Striving for more

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  1. Girl text me back. But only the money & the lifestyle will keep em. Can't put my focus in the gym again. Just martial arts & soccer cos I love em. But nada mas. Well a little workout here & there, some push ups & sit ups in the monring. But fuck being a bodybuilder. Books money experience charisma the juice is worth the squeeze. Higher vibration. I JUST BOUGHT A CHEESEBURGER FROM MACDONALDS. Next time I wanna buy it I give it to homeless guy. next tinme I wanna waste money it goes to the guy from siria fleeing with no freedom. How the fuck could I waste the chance I got? How the fuck could I not get rich not be an inspiration how the fuck could I not chase high quality women & how the fuck could I put random girls on a pedastal how the fuck could I spend hard earnt money on a frappe ? And I go club some girls I try chat to but their personality so ugly, All for a fucking frappe? Did I carry boxes in the rain feeling shit for years just for a fucking frappe? Isn't there more to life than a frappy? Nonononono. My life has more meaning than that. GIrl actually texted me back. Wow, I gotta try not mess this one up. I need to keep building my life up, can't be like those wastemen sitting around in macdonalds with no purpose. Get fluent, get rich get more interesting gain more value learn how to save a life learn science learn biology become less autisitc so much shit I wanna do. But I gotta respect myself & stop the infeorirty complex. I gotta be grateful for the chance I got. I can't waste this life. I'm done journalling again. I took a week off but I don't have time for this. I just leave on this note. There is litterally no time for depression or negativity, there's no time to have low self esteem. You have to think you're the boss or you don't even have a chance, I'm not deluded life's tough but you want the greatest chance then assume your the fucking boss & start acting like it. I have to keep this mentality. I cant waste this life. It weren't all for an ugly girl and a frappe. Life is more than this.
  2. Fuck man my thoughts are so negative ... What happened? I felt like the boss a week ago And I remember seeing this beautiful latina girl at a bar ... she was staring at me. I don't think it was the look per se, but the aura I was projecting, the aura of excitement, novelty, courage, knowing what one wants, sociability. That charisma has now dissipated completely ... and man I still wish I talked to her. She's the only attractive girl who has shown me clear non verbal interest, and to be honest I remember her like the was gods gift, she looked like the ideal girl I dreamed about couple weeks ago. Anyway, I am lost right now.
  3. Had 12 hours sleep last night. Still got about 900 more hours to catch up & need to wake up earlier... But good start. NOW >> I MUST STOP "SPENDING" (Throwing away) MONEY I had this insight in the shower : every time I buy a beer, coffee, go restaurant, buy chocolate, cigarette, overpay for water bottle .... It's like I'm litterally giving them money. Why the fuck would I do that? Only a lack of self - respect I would do that. If I buy a kettle and box of green tea bags it's an investment >> Increased BDNF for life because bags are cheap & kettle will last months. If I spend 3 euros on tea then that's just dumb > 3X7X4 = 84/Month >>> 84/Month in crypto could easily be 2-3X > 250/Month lol I've done this logsticial / logical analysis before. But no amount of reason & rationality is enough. I have to protect my neurotransmitters, can't be overwhelmed with these painful emotions. It's a hard competitive world and every one is out for themselves, I can't be acting like a little bitch & spending money on fudge. In fact, Ima go into the hsop right now and tell that guy "you can't have my money", Ima walk to every resteruant "you cant have my money I eat berries & lentils I'm not paying 10 euros for a tiny little processed meal bitch fuck you No I won't actually say that, but this is it. Spending goes away. Investing starts. I can't end up homeless or in some I just don't know how to get this feeling out of my chest. It's this feeling that makes me procrastinate, makes me spend. This emptiness. I don't know if I can go club again because it sort of ruins me, I feel so awkward, I don't know how to "just enjoy myself" when all I want is to meet a nice girl, but of course I project this & it's obvious, I go alone & I scan the room, and I pay money just to enter hoping I'll meet someone. This neediness is so feminine. I need to purge it away. I just don't know how. I just need to keep reminding myself that if I get rich I can have everything I want, especially if I become valuable person too, people will be more drawn to me.
