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You do spirituality to increase insight. Insight is a bridge between dualities. The deeper and more intrinsic a duality is, the more progress can be made from it. Leo is right. The ego does not get the power of God. By the time you can create whatever you want, you’ll realize the nature of experience and see that preferring anything over what you already have in front of you is pointless. If you are attached to manifesting one million dollars, you still would have to be under the illusion that there is a self who could benefit from one million dollars and believe that that money could somehow create anything other than an impermanent experience of suffering. The ego gets brought to its complete and final destruction through the three characteristics which are always baked into any experience. This is why Buddha called nirodha samapatti (the cessation of perception and feeling) nibbanic bliss. It’s the bliss of no longer existing. The most satisfying experience is no experience at all, and you can’t know that satisfaction until you have direct experience of going from samadhi, the ultimate absorption into the limits of experience, into the passing away of that most unimaginable experience into the impossibility which is the lack of consciousness, lack of existence, lack of God, lack of truth, lack of illusion, etc. If there wasn’t illusion, there’d be nothing at all. This isn’t the nothingness people talk about in spirituality. That nothingness is still a bundle of subtle sensations creating the possibility for experience. We’re talking about something so alien and plain that it could never be uncovered. There would be no distinctions in anything. Distinction and duality are the illusion, but without distinction, there would be no way to point to or even be truth. Nibbanic bliss is like being a Holocaust victim then going to deep sleep and having the relief of being completely detached from the miseries of your previous day except the enlightened person has the experience of ultimate reality and God which they are escaping from. They have reached the maximum temporary satisfaction that could be held in experience yet still want more. The only result is the complete loss of everything. It’s the dissolution of any possibility of self, suffering, and impermanence which is the best gift. Losing everything is the best gift. You can’t reach that dissolution experientially. After tasting that bliss, you realize that anything that could ever be real or formed or experienced is intrinsically tied to suffering. Any self you hold onto long enough to create a goal is guaranteed to create suffering. When fully enlightened, you become the arising and passing of everything simultaneously while also being absolutely certain there is no continuity that could ever accurately be called a self. You recognize that the present moment is itself an illusion. As soon as something can be perceived, it’s already gone. Even to say there is motion, activity, perception, distinction, consciousness, or truth is to imagine that any of these things could be defined in a way that lasts. There’s absolutely nothing to hold on to and no ability to choose whether to hold on or let go. A definition is a self. If whatever goal you want spiritually can still be defined, it isn’t the highest attainment.

Lol anyone who likes DPH is alien to me. It was one of the most physically unpleasant experiences. Not nearly as bad as a psychotic break but it nearly resembles psychosis and even in psychosis the body actually still can feel “well” — on DPH (or any deliriant, I’d imagine) you just feel like absolute death.

Blog: Table of Contents 2021: (pg 1 - 8) January 2021 • The Museum Of Alien Life ? • Hyperbolic Geometry of DMT Experiences • Logarithmic Scales of Pleasure & Pain • 4D Toys • Tripping On Xenon Gas • The Depth Of Russian Corruption • Spying The Devil Fish February 2021 • Epistemic Madness • American Psychosis • Society's Deepest Systemic Problems (note) ? • The War On Sensemaking • Plastics Cause Brain Damage (note) • The Infinite Game — Simon Sinek • A Tier 2 Conversation ? ? March 2021 • Street Epistemology—YT channel • Kambo Self-Application (note) • Epistemic Madness Continues • The Essence of Surrendering Ego • The Insane Benefits Of Fasting • The World's Most Toxic Fish April 2021 • Killer Mike On Oneness May 2021 • The Hollowness Of Materialism • High Status Communication • Sapolsky Explains Depression • How Is Sufism Related To Islam? • Christian Mysticism • Zakaria On Post-Pandemic Politics ? • Got My Covid Vaccine ? June 2021 • Microchip Vaccine Conspiracy Theory Origin ? • Now THIS Is Survival! ? • Understanding War (note) • Bootcamp For Pro-Life Foot Soldiers (note) • Creating Intelligence ? • Libertarian Madman • Got My Covid Vaccine - Part 2 ? • Your Banana Sucks (note) July 2021 • Ketamine Klinic (note) • Building A World Out Of Mushrooms • Ignorance Of Infinity ? • What Is Schizophrenia? • Sapolsky On Chaos & Emergence ? ? • How MAGA Infiltrated The Capitol ? • Covid Vaccines More Effective Than You Think • Interpretive Nonsense ? • Political Asymmetry Proven In One Image ?

