snowyowl

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About snowyowl

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  • Birthday 01/01/1964

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  1. Awesome And there's loads of women out there looking too. So it's half and half: you looking for them; and making yourself a good catch so they want you. Good luck man.
  2. It's good to see you happy @Blackhawk Just focus on making each other happy and if you have a backlash then focus on making up. Otherwise try not to get anxious about backlashes, the anxiety will only make you more resistant to being in the now.
  3. Well, there's lots of people who already think their religion should be the world religion (Christians, Muslims, Bahais, even atheists) but it's often done in a supremacist and imperialist way so is a big source of conflict and evil in itself. If you are thinking of a liberal non-creedal religion which respects all historical faiths there's the Unitarians (Unitarian Universalists in the USA) who're already doing that too. It sounds like you're rather giving up on the old religions to be able to educate their members in peace & order, why do you think they've failed? We need to learn what's gone wrong in the past so we don't repeat the mistakes. One possible reason is that folks can get very hung up on believing the exact correct thing, or practicing in the right way (a literalist view). And they rely too much on their scriptures as the revealed word of God, so any deviation from their version of God's word is necessarily wrong and/or evil, so feel the need to change other people to their approach. Also people conflate religion with community, meaning that the whole thing becomes tribal and there's favouritism towards members of your own religion and othering of everyone else.
  4. Me too only talking from my own limited experience. If I knew the answer to all this I'd pack in my office job and get out there helping people with it
  5. I'm open to that possibility, I don't know much about narcissism yet but probably need to find out. All I can say for sure is that certain situations result in physical symptoms of anxiety which have a disabling effect on my behaviour, such as my ability to engage in conversation and generally open up, because I'm in a state of fff (fight-flight-freeze response). It's completely subconscious so I'm not in control, I can't just switch it on or off. Although not nearly as bad now as it used to be, hence my recovery, although in reality it's only a partial recovery. Why am I like that? I can't remember any particular childhood trauma apart from perhaps a lack of parental presence (my parents did love me but were often absent having careers and then got divorced). Then there could be a genetic component, my dad suffered something similar as far as I can discover. But perhaps there is some narcissism passed on too, I'll have to look into that.
  6. In my case (and after following @Blackhawk's threads over several years now, perhaps him too), I put the underlying cause down to social anxiety. Being stuck between the devil of inner loneliness and the deep blue sea of fear of social interaction. It's painful to be lonely but there's also a safety in being alone, compared with the anxiety of socialising. The horns of that dilemma create a stalemate which results in depression. Or maybe anxiety isn't the original root cause, it could be something genetic or childhood trauma causing the anxiety as a symptom. It could be linked to narcissism too, I don't know much about that I'll have to read the other thread.
  7. I guess there's no point having a system which relies on having enlightened selfless people running it, like a benign monarchy or aristocracy because there just aren't enough good people like that around to fill all the jobs. The wisdom we need is a system which knows that pretty much all of us are selfish to some extent and corruptible by wealth & power. How to limit the powerful, without clogging up the system in red tape. We want to get things done and have a successful economy, defence, education, healthcare etc, so we need strong leadership but without the excesses of greed and selfishness. How to square that circle is the challenge.
  8. @Breakingthewall @Blackhawk I can in a way, agree with both of you on this one. I used to be heavily depressed too and one thing which delayed my getting useful help was a doctor literally telling me to snap out of it and sort myself out. I just wasn't ready for that approach, was too embroiled in my suffering and not strong enough to pull up my own bootstraps. It took me a few more difficult years to go back to a doctor and ask for help again, luckily that time I got someone more attuned to where I was at. Eventually, after getting help from others I got to a point where I could start to help myself. If getting wasted means getting drunk, well yeah I can relate to wanting some escape from all the pain. But I don't recommend frequent drinking, it's likely to get you more depressed in the long run.
  9. @Oeaohoo You're making a lot of sense, and of course revolutionaries fighting a cause for people who haven't even asked for it are just going to be a disaster. I heard a quote recently that in the American revolution against the British, there were only a few percent of the population actually fighting for their freedom. Most people who were of fighting age didn't enlist, they were either not that bothered about it or just taken up with keeping their own lives together. A friend once suggested to me that rich people should be deprived of the vote, because their money means they already have enough power and it's poorer people who need to become more enfranchised. A joke perhaps, but it expresses the point that those who need more help from the political system are less likely to be involved in it (I'm trying to be a little more diplomatic!). But we're left with the people who do already have power, deciding what's best for those who don't. It's a crappy situation and I don't expect any quick progress. Having said all that, I'd much rather live here than some absolute monarchy or dictatorship of course.
  10. @Blackhawk ah I see. Well I hope you have a good night. I guess I'll be staying home too, I don't have a big social life either.