  4. SOSOSOSO Fucking tired & I probably need about 1000 hours sleep to catch up on. Thoughts SOSOSOS Fucking pointless & I've wasted thousand hours in pointless thoughts. Have to just solely focus on regaining energy. But the temptation to hit club could kill me again. Club & no number no scores I gotta keep my pride save time & leave go sleep. Hit the club early hit it quick try it on with the girls expect rejection likely if it happens leave leave leave. don't stay there till 4 am go there 10PM 12 am leave leave leave. Wake up early busines bussines business. If i have to be incel ok but DON'T be a broke incel again. I did well to save & invest money but I'm spending it fast fast fast. so so so fast fast fast. Its called misery spending. Being such a needy bitch keep walking in to stores buying stuff cos the girls hot, then I try say " I like your camisa" or something she get pissed off like go away no chance never no no. Go get the money the bags please hurry up no time to wast go go go . Recover & go go go. get the money the bags the nmoney bags go go go go.
  5. Just deleted my 2 posts, pointless. I hate myself, the card I was dealt. I hate life, it just sucks. I'm so tired of life. I might just die soon. I better fuck this receptionist. I think that would just give me enough morale to carry on with life. i hope it happens, felt some sexual chemistry, she asked me questions & giving me discount. I hope it happens tommorrow but I gotta hide the neediness. Fuck it I might just try it when she cleans my room, then if it's awkward no your creep or im married ect.. Ill just fuck off to a different city. Still miserable & alone. I know I'm being victim (I think I am), there's probably solutions. Im just so tired & then alcohol & bit of cocaine too much sugar now coffee now messed up my neurotransmitters. All I'm feeling is self hate. I have to at least go Bi polar. If i can switch on the supreme delusional self love confidence then for sure mature latina more likely to suck my dick then if I act how I'm acting now. Pathetic I know, its just the neurotransmitters, hopefully I'll save myself & reallign myself. Constantly comparing myself to others again just the neurotransmitters. But I always been hypercompetitive deep down I gotta win, I gotta win every scene every place I gotta win the girls I gotta win the money I gotta win the resources I gotta win the attention I gotta win. I gotta win the money & gotta win the police & gotta win the law & I gotta win. I win or I die, I can't take average.
  6. Lool are you trolling? What's the purpose of being able to communicate with billions of people? That is obviously the purpose, or 1 of many potential purposes. Go enjoy your abosolute woo woo. more purpose to doing this than talking about woo woo jibberish on a forum.
  7. And this is why (im creat*** a c***** to) solve this problem for this niche market. no one has done it in this way before, You will buy & have never problems again.... I will stand on my island on gold but I am paranoid of sharing or hinting at any sign of what I am creating, for there are many way smarter people than me who may steel my blueprint and capitalize. Robert greene "always say less than necessary" also "it don't mean jack shiyt until you actually fucking do it brobro" (leo goora)
  8. No more time on this forum this week. The occasional journal note ... but only if I do something noteworthy. If I don't follow through on my goals then I don't deserve to even be on here, like a fucking parasite of mediocrity. Fuck that. I don't wanna be like some people on here who just merely come here to avoid their goals and be medoicre. NO. I WONT DO THAT. IM POWERFUL. I'll be back in a fucking week. Tense right now. GOtta save every second, Action time. Egotism & lack of results is ugly as fuck by the way. So now I live up to my own egotism. I FUCKING HAVE TO ARHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. FUCK!
  9. Oscillation of power occurring. Pendulum keeps swinging. Environmental & logistical issues pulled me back down, disturbed sleep and got some brain fog, strugllingt o use my mind and right now I need to make quick decisions to save me money & act fast and arrange my journey. I'm going to paradise city. Focus on soultion, not problem. Be willing to use brute force. May have to stay up all night, may even take a Mod if I need. Gotta move quick this week. Quick decisions. Gotta start acting like a man again, not giving in to weakness 20% - 40% of the time, I NEED 100% COMMITMENT TO DISCIPLINE. Emotional Masculinity. Cinematic Music. The movie starts now. The fight continues. Focus, one thing at a time, burn myself out & use brute force until I have changed the no.1 strucutral problem of my life, very simple I just have to be decisive "when do I do it but I could save money here & there blah blah ".. Look. I'm gonna be millionaire soon anyway, so who the fuck cares about wasting $100, i need to do this. Time is the most crucial. Fuck it, I'm gonna be a billionaire. "Ah but why would you want that Neo, why man that's not spiritual?" hahahah. You'r hot yoga wife's gonna me mine anyway bitch fuck off with your spirituality, I'm getting my billions, whether I have to leach it or earn it, or do both, I'll find the fucking way. This music is fucking perfect. Perfect like the perfect girl I visualised meeting today. I'm never stop listening to this music. I'll never stop with my affirmations until I genuinely believe in myself. Uttter belief to the point of delusion. Too many people on this forum are so realistic "just work a 9/5 for 5 more years", lol look if your from china or india I get it you got no choice, but from america with no kids or obligations? are you crazy 5 more years? So much gold everywhere. So much fucking gold. GOlden pussy, gold bars, golden fountains, golden air. Ima breathe golden air, paradise of the kings lair.
