khalifa

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About khalifa

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  • Birthday 12/22/1990

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    bahrain
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  1. never tripped on these but they seem to have potential pick, skip around see if you find something you like here I personally like articulate silence pt 2, i remember meditating to that album, it felt really nice IMO green would be interesting to trip to
  2. Just remembered something significant that may be the cause of why it's different, Last night I had a dream, A dream where i plugged 5meo again, it was just as real as my first time, I let go as much as i could, It felt like my consciousness was leaving my body but it was grounded by my toes, my toes was pulling me back, it didn't let me leave I was stuck between terror and love, Half infinite expanding and half stuck that's what it felt like. I don't remember much of it but I felt half awakened and half asleep. (never had any afterglow from the dream when i woke up, compared to past night merging, I used to freak out or try to laugh it off but i was scared inside with a panic attack) I also remember nights where i tried to let go everytime i tried my best, it would reach a point till my heart would pound so much in pain that i would just get up from bed giving up sleep and saying "sorry i can't do this right now, maybe another day" trying to speak to my kundulini if it exists in a confused state. I wonder if those vibrations are just anxiety or really kundulini energy. From what it seems I do feel like this energy is alive in my body and it's part of my thoughts half anxiety of being unsure and half awake conscious energy of my thoughts that is reacting to me. You could say it's the current state of mind phase. It feels like i'm finally making a quantum leap on healing the trama but i believe it's going to take awhile since it's always going to be and up and down phase since it's too good to be true that it was an instant heal. As that's the phase of life. I'm aware of some energy leaping around my body, it wasn't there before all this. It used to bother me, now I just accept it as a part of me it just doesn't bother me it's just like feeling some blood pressure. Tbh I have a preference of it to stop gushing around, it's just distracting as i feel worried about it not being normal since it stems fear within me as i have no idea what it's actually doing. (brain damage thoughts come up here causing a restless mind being worried) It feels abnormal I don't feel used to it. But it doesn't seem to be harming me. So i've been trying to accept it lately.
  3. @Moreira i've experienced only the terror horrific trip nothing blissful when i did 5meo, i just couldn't let go when i was on it, i still respect it and do not think i will be taking it anytime soon or ever since it's haunted my core till this very day, my heart still hurts every now and then when i feel or remember what it was like, i accidentally feel like 1% of it when i try to sleep i just end up in this state where i accidentally meditate, ever since (i've never had any heart pain or issues before the 5meo), it doesn't feel good i can't explain it either it just sucks like an opposite of the best possible high a human can experience, it's just that bad that is why this felt significant to have some relief off it in being still, i've never been able to stay still for months since that trip, i used to just distract myself and run away constantly with mundane activities over and over without really relaxing, mind is always worried and still is, it's learned that pattern to fear it i'm slowly getting better though i do feel a big difference compared to my first 2months after it
  4. I've done a a single set of 40 breaths yesterday morning on bed as i woke up, I felt like my body was burning like 5meo symptoms and my mind/consciousness felt like a vortex, It didn't feel good, i tried to endure it and let go but i stopped i didn't want to go deeper to make it any more intense, since i have developed some mild phobia in the dark as i try to sleep, these burning/vortex like 5meo sensations/symptoms they come and go with other symptoms of 5meo over the past few months since, it's like an ambush of soul rape everytime which is what caused me to fear going to bed to sleep since it felt like a chore and trying to be on guard turning on lights trying not to feel it, even with lights on they happen but the chances are less since i fear the dark more than with lights on in my room. Today i gave it ago at 40-50 deep breaths 5 sets, Within my first set of it i felt no 5meo sensation no burning sensations just a slight vortex like shaky/consciousness that was barely noticeable until i focused on it. But every time i was done with a set they felt really good, way better than all my wim hofs they felt like steroids of energy suzing through out my body, i've done wim hof in the past and it was nothing like this, it would usually feel like some energy here and there and i would think it was kinda intense but this was on a whole other level, I felt like i was being massaged/healed i felt so good and at peace, I even cried at the end of how peaceful it as i've never felt at peace at this level while staying still instead of trying to run away and distract myself running away from 5meo symptoms with phobia like thoughts being worried all the time. I still feel like it's too good to be true, i feel like it's like a rollercoaster, i still have some fear in my mind now about how my nights will go not sure, i'm over my phobia of the nights just because of a good session of this, but i plan to give them a regular go in the morning, although they do increase my tinnitus in my past which is why i stopped. And then tinnitus quiets down overtime. my mind still feels worried Slightly confused why it's so different between the 2 days, any ideas why?
