flume

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About flume

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  • Birthday 04/02/1995

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  1. @ThinAir haha ok passt danke, he i leg jz auf, tschüssi!! @Grant NZ thank you so much for sharing so detailed. What you're saying makes a lot of sense. Really enjoyed reading it. I'm still a bit spooked out because it felt so foreign. I'm curious if it will ever happen again.
  2. Come on Leo, this is so sad to see. You have a genuine intention, a great vision, and you’re putting in lots of work into all of this. Don’t overshoot the mark to the point where everything turns sour. I have a really bad feeling about this. Do you realise that you’re leading by example around here? It’s your forum, I get it. You can do whatever you want. But you’re still having a big impact on the atmosphere around here. If people acted how you sometimes do, you’d have thrown them out already, wouldn’t you? What’s the point of shooting yourself out of space into experiences that no-one ever had, if you can’t bring back appreciation and kindness towards other people? To just consider that they might have a valid opinion? No, I haven’t had all the experiences you’ve had, maybe I’m not as smart as you are. It’s not about how valid your teachings are, it’s about basic respect and tone of voice. Are we only allowed to speak now if we’ve taken 5-MeO? Is enlightenment a free pass to be arrogant now? It’s up to the most conscious person to be intelligent enough to move flexibly in between states and help others out where it’s needed. Not to bash everyone on a full blown ego trip. Or maybe it’s just impossible to integrate what you’re going through? But you’re always gonna have a core of people that follow you, no matter what you do and how you speak. Look into the eyes of other enlightened teachers. They’re not putting themselves above anyone. You’re not the centre of the world. You seem so defensive an threatened, just the opposite of someone who’s trying to embody humility and love. Be the change you wanna see in the world. Then again, maybe that’s just your style of teaching and it just doesn’t resonate with everyone.
  3. Ugh! Beautiful thread. I'll add some of my favorites that aren't mentioned yet. All from Walden: "Time is but a stream I go a-fishing in. I drink at it; but while i drink I see the sandy bottom and detect how shallow it is. Its thin current slides away, but eternity remains." "In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness." "Thaw with his gentle persuasion is more powerful than Thor with his hammer. The one melts, the other but breaks in pieces." "Though the youth at last grows indifferent, the laws of the universe are not indifferent, but are for ever on the side of the most sensitive." "Not till we are lost - in other words, not till we have lost the world - do we begin to find ourselves, and realise where we are, and the infinite extent of our relations." "To be a philosopher is not merely to have subtle thoughts, nor even to found a school, but so to love wisdom as to live according to it's dictates, a life of simplicity, independence, magnanimity, and trust." "Follow your genius closely enough, and it will not fail to show you a fresh prospect every hour." "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." "It is life near the bone where it is sweetest." "The morning wind forever blows, the poem of creation is uninterrupted; but few are the ears that hear it." "The light which puts out our eyes is darkness to us. Only that day dawns to which we are awake. There is more day to dawn. The sun is but a morning star."
  4. "We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time." - T. S. Eliot (Four Quartets)
  5. I’ve never been completely raw for a long time but I know the more raw food I eat the more energised I become. When I eat mostly raw, it’s like I wake up with 5 energy drinks in my blood. I feel out of this world. Almost to a degree that it’s uncomfortable because I don’t know what to do with all the energy. If I wouldn’t eat root veggies and grains to ground me, I think I’d literally fly away. I’m thinking it could be good for long mediation sessions as raw food is usually easily digested and leaves you feeling light and with a crisp mind. As @Michael569 said, on the long run it’s gonna be difficult to get everything you need as such a diet is not nutritionally adequate. Especially protein, calcium and zinc. If you wanna be serious about this, maybe get some raw protein powder and supplements (and do a lot more research on it). It’ll be hella expensive too! I only do it in the summer when I’m able to grow most of what I eat myself. I also couldn’t do without warm, cooked, spiced food when it’s cold outside, but that’s just me. If you do it, you’ll have to eat a lot, eat often, chew a lot, pay a lot. You can for starters try to maybe eat one raw meal a day or just incorporate more raw fruits and veggies in general and see how you feel. A combination of both works best for me. It’s not true (from my research) that eating a vegetable raw for example is always better than cooked. Cooking makes some nutrients more absorbable and others less. It’s just different.
