Denial

@RillesWell, a lot of stuff Leo teaches seems New-agey. So I wanted a clear distinction and interpertation from you guys.

what is the difference between the new age and what Leo teaches?

@trentonGood luck to you too

@neutralemptyThanks for your help ❤️

@trentonBeautifully written. I have decided to let my self feel more even though it leads to chaos. Even though it leads to people hating me. Even though it leads to death. Living an apathetic life is just not worth it anymore. I get no joy out of it. The whole idea that you should be cold, and emotionless as a "man" is so fucking moronic. It leads to no worth, only egoic pursuits. Ive had enough of hiding. I wanna feel everything.

@RillesYo, this is my favorite song

Started when I was 13 I think, but it was more moderate. I could still enjoy stuff and my fear of death was stronger. The reason why spirituality has been dangerous for me is because it has lowered my fear of death. And I always to some extent wanted it. Had pretty bad OCD. It affected my school life, family life and relationships with friends. My inability to stop thinking is probably the cause of it becoming worse. I have a problem with letting go control. When I become happy, I get super paranoid that I might lose it somehow so try to hold on for as long as I can. Then I inevitably come crashing down to the same baseline. It usually happens when I become aware that I'm feeling better and then I become a control freak about it and can't flow with it. When I get the biggest sense of control is when I become apathetic about life. Because then I don't need to stress about anything anymore. It doesn't matter what happens. The problem is of course that everything loses it's meaning and I lose a drive to continue living. But for some reason I find that easier then to let go of it and become emotionally vulnerable again. To really feel everything. The reason why I ended up like this is because I have a lot of thinking compulsions. I was told to overcome OCD you have to confront the feelings that you get from not doing the action. And I have to some extent, but I end up just suppressing so that I don't have to do anything anymore. It's the ultimate form of control. My brain doesn't care that I'm miserable. It only cares about safety. That's why I ended up like this. If I'm gonna be happy again I have to accept that everything is out of control. I kind of feel like lying to people to convince them I'm a lot better, then just jumping off a mountain and be done with it all.

I'm not gonna repeat what my problem is, but I'm desperately looking for something that can make me look at life in another way. Please share your insights. I'm literally living in hell right now.

@trentonThanks. I actually want to take a break from spirituality because I haven't developed a healthy ego yet. If I have that it would be easier to let it go. I only get glimpses of peace and quiet (which is my only goal in life) and then I come back to my normal, neurotic self. I have lost all interests other than spirituality to be honest. I used to like make music, now I sometimes do to distract myself, but thats about it. A distraction. All I seek is peace, which has led to me attempt suicide. Now I can't even do that either because I am being watched, which is fair enough. People don't wan't me to die, but I desperately want that. Not even being dramatic about it, I just have had enough. Things that I'm trying to do everyday is to challenge my eating problems so that I can start to feel better. Exercise of course/ going for walks. But it all feels pointless at the end of the day, and just hoping that I get a heart-attack at some point, or my ego dissolves. It is very torturous when I obsess about spirituality all day long, but have such a neurotic, anal approach at it that it seems super hopeless. I only truly relax when the suffering has had its peak and I surrender, but thats only temporary and the cycle continues.

@Podie45Do you know Dr. K on youtube? He is a very good psychiatrist and very into meditation and raising consciousness in the world. I would highly suggest you talk to him about your problems. I'm not sure if he does private conversations, but his audience would probably benefit from talking about your issues in some way. Give it a check: https://healthygamer.ck.page/09c07d7d1d

@Joel3102Yeah I like the fact that he isn't really that ideological. It becomes very easy to go with a script of talking points when you become attached to your audience view of you. It can mean you lose money, friends and get more shit/hate. Destiny has butchered a shit ton of his viewers because they realized that he wasn't a socialist for example. Someone like Tim Pool/Ben Shapiro would never do that. But since Destiny only cares about making logical arguments and being independent it makes it easier for him to be more flexible. Even Vaush can be a little preachy sometimes, though more conscious than most online lefties I think. That is not to say though that Destiny is always right, and doesn't say stupid shit. But he does justify his statements better than most, even if he's wrong

Like I see for example Jamie Munday on youtube saying that if you see your watch with number "11:11" or "55:55" (repeated numbers) many times that means you are going through a spiritual awakening. And It sounds silly, yet I can't help but entertain the idea that I'm ignoring something important. Like I feel like I'm being watched constantly by other spirits or God or whatever.

@KaloThis contradicts the status quo in this forum. I'm curious about the non-dual view about life.

@CultivateLoveHe is emotionally repressed. Got neglected a lot as child. If he where start meditating or become non-dual/conscious he would probably kill himself. That may be harsh to assume but he is too comfortable being like this and have even said himself that if he were to explore his emotions he would fear that he might start suffering a lot like most streamers do. Which is caring about what other people think about you and neuroticism in general. All he cares about is playing video games and debating politics. In some sense I have no problem with it, but in another way the type of mindset he has about life is extremely cancerous which is the same mindset a lot of the right-wingers he has debated has. Which is egotism/maximizing your ego's needs and doesn't really wanna go deeper than that.

I feel like ever since I became a spiritual person I have become very naive about the idea of faith. Like I will justify that "I was meant to suffer like this" or "The universe has my back". For those of you who have "realized" the Truth about the universe. How does this play in? Are there spirits out there, is there a thing such as faith? Or is Life just a Dream and You are God, but other than that you are alone. But even if you are alone, you have still duplicated your consciousness to infinite amounts of imaginations if I'm gonna take the non-dual approach seriously. Ever time I get a little more cynical I become more productive, but when I lose the drive to do anything I justify that my "enlightenment" will soon happen and that it's meant to be. I guess what only matters is what perspective is needed to survive and grow, but then you could argue that I should go back to religion to get more control out of my life. Which is something I don't wanna do, but feel like I need in some sense to justify my suffering. That's what happened to Eliot Hulse, but he got extremely toxic because of it.