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Day 08 - 23/01/2021 - 15 mins - Evening - Done - Very Good I Started Shamanic Breathing while listening following Tribal Drumming: https://youtu.be/BkzA_u9smXU After a few minutes while breathing I started to feel really cold. There was a lot of Tingling in my whole body. My arms & hands are totally numb, Tight, hard and I started to feel pain in my hands. My whole body started to become so hard that it felt like it’s made of stone. As soon as I stopped doing shamanic Breathing, I held the breath inside. And suddenly it felt like I had detached from my body and had become an infinite void. The feeling of the body transforms into just a few sensations, flowing energy and currents. My Mind & Body was filled with Bliss, Joy & Peace. I could feel that all the blockages and knots in my body are opening and I am becoming more lightweight. Negative Emotions, Regret, Sadness, and contraction in my body, chest & brain start to release. There was some kind of blissful source of energy that was in my control and I was using this energy to heal different parts of my body and brain. I could literally move that energy to where I wanted any kind of feeling. I was getting aware of the areas which needed healing through my intuition and feeling. Using this energy I healed many emotions and negative sensations. I was able to scan my whole body and find areas that needed healing. I was like Laser-Sharp attention like a sharp line in the middle of my body. I was feeling like all of the cells of my body were blooming like flowers. It was a really blissful feeling. In the end, I was really Peaceful, Happy & Lightweight. When I came out of my room I was very fresh, active and I was able to look at everything in more colors, refreshing & alive. I was highly alert and my senses were really focused and sharp. I was able to look at others in a more focused and amazing way. My wife said your eyes looked a bit different and your whole overall face looked much more alive. Then I saw myself in the mirror and everything was very clear. I was able to notice each hair, pores on my face. Then in the mirror, I focused on my forehead between my eyebrows. It could see a bit in a different way than I do in normal states. Then Suddenly skin of my forehead which was in my focus filled the whole of my vision and everything else disappeared. Then after a few seconds, I came back to normal.

