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About blankisomeone

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  1. there’s some stuff I’ve done that is clearly in my field of awareness, I’m looking at it, but I am disgusted with myself, walking around with black shadows, fear of judgement and abandonment that I deal with just by pretending that it doesn’t exist me:
  2. I want the NO BULLSHIT explanation of what really happens after suicide. Is such information possible to find? Or is doing it the only way to find out. I've scoured the web and don't find anything!! All I get is modern mental health professionals talking shit. I want the actual spiritual explanations of what happens I’d like it if you could share with me some stuff online from mystics talking about this. Many different sources so I can compare and see if there’s some truth in what they say and some common thread. I need to research more before I make a decision so if you guys could help I’d much appreciate it, thanks
  3. Of course you’re depressed and suicidal, you live in freaking Algeria.. if there’s anyone living in Algeria and is happy then either they’re in some deep form of denial or they’ve attained some spiritual dimension that i don’t know of
  4. Let us know how it works out for you
  5. spiritual/psychological perspective: dsfsndfkjsd i hav it too to some degree
  6. “My (our) problems are way too complex and way too dependable on unknown aspects for me to have any effective personal agency over surmounting them.” I believe it 97% right now. This belief contributes to my depression. It makes me want to lie back, stare at the ceiling and give up. How am I wrong in holding this belief? Challenge me.
  7. I really enjoyed my 2 therapy sessions. It seems like my therapist knows what he’s doing. He’s helped many people, he has experience. And he is religious so he’s not afraid of using the word God or Love, which I think is actually pretty nice. He guided me through a painful past memory of mine and I felt better afterwards. He really tuned in to the anger I was feeling at the moment. only problem is I’m meeting with him only twice a month. I need a HELL of a lot more meetings than that! I don’t think twice a month is enough at all. Better than nothing, but still... not enough. I have TOO MUCH to say, to express and to understand and to learn. Meeting only twice a month for 1 and a half hour each session is laughable The ideal? 3 hours daily of intense work. Keep dreaming though🤣
  8. No, the shit show probably goes on forever. Non existence is not possible unfortunately
  9. Idk why I said idk what that was all about. It was clear what that was all about: I needed to wake the hell up from my suicidal impulses. The other characters in the dream were shaking me violently and I woke up from that nap feeling on my actual skin as if I’d really been slapped (which *really* happened for anyone who understands that there’s no difference between right now and a nightly dream) Suicide is just one of my destinies. I know I can choose out of it even though sometimes it feels like a gravitational pull and I’m even overtaken by curiosity about experiencing first hand what happens (but like I said, the finality of the decision is really terrifying; and it does feel wrong and dirty to have so much anger towards my own self. Suicide is just wrong, period. It’s mechanical and driven by anger. It’s just very twisty)
  10. Ok fuck it I’m gonna try this i remember u recommended it to me twice before but I overlooked it i have some prejudice regarding how that website looks because it looks too happy and positive and I am positivity averse (: but ok I’ll try it
  11. Yup. Terrifying.
  12. Nothing much. I did 3 psychedelic trips, first one was great. Second and third one my depression and loneliness and twisted thinking were amplified and the experience was not pleasant. Not willing to do it again anytime soon!!! I had 2 therapy sessions but they’r hella expensive, don’t know for how much longer I can keep that going im workin on cognitive therapy. Learning about cognitive distortions. Therapist says I need to have this down cuz it’s first step in the healing journey. I’m also trying inner child work but that’s not working well.. I just can’t seem to get it right butttttt idkk if this is the right path. Idk what I’m doing
  13. teal swan talks about the law of mirroring and how it gets carried over. Like if/when I kill myself, all of my darkness will get reflected back at me and it will be hellish i was going thru lots of stress at work once and was seriously thinking of ending it but decided to take a nap instead and I had a horrible dream which felt too real of me walking aimlessly in the street and then some people slapping me and shaking me to wake the fuck up idk what that was all about and to a certain extent I’m almost curious now what happens to be honest. But the finality of such an act, the not being able to undo it is very very very very very very terrifying im feeling too alone and idk if it’s fixable anymore today was also stressful at work and I just did some crying in bed my chest hurts like I’m on the verge of a heart attack and I’m only 23 (: