Wisebaxter

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About Wisebaxter

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  • Birthday 04/08/1980

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    Chichester, West Sussex, England, UK
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  1. I've recently realised that the whole idea of enlightenment has almost been erased from my mind. My last post on here was three friggin years ago. It's so easy to get lost in content and day to day survival needs. I haven't been able to get hold of any psychedelics either since my favourite dark web site closed. Perhaps the ego tries to stay alive through getting us lost in content and distractions. It could be that I have more chance at mystical experiences now my survival needs are being met more. isn't it just how I choose to frame it? being God? When I was meditating before and tripping I couldn't get past a certain depth of experience. I had what I'd describe as some minor 'infinite love' awakenings, plus a load of relative insights that helped me move forward, but no ego death or experience of the absolute. Now I have a job, a great relationship, future prospects and more stability, I really want to start some practices again in earnest, hence this journalling for starters. Sending you all blessings of love and realisation.
  2. I love you for this
  3. Sounds weird, but have you ever tried trying to have panic attack when you're having one? Or saying something like 'let's make this a good one?' I've found it almost trips the fear circuit in my brain. I think that developing the capacity to love has helped a lot. I got a lot from a YouTuber called Matt Kahn. This could look like accepting every circumstance as being part of a perfection, or like showing compassion to an angry boss. It could also look like loving the parts of myself that I couldn't before, shadow work etc. For me it's as simple as saying 'I love you' to whatever arises. If there's resistance, I just love that. It's almost like love is the answer to every question, which makes my life more simple. thanks for asking I think I've gotten a lot of growth from just getting a job I quite like too, and a nice girlfriend. She has an 11 year old and I thought I'd struggle with the responsibility but it's grown me a lot. It allows me more opportunities for selflessness. These kinds of life choices can't be beaten for growth in my opinion. We can meditate until we're blue in the face but hanging out on the bottom level of Maslow's triangle is way too stressful lol. Saying that, meditating, self awareness and Mindfullness do help me make better life choices that are more aligned with who I am, so it's all intertwined. It's also worth mentioning a meditation I found by Joe Dispense, where he gets you to focus on what you want in the morning and visualise it, before visualising what you don't want. A lot of good things happened for me around the time I was doing it. https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aMs5IWhZOU9autgCqYaOiYcWyAIYj5vd/view?usp=sharing https://drive.google.com/file/d/1aMs5IWhZOU9autgCqYaOiYcWyAIYj5vd/view?usp=sharing As for the porn, have you tried doing the counter-intuitive thing and just letting yourself do it? Going crazy with no restraints? Sometimes the resistance adds fuels to the fire. Also, love the guilt when it arises and love the part of you that wants to revel in your own beautiful creation, experiencing it through the senses. Try that and Dr Joe's approach of visualising what you want into existence. A lot of this maybe familiar to you seeing as you follow Actualized.
  4. Sounds like you have a long term goal so hang in there and keep your eye on the big picture, i.e your art. Also, consider finding a job that suits you more, if possible. Perhaps lone working somewhere. Night time security guard or something, where you can avoid listening to other people
  5. Yeah the one thing that's changed my life and emotional state more than anything is making actual, tangible changes to my life, like getting a job, signing up for a course, saying yes to a relationship...these things have the capacity to change you fast. Concepts remain concepts far too often.
  6. Sounds like you're having some good growth. It always amazes me hoe simple the most profound insights are. Focus, breath, relax. Relaxation seems like the highest wisdom to me.