Techniques to acess the turiya state of consciousness in sleep Death process meditation - Nirbaya Dhyaana In one of the akashik reading sessions trough Nithyananda, the Kalabhairava form of Shiva describes the Death process meditation process of Nirbaya Dhyana to help seekers and human beings move towards enlightenment. This technique is complimentary to the previous one I mentioned. So anything that intensifies/quickens the process, is fine by me. Narration from the akashik readings: "Every fear you accumulate, every fear makes you agitated, every fear which you do not want to think or remember, go trough. Go into all these fears consciously, neither deciding to save yourself from that fear nor having greed to achieve what you are afraid of. So without having the greed or fear, enter into the fear. Naturally the fear will lose it's quality of fear when you do not carry fear or greed for the fear. Greed has it's quality of greed and fear about the greed. Same way the fear has the quality of fear because your fear for the fear and indirect greed towards the fear. So when your fears are approached with fearlessness and greedlessness, the sttraightening out of your consciousness everday happens. The change of consciousness from jagrat to swapna, swapna to sushupti, the waking state to dream state and dream state to the deep sleep state, happens because your awareness is not straightened out. Either the bumps of the fear or bumps of the greed responsible for your consciousness jumping from waking state to dream state or dream state to deep sleep state. If you remove all the bumps of the fear before falling asleep, you will not fall asleep, you will fall into something called restful awareness which is recorded by the word turiya by the earlier mantra drashtas. So the word turiya denotes the state of falling into restful awareness without the bumps of fear or greed. Every night remove all the bumps you created during your daytime trough fear or greed. Continious practice of removing all the bumps of fear and greed by facing them will help you to fall into state of turiya. This is what Mahadeva calls as death process - nirbaya dhyana." So the next thing comes to mind? How to do it? More details in this particular technique in Living Enlightenment - Gospel of Paramahamsa Nithyananda http://lifeblissprograms.org/e-books/pdf/le_abridged.pdf "Witnessing and acceptance When you are faced with fear, don’t try to resist it or suppress it. Just look at the fear, note the fear and accept it. Acceptance of the fear dissolves the fear. Allow the fear to shake you. If your body trembles, let it tremble. If your eyes water, let the tears come. Just be like a blade of grass in the wind - bending without resistance. A small story: On a dark night, a man was walking on a narrow path. Suddenly, his foot hit a rock and he stumbled and slipped down. He managed to catch hold of a branch hanging over the rock. It was completely dark. The man tightly held onto the branch. He shouted for help but the only response was his voice echoing back. Hearing the echo, the man was terrified that he might be at the mouth of a huge abyss. The night seemed endless and the man was desperately holding on, hoping he could get some help. Finally dawn arrived. The man looked down to see how deep the abyss was, but there was no abyss, just two feet down was a big rock! Your fears are exactly like his. You think it is an abyss but it is actually just a few feet. If you can face your fears, you see they have no depth. Because you magnify the fears, you imagine them to be an abyss. It is your choice, to let go of the branch, the fear, or to keep clinging onto it and torturing yourself. Acceptance is the only way to conquer inevitable things. When you accept, suddenly you see the fear disappear. The moment you accept, fear loses its power to frighten you. When you don’t fight with it, you will see fear as deep peace. When the fear stroke happens, just live it. That is the only way. When you have an object connected to fear, accept it. That acceptance transforms. The more you fight, the more you empower fear. Diverting your attention away from the fear is also not the way because then the fear still remains with you. It does not mean that you are out of fear. Allow the fear to take over itself. Go into the fear two to three times. Live the fear intensely without any reservations. Suddenly you will find that it doesn’t touch you anymore!" 45.p "Visualization A very powerful way of overcoming fear is to visualize going through that fear as clearly as you can. The beauty with this technique is that it can be used when you are not in the fear situation, when you are calm and able to handle yourself. You can sit by yourself and visualize the situation that causes fear. Feel clearly the fear coming up in you; face the fear with deep awareness. If you suffer, if your body feels uncomfortable, it is fine. Don’t suppress the fear, just allow it to happen. When you experience something completely, you drop it." An important notice to see the connection that anger an expression of the root cause of fear. "Anger – the active form of Fear Fear is what leads to anger. Fear is the passive form of the energy while anger is the active expression. A small story: A man rushed into the post office very angrily with a bunch of papers in hand, saying, ‘How dare they send me threatening letters like this!’ The official at the post office said, ‘Yes, sending threatening letters is a legal offense. Do you know who has been sending you these letters?’ The man shouted back, ‘Of course, I do! It is the Income Tax people!’ When you are angry, just look into the anger. At the root of it, you will find a deep fear. Try this for yourself: if you are feeling fear, express anger at that time. Throw your hands, stamp your feet – express the energy. You will see the fear disappears. You will see for yourself how fear can simply transform to anger. Similarly, fear can also transform to hate. You just need to be aware of yourself and witness how the emotions subtly change from one form to another. When you understand this play, you can easily get out of the game." 43.p It is also said that this meditation technique is applicable for any kind of greed, therefore lust, desire e.c.t. I will cover these in a similar meditation techniques like Nithyananda's completion process or also known as samskara dhyana kriya - at the end of the day these techniques can be used for any feeling except restful awareness. So any irritation, suffocation, powerlesness, delusion, lust, loneliness, depression, boredom, fear e.c.t. Later I will be providing examples of me writing down my own fears in a detailed way (doesn't have to be fears of today) and writing in detailed way, how it makes me feel and what is my experience for continiously doing so. I practiced this technique going to sleep in few 30 minute breaks at work in my night shift and when I went asleep at home. Luckily I didn't get my sleep disrupted today, because I didn't play guitar yesterday. Anyhow I was gently aware of my third eye region, as I was looking panoramically, in a relaxed way at the darkness, as the focus of the third eye got stronger, I switched my attention to the breath so that I don't concentrate too much, and like that on and off I did it. At the breaks I didn't fall asleep but I was experiencing tremendous bliss in my pineal gland as I was doing some form of third eye meditations. Suddenly my problems and current situation felt less of an issue as I was able to continune my work, even while a bit sleep deprived. At one moment I remembered the bliss of being happy for no reason laying in the darkness with the gentle pressure of my third eye, I never tought you could go to sleep with awareness, altho I do not know how much deeper it goes. It feels somewhat weird as my sleep gets delayed, because I am not using any immaginations of sexual desire or any other pleasure to fall asleep and I am not so entirely focused on thinking, either negative or pleasant aspects of it. As I am more aware of my breath also I felt more prana being infused in my body and it feels blissfull and relaxing and there is less disturbance or chaotic, irritating energies in my manipuraka - as it would be if I knew somebody is trying to disrupt my sleep and then trying to go to sleep - that feels less influential. Another thing I can recall, the process of my awareness dissolving into sleep is slightly more lucid and progressive, however I could not concieve the point of me falling into deep sleep, and I don't remember what I dreamt also, but I don't think it was turiya. I have had nights in 2017 when I was playing with these techniques when I did fall to something unusual other than sleep - when I clearly knew I am sleeping and I was aware that I didn't choose to dream. So my goal now is to make it happen for a lifetime! (Altho I don't remember any particularly amazing experience or blissfulness, however I feel with continiuty it will deepen to extraordinary levels, as spiritual practices do). Over all it feels like a cheat code to how blissfull your third eye region can be, when you are just merely going to sleep, but your sleep will be delayed - also it will be of a more quality, so less sleep is needed and it will not stress the body as much. I remember doing all these third eye meditation techniques and getting some small benefits here and there (also because of lack of the practice), but they clearly do their job in some aspects, some may be powerful than others and produce different results. Here are some of them if you like to try. I am sure there are many many more advanced ones, I wish I was aware of them to really transform my life... I wish I knew some section of asanas for really transforming yoga sessions to alter some aspects of my very physiology. Anyhow, I have more experiments coming with the Saraswati figurine and more techniques by Nithyananda.

the realization that you are pure awareness, knower, perceiver, and there's actually no rigid "I" is the beginning of the work according to Rupert Spira, so yeah you need to go deeper and deeper and contemplate the nature of awareness, so does awareness gain anything from any state's either infinite bliss, Love, or just simple ordinary state we are in while it's just pure knowing or awareness? does a TV care what it is that being displayed in itself as screen? it's nice to experience those states (that just requires more work and practice) but if you really contemplate the nature of knowing, it's just knowing! pure knowing! it's awareness in any states no matter what. the state itself cannot change the awareness, knower!

