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About khalifa

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  • Birthday 12/22/1990

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  1. I've been listening to ester and other channelers for over a year and I've practiced manifestation acts via vibration for quite awhile, I've had some success with manifestations or you could call 'coincidences' I've been treating my life as a dream world illusion land for quite awhile not taking any responsibilities for my days, just living life as if it's a vacation everyday for quite awhile. After my 5meo trip i just feel very vulnerable and more human than any god right now, I used to see myself as a god, but now i just see my self as more human than a god, but i'm aware that i cannot die but i feel like i cannot bend any dream worlds to my will, i used to believe i could cast 'magicka' and change things around me, Which did work to some extent, another example when i tried to channel my inner being and asked for answers i would usually end up with an answer in 24hours or so. But now I've lost all that or rather i do not want to connect to that or live with that unstability bend. I've had enormous fear rollercoasters for quite awhile, but i do see myself stabilizing, i guess i just needed a wake up call to play the rolemodel and just be me instead of some artificially modified drunk god with unlimited power. I felt so invisible for quite awhile i just never thought i'd see that much suffering happen to me as god for so long, I still have this human body to appreciate. It's been quite a journey for me. This might sound dumb but i really thought my 'physical body' can never be harmed until i allowed it to be, which was surprising to see it get harmed as i've put it in danger so many times without anything happening to me i guess it was just luck over and over. Between logic and my heart i try to marry them both instead of valuing my emotions more than logic. As god i used to just merely do as my mood told me to all the time, It felt really good probably the best phase of my life, i don't think i can top it, living life as a carefree god everyday was really something, but these days i feel myself more logical and i somewhat dislike it and feel uncomfortable about how scarcity is like when thinking i'm so limited. Feeling unlimited is really nice. These days i just try to let go slowly everyday, detaching myself and cherry picking of what's to be done while still taking minimal action a day.
  2. @OmniYoga I think what you are looking for is tantric meditation although just find what works for you try out different methods and go what feels like it flows with less resistance to what is
  3. @Angelite neither do people who follow various type of islam schools, oneness in islam has been long lost by sufi mystics themselves most of the muslims you see today are just shia/sunni schools in the middle east, as for other muslims around the world they don't even practice what G.C.C country muslims practice, it's quite awkward even as my days as a muslim to argue for places like palestine/hamas/taliban muslims etc, we just don't even see eye to eye, we're far off different it's like a modified half assed muslim culture in rich g.c.c countries (depending on what class/family they are born under) you can try drop the oneness on any of the above muslims, they will reject it hardcore and call you a kafir/infidel, that's bullshiting and does not know hallah his path and your translation is misleading and wrong, they will have a claim that local cult mosq dude they visit frequently knows more about islam then you do or a tv airing series they watch is the true path your post technically says is trying to define a long lost 'ism' islam means submission to god (familiar to surrender /commitment / peace) submission to god can be done in various deluded ways, ultimately islam is just giving up to a higher power, but the people keep making up all these crazy stories since they are just blind following sheep that eat up anything with their followtis syndrome kill yourself in a bombing for allah pray 5 times a day give give up your time and commit yourself for all these traditional stuff since that's what allah asks of you, the general muslim just obeys without question since he is afraid to displease allah, he/she isn't really given headroom to think much about their choice as muslims in the first place, well you could say that about any other place on earth technically I doubt god would say something like that, after all reality is just experiencing itself in infinity, why on earth would it say don't explore yourself and limit it's own explorations? we live in duality we are supposed to do everything, cherry pick anything as that is god's birthright zen devil or not, oh edit wait my bad part of infinity is to tell yourself not to experience stuff as reality as god lol.. (including limiting people to not marry non-believers so ignorance grows is part of what god would desire, god can be infinitely ignorant too as it explores itself) although personally i do like the idea of peace over making each other suffer as one I think there is a misunderstanding of what god is, god is right here right now, you, everything all worlds, and yes that makes even an ant a god a cell a god and not just your imaginary circle jerk of a thought of what it is, god is unlimited and not limited to a simple thought your mind has, your mind can't really comprehend it, it's beyond it always will be actually you cannot differentiate between the two, they will always be true together since they are one, wherever you look whatever you do, everything will always be true with it's own perceptive lens, deluded or not, every path is always right, everything is always true, for muslims, christians, atheists, agnostics or whatever subjectivity of perspectives if you separate two, they cannot be one anymore you are one with everything even the lies you tell yourself just enjoy the ride and cherry pick that's the best card you got to play, be yourself incase you missed it there is no one way for god but many ways, and if that means you want to argue with the forums about how your 'modified' islam is the right path way go ahead be your own guest this is your home and vacation to roleplay anyway be our guest mini god
  4. @outlandish I take a walk everyday around an hour, I do lift weights (bicep/tricep/shoulders and do push ups/burpee home workout that's around 4minutes or so, nothing heavy