Oh sweet jesus... I just saw this story is based on a tweet from "human rights activist and author" Jennifer Zeng, who is actually from The Epoch Times FYI: The Epoch Times is recognized as the leading professional conspiracy and fake news operation in the world. It's run by the far-right apocalyptic cult, Falun Gong. Famous for it's spreading of pro-Trump QAnon conspiracies, Covid-19 and anti-vaccination propaganda, as well as various UFOs alien mind control, and other complete nonsense. The cult was banned in China, is now operating in the US with the stated intention of fomenting anti-Chinese sentiments in order to affect US policy towards China. They believe Donald Trump was "sent by heaven to destroy communism", and they specialize in fearmongering fake news about the Chinese government. So without checking I can't say for sure that this particular story is made up, but it's a safe assumption that it's fake news. @Alfonsoo I worry that you are vulnerable to being mislead if you are fed stories like this.

After falling asleep to actualized.org I had a really vivid dream. I was just in my bed and then appeared to have gained consciousness in a space very alien to me, like another dimension. It was me, two others in the same predicament as me and a pretty eerie looking Leo. I say eerie bc that’s how I’d describe the space I was in and he looked like he belonged there. He was teaching us some of the same things he talks about on his channel but with an eerie twist to it. It’d be too long to go into detail but during the dream I appeared to have gained consciousness back in the real world where there was nobody but myself and a bunch of animals trying to kill me! As I’m running for my life Leo is in my head telling me that I was completely imagining this scenario as a test for myself. I eventually woke up to An Advanced Explanation of God-Realization an hour and 36 minutes in where Leo is telling me that I imagined everything! At that exact moment. It was pretty wicked. I never have nightmares either but this seemed relevant to share. Dreams are interesting.

An idea that caught on with me is that we have to develop a healthy ego before it can be transcended. Maybe I heard Ken Wilber put it that way. The idea is also repeated elsewhere such as the Fourth Way. I just got 2 entries out of 18. Confusion About the Term "Ego" Here we digress to point out a source of confusion about the term “ego.” Readers who know both the spiritual and psychological literatures will find the term freely used in both, but with no general agreement on what the term refers to. This ambiguity often leads to confusion. The literature on spiritual development, on essential or inner development, on all matters of religious concern, generally uses the term “ego” to mean something which is seen as the barrier to spiritual realization. The literature on depth psychology, however, uses the term with a very different meaning. The ego referred to by Freud, and which ego psychology studies, is not the ego which is the barrier to spiritual development. They are two different concepts. The psychoanalytic term “ego” refers, rather, to the functional self, which is the site, organizer, and coordinator of the functions of perception, memory, mobility, and so on. There is, however, a concept in depth psychology and ego psychology that coincides with the ego of spiritual literature: it is called the “ego-identity,” and is sometimes referred to as the sense of self, or the sense of identity. This sense of self or separate identity is the main concern of ego developmental theory. This identity is, in fact, the acme, the most important outcome of ego development. It is ultimately the organizing center of the psychic apparatus. This psychic apparatus includes as one of its units the Freudian ego. In other words, the Freudian ego is part of the mind, is a structure or a structured process in it, while the self is a sense of identity and a center of action. The exact sense in which the ego identity is a barrier to spiritual development will become clear in later chapters. The Void, pg. 9 Object Relations Theory Object relations theory has become the dominant psychoanalytic theory of ego development. Its main insight is that the ego develops, primarily through the integration of early experiences, into organized mental structures. These mental structures, termed ego structures, are systems of memories that have become organized through the processes of assimilation or introjection, identification, integration, synthesis, and so on, into an overall schema patterning the self. The Point of Existence, pg. 54 Taken from https://www.diamondapproach.org/glossary/refinery_phrases/ego Other categories in the glossary Ego Ego Activity Ego Alien/Ego Syntonic Ego Boundaries Ego Death Ego Defense Ego Deficiency Ego Development Ego Functions Ego Ideal Ego Identity Ego Inadequacy Ego Life Ego Line Ego Metabolism Ego Self Ego Structures

