Gesundheit2

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  1. I didn't really work through it in the strict meaning of the word. It's probably more accurate to say that it's working through me and I'm allowing it. Almost all of my life, it's always been things/events working through me/happening to me. I can hardly remember a time where I really desired something and went after it for the sake of it. Unlike most people, everything I do is out of necessity, not luxury. I don't seem to have the conventional built-in desire to live the human life or to be a person. I am weird and an alien in that sense, and that's not necessarily a bad thing. Though, it has its drawbacks when dealing with humans, cuz we are often on different frequencies, and that can make me struggle to relate to them. I've gotten a lot better over the years, but I still don't find the human life as interesting as advertised. That's not to say I don't like socializing or being with other humans, it's just that I don't agree with the vision that humanity has as a collective, as I view all the games they play as fruitless, distracting, and even harmful. So it's not that I was/am emotionally disconnected from myself as much as I was/am disconnected from the human dream. I don't know if it's different for you, but that's as best as I could describe it from my most authentic self's pov. I really don't relate to most of the human nonsense, most of the times I just force myself to. If it wasn't for my sexual drive and the need to survive, I would probably have killed myself long ago. It hurts just thinking about it. Me too. I just want to know what God ultimately wants with me.
  2. Basically, high IQ and low EQ. I think that most people here are bad at picking subtle clues and reading emotional states cuz they themselves are often disconnected from their emotions. These things are often implicit since they are not always expressed explicitly (since online, person = just text), so people tend to assume their own state and then project it onto others. If you don't say I'm feeling sad, nobody will know or understand how you're feeling or where you're coming from. Almost nobody is curious why you're saying what you're saying, you're just being taken on face value. On the flip side, when someone who isn't sad says they're feeling sad, they are just believed automatically without a second thought, because well most people want to be good to others, they just suck at applying that correctly and/or can be misguided by false emergencies. Hell is paved with good intentions. People here have the tendency to take everything literally, without much room for creativity or interpretation. And this can be problematic on a few levels. Sometimes, you might be ungrounded and not really knowing how you're feeling, so the thing that can help you the most is connecting you to your feminine core, but since the majority here don't really have this skill, it often ends up poorly for people who are in need. As well, this opens up the possibility for abuse for people who don't really need the help and attention, but just crave it infinitely, so they create a noise, which ends up backfiring on those who truly need help. It's like when a baby is crying cuz it's hungry, then some adult comes and starts making up false emergencies just because they're jealous of the nurturing and attention the baby is getting. Absolutely! Not much has changed externally in the past few months, except for the cat. I'm kind of on pause on everything until I get my finances right, so all my focus and energy are spent there. Well, that, and on digging deeper into myself and reality in order to gain more clarity and healing before returning back to the game. Most of the changes that I'm experiencing currently are internal, like the alchemy process you journal about. I'm purifying myself more and more until I'm fully transparent or golden, both are great! This has been an on-going process for me for a few years now. And it is certainly worth the while!
  3. @Loba It must have been tough getting bitten by the people you thought could help. I remember reading scattered pieces of the story about that YouTube trauma expert. It goes without saying that you can & should feel free to unload anything here if you wish at anytime, I don't have a problem with that. And if you think it's better to just let it go and/or you don't feel 100% comfortable talking about it, that's fine too. I like how people like you and me who constantly take responsibility, admit their otherwise understandable mistakes, and try to overcome their shortcomings can be portrayed to be the problem while the real problem gets all the support and encouraging to stay as they are. It's just a wonder. But it's probably why we are moving forward while they keep being stuck. It's like some people want to fart freely without any consequences, and just because we point it out cuz don't like the smell, it makes us so unusually entitled. They will turn the tables on us and say that who detected it ejected it, when in fact it's who denied it supplied it. And then the flying monkeys will go even further and tell us to wear even more perfume 😁 Alright, I'll just move to another planet, that's the only solution 😂 And I'll use their farts as a fuel 🤣 I also find that most people here don't really listen. When you say something, it mostly goes over their heads somehow no matter how clear you try to make it to them. Most of the interactions here are a projection mirroring another projection without anything real underneath it. Most of the words just go straight through their eyes and outside their heads without passing through the brain. I used to be like that, and still am to some degree, but the more I'm opening up, the better I'm getting at this. I suspect that's a result of the unearned luxury and spoiled lives that most of these kiddos have. I only started connecting to reality after suffering deeply. But that's just my speculation. I have another explanation that has to do with the suppression of the feminine. Don't worry, I'm certainly not people-pleasing you here. I just relate so much because apparently dealing with this had its toll on me, too. It can make you go nuts to feel alone in this perception. It certainly made me feel crazy at times, to not have anyone to confirm my observations. It ungrounded me and threw me into a pit of self-hatred. So I understand the pain, and it is my intention to help. I'm glad you have found some relief in our interactions. I'm not sure I have always been as effective, but the intent has always been there and I'm getting better, hopefully. ABSOLUTELY!!!!!! So accurate!!!! 💣💣💣 That's some real progress there. And the best is yet to come I am so proud of you, and of myself 😎
  4. Of course, if you want to follow this logic you made up. But consider this possibility: Life does not care about your logic.