  5. @Salvijus is this an online thing? thanks
  6. @hundreth @outlandish @pluto @flowboy I've noticed myself worried about going to bed and if i will rest well and i wonder how long the night may go, sometimes i catch weird vibrations pulsing through my head mid day or end day which makes my mind race with worrisome thoughts, Like i'm supposed to be at bed right now or even like 8 hours ago, and i keep coming up with excuse to delay bed just because i fear the night i fear the dark, Anxiety comes over me before bed and while in bed, I'm sure it will pass(sometimes mind says it wont) but for now I'm not sure how to dodge or talk to myself i find it rather difficult to calm myself I fear long nights and when i wake up tired i feel like crap/restless I've survived this long doing fine, why am i so afraid confuses me, I guess i just hate the roller coaster unstability, Like i've had 3 nights for the past week where i felt like my consciousness is falling off randomly towards the front. I regret sleeping at the car while someone was driving, it felt like a learned side effect from that where my mind keeps trying to imitate no idea why! I didn't figure that out until recently, my mind seems to be messing with me and my well being, Or could this really be anxiety/kundulini's work I still notice random fear pops up when i sleep to the side like some sort of trama of death, (honestly i have no idea why my body responds before my mind can think that thoughts) I've been sitting at the living room with my dad while he was playing his console i noticed the fear come up it was so random, I think side lying down triggers it, not always since i've had nights sleeping like that, but i notice a significant amount of trigger chance when i do so. Lying on my stomach seems to make things worse too, At first i thought it could be just my brain/organs gets stress from the position, but i've never really faced any difficulty sleeping with any position before, i feel somewhat baffled by this. Please kindly calm my thoughts down, Thank you Edit: tried to sleep 4 hours ago, freaked out my vibration of my brain was too high with a strange noise that i'm not used to, still freaking out now : ( tried to distract myself with games until it calms down, it's still here no idea what to do can't sleep too anxious
  7. @pluto @pluto From my understanding, meditation does increase our baseline consciousness which also may raise the nervous system's vibration to be more sensitive to trauma, am i wrong? I don't particularly feel like i'm any divine though perhaps because my knowledge graph plays a role. But it does feel like my body is going overboard on it's current at the moment, hence i feel like i should avoid rising it any higher and let the body settle it down. Am i mis-informed?
  8. @pluto from : If you scroll down to Quote : "Some Things to Consider Avoiding:1.Meditation – Various meditation techniques generally serve well to still and calm the rational thinking mind and to rarify consciousness and are definitely recommended for long term integration. However, when activated the contents of the psyche can be highly stirred up and regular meditative techniques can sometimes trigger further reactivation. If the initiate’s intent is to effectively ground themselves, it is recommended to suspend any regular meditative practices until these reactivations settle. " ---- Holy shit i just read the below one and i can relate, didn't realize i've been doing that "Obsessing & Pathologizing – There is a tendency, when one is continuing to reactivate after one’s initial experience, to obsess on the idea that the reactivation process may not cease or that something is somehow “wrong”. This can, in rare instances, lead to panic attacks or obsessive fear, especially over going to sleep. Generally, when continuing reactivation occurs it is due to contents within the initiate’s psyche needing to process and clear. The best way to do this is to simply relax and surrender into the activation experience, allowing it to unfold without resistance while breathing deeply, slowly and rhythmically in the understanding that the reactivation will indeed pass and will settle and cease in due time. Usually within just a few minutes. Be willing to stay with the process. While continuing reactivation is not necessarily a “normal” condition of the psyche, viewing it as a problem or pathologizing the process merely tends to exacerbate the situation. Recognize this is a powerful transformative process that may need some time to effectively resolve and integrate fully. " @hundreth thank you! what are your thoughts on meditation as i fall asleep? would that be a problem or it's fine? I find myself accidentally meditating on my breath since I've been used to it by my muscle memory to do so in the past year, it's something my mind does all the time before falling asleep or feeling my body's weight on bed/sensations which causes me to panic since i feel the weird odd vibrations
  9. @TrynaBeTurquoise yeah, i believed the awakening hype as if it would fix something in khalifa as if he was deficient , but tbh i was already happy, yet i fell into an ego trap of seeking more, the experience let me learn to be content as is no need to seek more or less, just be being in whatever form it is, my preference is to keep khalifa and give him the love he deserves, nothing wrong with that whether this is another deluded view or not if the absolute allows it, it can never be wrong can it ----- update- I've noticed i get anxious when i'm at home, slept at a friends home and anxiety was less present there, the moment i'm home i can see it come up, it confuses me yet i understand that it's just fear, what kind of fear i even speculate mostly of losing control / not being able to sleep at night / lots of worries, they are hard to control in a racing mind, thinking of renting a temp home to test the waters if that helps me heal faster, then again that means i'm running away from home? wondering what would be a more optimal way to heal here