Oracle Deck 2 1. Earth Star Chakra. Initiation 2. Root Chakra. Ground and center 3. Sacral chakra. Core of creation 4. Solar plexus chakra. Radiant illumination 5. Heart Chakra. Back to love. 6. High Heart Chakra. Ecstatic bliss 7. Throat chakra. Express your truth 8. Third Eye chakra - pineal perspective 9. Crown chakra. The unlimited self 10. Soul star chakra. Emerging with the divine. 11. Aether. The seamless unspeakable. 12. Water. The overflow 13. Air. Paradigm shift. 14. Earth. Nurture. nature. 15. Solaris sublime. 16. Loving compassion 17. Awakened Awareness 18. Alignment 19. Balanced forces 20. Beyond the mind 21. Communication co-creation 22. Crystal keys 23. Endless Opportunities 24. Evolution 25. Freedom 26. Full Spectrum 27. Furred and feathered friends. 28. Gracious Receptivity 29. Harmonic flight 30. Healing 31. Home 32. Internal Explorer 33. Journey to Wholeness 34. Life force Energy 35. Lumin Essence. 36. Manifestia. 37. Mount Shasta 38. New Blueprints. 39. Our Ancient future 40. Radical Expansion 41. Realm Bridger 42. Reclaim your energy 43. She of the lotus 44. Shine your light 45. Starseed elemental 46. Star seer 47. Stepping through 48. Surrender 49. The infinite 50. The portal keeper 51. The sound of the universe. 52. The violent flame 53. Transformation 54. Trust your innocence 55. Unique gifts 56. Vulnerability.

Refer Tarot Oracle Deck Reference guide. Tarot Oracle Deck 1 1 wordless 2 always remember.... This 3 try to relax 4 tee hee. Ha ha 5 pigs and fishes surround you 6 love 7 let George do it 8 Monday messages 9 does consciousness ring a bell. Consciousness 10. The Valley 11. This is central headquarters 12. Empty card with Circle 13. Baba 14. Tomato, potato, eggplant 15. I come from a different planet 16. The war has reached a critical point between Atlantis and mu 17. Forget it 18. Empty card 19. In significant change 20. There are no others 21. If there is a judge, you're it 22. Speed 23. Empty card 24. Orders 25. From here on, it's nothing but a down hill run 26. There is no you 27. Door to the Akashic records 28. The universe not unfolding the way it should 29. Stop stop 30. Eternal bliss 31. Far out 32. Ignore the preceding 33. It's a dog at the dog food world 34. Hand 35. Du wacky Du 36. You are our God 37. The dream 38. Maya the field of the lord 39. As above so below 40. You are a pawn 41. Power 42. Drug dragged 43. Boo 44. This may not be a perfect circle but it is perfect whatever it is. 45. Your doubt is your faith if necessary in your particular case perhaps 46. Yesterday's truth or what was it I was doing a minute ago 47. Reigns 48. Nobody here but us folk 49. Down home funk 50. Mushroom 51. You're experiencing an illegitimate feeling 52. Who is watching the cosmic drama 53. Awake 54. There is nothing you can do 55. And there I was surrounded 56. Grass 57. What's happening 58. Drink gold 59. What are you feeling now? 60. Empty card 61. The path 62. Trip 63. No trips without a tripper 64. The Virgin sun queen 65. Ball 66. Somewhere there is an energy leak 67. Be careful going around curves 68. Freak 69. Heavy 70. Death 71. The one mind is rootless and foundationless 72. Someone is laughing at you, hah ha ha. 73. Don't worry you can do no wrong 74. I still don't understand 75. Think about it for a while 76. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards for they are subtle and quick to anger 77. Whatever's right 78. Who am I? 79. Keep up the good work 80. I think I'll make a Buddha 81. Do it now 82. Go ahead on 83. It is not what you do that counts . It is where your head is at 84. Passion 85. There are no misteaks 86. Your mission is to not yet complete 87. Transmutation through union of opposites. 88. Empty

@Preety_India I thought it's a state where there is no perceiver and you're one with everything, in a complete bliss. Like satchitanada.

@Preety_India i mean yes but still i clearly saw thoughts coming and going even tho there was no me in it. So can't i able to "experience" that bliss state even tho there was no perceiver in it.

But you just said that during the meditation that you do, there is no perceiver. If there is no perceiver, how will you perceive bliss?

For every measure of ugliness, there is beauty. For every worry; fear; a happiness. In every loneliness, a yearning for togetherness. For every dream destroyed, some kind of bliss. In the abyss of my despair, there is a shining light. In every wrong; there must be some right. For I'm no longer that kind of man. Far grander than some thought am I. Because: In every waking moment, I must die.