  5. @Someone here Why do you insist on the label "truth"? Life is life, why can't you leave it at just that? I think it's absurd to romanticize an abstract concept. Since truth is an abstract concept, it must then only exist as a finite form as opposed to another finite form which we call a lie. It seems some people just like to go overboard with "truth" and then try make it out to be some noble and universal/absolute thing.
  6. @Someone here @Godishere The word truth itself is "the problem". It carries a certain positive/assertive ontological meaning with it that otherwise does not exist. Then humans learned to add adjectives such as "absolute" and "relative" on top of that original confusion. It's just interesting. People seeking their own imaginations. Cats chasing their own tails.
  7. "Truth" is an illusion. There's not an entity called "Truth" out there somewhere. It's something that people imagine and project onto the world.
  8. @Loba I relate so much with your latest entry. How do you write with so much accuracy?! I want to have this skill! Like, most of the times, my intuition is on point, and I see most of this stuff that you described. But when I try to convert that intuition into words in order to point it out to others, suddenly my mind goes full Zen-mode haha. No words to describe what's happening, which ironically results in shooting myself in the other foot. I've been in that position a lot, especially here on this forum, actually mostly here and only with certain individuals. They keep repeating the same pattern with everyone, not just me. It seems that certain people have this pattern that is generally hard to deal with, and what makes it even harder is the social pressure that comes from the flying monkeys (especially when they're in power) that are completely disconnected from reality, for whatever reasons. Most people in real life get along just fine without much drama. It's just this specific type of people that is really problematic, and luckily they're really rare. Well, maybe not as rare as the word "really" might infer, but certainly rare (though maybe it's more common among women). The reason for that, I think, is that real life is a lot more complex than just an online platform where the real abusers get all the leeway and benefit of the doubt but none of the responsibility. In real life, you are a person with a story, an image, a pride, a tribe, a status, etc. Whereas online, you are mostly just a block of text, which is very easy to attack. Clearly, the internet has enabled and empowered a lot of vampires that are otherwise in real life mostly wimps and docile housecats (but not in a positive way, i.e. they're mostly suppressed by the undeniable truth that most people can see, collective justice if you will). I have thought about this many times before, and every time I arrive at the same answer as you, that I tend to keep forgetting. Just ignore those people, they are the problem, period. Let them dry out and their drama will eventually die out. As long as they don't get their kick from you, they will get bored and then leave you alone. Honestly, I would not put so much pressure on myself and try to take even more responsibility with them. I take all the responsibility in the world, but without them. I value truth, and don't want to lose my integrity in order to show some devil something that they already know but want to disturb just for the sake of disturbance. It's always a losing dynamic with those people. Either, win for them, lose for me. Or lose for both. When it comes to them, I haven't won, not even once. I haven't won with them, nor against them. It's never been anything else other than a complete waste of time, every time. And the focus and energy that they suck out of you, I just learned to value myself deeper than to waste my resources so carelessly on such fruitless entities. Taking responsibility started taking another shape for me. Instead of looking at the situation and trying to learn something, I learned to skip, as there's rarely anything there to learn. At least, that's what I would want to do, ideally. The reason for that, I think, is that often these people don't reflect a reality, but rather a delusion. It's quite tragic that they can even gaslight you into thinking that you're somehow the problem and that you need to take even more responsibility in order just to feel normal and fit in. I certainly have fallen into this trap. I thought I was the problem, and I tried to learn something, take responsibility, and even surrender my will to theirs. It just never panned out positively. The lessons that I forced myself to learn decreased my authenticity and turned out to be delusional even. Taking responsibility took from my sense of self and in turn decreased my self-esteem (or perpetuated/furthered my already low self-esteem). And surrendering my will made them feel correct. For them, it was the ultimate assurance and testimony that they were not the problem, so they felt even more comfortable not taking any responsibility at all, so in result they never have look back at what they have done or will do. Finally, I think it is healthy to care about what other people think to some degree, just not those people or their flying monkeys. Those are really irrelevant. Most people will have you become more sane and reasonable if you look into their opinions, because they often reflect a reality of some sorts, even though mostly mundane/material. So I wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater just yet. There's value to what people think, maybe not necessarily a spiritual value, but they keep you on track with the mundane life so you don't fall off into scams, cults, delusions, etc. They keep you in alignment with common sense. Anyway, that's just my two cents. I hope you're doing great and that you will find a final resolution that none of this will bother you again (me too). Reading your posts gives me a huge mental boost and clarity. I guess that's one way to develop my writing skills. Thank you!
  9. There is a difference between waking up from all illusion and waking up to it. You might have the latter, but you cannot have the former.
  10. Alright, I'm going to start building a simple blog website for myself as a start, maybe I'll turn it into a forum in the future. It's not going to be the best-looking website, though. And it's not going to be the most featured one, either. Just a basic website with authentication (signup, login, etc.) as a testimony for my progress and the skills I have learned so far. I'll post the final result when it's finished. Let's see how long this is going to take. As a challenge, I'll try to finish the whole thing within the next two weeks max. I don't know if it should take shorter or longer on average, but just for accountability.
  11. And yet it can. God sees gurus everywhere. Everything is God's guru, since God is the ultimate Guru. Without gurus, God remains incomplete.
  12. Cuz I'm not omniscient and they might know or be aware of something that I'm not. Any fool can learn solipsism. It doesn't necessarily increase consciousness or make anyone awake.
  13. Leo: Trump does not exist. Trump: **Buys YouTube and bans Actualized.