  10. I'm still confused about meditating, I thought we aren't supposed to meditate after 5meo kundulini is running wild since it'll just trigger it and make it more unbalanced? This is part of why the nights are so long because i just don't know what to focus on and i keep accidently focusing on my breath then i get all these strange states of mind that i feel unpleasant about, sometimes i just want it to end, i start doubting that my brain chemistry is unbalanced and so on, it makes me fear this awakening scheme, since my body is acting on it's own and not really based on my mind, like i'm fine i'm calm, atleast i think i am why is my body suddenly scared triggered from falling asleep it gets tensed up. I question that a lot, and i wonder is still thinking it's about to die? Does it realize that it is an illusion and is on denial? is my body conscious and vibrating to that, I just wonder and wonder. It makes me feel uneasy since there are no straight up answers out there since everyone's experience is different and unique as there is no one fit size answer for us all. The 5meo was very unpredictable for me far off my expectations. I thought i'd become infinite love and call it a day on seeking, but nope here i am a month later wondering what's going on
  11. @Matt8800 i'd rather learn how to kill the kundulini, i like khalifa he's nice guy
  12. I notice that everytime i come home, whether it's my room or when i sit at the dark, i've noticed it's also present in all rooms around home, i can feel anxiety, it feels like my body thinks on it's own sometimes it feels like i'm about to lose control or get unstable, i'm not sure why that happens, hopefully it'll sort itself out, (i was guessing it's some sort of ptsd because of a near death experience with 5meo) I feel better when i leave home or sit infront of plants, or when i'm at the beach it's less noticeable, i noticed it comes up at the mall or when driving at night sometimes, I'm quite confused about it. I guess i'm just worried about long nights, since i spend a lot of my nights just trying to sleep wondering if i will sleep soon, and then i would experience strange sensations that i dislike, like the recent episode was around 3 days ago where i felt like my mind was just zooming/time traveling while i was still conscious and in my place. Although i'm pretty sure it's my mind playing tricks on me because i talked to a friend that did like ecstasy+ some other psychedelics once a year, where he told me a similar story regarding his consciousness would travel either to the left or right while he was trying to fall asleep, It felt similar to that. I guess i should just let go and let go overtime it should sort its self and i'll be fine? I notice when i read assurance posts that i'll be fine and back to normal eventually, it makes me feel more at peace and less anxious since my mind is racing with worrisome thoughts. I'm still confused if this is PTSD anxiety or kundulini since i do feel vibrations around my head and heart area mostly. I no longer feel any sensations in my legs at nights from the few nights before it. Those were there at the first 2 weeks mostly. I guess my symptons are lessening so that's good.. But yet it feels like a high struggle with anxiety randomly coming to my body over mind. I do fear nights from being long to be honest they are hard to endure. If their's anything i've learnt from this experience, it feels like everything will go away eventually, my health, my love, my age, my family, my friends, my degree, my job, my car, my home, my purchases, my country, everything will be taken away from me eventually, there's nothing i can do about it but be what i am right now, live being present and simple. there is no need to seek any further. life's really a cherry pick learn phase with lots of letting go to enjoy the moment. it's optimal that way, or else it doesn't feel so pleasant.
  13. @peanutspathtotruth I thought i was supposed to drop my vibration instead of higher it? Doesn't meditation increase it? For the energy to go away. Is PTSD and kundulini really the same thing anxiety ramped up an over-reactive nervous system? Sometimes i feel like i fell for a trap here.
  14. @pluto To me machine seems like it's part of evolution part of nature, so are pharma chems or psychdelics. Yet I seem to draw a duality between them and can't seem to accept them as a path of walking, i do agree that nature really heals. I walked barefoot on some muddy water, It's been a while and it felt so good i felt so happy inside just from jumping around in the sand so strange. I live in a town so it's not common to go on mud. The only nature i can seem to get access is a beach. Park is way too far away from my home and is crowded. Am i being deluded on how i view duality?
  15. Sufi's do get nonduality, just as mysitcal christians,japanese zen,buddhists and hindus (atman) do I still don't get why don't they leave their cult after it, i guess it's preference cherry pick of why not? As you can see in their poetry, there is some evidence of them getting it, unless if they use it an excuse of art and are not being too serious about it, islam is generally pretty hardcore or rather should i say extremists are. Tear down the mosque, the temple, Destroy whatever you please. but don't kill a human heart for that is where god resides ~ bulleh shah Look into yourself - You have learnt so much, read a thousand books, have you ever read your self? You have gone to mosques and temples, Have you ever visited your soul? You have reached into skies, but you have failed to reach, what's in your heart. ~ bulleh shah Define and narrow me, you starve yourself of yourself Nail me down in a box of cold worlds, that box is your coffin. I do not know who I am. I am in astounding lucid confusion. I am not a christian, I am not a jew, I am not a zoroastrian, And I am not even a muslim. Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen. Not any religion or cultural system. I do not belong to the land, or any known or unknown sea. Nature cannot own or claim me, nor can heaven, Nor can china or bulgaria, I am not from the east or the west, not out of the ocean or up from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not composed of elements at all. I do not exist, am not an entity in this world or the next, did not descend from Adam and Eve or any origin story. My birthplace is placelessness, My sign is to have and give no sign, You say you see my mouth,ears,nose --- they are not mine. I am the life of life I am the cat, this stone, no one. I have thrown duality away like an old dishrag. I see and know all times and worlds, As one, one, always one. So what do i have to do to get you to admit who is speaking? Admit it and change everything! This is your own voice echoing off the walls of God. I belong to the beloved, have seen the two worlds as one, one, Always one. ~Rumi