flume

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  1. Sweet and to the point :-) Best overall applicable advice I've ever read, haha. Good stuff Roy! Mindfulness meditation would be my advice. Also read some stoic literature :-)
  2. 2g Mushroom Trip Report During the come up I tried meditating a bit and had great awareness of my body, especially my digestive track. I felt how sensitive and soft it is and how important it is to eat slowly in order to aid digestion. As the energy that was moving through me became more gripping I constantly had to open my mouth (literally and metaphorically). It was like the energy in my body couldn’t flow properly and execute all its functions if I’m not speaking my truth to the world. Holding back is actually really hurting me and disrupting my energy system. So far so good. If it stayed at this level I guess I could have worked on a ton of personal stuff in a comfortable, aware way. But that was only the come up. I felt a lot more coming and I was unable to keep on meditating. I felt uncomfortable being trapped in those endless loops of starting something and then forgetting. The only thing I could think was ‘All of this only makes sense outside’. So I went into the woods. As soon I was outside a few minutes it’s like my whole brain unhooked from everything I ever knew and I was completely lost. I forgot everything. I didn’t know how old I was, how I got here, I forgot my family, my job etc. I only remembered that I was on a mission to find out what’s true. Everywhere I turned, visuals were trying to pull me in but I knew they’re distractions. I wanna know what’s underneath all of experience. I pulled out my phone and I somehow remembered that I wanted to listen to this guided inquiry of this guy who’s name I have forgotten (LOL, sorry Leo!) This was the end of me. There’s just no way to utter how it felt to not find myself. Everything was foreign, I felt completely alone, nothing felt like home, not the woods, not my body, not my mind. Every question I’ve ever asked myself seemed useless if I can’t answer who I am first. I just couldn’t get to the bottom of it. I was lost. “I don’t exist” was the only conclusion I could come up with. Yet what is happening right now? A complete paradox. I need to find myself. I tried everything to find the ‘I’ inside, cold showers to activate my senses, my ego… But nothing worked. I knew I had to give up, but that didn’t work either. I was completely and utterly defeated. No moment of ecstasy, just terror and defeat. I realised that every problem I have in life comes down to me thinking that I exist and me trying to fill the void of non-existence with food, relationships, etc. It never works because I’m trying to reinforce an illusion. Self acceptance doesn’t work because it implies that you exist.
  3. Trying Mescaline For The First Time (Trip Report) This was my fourth trip ever. I consumed about 20g of dried San Pedro (powder) and tripped through the night (about 12 hours) Very smooth coming up and after about 2 hours a felt the waves of it enter my consciousness. First thing I realised was how much I’m denying myself the little pleasure of life like candy or just spending time on my phone. If I’m doing it anyway, why not enjoy it? It’s like I have this constant pressure of being perfect that makes me not enjoy anything anymore. Working on it though... I also suddenly really appreciated my imperfect, sober, limited mind when I’m trying to figure out my life. Here I am, waiting for this God-consciousness to give me all the answers but I never considered what a special gift my own perspective is. I actually scrolled through the forum a bit, being amazed at how beautiful it is that we all see things differently and how boring it would be if we all had all the answers. Every point of view is totally valid. There’s no perfect way to do things anyway. How freeing :-) Imperfections are what are keeping us all together. Make peace with your own imperfections. Your perspective is totally valid. Some other random insights: Creativity = Daring to be your own self. Why is the psychedelic realm so weird? Because we don’t really know ourselves yet. What is ego inside of me? That thing that wants to get rid of ego. Why do people find it difficult to accept themselves? Because they think they have a past and a future. What is organic farming? Letting plants be how plants are. What is conventional farming? Making plants how humans want them to be. And more personal stuff that wouldn’t be that relevant here I think. I decided to take more at that point but that made my stomach hurt so bad for about 3 hours that I could barely focus on anything else. I was caught in a bit of a middle state, not really tripping, not sober either. I would have needed more for a deep trip but there was no way I was gonna eat any more of that bitter stuff. All in all I think mescaline is a smooth ride, very calming and not as confusing and in-your-face as LSD for example. It’s like you can choose how deep you want to go and if you need a break, you can get ‘out’ anytime. Gentle on the mind, harsh on the stomach I doubt I’ll ever take it again though. I like the clarity of other psychedelics more and the stomach ache just isn’t worth it for me.
