Wisebaxter

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About Wisebaxter

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  • Birthday 04/08/1980

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    Brighton, England, UK
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  1. @GromHellScream Oh so it is kind of possible, that's good to know. I did some research on the topic last night. Adyashanti says you get to a stage where the recognition of a thought occurs almost at the same time as the thought, but even he has what he refers to as 'sticky thoughts' every now and again, that he may get briefly lost in. Rupert Spira made an interesting point. He said that there is no difference between a thought you're lost in and one that says 'I'm aware of thinking.' Both of them are still just thoughts. A thought that says 'I'm aware of thinking' is still just another thought. The substance of the object is still the same, that of a thought, just the content is different. Also, I can't see how you could be having a thought that says 'I'm aware of this' and another, more normal one, say of doing the dishes. Really, the two couldn't exist simultaneously right? It would be like having two thoughts at the same time. Perhaps for a thought to even arise at all, a lack of awareness of is a prerequisite. Because, I've noticed, when I sit there waiting for a thought to arise, nothing happens, until I lose awareness. Again, this could be because two thoughts just can't exist at once. We always perceive them as hapenning in a linear fashion I like that quote from David Hawkins. Perhaps the best we can do learn to become aware of thoughts really quickly. If we were able to watch them arise, we would never have to have an unwanted thought again. Catch the paragraphs before they turn into stories. Well said. As for quitting jerking, that really makes a difference eh? Interesting. I'll give it a go. My balls ache after a couple of weeks of nofap though. Do you get that issue?
  2. I understand that thoughts themselves are comprised of awareness, but can you ever get to a stage where you can maintain a conscious awareness of the fact that you're thinking? I'm thinking in specific about meditation, or self enquiry, where you're trying to observe your observation when all of a sudden you snap out of a train of thought in which you were just completely lost, almost like a dream. In a way, you were actually back there in that place, the memory etc and you lose all awareness of your surroundings. I find this jarring and very frustrating. I can remain aware of awareness if I hear a sound, or feel a sensation, but thinking is completely seductive. I just can't see the damn things arriving. It's like they're little stealthy thought ninjas I never see coming. Can we ever get to a stage, through meditation, where we can stop awareness being obscured by a thought, where we can consciously watch them rising up? I can't stand getting sucked into these damn stories all the time.
  3. @Wisebaxter @inFlow Just watched the video you liked. Very inspiring. I'm ready to quit now. The microdosing has perhaps given me some deeper insight into the habit and I'm doing things more consciously, but that could be the meditation. @nightrider1435 Definately the ego mind lying to me, I see that now. This drug does nothing for me anymore. Time to stop the self Deception and face the exciting challenge ahead
  4. @nightrider1435 Yeah that's a very good point. Well the cold turkey approach hasn't worked for me so far and it just seems to create more stress and neuroticism than actually smoking as I'm always thinking about pot, dreaming about it, counting days I've been off if it. Then there's the boredom and the frustration that comes back. And it stays for months as well. As for why I want to give up, it's the effect it has on my diet, the association with gaming (so I waste loads of time) and the occasional panic attacks. But right now I'm aiming to accept and love all of this and see what happens. I definately feel calmer. I honestly think right now that learning to live with it is going to be easier than quitting y'know? It takes up too much energy and I've been trying for longer than I'd dare to say out loud. Something about this approach feels better in my body, kinder almost. It's not a hardcore drug or anything and isn't going to kill me. It really helps with creativity too.
  5. Microdosing report Have done four microdoses so far, two of them consecutively, the others were four days apart. The first 2 were around 0.8g, which yeah, is a bit over a microdose but I had nothing planned so what the hell I fancied a nitro boost to start thinks off. The next one was around 1.0 I think in all honesty, but I'm not sure. I just chucked a load of powder in a cup and necked it. The last one, yesterday, was 0.5, so more of a normal microdose. I was able to meet a friend that day and function well, feeling more confident and natural than normal. In fact, I may not have even agreed to meet her normally, but hard to say. This quote sums up my experience quite well: "Previous research has found that typical doses of psychedelics can disrupt “normality” in ways that promote cognitive flexibility and divergent thinking, which often leads to creative insights." So I'm experiencing, in a nutshell: More emotional control More alignment to truth, through an enhanced capacity to slip into metathinking. A deeper awareness of underlying assumptions, leading to a breakdown in the validity of negative, habitual thoughts A more positive, optimistic outlook on life in general and a deeper faith in my own abilities. The ability to deconstruct my thoughts and beliefs by tracing them back to their origins. A tendency to think more existensially about the nature of thinking, beliefs and concepts and to be able to seperate them from awareness or truth. An enhanced connection to the truth, like layers of bullshit get cut away really