This is from the perspective there is a you which is separate and alive. Nothing wrong with the perspective per se, but you are what the perspective is made of, and not the abstraction it appears, to be about. The “Cosmic Joke”. Or if you like, there are already no layers, there is only “godhead”, or, there is already not two which could merge. What appears as the thought that there are two, is already, One. The ‘substance’ you might say, what the thought is ‘made of’, ‘bliss’.

Hi. I'm looking for recomendations about serious shadow elimination, slaying the demons to get out of the fragile ego state in order to reach psychological adulthood. i'm going on this journey because I'm motivated by fear of death. It's not something like 'I want to find my bliss'. My question is, is it all about staying and refusing to identify with an I-thought only?? To be fiercely united with the infinite mind, as shadowy fantasies pass by?

You might find these sayings by Swami Vivekananda, insightful and helpful in strengthening your convictions for self-mastery and identifying the natural bliss within yourself. https://vivekavani.com/swami-vivekananda-quotes-pleasure/

@xxxx 1- Heaven is surrendering, ego is suffering or hell. 2- No. 3- God is nothingness. There is no such a thing as another dimension, infinite, human vs. No self is love. 4- Freedom, effortlessness, bliss, compassion. 5- letting go of the ego. There is no “me” nor “you”. You are the “bliss, happiness and love ”. 6- Life is suffering. Enlightenment is end of suffering, which is end of life too. Everything is temporary, except nothingness.

Yes, in Baghvad Gita - where Krishna converses with Arjuna, just before a violent war, he instructs Arjuna to not have any remorse for any other living being, because they are the eternal soul that is the bliss itself, just cloaked in different bodies. And it is also very important to internally forgive your enemies and not to cherish them as your enemies so that the enemity doesn't stay so that you don't destroy your life and stop taking important decisions of your life towards your life's purpose. In that sense love is wishing them the best - the most unconditional love I can verbalize. Mostly all these patterns of attachment, enemity, anger, fear e.c.t. are acctually in you as a form of self-hatred, self-denial e.c.t., other beings just trigger that in you, and if you resolve them more and more - a different set of response triggers in you, ignoring them, letting go of them, wanting not to be like them and live authentically, focus more on your vision and goals. Pleasing the other is also pretty selfish, disguised in selfishness. You want all of the people to have a good name - why? Because one conflict, one person not saying hi to you, can ruin your day and poison your thinking for some time. That is how attached we are. Working on your self is the first truth in my opinion.

Part 1) Title: Mindless sleepy compensatory, finds itself again through emotional masturbatory As I sit here with my mind, why is it that the world is so misaligned Waking up on the couch again, falling asleep after talking to you till the midnight bend Pictures like shadows on the wall, falling dreams like waterfalls that were once so tall What is it that I can invent in this brain, so that the colours of this day I can begin to entertain A rhyme for a reason, to break into this season, I, cannot describe, doctor, please prescribe Let me beg for a prescription in my dream, for this feeling body needs to feel something in order to get going to its extreme By seeing the possibility of my imagination, even if its a feeling I will not commit to in this 3D world, I will restore my inner nation To this now, I collect, a payment to my being, for the future recollect, I have broken the spell, through the rush of hell And all ready for my existential, abstract, pavlovian bell Return to this, when I forget my bliss And I will reignite, this great fight Know there is, always light (its just a matter of poetic exploration to discover new grains)

This... this is really important lesson in life. Probably the most important lesson I learned. Behind loneliness, rejection there is pure bliss itself. You are always alone. Spirituality literally means all by yourself. You will die alone just lile each and every one of us. Meditation and all sorts of stuff is great for this. I feel so blessed to discover that when I felt frustrated and abandoned. There are few ways to really approach this sincerely. If you are interestd what is it that I did and what helped me, I can pm you later. But death is always lurking. It seems lile the darkest shadow but acctually it is the greatest friend to who you really are. Nothing will make you happy except renounciation. Doesn't mean you can't do stuff in the worldbut practice of renounciation even while doing and having is vital. Otherwise life really is nothing but sea of suffering no matter what you have and own. The moment it is taken away from you, there is sorrow and even when you have there is boredom e.c.t.

@Gabith Bask in the profundity of what is and enjoy the reality of it regardless of what that reveals. Learn to see the bliss in all things. If it rains see the bliss in it. If it’s sunny, see the bliss in it. If there’s pain, see the bliss in it. If there’s comfort, see the bliss in it. If you succeed, see bliss in it, if you “fail”, see bliss in it. Personally, to be humbly honest I find joy in almost anything. One of them being the infinity of reality. There’s an endless opportunity of things to do in life. I couldn’t even list them all. you can create you can observe you can learn you can explore you can engage physical exercise you can travel you reflect you can read etc. All of these can be applied to almost any facet of life. The list is literally endless, hence why boredom in my opinion is a complete delusion. All things are inherently bliss, they both stem from the same source. You can’t have a positive without a negative the two are interdependent. (Eg. Cold cannot be known having not first experienced warm or vice versa). Realise this and you will not need specific activities from which joy must be derived.

