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About khalifa

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  • Birthday 12/22/1990

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  1. chill dude you got this
  2. @Wildcattt555 not long at all just decided to do it and i did, i've done 4hours+ only twice though i lost interest in it since i felt 15min is more than enough for sanity commitment i didn't frown upon moving from time to time, i just sat at the most relaxed way i could and very slight movement overtime as they were natural i let my body do what it wanted to just observing it
  3. I remember doing some of these 3 years ago when leo mention shinzen young After 4 hours of it, i felt a strange high that lasted for almost a day, Was very happy for no reason, No idea what it was but i just felt everything in my life was perfect for the next 24hours+ then it just faded away. Strange vibrational change occur'd with my baseline mood, I couldn't really understand why, it just felt that way
  4. @Giulio Bevilacqua they feel like super shit gets worse and more painful every time. Feel like the trip is starting again all over again, Body burning into my bed, Instead of into the floor but this time in super slow motion like it'll never stop. which happened so quickly my first time. Although after talking to martin for 2 hours, He suggested i'd read his books, there were techniques of how i could handle them and make it easier on me, And i did to them it did feel better at times, But sometimes it just became way too much to handle, that it would result in a severe panic attack. I'd have to stop, And say something insane like, I'm sorry i cannot love you and let go right now (to keep my self sane), Please leave me alone and stop whatever it is your trying to show me, dear mother, I just can't process it right now. It's not always the same, there were various different effects that i mostly forgotten, but some were like time zooming i would describe it as that, Felt like my body was going back and forth consciousness way too infinity fast it was annoying, Stuck in time for long periods of time. Felt like years that when i'm back to my body i forget that i'm even human takes me awhile to figure out, that i'm this character, and i start crying when i realize what just happened and i'm still in this hell hole. Way more weird side effects that were happening on the months i already forgot most of them, but this was 2 years ago first 4-8months mostly, Later on it was just the burning sensation re-occurring most commonly melting into bed. @Breakingthewall Yeah i can feel it in my body, I've aged rapidly, Feel very stressed. (increased tinnitus which are very unbearable at times makes me feel suicidal. Yet not sure if that's a longterm side effect from nootropic/supplements which was influenced by self actualizing) @ZzzleepingBear Just wanted to experience Infinity since i wanted to find more deeper meaning in life. I wanted to feel the bliss of being one with god, The ones always fascinated me. Before doing 5meo, I used to follow abraham hicks in a mad way where i really thought i was god and i am manifesting creating stuff, Felt super happy with my life compared to now, Was crazy enough to even walk down a road not caring to see right or left if cars would hit me since i've felt invisible. I still wanted more, Was curious to see my self as infinity. Went for it and i got destroyed, Didn't feel like i was god at all, it felt like, i would die right now, and i'd never be alive ever again. Plus the amount of terror I've faced felt so unreal, It felt like infinite terror. Which kept scaring me since i'm not in control and life is just so scary and terrible that I'm so powerless getting my soul/energy raped over and over. While i could do nothing to counter it or make it stop. I felt super fearful at that moment. From a high thinking i'm all that before doing it and i'd just go to a fun trip. To a destroyed PTSD like state lasting for quite awhile. I still feel better these days panic attacks and trips stopped now. Took it almost 2 years to recover. from that. Just vibrations and random worry is bothering me giving me an uneasy mind. Note before abraham hicks, I've been very hardcore at self actualizing. I've listened to all leo's videos over and over cycled between them at least 3 times each video. Since i used to talk 1-2 hour walks daily for years, with earphones It was enough to cover his content more than once. Bought his life purpose course, Bought his self help books. Listened to lots of self help books that were on audio on my walks, Listened to spirituality ones like jed mckenna from what i can remember and whatever was available from them. Would listen to sadhguru/rupert spira/adyashanti/mooji/infinite waters/teal swan/lester levesen/alan watts/ etc etc various spiritual teachers and lots of spiritual content, I'd binge through. I'd meditate for hours. Sometimes minutes. I used to love meditating, Now these days they just feel super scary. But eventually i felt everything was fine the moment i found abrham hicks, which just made my mentality feel way better, never worried, so happy everyday, felt so good about myself and life and my existence finally, Never have been so happy in my life it was quite insane, Thinking i'm so awesome/amazing god created everything around me with such amazing placebo effect, Which made my ego so good about being the ultimate selfish human being out there. I was always fortunate even with my crazy acts so i never doubted i'm not god. But psychedelics were a common discussion on the forum. So reading those posts made me feel like maybe i should check it out for fun and see what I've created. So it was a brutal awakening to feel the highest high of my ego life shattered to the lowest low. Quite a shock. Even