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About Wisebaxter

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  • Birthday 04/08/1980

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    Brighton, England, UK
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  1. @Keyhole Your goddamn right, talk about red flags eh? It's amazing what we can turn a blind eye too isn't it, when we're really attracted to someone. When I first went to her place she told me how much of a 'pussy' Tim was because he couldn't chop wood properly, and gave me an axe so I could demonstrate my masculinity. I'd never done it before but luckily I cut through that log like butter and she fucking loved it lol. I think it came from having watched Arnie do it so many times in the film Commando She also sent me a text she'd wanted to send Tim and didn't, and man the things she was saying... she called him a 'pasty fucking f*g' and accused him of not being man enough to handle a feisty woman like her. She said 'you couldn't even handle me on top of you in bed and stay properly hard' and she was also upset about the fact that he couldn't finish inside her and could only ejaculate by jerking himself off afterwards and busting a nut straight in her face haha. Ok I could see her point on that one. She said it was really degrading. The whole situation was just insane. Glad it's over now. I'm done with sleeping around for a while. Screw all that. Especially these dating apps. All the women on them are frigging nuts.
  2. @assx95 You have really good insight into all this stuff. It's interesting how you keep outlining the stuff that's been on my mind but in more detail, helping me make sense of it. I've been thinking about how I intentionally ruin these situations, almost in a subconscious fashion, as really I want that freedom back. Yeah I'm shit at the whole counter intuitive thing. I can keep it going for a while but eventually it just falls through. I have a feeling that if I could use this rule in my life in general I'd have an easier time of things. But those well trodden pathways just get me every time.
  3. @assx95 I mentioned to her that she may be an avoidant and she got so pissed haha. You see she's always saying how the men in her life are avoidants. It's kind of the concept she falls back on to justify her failed romances. So her response to me was 'what? I'm an avoidant? Just because I'm not in love with you after seeing you once!' Basically I'd just told her I was quite into her again and everything then went wrong. I attempted to turn the tables on her and get back my power by cancelling our next meeting, saying' I just don't want to get hurt. I thought by rejecting her she'd warm to me more but it just annoyed her and made me look even more lame, as really I was cancelling as I liked her too much. I don't know what I was thinking really. I tried to apologise the next day but it was too late, I was blocked. Damn. I quite liked her too. Oh well, she would have been a bit of a nightmare. Always moaning about her exes. When I first entered her during sex she said 'you're much bigger than Tim.' Ok, so it was a compliment, but still pretty fucked up. So I had a lucky escape. I would have loved to have slept with her again though man.... thats the thing that kills me the most. I had it all lined up, sex with a hot babe, and I blew it like a schoolboy. That's what beauty does to me. I stop thinking straight and acting cool. I was really into her. But probably only superficially. More lust than anything else I'm sure. Thanks for all your help. I hope you manage to get some resolution with your situation. Sounds tough.
  4. @assx95 I know how that feels, when you feel desperate enough to start trying things out to see what works. You stop being yourself too. I tried that with this girl, the sexual texts, but she wasn't biting. She just saw it as me being full on and drooling over her too much. I've also discovered that excessive compliments don't work. She says she finds them difficult to accept. This makes sense, as most people don't love themselves enough to receive compliments well. You mean you told her what she was up to with her life and she appreciated it? Good job. The way I see it is, if you can become an asset and help them in some way, they'll keep you around and warm to you. This is good advice. I need to just be her friend and play it cool. I've started doing that now. I've told her I'm going to back off and just give her advice, I won't assume anything. I said I'll be fine with whatever happens and there's no pressure, that I understand she's still cut up about her ex. This worked a charm as tonight she was really warm again and seemed really keen. The way I see it is, don't pressure them. Let them know how you feel, don't apologise for it and tell them you're cool with whatever. You just want them to be happy etc. Of course try and mean it to it's a powerful way I've found of living life. Just unconditional love. As soon as you give them space, they're able to start being intrigued by you again. Yes, this is something I've considered, that you can never know someone's true motivations. She might just be looking for a distraction. Always good to guard your heart a bit. Or perhaps just go for it anyway. I'm undecided. Something inside me wants to just open the floodgates of love and experience it, even if it is in my own head I'll have to keep it a secret though and keep a cool head for now. I don't mind it going wrong anyway, I'll just love that when it happens. I'm going to try and match her level of commitment for now and mirror her language. No more calling her 'sweetness.' So the definition of this approach is 'mindful (of where she's at), loving and accepting (of any outcome).' When you can see the benefit of not getting what you want, you don't over-try. I'm learning this as I go
  5. @DrewNows Thanks man, I'll follow your advice and do that. It's so typical, a few days ago, just after sleeping with her I suddenly became afraid of commitment and tried to brush her off. She was in tears over the phone, almost pleading me to reconsider. Now I warm to her and she goes in the opposite direction. Well, I did go from cold to hot quite drastically, probably confused her a bit. It's weird how I just couldn't help myself. It's like my feelings were begging to be known, or there was this yearning for reciprocation. I listened to a load of Bob Dylan tunes and got all carried away by the idea I was 'falling in love' and feeling satisfied that I could still do it. It was maybe all a big self deception though, or a manipulation so I could experience those old feelings again. I mean I don't even know the girl. Known her less than a week. I was prone to this when I was younger but it hasn't happened in a while. I think it's beauty man, it puts a spell on me. I just want to be close to it. The sex was the thing that did it. Perhaps it's just plain old lust at work. I know how intoxicating that can be. I've just never been with a girl that's this hot, it's fucked me up. The woman I slept with before her had hair on her back.