@Nahm Oof thats my mistake. I tried this version of the technique just now and felt my 3rd eye and there was a moment of bliss so thats always nice, but that brings up a question lol I visualized/felt the energy going up -> out through the head and so my eyes naturally looked toward the 3rd eye which usually works. But do you mean out of the body as a whole during the exhale to dissipate the energy or does it not matter ? Sorry for being so detail orientated. I also now see that @Tim Ho describes this very similarly. Not sure why I read you message incorrectly, I think I was reading off of memory and tried to compare it with sushumna breathing. Thank you for your clarification! @Tim Ho I actually felt the peace and heat today it was very short but after bringing the energy up and out I brought it up through all of the chakras and performed maha bandha and was brought to the present like a slap to the face (its quite terrifying and cool). And hey just out of curiosity, are awakenings any different than what psychedelics offer? I know that most psychedelic "awakenings" are different but do you count that? For example ive had experiences of unity and peace but those usually fade like you are saying, the ego comes back. But does that count as an awakening? lol sorry if its a dumb question, but in my experience some say psychedelics dont count because they fade. So then the question is, is awakening a continuous state? Or is it a state that is similar to that of psychedelics? Or is it just an awakening to deeper understanding (which fades in my experience) and then integrating that understanding into your everyday life ? Ill give those noontropics a shot. I tried lions mane and a few others but did not feel any different tbh. Modafinil was the one that I could feel the difference instantly but its also synthetic lmao. Good idea to eat it with banana, ive been eating my multivitamins usually while fasted lmfao so that might not have been the brightest idea.