This I presume applies to all nationalities and descents in the world and for the majority of people living in all countries currently existing today, when being programmed, instructed to and stuck to act in that identity for the collective constraint. For example I developed a bias to look more favorably to a Yugoslav or common South Slav identity that I feel is also a part of me then the Serbian one because I feel from my POV it fosters more tolerant and healthy relationships with people in the region where I live with whom I share an almost exact same language but I cannot exercise that identity in my environment freely because nobody here believes in it anymore and there is no shared consensus about it. It would be akin as if telling the people here I am an Atlantean from some past glorious kingdom and of course some other people that lived within the territory of that country never viewed or accepted that identity favourbly as it felt they are not the part of the same cultural and ethnic descent as other people who have claimed to form that country on that basis and was therefore seen alien and foreign imposed on them such as the Kosovar Albanians even though there existed an official policy in Yugoslavia where you could choose what nationality you identify with based on your own beliefs, preference, feelings or degrees of patriotism on what you identify with the most, for example Serbian or Yugoslavian. It seems to me here that there are degrees of collective identity to which one is willing to accept.

@RendHeaven They would be ruder than that as those types are not nice people. But it is actually proveable, because you only have to ask them to describe what those objective things ARE. As soon as they suggest any possible thing, it is a perception. If all things that perceive red disappear, where is red? Red cannot be what is really out there because it relies on perception. If all creatures were blind there would be no manifested visual world. Anything that is something relies on perception. So maybe an alien can't see, it can only hear, and navigates the "physical world" by sound. It would be wrong for it to presume that light is NOT a perception just because from ITS finite mind it cannot detect it. But I can. And to my finite mind it is a perception. See we use the perceptions of other things to find things that our finite mind does not itself perceive, and conclude falsely, that the thing is not a perception. See like, we might try to do such a thing with radiowaves or infrared or electricity, and say they are not perceptions because we do not perceive them. But we only know them through sensors which do, and which convert it into something a human mind can see feel touch hear... Like if I were used by the aliens to detect light. Maybe I make a sound whenever I see light, I'm converting perception into one that they can interact with. You know, assume I am wrong as best as you can, and TRY to describe what is objectively out there beyond perception. Try your absolute best to say what is objectively out there that is independent. Information represents things like numbers do, you need to describe what the "things" objectively are.

This religion takes influences from many many different sources like Celtic, Nordic and Druidic Religions Greek Roman Pagan religions Religions from Minoan Civilizations Santeria and Santisima Muerte Hinduism Buddhism Abrahamic Religions of Judaism Christianity and Islam African religions Mithraism Ancient Egyptian religions Olmec, Incan, Aztec Mayan Religions Canaanites Religion Swan religion (self discovered) Wicca Patumba Religion (self discovered) Mythological Alien Content Chinese, Korean, Japanese and other Asian religions Other Tribal and Ancient Religions and Sects around the world. . .

Factorio is a survival/management game developed by Czech studio Wube Software. The premise of the game is that the player is stranded on an alien world that thier spaceship crash lands on, with the eventual goal of the game being to construct a spaceship to escape the planet. The gameplay loop involves resource extraction through ever an expanding process of automization, as the player builds up Industry and develops supply chains to turn raw materials in to refined products for use in technology. Part of the reason that this game is so damned interesting is that the player is consistently faced head on with the negative and destructive consequences of this process, yet proceeds nonetheless because thier Survival Needs are inextricably linked to a process of endless expansion; "The Factory must grow". Not only is the player incentivized to view literally everything on the planet as a resource to be exploited, but this process also leads the player to re-enact colonial exploitation in the process. For not only are you strip mining an entire planet, but you're doing so on an inhabited world whose denizens (a Starship Trooper-esque race of insectoids) are being harmed by your Industrial pollution. So when they begin attacking your factories, it's only natural that the player perceives this as an aggressive attack, rather than as a response to thier own aggression. Importantly, the player doesn't set out to re-enact Imperialism; from thier point of view they've merely been optimizing supply chains and working out the logistics of resource extraction. It"s honestly a great demonstration of the Banality of Evil. Factorio is a fascinating game, and a good example of how gamifying something can be illuminating.

There may be a broader issue around why some people are so passionate about believing in paranoid conspiracy theories to do with global elites, evil govts, alien reptiles etc. It could be serving a psychological inferiority complex about why we are so exploited and downtrodden by the rich. Or maybe passing the buck of responsibility for why the world is in such a mess onto some invisible elite.

