flume

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  1. @assx95 Feels like you lost touch with your own needs by trying to embody something you’re not. Most of us aren’t ready for the kind of unconditional love Leo is talking about lately. We must first develop ourselves, get in touch with our needs and ‘harden’ our boundaries before we can ‘soften’ them again. Become a mature, stable, grounded human being that knows itself very well. (Then, later, transcendence.) Guess what, even highly conscious people still have preferences on how to live their lives (where to live, what kind of relationship they want to be in, the kind of work that they want to do). They’re not doormats. You’re just begging to be mistreated with this attitude. How do you expect her to treat you with respect if you don’t even respect yourself? It’s also very unattractive to be available anytime. She either decides for or against you and then that’s it. There’s nothing enlightening about letting her ‘be as she is’ and thereby hurting yourself. The more loving thing to do would be to recognise when pain caused unnecessarily and putting an end to it. If you want an intimate relationship and she wants an open one, split up now. You’re simply incompatible, that’s it. It’s never gonna work and there’s no one to blame for it. (Teal Swan has a video on incompatibility. All her videos on relationships are probably great for you to watch.) Love is a process of extending yourself, of growth. So yes, you have to be willing to change. You’re not gonna be able to stay the same person. But that growth is always done in a loving way, not in a self-diminishing one. If he (or she) is disregarding his needs it’s emotional abuse that becomes more and more painful. This has nothing to do with selfishness. I see that kind of gaslighting way too much in spiritual communities. Creates scattered psyches imo. Boundaries are healthy, necessary and sexy! You’ll feel them more clearly when you develop and get to know yourself more. My guess is that you don’t like setting boundaries because you’re either a) afraid to be alone or b) because you don’t know yourself well enough to know what these boundaries are or c) you do know them but don’t respect yourself enough to own them because you think you should be different (or more ‘spiritual’) Why I set boundaries? Because it creates a safe space in which love can grow. Just like children grow and unfold in a stable and respectful environment so does romantic love. Paradoxically enough, limitations can create freedom.
  2. Losing someone you love to addiction might be the hardest thing I ever went through. And it’s been long enough. It breaks my heart to see how substance changes you and consumes every last bit of your being. There’s nothing left I can do for you at this point. I can’t make that decision for you. You’re drowning but I can’t save you. Kicking and screaming, our paths are not the same anymore. This is an act of letting go. I’m grieving even though you’re still alive. Ever since I can remember, you were the most important person in my life. And I’m losing you more and more everyday. And it’s ok. _______ Life is turbulent and wild. New work again, new people again, new passions, new car, finally making music again, so motivated to work on my career. Even daring to get back into dating. I’m really falling in love with life more everyday. Just the usual stuff is overwhelmingly beautiful, exciting, precious. So there are ups and downs. There are. Yet underneath all of this ‘I’ am fine. There’s a background to all of these experiences that just can’t be touched. And it’s growing everyday. It’s a background that doesn’t have any qualities. I can’t think about it, it has no colour or shape in my mind. Yet unmistakably it’s there. And there is peace inside of me, peace of knowing that every minute of everyday of my life I do the best I can with what I have. Always striving to become more of myself. Meditation is really staring to show some real effects in my life. I don’t know how I managed to live before, where every emotion seemed like the end of the world. Life is not happening to me, it’s happening for me. Even the bad stuff. I actually just realised that it’s been a long time since I’ve made the distinction between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things that are happening in my life. Life just is. And I’m working with it, there’s more and more moments of less and less resistance. Way to go!
  3. Back early because life gets in the way and also... I'm a bit weak sometimes
  4. @King Merk I actually got really fed up with meditation a while back. I found it boring as hell to sit down and it got to a point where I almost resented it. Then I allowed myself to just mentally let go of my rigid schedule. What do you know, just some days later I was meditating again, whenever I felt like it, about as much as I did before. Being at war with yourself is really just feeding the mind. It loves to make a problem out of everything. And it’s not like you’re just starting out, you won’t loose much just by going by your intuition for some weeks and see what happens. I actually read from a lot of people that powerful awakenings happened because they got a strong intuition to let go of their routines and everything that’s structuring their days. Schedules are in the mind. Intuitions connects you to being. Alternatively, maybe look up new kinds of mindfulness meditation. This path can be so messy, it’s not like anyone here can really tell you what to do. But wouldn’t it feel wrong not to go after that inkling? It’s really the only thing you’ve got. In the end, no one can show you the way but you. All the best!
  5. Good stuff! See you in a month peeps.
  6. @ivankiss Late to the party but I still wanted to share a few thoughts here. So many good answers already. You might enjoy reading ‘The Road Less Travelled’ by M. Scott Peck. It’s a beautiful book about love, about what it means to invest in people and what a deep commitment it is to decide on growing together. It might reframe your definition of love a bit (relationship-wise) and it can help to pick up on certain patterns in relationships that are very common. In a way I feel like wanting pure relationships means learning to be in this world again. Relationships are often messy and they require a lot of work. Notice if you’re just imagining some kind of ‘perfect’, effortless state of being together. As an act of love, for you and the other, exercise your masculine. Love is also moving on. Love is knowing when to let go. Even when your heart is breaking in the process… Lastly, no excuses for being who you truly are. Let your light shine bright. It might seem at times that there’s no one out there for you but… I don’t know… Trust. At least that’s what I’m trying to do. Take care!