  5. nice find jeez my body is vibrating like crazy when she said 'if you can't see it, then i can't explain it to you' not even sure why my body is reacting to that sentence, not sure if placebo or just my PTSD is acting up, it's long past my bed time but i'm afraid of bed as usual
  6. Well this nonsense anxiety is still on going, still agitated, nervous, night of fears continue this battle continues every night, It's been getting better and worse rollercoaster wise. I thought everything was going fine and boom all of a sudden vibrations started to be on going since that morning where My mind/consciousness decided to troll me by merging into that wall, At first the night before it, I remember my consciousness being unstable shaky wise, trying to zoom out of the body but it eventually stood still enough for me to sleep but the moment i woke up, few minutes later on bed, i roll around and bam it just decides to leave and go through the wall and then suddenly become the wall even though it felt like the distance it went through had no location, No idea how to explain it in physical terms. I don't even know what to make out of that experience at first, I just bursted out of laughter because it was just ridiculous trying to laugh myself way into control that i'm sane, yet my heart rate was pacing with fear blood pressure seemed very high could feel it hitting my head. it was still on going till now. Not sure what the cause is could be some caffeine from some cocoa chocolate i've had, that's the only thing I've noticed being different diet wise since it's rare when i do eat some cocoa choco, but even then i'm not even sure if that was really the reason why. I honestly don't even understand what is going on most of the time, I can't really tell what the fear is about, even as I try to see it for what it is, I want to run away mostly and I just seem to come up with it's the previous 5meo hit messing up my chem state making me unstable. Even though it's clearly been 5months i shouldn't be experiencing anything this bad yet mind is so powerful placebo wise in making it seem so real. I seem somewhat stable on days, it's just when i close my eyes i feel bad when i look within me, it's like broken well being, there is no peace within me, I feel like my soul has been raped way too many times over and over with no real peace. My blood pressure seems to be quite high most of the time. Not sure if it's because of the anxiety. I feel better in mornings since i don't have to face the darkness void, but even that distraction doesn't last long since i still have to face these troubled nights at every night. Some nights i manage to drop asleep quick some it takes forever or rather i don't sleep but it feels like I'm half awake all night with paranoia of a soul rape ambush. It feels awful to be that alert trying to defend myself it feels stressful since i'm just trying to sleep. Even though i try to let go. I'm wondering why does it seem so difficulty to awaken or experience enlightenment if this is anything like what it's supposed to be and not some chem imbalances. I'm pretty sure i don't mind believing in nothing and infinity and my self is an illusion concept wise, since i went to trying 5meo believing in that before trying it out, yet practically i feel like it's taking a toll on my body, it's just so automatically stressful that I have no control but to feel shitty all the time if that is what it feels like i'm experiencing, I'm still not convinced this is an awakening process, it feels like it's just some chem imbalance nonsense to be honest. Although i will admit that I did freak out and not let go on my trip and it was just a terror trip that was on going for a very long time, that felt like death as i was trying to just breath and stay alive freaking out. Perhaps that NDE freak out is the reason why my experience is so shitty so far. Doubt i even care about getting a mystical experience or awakening/enlightenment part for now, I just want to be healthy normal and live a simple present life as khalifa being content with mundane life, approaching small things that interest 'it', taking it easy relaxing with an easy flow. I guess it's just my ego trying to stabilize itself as wanting more control even if it's content with it in simple ways like that. I understand this on a base level yet the terror doesn't even change or shift to peace, it's strange it just wants to be there, no matter what the momentum isn't changing, it does feel like maybe it's slowing down, but the phase still seems very strong, It may take up another 8 to 2 years approx for a full recovery at this point. Atleast that's what it feels like. Bless you, Just wanted to share.
  7. I have had mine change after 5meo use, it's less intense now, used to be a very different kind of dark with more intense bigger rgb/spirals, it's been toned down over the months still not as normal as it used to be but i'm pretty sure it too shall pass, doesn't bother me as much what bothers me is the random visions i can see with my eyes closed sometimes, but it isn't clear what i am i seeing, it's like i'm in a different room with poor vision that keeps changing, this doesn't really happen often though just a few times a month
  8. This is possible however in my current experience, I'd rather say it's temp hardware re-adjusting just for being more grounded. Or you could test it yourself if i manage to make a full recovery, I really wouldn't recommend ibogaine it's very taxing on the body, but it does help you appreciate life and the afterglow feels like your health is on steroids. Which is also reported on various other re-creational drugs (atleast the being more present/peaceful part) . But that is in my experience integrating 'being content/present' is quite simple yet ego mind makes it complicated.
