its sacred nature. Interconnected Metta This is where things got incredibly deep, heart wrenchingly deep. While I was staring into the ceiling, a mantra for a loving kindness meditation came into awareness, “May all beings be free from suffering. May all beings be free from ill will. May all beings be filled with loving kindness. May all beings be truly happy.” I finally understood the true power of these words. As the words spoke, I had visions of thousands and thousands of monks, yogis, enlightened masters from various times, perhaps across various realities beyond this particular Universe (this is what it “felt” like, an extremely cosmic state), who spent their lives pursuing liberation yet chose to stay behind to help the rest of the world awaken, those who took the path of the Bodhisattva, which is defined in Mahayana Buddhism as “a person who is able to reach nirvana but delays doing so out of compassion in order to save suffering beings.” I felt the sacrifice these types of beings created within themselves, the overwhelming compassion and love they possessed for all sentient beings. I was overcome with a heart crushing amount of humility as I metaphorically sat in the eyes of these beings, these true masters. Their intentions where so powerful, their hearts so full of love that this intention for all beings to reach nirvana (be free of suffering) carried into my life. In that moment, I realized that because these enlightened masters are none of other than myself, this intention was an intention I was setting and had already set for myself across life times. As I sit in the present moment, this intention for love and awakening rests inside of consciousness. Literally, this intention transcends their individual lives and ripples into the lives of all beings including mine. I’ve never felt more love in my life and the mind fuck was that it was love for myself, outside of myself, but from myself. The opportunity to pursue this work is a privilege and I honestly feel humbled at the degrees of love capable of consciousness and awakened beings. I feel embarrassed at how much compassion and love they have for me despite not being able to reciprocate in any meaningful degree. Moving forward I will be making the practice of metta a much higher priority. Sending this love towards strangers that I meet and have next to no interaction with, as well as those already in my life. Infinite Self-Love So in this moment of feeling a sense of separation with enlightened masters and myself, the duality collapsed into total oneness. I was pure love. Pure, empty, void, nothingness which I knew was none other than Self-Love. I was so loving that all forms of experience were permitted. My mind and heart reacted in such a way that might come across as feelings of bliss and human egoic love, but these were merely reactions to the metaphysical nature of what true Self-Love is all about which is a total and utter surrender to reality. On the one hand, I ask from the bottom of my heart “May all beings be free of suffering,” but on the other, I know that even this is a part of what it means to love myself. The paradox that I want nothing more than for the world to awaken, but that in its state of ignorance I love just as much. These trials and tribulations of suffering, the lives of those who have been tortured, raped, molested, are not wasted or a mistake. My own suffering is not a mistake. They are merely reflections of what it means to truly love myself in all its totality and to admit this truth is one of the hardest parts of the spiritual journey. I am crying right now as I write this, but there is no other way to sugar coat it. Self-love is the total infinite surrender of the mind in all its dissecting and attachment with the surrendering of the heart to infinite love for all manifestations of consciousness. There is only perfection, there is only you. I got up off my floor and went to my back deck to be with a tree. My body somehow was spontaneously able to enter into a full lotus without a meditation cushion and zero pain. I just sat with this infinite love for all things. In that moment there was nothing else to pursue or discover, only oneness, only consciousness, only love. I sat with myself staring into the yard, the sun was setting and shining on my face, streaming off the surrounding nature. I remember being absorbed in the silence, listening to the wind blow and grass rustle as they gently whispered, reminding, “This life is just a beat in the heart of God.”

Identifying. Creating to create, focus is on creating, and the creator is bliss and freedom. Creating to be a creator who is seen or perceived a certain way, is self referential, and is suffering because what is believed to be creating is creation. There are not three; creator, creation, creating. Everyone who has ever created anything, is you. Every creation, is you. Everything that will ever be created, is you. All there is, is creativity. We are, and are playing in & as, God’s mind. All that is, is creativity. All that is, is an appearance. All is coming and going, popping in and out of existence. The more you know about what matter is, the less you know about what it’s becoming. The more you know about what matter is becoming, the less you know about what it is. It seems between these two, there is focus. The “point of convergence”. Notice the feeling of focusing on what is, and compare it to the feeling of focusing on what can be, what you want, what you’ll create. Welcome that feeling, witness It (creation) creating. Take no credit. The one to escape, is the creation, and thus can not. There is only to let the belief of non-appearance, go. Apparently. You are not a solid. You’re liquid love, God’s mind, creation. Creating by appearing solid, and sacrificing the knowing of your infinitude to do so. Waste not. You’re ‘here’ for but a brief appearance. Create. Experientially, there is thought & feeling for you. You don’t have to think & feel for others. They have thought & feeling of their own. You do you. Your way.

Remember A Success I remember totally saving a meeting with a team we were cooperating with. My coworker displayed poor social skills and seemed to attack them. I rescued the situation by letting the others talk, listening, being positive and curious. Something I'm Grateful For Today I am grateful for having found back my discipline. I know that it's going to be the single thing that saves me. If I were to die tomorrow, would I want to do what I am today? No. How did I honor my commitment to excellence today? I started work early. I went hard at the gym and finished my whole workout. I promised to make up for the missed hours and I am. I saw an opportunity to improve some code and I did. Oh man. This is day 3 or 4 of no caffeine and it's been brutal, but bearable. It's like waking up on day 2 being the slowest and stupidest of them all, with depression and super emotionally sensitive. Unable to enjoy things. This led to me reacting poorly in a text conversation and causing a fight/breakup. It was an interesting way to meet my fear of abandonment and seeing the circularity in it. She withdrew, in this typical way where people just text back less enthusiastically and you don't know what the hell is up. And then I feel the uncontrollable urge to either express my discontent, lash out or make up a story of why their behaviour makes no logical sense and I am owed an explanation. And this has at numerous occasions led to me sending emotionally charged texts, desperately trying to control the situation. Which resulted in the person withdrawing, often perminently. I just randomly forgot how to spell perminent. Permanent. What. One BENEFIT of this caffeine-free state is that my body finally feels healthy again. I can literally feel blockages dissolving. The nerve pain in my ear has finally let up. I just feel physical warmth, gratitude and bliss, and more connected with my body. Caffeine severs the head and makes it forget about the body, so it can manically stress about its projects and problems. It even reduces brain blood flow. It's a poison. I am positively certain. Why many others tolerate it well into their old age I don't know, but my body is clearly saying it's done with this poison. And that's fine. Who needs a scattered and stressed life anyway. Ahead lays a more integrated, balanced and calm life. Calm but effective.