  4. It's been a minute since posting on here. If anyone's still reading this - Hi! A lot has happened the past months. Overall, life is good. Just finished the life purpose course and I'm feeling extra good and motivated now that I finally know what direction I want to take my career into. Things are turning out in ways I would have never expected. And I only just got started. Good stuff Also upped my meditation quite a bit. Now going 45min in one go on most days. Lots of moments where I'm spontaneously dropping into the now throughout the day... More and more I'm realising in my direct experience that this work is where I should put most of my time into. Meditation changed my life in such a profound way. I'm feeling more and more like myself... Other than that, I don't know if I'll ever get over my binge eating tendencies and body image issues. At this point it feels like I've literally tried anything. In therapy again... Doesn't particularly help but at least it doesn't get worse. So sick of it, it's almost laughable. For the rest, going through the usual loops, the ups and downs, trying stuff, overdoing stuff, backlashes, feeling lost, huge steps forward... There's nothing in existence that shouldn't be there I guess Feeling called to share 2 trip reports from this weekend.
  5. @Preety_India Hi Preety. I'd recommend checking out Susan Cains book 'Quiet - The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking'. It will answer quite a few of your questions regarding your introversion. Ultimately, don't worry about it for now. Don't get lost in the 'if' and 'when', just continue the course, your questions will solve themselves along the way. All the best:-)
  6. @F A B Hi! I think this video explains it pretty well: www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFsZR9N03Dk& This guys channel might have some good advice for you in general. As a woman, I can definitely see now why some men are just more attractive than others Enjoy!
  7. @John Iverson Definitely learn from your mom while you’re still at home :-) I live by myself and I do a little bit of tidying and cleaning everyday so it’s never overwhelming. You could ask your mom how often she roughly cleans and make some kind of loose schedule to begin with. Also, reframe housework as something positive :-) This video has great advice on that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsJiznzUJGM Alternatively, you could listen to podcasts or ebooks while cleaning to make it a bit more interesting. It’s just part of growing up, I’m sure you’ll manage :-)
  8. Did you find that out by yourself or did someone tell you? Also, didn’t you want to make more mistakes?😉
  9. @JessiChell Once you’ve realised yourself as love, you’ll do whatever is raising love and consciousness the most in any given moment. It could be any of the things above, or something completely different. No need to worry about it now, once you’re there, you’ll know. It’s a great book. Helped me a lot when I first read it. Try the exercises and see how you feel. Completely normal to have resistance to these things. Try and make it playful😊 PS: Even enlightened people have thoughts😉 PPS: Enlightenment makes none of your problems go away. It just takes your problem with problems away. PPPS: Thoughts are a great tool to help you make decisions. Why discard them when they’re helpful? 😊