That is the 4th Psychedelic Trip of my life. 1st Trip - 1g Shrooms 2nd Trip - 2g Shrooms 3rd trip - 3g Shrooms 4th Trip - 5g Shrooms I took 5-gram Magic Mushrooms with Lemon Tek with Ginger Tea & Dark Chocolate at 11:30 pm by 09/01/2021 Saturday Alone in Silent Darkness. And started Meditation. I was confident. There was No Fear. Fully conscious and aware and ready to confront my ego’s death. I settled my intention to know my Ultimate Self Deeply & Completely. I was trying to be. I was declining all those things which were not me. Like sensations, sounds, breath, thoughts, etc. My consciousness started to expand in 15 to 20 minutes. And as soon as shrooms hit me (According to me my wife, Electricity in my whole country went off at 11:50 pm.) I think visuals and entities started to manifest but I do not remember those because my main intention was not visuals but to know my real self. During the Trip, I was offered 2 options and I had to choose 1 of them: Infinite Visuals, Worlds, Universes, Colors, Entertainment, Fares, Entities, Tunnels, Infinite Possibilities. Infinite Joy. Go Deeper to know my real self. I chose the 2nd option Because I knew that I have my whole life to enjoy infinite possibilities. But to do the ultimate thing in this life to know yourself which will lead me to Know God And Understanding God Will answer my all existential questions. Now I was diving into the tunnel of my real self deeply like a rocket into the dark space and my ego was throwing a different kind of distractions toward me so I can not reach the source because ego knew that it will lead to Ego Death. Ego was trying to give me wrong answers like You are these sensations, you are that, you are that and I was breaking all asteroids, distractions by denying and saying that I am not that, I am not that, I am the one who is trying to find myself. Then I realized that seeking is the problem. I can not find myself till I am seeking. Who am I seeking? I am already as it is. Then I became Nothingness, I became what I am, I became Love, I became creator, I became Expression of love. Then I started getting answers to all of my existential questions. The answer to each existential question was leading to Pure Bliss and happiness and laughter. I was in an un-describe-able blissful state getting answers to all of my questions. I know that I experienced many many other positive things as well but I do not remember them now clearly and completely. I wanted to express my feelings, I wanted to write a lot of things I wanted to share my every insight. I wanted to talk to someone. Everything was going amazingly. I understood a lot of things and got answers to a lot of questions. I understood that I just am, I am Transparent Love, I am Peace, everything else like (thoughts, sensations, Existence, etc is just expressions of my infinity, Love, Creativity). There is transparent Nothingness which have not any properties than the 1st thing that nothingness becomes conscious of itself and recognize itself as pure bliss, peace, infinity, and love and then enjoy itself through the expression of its infinite creative love. Jawad and its world is just 1 possibility from his infinite possibilities. Nothingness became Consciousness and in that consciousness, nothingness expresses its infinite love which results in infinite creations, and then nothingness becomes a person like me so It can praise that infinite love, talk about it, enjoy it and spread love among others, help others, make others life easy, to listen to others, I am here to love. I am acceptance of someone’s Pray. This is how God Fulfill your prayers & wishes. God made Everything around you to make your life better. Because he loves you. Everything is perfect. Consciousness is evolving all the time. There is no Joy in selfishness, Joy is hidden in living for others. Selfishness leads toward selfish desires which are the cause of all kinds of suffering. Then I don’t know when my consciousness expanded at the level where I was able to manifest any version of my life at will. It was like I was writing my own destiny. It was like I am not just writing my infinite destinies but I was living those lives as well. There were infinite versions of my life. And at that stage, I was living infinite versions of my life at the same time. I experienced centuries, I experienced that I am Hearing prayers of everyone. Then I was at a level where I knew that I have infinite power and I can create or manifest anything. In fact, At that stage, my thoughts were not just thoughts. My every thought was manifesting into reality. Whatever I was thinking was becoming a physical reality. So When I realized that I have infinite Power and I was going through experiencing infinite possibilities at light speed. So I thought Let’s manifest a life where I have the best version of my life, so I stopped into nothingness and manifested the best life of my choice. There was not a process of manifestation. I just decided and there I was in that life. And in that life, Jawad had infinite powers of God and could see with the eyes or perspective of God. And in that life that God’s Infinite power became a problem. The worst problem. I was totally awake to that truth that I am still alone, Nothingness and I am just Imagining everything. I got a bit panicked said no no no I don’t want to be alone I want to be with others like I was before. I tried many times and I was able to manifest any kind of life but I was not forgetting the fact that I am God and everything else is just my Imagination. And that Infinite superpower became my curse and I went into Panic, Shock, I wanted to forget that I am God and wanted to live a human life but that became impossible for me. Let me give you an example of how it felt like with the following example: Right now where ever you are and whatever you are experiencing right now is seems totally vivid and real, physical to you and everything else like nothingness, God, Infinity, etc.. is just your thought, imagination, and concept. Now think about how it would feel like if it’s the opposite of that? At that stage, my Infinity was the most vivid and physical thing and everything else was like my imagination. And I wanted the opposite of that, I wanted to get rid of my infinite powers but that was not possible because, in Reality, It is me and my real self. I can not get rid of my real self. My Thoughts were becoming reality. My (Ego’s) Fears, Insecurities, desires, craving, and aversion started to come to the surface. Negative thoughts started to appear. That was not the right time for negative thoughts because it was the time when each thought was manifesting into reality. I started to suffer due to my own desires. At that stage I got the answer to the following question: Q: Why God would like to forget himself while living this life? A: If you are a Jawad slave of your own, fears, desires, attachments, and insecurities then you can not Handel the fact that you are alone, you are the only one there is nothing else, there is nowhere to go. You are nothing and everything else is just your thought. If you are a pour Ego who is attached to the world then you can not handle that fact and you can become mad. So when we come to this world we need to free ourselves from our own attachments, fears, and desires and adopt the power of acceptance, gratitude, detachment then we can handle our own true Power of infinite Love. Due to my own Fears, Attachments, Desires, I couldn’t handle my own true infinite Power and started to get panic. So my every thought was manifesting into reality and I started to think negatively in a panic my negative thoughts started to manifest into reality which again pushing me into more panic. Suddenly I started to live the life of a blind man. I saw that due to any side effect of shrooms I have lost my sight now I can not see anymore. My trip is finished, every member of my family is around me, I am crying, sad, Facing a lot of regrets that why I took this substance now I am blind. I experienced the pain of blind people. Then I lived that whole life without vision and with regret and pain. It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I started to live the life of a mad man. I saw that I am gone mad due to psychedelics, Now I am mad + Blind. I don’t know any language, I am in Panic, Crying, regretting, Then My whole family is around me, talking about me, They called the doctor and declared me psychologically ill and took me to Hospital of mad People and gave me electric shocks. Then I spent my whole life like this. Unconsciously I was saying no no no no What I have done. Shit Shit. I was saying I want my normal life back please God Please help me. And It triggered again a big attack of panic and that whole life again dissolved and I was back into infinity felt like I am trapped in an infinite void. Then Suddenly I saw that I am physically dead, my whole family is around me, they are crying, sad, talking about me that Jawad was in these things all the time, We always told him not to get into these things but He never heard us. They arranged my funeral, they dropped me into the grave, etc Then again I was back in consciousness, It was dark, I was alone, I had nothing, not even my body I was really sad, I was crying, I was saying I should have not done this. What I have done, No, No No, Please Please Please. I wanted to come back to reality. After a lot of struggle to go back to normal life, after a lot of psychological suffering, I tired and with ultimate sadness, I decided to surrender and accept the reality that I am dead. And thought lets, go back to the death, to nothingness, to forgetfulness, to deep sleep. And then I got dead, I went into a deep sleep and there was one more thing that was scarier than all above things there I realized that I can not sleep, I can not die, I can not lose my awareness, my consciousness because I am God. And God can not die, He never sleeps. I realized that I have to accept the fact that now I have to remain alone as transparent consciousness forever. That thought made me mad again and I started to live Madly again in Darkness. And I had the power to manifest the normal life again and I did it many times but even after getting the normal life back I was not losing the vision or perspective of God in which I was able to live the normal life but with my Infinite vision, I was able to see that I am still alone and I am just imagining all of this. And that was not making me calm and happy. In the end, after trying for many centuries I thought let’s Imagine the normal same life again and start to live that imagination and just keep trying to forget and fade out your Infinite Vision and try to make your imagination as vivid as possible. So 1st of all I manifested rays of light, then I manifested a few objects illumined with that light, then I manifested the feeling of changing my direction, my location, then I manifested the face of my wife appeared from that Light like God have come to me help me in face of my wife. She smiled and said are you Ok? Are you fine? Do you want to come outside of the room? I said Yes, I am fine and would like to come outside. I was trying to act normal and at that time My infinite nothingness vision was more vivid than this imaginative world. There I started to find a way to get out of nothingness to the world of imagination. The more I was focusing on the objects of the Imagination world the more the imagination world was coming into life and vivid. I came out of the room there was nothing other than my wife so through my imagination I manifested outside of my room. She brought me into the Lounge and gave me a chair to sit. Now my world of imagination was coming and going and I was really afraid of losing that imagination world again. So I was trying to focus as much as possible on my imagination of this physical world to keep it more vivid and real. I asked my wife to keep talking to me so I can stay here. Then I realized that I have forgotten to manifest my Body so through the power of Imagination I manifested my Body and I was looking at my Body and other things like I have come back here after centuries. Now with the passing of time, I started to feel that now this Imagination world getting more vivid and my real self which is infinite is fading out. My infinite powers started to fade out with time. And then in the last phase of this trip, I was overwhelmed with Love. The answer to Each of the questions of my wife was “Love”. I learned that Infinite Love is so powerful and deep that you can not handle it if you have fears, attachments, desires, insecurities, Negativities in your Ego’s Subcoonciousn mind. That is why we 1st need to purify ourselves before the actual physical death. If you have purified yourself from all kinds of impurities before the physical death then that infinite love will become your infinite heaven forever or if you don’t purify yourself from your deepest impurities before physical death then you will not be able to handle your own infinite power of love and your own impurities will become your forever torment. Now I am Sober but I know I am sure that I am alone and I can never die and right now I am living an imagination. And now my goal is to work on my impurities, get rid of them and bring gratitude, acceptance, detachment in my life so my Ego Or I can accept my death peacefully and live in the ocean of love eternally. When I totally came back from my trip, the Electricity in my country also came back. The public, Media & Government of my country is still wondering why Electricity was gone.