  6. @billiesimon I’m terribly shy as well. Meditation helped me a lot to find an inner ground that can’t be shaken by the outside world anymore. It’s still small but it’s growing everyday. I can recommend ‘The Six Pillars Of Self - Esteem’ by Nathaniel Brandon to learn and practice inner stability as well. You might come to a point where you genuinely don’t have to rely on other people’s opinions about you anymore and it will be much easier to be authentic in social settings then. If you have to retrieve till then, let yourself. There’s a time and place to get back out of it and there’s a good chance you’ll love and appreciate people much more once you do. Buuuuuut…. You can also dance around shyness and other obstacles quite a lot. I do that all the time. It’s like a blind spot. Especially when you’re alone, you might not realise a lot of things that are actually standing in your way. So I’d say it’s a good thing that you recognise where you’re ‘stuck’. Of course to learn you must also practice. Commit to doing something to push yourself out of your comfort zone everyday or every week. Don’t overdo it, one step at a time. Maybe you’re also just not excessively social. That’s fine. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Many self help teachers portray the outgoing extrovert ideal, but that’s not the only valid way to go about life. (Read ‘Quiet’ by Susan Cain if you identify as an introvert) Together with mindfulness mediation and challenging yourself regularly, these books might make you more comfortable to go about social situations your way.
  7. I see lots of (good) advice around here concerning fasting, gym programs, food plans, etc. All of this is great if you’re trying to loose some pounds and get into shape. But if food is anything more than nourishment for you, if it consumes your thoughts and you’re stuck in cycles of restriction and shame, sometimes for years, then the problem lies somewhere else. Simply put: If you eat in response to negative emotions, health advice is not what you need. The only reason why you’re carrying excess weight is because you think you need it. It serves you in some way. Think for a minute about how being big/ overeating serves you. There’s reasons there. Here’s some reasons why you might be carrying excess weight: Nothing/ no one can hold you, so you must hold yourself, sooth yourself. Maybe you’re afraid of people hurting you. Paradoxically enough, in our society being fat is a great way to hide. The opposite sex won’t be interested in you, so no one’s able to hurt you. You’re protecting yourself from the attention of men/woman unconsciously. Maybe you hold on because you’re afraid you’re gonna be denied at some point in the future. If you have an eating disorder, your relationship with food equals your relationship with love. What you might have learned in early childhood is that you need love so desperately to feel soothed, but it's scares. When you get it, you can't control yourself around it because there's such desperation for it. And when you do take it in, there’s a consequence. You feel guilty, you over - indulge, it’s poisonous. What happened when you showed negative emotions as a child? Were they validated? Hell no. You were taught they’re not tolerated. You were conditioned to deny and reject them, to run away from them and fill the pain in an ‘acceptable’ way. You’re probably still doing that. Think about when you started gaining weight. Probably something significant happened. A difficult relationship with food is a good indicator for sexual abuse or other severely traumatic childhood experiences. It could also be more subtle than that. I know for me, I always felt like I need to take care of my own needs, that no-one is looking out/ providing for me. I can’t be sure that there’s food for me when I’m with my parents. Basically I can only trust myself and I’m scared to be left alone to die if I give some of that responsibility away. That made me greedy and controlling… It’s disgusting, I used to hate that about myself. I can hide it and I learned how to be generous with others but it’s much more difficult to let loose with myself. You must learn to see that being overweight/ binging is serving a purpose. They actually tried to make overweight people to stop overeating/ loose weight and a big number of them fell either into brutal depression, panic or rage. Some of them became suicidal. You might have looked at that problem in the wrong way all together. You don’t need to be told what to eat, you probably know perfectly well what to eat. You need to be listened to and understand why you eat. Being overweight is a signal. It’s trying to tell you something. It’s not a problem in itself. Stop asking what’s wrong with you, start asking what happened to you. It’s not a problem in itself, it’s an indicator. You need to heal. Just as a personal example I’ve been eating healthy pretty much all my life. I love cooking and have a passion for food and working out, yet still I gain weight when I’m (too) alone. If I don’t have people around me I can rely on it just happens, even though nothing about my eating changes. I get into a weird obsessive spiral as soon as I think about it too much, my relationship with food changes completely and then it’s all downhill from there. It’s my way of coping. It could just as well be cigarettes or drugs, it really doesn’t matter. There’s probably so much more to say about this, but who cares. The most important thing is that you get help. If you’re an emotional eater and if any of those things ring true to you, get help. You’re trapped and you’re not gonna get out of this alone. The first and most important think is to talk to someone about it. Just talking about it has a significant potential to better things. Don’t lock it away! Find a member of your family or a friend that you can fully open up to about this. Or go to a therapist. Talk to someone face to face, not on the internet. Feel free to send me a message anytime if you need someone to talk about this, I’m happy to listen. I mean it, don’t hesitate. Please. Just. Fucking. Talk. To. Someone. DO IT!