Why all major religions like chritianity , hinduism , Shinto, Greek Mythology etc thinks god looks like human and must be worshipped using idols. Why they form cult and spread the delusion of some sky being with their stories in their scriptures how they are involved in all sort of questionable things. what about aliens? why dont they make god look like alien. They all act like they figured out the ultimate mystery of god. Why they want to limit God which is infinite, formless, omniscient, omnipotent and all knowing to a supernatural being who have hands and legs. What about trillions of other extraterristial alien civilizations spread across different universes whose shape is completely unimaginable by humans. Are they not god? Why humans have tendency to make hundreds of gods to worship using images and idols . For me god is everything. God is even animals and birds. why the religion like greek , hinduism , shinto etc etc advacate the belief to worship god in human form?

@Lucas-fgm I'm from Uranus, west side. We got a civil war with East, these alien battles are brutal.

You should listen to some Terence McKenna, talking about his (psychedelic) experiences with The Mushroom. He seemed pretty convinced it was something on the order of an alien intelligence.

"I dont remember" is a thought. You see: this (enlightenment, truth) is SO hilariously obvious that your mind constantly will reject it. It's like you've been looking for hay in a haystack your whole life, and a dude comes over to you and says 'hey, the hay you're looking for, you got it bro, it's right here' ... Of course you will reject it/him, because if you admitted it to yourself that you've been swimming in hay your whole life while looking for hay, well, that would be extremely, out-of-this-world embarrassing, right? So your mind comes up with all kind of excuses and all kind of imaginary problems. "oh this is not hay, I'm looking for real hay" ... "Oh, well i forgot what i was looking for but it surely can't be hay then!" .. etc. Or - you could say it's like looking for your dear pair of glasses your whole life, never finding them, because you forgot you had them on. "I don't remember. I only remember this life." I asked you a very very simple question (have you ever experienced unconsciousness/deep sleep?), and your mind didn't like the simplicity of it, so it conjured up some imaginary issues: "I don't remember, I only remember this life"... Well, dude, your whole life is nothing other than memories. So there is that. Let's say we erased all of your memories, even your ability to form both short- and long-term memories, what would then 'be' ??? Pure being, pure consciousness, not even able to ask questions, not even able to reflect, to regret, to worry. Just 'pure being' without the illusory sense of time (past and future). Now, it IS possible to sober 'grasp' 'pure being' (truth, reality) while still retaining the ability to form memories. This requires complete surrender though, an extreme almost non/super-human 'ability' to 'disidentify' & completely and absolutely 'let go' every day, every hour, every minute, every second. ... And if you can do that, you're infinite, liberated, at peace, calm, in the now, fully present, detached but 'immersed in consciousness itself' *without* clinging, tension, contraction, ego, worry... ... The point is, javfly, that your life IS memories: i.e. a story your unconscious mind conjures up for you (conscious self) every day you wake up from bed. It doesn't matter if it is a true or false story, that is completely irrelevant; the point is that 'you' (as a self) & 'time' & 'opposites' (i.e. good, bad, self, other, life death) ONLY (seem to) exist BECAUSE you are so hilariously ATTACHED (identified) with 'your memories'. So let me ask you again: have YOU (the innermost experience of being YOU) EVER 'experienced' "unconsciousness/deep sleep" , -- yes or no ?? Or let me ask you in another way: If you *did* remember the experience of 'unconsciousness/deep sleep' would that experience then not be a *conscious* experience ?? If you *did* clearly remember the experience of 'earlier lives' would those experiences then not be a *conscious* experience AND a part of what you now -- selfishly, ignorantly -- 'define' as 'my life' ?? ?????❤️??️?????? What is 'material reality' ?? Like for fucking real, what the fuck (:D) do you mean when you say 'material reality' ?? We have to be really really nitty gritty and careful here. Isn't 'material reality' just a concept appearing NOW *as* 'conscious experience' ?? I mean, if you were to show me this 'material reality' of yours, what would you do? Take me into the Himalayas to show me the mountains? Fly me into space to show me the ?, the Solar System? Or perhaps drive me down town to New York's scientific museum to show me pictures of atoms and mathematical graphs of electrons' orbitals? Wouldn't all of these examples be '*conscious(ness)* experiences' ?? Or let's say your "monkey-survival-brain-conceptual-addicted-to-thinking-limited-mind" (the same "I got") 'takes up the challenge' and replies with a conceptual answer like: "oh, duh hippie, with 'material reality' I just mean fucking *reality*: this 'physical world' you & I are (seem to be) 'stuck in', are experiencing daily, you know, *matter*: other human bodies, sunlight, trees, buildings, cells, brains, molecules, physical laws, atoms, quarks, electrons, positions, matter(!) " ... - well, then 'that' is what 'you believe' reality to be: a concept..., and while you were writing it, were you conscious?, - while I was reading it, was I conscious? ... ????????????? Maybe you believe/identify to much in/with 'thoughts' ... maybe... ???️??☀️ All I see here is just more concepts, more guesses, more thinking, more beliefs, more identifying, more worrying, more attachment, more clinging, more seeking, more thoughts, more identifying, more dissatisfaction, more language-games. However, if you like playing these games, be my guest and play on ? . I think I said what I wanted to say to you. ? Now I gotta go pick up my imaginary body/dream-character (Thomas, a wave in The Ocean ?), which is then (if all goes according to my selfish plan) going to pick up Thomas' imaginary bike at the mechanic, drive it to the imaginary barber, then I'll get a nice, neat, sexy haircut for my dream-character, then go watch the imaginary football country, Denmark, beat the devil out of England at my conceptual best friend's café, then go dance as a psychopath to a lot of loud electronic music outside in Copenhagen inner city on 15 mg 2C-B, then hopefully kiss a lot of imaginary young women, laugh a ton, drink a few beers, smoke some imaginary harmful cigarettes/joints, and then perhaps go to bed early next morning, ... - and then the Sun will, hopefully, rise again tomorrow (we never know, some imaginary advanced alien civilization may fuck us imaginary humans over by extinguishing our imaginary Sun while we sleep) - in short: another day comes. Cheers. tldr; Have you ever experienced unconsciousness? Have you ever experienced anything other than consciousness/experience? Stupid/intelligent questions with obvious answers. ????