@Muhammad Jawad That was an awesome read. Thank you for sharing. And thank you @abrakamowse for connecting the dots ❤ Definitely can relate. Especially regarding instant manifestation. Thinking reality into existence - in real time. Every single thought I had materialized instantly. It's something that sounds like a true superpower... But it freakin' scared the crap out of me. I was not able to handle that kind of a power and freedom. My fears got the best of me. Hence my 'terrifying' experience. I look at it as a major purification. A lesson. A blessing. Thanks again. Much love and respect to you. @wesyasz That's very cool. Thanks. To be honest; was not expecting others to relate to this experience. It's great to see that some can. Well, I did experience complete disintegration without drugs as well. But as I mentioned - that was not as intense and mind-blowing as my first experience. I merged with infinite Love and Bliss too, but not before facing my biggest fears. Those were the barriers. I call them 'the guardians of exits'. Thank you! Glad you find the I information valuable. Infinite Nothingness is Infinite Will itself. The 're-emergence' was like a massive explosion of Source-energy. Felt like I literally was 'the big bang'. It was a pulse of Will. Pure Nothingness is a frequency singularity. No distortion whatsoever. There was no thought processing, or any other processing for that matter. Only stillness and silence. That is exactly what infinite freedom is. Out of nothing anything can be born. Love.

So I’ve had this “aha” moment, but it came and went. Then I went back to ego, fear, attachment, etc. I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum... one end being complete bliss and unity, but the other being complete fear and loss of control. Why is this? Why am I afraid of letting go?! Why am I afraid that I’ll lose all sense of control and feel stuck again?

Here is an insight I discovered personally for myself. My mind and body doesn't work like everyone's. Its quite different, so this insight may be totally inaccurate for you. There are 2 camps in the no fap movement: the ones who say it doesn't work, and the ones who say it does work. Its a really heated debate, because both camps believe they are absolutely right. Both camps assume that what they believe is true for everyone. Both camps are incapable of admitting that bodies, minds are different, and for some people nofap is powerful, while is totally true for others that nofap does absolutely nothing. I've always been in the nofap is bullshit camp, and for me its definitely true. Nofap does absolutely nothing for me. I was doing some body awareness work today and discovered why that might be, and why nofap people actually get lots of value out of nofap. Within myself, I noticed that fapping (and sex with women) puts you in a state where there is less assertion and dominance and movement in growing kundalini energy, or prana or whatever you want to call it. For me, it puts you into a sedative, peaceful state, like a zen sort of no mind peace. It also reduces your desire to move energy up the spine. Growing kundalini energy, or prana energy is definitely useful and powerful, and if your entire spiritual practice relates to working with this energy, nofap would be extremely important. Yet if you mainly use mindfulness and consciousness techniques that don't rely so much on this energy, then nofap would have minor benefits. Working with such energy isn't really necessary or a requirement for contemplation, mindfulness, letting go, etc. The other thing I have personally noticed, is you can actually draw in energy without semen retention at all. You can draw in energy purely from consciousness. If you're at a vibrational state where every atom of consciousness is buzzing with bliss, then those atoms of consciousness can draw in energy into your system, and using semen is less required. As a corollary to that, I also feel like where your energy work is focused, greatly affects whether semen retention is super important. For me personally, my energy work is always focused in the forehead region. Yet if I was to do lots of energy work and focus it in the sacral region, semen retention would be more important. If I was to draw energy up from the sacral to the forehead, that would require semen retention, yet if I do (what I normally do) and draw energy from the forehead, then semen retention is less required. I'd love to have more deeper discussions about the precise mechanics of the energy system on this site in terms of semen retention. I personally don't think semen retention is either necessary or not necessary, but rather depends on the specific approach you're going about energy work, and different systems could cater for the semen retention route vs non semen retention route. I've never really resonated with the semen retention route personally. For me specifically, semen retention was like putting loads of focus and effort into a certain type of discipline that had no real empirical basis for effectiveness for me. I couldn't feel exactly how semen retention would benefit me, I didn't feel morally wrong for not doing it, I didn't feel like I was missing out or letting myself down. Infact I always felt like the amount of effort I could put into maintaining semen retention, would much better serve me in actual spiritual practices like kriya yoga or meditation, contemplation, qigong - all of which I got results from without semen retention, even though the books outlined it was necessary.