  11. I am always a bit behind the times in my language, happily so. I'm trying to refer to the fact that the hierarchies represented by the large scale institutions like royalty, aristocracy, empires and international politics, is also present within the whole fabric of society. The class system, gangs, in fact social dynamics in any groupings like companies, schools, even families. Many of us live in democracies, yet still get so frustrated by the system not representing the needs of the less powerful people in society. Corruption is hard to eradicate because it's so attractive to people who have the power to benefit from it.
  12. The "Defender of the Faith" title is a great joke, as it was originally given to Henry VIII by the Pope, before Henry broke away from the Roman church and went independent. Yes of course the monarchy is outdated nowadays, in the sense that we wouldn't have one if we were starting a country from scratch. But does it mean that countries are any less happy or democratic having a constitutional monarchy rather than a republic? When you get rid of monarchy it needs replacing with something else and an elected President isn't enough because they'll be a party political figure. So you have things like the flag, declaration of independence and constitution, but before long all those too likewise go out of date. The US constitution and the flag they love to salute and do their little rituals to are already out of date and slowly becoming fossilised, how would they feel like if foreigners like me come along and say it's time to replace them? At least a monarchy is made of living people who naturally get replaced with new ones at each generation. Slightly off topic but I've been thinking about empire too. Yes the British Empire (and others) was outdated and wrong and needed closing down, but what has it been replaced with? The 'non-imperialist' superpowers which followed have hardly been any less interfering and war mongering around the world than the empires which they replaced. All those countries gained their independence only to be dragged into an economic and geopolitical system which still oppresses them, as far as the ordinary working people are concerned. All this leads me to conclude that we're still just tinkering with the systems and not dealing with the deeper underlying human psychology at the root of all this conflict. Monarchy, imperialism etc are symptoms not the root causes of the problems we're trying to solve.
  13. Sorry you're feeling down, yeah a good night out sounds a great idea. And if you can, try and leave the negativity behind so you can have some fun in the moment. It'll make you more attractive to women too. Can't you see that all those depressing thoughts create a downbeat aura which the women around you will pick up on and put them off. There's nothing wrong with a bit of philosophy, asking questions about the meaning of life & the universe etc. But when you're feeling depressed and can't climb out of it by yourself, there's no shame in asking for some professional help.
  14. Monarchy has had to reinvent itself many times over history since the bad old days when the King was the man whose army conquered everyone else to make his family the top dogs. Like after the civil war the Royals (actually the whole aristocracy, of which the monarchs are just the top of the pyramid) had to accommodate to Parliament having most of the political power. Now one thing which retains the monarchy imo is that we instinctively feel a need for something to unite us as a country, when the rest of politics is so divisive and competitive. There are so many forces splitting us up and dividing us into warring groups. Yes the monarchy is far from perfect, it provides its own soap opera with the younger royals, but these days it needs to stay politically neutral and provide a kind of focal point for national identity. Or should that be Union identity or Commonwealth identity? It's kinda complicated, there's so much history wrapped up in there. And we don't want to abandon our history either. We mostly prefer to muddle through and fudge things rather than have some great revolution like abolishing them.
  15. How are you feeling today bro? If you've got suicidal thoughts like this then please forget internet forums and get straight on the phone to your local emergency suicide helpline. Best wishes man. Assuming you are feeling ok today ... "This is my belief". Are you saying this from personal experience or is it just a belief? If it's from experience then you're saying that you have experienced being most happy. In which case yes life is full of ups and downs and by that logic the time to be free from worry is when you're most unhappy because things will be on the way up. Why should that be a cause of feeling suicidal? It reminds me of the Buddhist talk about impermanence. "Every conditioned phenomenon is impermanent". Including happiness and also unhappiness. There was a time in my life years ago when I was kind of drifting and unsure what to do. But I was into Buddhism and used to see monks and visit monasteries. I was even toying with the idea of becoming a monk myself. I was talking to this monk and he was explaining how, before he ordained, he experienced emotional highs and lows, how it was a cause of disturbance and suffering. Now, after being a monk for some years practising intense meditation & mindfulness the highs & lows had subsided and he was more on an even keel, in the middle without getting involved in any dramas going on around him. He was happy like that. I thought about that a lot afterwards and decided I didn't want that kind of life, without the ups and downs, having flat emotions all day long. I wanted to find some passion even if it meant the emotional crashes too. So I didn't become a monk, and carried on looking for my passion which I did eventually find in loving a woman, having a family and a career. As well as continuing my spiritual practice. But can't say I got as enlightened as that monk though ha ha! Maybe my story is no help for you but there are choices to make around whether to jump into the river of life to find your passion or whether to try and protect yourself from the emotional volatility and avoid the drama. No judgement either way, whatever works for your happiness.