  6. Ok I think I fucked it up. She told me she's been feeling pressured. I told her I have no expectations and I'll just back off and be her friend for now. This reaction may have saved it a bit. I can't believe I made such a schoolboy error. Saying that, she did sleep with me, so it's a bit confusing. To be honest I think she just wanted sex. That and she likes having someone to speak to about her ex. Anyway It's fine, I told her I'd go back to a healing role. I'm fine with whatever happens. I told her my love is unconditional anyway. Feel that baby, straight from the heart, that sucker's wide open.
  7. Or you could date people who aren't Self Actualized and help to elevate them up If we all give leg ups like that then humanity will climb the spiral faster. Of course you don't want anyone too neurotic or dysfunctional...
  8. @NoSelfSelf I'll be happy to join your community and donate my seed when I manage to claw my way out of the bottom level of Maslow's triangle lol. I'm planning on skipping the middle levels and seeing if I can go straight for the top one, transcendence
  9. I know how you feel dude. I'm fine at keeping women interested when I'm not into them, but as soon as I am I get really soppy and I can feel them slipping away. Its a tough dynamic. I'm working through this issue myself at the moment with the woman I'm seeing and just posted a very similar question. I'm not used to being this into someone you see. What my gut tells me is to pay attention to what she says so I can gauge where she's at mentally and emotionally and modify my behaviour to have a win/win scenario. The facts are, sometimes one person falls quicker, so the key is to develop enough emotional maturity to consider her needs and not say or do anything that could trigger her flight reflex. Always be a gentleman and respond to her. If she backs off a bit, you back off a bit too. Maybe wait for her to text. Keep the pet names like 'hunny, gorgeous, sexy' down to a minimum, unless she uses them first. It's a bit contrived but do what good sales people do and mirror her. Best way I think. Every now and again you can test the water a bit, but be careful. If you sense any coldness then lay off and don't get offended due to it and then become insecure. Don't say stuff like 'I shouldn't have said that. Do you still like me?' Just be cool and ease off the throttle. You got this. Do what @hamedsf recommended too and be detached from the outcome. Remember, you win either way, because everything that happens is orchestrated by the universe for your evolution. Also remember, you can set your own intention, being the divine authority that you are. Intend to be loving and accepting of whatever happens. Your main issue is fear of loss. But turn every loss into a potential gain. Another lesson to be learned and an opportunity to be unconditionally loving towards yourself and another regardless of outcomes. Here's another method. Obsessively learn all of Matt Kahn's material and become a spiritual healer. Your shadow will become integrated as fuck along the way too and your ego will subside enough for you to really be able to step outside of your own needs and insecurities. Do a load of psychedlics if you need to, for some deep spiritual gainz (if you haven't already). Then you can become a woman's spiritual healer and she'll need YOU. Not in a manipulative sense, it's just good to be able to offer something that she can only get from you. Every other guy has a schlong and some witty banter. Try and have a unique selling point or two. Consume all of Leo's stuff obviously, read tons, become a spiritual and intellectual badass. That will help with the neediness in general and make you an asset and sexy as hell. The girl I'm seeing now told me she's never met a guy like me, I'm assuming because most men are pretty basic, watch a bit of TV, drink beer with their buddies, watch the game etc. They're also very selfish and unable to engage with a women on an emotional level seeing as they're dominated by masculine energy. So even if I'm a bit soppy with her, she'll stick around as women LOVE a man with a good mind who can really listen to her and empathise. Listening is key. As long as she's getting something from you, learning something or having her emotional needs met, you're a commodity. Be so good they can't ignore you. Learn how to eat pussy like a champ too. Of course you're probably on the case with all of this already, just wanted to throw it out there though. I wouldn't have snagged this girl if it hadn't been for my ability to help her with some of her issues. I have fuck all else going for me haha. I'm unemployed and smoke a shit ton of weed all day.