  9. @Jordan94 What remedies? All he said was go see doctors about it
  10. a little more detail : Ibogiane trips are 48-72hours depending on dose, I took 5meo after 2 weeks and 2 days after my trip/2 weeks and 5 days after I consumed it. 2 strongest psychedelics in the same month is not a smart idea, I just took it lightly since most shroom/lsd trips are 2 weeks apart thought it wouldn't be as bad as this, but it's another Territory Hope this helps people to avoid it, Yet i don't know if this will apply to everyone as the same, I just hope it isn't as serious, last week has been hell for me, I did have peaceful days before it but it's been a roller coaster of ambushes out of no where I find myself more grounded to think of it as just anxiety instead of kundulini or any spirtual process, it just keeps me more sane for stabilitys sake, As for being spiritual it's been a 50 50 thing, Still not sure what to think of it or rather i can't really pin point anything at it, it's beyond mind sometimes i just think i'm better off believing in mundane life/physicality and ignoring nonphysical states/believes/altered states of consciousness
  11. Just confirmed with the nurse that ibogaine stays up in my system up to three months. Hence why i wasn't supposed to do 5meo dmt since it reacts heavily towards 5meo. As for if it's permanent damage oh boy.. we don't know yet, i'm afraid to scan my brain for it's nervous activity
  12. a good highlight when he asked shrooms questions @Zigzag Idiot thanks for the share i enjoyed the last one
  13. @shahar uriel everything that you mentioned can be improved without their use, in my experience it seems simple to do so yet we over complicate it and aren't content with being present with being (this might sound simple yet it took me a long ass time to actually get it) again it's optional to you it'll all unfold naturally with or without it
  14. @waking_dreams hey bud don't worry too much wee aren't the first ones or the last ones that may walk this phase it's just another experience/phase of life i'm pretty much going through a similar experience like yours, i just try to ground myself by saying "it shall pass" at tough moments , it's just a temporary phase we're going through rest assured you'll be fine but it'll be a rollercoaster most likely, everyone's experience is different there is no one way fit size answer for all of us since we come from different variables of perspectives experiment and see what works for you try a mantra like "it shall pass" or something you are more comfortable with to ground yourself/sanity at tough moments just do the stuff you used to like doing before all this stuff, even if it were unconscious find something you enjoy doing exercise take walks or jog/runs, hang out with people you like, family, relax in a park, maybe go to a beach if you live near by one i find walking on shore/sand feels really nice in grounding myself there, maybe even play video games or watch movies if you can handle it (for me it took me awhile since i was able to since i was just too sensitive to a lot of content that it would disturb me easily) and don't freak out if you get any new symptoms or sensations since they shall pass too as for dealing with possible new arising kundulini symptons for example, last night i've just got a new symptom out of no where, like my heads been vibrating nonstop since last night/heart started clenching in pain from time to time ( this actually has become so common it comes and goes it doesn't bother me as it used to) , but i'm still alive survived the night, so rest assured to yourself in any touch moment you face it'll be over eventually, try to drop worrying too much, since most people obsess about the phase their in that it may last forever when it will not, they make it difficult for themselves to heal up (i ceraintly am making it hard for myself but then again instinct is hard to avoid at times, so surrounding yourself with positive vibes/talks/good people may help dramatically depending on your personality of course ) sometimes i wonder if this is all really true or just some damaged nervous system/placebo beliefs/nonsense making me feel all this strange sensations about my experience good luck brother stay strong, the body/soul will heal itself give it time, take care of yourself
  15. Themes: love and enlightenment/dream “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self. Heart, I said, what a gift it has been to enter this circle of lovers, to see beyond seeing itself, to reach and feel within the breast.” -- Rumi O I know the way you can get I know the way you can get When you have not had a drink of Love: Your face hardens, Your sweet muscles cramp. Children become concerned About a strange look that appears in your eyes Which even begins to worry your own mirror And nose. Squirrels and birds sense your sadness And call an important conference in a tall tree. They decide which secret code to chant To help your mind and soul. Even angels fear that brand of madness That arrays itself against the world And throws sharp stones and spears into The innocent And into one's self. O I know the way you can get If you have not been drinking Love: You might rip apart Every sentence your friends and teachers say, Looking for hidden clauses. You might weigh every word on a scale Like a dead fish. You might pull out a ruler to measure From every angle in your darkness The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once Trusted. I know the way you can get If you have not had a drink from Love's Hands. That is why all the Great Ones speak of The vital need To keep remembering God, So you will come to know and see Him As being so Playful And Wanting, Just Wanting to help. That is why Hafiz says: Bring your cup near me. For all I care about Is quenching your thirst for freedom! All a Sane man can ever care about Is giving Love!” ― Hafiz This is Love “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self. Heart, I said, what a gift it has been to enter this circle of lovers, to see beyond seeing itself, to reach and feel within the breast.” -- Rumi This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief. But there’s a difference with this dream. Everything cruel and unconscious done in the illusion of the present world, all that does not fade away at the death-waking. It stays, and it must be interpreted. rumki dawn dream All the mean laughing, all the quick, sexual wanting, those torn coats of Joseph, they change into powerful wolves that you must face. The retaliation that sometimes comes now, the swift, payback hit, is just a boy’s game to what the other will be. You know about circumcision here. It’s full castration there! And this groggy time we live, this is what it’s like: A man goes to sleep in the town where he has always lived, and he dreams he’s living in another town. In the dream he doesn’t remember the town he’s sleeping in his bed in. He believes the reality of the dream town. The world is that kind of sleep. The dust of many crumbled cities settles over us like a forgetful doze, but we are older than those cities. We began as a mineral. We emerged into plant life and into the animal state, and then into being human, and always we have forgotten our former states, except in early spring when we slightly recall being green again. That’s how a young person turns toward a teacher. That’s how a baby leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret of its desire, yet turning instinctively. Humankind is being led along an evolving course, through this migration of intelligences, and though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream, and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don’t go back to sleep. Remember. The entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.