  7. Not trying to offend you but a lot of what you’re writing here is reminding me of my younger self. Let’s see if this rings a bell: You’re often with guys that are somewhat depressed and have pretty low self esteem. They’re unusual, outcasts with some kind of unique world view which you find really interesting. They’re often a lot older than you (10+ years), you get in ‘too deep too quickly’, you open up all the way because you trust people a lot which got you in somewhat dangerous situations in the past but it was never too bad. You keep seeing the good sides of people even when they straight up use you for sex or something else. You like strong, big, melancholy guys that have a protector feel, a safe sanctuary a big, chaotic world. You think there’s something extremely special about you two and that no one sees the world the way you two do. I bet you love helping people, don’t u? You see where they’re ‘stuck’ in life and you wanna help them out. Cause even though those guys are a lot older than you, you secretly think you have a lot more life experience and you know just well what the other person would need. You see what the ‘next step’ is gonna be for them. You can’t wait to ‘get to work’ and introduce all kinds of concepts to them that would be good for them. You low key hope they’ll end up saying something like ‘Oh, if only I listened to you earlier’. You feel needed and it feels good, no? Well, you’re actually making those guys dependent on you while you think you’re helping them. You force them into their position. So you’re not really helping them to grow because if they would overcome all of these ‘problems’ eventually, you’ll dump them and get someone else because they don’t need you anymore. How would you feel being with a guy that is fine self esteem wise? That has his life more or less together? Can you handle not being needed? You just have a lot more growing to do. You’re ready for love when you don’t have a list of bullet points that need fixing about the other person. And when you can stand the thought that another person doesn’t really need you. As long as you don’t make this part conscious, you’ll keep attracting those weird kinds of guys.
  8. (30/10/19) It’s hard and boring to keep up practices when it feels like you’re plateauing. I might have reached my edge in how much I can do in a day and nothing much is happening anymore. Law of diminishing returns might be a thing even in personal development. Maybe that’s why I’m suddenly interested in psychedelics. Don’t get me wrong, I still love learning, more than ever at the moment. I’m all over my books and all that good stuff. Just in my personal journey it seems like nothing much is changing about my level of mindfulness, gratitude… Doing more doesn’t really lead to more results. At some point it won’t anymore. I’m stuck. I’m bored. Those newbie gains were awesome. I felt like a totally different person almost everyday.
  9. @Bill W That's the outcome if you allow crazy french dudes produce movies The funny thing is, the movie is actually about a LSD - trip. If you haven't watched it, I don't recommend
  10. Thank you for writing this. I'm sometimes overwhelmed by how there's so many people on this planet and they're all different. I used to get annoyed, now I'm in awe. I feel like we were all gifted a tool and we're learning to use it. You're given the limit of time, explore it. You're given your body, respect it. You're given your mind, enjoy it. And truth will take care of itself.
  11. @Cody_Atzori If it seems like a task, don’t do it. It’s not gonna stick anyway if you have to force yourself. If you believe in spiral dynamics, then maybe you’re just not ready for yellow yet? You can’t force yourself to study something just because it would make you someone you desire to be. You do it because you love it, or you don’t. There’s no end goal of ‘finally being done studying perspectives’. You do it because it’s enjoyable to gather knowledge. It’s a way of life. You can’t fake genuine interest. If you are interested and you’re just not into reading that much then maybe try a different angle: Take 20 people closest to you, ask yourself what their perspective on life and death is, how they view the world. Ask them questions about why they think they’re alive. There’s 7 billion perspectives out there. Start with your neighbour, go from there. You’re meeting many new people everyday. You’ll never run out of things to observe.
  12. @7thLetter Maybe you’re just craving some connection, which is human. Don’t overcomplicate things. Maybe you see a possibility for connection that you’re not using and it makes you sad. Sometimes being with another person grows you more than being alone. Other people can challenge you immensely, you don’t need to be in solitude for growth to happen. Sometimes maybe, but sometimes not. What good is all of this work if at the end of the day you can’t share it with anyone? I think there’s something inside of us that just wants to share. And sooner or later that need always comes back. Just because you’re not doing pickup anymore doesn’t mean you’ve outgrown the need for human connection. Maybe you’re coming to the whole idea of dating from a different perspective this time? (Just my two cents, not sure if I’m in the right ballpark) How are you viewing woman now compared to ‘then’? What is it that would really make you happy with this girl? Talking? Sex? The fact that you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? These are all indicating very different things.
  13. My thoughts when I'm trying to meditate be like...