  8. I was fully awake all the time, until it wore off and I felt those little 'worms' moving inside of me. Then I was falling asleep slowly. The shocks woke me back up a bit but I was quickly gone. (What the hell, I just typed the first sentence, made a mistake and wrote 'worms' loving inside of me instead of moving inside of me. Even the first time I tried to correct it, I typed it wrong again. Then my brain skipped a second and I felt a weird shiver in my body. Hahahaha literally laughing out loud right now.) To be honest, I'm a bit scared of that. But you have a point, seems to be a good gateway for these kind of questions. Thanks! Haha I'm not ready to die
  9. If she's leaving you for that you don't want to be with her in the long run anyway. Woman have to work on themselves just as much. It doesn't all depend on you. Maybe they go for them first because they seem secure and confident. But I'm guessing they're not staying for long. And if they do, then it's probably not very fulfilling. I'd say most relationships are actually very unhealthy. So don't use them as an indicator. If you want a woman to provide you with an open heart, you'll need to provide her with a sense of direction and confidence first. It's all about being able to give and to receive. It's a beautiful game. The good thing is, you can get there. I'd say stop hiding. You have one life. Try and be yourself. See what happens. If you really wanna be happy, there's no value in hiding :-) Easier said than done, I know! Good luck :-)
  10. Thanks for all of your replies. @SunnyNewDay @ThinAir @Natasha The thing is, I literally don't really feel different or like anything has been cleared at all. Maybe at some point I'll understand what it was, now I'm just puzzled. It felt like someone elses emotions that just needed a body to work it out. I never heard about something like that though. @Flatworld Crusades I say 'dark' because it was physical pain in my body and it felt super dense and stuck. Before my inner eye the colour black came up. Not necessarily evil, more like 'hurt'. @tsuki Because I don't really know where to start. I thought maybe someone had a similar experience. How can I work through something that isn't mine? It literally just happened 'to my body', it didn't touch me. It's gone again as fast as it came.
  11. @billiesimon @Psyche_92 I get that it might seem sadistic, but I think it’s something else. The truth is, most woman have probably been in the situation where a guy left them right after having sex. (Or whatever other ego - gratification they needed) They liked them for their shell and threw them away afterwards. Going through that makes men seem very untrustworthy. I’m guessing that’s where that behaviour comes from. It’s such deep suspicion that you’re basically always on the lookout for what the other one needs from you or wants to get out of being with you. (I think this problem runs much deeper than that. In a sense ‘love’ is always tied to ‘getting something’ for most people. Maybe we just pick up on that immediately and get defensive. Non - neediness is probably the ultimate goal. But let’s not get into that now.) So to get these urges under control might be really hard but you’re probably gonna be a ‘one in a million’ kind of guy and lots of good things will come your way in return. Woman want sense of continuity, groundedness and direction, not only in sex but also in life. It’s just much clearer to see during sex initially. What you get in return is an ever giving heart and compassion that can heal you deeply. Of course, you need to be vulnerable enough yourself to receive those things. It all comes down to inner stability, a sense of centeredness that never goes away. A still, deep ocean, grounded in itself. Without that taking over your humbleness, openness and vulnerability of course. It’s a difficult line to walk, but it’s possible. It’s something you’ll become better and better at anyway if you do lots of personal development work. So in a sense you don’t have to worry about it. There’s no way you can fake that anyway.
