flume

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About flume

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  • Birthday 04/02/1995

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    Austria
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    Female

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  1. Thanks, that was my cue for finally purchasing it!
  2. I’ve been progressively feeling better and better over the past year, which led me to becoming hyper creative and interested in music again. While that’s a good thing in general, it also makes that I’m all over the place sometimes. Creativity is such a beautiful, unpredictable, overwhelming force… I find it more and more difficult to stick to a schedule, which is sort of getting exhausting. Inspiration usually strikes like lightning, telling me exactly what to do. I sometimes don’t touch the piano for weeks, sometimes I play for an entire week. Same with so many things… I also started dancing a few weeks ago. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to dance, but I (for some reason) always thought I was too old to start. Not sure if anything ever felt so fulfilling, honestly… Almost makes me cry. When I dance, I’m at the center of the universe. Makes my heart wanna jump out. How could I have not allowed myself to dance!? Talk about sneaky limiting believes… So hobbies and projects are just stacking up it seems, not refining. I decided on redoing the life purpose course, hoping it will help me sort some things out in this regard. Then again, maybe I’m constructing a problem where there isn’t any. It’s not like anyone is pressuring me to find my ‘one thing’. I think I have to grant myself some more years of exploration before that. Besides, I love my job, so I have no intention of getting out of there any time soon. Why not just do what I love in my free time and see if anything crystallises over time? Maybe I don’t have to go about all this in such a masculine way. I totally agree with the LP course for example, but it seems to me that there’s a part of me that isn’t ready or made for... linear processes?
  3. I recently thought about starting a YouTube channel and vlogging. What I sometimes really miss in the youtube space are people that are showing what the everyday life of someone who’s into personal and spiritual development, life purpose, etc. looks like. There’s loads of information about the ‘how’ and the ‘why’, but not much personal material, where you get to see into peoples lives: how they’re dealing with new ideas, routines, integrating insights, backlashes, their own psychologies, making decisions etc. That’s why I enjoy reading some journals here so much. It’s so relatable. I bet I’d have loads of interesting things to say. I’ve come quite a long way in my development and more and more I feel the impulse to share these insights beyond my circle of friends. Off the top of my head I could come up with at least 20 different things I’d love to share… I’d probably never run out of material. I also love videography and I know a thing or two about editing. Could get interesting… A part of me really cringes thinking about that though. Me going public? That’s never gonna happen. All my life I wanted nothing more than to be completely anonymous and not having anything linked to my name. I used to just orbit situations I found myself in, I never committed and stood up wholeheartedly for something outside of me. In fact, a big part of growing up for me is choosing to be “with life” all the way. Whether it’s a work place, a place to live or a relationship: Commitment was never easy or me. And yet, surprisingly, it’s become super fulfilling the past years to commit anyways and see where it goes. It’s way more pleasurable to live like this…. Having all your options open often just creates anxiety. I seemed to find a way to balance outer commitments with an inner autonomy that makes my life feel very spacious, even in the most 'confined' situations.
  4. I’ll reply here but it also kind of links to your narcissist thread. Here are some of my thoughts: Finding a great partner is a fine balancing act between having standards and not being unapproachable at the same time. What you’re asking in this thread is top-notch. I’m not saying lower your standards, but I will say that you need to offer a lot in return and cultivate the worthiness to even receive a man like this. Also, if you’re overly sceptical and basically expect them to disappoint you, you’ll find something wrong with them no matter what. You’ll find a reason to ditch every guy, even if they’re actually great. Again, worthiness frees you of these games. So I’m suggesting: Down with the defensiveness, up with the self worth, and all of this will work out. Balance your boundaries with a warm, open heart. Let men surprise you There are many great men out there! Best solution i’ve found so far: Work on embodying all these values yourself and let them come to you But that’s just general advice, I think the requirements you mentioned have more to do with your fear of attracting more narcissistic personalities. If I were you I’d ask myself honestly why men like that even make it into your life. Are there unresolved traumas, limiting beliefs or co-dependency issues lingering