Leaving my house a few more times, visiting different places, socialising a bit, I realise how ignorant and limited I still am. The connotations of that isn't the way to put it, and in fact it would be an error. I have a hidden or implicit belief that I am still a child who doesn't have a valid or worthwhile perspective on things, and so that is not what I mean at all by ignorance. ^^This is the key error you've made before. My ignorance comes in how I relate to the world, what fears and beliefs have shaped me and define me. I have a problem interfacing with the world, {especially in regard to "normies"} . And I've just buried that problem and ignored it by shutting myself in. I shan't shut myself in, but neither am I to fall into my old patterns. That is the supposed or apparent double bind of mine. Perhaps the purpose of being a borderline shut in for so many months was for me to have a break, and then be presented the option to choose differently when the situation arises again. Who knows, that's all just narrative. _ _ Get clarity on this. The strangest and silliest of things bind your identity, neurotic self-consciousness and behaviour with others. Take hold of this and realise this, see it. This might seemingly go deep in life story, at least as far as the narratives and images that come up. Another thread to realise is how you struggle to interact with a world which seems so alien.... Look out for differentiable threads that get tangled and mixed up together. _ _ _ Part of me still wishes I had it in me to commit suicide. It seems the only reason I could do that is to deny or escape reality. I would leave a note saying "Sorry I did this, I just couldn't accept or acknowledge reality". I'd rather live in the world of fantasy, anime and music. But what's a niggger to do, I'm here in reality aren't I... Feeling some dimensions of emotion today. In a good way. My life is a joke, can someone just pull the plug already. My arms are crossed and I'm pouting like an angry toddler. Having the impression that I was wearing clown makeup the entire time makes me angry. Mhhhhhhhhh I'm so fucking angry. Alright I'm angry. Now what. NOW WHAT. ANYONE. SOMEONE. KILL ME [Had to hide a post because it wasn't me who wrote it and I didn't get much value from it just pasting and looking at it here. Sleepy af, thinking that rereading that post mattered, thinking that altering and edited it mattered for future reflections. I'm a massive fraud and liar. No that's not it exactly. I was trapped in fantasy land, where I wanted to pretend I have certain qualities of intelligence or sacred powers that I don't have. Or I thought that by ruminating over and (trying to, as well as, ) plagiarising brilliance/genius I would get closer to that point ]** But boy oh boy is it a narrative that the cost will be paid. Or maybe realistic cause and effect. Who knows. Does the criticism "your rhetoric detectors are too overtuned" land or resonate? Not really. Actually, maybe kinda someone could say. I'm fast to dismiss things? **Remember this point if you ever get into writing or reading properly. You can't copy and regurgitate. Even emulation should be done with caution.