  10. Ok, so I only ever meet women I'm not that smitten by, so it's easy to play it cool and not care if it falls through. Of course when that's the case I can't help feeling you're generally more desirable. I mean, when someone knows they've got you, perhaps they lose a bit of interest. So anyway, now I've met a girl that I'm swooning for quite a bit and I'm out of my comfort zone because of it. We've already slept together and she's told me she's seeing me exclusively (although not as a couple). I've only seen her the once though, so it's very early stages. As I can feel my heart opening I can also feel myself needing it too much. I told her yesterday that I'm smitten with her (whaaaaaaat!) which is so not like me. My common sense was yelling at me not to say that but I said it anyway. She seemed to appreciate it but said she finds it hard to take compliments and affection, to trust etc. She asked me to be patient with her. I'm totally willing to do that, but in the meantime, should I hold off from being too keen with my language, telling her I like her etc? I'm even stressing about how often I should text her during the day. I feel at a disadvantage now, like I've played my hand to early. But I'm just being real with her. How do I make a girl like this fall for me? I don't want to scare her off but I don't want to be aloof either. What a tightrope. I'm not used to this whole courting thing. This woman is keeping me at more of a distance than I'm used to and she's not buttering me up with sugary words and sentiments, going full force like a lot of women do. I'd say she's somewhat aloof. It's very refreshing actually, and more real. I mean we hardly known each other after all.
  11. @Western Buddha Start watching Matt Kahn's YouTube videos and buy his two books. Realise that everything is here to help you. Embrace your anger, accept it, listen to it. Underneath it there's just good old fashion pain and vulnerability. Whatever you do don't berate yourself for feeling that way. Find the pain in your body, place your hand on it and say 'I love you,' over and over again. Forgiveness can only occur once the anger has been embraced and transmuted through love. Once this transmutation has occurred you will be able to move into unconditional love and realise that what was done to you was orchestrated by the universe for your greater evolution. You will thank this person in your heart for allowing this healing opportunity to take place and you will move forward more loving and stronger than ever
  12. One or more of realities infinite possibilities has to be God doubting it's own creation....
  13. @Dino D I've had a similar epiphany recently, which has been strengthened even more by hearing you say this. It was something Matt Kahn said about how important relaxation is. That it puts you back in the natural state of love and acceptance that the universe wants to be in, it's natural state. This made me realise how I've been in a state of excitement and stress my whole life, trying to achieve this or that, rejecting the moment. So I've started just feeling into relaxation and using my free will to conjure it up. Actually, the advice given on this thread has helped me to do that. I feel like I'm in control again now, like my pendulum has swung even further over towards a sense of empowerment than before, due to the contrast of feeling like I had none. Very well put, this will be helpful for me when it comes to accepting outcomes. You've really helped to highlight that this been an issue for me. It really has. So it's about balancing the masculine and feminine. I started with masculine, a mind-based approach as that's what I was programmed with. I then rebelled against that (when the outcomes didn't match what I wanted) and went over to intuition and the heart. It was a fine piece of self deception actually as I didn't see how I'd just reacted against one paradigm and jumped into another. Now, I've realised that I need to move back over to the middle ground. Thanks
  14. @Dino D That was exactly what I needed to read, thank you. I'd kind of downgraded logic and rationality in favour of just using my heart and that approach wasn't getting me anywhere. I like what you're saying about not being attached to outcomes. This has made me realise how obsessed I've been with needing to control outcomes and how I've been throwing tantrums and refusing to participate in life as this couldn't be done.
  15. @pluto That was illuminating to read, thank you. I'm going to do some deeper research into this as it sounds very significant. I'd never considered that energy may be transferred in this way.