  7. @Zigzag Idiot I'm sorry to hear you haven't been well mate. Have you read any of Joe Dispenza's stuff? His book Becoming Supernatural outlines a way we can naturally heal ourselves by connecting to relaxation and peace as a practice. If you're experiencing emotions relating to survival mode a lot, this will stress your system and leave you open to illnesses. He has a couple of good guided meditations on YouTube that help you reprogram your body to be more used to feelings of connection and positive emotions. He says we unconsciously create the situations that give us the chemicals we're craving. In other words, we get addicted to our pain. He recounts story's about people coming back from stage four cancer, all sorts of shit, just by creating a habit of reconnecting to source, or just relaxation or love. If you're in fight or flight mode a lot, or feeling stressed, your body can become hooked on these emotions. It sounds overly simplistic I though, but he really does go balls deep into the science. I love the guy. I've emailed you a morning and evening guided meditation of his if you're interested. They're a good way to get started reconnecting on a more regular basis. I see it as using the power of intent to create a new body and mind. God can do this, it just has to do it in a more limited and drawn out fashion when disguised as an ego Saying all of this you do seem like a positive guy so I hope you don't think I'm suggesting otherwise. I just know how the mind can get me trapped. Conceptual stuff, images of this or that. Ideas, beliefs, assumptions. Is there any way you could clean up your diet a bit, or take better care of yourself? I'm wondering what you meant by not taking care of yourself. I'm thinking that self-love might be an issue, as you've mentioned shadow work to me before. Matt Kahn is great for that. It also sounds like you're good at accepting parts of yourself, acknowledging your bullshit etc. You've probably come across all or most of these ideas too, but worth a shot This might be beyond Matt Kahn even though Sometimes I'm confused between the two spiritual paradigms of 'create your experience consciously and choose not to suffer,' and love and give attention to the neglected parts of yourself. The two approaches seem at odds. Ralston says change it, Matt Kahn says shine a light on it, love it and give it a voice. I've certainly been able to switch off things like fear and sadness, just through my intent. But am I burying things and not healing deep wounds? I might make a thread about this. I can't help thinking that shadow work begets more shadow work. When is it done? Aren't we just creating more habitual experiences, of 'healing,' The I need healing paradigm. Just a few musings
  8. I can confirm I've had good results with following Dr Joe's morning and evening meditations, which essentially help you to visualise desired future events and connect it to positive emotions. This rewrites your habitual patterns of thinking and gets you carrying out the actions you've visualised more naturally and effortlessly. It's also a powerful reminder of how you can change your state instantly
  9. @SimonaMay Did you carry on with Modafinil or give up after those negative effects? I'm planning on using it for my studies soon as I have to work too to support myself. I'm hoping this tool can get me through ok. Possibly some microdosing too as I think psychs are similar to Modafinil in some ways. Broader thinking, the quietening of the mind.
  10. @SimonaMay So you didn't get any of the positive effects at all? Just dizzy and tired? Hmm. Tired I can understand, as your body is going into overdrive and you're bound to crash a bit, especially if you stay up for a long period.
  11. @Wilhelm44 That's a gem right there, thanks. This is actually a good thread as everyone is able to share some of their own deepest insights
  12. Yeah man, I have to admit I was a bit put-out when I heard that Leo wasn't gonna share his deepest insights any more, but the more I think about it, and after reading this, I totally agree. Leo has been carrying most of us for years and it's high time we got of our asses and did some of the work ourselves. He has his reasons for limiting this message I'm sure, and like you say, look at all the free content and value he's given. Leo will always be my captain and I won't jump ship just because he sees an iceberg
  13. @PurpleTree Nice. I like Leo's satisfaction meditation practice for learning how to to this i.e become content with any scenario, even a painful one
  14. Try actually making yourself scared, consciously, when you feel a panic coming on. It's counter Intuitive and somehow works quite well for me
  15. @Nahm Yeah I'm the Prince of conceptual overlays I think I really like this passage from the article you linked: "What’s dispelled & seen through are conceptualizations of yourself, how you feel, and reality. The ‘shift’ from focusing on (unknowingly) believing conceptualizations… to what you are actually feeling - emotions - it a shift from focusing (often exclusively) on thought(s)… to receiving the emotional guidance of, Source." I spend too much time in the attic of the mind, that's my issue. Lost in concepts, detached from the present moment and my body. Concepts just beget more concepts and are constantly recycled right? Like it says in the article, they make you detached from truth. I'm feeling much better already. Have been feeling a bit despairing and trapped by habitual thinking patterns and emotions I can't seem to break out of.