@Emerald hahahah, that made me laugh. God bless your heart. I know but I'm learning. It is amazing how sturdy they hold onto their paradigm. This is why I never talk about out of female paradigm stuff to females. It is just alien language to them. They really have to grow some cock and balls (and try to pickup women) and try to be a guy for couple of weeks to understand us. So I really don't blame them.

(My short story, painting by Patrick Jeremy McCollum) That Time We Drove Through New Mexico It took me an hour to realize we were completely lost, and it took Rick another to admit it. In our defense, driving through New Mexico was like one orange mesa after the next, and the tumbleweeds catapulting toward our pristine rental were rather distracting (to Rick at least, I was busy keeping score. It was worth ten points when one exploded in the grill, sending him into an acute tizzy.) Men are strange, I found, driving through a barren dessert with one. God… he was practically a stranger… but you know, young love… Finally, we pulled into a gas station on the left, leaving behind a cloud of red dust in Rick's furious and abrupt parking (he then panicked because he didn't realize it would do that.) We had lost signal a few miles past Roswell, and just prayed they might have internet here. At least then we could get our bearings, and Rick could obsessively detail the car after fueling up. It was half past noon, and blaring hot; and the huge white arrow out front promised ice cream and hot dogs. The store seemed smaller than it looked on the outside, but every nook and cranny crammed to the top with souvenirs, camping equipment and basic supplies. Rick argued with the attendant about the lack of WiFi, as I sauntered off towards the ice cream bar, a bit mortified to hear the older gentleman attendant ask, "You do have a map in your car, right?" Rick got very quiet and suddenly joined me for ice cream with a large state map tucked under an arm. "Have you seen this thing?" he asked, throwing it down on a small table to claim a spot (despite the empty store.) "I'm gonna need Google just to decipher it." I got two scoops of mint chocolate chip; Rick, a chili dog. He crinkled his nose in disgust before attempting a bite, and complained about the price of a soda. Rolling my eyes had become a regular thing since we started this trip, and I wasn't quite sure how I felt about that. Rick was a good guy, definitely. But he nitpicked every little thing, and I swore if he said one more negative quip I would march straight out and kick the car. Then he did something cute, and I laughed and forgot what I was thinking about. We unfolded the map and after a few minutes failing to find our position on it, I volunteered to walk up to the attendant and ask him to mark the spot. The man's peppery moustache flopped with an obvious chuckle, but he was nice and drew a red circle around the gas station's icon; then Rick and I scoured the map for clues about where we turned wrong. With a fairly decent idea of where to go, we thanked the attendant and walked out to the car. Pink clouds rolled over the distant hills and the horizon looked like melted butter, reminding me that I never actually ate anything. Was the sun setting already? How long were we here? I tried to piece together all we had done since stopping in, but Rick began grumbling loudly about some scratches on the driver's tire rim-- until I walked over and rubbed it off with a bit of spit and elbow grease. He apologized and reminded me how stressed out he was, and of course I understood since we've now apparently lost half a day to a gas station. We agreed to just get on the road and to our next motel peacefully and as soon as possible. And then it happened, a sudden and bright flash of light-- brighter than the molten sun dropping to its Earthly grave. We were both halfway into the car and then drawn back out slowly, in pure awe (or terror, if there's a difference.) I'm telling you, the sky split right open. Like a lightning bolt tore straight through it and ripped it apart. -- "Are you sure?" -- "Well, no, that does sound a bit extreme, doesn't it?" I chuckle. "No, what we saw was a flying saucer. Yeah, it was metallic and so shiny it was almost invisible, but we could see it clear as day. It zipped up and down, and then out towards the nearest mesa. Hope it didn’t get lost." I chuckle again. -- "And then you spend the rest of your life searching for answers..." -- "Yes, That's right. I married Rick, go figure, and he raised two wonderful children while I pursued a doctorate in Biology. He was my rock." I feel like smiling, and I do, I think. My eyes are closed and I can't really feel my face. -- "And then you went on to become an astronaut, and a leading pioneer to the first Mars colony." -- "Yes, that's right. After what we saw, I never gave up the search for the beyond. Poor Rick never got to see me land on the red planet. He passed before I even accepted the mission." I