  12. Ok, I have no idea how to describe what happened last night, I can only try to say what it felt like. It’s like free floating negativity was looking for a host, grabbing me to do it’s thing “through” me. Work it out. I felt like tense balls of dark energy were nesting in my left foot, left hip, lower belly, left shoulder and elbow. Out of NOWHERE After some time, they spread out, not being so dense anymore, covering pretty much all of the left side of my body (not my neck and face). My breath was super short at this point, no belly breathing but not only chest either. More like short exhales at the point where my ribs part. Later it felt like these parts were dying away, just getting less strong. I could still feel the left side of the body from the outside but not from the inside. Couldn’t really move it. Not a sudden death but fading/rotting away, going all dark. Then weird tingles all over these places, like when your limbs fall asleep, after some time. They started to form little deliberate moving forms, like small worms moving in imperfect circles, then there were some shots of electricity between those points. That felt super pleasant, almost orgasmic but I only noticed them shortly after they happened. At that point I fell asleep because I was so exhausted. Thank god someone was with me. I don’t know how long it all took? Maybe 1h? The weird thing is, I didn’t even feel too bad. I was in pain but it psychologically didn’t touch me. Yes, I was concerned to wake my neighbours but I could laugh through it most of the time. I was a bit scared/confused because I couldn’t let it ‘out’, I didn’t know how. It didn't feel like mine, I didn’t know what ‘it’ would do. And all that time there was nothing on my right side. I’m actually feeling really good/ calm/ in touch with myself lately, I still do. So my question is: What was that about? I literally feel like someone has/ should have done an exorcism on me. If it has anything to do with awakening? it didn’t feel like that energy was mine at all. If this was kundalini, isn’t it supposed to work through the spine? And leave you really energised? Thanks to anyone who can give me some guidance here. I just want to understand what is happening, please.
  13. @DrewNows I understand where you’re coming from but that just wouldn’t work. You have a fundamental connection to your parents, they birthed you. You’re loyal to them no matter what. It’s not always a good connection, but it’s a connection nevertheless. They’re not gonna accept a guru. Taking children away is the total opposite of moving towards love. They did that a lot years back (and still do). They saw that it didn’t work. Taking them away is/should be the very very last option you consider in case of emergency. Whenever you take people’s choice away there’s resistance anyway. And I’m not sure that there’s any greater pain than having your child taken away from you. Work with the parents, not against them. Raise their consciousness and help them to be mindful. They genuinely want the best for their children, they just don’t always know how. Lots of things they’re doing well. If you’re not willing to see that, you’ve lost them already. Raising children is a lot of work too. There’s a good chance you only have the endurance to do that for your own children. If you really want them to express love and creativity, you need to be present with them. One guru (or even many) is not gonna cut it. Also not sure if no contrast in human beings is what we’re looking for? Aren’t we here to experience what it means to be a separate human being? (I don’t know, just thinking out loud :D) I like to think that you need to develop fully as a human being first in order to let it all go again. And that means a secure background, knowing where you’re coming from. Imo taking children away from their family would probably leave both side in despair and would move everyone even further away from holism.
  14. I don't know. How could I? ;-) I'm just speaking from experience. You can trust your books if you want to. Obviously it takes more than a bit of humour and social skills to land a woman. I know you know but I'd say try for yourself. Put in the work and report back to us in 5 years. The moment you stop needing their approval is probably the moment they'll all come flying towards you. The energy of an authentic, developed, confident, loving man (or woman for that matter) is insane. It's like a magnetic pull you can't resist ;-) Works like magic. Maybe check out this post: All the best!
  15. @arlin @jbram2002 As far as I’m concerned, I don’t think you can separate looks and personality so easily. How you feel and think about the world and yourself reflects in the tone of your voice, your posture, if you make eye contact or not. Your outside reflects your inside. Not in what colour your hair is, but in the way you carry yourself. Nothing comes ‘first’. And even if, good looks might give you a slight advantage, but you can’t hide being boring, arrogant or a macho for long. I like to believe woman pick up on that in no time. Probably men do too. Also, we make out our mind about someone in a matter of milliseconds anyway. You can’t go about attraction ‘the wrong way’. It’s nothing you ‘decide’. (My theory, not truth) Well said! :-)