quickly. Or if not truth, then at least a deeper awareness of how ideas have been constructed A deeper connection to the moment and the world around me. I'm noticing beautiful things I wouldn't have noticed or appreciated before, like lights being reflected on surfaces, or shadows of leaves dancing on a fence. More patience with people and more of a capacity to have connections and not push people away. I'm not as worried about letting people down or feeling the burden of having to talk to them. I feel like I'm being less selfish maybe, but it's early days here and there may not be a link. I have been meditating a lot more too in general, doing self inquiry and connecting with my breath, so that's a factor that will be influencing the above to greater or lesser degrees. I'd imagine that microdosing and starting a good meditation routine could be a really great combo as they would feed into each other. So some fantastic results so far. I can really see the long term growth to be had and where it might lead, so I'm really excited.
  6. Ok, here's a report for microdosing for weed addiction. It doesn't work with the actual cravings or quitting directly but it helps you make peace with it as you're in such a good, positive state and therefore I've been enjoying smoking weed more thanks mushrooms. What an unexpected gift. I'm no longer a self loathing pot head, just a plain pot head lol. Is it even an addiction if it doesn't negatively impact your life? Just a fun past time. If I can accept the things it stops me doing then that could be interesting. I might focus more on what it does do for me. I'm going to wait and see if it reduces the amount I smoke though. I have a feeling that making peace with something is a good route to go down as feeling guilty and regretful might make it worse.
  7. @inFlow Thanks for the video dude, I appreciate that. I've made peace with smoking it for the moment and that seems to be almost helping me to smoke it less. It might be the counter intuitive thing that works, as I've tried the fighting approach and it's never fully worked. Worst case scenario is I keep on smoking it and just enjoy it combining it with microdoses of mushrooms seems to be helping too. Just about finding the right blend I think
  8. Bro, what about if you took a break from the forum, if the argumentative folk are getting you down? I know you're a fan of Matt Kahn's. I think he'd advise you to just bless them. They're probably only negating you because they've been negated their whole lives, largely by themselves. Walk away and don't bother, I would. I hate to think of a good guy like you being pulled into wasting your time with people who haven't integrated their egos properly. That seems to me to be the thing with Zen Devils. Too much negating of their egos and then projecting all that hatred and frustration they have for themselves (i.e their shadows) out onto others.
  9. @Zigzag Idiot I surprised you could muster the concentration to solve that issue whilst tripping. I've dropped a load more cubensis powder and I'm starting to feel it. I'm thinking I'm gonna do a proper trip next week so it's good to get a feel for it. Have a good rest mate, sounds like you need it. Hope you're taking good care of yourself.
  10. @Zigzag Idiot Lol. Yes, you must be very humbled after that experienced. If you had to choose an experience to give you the greatest humbling, it would probably we along those lines While you're here, can I ask you, do you ever get frustrated on psychedelics as you're wanting all this great stuff to happen but it just isn't? You know you're tripping, but you're just not getting any major growth on the level of consciousness or form? This keeps happening to me. Maybe I need some more heroic doses instead of these piddly amounts
  11. @Zigzag Idiot God that's just the kind of thing that I'd do. You're right though, it makes a funny story. Almost on the level of a film I would laugh my ass off if I saw that in a comedy. They should have hung up the video call though when they realised what was going on. I guess the curiosity was too much for them. It must have been pretty devastating for you. I can just imagine how I'd feel in that situation, especially as my family are all as Vanilla as Vanilla sky.
  12. another 0.20 ingested. Fuck this micro-dosing shit, I need to play with the big boys.
  13. Following on from my last post I'm still working on cravings. Have started micro-dosing mushrooms today (0.5g) Have smoked the last of my weed and am hoping the mushrooms can give me a leg up on having a good break from it. The weed messes with my sleep pattern and diet quite a lot as I smoke a lot of it, without being able to moderate. It has countless other down sides too, although it's great for creativity and getting lost in art. I'm hoping the shrooms can help me in that area too so they'll be a good stand in. We'll see. Already feeling pretty good, think they've hit me What an epic idea this is. Micro-dosing. Fuck, I feel good.
  14. I've researched this now and there is evidence to suggest that microdosing can help with addiction. So I'm looking forward to conducting this experiment next month.
  15. Thanks for that. There's a lot to contemplate there. Made me laugh too, considering that God has indeed incarnated as a pot head. However, I know that weed is no good for me personally. For some others maybe, others who may be able to limit their intake etc. I can't. I know that from experience. Right and wrong may be relative notions and what I'm doing may be better than working for a soulless corporation, but it's still causing me a lot of suffering and I want it to end. I'm so much happier when I'm not smoking it. I'm healthier, I eat better, sleep better, have more money, I can socialise, I don't look like a pasty fuck. I have God awful panic attacks on the stuff too. Plus I remember Leo saying you can't become enlightened with an addiction, so fuck this, y'know?