ibogaine for 72hours straight wasn't as bad as 5meo. At least on ibogiane i was on a high of appreciating everything on life. Didn't need more of an answer. (I did ibogaine around 2 weeks ago before the 5meo. (Note these 2 were the only psychedelics i took. I know i'm pretty crazy just going for the top 2 crazy psychs out there that i could find. But this is how serious i was about self improvement/infinity and finding more) I've worked so hard during my self actualization that eventually letting go of it was the best thing, I did I let go of improvement, I became so selfish that it just made me happy not caring much about anything or anyone, I'd just love having fun at every moment what could i do to have more fun all the time, And I'd just give myself all the love and priority over everything. It was such an amazing deluded state to be in for me compared to all the people pleasing that I've done in my life with no one appreciating me or all the work i've done. I've had messed up experiences where I was always under credited, people would leech of me my work. And just argue and make things harder for me even though i'm clearly being a doormat, Yet the power abuse wouldn't stop. So finally making all that stop felt so much better. But nope not for all, Here comes 5meo, Hello mr.ego, Think you control everything? Well guess what here's infinite terror. Not so powerful now are you? I'm sorry please leave me alone. make it stop.. Sometimes I wonder if I'm deluded about infinity. (I'd practice a lot of magic like acts, where i try to control reality in the past as well, My techniques were mainly Will/Intent/magicka besides LOA, I feel like LOA is weak sauce compared to them. And yet i can't control shit. I can't bend life/dream to be the way i want it to be. ) This question goes to the whole forum. Please kindly participate, I would like to read all of your answers. When it comes to manifesting what we want, I'm just wondering why do we all have so many limitations where it doesn't seem like life is infinite and rather we're always stuck within physical limitations of this dream? As much as i believe life is a dream it should bend to our wants. Yet it doesn't do that like it does in a dream. I could answer myself saying oh well life is infinite so clearly you are experiencing a more limited version of a physical plane field with very low lee way/priority of it going the way you want it to. What's your answer? I hate mine. I want more power over this shitty dream already. I'm genuinely salty, Life is supposed to be the way you want it to be, and not the other way around. fun is my cherry pick, Yet it seems quite painful with lots of unwanted suffering, That i believe i never signed up for, What is this shit. Give me a break.
  5. It's been over 2 years since i've done my 5meo trip, However i still have these internal vibrations occurring in my body, I'm not sure if it will ever stop, they come and go, They used to be a 24/7 thing. I've noticed fasting causes them to happen more often, Eating heavy meats or so seem to reduce or stop them. Is it possibly a neurological issue that may affect my life later on life? Edit: I still feel uneasy and stressed mostly, I'm always searching of distractions to not feel as bad, There seems to be a missing piece in me ever since the trip. I just cannot explain it, But i feel like i'll never be happy again.
  6. @Leo Gura what stocks are you invested in? curious about your profolio spread
  7. why not, it's just playing russian roulette with your brain after all
  8. @Username I am functioning much better these days, i get to sleep, the nights are much shorter sometimes not always, But the unease feelings/anxiety/worry/vibrations are always there, makes me wonder if it'll ever go away since it's already been over a year. My body doesn't feel normal like it used to be. And when i close my eyes the void seems different that what i used to have. I learnt to cope with it, but i still dislike feeling this way, i'd rather have the baseline well being and peace I once had. Feels like i can't rest properly and just have to constantly grind and distract myself from this feeling, I just can't get a break to relax. Even though it's toned down a notch compared to the first months up to 8months. it still doesn't feel good :c Martin did mention he had a client that had the same feelings i've described up to 5 years years, a smoke fixed it for him. And as for psychonaut's post above, it makes me wonder if i should give it a try, doesn't seem like it may even out that fast. plus we're all different at the same time
  9. @Psychonaut Thank you for sharing your experience, Would you recommend me to smoke lower doses of 5meo instead? And yes mine was pretty cheap too just as you described. Do you still have to let go before blessing out when smoking or is it just instant bliss with that type of quality 5meo? @Aaron p As for 5meo are you sure it varies and it's not in your head which one makes you feel blissed out and the ones that make you terror like? You still have to let go before blissing out or its instant bliss without letting go? @Nahm I've been following abraham for quite awhile, before 5meo i felt lots of well being following her teachings, but these days it's just difficult to make myself feel good since it's not easy to do so without base well being that i used to have. Will keep trying though, thank you for your time. I'll let it go slowly, this too shall pass. @latina25 It varies from day to day, If i focus on it too much it feels shitty, If i'm distracted it doesn't feel as bad. Brain fog can be lots or less on some days too. And yes vibrations are always present, also food and fasting affects it, i've noticed, eating a lot can make it become much less or more it's weird, fasting for longer periods will make me vibrate way more.