  10. Loooooool... Never ever take dating advice from girls. Not this chick especially. Ask the guys who are actually getting results themselves. It's way better to sexualize. I'd rather sexualize & make intentions clear, rather than fucking wasting loads of time talking about "ooh I'm just a normaly guy who accidentally is speaking to you, oh you have a sister ok". That's so boring and I don't have time for that. Yes a bit of normal chit chat is fine and expected, but fuck this hiding intentions nice guy nonsense.
  11. POWER. Nononononoo. POWERRR. I kept fucking doubting myself, hesitating, indecisive, "can I do it?" "Is this really realistic?" "Maybe the normies are just smart? Maybe "realism" = anti-delusion?" Noonononono. Fuck listening to everyone else... and I mean ANYONE. I KNOW WHAT I DESIRE & I'M NOT ASKING FOR IT, I'M TAKING IT. BECAUSE I'M POWERFUL. I HAVE INNER POWER. EVERYTHING I DESIRE IS COMING TO ME. COMING "FAST", BECAUSE I'M NOT WAITING LIFE IS SHORT. I'M NOT GETTING RICH IN 10 YEARS OR 5 YEARS, I'LL BE "" RICH "" IN 1 YEAR MAX. Of course I won't be a millionaire by then. But I don't even need to be, especially that I'm moving to 3rd world countries, paying fucking 3-4 Less than I'll put in the work, of fucking course, what I need is power. "Need to move country, lets move wait ah which country which city, how do I go which place is best?" JUST PICK ONE & GO WITH IT. TAKE THE LOSS & DEAL WITH IT. ONLY WRONG DECISION = NO DECISION. POWER. POWER. FIGHT. MONEY, SEX, CHARISMA, SUPREME CONFIDENCE, SWAGGER, TAILORED LINEN SUIT & QUALITY HAWAIIAN SHIRTS, COMFIEST FUCKING NIKE AIR VAPORMAX PLUS AND $400 RUNNING SHOES, $1000 WOOL BED SHEETS & SUN SET BOULEVARD ON PARADISE FUCKING LANE. STAGE ORANGE, STAGE GREEN & STAGE FUCKING POWER. LEVEL UP MARTIAL ARTS TILL I'M A BLACK BELT. NO ONE WILL CONSIDER FUCKING WITH ME EVER. POWER THIS IS THE YEAR OF POWER. I AM TRULY BEING AUTHENTICALLY MYSELF. SPARTAN BILLIONAIRE. WHO THE FUCKS GONNA MESS WITH ME THEN HUH? NAH SCREW YOUR LAW SUITS. "It is better to live life being delusionally positive than to be realistic ... so long as your delusion is grounded to reality, but only to the extent necessary".
  12. These girls need to read Seneca. Avoid people who don't respect time.
  13. Then maybe change city?
  14. I have same issue but it's more general "FOMO" towards missing experiencing life in it's entirety, any time I see someone else being alive, it reminds me that I'm living quiet desparation, and unpleasant bodily sensation swiftly appear ... signalling urgency It's simply the fear of death? I think it's healthy, the question is can you harness that fear, or just keep running away from it? Seems you should experience some of that stuff yourself, I sense unmet needs. Obviously "FOMO is an unconscious reaction ect.. perhaps not healthy", but only useful comment is fulfill your needs and drop the FOMO, just scratch the itch. Isn't this whole post just an avoidance of your probelm? That unmet needs exist, maybe you should feel into it and notice the emotions, but also act and drop the forum for a while. Requisite Variety. Solve this problem for good, then you never have to be on here feeling sad about it. I'm trying same thing been antisocial for years so I can relate to you. Maybe me commenting right now is also just avoidance, Action José.
  15. I created this post mostly as an antitode to the depressive energy that has plagued me this week. I can only think & act in extremes opposites.