am suddenly overwhelmed, as if a lifetime of love for a man is converging into this very moment, and only now can I truly mourn his loss. Plus, it turned out his retentive ways rubbed off on me, and AmazoNASA absolutely requires attention to detail. Now I feel like smiling again. Why can't I feel my face? -- "It's clear you are stirring awake, Julie. Go ahead and open your eyes." I do, and see that I am laying down on a white table. I wince in the flood of lights above me; but as my eyes adjust, the lights appear to be patterned like an intricate mandala. You know, like in one of those adult coloring books. "Where am I?" I ask, groggy and confused. I can only move my eyes, and whoever else is speaking is just out of sight. "You are here," they reply. Come to think of it, the voice sounds a lot like Rick's. "That’s all you must know for now. So please, let's continue. Tell me about when you got to Mars." "Well, it went better than expected, really. With the invention of nano-shielding, we were able to build quickly and safely. I had a hand in the bio-farms, studying microbes, and--- No! I'm not saying anymore until you tell me where I am and why I'm here!" "Oh, you silly, wonderful human. You've answered yourself in your very question. You are Here, of course. And as for the why… I feel a touch on my hand-- a soft caress across my thumb, just like Rick would. Suddenly the paralysis lifts and I sit up to face him. He looks young, like when we drove through New Mexico so long ago. Instantly, I know that "you're not him." "No, I'm not," he replies, smiling. "How very perceptive you are. I speak on behalf of a collective known as the Buh'ni. You, Julie, have been collected for replication." "Replication?" I echo with a gasp, unable to shake the idea that I'd been abducted by some alien race of humanoid bunnies for 'replication.' And you know what they say about rabbits… Not-Rick begins to adopt some rather bunny-like appearances. Once he notices the long floppy ears, he chuckles and caresses my hand under his fluffy chin. "No, I said the Buh'ni collective." He laughs merrily. "Though what you see here is due to a perception overlay, it's impossible for you to see me as I truly am." "And what do you want with me?" I ask, fully aware that I am either dreaming, accidentally tripping balls, or that I must have died in my sleep. "I daresay it’s the latter," bunny-Rick replied, "oh, sorry. You didn’t say that part out loud, did you?" Another gasp-- "So I'm dead?" "Oh yes, very much so. But rejoice! As I've said, you've been collected for replication. The collective is always on the hunt for unique leaders. We travel the spheres searching for people like you." "So, you're going to what, copy me? Upload me into some mechanical replica to live again?" I'm not exactly resistant to the idea of a new life…but I've seen all the movies, I know how this stuff goes. "Something like that," the man (or whatever) replies with a smile. He now is beginning to look like my father (or my brother, it's hard to tell.) "Our species knows the value of strong leadership, and we are open to all methods of retrieval. And when we don't find one, we farm them." "Farm them?" I ask, looking around for any exits, just in case. It looks like your typical alien exam room, give or take a few probes and ray guns. There's a door over on my left, then a corridor leading away to the right and out of sight. But it's hard to trust anything I see. I mean, if this strange shapeshifting entity over here is just a visual overlay, how much of this room is an overlay as well? "Ah, no need to worry about that now," the entity replies with a firm wave of the hand. "Anyway, your physical body is expiring, along with its use. But in a way, you will be reborn and live forever as an honored citizen of my people. Now rejoice and be merry, for your resurrection is at hand!" I suddenly feel quite drowsy and lay back down. I can't go for the exit even if I want… the paralysis is returning, and it is getting hard to think clearly. "I don’t want to go back to sleep," I say, though this body seems to act otherwise. "I am so very sorry, Julie. But you must. Replication is a very long and intricate process, and we've merely begun. When you dream, know that you are being processed. And if you happen to wake up again, I'll tell you anything you'd like to know. Now before we part, do you have one last question?" It's even harder to think-- but as I drifted, the question came to me all on its own: "Yeah, I do. That time we drove through New Mexico. Is that really a memory, or just a dream?" "Yes. Now back to sleep, my child. And this time, I'll let you pick." ********************************** I awoke with a loud snort. It was near two a.m. according to the dashboard clock, and we pulled into the motel, relieved and exhausted. Rick thought the grubby fingerprints on the office door was a gloomy sign of the potential state of our room. God, please let this trip be over soon.