  10. @Nahm Perhaps my complaining comes from lack of health and/or satisfaction of life, no benefit to be honest, just wishing for a better state of being or dream, i'd like to try a body with no health issues some day, When i was younger, I used to have that but i didn't really realize it's value, until i've lost parts of it. At least i learned to appreciate better but i still long for what's lost. I know lazy thinking. But then again most young kids wouldn't realize how blessed they are, hey i'm probably still blessed, it can be way worse right.. I still have a somewhat functional body compared to my ibogaine trip where i felt like i was a 90 year old man that could barely move around, and would be instantly exhausted just by moving my hand or leg. It was quite stressful, When i compare myself with that moment, i seem to have all sorts of gold around me especially this body that can still do so much. Although the afterglow appreciation doesn't last as long. I remember being so happy after my ibogaine trip. Complaining is feels different, worrisome is just me not feeling good and feeling like i have no control over my experience and it just plain sucks when i keep overthinking about it, probably amplifying it when i could just let go and be present with what is, i realize this, but it's hard to actually do, it's simple to talk about it though. Perhaps a bad learned habit. I do have days where it is automatic. >What about appreciating life more by forgetting about the baseline? Sure these come by sometimes, they feel way better to be honest, I should do that more often
  11. @Arzack high doses will take the body longer to recover, months to years, i wouldn't recommend it but everyone's different
  12. @Nahm I will always find something to complain about, before all of this it used to be tinnitus, but i still had lots of well being over all compared to after doing 5meo, I will be honest i am improving but it still quite doesn't feel as normal as it used to be, I cling to the baseline health i used to have. Something feels very off, life feels strange now, worrisome, but it does feel like i'll appreciate life even more when i do make it back to that baseline, I do still appreciate life more even now as i've been to depths that i can't explain how awful those first months were. But it's a rollercoaster. @Vittorio I'll have to agree with you. I wanted something new i was bored with mundane life, I wanted to see what's all this hype people are talking about all this 5meo infinity. My ego bought in, Didn't like what it saw, is trying to run away now ironically. I would like to taste some blissful tastes though, It does sound nice on paper, but do i really need it? Don't think so, I mean we'll all taste infinity once we actually physically die. So i guess there is no rush in doing it again.
  13. @Nahm life purpose is half assed, online zoom classes have made things very easy for me for the past 2 semesters, i've missed a lot of classes, but i am able to catch up due to just re-watch recordings whenever i want to, i'm lucky because of the covid-19, i'd probably fail if it weren't, but then again, i do want to leave home back then it felt more grounding to leave and run away from home, since home was very scary back then, my room would always remind me of death, atleast now it's not so bad, but i still have fear of long nights when i look at my bed, i go like oh no not again, last night i've been able to be more calm then usual, i had a re-activation but i was able to process it much better instead of freaking out when it happened, surprisingly it was quite easy, it felt neutral, not good or bad, it did feel good at some point, but my hand hurt and i had to move it, that's when the activation just stopped, it felt much weaker then it used to be atleast, so it was easier to deal with, maybe i'm ready to face another trip, but i'm not sure if i want to now that i think about it, i don't really have a strong life purpose and i'm ok with that as i've been trying to figure that out for quite awhile, right now i'm pretty much neutral, i did find something that suits me though, so it isn't so bad as for hobbies, for days where i sleep terribly, i don't feel like engaging in them since i feel brain dead reaction time wise, like gaming for example or even watching stuff relationships, i'm not doing well, i'm mostly a loner but that's normal i guess @acidgoofy no other experience besides the ibogaine
  14. @Aaron p no blissful sensations, only lots of terror feel like i'm about to die forever and there is no going back, my natural surviving instincts is to breath like crazy and freak out, i think if i were to be more calm and if i let go/trust in that energy state, it would've been differently, thing is i had shit foundation about the breathing and postures on how to handle and let go of it i've just read martin's book, and i understand where i went wrong because what i did was far from optimal, i should've just trusted my body to breath normally without trying to over-excert it to forcefully breath to stay alive for hours, but then again it was my bad, i didn't even take it seriously not even respect what it means to actually die using 5meo, then again i don't think can be any preparation that can get one ready for it, but i think being aware of how ego might try to control the experience and noticing it can help calm it down as a rebirth instead of pure death, then again i'm not sure any assurance can be heard by the ego mind at such a terrifying state of mind when it realizes it is dying temporarily, but it feels like that death is permanent at that moment.
  15. @sidaz10 only my first time, have not tried to again, I'm too fearful that i may lose my mind