inside? What makes you different from a friend that is attracting great guys? You’ll have to dig these things up at some point, so better invest in therapy and books now. These things are not getting resolved by another forum post. And no great guy will ever fix these things for you. Even if he meets all your requirements, you’ll still push him away. He can’t safe you, only you can. (I know it’s kinda crushing the feminine dream of being rescued but it’s also true. No guy will ever love you the way you want them to. Only you can.) No one will stand up for your boundaries but you. No need to look for the perfect man for now, turn inwards and build a good relationship with yourself. Accept that you keep loosing yourself in other people because you don't know yourself yet. Focus on anything that ups your value in your eyes and whatever is making you love and trust yourself more. Take some time off dating and learn to really trust your feminine feelings again, they’re usually on point Also look into attachment styles if you find the time, that’s valuable stuff. I also recommend you start wording things differently. Instead of saying ‘I attract narcissists’ you could say ‘I seem to be attracted to them”. This puts you in a more active role, not a passive one. It’s just attraction, you still have a choice. All the best for your journey! Seems like you’re having a rough time. Much love!
  5. There goes our Patreon money Kidding, I wish you all the best Leo. I'm sure she'll be a gem. The picture is splendid!
  6. A sentence I live by lately: “Just don’t decide where it ends.”
  7. Matt Kahn once said that Truth is a staircase, where every revelation leads you to an even bigger one. That you'll wake up out of every realisation you've ever had and that the only thing that matters is that you keep going. An insight is useful for the moment you had it, then it's already integrating to prepare you for the next one. If you cling, defend and hold on, something that has previously set you free now becomes your next prison. Keep going my friend. I enjoy reading your spacey journal. All the love!
  8. Awesome idea! Looks delicious, thanks for the tag Oh man, I'm currently in quarantine, which means I have loads of time on my hands and many amazing ideas for new recipes. Get ready, I'm feeling inspired to share some stuff. Shall we make a thread together? Or can we merge threads @Michael569? What do you guys think? Would be cool to have them all in one place. I thought you guys just eat your sheep?
  9. For me it was a process of learning where behaviour comes from. If you learn about conditioning and the different dynamics that are going on in a humans mind, you start taking things less personally. Psychotherapy, reading up on psychology, meditating, introspecting, journaling... All of these things helped. At some point you just see how nothing's really anyones fault and how moments of difficulty usually thrust you into a whole new chapter of being in your life. So who's to say if something is really all that 'bad'? If you wanna go deeper, I can recommend taking MDMA with someone you really trust. It's a great tool to work with around deeper wounds and the process of healing them. I hear Leos episode on it is resonating with a lot of people, but I haven't checked that one out yet. Hope this helps. All the best!
  10. I'll shoot you a PM ok? To not derail the post.
  11. Getting payed for a job that really fulfils you Forgiving people that hurt you Ending self judgment Having close friendships that actually feel good Unconditional love Leo
  12. Sounds interesting! Any good resources to share for some who wants to get into it?
  13. Would make sense, right? Speaking multiple languages broadens your horizon by exposing you to more cultures (at least on paper, but ideally also in person). You can connect and exchange ideas with more people, which makes yellow thinking more likely. You also feel how your way of thinking shifts when using a different language, so you start wondering how language shapes your reality. I feel like languages bring out slightly different personalities in people, so you might even gain more perspective on yourself as a person. There’s definitely a correlation of people being more open minded in countries where you’re expected to speak multiple languages. If it's not stressed, people tend to look less beyond their own understanding of the world.
  14. It makes me so happy when people embody their countries stereotype so well
  15. These feelings usually only become more as time goes on. For how many years have you had these thoughts? Considering you wrote a post like this 2 years ago... Also, she's not supporting you, small talk… For how many red flags are you waiting? You don't need more patience. You don’t even really need advice. If you read your own post carefully, you already know what to do. What you need is a good portion of courage. There you go: (I put some in the free space for you to grab whenever you're ready to take it) Don’t do some spiritual gymnastics to proof how evolved you are by staying with someone when it doesn't make you happy. People mesh together spirituality and intimate relationships, usually not a great idea. If you want a fulfilling relationship, be on the same page. @loub Sorry honey