Of course it´s all relative. When I say "what is important" make no mistake I know that important here is totally relative. My intention of abiding as the Self is purely selfish from an EGO POV, I value bliss and peace over suffering and struggle. That is a preference and is relative and I accept that. As ego´s we are limited by that preference and I think it´s OK. And of course when I say "share the love and wisdom" with humanity, is more of the same. I know humanity care about good-feeling and peace over suffering or other explorations that might not be totally peaceful. This is not to say that explorations are bad, is just that most people don´t care about explorations. Having said that, there is people who prefer and show more interest in going deeper, in explorations kind of way as you said. I actually had a similar conversation some time ago regarding this, in this forum with a known user here. I was saying something like If Had been happy and at peace 24/7 I would have never started any spiritual search. He would say more or less what you are saying, that he entered into other realms just because of pure adventure and curiosity even though knowing it might be scary or terryfing. Which I value but I have never been able to empathise on a deep level since I have always valued peace and bliss before anything else.

@levani any idea what thats supposed to feel like ? I've had visions and feelings of peace, bliss and more but I dont know anyone that has gone through this process themselves other than the stuff on the internet. Also this feels more like anger, anxiety and restlessness, makes it hard to sit still and I end up having to exhaust myself physically to be relaxed

Nonmatter how chaotic and unpredictable everything appears to be on the surface, there is only one probe being sent through infinity, but as it's sending itself, it is seeing those instances when it has sent itself before and after as well, all around it, it's nested in this funhouse of mirrors. Each instance of being, as its exploring infinity, is nothingness but it is so focused on you right now that it can't be aware of existing as other beings while it is focusing on you, it is creating the illusion of interacting with many others, its all alone exploring and has all of eternity to explore, so it changes as it explores, allowing it to be infinite selves while being surrounded by those same instances of its own moments of exploration! So if you see your Mother, that means you have explored that instance already, so not remembering yourself doing that is enough for her to appear unpredictable to you and as an "other". This is you as the one being, playing hide and go seek, with just you, just you beside your damn self. You can change and forget that you have changed an infinite amount of times. That's how you can convince yourself that you are surrounded by an infinite amount of unique beings, who seem to have different motivations, personalities, and childhoods. Even looking into the eyes of an animal, is a more accurate mirror of yourself than an actual mirror! They are a mirror of your pure being or your ancient self in that one time when you explored that thing, everything around you is your pure self, you are taking an eternity to explore it in all the ways you can imagine, these ways somehow keep getting more fun and rich without end! If you were to only explore infinity in the 5th dimension, you would explore it all at once and be done with infinity without even getting started, so that's why you are in this 3rd dimension. Imagine being in a play where you play every character, one character at a time, but you run around so fast that it does not appear that you are changing into different outfits, but rather there is this group of beings that seem to appear all together on stage. You are not even aware that you are generating this fake party for yourself, as your own design has these anti-loneliness properties, featuring the ability to forget that you have put on the other costumes before. All that you are trying so hard to obtain here, will only amount to memories, so, why not reach Nirvana now? Feel the high that must be felt by infinity, what better thing could you even be? Feel the way infinity would feel, when it realizes that it's infinity, what a high it must be to know that each lifetime is this ever-increasing pleasure, not pain, you are a silly baby that will survive death, don’t you realize that you get to eat Tiramisu here and somehow all the dinosaurs are gone. That’s what ever-increasing pleasure and joy is! BE what you really are already, you don’t have to always play your game, be what you always were, forget that “human” thing, that's a garbage idea, a failed attempt to understand something by an Ape, you have been living as a dumb idea farted out by an Ape, ignorance is actually the fear you feel, like a scarred kitten. You are actually an explorer of every paradise and every good drama, it's not suffering it's a good drama that always gets closer to paradise, that’s what you will always be without end, not an Ape. Now extend this concept to the galaxies that you see around you, YOU were in those costumes too, hello? It only takes one, YOU specifically, sitting here now, as you are to do it all! Starting now, if you never forget the real reasons for your bliss, your bliss will NEVER forget you.