  10. Resisting resistance "He who resists not at all will never surrender."
  11. Did you find that out by yourself or did someone tell you?
  12. Thanks @Osaid for commenting. I didn't know the confusion video yet. That's perfect! @Nahm I really appreciate your response. I've read it many times already and I'll come back to it more. It shifted something different every time. I especially had to laugh at "That's a thought, not a life" Almost a week later, everything's different of course. When I let 'reality' in (or some of the things you've said for example) I immediately feel like I'm on the other side of 'it'. Feeling terrible and feeling reality's love are not opposites, all of a sudden they're just next to each other and I can step in and out of them from one moment to the next. My life is becoming a paradox. My mind just isn't very comfortable with this big sea of not-knowing. So it keeps turning in circles and I get really exhausted sometimes. @Preety_India I think that's no longer necessary, thanks for your concern though
  13. When I first started meditating it felt like a nice, somewhat steady upward progression. I built good habits and slowly felt more content and present. I always trusted the process. But now it feels like there’s no ground at all to stand on. I’m just hit out of nowhere by this confusion that totally robs me of energy and makes me doubt every decision I make. It feels like standing in front of a wall and there’s no way around it. Have I been doing meditation all wrong? What’s the next step? I just don’t know anymore. Everything suddenly feels so paradox and uncertain. In these times of contraction it feels like I’ve been taking 100 steps back. And suddenly I’m crazy identified with my thoughts again. I sometimes wish I would have never known what God is, so I wouldn’t know what’s possible. I know how much good I could do in the world if only I wasn’t so focused on my own bubble all the time… Yet that’s all I’m doing… I’m feeling further away from God than ever. And I’m so disappointed in myself for it. This makes me slip into some bad habits that are just so painful to go through… And I’m judging myself even more harshly for it. My life is a guilt trip from the moment I wake up to when I go to bed. Which is kind of the opposite of what all of this should be about. I’m in a maze. I wish I could stop hurting myself. And I wish I wouldn’t have to be myself anymore. My life is all rainbows on the outside but on the inside I’m falling apart. This has been going on for weeks and it’s becoming very exhausting. And the thought that I’m doing this all to myself and that I don’t see the (probably obvious) way out just makes me even more frustrated. I’m stuck in a downwards spiral. Help.
  14. Time for an update :-) All from "Walking" “I think I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that- sauntering through the woods and over the hills, absolutely free from all worldly engagements.” “When a traveller asked Wordsworth’s servant to show him her master’s study, she answered, ‘Here is his library, but his study is out of doors’.” “An absolutely new prospect is a great happiness, and I can still get this any afternoon.” “Man and his affairs, church and state and school, trade and commerce, and manufactures and agriculture, even politics, the most alarming of them all, - I am pleased to see how little space they occupy in the landscape.” “To enjoy a thing exclusively is commonly to exclude yourself from the true enjoyment of it.” “I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.” “The West of which I speak is but another name for the Wild; and what I have been preparing to say is, that in Wildness is the preservation of the world. Every tree sends its fibres forth in search of the Wild. (…) From the forest and wilderness come the tonics and barks which brace mankind.” “Give me a wildness whose glance no civilisation can endure.” “In Literature it is only the Wild that attracts us. Dulness is but another name for tameness.” “Here is this vast, savage, howling mother of ours, Nature, lying all around, with such beauty, and such affection for her children, as the leopard; and yet we are so early weaned from her breast to society, to that culture which is exclusively an interaction of man on man, - a sort of breeding in and in, which produces at most a merely English nobility, a civilisation destined to have a speedy limit.” “Not even does the moon shine every night, but gives place to darkness.” “We may study the laws of matter at and for our convenience, but a successful life knows no law.” “Nature is a personality so vast and universal that we have never seen one of her features.” “Above all, we cannot afford not to live in the present. He is blessed over all mortals who loses no moment of the passing life in remembering the past. Unless our philosophy hears the cock crow in every barn-yard within our horizon, it is belated.” “So we shall walk toward the Holy Land, till one day the sun shall shine more brightly than ever he has done, shall perchance shine into our minds and hearts, and light up our whole lives with a great awakening light, as warm and serene and golden as on a bank-side in autumn.”
  15. Humans are living far too removed from the reality of sourcing their own food that they end up debating about things they have no idea about on the internet. This wasn’t up for discussion 100 years ago. Not because of lacking moral development but because the question answers itself if you work to produce your own food everyday. Take care of a garden and a few animals and you’ll soon find that life and death is not as clearly defined as you thought it was. You’re not above one another, you’re both serving something higher by taking care of one another. Of course factory farming is horrific. It’s the epitome of unconsciousness. Yet the act of sourcing animal products in itself isn’t the problem, unconsciousness is the problem.