from an absolute point of view there are no chairs, no alien only undifferentiated unity without size or shape. somehow reality imagines itself and creates the appearance of a chair, and the appearance of us. we and the chair are no different. It seems to us that we perceive the chair, but it is more like the undifferentiated unit is structured in mental images that apparently interact, being more profoundly the same, without separation. so there is neither us nor chair, or from another point of view, there are both, and they do not depend on each other. If there were a universe of rocks without life, it would be like the mind of reality, or God would have imagined it, it does not need another image imagined by the same mind to perceive it, it is a whole unit that imagines itself

Hm now if a human and that alien were there, would it not be the case (assuming the chair is solid) that if the alien tried to walk through it, he would crash and fall over seemingly nothing, if he could not perceive the chair?

Maybe the alien only perceives radiation and for him there is no chair, with which it could be said that there really is no chair, there is only a chair if you perceive it, if not, there is the possibility of a chair, but that possibility is the same that the chair ... Itsnt it?

So take the chair or rock dimension, it would be possible for a space alien, say, to perceive the rock's physical appearance from afar as the taste of sugar or as a sound for example (whatever the hell that would be like). So what does the chair actually exist as when not perceived? Is it the taste of sugar? Is it a sound? Is it a shape of a chair? Or do unobserved objects like in the chair dimension exist as infinity, or just nothing? In our rock universe, at some point perception happened, and now we can track back through time to a state in the universe where the things we call rocks were moving around etc. but nothing was localized in the universe to perceive them and so what exactly were they at that point?

Not suicidal. Appreciate the pun, though. This journal will be dedicated towards deconstructing society and all of its illusions, one by one, like the pieces of a giant puzzle. Some posts might not make total sense at first or any sense at all, and some might miss crucial additions, but overall I will try to convey what I mean in the simplest and most direct ways possible, and I will try to remain as transparent and objective as possible. This is a high-consciousness journal that only a few select humans will be able to read and understand, and well not necessarily because I’m some sort of an alien genius that will write in some cryptic language that it will be hard for the reader to understand, but essentially because of how radical and shocking a lot of the information that I’m gonna put out there will be to most people (I suppose even to those who like to call themselves highly conscious). If some of my posts sound offensive, it’s because they are. I think it’s important to note here that I don’t like humans. No, sir. Not at all. And I have very good reasons for that. This is just to highlight the fact that I have an antisocial bias, and that I am fully aware of it. Therefore, anything written here will be in that light. But I'm not going to be talking about that in detail here, maybe somewhere else, or maybe certain topics will force me to talk about it briefly. I'll leave it as that for now. I don’t have any particular expectations for the topics that I’m gonna cover or how frequently I'm going to be posting or anything like that. As always, the insights will come to me naturally, and I will be expressing them effortlessly. I hope that after a period of time it will become like a book with a variety of different topics. And because I intend it to be like a book, I will try to be systemic as much as I can. And of course, this will be a work-in-progress kind of project that I’m gonna grow past quickly as I keep going deeper with my understanding, mainly through observation and deconstruction. Most of my writings will be based on my experience, and not much on philosophy or theory. Research is like my final card. I don't generally research things before contemplation. For me, the right approach to high-quality understanding is: contemplate first, and then complement your insights with a little bit of research. If I inquire and find my understanding lacking certain pieces of information, I look them up. This way, I can make sure that my insights are totally genuine. And more importantly, I can make sure that I'm not being biased towards or brainwashed by outside agencies. This should make the journal a pure expression of my wisdom, thus making me a truly free thinker. If I end up writing high quality content that is simultaneously deep and easily communicable, I might start thinking of actually turning it into a book and profit off of it. ________________ Next topic: Introduction/Fundamental Concepts & Definitions

Also, consider that when these people say there is no evidence that these UAPs are alien spacecraft, that basically the standard of evidence for that is most likely much higher than what any of you would consider evidence. So, even if you saw basically what any normal human being would immediately claim to be an alien spacecraft, these guys would ask you: "Okay, but do we have evidence that the spacecrafts came from another solar system? As long as we do not, we have no evidence that these are alien spacecraft." So, you would probably have to record a UAP to come from deep space, enter earths atmosphere and basically zip around infront of some military installation. And even then, technically their standards can even be higher, because who knows if a human spacecraft didn't leave the solar system and then came back? Maybe the chinese did it, so we can't say it's evidence for aliens! This is why these reports are so useless, we would have to see how they came to even conclude the things they conclude, and what all of their standards are specifcally. Might even be that they have no standards, after all there are no such thing as experts or authorities on this, so who is to even determine what kinds of standards are useful here?

I've experienced life forms in a alternate universes and existences that are impossible in this universe while my physical body in this universe sleeps. I'd like to become a gay alien if I could tbh. Like the gayest alien in all our finite universe. That would be my dream come true. I want to become infinite gayness.